I don't belong
by KlikStar
Summary: Have you ever felt like you didn't belong, like the life you were living wasn't the one it was supposed to be. Cloud couldn't help but feel this as the voice offered him a way out. Rated M - WARNING! - suicide theme. Please don't read if upset easily.
1. Chapter 1: I don't belong

**I started this story last night because I just couldn't sleep. It's a depressing story and I apologise in advance.**

**Warning - Themes of self-harming, attempted suicide, same sex relationships, and much more. (It's rated M for a reason)**

**Disclaimer - I do not own the characters, they belong to Square Enix, but the idea is mine.**

**Please review, but don't hate me for writing this. It just had to be done so I could sleep again.**

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**I don't belong**

Have you ever felt like you didn't belong? Like the life you were living wasn't the one it was supposed to be and that somewhere along the way you had gotten lost? Cloud couldn't help but feel this sometimes, well maybe more than just sometimes. He often felt that this place wasn't where he was supposed to be, not that he knew where he should have been, but he just knew this wasn't it. It was like he was living a life that wasn't his own, or wasn't the right one for him.

He had dreamt of being a soldier, had believed that working for ShinRa would be the answer, but it hadn't been. All the torments from his home had been revisited upon him in Midgar, the horrors and shame of the past not left behind as he had hoped but born anew in this place. Once again he was picked on by his peers, because of his looks and withdrawn nature, the adults never really caring to help him, only content that he work hard and not cause trouble.

He had started out just like all the other cadets, trying hard to fit in, but it had been hopeless from the start. His blonde hair and blue eyes made him stand out from all the rest and his smaller frame made him appear weak and vulnerable. While his mother had always been proud of his beauty and sensitive nature, as far as Cloud was concerned it was a curse to his existence. Because of it he had learnt to put up a wall against the world, to be independent, unable to trust anyone and to survive alone, because there had never been and never would be a person to accept him for who he really was. So he had closed himself off from them all focusing his efforts on his studies, on his training, and on making himself stronger. The only problem was, in doing this, he was also losing himself. The walls he built up becoming strong and fortified so that not only did they hold out the pain but also held all that he was deep inside so that all to quickly he became a prisoner within himself.

He had been a cadet for just over six months when something changed in his world. It had been a normal day of training and Cloud had performed well, easily defeating the partners he was assigned to for sparing. He may have been smaller than the other cadets, but this only helped to make him quicker and he easily took them down using their own strength against them. While his instructor was pleased that the boy wasn't a complete waste of time, the cadets he had disarmed where seething with anger at the blonde. The class had been dismissed to shower and change before heading to the canteen for dinner as normal, but several cadets had another plan in store for Cloud.

It was normal for the blonde cadet to shower last, preferring to wait for the majority of the other boys to leave before allowing himself to relax. He was not a fan of the communal showers, knowing that it only made his delicate form more obvious, and his shy nature always making the experience unsettling for him. Today appeared to be like all the others as he waited patiently in the locker room, until most of the bodies had left, and the room was quieter. He undressed quickly and made his way to the showers choosing the one in the corner, which was far enough away from the remaining cadets, to give him some privacy. Even now he didn't allow himself the chance to relax, didn't give in to the hot water as it beat down on his aching muscles. This was never a place where he wanted to be for long. He had washed quickly, knowing that his nakedness made him vulnerable, and hurried back to his locker drying himself as he moved.

Cloud had managed to put his trousers on and fasten them by the time the first boy came into view. He had picked up his ShinRa issue t-shirt, but let it fall back onto the bench as he saw two more cadets moving in behind him. He clenched his fists, but kept them at his side as a fourth cadet came into view. His body began to tighten ready for the attack, he knew this routine, it had happened before. The muscles in his shoulders and across his chest and back became more enhanced as his arms came up, his body slowly going into a defensive stance. The cadet in the front smiled at him, but it was a cold snarl and Cloud knew he would feel pain. They didn't say a word, but moved forward as one against him.

They had beaten him, made him their punch bag, relieving all their frustration onto him. Their blows had rained down on Cloud for what seemed like an eternity to the blonde cadet. He had tried to fight back, to defend himself against their anger, but when it was so many against one he really had no hope. They had finally stopped their assault and left him alone in the locker room, broken and bleeding on the cool tiled floor. He had laid there for a while allowing the hurt to flow through him, trying to focus it and bury it deep within him. No one had come into the room since they had left, no one had come looking for him when he hadn't arrived at dinner. No one had missed him, but then again, they never did. A different pain made its way through Cloud's body, something more agonising than the physical pain of his wounds, it was the knowledge that he was alone, that this was how it would always be.

Cloud rolled himself onto his side biting back the cry which threatened to escape his lips, instead releasing a deep breath which hissed through gritted teeth. He pushed himself up until he was sitting on the bench and slowly observed the new damage to his body. Fresh bruises marred the pale skin, some re-covering old bruises, while others made new patterns on the beaten flesh. His head slumped forward against his chest in defeat as he realised that it would never end, that this was worse than the life he had left behind at home, that he was now trapped in this nightmare as a cadet in the ShinRa army.

Have you ever heard a voice in your head and known it wasn't your own? Have you ever heard it whisper things to you which were wrong, that went against everything you believed in? Cloud had begun to hear that voice, had begun to listen to it sometimes. He knew it was not his own, that it was something he should ignore, but the walls he had built up were so strong now that his own voice was locked away tightly. The new voice had been growing louder recently, more confident as it offered him comfort, as it promised of a way out. It was now as he sat in the dark that the voice spoke words of hope into his mind, that it soothed the hurt and betrayal of his supposed allies and offered a way to end the pain once and for all.

Cloud was tired now, tired of being strong, tired of suffering for the benefit of others and tired of fighting them all. He sighed deeply as the voice reminded him that he didn't really belong here, let it speak to him of somewhere else, of somewhere better than this. He gave up on his beliefs that life was a gift, that it was worth living, that he would find his place in time. He let the voice in and gave himself over to it now, no longer caring that it only lied, that the promises it made were really a betrayal of everything he had fought for.

He stood slowly, ignoring the pain which coursed through his body, and reached slowly into his locker. It only took him a moment to find the small knife, which was about the size of his palm with a small black handle and sharp silver blade. It had been a gift from his mother when he had joined, something to keep him safe and to remind him of home. The blade had indeed reminded him of home, the hurtful memories cutting deep into his heart. He had kept the small blade in his locker not wanting it, but not wanting to lose it either. It had been something to mark the start of a new life, now it would be something to end it as well.

Not bothering to finish dressing Cloud made his way back towards the showers, his bare feet carrying him across the smooth tile floor with ease. He found his normal spot in the corner, out of the way, and turned the cold water on. He bowed his head under the steady stream of icy water, letting the cold flow over him, though him and soak into him. He closed his eyes and let out a slow breath as the numbness took hold, consuming his body, mind and soul in its bitter grasp. He had shut himself off from everything now, no longer caring about the world around him, and let the voice guide him surrendering himself to it.

He opened his eyes and looked down at the small blade in his hand and held it tightly in his grip. He couldn't help but notice that his skin had taken on a slightly blue tinge when he raised his other arm up in front of his body. The voice was gentle as it reminded him that this was normal, that cold would make the body numb, that it would help to ease the discomfort. He smiled softly to himself as he let the voice guide his hand to the upturned wrist, as it coaxed him to place the sharp blade against his exposed wrist, felt its joy as he drew the metal across the delicate flesh.

There was a moment when nothing happened and the voice seemed to hold its breath in anticipation, then the skin opened up and the blood began to flow steadily from the wound. The voice cried out within his mind, but it wasn't in pain. Instead the joyous sound seemed to be filled with both pleasure and the sense of release. Cloud couldn't help but smile to himself as he considered that perhaps this was the way he would have felt if he had ever been intimate with someone. If there had been someone he could love and would love him back, as they shared in life's pleasures.

The voice quickly hushed the thought away and reminded him that this was for the best, that he had no love, that his world only held pain. Cloud looked down at the blood as it flowed from his wrist and stared as the red liquid poured from the deep cut and fell to mix with the water as it was washed way. The smile faltered slightly as he realised that this was what his life had come down to, a waste being washed away down the drain.

His grip on the blade slipped a little and he staggered forward falling against the hard tiled surface of the shower wall. His body was becoming heavy and hard to control as it slid down into a crumpled heap on the floor. The voice in his head screamed now, shouting at him to finish the job properly before it was too late, to cut deep again and let all that life flow from his veins. Cloud laughed softly at himself and it was strange to hear, almost distant in his mind, as the knife slipped from his fingers and clattered to the floor beside him.

Darkness was closing in around him and it was so beautifully quiet. The sound of water falling was calming to his ears, the cold having taken away the pain as promised. He let his body slump against the floor, no longer able to keep himself sitting up. From here he could see the water and blood mixing as it created beautiful patterns on the white tiled floor, so pretty he thought to himself as he watched the swirl of colour move. His breathing was becoming softer now, and his heart was slowing, but he felt no fear. A small smile graced his lips as he realised that the voice had been right, this was how it should be, that soon there would be no suffering.

"Is someone in here?"

Cloud blinked slightly at the sound of the voice, had it been real? It didn't sound like the voice in his head, and it sounded strangely familiar.

"I'm coming in so you might want to cover up, whoever you are."

The voice was warm and kind and it made Cloud's heart ache a little. He knew that voice now, it was after all his only source of kindness in this hell hole.

Zack stepped round the corner a second after the words had left his lips and froze as he took in the sight before him. Cloud lay half dressed in a sprawled out mess beneath the running water. Even through the mass of bruises, that covered his body, the soldier could see that the blonde was deathly pale, save for the faint hint of blue on his skin. A sickening feeling began to rise in Zack's chest as he looked into the cadet's eyes and saw they were glazing over in his head. A head which was tilted to one side surrounded by pooling water and ...blood.

"Oh Gaia, Cloud, what happened?" Zack cried running to the cadet's side and falling to his knees beside the blonde.

The water and blood soaked into his uniform as he quickly crabbed the cadet's body and dragged it out from under the shower. The movement caused a scraping sound of metal against tile and Zack glanced over to see the small blade lying beside the blonde's body. It was then that his eyes shot to Cloud's arm and he saw the source of the blood flow.

"Cloud, why?" he whimpered desperately grabbing the wounded arm and applying pressure to stem the blood flow.

His eyes shot to the cadet's distant ones and he almost choked on the sob which was rising within him. The blonde was a good kid, sure he had it rough, but he had always seemed so tough and able to handle it. Zack scolded himself for not paying more attention, for letting his feelings for Cloud interfere with their friendship, and for keeping his distance when he had obviously been needed. Just by looking at the cadet's beaten form he could see that the abuse had been going on for a while, the various sized and coloured bruises covering the trembling body in his arms. Zack mentally screamed at himself for not noticing sooner. He knew Cloud had always kept the marks hidden away under his uniform, but the soldier should have understood the pain in the blonde's movements better, should have known it wasn't just from training.

"I'm sorry," Cloud breathed his voice barely a whisper in the room.

Cloud looked into Zack's horrified and desperate eyes and suddenly felt a different kind of pain. The pain of knowing he had given up, that he had abandoned the one person who had been kind to him, the one person he had loved. He didn't want Zack to be here, didn't want to see the hurt this was causing the soldier, but his body was useless to him now. Having no other choice of escape he closed his eyes and tried to block out the voice which called to him, the voice which pleaded with him to hold on, the voice which told him that he was loved.

Cloud blinked his eyes open slowly, his heart aching as it tried to beat a little faster, as he stared up at the soldier. Zack's eyes were red and Cloud was sure he could see the pink tracks of tears on the man's cheeks. His mind raced at what he had heard, of Zack's words of love for him, words of need to have him in his life, his fears of being without the cadet.

"Zack?" he barely whispered.

"That's it Spiky, stay with me." Zack begged the limp form in his arms, as he desperately dialled the medical unit on his phone.

Cloud tried to focus as Zack's lips moved above him, but the words were becoming little more than a faint blur of sound in his mind.

The darkness was closer now and the promise of freedom, though still strong, was slowly becoming something to fear. He didn't want to go now, didn't want to give up and die. 'That's right' a voice within him shouted, 'you're dying and you don't want to die'. He let the shock of the moment ride through him, recognising the voice as being his own. The other voice, which had led him astray, was disappearing now and his own voice was shouting to be heard. The walls he had built up around his world were being broken down as his soul fought to survive, as his heart fought to be loved. Oh Gaia he was loved, Zack loved him.

Cloud grabbed hold of that thought and held on to it tightly. He loved Zack and Zack loved him, and if he died now he would never get to know that love. He cried out against the injustice of it all as his heart began to falter, as the rise and fall of his chest became less and his body cried out at the loss of the precious blood which it needed to survive.

"Cloud!" Zack's voice was shouting for him, trying to bring him back from the threatening darkness.

He opened his eyes meeting the soldier's and for the first time, since his suffering had begun, he let himself cry. The tears ran down his face carrying his fear and weakness with them, as he let the despair within him be reflected in his eyes. Zack's face screwed up even more and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Cloud, why?" the soldier breathed his voice tight with anguish.

"Hurt ... so much ... no one ... wanted ... me." Cloud managed to breath as he desperately tried to explain before it was too late.

"Why didn't you talk to me, I could have helped you, I would do anything for you." Zack cried heartbroken that Cloud hadn't come to him.

"So ... rry."

Zack watched helplessly as the cadet's eyes began to flutter and closed again, as the heart beneath him began to slip in its beats.

"No! You stay with me, you hear!" Zack shouted shaking the blonde violently.

Shouts from the other room could be heard, and running footsteps pounded against the floor, as several medics flew into the room. They didn't hesitate when they saw the unconscious cadet, such things were rare but not unheard of, and by the look of him he was already in a bad way. They quickly set to work attaching various bags of fluid to the cadet through needles in his good arm and wrapped a tight dressing over the slit wrist, allowing Zack to remove his hand safely. A stretcher appeared from somewhere and Cloud was quickly lifted onto it.

Zack watched in silence, his body shaking from the shock, as Cloud was carried out of the room and towards the infirmary. He stood alone for a moment, knowing he should follow, but unable to move from where he stood. One of the medic's had turned the water off and now the white floor looked disturbing, as the small swirls of blood stained water created a marbled pattern on the tile. The small knife shone brightly in the light and Zack found himself staring at the blade, which he recognised having seen it once before. He quickly picked it up, placing it safely in his pocket, then hurried after the medic's to be by Cloud's side.

As he ran he prayed to anyone who was listening to let Cloud live, to give him a chance to know love and not leave this world having only felt pain. He swore to the heavens that he would protect the cadet better, would admit his feelings and show the kid that he was loved, and made a promise that he would die to keep the blonde safe.

He wasn't sure if anyone was listening, but somewhere within his mind a voice, which was not his own, spoke and told him everything would be ...alright.


	2. Chapter 2: Hiding a truth

**I didn't write this story with the intention of making it longer, but have found that the words are still coming as my fingers move across the keyboard late at night.**

**Thank you for your kind reviews and words of encouragement. As long as the ideas keep coming, and the chapters are enjoyed, I will let this story take its course.**

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**Hiding a truth**

A lie was a lie, and the truth was the truth. There was never any doubt about that fact. You either knew what you said was honest and true, or it was a lie. No argument, no discussion, this was a simple fact. But what if a lie was necessary? Not like a 'surprise party' lie, which wasn't really a lie, just a temporarily unspoken truth. But a massive, completely against the truth, outright lie. It was something Zack had always prided himself on, on being a man who could speak the truth. Maybe it had something to do with the fact he was a terrible liar anyway, but he had honour and knew that to lie was to go against that honour.

Zack had protected the cadet, had led the senior staff to believe it had been a beating which had gone too far. If they had known it was self inflicted then Cloud would be sent to the psych ward, and the soldier knew that there would be no coming back from that. His fists clenched against the armrests of the chair leaving indentations in the metal, his only way of venting the rage he felt. He was angry now, angry at the lie he had been forced to tell. No, it wasn't a lie exactly. Cloud had been hurt because of them, but the misdirection he had given Sephiroth and Angeal still tore at him. It had been easy to believe though. The marks on Cloud's body supporting the idea that the abuse had been often, that the cadet had been caught defenceless, and that this time it had ended badly.

Unsurprisingly no one was caught, but there had been plenty of punishments assigned to all ranks as a reminder of their responsibility to each other as well as to ShinRa. Zack had cleared his schedule, reassigning all his work to other soldiers, so he could watch over Cloud. At first Sephiroth had disapproved, but thankfully Angeal had agreed. Knowing the bond a mentor and student shared was strong he felt it necessary that, as the cadet's mentor, Zack should be there when he woke up. So here he was sitting in a darkened room waiting patiently, an achievement in itself, slowly driving himself insane.

The soldier felt his heart begin to ache as he looked across the room at the pale figure in the bed. The frail body was almost as white as the sheets it lay on. The only difference between them being the discolouration's on the exposed flesh, where bruises were beginning to heal. So fragile, so lost, so broken. A silent tear escaped the soldier's eye as he fought to hold himself together, to not grab the blonde and crush him tightly against his chest, to not shake him awake just to know he was alright. But he wasn't alright. If he had been alright then he wouldn't be here now, wouldn't have needed the medication, the extra blood and fluid they had pumped into him, wouldn't need the bandages which now covered parts of his body.

There was a whisper in his head, a voice which called to him amongst his troubled thoughts. It hinted that perhaps the blonde had wanted to be free, had needed the escape, and that he would now hate Zack for taking that away from him. But Zack pushed that voice away and let his own rant freely, let it roar at the ones who had done this to his Cloud, let it vent at the unconscious blonde for not coming to him. Yes he was angry at Cloud, maybe even angrier than he was at anyone else right now, because the kid had given up and that was something Zack hated most of all. He could accept failure when someone had tried, he could even accept defeat when a person's best just hadn't been good enough, but he could never accept surrender. Especially from someone who he knew could be so strong. He began to wonder then, just how strong Cloud really was.

Zack knew that the blonde was always alone, that he had no real friends in this place, but the cadet had never discussed it with him. He had watched Cloud from the beginning, unable to distract himself from the blonde's presence in his life. He had watched as the cadet had been broken from the start and had marvelled at the way he had become stronger against it all. Zack had noted the way Cloud focused himself on his studies and his training, how the determination had allowed a promising soldier to shine through. It had never occurred to him that this focus was Cloud's way of escape, that it was his way of coping.

The soldier thought back to the day he had offered to be Cloud's mentor, to the suspicious look the blonde had given him, the hard untrusting stance he had held. He should have known then that something was wrong, should have asked more questions, but the cadet had been so closed off it had been like talking to a brick wall.

It had taken time to get Cloud to relax around him, to enjoy their training sessions rather than see it as more work. He could still remember the first time he had managed to get the cadet to smile, how the blonde's eyes had shone brightly, and for the briefest moment he had actually looked happy. Then the smile was gone, quickly tucked away and the serious Cloud had come back. There had been a few more smiles since then, each as wonderful as the next, but still so very rare.

They hadn't known each other very long, their time as mentor and student still short, but Zack could still feel his emotions for the cadet. They were feelings which went beyond friendship, to somewhere more personal, and that had scared the soldier. He didn't want to ruin the bond which had formed between them, didn't want to destroy the trust he had spent so much time and effort building. So he had kept his thoughts to himself, kept his distance from the cadet, so that they remained just friends.

Zack laughed at this thought, friends. If he had been any kind of friend he would have noticed Cloud was suffering, would have pushed past his own feelings to consider those of the cadet's.

The image of Cloud lying beneath the shower rushed into his mind, the image of a pale form lying in a pool of blood, making him feel nauseous. He pushed past that scene and to the next one, where Cloud's limp form was cradled against him as he had confessed his feelings for the cadet. His heart beat faster as he remembered the way Cloud's eyes had opened for him, how the light of life had sparked brightly for him, how Cloud had finally let him see all the pain and despair held deep within him.

The blondes words still haunted him, they echoed in his head when he was awake, disturbed his dreams when he slept.

"_**Hurt ... so much ... no one ... wanted... me"**_

Fresh tears sprang from the soldier's eyes, the pain in his chest worsening. Gaia, why hadn't he said something sooner, why had he let Cloud believe he wasn't wanted, that he wasn't loved.

He knew why, knew it was because he had been afraid of losing the blonde, but not now. Now he had a second chance. No, that was wrong. Now they had a second chance. Either as friends or maybe, just maybe something more. He knew it wasn't going to be easy, but they could do it together, he was sure of that.

He ignored the cold feeling in his gut, the voice which warned that Cloud might pull away, and focused on what he was going to do next. He still needed to know why Cloud hadn't come to him, why the cadet had carried the burden by himself until the weight of it had broken him. Doubt about the blonde's feelings began to form and Zack tried to push them away, tried to argue that Cloud just didn't know how to trust people, that maybe he had been afraid of his emotions as well. But the hurt it caused still stung deeply.

"Why?" he asked the sleeping cadet, his voice a harsh pain filled whisper in the silent room.

No one answered him, not that he had expected them to, so he let his mind drift back to his thoughts.

For a while his mind troubled over the lie which still plagued him, over the reasons behind Cloud's secrecy, and then he began to plan. The same question running over and over again in his head. How would he handle the situation when Cloud finally awoke?


	3. Chapter 3: I let you down

**So the pain just keeps coming. Here's another chapter to this really depressing story. I'm afraid things don't seem to be getting any better for the two.**

**I hope you enjoy and please feel free to review.**

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**I let you down**

Darkness had always been a friend to him. A place to hide when things got too bad, when the pain was too much, when he just needed to escape. He would use the darkness to move around, slipping between shadows to remain unseen in the day, becoming part of the night when he needed to get away. It was so easy to be free when the sun had set and the lights had gone out.

So often he had left the barracks after curfew, wondered the compound by himself, never being caught by the soldiers who patrolled. He had found it amusing once, that the mako enhanced men had never heard him, never seen him, always so close as they made their passes. Soon the humour had left him and he had begun to hate them as well, nobody noticed him, not even when he was doing something he shouldn't have been. He had begun to use the time to play with them, testing his own abilities and testing theirs. He had stopped when rumours of a ghost began spreading through the ranks, apparently some of the soldiers were refusing guard duty, it had given him something to smile about for a day. After that he had remained in the shadows, leaving them alone, he didn't need to have this time alone ruined by drawing attention to it.

It was strange then, that as he observed the darkness around him now, he actually felt uneasy. This darkness was different somehow, not natural like he was used too, but somehow thicker and heavier. He looked about at the endless sea of nothing and felt it wash against him, felt it on his skin, knew it was becoming a part of him. No, that was wrong. Shock ran through his body as he realised that it was already a part of him. That this was him. This was the place where all the pain and sorrow was hidden within himself, the place where he locked away all the things he didn't want to feel. Gaia, it was suffocating.

Something moved now, it stirred the air around him, letting its presence be known without actually showing itself. The weight of something heavy began to push against him and the air he breathed became thicker. He tried to move away from it, but it followed easily drifting like a breeze. He tried to push against it to get himself free, but it flowed easily around him making his escape harder. His legs began to struggle. It was as if he was walking through water, the liquid pulling him back as he fought to move forward.

The weight on him suddenly intensified and he cried out as he was sent crashing down to his knees. He thrashed his arms about in panic, trying to push the unseen enemy away, but it only laughed at him. He froze at the cruel sound, choking on his own breath. A sudden pressure attacked him from the side and he fell, his body impacting with something in the darkness. He flailed about wildly trying to break free, each movement becoming harder as his strength was drained away, his body becoming weaker.

"You are mine" an evil voice whispered in the void.

"No" he shouted, finding that he had a voice of his own.

"Yes. You are mine. You will always be mine."

"Leave me alone" he screamed, fear consuming him.

"I cannot leave you. You gave me life, here in this place. I am always with you."

"Nnnnnnnnnooooooooooooo" he cried out in despair.

"What's wrong my little Cloud, do you need to be reminded of the pain?"

He never got the chance to answer, the choice being made for him, as the darkness began to fade away.

--

Cloud woke slowly, the world around him drifting into focus through blurry eyes. It was still dark around him, but now it was the natural kind that he was used to. It gave him some comfort as he looked around, the soft light available illuminating various objects in the room. He silently wondered where he was, for a moment, forgetting all the things which had happened. It was only when his gaze fell on the sleeping form of Zack that the misplaced memories came flooding back and his heart cracked a little.

He bit back the tears as he looked upon the exhausted figure, slumped awkwardly in the chair beside his bed. The normally bright and cheerful soldier looked as if he had aged years, his face looking drained, and hard lines furrowing his brow in a troubled sleep. Cloud ran his eyes down Zack's body and noted that the soldier's uniform appeared crumpled and dirty, as if he had been wearing it for a while, and not had time to change. The cadet began to wonder just how long Zack had been there, how long they had both been there, and where 'there' was exactly.

Cloud looked back up to take in the soldiers strained features once more and blinked in surprise as his eyes connected with glowing spheres in front of him. There had been no change in Zack's posture, no movement to indicate that he was now awake, Cloud had not been given time to prepare for this moment. His sky blue eyes met Zack's and widened a little in fear as he saw the soldiers eyes glow even more, the mako within them burning brightly.

Cloud knew what that meant, it had been explained to him before. Zack was struggling with strong emotions, emotions which could stimulate the mako within his body. The cadet didn't need to guess which emotions plagued Zack, it was clear on the soldiers face. The relief, the pain, the anger, the betrayal. It was all there for Cloud to see, the eyes speaking more than words ever could in the silent room.

The soldier mentally scolded himself, he had gone over this scene in his head countless times, thought about what he would say and do until all the possibilities had been covered. He had even formed a plan of action to take with the cadet, but now as he looked into those damp fearful eyes he just couldn't think.

At last he spoke, the one thing he needed to know above all else, the only question which needed an answer.

"Why?" he asked, his voice sounding as defeated as he felt.

Cloud looked into Zack's eyes, eyes which had once shone brightly for him and now looked so hurt, and felt the words tumble from his lips.

"I'm sorry."

His body began to tremble as he fought not to cry, but there are just some things that you cannot fight. The tears rolled down his cheeks soaking into the soft pillow and his body began to shake with the sobs which escaped his lips.

Zack was by his side in an instant, lifting him into a tight embrace, holding him close against his warm chest. The soldier wrapped his arms around the cadet's shoulders and held him as his body shook, as the tears poured out and the words repeated themselves in a pain filled mantra.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Ssssssshhhhh" Zack soothed, running fingers gentle through the cadet's blonde spikes. "It's alright now, you're safe."

But Cloud knew he wasn't safe, not from himself, not from the voice which wasn't his own. He couldn't hear it now, but he knew it was still there. He could feel it deep within him, waiting patiently, knowing it would have another chance.

Eventually Cloud's body calmed, the tears dried and his breathing returned to a gentle rhythm. He held on tightly to the soldier, afraid to leave the comfort of the embrace, afraid to look into those eyes again. They stayed this way as the words began to flow between them, holding each other reassuringly, needing the soothing contact it provided.

"You scared me" Zack admitted quietly.

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok, now. Just promise me you won't do it again."

"Ok."

Zack paused and drew in a deep breath before asking the next question.

"Why did you do it, why didn't you come to me?"

"I ... I don't know."

The cadet's voice was barely a whisper and Zack sighed deeply. He wasn't happy with the answer, but knew better than to push the blonde right now.

"I didn't tell them, how it happened" He informed the cadet reluctantly.

"Why?"

"They would have put you in the pysch ward, trust me when I say, you don't want to be in there."

"Then where am I?"

"The infirmary, in a private room."

"Oh"

Silence continued for a moment longer as both men pondered what to say next.

"Are you ... disappointed ... in me?" Cloud asked hesitantly.

His heart cracked a little when Zack didn't reply and his body tensed against their embrace. The silence between them stretching further this time and Cloud felt something cold forming within him. There was a thought in his head, a bad feeling in his stomach, something he had to say for both of them.

"I ... let you down." He told the soldier, his voice clearly showing his heartache.

"You should have come to me, you should have trusted me" Zack said unable to hide the frustration and the hurt.

"I'm sorry" Cloud sobbed tightening his hold on Zack's body, pulling them closer together.

Zack began to stroke his head again, to make gentle sounds of reassurance against his ear. Eventually the calming effect drew Cloud into a dreamless sleep and Zack lowered the cadet back onto the bed. He adjusted the blonde's body so it would be more comfortable and pulled the sheets back up to cover the fragile form.

Moving back to his place, on the chair beside the bed, he slumped onto the uncomfortable material.

It had not gone as he had planned. He had not expected to find the words, which Cloud needed to hear, to be so hard to say. He couldn't lie to the blonde, couldn't pretend everything was alright, but the truth would have been more painful than the cadet could handle right now. Zack had heard the words, felt the pain that came with them, but had been unable to argue them. Cloud had let him down, but he had also let himself down, and that had chocked the words in the soldier's throat more than anything.

Zack's watchful gaze remained on the cadet for a little longer, before his own eye lips fluttered closed drawing him into a weary sleep.


	4. Chapter 4: Lost and Found

**It just seemed right to involve Angeal in this story, so forgive me for adding more hurt to the tale.**

**Please review to let me know how I'm doing**

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**Lost and Found**

This time when he opened his eyes, the room was empty. The chair were Zack had been sitting was there, but the soldier was gone. Cloud wasn't sure if he should be glad about it or hurt that he was once again alone. He wasn't given time to think about it however, as the door to his room opened and Commander Hewley came in.

"You're awake."

His voice was neutral as he stated the obvious and Cloud was unsure how to respond to such a statement.

"These are for you to put on," he declared placing a pile of clothes on the end of the bed.

"Thank you" Cloud managed, his voice low.

"Thank Zack, he organised them for you."

Cloud noted something in the man's voice then, something close to annoyance and concern. The blonde looked up to meet the Commander's eyes briefly and saw a flicker of emotion within them. The man in front of him had been Zack's mentor once and now they were close friends. It was little surprise that he would be angry at the cadet for causing the younger soldier so much trouble.

"I will" Cloud mumbled, keeping his eyes fixed on the small pile of material at his feet.

Angeal sighed before turning to leave, he paused at the open doorway before speaking.

"I will wait for you outside, change quickly."

Cloud nodded nervously in understanding. A second later the door closed, leaving him alone once more.

The blonde didn't waste any time changing into the regular clothes he had been given. Cadets were normally expected to wear their uniform when on duty, which was most of the time, so he rarely wore his regular clothes these days. Cloud couldn't help but notice how the jeans hung loosely on his hips, as did the t-shirt on his shoulders. Either he was going to need to get some new clothes or start eating again, but both ideas were quickly discarded as being too much trouble. It took him a few minutes to slip his boots on and secure the straps, the tight reinforced bandage around his wrist making the task harder.

When Cloud opened the door, and reluctantly stepped through it a few minutes later, he was greeted by Angeal's tall form and stern face standing in the empty corridor.

"This way" the man growled.

Cloud didn't question him and followed obediently. It wasn't just his training which made him do as the Commander ordered, but pure fear of what the man would do to him if he didn't. They made their way in silence across the compound moving at a steady pace, a pace which Cloud was starting to have trouble keeping up with. His head was beginning to pulse a little as they approached the soldier apartments and he was vaguely aware that they were going inside. They entered the lift and he watched as the commander pressed the button, which would take them to Zack's floor, and Cloud began to hear his own heartbeat in his head.

"Are you unwell?" Angeal asked, noting how the cadet's face had become paler.

"I'm alright, Sir" Cloud managed, but he knew it was a lie.

Angeal watched him suspiciously as the lift came to a stop and they got out. Cloud struggled to focus as the corridor began to sway and he unconsciously reached out a hand to steady himself. The wall didn't so much support him, but more catch him as he fell against it. He gasped as the hard surface jarred his shoulder, but it only lasted a moment as he slid to the ground. Angeal was beside him in a second, catching his head before it hit the floor, and lowering him gently onto the carpeted surface.

"You are still weak from your ... experience."

Cloud didn't even bother trying to reply, there was just too much effort needed right now to remember how to breath.

"Zack's apartment is just over there. I will carry you the rest of the way."

Cloud hated being carried, hated the contact, hated the way it made him look weak. Right now he didn't care.

He could feel himself being lifted by strong arms, felt himself being pressed against a strong chest, felt the gentle sway of their bodies as he was carried towards Zack's door. The door took a minute to open after Angeal had knocked, it gave Cloud enough time to gather himself a little. The world was a little more in focus when Zack appeared in the doorway and looked down at him. Cloud almost wished he had passed out then, wanted to be unconscious in the commander's arms, just so he wouldn't have to see that look in Zack's eyes or hear the words from his lips.

"Gaia, Angeeeaaalll, what did you do to him?" The soldier whined in frustration.

"Nothing. I merely escorted him here as you requested" the commander informed Zack stiffly.

"Escorted as in let's go slow and see how you handle it, or escorted as in move now?" The soldier, asked clearly annoyed.

"Humph" was Angeal's response as he pushed past the soldier and made his way into the apartment.

"I warned you that it would be best if you escorted the cadet here" he reminded the soldier, trying to keep his voice neutral.

He knew it was because Zack was worried about the cadet, because he cared for the blonde, which made him act this way. Angeal hated it, hated the way Zack had become so guilt ridden about the boy's injury, hated the way the young soldier took his role as mentor so seriously now. It was not the Zack he knew, not the solider he had mentored himself. The fun, care free Zack was gone and this imposter was in his place.

Angeal didn't know who he was angrier at, the blonde for changing his puppy like this, or Zack himself for letting it happen. The young soldier had always worn his heart on his sleeve, exposing it for the entire world to see. It was both his greatest strength and his greatest weakness. Right now it was leaving him vulnerable, his mind unfocused beyond that of the cadet, the internal struggle and hurt being shown so easily.

He moved through the apartment easily carrying Cloud into the spare room and carefully laid him on the bed. He couldn't help but notice that the cadet had started to tremble and glanced up to the boys face to check if he was alright. As soon as their eyes connected Angeal felt it, knew how it was that Cloud had been able to affect Zack so much. The blonde hair which framed that delicate face was nothing in comparison to those eyes, eyes which shone crystal blue, so full of emotion, so lost and alone. The commander blinked several times before quickly moving away. He turned away from the cadet and spoke as he made his way back into the living room area of the apartment.

"He will be fine once he has eaten and rested properly." Angeal managed, thankful that his voice was not betraying his slightly confused state.

Zack stood beside the breakfast bar, which separated the kitchen from the rest of the living room, and looked at his old mentor questioningly. He knew that something had happened to change Angeal's attitude towards Cloud. The man had been against the idea of Cloud living here, had tried to oppose it even, but thankfully Sephiroth had agreed it to be a suitable arrangement for the time being. Now Zack could see the trace of worry for the blonde in his friend's eyes, could hear the hint of concern in his voice.

Thankfully the soldier had more sense than to push the issue, he had learnt a long time ago to let some blessing s go until they were ready to be seen properly. He had after all, been the one to get Angeal to learn how to relax and not take life so seriously. A small stab of pain pricked at Zack's heart, sometimes he missed those days, he missed how easy things were back then. How life had been so carefree, when only being on time for classes, doing his homework and training with Angeal had mattered.

"Thank you" Zack said, letting the love he held for the man be heard.

Their relationship was more than mentor and pupil, it was one of close friends, maybe even that of a father and son. It was something Zack cherished dearly and he had almost forgotten that in the past few days. Angeal noticed the soft glow in Zack's eyes and felt his heart lift a little. This was the soldier he knew, the soldier who was filled with light and life. It was still faint, but it was returning.

"You are quiet welcome" Angeal responded letting his own emotions be conveyed through his voice.

They stood this way for a moment, both smiling softly and sharing a private conversation through their eyes.

"If you need anything" Angeal offered breaking the silence.

"I'll call" Zack reassured him gently.

Angeal smiled a little more as Zack's face seemed to relax. The hard lines which had started to become a permanent fixture on the soldiers face were actually starting to ease a little. Angeal nodded in acceptance of the response and moved towards the door, with Zack following close behind.

Angeal opened the door but paused before passing through it.

"I'm sorry if I rushed the boy here, would you ... apologise for me."

"Sure and don't worry. I bet the exercise did him some good" the soldier half joked.

Another bit of weight fell from the commanders shoulders. If Zack was able to joke then maybe things were going to be alright, maybe his bouncy puppy would come back.

"Take care of yourself, and ... Cloud" Angeal said and then he was gone, moving down the corridor wordlessly.

"Thanks, I will" Zack breathed softly to the now empty doorway, his voice tired and weary.

The commander heard the apartment door close softly as he waited for the elevator to return. Then and only then did he let his shoulders slump forward, let the sigh escape his lips, as something heavy settled once more on his chest.

"Come back to me puppy" he pleaded quietly, his voice strained.

No one approached him as he made his way towards the VR room, his face clearly warning people he was not to be disturbed. Angeal was actually pleased when he saw Sephiroth waiting for him outside the training room.

"Which setting shall we have it on today?" The general enquired, noting Angeal's current mood.

"As high as it will go" the commander growled, tightening his grip on the sword which now rested in his hands.

"I see" was all Sephiroth said.

A second later the programme was running and neither man had time to think beyond the fight, it was just what Angeal needed.


	5. Chapter 5: Something new

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**This picks up straight after Angeal leaves. It mainly focuses on how Zack and Cloud interact since the painful conversation in the hospital.**

**It feels right to develop the characters slowly like this, but please review to let me know what you think.**

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**Something new**

Zack lent against the closed door, his forehead resting on the flat surface, and let out a deep sigh.

"Now what do I do?" he asked the hard surface, his voice a whisper in the silent apartment.

He turned slowly and lent back against the door, using it as a support for his drained body. This had been his idea, he had even pushed for this, but now it was here he was beginning to doubt the decision.

"Stop it" he scolded himself sternly.

His mind acknowledged that it was wasting time and energy with this pointless worry, Cloud was here so that was that, now he had to focus on getting the cadet better. Thoughts of the young blonde had the soldier moving through the apartment towards the spare bedroom. He hesitated outside the door, a small wave of unease washing over him. Could he face the cadet right now? Could he look in those eyes again? Would he be able to answer the blonde's questions?

Shaking his head Zack pushed the concerns to one side and knocked softly on the door. He waited a moment for a reply, but when none came he decide to enter anyway.

Cloud was lying on the bed where Angeal had put him, clearly afraid to move from where he had been placed. The cadet's eyes flashed up to meet his own and Zack noted the scared look a second before it disappeared. In the space of a heart beat Cloud's eyes had gone cold and empty, all emotions cut off from the world and hidden away. It was only now that Zack understood, as he looked into those empty eyes. This was how Cloud often looked, which meant this was how Cloud always lived.

"You've got that defensive thing down pretty well" the soldier commented from where he stood in the doorway.

Cloud's eyes darkened slightly and his lips formed a tight line, other than that he didn't respond to Zack's comment.

"Ok, so I'm getting the silent treatment, now worries."

Again no reply was given.

"Look I'm hungry, you wanna eat. I can cook something, what do you fancy?"

Something flashed in the cadet's eyes for a brief second, but it was too fast for Zack to understand, then Cloud shock his head.

"Uuumm ok" he responded scratching the back of his head nervously.

There was a long uncomfortable silence between them as neither spoke.

"I guess I'll give you some time to settle in. If you need anything I'm just in the other room."

"Why am I here?"

Cloud's voice was loud, the question asked with a determined tone, but the soldier could also hear the tremble in the words. Zack stopped and turned back to face the cadet, saw the unease in the blonde's eyes once more, the wall Cloud had built up cracking slightly.

"So I can help you get better."

"I'm not sick" Cloud's voice was cold now and defensive.

"Yes you are. You're skin and bones from not eating and over training. You haven't even got the strength to get from the infirmary to here without nearly passing out. By the way Angeal apologises for rushing you."

Cloud blinked several times, each time a different emotion showing in his eyes. Zack watched in amazement at the array of sensations which played across the blondes face, surprise, anger, fear, distrust, annoyance, confusion. The soldier couldn't help but smile softly as Cloud's lips moved wordlessly, clearly unsure what to say. That was until Cloud's eyes settled on rage.

"What the hell's so funny?" Cloud growled softly.

"Nothing, nothings funny about any of this" Zack admitted his own frustration beginning to show.

"Then why the hell do you care?"

"I thought we covered this one. I care about you."

"You mean you feel sorry for me."

"No Cloud, I care about you, probably more than I'm supposed too."

Zack knew that those words should have been said in a different way, not so harsh and bitter. It was also a confession he wasn't sure he should be making right now and it disturbed him that he had let it slip so easily. He didn't have time to think about it thought as Cloud's voice cut through his thoughts sounding pained and full of confusion.

"But I ... disappointed you. I ... let you down. You should ... hate me"

Zack couldn't understand the sudden turn around, it had been so quick from their building fight, he wasn't prepared for it. He had been expecting this issue to come up, but he hadn't expected Cloud to think he was hated. When had that happened, what part of their interaction had led Cloud to believe that. The soldier was left speechless and looked around helplessly for something to say unable to meet the cadet's eyes.

Unfortunately when he did finally look up again, he saw the tears which were now flowing freely down Cloud's pale cheeks. Zack watched in despair, as the cadet in front of him broke again.

Oh Gaia I'm sorry" he gasped, quickly making his way across the room.

He was at the cadet's side in an instant and pulling him into a tight embrace, just as he had done in the hospital, only this time Cloud flinched at the contact. Zack felt a stab of pain in his chest and cringed at the mistake he had made. This was a different time and a different place, he had no right to assume Cloud would still want this contact. Memories of how their last conversation had ended flashed through him now and he regretted the action even more. It was no surprise that Cloud wouldn't want to be held after what he had said, or hadn't said to the blonde.

With reluctance he let his arms loosen from the embrace and began to move away. He had screwed this up completely, had rushed in when he should have held back, how was he supposed to reassure someone who didn't trust him? Zack was so busy chastising himself that Cloud's sudden movement caught him by surprise. He had barely pulled away when a trembling body pressed itself firmly against his own, and a head was buried against his chest.

"Hold me ... please."

The sound of Cloud's desperate pleading voice was like nails in the soldier's chest and Zack's heart just couldn't take it anymore. He had fought monsters, demons, been involved in training sessions and battles that could destroy even the strongest mako enhanced soldier. Yet this cadet had him on his knees. As he tightened his hold on the blonde once more, he doubted that even the mighty General Sephiroth would have been able to deny such a heartbreaking plea.

"I'm here" he managed to rasp through a suddenly thick throat.

Cloud didn't respond, just continued to cry in his arms, buried deep into the embrace. His head was pressed as firmly as it could be against Zack's chest and the soldier could feel his top becoming damp with the tears which soaked into it. It made him feel cold inside, as the area above his heart was drenched in the cadet's despair. As all the emotions came pouring out of the blonde and saturated the soldier's already worn nerves with more hurt.

He wasn't sure how long he waited? How much time had passed? How long he held the shattered remains of the cadet he had grown to care for? Zack didn't know and in truth he just didn't care. Nothing mattered right now except that Cloud had finally stopped crying.

It would have been nice to think that it was over, that the absence of tears meant the blonde was alright, but it didn't. Zack could still feel the cadet trembling in his arms, knew it was simply because the blonde was too tired to cry, that the tears had dried because there was just no energy left to let them fall.

He coughed slightly, to clear the lump which had formed in his throat.

"I'm not disappointed in you" he told the cadet, keeping his voice low.

There was a long pause, as the soldier gathered himself before continuing, the words he needed to say now clear in his mind.

"I'm going to be honest with you, I think you need that. You might not like what I'm going to say, but I need you to listen to all of it before you argue with me. Ok?"

Cloud remained silent but nodded his head gently in understanding and acceptance of Zack's terms.

"It's true, that you let me down" his words hitched as Cloud's body suddenly tensed within his arms.

"But it's not because of what you did. I'm not saying I agree with it, and if you ever do it again, I swear I am gonna kill you myself ..." Zack stopped, realising that his words were becoming a stern ramble, and refocused on the point he was trying to make.

"I'm just saying, you should have come to me. That's what hurts the most, that you didn't feel you could come to me about it, about anything? I thought we were friends, that we had something...special." This time he stopped because the words were beginning to choke him.

"I'm sorry" Cloud sobbed against him.

The cadet's hands moved now, no longer staying in the protective circle of Zack's body, instead going around the soldier's chest and gripping him tightly. Zack let the blonde hold him, let this simple action fill him with hope. If Cloud was reaching on for someone to hold onto then Zack would be his anchor, would hold him fast in this stormy sea of troubles.

"It's ok, I know you are" the soldier soothed moving a hand to run fingers through the blondes hair. "I'm sorry as well. I didn't mean to upset you, I just ... I just need you to know that I'm here for you" he continued, feeling the cadet relax into the touch.

They sat in silence for a while, the soldier continuing this simple act of reassurance, the cadet accepting the comfort it brought.

Somewhere within the darkness a presence stirred restlessly, as a faint ember ignited and began to glow. The voice recognised this spark of life and hissed. It didn't like this light in its domain, wanted to blow the flickering symbol of hope out, but no matter how hard it tried the tiny flame would not die. Cloud felt the voice, heard it scream at him in frustration, and he smiled.

Zack felt the cadet's body becoming limp in his arms, knew the blonde was once again asleep. He gently lowered Cloud's body on the bed and, after removing the blonde's boots, arranged him carefully under the soft sheets. He brought the covers up under the cadet's chin, tucking him in tightly, making sure that he was safely cocooned within the blankets.

He actually felt his heart skip a beat when he saw the small smile on Cloud's lips. He didn't know what he had said or done to help it come, but knew he would do anything he could to keep it there.

"I'm here for you" he told the unconscious blonde gently.

He ran a hand once more over Cloud's brow, gently pushing some stray hairs out of the blonde's eyes and laughing softly as they bounced back again. He only paused once to look back at the sleeping cadet and then he was gone closing the door behind him, but not all the way.

He made sure that a faint glow entered the bedroom, through a gap in the doorway, should Cloud wake and need the light to guide him in the darkness.


	6. Chapter 6: Broken glass

**This update is a little sooner as work has been almost non-existent at the moment. Great for story writing, but lousy for living expenses. Anyway, enough of the moaning.**

**This chapter and the one after it are connected and you need to read both to get the full picture. Once again Cloud's emotions are in a turmoil and Zack is there trying to pick up the pieces, while his own heart is struggling. Thank goodness Angeal is around to help put the pieces together.**

**Please review, it always helps to know what people think.**

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**Broken glass**

"I just don't know what to do."

Angeal felt the hurt in those words, the sense of defeat they held as they passed the soldier's lips.

"You have to be strong Zack, it's only been a couple of days."

"It's been three days and we've hardly spoken." The soldier whined in frustration.

"Not at all?"

"No, not since the first day. He's hardly eaten either and I swear I can sometimes hear him crying at night, not that he'll admit to it."

Zack kicked at a lose pebble in frustration and watched as it bounced twice before disappearing from view. He had thought their first day was a break through, with Cloud and him opening up a little, but since then the cadet had closed himself off again. The soldier sighed heavily he just didn't understand what had happened, didn't know why the cadet was suddenly so withdrawn.

"Be patient Zack, he needs time."

"I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing or ..."

"You are doing perfectly well" Angeal interrupted, no longer wanting to hear the self doubt in the soldier's voice. "No one can be expected to know what to say and do in these situations. Each person is different and so must be handled differently."

"You sure there's no manual" Zack half joked.

"No, but if there were, and knowing how much you enjoy studying, would you actually read it?" the commander teased remembering the chore it had been to get the boy to study in the past.

"You know, I might actually try this time" Zack replied a small laugh accompanying the words.

Angeal smiled to himself. It had taken the best part of two hours to get Zack to open up, to talk about what had been going on. He was glad now that he had dragged the soldier from his apartment, under the pretence of getting groceries, if only to give them both some time apart to relieve the tension in the air.

"Have either of you left the apartment?" he enquired casually shifting the bag of food in his hand.

"No, except for this. Thanks by the way" Zack replied smiling at his old mentor. The look in his eyes clearly said he knew what Angeal had done and was grateful for it.

"You are welcome" Angeal replied smiling back.

They reached the apartment door a few minutes later both seeming more relaxed and happy after the shopping trip. Zack swiped the key card through the lock and then pushed the door open. His face fell a second later as the metallic smell of blood hit his nose and the taste of copper floated on the air.

"CLOUD!" he shouted, dropping the bag he had been carrying and charging into the apartment.

Fear gripped him as he slid to a stop by the kitchen area, where a terrified cadet was pressed as far back against the work surface as he could be. It took Zack a second to see the blood on the work surface, on the floor, on Cloud's visible hand. It was only when he noticed that the blonde was forcing his other arm behind his back, trying to hide it, that he became enraged. His eyes burned with anger at the betrayal, the mako within them igniting in a fiery glow.

"You promised" he hissed at the cadet, finally meeting Cloud's eyes.

He was momentarily shocked to see the panic in those eyes, the fear that danced within the glistening orbs, but it wasn't enough to stop him rushing forward and pulling Cloud's arm round in front of them both.

"It ... it was an accident ... I swear ... the glass ... broke" the cadet stammered, his body trembling in Zack's grasp.

Zack glared up from the bloody cloth which covered Cloud's hand and met the cadet's eyes again. He saw the pleading look in them, the need to be believed above anything else, and the fear of how Zack was reacting. He threw his gaze at the sink, where Cloud's look had indicated, and there in amongst the water and other items was indeed a broken glass. Zack sighed heavily his shoulders slumping forward, this was too much for him, just too damned much.

"I'm sorry" he breathed at last, unable to meet Cloud's eyes.

He wasn't sure what hurt most, the way he had treated his friend of the fact he had doubted him. He held his grip on Cloud's wrist, even as the cadet tried to pull it away, and began to unwrap the cloth. As soon as the material was free, a fresh trail of blood began to trickle down the hand escaping from a nasty cut on the palm.

"Let me see" Angeal instructed stepping forward.

Cloud instinctively pulled back drawing away from them both, but Zack held the arm firmly in place stopping him from moving far. As the commander moved closer to inspect the wound, Cloud tried desperately to pull himself free of the soldier's grip. In response Zack simply pulled Cloud's straining limb forward, forcing the cadet's body up against his own.

It took Angeal two seconds, of inspecting the bloody wound, to spot a glistening sliver and remove it. Cloud's body tensed at the contact and a small hiss of pain escaped through clenched teeth, before his lips slammed shut trapping the sound in.

"It appears you were telling the truth" Angeal mused dropping the sliver of offending material into the bin.

"I told you" Cloud responded. The tone was cold and bitter, but Angeal also noticed the hurt in there as well.

"We should clean it and dress the wound" he informed them both, ignoring the cadets seething look.

Zack knew what Angeal was looking for when the man began rummaging through the bottom cupboard, it had after all be something his old mentor had given him a long time ago. As if confirming his suspicions Angeal drew the first aid kit out a moment later. The familiar snapping sound of the clips being opened resonated in the now silent apartment.

"Wash his hand while I prepare the dressing" Angeal instructed and Zack followed it without question.

He easily spun Cloud's body around, using the rigid limb in his grasp as a lever. It forced Cloud's body even closer to his own, but right now he didn't care, as he reached forward with his free hand to turn on the water. He adjusted the temperature until it was suitable and then brought his other hand forward, forcing Cloud's injury under the spray. He felt the cadet flinch at the contact, and knew the jagged cut must hurt, but no sound escaped the blondes tightly sealed lips.

"That should be enough" Angeal's voice broke through his thoughts and he quickly turned off the water, spinning Cloud around once more to face the commander.

Zack continued to hold Cloud's hand tightly and guided it towards Angeal like some kind of offering. The cadet remained tense ready to pull the limb away the minute he was freed or the grip was loosened, whichever came first. It didn't take the commander long to dry and wrap the wound in a secure bandage, and just as Zack had predicted Cloud pulled away the minute his grip on the cadets wrist began to loosen. He watched in anguish as the blonde moved himself as far away from the men as he could, all but pushing himself in to the cabinets he was leaning against.

Angeal took in the cadet's battle ready form, the way it swayed between attack and defence, and sighed softly. The boy's eyes were a sea of emotions, and they raged together like a storm. He recognised the behaviour of a caged animal and knew there was only one way to deal with this situation. He slowly stepped around to stand beside Zack, his hands raised in surrender, allowing the cadet an escape route.

Cloud's eyes blazed, the suspicion clearly overriding anything else at that point. It made Angeal heart beat a little faster, what could have happened to this boy to make him so untrusting and defensive. Cloud gazed briefly at the offered path and then back at them before his body moved across the kitchen area. Angeal would have been impressed at the speed if this had been a training exercise, but instead found it disconcerting as the spare bedroom door slammed shut behind the retreating figure a second later.

A pitiful groan from the soldier next to him brought Angeal back from his thoughts and he quickly wound his arms protectively around Zack's shoulders. Zack jumped at first, not used to such open shows of affection from his old mentor, normally he was the one to initiate this form of contact. It took him a second to realise he didn't care who started it, just that he needed it and he quickly brought his arms up to complete the embrace.

"Angeal I can't do this" he gasped, his voice choking on unshed tears

"Yes you can, you're strong and you can do this"

"But I ..."

"No" Angeal's voice was firm as it cut through his response.

"You are stronger than anyone I know, this was just a minor setback. He will come to trust you again, just give it time."

"I doubted him, I shouldn't have done that."

"You have a bridge to repair, it will take time."

"Huh?" Zack managed, moving back from the embrace to meet his friend's eyes.

Angeal smiled down at the soldier's curious stare and couldn't help but feel his old mentoring instincts kicking in.

"Oh puppy, you still have so much to learn" he chided softly.

"Angeal" Zack whined softly, but the smile which began to form showed he wasn't really upset by the use of his nickname.

"Bridges are built to join things, correct?"

"Yea."

"Well even friendships require a bridge, something to be built to join two people."

"You want me to build a bridge?" Zack asked confused.

"Zack, sometimes it amazes me that you got into soldier at all" but his tone was amused.

"So you're saying that Cloud and I had a 'bridge' which joined us together and it's what 'broken'?"

"Exactly. You must go back and rebuild that bridge, fix the damage. Then when the boy is ready, he will cross over it to you."

"You know Angeal, in a weird way, that actually makes sense" Zack mused thoughtfully.

Angeal smiled as he saw the gears in Zack's brain turning, pleased that the soldier was already beginning to form a plan in his mind.

"Any ideas?" he enquired, stepping back and releasing the soldier from their embrace.

"Yea, one" Zack replied hesitantly.

"Well, what is it?"

"It's the first thing we did after he accepted my mentoring offer."

"And that was?"

"I kicked his butt in training" Zack informed Angeal, the worry and hesitation for the idea clearly visible in his words.

"I see. Well we can only try" he offered hopefully.

"We. You mean you'll help?"

"For this first time yes, I will be there just in case."

"Thanks Angeal, you're the best" Zack leapt up hugging the commander tightly.

"Indeed, now go inform Cloud to get ready."

"Sure thing."

Angeal watched as his puppy made his way towards the cadet's room. It was only once the soldier went inside the room that he let out the breath he had been holding. He knew that building bridges was hard and that rebuilding them was even harder.

He quickly tidied away the mess and was just putting the first aid kit back in its place when Zack reappeared.

"Everything arranged?"

Zack's tired eyes came up to met his and Angeal smiled reassuringly.

"I take it he didn't want to go."

"No" Zack sighed slumping onto the sofa "I had to make it an order."

"I see. Perhaps not the best start, but a start nevertheless."

"He'll be out once he's changed."

A few minutes later a blonde cadet appeared in the doorway, having changed out of his casual clothes, and stood tall meeting their eyes, a training sword held tightly in his hand.

"Ready?" the commander asked.

The cadet nodded silently in response, a fierce determination showing on his face, while a soldier simply nodded in uncertainty.


	7. Chapter 7: Words cut deeper

**Hopefully you are still reading so I won't keep you waiting. Please remember to review at the end, I really want to know what you think.**

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**Words cut deeper**

They made their way across the compound in silence. Even Zack had yet to make a sound, which disturbed Angeal more than he cared to admit. The commander glanced over at the soldier and noted the way Zack continued to glance nervously at the cadet. He shook his head as the blonde continued to ignore them both, his eyes fixed on the floor and his body rigid as it moved along the path.

"Have you had much experience using a sword" the commander asked, needing the strained silence to end.

His efforts to lighten the mood were dampened as Cloud simply nodded a reply to indicate that he had. Angeal's mind raced looking for another avenue to begin a conversation, Zack's silence still unsettling him. He was normally happy to enjoy the quiet, while the soldier would usually ramble endlessly, but for some reason this quiet was unnatural and it made him feel uneasy.

"Have you mastered the basic of stance and grip?"

Again Cloud nodded.

"How many lessons have you had?"

Cloud remained silent, unsure how to answer without actually speaking to the commander. It was Zack who stepped in and finally spoke.

"This will be our fifth session with the sword."

"I assume you studied basic hand to hand combat before that?"

Both soldier and cadet nodded silently in response and Angeal felt his fists tighten, the desire to smack their heads together growing stronger within him. He drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, as he unclenched his hands.

The journey continued in silence and the commander couldn't help but notice the looks they received from the people who passed by. He was beginning to wonder just how bad they looked with all three of them dressed in full uniform attire and carrying swords. It knew it was unusual to have two soldiers accompanying a cadet through the compound and was fully aware of the rumours about the blonde, even if the cadet and Zack weren't. They reached the gym without interruption and quickly went inside.

The silence was even worse as the door closed behind them shutting out the normal sounds of everyday life and leaving them in a strange void of nothingness. Angeal went to speak, but Cloud was already moving across the room to the mats, his sword now gripped tightly in his hand as he began to move it in a series of warm up stretches. The commander watched as the cadet formed graceful arches with the blade, the swing of the metal being precise and controlled rather well for a fifth lesson.

"He has talent" Angeal noted airing his opinion to Zack.

"Yea, he does" Zack sighed smiling at the blonde across the room.

"You have taught him well."

"Thanks, but it's mostly him. Kid works to damn hard sometimes."

Angel noted the worried tone and raised an eyebrow at the soldier showing his need to know more.

"I get it now, why he achieves so much" Zack admitted in a hushed tone "He studies and trains to escape everything else. It makes him a great soldier candidate, but a really lonely person."

Angeal's heart skipped a beat as the words sunk in. He knew now why the boy's eyes had affected him that time in Zack's apartment. They were the eyes of a friend from his own adolescence, a friend who had grown up to be a great, but very lonely, man.

Angeal looked over at the blonde and for the briefest of moments he saw Sephiroth as a teenager. The way the cadets body moved completely focused on the task, his expression closed off from anything else. The commander's grip tightened on his sword and he felt anger burn within him. He would be damned if he was going to let another person suffer that fate, and he would do anything to protect Zack from feeling what he himself felt every time he looked at the general.

"We should begin" he informed the soldier sternly before moving towards the cadet.

Zack blinked several times confused by what had just happened. He could have sworn that for the briefest of moments his old mentor had looked haunted by the sight of the cadet, but now the man's serious look was just unnerving.

"Angeal?" Zack asked hesitantly as he hurried to catch up.

Cloud didn't know what hit him as a blur of movement caught his vision and he barely had time to register the flash of silver as a sword swung down towards him. The cadet brought his own blade up quickly to meet the descending attack and metal clanged loudly in the room as swords connected.

Angeal saw the flicker of emotion within the cadet's eyes, even if was only for a second, and he inwardly cheered. If the blonde would not open up freely then he would push until the boy cracked.

"Good defence" he complemented, before bringing the sword round again.

Cloud dodged the attack and brought his sword down to deflect the returning blow aimed at his chest. He grunted at the impact and pushed back against the force. Anger began to boil within him and he used that rage to fuel his movements. No longer caring who was attacking him, Cloud swung his own blade round aiming for the commander's head and growled when the blow was easily avoided. Their battle ensued with Angeal holding the cadet at bay easily, and Cloud throwing everything he had at the man. Zack watched helplessly as the pair moved through the room, his loyalties torn between defending Cloud and trusting Angeal's abilities.

The decision was reached for him when an exhausted Cloud fell and Angeal's sword began a long arc which would clever the cadet in two. Zack had his sword draw and was in front of the descending blade in a second. He braced for the impact and absorbed some of the force, his knees bending, as metal crashed together between them.

Time stopped as Zack and Angeal faced each other. The questions poured wordlessly from the soldier's eyes and the commander silently reassured that this was necessary. Zack opened his mouth to ask why, when Cloud spoke angrily from the floor behind him.

"I could have handled it."

"You were down" the soldier informed him sternly without letting up his stance.

"I don't need your help."

"Really?" Now Zack was mad. He let his sword drop and turned to glare at the cadet "and how did you reach that decision?"

"I've survived this far by myself, I can manage fine without you" Cloud informed him coldly.

"Without me you'd be dead" Zack hissed through gritted teeth.

Cloud went to speak, stopped as if unsure of the words, and then tried again. He growled in frustration clenching his fists when still nothing came.

"Why do you close yourself off from the world?" Angeal asked ignoring the steadily building tension.

"I don't and it's none of your business" Cloud responded bluntly.

"Yes you do, and don't you dare talk to him like that" Zack yelled at the cadet making the blonde visibly jump.

Cloud's eyes blinked rapidly as he fought the change in emotions within him. He had been hurt and then angry, so very angry at them both, but now he was scared and unsure. Zack had never been like this before, well not that he had seen, and never at him. Cloud began to wonder if he had gone too far this time, but maybe he needed to do this, maybe it was better if Zack hated him.

"I'll talk to him however I want to" the cadet growled back evenly, a decision being reached in his mind. If he was going to hell, then he would go down in a ball of fire.

"Why you ..."

Zack shot forward and the next thing Cloud knew he was airborne, his body flipping over several times as pain burned through his chest. He hit the ground and rolled a short distance before coming to a complete stop. He gasped for breath as hands suddenly grabbed his shirt and wrenched him round to face someone. His heart shattered as Zack's enraged and pain filled eyes bore into his own and knew this was how it had to be. Accepting what was to come Cloud quickly closed himself off again.

Zack was breathing hard, could feel his heart pounding in his chest, could feel every part of his body wanting to rip something apart. Cloud had no right to speak to Angeal in that way and it tore at him to think that the cadet had no respect for either of them. Then he saw into the Cloud's eyes for a second, before they went empty. Realisation of what he had done hit Zack like a slap on the face and he dropped the blonde back on the floor, before throwing himself away.

Cloud watched as Zack's face became panicked, as the soldier retreated as quickly as he could and stood shaking a short distance away, their eyes never leaving each others. Zack's pain was so clearly shown, while Cloud let the emptiness continue to be seen as the wall grew stronger.

Angeal looked from the soldier to the cadet and back again and knew this had gone badly. Zack was a mess, his emotions driving him to a terrifying conclusion, while the cadet looked almost lifeless as he lay on the hard surface at their feet.

"Do you really believe that hurting Zack will make things easier for you?"

Cloud's eyes flicked to him now and Angeal shuddered slightly at the cold depths that those blue orbs held. They were too much like Sephiroth's and he silently hoped they weren't already too late.

"He will not leave you, if that is your intention" the commander informed the cadet evenly "You will only cause him pain, but he will never abandon you."

The cadet blinked at him, the face still unreadable as he spoke.

"Why?"

"Zack is a loyal and devoted friend, he does not give up on anyone, whatever heartache it might cause him."

Angeal stopped now to look towards the soldier, relieved to see that the fear and anger was fading from Zack's face, but wounded by the pleading look for him to stop. He knew how Zack felt for the cadet, had known for a while, and been proud of the soldier for putting his duty before his own desires. But not anymore.

"I'm sorry puppy" he tried, hoping to give some comfort before the final hurt could be unleashed.

The commander's eyes came round to meet the cadets once more and focused every part of himself into his next words.

"He will also never let go of someone he loves dearly."

Cloud felt the world around him fall away as his heart beat desperately in his chest, felt the air cease to enter his body as his lungs forgot how to breathe, and felt Angeal's words hang dangerously in the air above him. He looked away from them both, tried to hold his wall in place as it began to crumble. Oh Gaia Zack loved him, really and truly loved him. He screwed his eyes shut tight as the wall gave way, as the sea of emotions came crashing down around him and Angeal's words fell like shards of broken glass on his heart.

"It's bet ... it's better if .." Cloud could feel himself choking on the words, his heart screaming not to say them. "Just let me go" he managed his voice strained.

"I can't" Zack replied his voice also cracking.

"Please" Cloud whispered.

"Then tell me you don't feel the same, tell me you don't love me the way I love you."

Cloud choked, the very air around him his enemy, as he struggled to breathe through it all. That was it, his way out, all he had to do was say those horrible words and Zack would be gone and he could go back to being alone. He wouldn't hurt the person he loved anymore and he would be safe within himself again. Zack could find someone who was better for him and Cloud could rebuild himself stronger than before. He wouldn't be weak like this anymore, wouldn't fall apart in front of them, wouldn't end up crying all the time and holding onto someone like a helpless child.

"I ..." he began, fighting every part of himself. "I ... don't ..."

He was gasping for breath now, his body shaking on the floor, the pressure of telling such a painful lie ripping him apart from the inside.

Zack watched the cadet struggling, the delicate face contorted in anguish, and stained with tears which had begun to escape from the tightly shut eyes. He could feel his own chest rising and falling in time with the blondes as they both tried desperately to control their bodies, as the torment of the situation wore them down. His heart was tearing apart waiting for Cloud to finish his sentence, every second that passed was another painful stab to the already damaged organ, the need to throw up growing stronger with every breath.

"I can't" Cloud cried out in pained frustration

Blue eyes flashed up to meet his own and Zack could have sworn that for the briefest of moments he had been able to see Cloud's soul. The blonde loved him, even if he didn't say the words, he hadn't denied them. The soldier stared into the cadet's eyes and tried to see it, to find the love that was held within, but Cloud's walls were already being rebuilt. Zack broke the connection between them unable to watch the cadet close himself off again, he rose to his feet and trembling legs carried him across the room towards the exit. He paused in the open door way, but didn't look back.

"Angeal, could you escort Cloud home please" and then the soldier was gone.

"I do not understand your circumstances and I will not pretend to understand" Angeal began drawing the cadets attention towards him "All I know is that Zack loves you, has loved you for some time, but always kept his distance so as not to upset you or ruin your friendship. If you care for him as he cares for you, which I believe you do, then I suggest you stop trying to hide and start being honest with him and with yourself."

Cloud blinked up at the commander before responding

"I'm scared" he admitted his voice barely a whisper

"And you believe he is not?"

Cloud remained silent once more and Angeal knew it was time they left. He motioned for the cadet to follow him, but didn't bother to look back to check, knowing his orders would be followed without question. The cadet knew and understood respect, even if he had tried to show otherwise. He stopped and turned in the door way, one more question on his mind.

"I know what you did before and I will not ask why you did it, but I do wish to know what made you change your mind. What happened to make you fight to live again?"

"Zack" was all Cloud could say, and yet that answer seemed to be more than enough.

They walked towards the apartment in silence, neither in the mood for discussion, both lost in their own thoughts.

Angeal moved silently beside the troubled blonde and found himself pondering what had come to pass. It hadn't been in vain, he was sure of that, but the results were still unclear. It trouble the commander to know that there was still so much unsaid, still so many questions left unanswered.

Beside him the cadet walked lost within himself, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts, as he worked desperately to seal them all away. He slowly began to rebuild his defences against the world, reforming the barriers he needed to protect himself. Slowly the wall began to take shape again casting shadows in the light. Deep in the darkness a flame flickered dangerously low and a voice laughed with glee. If the boy was willing to extinguish the flame himself then it would be too happy to let him. It watched as the light grew a little dimmer and the darkness surged forward once again.


	8. Chapter 8: Acceptance

**Sorry it took so long to update. I had an idea to go with the story, but it took a little bit longer to work it in than I thought it would. Here are the first parts leading up to it, I will add the rest as soon as it's read through for corrections.**

**As always please review and let me know how I'm doing :o)**

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**Acceptance**

From the outside the cadet looked calm and composed, his facade giving the impression of a student deeply immersed in his studies. But that's all that it was, a facade. Within the blonde there was a storm raging, a combination of thoughts and emotions which attacked his very soul, draining him of all rational thought. Had any one actually approached the studious cadet they would have seen that his eyes were unfocused to the world, as the boy looked in upon himself with contempt. They would know that the person before them was not really there, but lost somewhere within his own thoughts, struggling with things which would never be spoken aloud.

There was a darkness within him, a place which bore his pain and suffering, feeding on the fear and doubt as if it were sweet nectar. He hated this place, knew it was where that voice was born and now lived, understood that it was his own suffering which had given this place life. It made the feelings of self hate even stronger, which in turn only feed the darkness more. How do you ignore something which is a part of you? How do you accept that, no matter how much you want it to go away, you also need it to survive? There was nothing here to help him, no comfort or protection, not anymore. He had built this place to hide in, but instead it had hidden something from him. Something which had developed quietly within him, steadily growing stronger, until he wasn't sure where he ended and it began.

Cloud felt everything, knew he was in trouble, but somehow he still didn't care. There were other things to worry about now, things which he could control. His 'accident' had left him behind in his classes, due to missing sessions while recovering, so now he sat on the bed with a pile of books and assignment's which Angeal had kindly brought over. He still wasn't allowed to return to his normal programme, Zack still unwilling to let him leave the apartment unattended, and so his lessons had been mostly self-taught in a vain attempt to catch up. It wasn't hard really, for Cloud to catch up. He was a good student and understood what information was relevant to complete the assignments. He was also glad of the distraction, immersing himself in the various books so as to avoid the soldier.

It had been uncomfortable that evening, when Zack had finally come home from his ... run. Cloud had wanted to greet him with open arms, to hold him tight while apologising for saying such horrible things, but he hadn't. His words and actions had died, just as a part of his heart had, when he saw the soldier's face and the restrained hurt which still bled from his eyes. They hadn't spoken, Zack simply walking past him and into the bathroom and the blonde retreating to the safety of his room. Neither soldier nor cadet slept that night, both fighting their own demons in the darkness.

It had been a few days since then and once again things were strained between them. Cloud was unwilling to open himself up again, fearing what he would say or do to hurt Zack and the soldier being hesitant to upset the already fragile cadet. So they had continued their lives in near silence, only speaking when necessary and always keeping conversation to safe subjects such as meal preferences, studies or work.

Zack had begun to resume some of his duties after that day, under Angeal's instructions, which gave them a short time apart each morning or afternoon. It should have been good, a sign that things were improving, and not the bringer of a disappointing truth. Cloud had seen it easily, that Zack was always more tense when he returned from work, and knew he was the cause of the soldiers suffering. The broken glass had been an accident and he thought Zack had accepted this, but quickly the cadet realised that the soldier might never trust him again, not completely.

Cloud sighed and closed the book on his lap. He had read the same page twice already, but tonight nothing was going in. There were just too many other things swirling about inside his mind. It was dark outside, the evening having slipped by silently, and the cadet felt something stirring within him. It was wrong to follow this desire, he knew that, but it was something he needed to do. Checking the clock and noting the time to be a little past eleven, he rose from the bed and quietly made his way towards the bedroom door. If he opened it and Zack was there he could always pretend to use the bathroom, but if the soldier was asleep then he could escape. It was a betrayal of trust, a kick to the already damaged faith the soldier had for him, but Cloud had to do this. He had been stuck in this place for too long, his only company being Zack and Angeal, the last god awful training session his only taste of freedom.

The door opened soundlessly and to Cloud's relief the living room was quiet and empty, Zack having gone to bed already. He slipped through the room as silently as a shadow and grabbed his boots from beside the door before fleeing the apartment. He put his boots on in the lift, having decided it was safer to do it there then risk being caught in the act within the apartment. With a quick pat to his trouser pocket, to make sure that Zack's key card was safely tucked inside, he snuck out of the building and disappeared around a corner blending in with the night.

The cadet was so caught up in the rush of freedom and independence, he didn't notice the two soldiers who had seen him leave. He didn't see the older man frown at his retreating figure or the younger one growl at the insult his actions portrayed.

"Do you wish to follow him?" Angeal asked cautiously, noting Zack's frayed nerves.

"Yes" Zack breathed evenly, already moving after the cadet.

"You must not be mad at him, his confinement was surely a discomfort."

"He wasn't confined" Zack snapped back.

"Did you ever allow him to leave, without your presence?" Angeal continued, ignoring the soldiers tone. "If not, then when was the last time you went out of the apartment together?"

Zack stopped, his brain finally understanding Angeal's point.

"He's been pacing lately" the soldier admitted sadly "I guess I never thought about it."

"Even prisoners get yard time" Angeal teased softly.

"Thanks, I'll remember that" Zack sighed only half amused.

They continued along the path for a little longer, following where the blonde had been heading, but the cadet was now nowhere to be seen. Zack felt the frustration rising within him and sighed heavily running a hand roughly through his hair. He stopped walking and looked around, straining to make out any shape in the dark which would resemble the blonde cadet. But Cloud was gone, like a leaf on the wind, lost from sight.

"Where the hell did he go?" the soldier asked the night, but it was Angeal who answered him.

"It would appear that rumour of a ghost had more truth to it than we thought."

"What do you mean?" Zack asked confused.

"You are aware of the rumour, a short while ago, about a ghost on the base."

"Yea, everyone heard about that. Put a few guys off their patrols and I had to cover."

Angeal frowned before continuing "You should not be covering for others, they need to accept their responsibilities."

"It's fine, I didn't mind and the guys paid me back so it's cool."

"Very well. My point is that the sightings where vague, odd descriptions of deathly pale skin and flashes of gold. Does that sound like anyone to you?"

Angeal waited for the soldier's mind to process the information and knew when the realisation had hit by the flash in Zack's eyes.

"It was him" he gasped softly.

"I believe so. Either he was carless to let them see him, which I doubt based on the way he managed to stay hidden, or he was playing with them."

"Hum, kids got balls."

"And skill. If he is able to avoid soldier patrols then his abilities for stealth are almost Turk worthy."

"Don't say that, he's not strong enough to be a Turk, not inside."

"I am aware of that, but the ability is still there nevertheless."

"So what do we do?"

"We wait for him to return and pretend that we are unaware of this incident."

"We lie to him?" Zack's tone clearly said he wasn't happy with the idea.

"No, not a lie. We will simply not talk about it. He clearly believes you are unaware of his absence and so it should remain that way."

"But why?"

"I'm surprised that you don't understand Zack. Do you not have ways of escaping sometimes?"

"Yes."

"Well this is his escape, and from the way he does it so well, I believe it is something he has been doing for a while."

"So if I take that away from him, it could make things worse?" Zack guessed cautiously.

"That is correct."

Zack sighed heavily and looked at his old mentor with sceptical eyes. He scratched the back of his head, as he always did when he was nervous, and let the idea play around in his head for a minute. Angeal noted the unease and decided to try one more thing to convince the soldier.

"If you hadn't forgotten the file would you be here now?" he asked carefully.

"No, but Seph needed it right away so .."

"That is not my point" Angeal interrupted. "Would you have been here to see him leave, or would you have been asleep as he assumed?"

"I guess I'd be asleep" Zack admitted beginning to understand Angeal's point.

"Then as the old saying goes what you don't know, can't hurt him."

"Isn't it what I don't know, can't hurt me" Zack enquired raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"That as well."

"Fine" Zack sighed resigning himself to the decision.

They turned back then and headed towards the apartments, neither speaking but simply enjoying the others company, and parted with wishes of pleasant dreams before heading to their separate living quarters.

Zack opened the door wearily as he entered the apartment, the familiar sound of the lock clicking to let him know it was closed once more behind him. He found himself wondering if Cloud had even considered the need for a key card to get back in later. Encouraged by a sudden idea he moved towards his dirty uniform trousers, which were still lying over the back of the chair in the living room, and began to fish through the pockets. It didn't take him long to find, or not find in this case, what he was looking for. The new key card he had attained for the cadet was now missing from where he had left it. So Cloud had 'borrowed' the key card, not realising it was a spare one for him anyway. The soldier sighed heavily letting the item of clothing drop back down again. He knew it meant that Cloud intended to come back without disturbing him, that perhaps it was done to be considerate of his feelings, but it still felt like another secret between them.

Zack didn't wait up to confront the cadet, he was too tired and didn't have the energy even if he had known what to say even. Instead he trusted that Angeal was right and Cloud would be in his room safe and sound when the morning came.

Unbeknown to the soldiers, their presence had also been noticed in the night. Their size and strength making them stand out from the shadows. He hadn't seen them at first, not until he had gone back on himself and heard the voices talking. Their words were spoken softly and parts were hindered by the sound of the wind in the trees where he hid, but he heard enough to understand. Blue eyes watched as the soldiers left, returning to the safety of the apartments, their acceptance of this clearly shown. A small smile graced delicate lips on a pale face and then with a blur of white and gold the cadet once again became one with the darkness and the shadows of the night.


	9. Chapter 9: Opening up

**Things are getting better for the pair, but there's still a long way to go. **

**I hope you're still enjoying the story. Just a small reminder to review at the end :o)**

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**Opening up**

It was late in the morning when Cloud finally emerged from the bedroom. While part of him still hated the feeling of being confined to the apartment another part of him was enjoying the opportunity for sleeping in. If he was going to be honest with himself, his routine of getting up early had pretty much disappeared. It would be hard to correct it if, no when, the time came. Yawning as he left the bedroom Cloud noticed that the apartment was quiet, a good sign that Zack wasn't about. Sure enough a quick check of the living room revealed a scrap of paper on the table informing the cadet of the soldier's whereabouts.

_**Hey**_

_**Got called into the office, thought I'd let you sleep. **_

_**I'll swing by for lunch, we'll go out.**_

_**Zack**_

Cloud ran his fingers over the words as if checking to make sure they were real. His heart fluttered slightly at the prospect of going out for lunch, he hadn't eaten anywhere but here in the apartment for so long, it was both an enjoyable and frightening prospect. Glancing at the kitchen clock the cadet noticed it was already past ten, he really had slept in today. Deciding that a shower was the first order of the day, his current dishevelled mess being a good indicator of his need to wash, he grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom.

The previous nights activities were still evident on his body, his time spent running around the compound having been exhilarating but also leaving him in desperate need of a shower. The hot soapy water felt incredible as it worked wonders on his tired body washing the dirt, sweat and grim away along with something else which had been clinging onto the cadet. It wasn't something he could see, or touch or feel, but the blonde still knew it was there and smiled when he felt it slip away.

As the water poured down over him Cloud felt his body easing, the tension from so many worries washing away. He knew they weren't gone completely , it would be foolish to think they were, but there was something calming about knowing that Zack trusted him. He had feared they would never have that again, but the soldier knew about this secret and had accepted it. The cadet still felt guilty for doing it, but there were so many things he wasn't ready to talk about yet, still so much he couldn't say. Not until he knew it was safe, really safe for him to open his heart, to let someone in.

He dried and dressed quickly putting on a pair of combat trousers and his ShinRa issue t-shirt. The material of the top felt uncomfortable against his body and the memories it brought up made him shudder. It had only been on his body for a few seconds before it ended up as a crumpled head of fabric on the bedroom floor, a clean white t-shirt replacing it. Cloud looked down at the offending garment and walked away, unable to touch it, avoiding all the things it represented from that day.

He buried himself in a text book and began to work on one of the materia assignments he had been given. The subject wasn't hard, just a little more complicated than he had expected, and he found that the essay was actually fun to write. It also meant that he quickly lost track of time and was caught by surprise when he heard the front door opening and Zack calling out his name.

"Hey Spiky, you ready to go?"

Cloud looked up at the raven haired soldier and let a small smile grace his lips. Zack's eyes were shining brightly and he had a look of pure childhood excitement on his handsome face.

"What's in the bag?" Cloud asked hesitantly.

"What bag?"

"The one on your back" Cloud said, using his pen as a pointer to indicate the item in question.

"Oops busted. Ok it's a surprise so get moving" the soldier laughed already turning back towards the door.

Cloud grabbed his uniform shirt from the back of the chair and was just putting it on when Zack turned around and saw him.

"You don't need that, come on" the soldier urged.

Shrugging at the apparent rush Cloud tossed the item back on the chair and hurried to kick his boots on. They were out the door and heading towards the lifts at a rather fast pace and the cadet began to wonder what the excitement was all about.

"Zack?"

"Yea Spiky"

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise"

"You said that already"

"Well it's still true"

Cloud blinked at the soldier unsure what to say next. He couldn't help but notice the way Zack's grin grew wider and the way his eyes seemed to sparkle more as they moved through the compound.

"Come on" Zack said cheerfully, his stride increasing and forcing Cloud to almost jog to keep up.

They quickly made their way towards the main ShinRa building and Cloud felt the knots forming in his stomach. This was not a place where he should be.

"Don't look so worried. You're with me, no one will question it" Zack declared as if it were the simplest thing.

They made their way through the reception area easily, with Zack giving the staff on the desk a cheerful wave as he passed by, and entered the elevator in the lobby riding it up to one of the higher floors. Cloud wasn't sure which floor they stopped at because he was too busy looking out through the glass and hoping that the lift didn't fall, after all it was a long way down. Zack was still smiling like a kid at Christmas when they left the elevator and walked along an empty corridor.

"What are we doing here?" Cloud asked nervously

"It's a surprise" Zack repeated, his grin practically splitting his face in two.

They reached what appeared to be a small door and Cloud noted the maintenance sign above it. Before he could comment Zack had the access hatch open and was already climbing through the gap.

"Come on" the soldier coaxed turning to face him and extending a hand towards the blonde.

Cloud hesitated for a moment, looking at the offered hand and then up into the soldiers eyes. The eyes were still glowing with excitement but they were also tinged with something else now, a silent desperation to be trusted and Cloud couldn't deny him that. He nodded silently and took the hand, let the soldier help him just as he always did, somehow knowing that it was the right thing to do.

The artificial light changed to natural as he passed through the doorway and the suns warmth shone down upon him once more. It took the cadet a minute of looking around to see that they were now standing on the top of the ShinRa building looking down upon the compound and at the world as far as the eye could see.

"Oh Zack" Cloud breathed taking in the wondrous sight.

"Yea, I know" Zack sighed, his eyes not on the horizon but on the blonde in front of him.

Neither commented on the fact that the cadet's hand was still holding the soldier's as Cloud moved forward to look over the edge. The height was a little more than the blonde had anticipated and he felt his legs turn to jelly as the realisation hit. Cloud staggered back against Zack's toned chest, the soldier holding him tightly as his heart beat faster and his breath came in short sharp gasps. The blonde wasn't sure what was affecting him more, the thought of falling to his death or the feel of Zack holding him so close.

"You ok?" Zack asked his voice trying to sound light and casual, but not quite achieving it.

"Yes" Cloud breathed slowly pulling himself away, afraid of making things awkward.

"Do you like it?" Zack asked moving them both to sit down against a wall away from the edge.

"It's amazing" Cloud responded happily.

"A good surprise then?" Zack enquired digging through the bag to remove various food options and some drinks

"Perfect" Cloud agreed smiling brightly.

"You know you should do that more often."

"What?"

"Smile, it looks good on you."

The words were spoken softly and Cloud couldn't help but blush at the gentle tone the soldier had used to give the complement.

"How ... how did you find this place?" the cadet asked, deciding he needed to break the odd silence of the moment.

"I found it while hiding out one day. I still come here sometimes, but you can't tell Angeal."

"He doesn't know?"

"Uumm well he might, but if he does he pretends he doesn't and it suites us both fine."

"They why .."

"Because if he officially knows then he has to tell Seph where I am and bang, no more hiding place."

Cloud couldn't help but laugh at the idea of Zack hiding from the general, and Sephiroth storming around the building trying to find him, while Angeal pretended not to know anything. The image was almost comical and he had to swallow the mouthful of sandwich he was eating carefully so he didn't choke on it.

"So do you come here a lot then?" Cloud asked taking a drinks bottle and opening the lid.

"Yea, it's where I come when I need to clear my head, when I need to escape everything."

Cloud's shoulders suddenly went tense and hunched over, his head bowing down allowing blonde hair to fall forward covering his face. The faint smile which had graced his delicate features now slipped away, as he became engrossed in the lid of his drinks bottle.

Zack cringed as the atmosphere between them changed, as the tension began to build again, and an uncomfortable silence descended upon them. The soldier knew he had said too much, that if Angeal was here he would be glaring at him, but he hadn't meant to do it. As the minutes began to pass the deafening silence became too much for Zack, his heart beating frantically as he watched the cadet, the need to comment and correct this mistake tearing him up inside. Before the soldier could say anything Cloud spoke, his voice just loud enough to hear, the words being said softly and hesitantly as he continued to examine the object in his hands.

"I thought you and Angeal agreed not to discuss this with me."

"Yea, well the thing is I don't always do as I'm told, you can ask Angeal he's always saying ..."

Zack's words trailed off as his mind finally caught on to what Cloud had said.

"Hey, wait a minute" the soldier cried, turning to face the cadet completely. "How did you know that?"

Cloud looked up now, but instead of facing the soldier he turned towards the horizon.

"I heard you" he admitted softly.

"When? How? I mean you were gone and ..."

"I was there. I came back and heard you talking."

"What else did you hear?" Zack asked cautiously, but still trying to keep the tone light.

"I don't want to be a Turk, but thank Angeal for the compliment."

"I knew it" Zack cheered triumphantly. "Soldier right, like me, that's still your dream isn't it."

Cloud turned to face him now and the look on the cadet's face was nervous, hesitant but also happy.

"Thank you for trusting me" Cloud whispered, briefly meeting the soldier's eyes.

"I want you to be open with me, ok?" Zack said, taking the opportunity now that it was available.

"I can't ... I don't know .." Cloud began shakily before he was cut off.

"I'm not saying I need to know everything right now" Zack quickly interrupted. "But when you're ready?" he continued his voice softer now.

Cloud hesitated for a moment, his fears and worries clearly showing in his eyes, and then silently nodded.

"Oh, this is for you by the way" Zack said taking the new key card from his pocket.

"But don't you need it" Cloud asked blinking in confusion.

"Nope, got my own. This one is yours."

"Mine?" Cloud breathed taking the slim piece of plastic in his hand.

"Yep. You are now officially my new roomy" Zack declared grinning wildly.

"Thank you" Cloud murmured softly.

They ate the rest of their lunch in silence, but for once it wasn't awkward, and both enjoyed the company as well as the food they shared.


	10. Chapter 10: I'm damaged

**Music has always inspired me and reflected my emotions or feelings in some way. It was therefore a wonderful surprise when I came across this song and found it fit Cloud's character in this story perfectly.**

**The song is titled 'Damaged' by Plumb (if you have it then listen to it while reading this and you will see what I mean). I hope you guys don't mind me using it, but it forms the basis for this chapter and plays a key role in Zack and Cloud's relationship. **

**Please review to let me know what you think.**

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**I'm damaged**

Zack had been sleeping peacefully, his dreams filled with pleasant images for once and not the worries which had begun to plague his nights. Even in this deep slumber he smiled brightly, the memories of a cheerful blonde eating beside him filling him with more joy than should be possible. It was a shock to his system when he was suddenly woken in the dark room, soldier instincts kicking in, and his body becoming poised ready for attack. Enhanced vision quickly travelled the surrounding area, as his foggy mind began to processes the familiar settings of the apartment bedroom. His sleep filled eyes were just completing a pass of the area next to his bed when he spotted the ghost like figure standing beside him.

"Damn it Cloud" he gasped jumping at the shock.

The soldier mentally scolded himself for not noticing the cadet sooner, especially with him being so close. Zack looked back up at the pale form beside him and noted how the blonde was dressed in both a white t-shirt and white shorts. The overall look was actually unnerving to the soldier, as the cadet's light hair and crystal blue eyes only added to the haunting image before him.

"Is something wrong?" Zack asked, finally able to find his voice again.

Cloud seemed to think about it for a minute, and then nodded his head gently.

"What's wrong?"

The soldier was now very much alert and sitting up in the bed, all traces of sleep wiped away. Cloud didn't respond, not verbally anyway, instead he raised his hand and opened it offering something to the soldier. Zack looked down at the device in the cadets hands and recognised it as his music player.

"You want to borrow it?" He asked a little confused.

Cloud shook his head and once again moved his hand towards the soldier, indicating that he wanted Zack to take it.

"You're returning it? He asked hesitantly.

Cloud shook his head, firmer this time, but still did not speak. Zack looked into the cadet's eyes and tried to understand what the blonde wanted. It would be easier if Cloud would actually speak to him, they were talking again after all, but there was something about the way Cloud held himself. The soldier quickly realised that the blonde was trembling slightly, his blue eyes revealing that he was fighting with something inside himself. He silently wished that the cadet would talk to him instead of keeping it all trapped inside, but he knew that would take time, that the blonde wasn't ready to open up yet.

Zack sighed softly as he took in the pleading look in Cloud's eyes. He had to focus. If this was something Cloud couldn't say, but needed him to understand, then it must be important. He took a moment to look at the device offered to him and then back up into the cadet's eyes, eyes which were bright and shiny as they swam with emotion. Zack knew the cadet was close to crying, could see the tears gathering around those beautiful glowing spheres, and he could sense the blonde's need for him to understand.

"You want me to listen to something?" he guessed cautiously.

Cloud nodded and Zack could actually see the cadet relax a little before the device was silently offered to him again. He took the item carefully and looked at the display. It only took him a moment to see a preselected song displayed, the music simply waiting for him to press play. It was not a song he recognised.

"You added this?" he asked carefully.

Cloud nodded hesitantly, his eyes taking on a nervous look. Zack watched as the blonde shifted on his feet, obviously unsure whether to stay or go now that he had achieved his goal.

"You want to stay?" the soldier offered gently.

Cloud hesitated, his eyes clearing showing the unease and uncertainty he felt. Zack scooted back on the mattress and pulled the covers back slightly offering the cadet a space in the warm bed.

"Come on, it's cold out there" he said, trying to keep his voice casual and light as he spoke.

Cloud cautiously moved forward and laid himself on the bed. He curled up on his side in the warm material as Zack brought the blankets back down to wrap around both of them. The soldier fidgeted slightly putting the ear phones in place and adjusting his body to lie back on the soft surface. He positioned himself on his side, so that his chest was facing the cadet's back, and looped an arm up under his pillow to support his head.

While he desperately wanted to reach out and wrap his other arm around the blonde he didn't. Instead he rested the limb against his own hip reminding himself it was still too soon, that Cloud's presence here and now was more than he could have hoped for. He let his head rest comfortable against the pillow and pressed play on the small device. A small thought tugged at his mind, considering where, when and how Cloud had managed to even do this, but he quickly let it go as the music began to play.

_**Dreaming comes so easily,**_

_**Cause it's all that I know.**_

_**True love is a fairytale,**_

_**I'm damaged, so how would I know.**_

_**I'm scared, and I'm alone.**_

_**I'm ashamed and I need for you to know.**_

The words were both beautifully sung and hauntingly sad as the soldier let them fill his head. He closed his eyes tightly trying to hide the emotion that accompanied them, knowing they were the word's Cloud himself couldn't say.

_**I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say.**_

_**And you can't take back, what you've taken away.**_

_**Cause I feel you, I feel you near me.**_

_**I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say.**_

_**And you can't take back, what you've taken away.**_

_**Cause I feel you, I feel you near me.**_

Silent tears began to make their own way down Zack's face and he forced himself to remain still, to not reach out and draw the cadet closer to him.

_**Healing comes so painfully,**_

_**And it chills, to the bone.**_

_**Won't let anyone get close to me,**_

_**I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know.**_

_**I'm scared, and I'm alone.**_

_**I'm ashamed and I need for you to know.**_

Zack couldn't stop himself now, his body acting of its own accord, as his arms instinctively reached out around Cloud's body pulling the cadet into a tight embrace.

_**I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say.**_

_**And you can't take back, what you've taken away.**_

_**Cause I feel you, I feel you near me.**_

_**I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say.**_

_**And you can't take back, what you've taken away.**_

_**Cause I feel you, I feel you near me.**_

The next verse was lost to Zack as his mind raced, as he fought the tears which continued to fall from his eyes, as he held the blonde tighter against him. He could feel Cloud's body trembling against him, could feel the cadet's own tears as they fell on the bare skin of his arm, and knew that Cloud was now pressing himself as close to Zack's chest as he could.

_**I can't go back ... can't go back ... can't go back ...**_

_**I must go on ... I must go on ... I must go on ...**_

The final words of the song were the most chilling, as they repeated to the steady rhythm of the music, until that too faded away into silence. Zack remained quiet and unmoving for a few minutes, trying to decide what would be the right thing to say or do.

While he considered his options Cloud also remained still in his arms, his back still pressed tightly against Zack's body, the soldier still holding him close. The cadet was scared now, unsure of what to do next. He had not expected such a strong reaction from the soldier, had only wanted Zack to understand, hadn't imagined that the song would have such a powerful effect on them both. He had held his own tears in place until Zack's strong arms had pulled him back, had drawn him into the protective circle of his own body, and Cloud had felt the soldier's tears as they fell against his neck.

"You're not damaged and you're not alone" Zack whispered against Cloud's ear, afraid that anything louder would be a mistake. "I know you're scared, but it's ok because everyone gets scared, and you have nothing to be ashamed about Cloud, nothing at all." He paused briefly, taking a deep breath. "I know you're hurting, but if you let me in then I will help you. I promise."

He felt Cloud tremble against him, heard the soft whimpers from the blonde in his arms, understood what it meant for the cadet to open himself up like this. Finding strength in Cloud's first step at reaching out, Zack decided it was time he took a first step as well. He drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, before speaking the words he needed to say.

"If love is a fairytale then this is our story because I love you Cloud, I always have and I always will."

"I love you too" Cloud managed, his voice so soft that even Zack's enhanced hearing barely heard it.

Cloud felt soft lips against his cheek for the briefest of moments, as Zack placed a gentle kiss on his damp skin. It was a light caress on his face, a chaste kiss filled with unspoken love and affection, it was exactly what Cloud needed.

The cadet settled himself against the soldier's body, letting strong arms embrace him tightly, as he began to drift to sleep.

"I'm loved" the cadet informed the night, a small smile on his lips, as sleep carried him away.

"Yes, you are" Zack reassured the now slumbering blonde in his arms.

A few minutes later the soldier was also asleep, a heavy weight having been lifted from his chest.

Somewhere in the darkness a presence stirred restlessly watching as a small flame began to burn brightly once more. The light was beginning to steadily grow, a small fire forming at the centre, forcing the shadows to dance at its edges. The voice didn't like this, didn't like the light in its world. It wanted the blonde to hurt, wanted him scared and alone, wanted back the darkness which came with the cadet being damaged. It remained in the shadows watching and waiting as the cadet slept. It was not afraid of this light, it knew the truth. While light was a fleeting presence in this world, darkness was eternal.


	11. Chapter 11: Saying sorry

**Hopefully you are still reading and this chapter picks up straight after the last so I won't keep you waiting. (Short reminder to please review)**

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**Saying sorry**

Why were some words always harder to say than others, words like ... I love you. When did such simple, heartfelt words become so chokingly painful to express. Zack knew those words shouldn't be hard to say, but even though he had said them only hours before, they were now very hard to say again. It wasn't because he didn't believe them, that his feelings for the blonde had changed, but now they meant something more because Cloud had said them back. Or had he?

The soldiers mind locked onto that moment in time, focused on it intently and then for some unknown reason began to pull it apart. Zack watched almost helplessly as his mind tore into the blonde's declaration of love and made him begin to doubt it had even happened. He went back over every aspect of their interaction considering every look, sound and gesture the cadet had made. He played back his own confession of everything in his heart and the words he had heard Cloud murmur before falling asleep in his arms. At least he was sure he had. They had been a whisper in the air, so faint he had barely heard them and this was why he now doubted they had even existed.

The soldier felt heartache as his mind toyed with the idea that maybe the words hadn't really been spoken, that maybe he had imagined hearing them. Had they really been said, or had is screwed up head created the words he wanted to hear so desperately. But if Cloud had said them, wouldn't he have said them louder, wouldn't he have wanted the soldier to hear them being spoken? Maybe Cloud was just too afraid to speak them as confidently as Zack did, but did that mean he wasn't confident in his feelings or that he didn't feel the same way and was just saying them back for the soldier's benefit.

Zack felt his head begin to throb at the barrage of thoughts and worries which seemed to come rushing in and raised his fingers up to massage his temples. He groaned softly knowing that right now he was his own worst enemy. Why couldn't he just accept that Cloud loved him and that this was a good thing? He knew why though, knew the reason why he doubted those words. Cloud was still healing, his emotions were unstable right now, and that left so much room for doubt.

A sudden movement caused him to look up and see Cloud standing in the doorway of his bedroom staring at him in shock. The soldier knew he had been caught by surprise by the blonde, knew that his eyes were too wide, knew his face was too exposed. He quickly swallowed it all down, pushed it all way and smiled at the cadet.

"Morning" he squeaked, ruining the image instantly, then coughed to try again "Morning."

Cloud wasn't convinced and continued to look worried, his small smile fading and blue eyes becoming cautious.

"Sleep ok?" Zack asked quickly rising from the chair and carrying his empty cup to the kitchen, he needed more coffee and he needed it now.

"Zack?" Cloud's voice asked softly, hesitantly.

"Yea" he replied without turning round, his hand shaking as he tried to pour the black liquid into the right place.

"Did ... did I ..." Cloud's words trailed off as a voice whispered to him that he didn't need to ask, that of course he had done something wrong. "I slept well" he quickly corrected himself before Zack could say anything

"Sure Spiky, that's good" Zack said absentmindedly. "What do you fancy for breakfast?"

Cloud watched as the soldier's guard went back up, as the tension began to form between them again, just like it had been before. He felt the weight of the world piling on top of him, his breathing becoming harder as the panicking started and he heard voice's screaming within him. They cried out at him and at each other, one yelling at him to walk away, the other shouting for him to hold Zack tight. His body began to shake as the soldiers back remained towards him, as Zack continued to add sugar and milk to his stupid drink, and he felt his legs go weak. Cloud sank to the floor holding his head as the world swam in colours, the sound of his heart pounding in his ears, and as waves of nausea swept through him.

Zack heard the soft thud of something falling and looked round to see Cloud on his knees leaning against the cabinet. The blonde had gone pale one hand holding his chest, the other holding his head, as he swayed in his sitting position.

"Cloud?" Zack gasped falling to his knees beside the cadet, catching the blonde's body as it began to slump forward.

"Zack?" Cloud gasped unable to catch his breath, reaching out blindly for the soldier.

"I'm here, I'm here" Zack repeated pulling him close and running a hand through blonde spikes "Ssshhhh its ok, I'm here" he soothed rocking them both gently.

"I ... I can't ... breath" Cloud gasped the panic rising further.

"Yes you can, you just need to focus."

The soldier quickly adjusted himself so that he was propped against the cabinets and shifted Cloud's body to sit between his outstretched legs and lie back against his chest.

"Feel me breathe Cloud, focus on the rise and fall of my chest, try to copy it" Zack told the cadet as he wrapped protective arms around the blonde pulling him closer.

The room was silent except for the sound of Cloud's desperate breaths and Zack's emphasised controlled ones. Eventually the blonde's body began to function again and his chest started to match the rise and fall of Zack's. It didn't take long before they both drew air in together and let it out as a single breath. Zack waited for the cadet to calm more before he spoke, waited for the violent shaking to ease into a slight tremble.

"You ok?" he asked cautiously.

"No" Cloud choked back shaking his head violently against the soldier's chest.

"Hey, take it easy" Zack quickly said, pulling Cloud close and beginning to run his hand through the cadet's hair again.

"I'm sorry" Cloud cried making Zack jump.

"Why? What for?"

"I shouldn't have... I should have ... I ..." Cloud stammered trying to work out what to say.

"You don't even know what you're apologising for, do you?" Zack asked sadly.

The realisation made Cloud tense up even more and he began to whimper curling up in on himself even as Zack held him gently.

"Cloud I'm not cross with you and you've done nothing wrong, so stop apologising."

A louder whimper acknowledged Zack's words, but showed they were not accepted.

"Damn it Cloud if anyone should be sorry it's me. I let my feelings for you distract me and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have grabbed you the way I did last night. I put pressure on you to feel things you ... that you might not have felt before. I didn't mean to do that."

Cloud's head came up now and he twisted round in Zack's arms so they were face to face, their noses almost touching. Zack took in the confused eyes and tear stained cheeks of the cadet in front of him and tried to smile reassuringly. He fought against the desire to lean forward and kiss Cloud, to taste his lips and feel if they were as soft as they looked.

"Are you sorry that you have feelings for me?" Cloud asked his voice barely a whisper, the need to know burning brightly in his eyes.

"Huh?" Zack responded confused

"You said you loved me, or didn't you mean it?" Cloud breathed, the sadness in his heart so evident on his delicate face.

Zack gave in then, shut his mind behind the biggest damn door he could and let his body take over. He lent forward and claimed the cadet's lips with his own and Gaia they were even softer than he had imagined. He kept some control, knowing to push too far was wrong, that right now Cloud was vulnerable, but Shiva help him he wanted this. He broke away from the kiss while it was still just lips against lips, drawing himself back away from temptation like a drowning man turning away from water. There was no need to go past this stage no reason to...

His thoughts were cut off as Cloud's lips were on his once more, this time with the cadet initiating the display of affection and Zack let himself become immersed in the feel of those delicately soft lips again. His arms wound round the blonde's fragile body and pulled him in closer forcing their kiss to become more than chaste. It was Cloud's tongue which caressed his lips seeking entrance first, which moved to take this experience further and Zack opened up willingly.

Cloud's inexperience was obvious, his hesitation and indecision showing he was now lost as to what he should do. Zack marvelled at the cadet's courage for taking this first step and quickly took control of the kiss to save him any embarrassment. He let his tongue explore the inside of Cloud's mouth caressing teasing and touching until a small moan could be heard rising from within the blonde's throat. Then and only then did he pull away and let them both breath in the desperately needed air.

"I love you Cloud, you and only you. There is no doubt and no mistake in how I feel about you" he told the blonde staring him straight in the eyes.

"Then why? Why were you so ... why did you turn away ... why?" Cloud couldn't find the words, didn't know which questions to ask first or how to ask them, but it all boiled down to that one word, why?

"You mean why did I act so cold just now?" Zack asked, his own voice expressing the pain his actions had caused them both.

"Yes"

"I was afraid"

"Of what?"

"Of us being an us, of you not being ready for this thing between us, of you ... not really wanting there to be an us"

"I am ready, I want this" Cloud protested quickly

"Do you? Do you really know how you feel or are you just reaching out for a friend and I'm taking advantage of that? Taking advantage of you and making you feel things you don't really feel?"

Cloud suddenly pushed away from the embrace and stood staring down at the soldier, his eyes narrowing into thin slits, his innocent face contorting in pain filled rage. There was anger within the blonde now, a burning fury which threatened everything Zack had achieved, and the soldier knew it was focused on him.

"You wanted honesty and now you question it" the cadet spat with a deathly calm tone.

Before Zack could say anything Cloud was gone, a blur of movement in the apartment and then a door slammed shut. It took Zack a minute to realise what a horrible mistake he had just made and another minute to realise that the door slamming had been the front door, which meant Cloud was really gone.

"Shit" he swore loudly before throwing himself out the apartment and after the cadet.


	12. Chapter 12: Making mistakes

**Again this chapter moves straight on from the last and I'm sorry but it's all going down-hill very quickly for the pair. We also meet Reno in this one so watch out for him in future chapters.**

**If you haven't reviewed yet, please do.**

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**Making mistakes**

Why? Why had he done it? Why had he let himself be exposed like that?

Cloud knew why, knew it was because Zack had asked him to open up, had reassured him it would be ok. But it wasn't ok, it had been anything but ok and now the pain was worse. Cloud bit back the tears which burned his eyes, not wanting to let the world see the weakness their presence portrayed. Anger burned a hole so deep within him it felt as if his heart had been consumed within the inferno, his chest seizing up at the searing pain which the heat caused as it tore through him. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't function beyond the need to get away.

The cadet didn't even know where he was anymore as his feet carried him on auto pilot through the compound away from everyone and towards the safety of the shadows. There were places he knew of, secret corners where he could disappear, a few small sanctuaries of darkness to hide within in this horrible world. Cloud bit back the sob which filled his throat and turned it into rage, added it to the fire and let the extra fuel power his movements.

Hate blossomed within him now and it was so much stronger than he had ever felt before. He had hated this place, hated the people who hurt him, hated the weakness within himself. Zack's care had dampened that emotion, given it some peace in his aching soul, but now that hate was alive once more and it had only one target. The cadet felt his insides go cold, the white hot fire having destroyed everything and leaving his body hollow for ice to fill the void. He closed his mind off to the soldier, the man who was supposed to be his friend, the man who had only hours ago confessed love for him. The blonde's body shook as the knowledge settled in his mind, as he realised that this wasn't what love was about. Cloud didn't know much about love, but he knew this was not how it was supposed to feel. Love was about caring for and protecting a person, about giving your heart and soul, not weakening them with promises and then tearing them apart.

If Zack really loved him then he wouldn't doubt what they had, wouldn't have questioned Cloud's feelings, wouldn't have asked him to open up and then be suspicious of everything he had ... confessed.

Cloud nearly choked on the air as it entered his body in a sudden gasping breath. Oh Gaia, he had confessed to loving the soldier, had taken comfort in the man's arms, but now he was alone again and even more exposed than he had been before.

The cadet was so caught up in his own silently venting despair that he didn't notice the Turks walking towards him. He didn't move aside or even pause as he stormed right through them, knocking both out of his way as he pushed past.

"HEY!" the red head shouted after him "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Cloud stopped then, his body responding to the voice, joyfully finding a target to vent this suffocating rage upon. He turned and levelled seething blue orbs on angry green and a cruel smile twisted at the corners of his mouth.

"Reno leave it" the blonde haired women beside him said, her hand on the man's arm to keep him by her side.

"No it ain't Elaina, the runt needs to learn respect"

"Respect, you're a Turk, you don't deserve respect" Cloud taunted, his voice cruel and unusual even to himself.

"Why you ..." Reno said through gritted teeth, pulling at Elaina's grip

"You are clearly upset about something cadet, so I will let that one go, but do not question us like that again" the blonde Turk warned, her voice tight and controlled.

Cloud saw it then, knew the weakness of the pair lay within the red head and he couldn't wait to unleash the furry which was held within that man. He could see it co clearly, the tension in the Turk's body, the need to destroy burning in his eyes. The cadet needed that as well, need to have someone to fight against, someone to make suffer and make his pain physical in return.

"Gonna let a girl fight for you" the blonde asked, his voice full of bitter arrogant amusement.

Reno was on him in a second, Elaina's grip easily escaped, and Cloud welcomed the fight with open arms. He tried to fight back and let the darkness guide him as fists flew, but it was no surprise that he didn't stand a chance. Turks were famous for what they did, they were both feared and revered for their skill and right now the cadet was at this one's mercy. He dodged a couple of blows, but as soon as one made contact he knew he had lost. The pain shot through his chest forcing air from his lungs and he welcomed the stabbing ache he brought. Another blow to his side ripped a cry from his throat as he felt ribs crack within him, but again he welcomed the scorching pain that came with it. Several blow's more and a well placed kick to his legs had the blonde on the floor in moments, the world swimming in beautiful colours as his body screamed in agony, the taste of blood filling his mouth.

"Reno stop!" a distant voice shouted and Cloud blinked slowly at the sound.

He didn't want the Turk to stop, he wanted the red head to finish what he had started, wanted the man to do what Cloud himself had been unable to do that day in the shower. He tried to speak then, tried to force another insult from his lips, but instead only ended up choking on his own blood. The coughing brought waves of pain to his chest and the blonde smiled as the darkness moved forward obscuring the edges of his world. Such sweet darkness, how he had missed it.

"Zack, what the hell man" Reno shouted at the soldier, as he was roughly pulled away from the cadet at his feet.

"Cloud! Cloud can you hear me?"

Reno blinked for a second observing the scene as it unfolded, watching as his friend began to crack in front of him, the soldier frantically calling out to the cadet and trying to get a response from the semiconscious blonde. This was not the Zack he knew, not the fun loving soldier who he went out drinking with, the smiling joyful man who always got into trouble with him.

"Zack?" he asked again, confused and worried by the soldier's state.

"What did you do?" Zack's words were strained and laced with pain, and Reno actually felt his heart clench at the sight.

"The grunt was ... he was .." the Turk babbled unable to find the words.

"The cadet was disrespectful and challenged Reno to a fight, it is not completely Reno's fault" Elaina cut in evenly.

Zack eyes flew up to hers and then back down to the cadets once again trying to get a response from the blonde

"Cloud?" he all but begged for the cadet to respond. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have doubted you like that."

"Cloud, that's Cloud" Reno gasped, the realisation of who the cadet was suddenly hitting him. "Shit Zack, I didn't know"

His eyes fell back down to the broken and bleeding figure at his feet and guilt swam through him. It wasn't an emotion he was used too, one a Turk couldn't afford the luxury of having, and it hurt.

"I swear if I had known I wouldn't have done it, but the kid gave me attitude and was asking for a fight."

"He's upset" Zack growled in defence of the blonde.

"Maybe, but he did antagonise Reno" Elaina pointed out calmly.

"He wanted you to hurt him" Zack choked, the understanding of what had happened finally hitting home and hitting hard.

Cloud began to laugh now, his disorientated mind only vaguely able to understand the words Zack spoken, but knowing they were so very true. He did want pain, he wanted something he could see and touch and feel on his body, something to explain why he didn't want to breath anymore. The sound became almost hysterical and three pairs of eyes look down at him in fear.

It was Elaina who moved first, reaching forward and applying pressure to the cadet's neck. A second later the blonde slumped unconscious on the floor and the heart-stopping sound ceased, leaving a ghostly silence around them.

"What did you do?" Zack asked, his panicked state overriding his ability to think rationally.

"I merely applied pressure in the right place to render him unconscious."

"We should get him to the infirmary" Reno suggested, already aware that the damage he had caused would need medical treatment.

Cloud drifted peacefully now, an empty vessel floating on a black sea, the dark waves lapping against him gently rocking his damaged soul. He wanted to be in this place now, safe within the shadows of his own mind, the world he had created giving him peace and comfort once more. A presence made itself known and the cadet welcomed it, embraced it like a long lost friend, holding it tight to his chest.

"I'm sorry" the cadet breathed softly to the void and smiled when he felt it embrace him back.

This was their world, a place which they had created together, and it was beautiful. He knew that the voice had no body, no way to see as he did, but he knew that they shared the pleasure of this sight together. Cloud let himself go then, gave himself over to the hollow depths of his soul and together they watched as the light within him faded until only a faint glowing ember remained.

Cloud closed his eyes and let the presence console him, let it hold him close and sooth the hurt away, allowing all that he had become in Zack's care to be erased. The darkness smiled as the cadet slipped into a dreamless sleep in its arms and watched as the spark of hope began to die in the ashes of the blonde's heart.


	13. Chapter 13: Darkness within

**I wanted to move this story along a bit and get Angeal and Reno more involved in Cloud and Zack's lives. As a result I have ended up creating four smaller chapters. **

**Zack's character is going to fluctuate a bit, but I think the feel of the story is still there. As always, please let me know what you think.**

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**Darkness within**

"I have to see him" the solider demanded, his angry tone falling on deaf ears.

"No Zack, he is not to have any visitors."

"But I have to Angeal, you don't understand."

"Understand what?"

"It's my fault that he did this ... that this happened."

"How is him getting beaten by Reno your fault."

"Because I ... I ... Oh God Angeal, it's all my fault" the soldier whimpered as he slumped into the office chair and buried his face in the palms of his hands.

The commander took in the pitiful form of the man he knew and sighed heavily. He knew something had happened between the pair, even knew it was something bad based on the way Cloud had reacted and started a fight with a Turk, but he had never imagined it was this bad.

"What did you do puppy?" he asked as gently as he could.

"I asked him to open up, to talk to me."

Angeal blinked in confusion, surely this was a good thing, wasn't that a sign of progress in someone's healing.

"Did he, open up to you I mean?"

"Yes" Zack choked.

"Then what could he have said that caused you both to argue?"

"We didn't argue" Zack responded quickly, too quickly in Angeal's opinion.

"Then what happened?"

"I ... I doubted his feelings ... for me" the soldier whispered his face still hidden by hands and spikes of black hair.

"Oh Zack" Angeal breathed, slumping into a chair beside the soldier "Tell me what happened, I need to know everything."

They spent the next twenty minutes going over the event's, Zack trying to be as honest as he could without telling all, and Angeal digging until he knew everything.

"I see" was Angeal's response once all the facts had been absorbed and digested. "You understand that this changes things"

"What?" Zack croaked his head snapping up to meet the commander's eyes.

"It will be hard for you both to live together now."

"What? Why?" the soldier stammered.

"Zack" Angeal scolded gently "You asked him to be honest and then ignored what he confessed to you. Your doubt has indeed done some damage."

"Oh god" Zack cried in despair, once again burying his face in his hands.

"Come now pup, we should be able to fix this ... somehow."

"How?" Zack almost begged.

"For a start you will need to move out of your apartment."

"What? Why?" the shocked reply almost screamed.

"He will not want to be around you at first and we cannot have him homeless" Angeal said shaking his head a little to clear the ringing in his ear.

"But ... but ..."

"He has no place in the barracks now and even if he did I do not feel it is safe for him there" Angeal pointed out sadly "You will stay with me for now, until things between you improve."

Zack was silent for a minute as he processed the idea and then sighing heavily nodded his head.

"When should I move some of my stuff over?"

"Soon, but I believe you have a couple of days still."

"Why? What's wrong with him? He should be healed by now."

"They have fixed the damage Reno did, but he is refusing to eat or take his medication. They will keep him there until he shows signs of improvement."

"Medication, why is he on medication?" Zack stammered, afraid of the answer that he knew was coming.

"Pup, don't pretend to be so naive. This is his second try, you're lucky they only want to medicate him and not send him to the ... special unit"

"Second try" Zack tried innocently, already knowing what Angeal meant by special unit.

"Zack" Angeal warned his voice getting stern.

"He got beaten up by Reno, it's not like he hurt himself."

"The fact he challenged a Turk is worry enough and I am not a fool, I know that what happened before was no accident. I am not angry at you for trying to protect him, but even you must admit there is a serious problem here."

"I tried to protect him, tried to make him better, but it's all gone wrong" Zack admitted, his whole body slumping forward.

"We will protect him as best as we can. The fact these incidents have been explainable in other ways is he only saving grace at the moment, but if it happens again ..." Angeal's words trailed off as they both considered what another incident would mean for the cadet.

"How long before ... If he doesn't eat ... how long before ..."

"Before they transfer him?" Angeal finished the question sadly.

"Yea"

"A couple of day's maybe three. He has gained some weight in your care, which is a good sign, but it is not enough. If he continues to refuse, they will be forced to act."

"I need to talk to him, to explain."

"I fear that may do more harm than good at this point pup."

"Then can you do it, can you tell him ... warn him ... please Angeal, he won't survive if ..." Zack's words trailed off as the unshed tears began to choke his throat.

"I will do my best" the commander said laying a protective arm over the soldier's shoulders and pulling him into a reassuring embrace.

He held Zack's trembling form until it calmed, until his phone rang and he was forced to leave the soldier, until their duties pulled them apart.

Cloud woke in a familiar place, his senses hit by familiar sights and smells. The stench of antiseptic filled the air and the harsh lights which shone down on him to brightly in the plain white room. The empty chair beside his bed should have created some reaction within him, he knew that much. He wasn't sure if he should have felt sadness that it was empty or joy that the soldier was not here, but instead he felt nothing.

A strange eerie smile ghosted across the blonde's lips as he took comfort in the fact he was alone. The plate of food they had given him still remained at his bedside, the meal having gone cold hours ago, remaining untouched and unwanted by the cadet. There were also the pills, the small hard lumps which they wanted him to take, which would make him feel better. But Cloud didn't need pills to make him feel happy, he was perfectly fine as he was. Why didn't they understand that there was no need for the pills, that he wasn't feeling bad, because in fact he felt nothing at all.


	14. Chapter 14: Misdirection and lies

**Still reading? Good :o)**

**Cloud's losing it and Zack's being a bit stalker-ish, but it's only because he cares.**

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**Misdirection and lies**

It took a couple of days but Cloud quickly understood what was happening, began to understand what would happen if it didn't do as the doctors wanted, and he hated it. They were giving him no choice in this, denying him what he wanted in favour of their own ideas and opinions. Angeal had been to visit that morning, had come to check on his progress. It had been a short stay with very little being said between them. The commander had conveyed information about general activities in the compound, not mentioning the raven haired soldier at all, and then explained that it was in the cadet's best interest to do as the medical staff instructed. Cloud had remained silent throughout, having neither the desire to talk to the soldier or the heart to care about any of it. What he did take from the commander's visit was that he would never achieve in ShinRa if he stayed in the hospital, like this.

The nurse was almost hysterically happy when he began to eat his first meal, her babbling voice going on about how encouraging the commander's words must have been to get him to eat. Cloud had remained silent continuing to fill his mouth with small amounts of food so he wouldn't have to keep up a conversation with her. She had left in an excited hurry to inform the doctor of his 'progress' and of course the doctor had come running to see for himself. Mild irritation had formed within the cadet as more staff flocked past to witness the simple act, the preying eyes making him feel like an animal at feeding time at the zoo.

He didn't eat a lot, his stomach hurting as it tried to process the items being given to it. It was the medication which the blonde found to be the hardest things to swallow, the small hard lumps nearly choking him, but he knew it had to be done. He understood now that to move on and leave this sterilised demoralising pit he had to pretend to get 'better'. The cadet laughed bitterly to himself at the idea, better was so far from where he was right now, he was honestly feeling just fucking peachy.

Three days later, and many lectures from the doctor, and the blonde once more found himself being escorted by Angeal towards the soldier's apartment. He didn't want to go there, didn't want to be anywhere near the raven haired man, but he had no choice.

"Zack has temporarily moved out so that you have some space to yourself" Angeal informed him as they walked.

Cloud took in the small piece of knowledge and remained silent. His hands were tucked safely within the pockets of his jacket and he unconsciously played with the bottle of pills there, running his fingers across the lid.

"I am sure he would like to speak with you, when you are ready."

Many thoughts surged through Cloud's mind at this comment, but he bit them back knowing was no need to voice his current feelings for the soldier, especially to the commander. They reached the apartment door without further discussion. It was only as Cloud opened the door and began to move forward that Angeal spoke again.

"I will be watching over you until you are ready to return to duties. I will follow Zack's training program with you so be ready at these times. I will also be checking you medication, so do not consider ignoring it."

Cloud nodded once in understanding, not that he had a choice in the matter, and their eyes meet for a brief second before he closed the door disappearing from view.

The commander stepped back from the door his face a little paler than normal, his heart racing a little faster. Angeal wasn't sure why exactly, but he knew that he was suddenly feeling fear. It was not a fear for himself, but for the cadet who had just shut him out. Their eyes had only met for a second, the briefest of connections, yet it had been enough for Angeal to see. There was darkness within the depths of the cadet's blue eyes, a shadow of something lurking within a raging fire of hate and anger. He wasn't sure if he preferred the closed off version of the young man now, wondered if it was not better to have a withdrawn and unsure boy, instead of the monster which seemed to be growing. He turned and left quickly intending to find Zack and check on the soldier's current state, which was also fluctuating dangerously at the moment.

Inside the apartment Cloud stood and listened to the silence around him. So here he was alone once more, alone in a soldier's apartment, in a place where he had no right to be. He smiled then, but it wasn't a pleasant expression. The angelic face became twisted as his delicate lips curved up to form a sneer of a smile. So what if he wasn't welcome back in the barracks, so what if the soldier had abandoned him, so what if he had no one to go to anymore. He didn't need them, didn't need their help or their pity, didn't want the false comfort they might give. He took the bottle of pills from his pocket and inspected the label once more. The instructions were clear about dosage and times to be taken, but Cloud didn't really care.

"I'll check your medication" he mocked the empty room, his voice a poor imitation of the commanders. "Don't ignore it"

"I can't fucking ignore it can I?" he shouted at the emptiness, his hand squeezing the container hard.

'Then eat them all' a gentle voice whispered within him.

Cloud's body became a statue, frozen to the spot by the sound of the voice.

"No" he breathed silently.

'Why?' the voice asked innocently.

"I ... I don't want to."

'It will ease the pain', the voice soothed sweetly.

"I ..."

'Will take away your troubles.'

"... I ..."

'Will bring you closer to me.'

Cloud gasped falling to his knees, his heart slamming against the walls of his chest in panic.

The darkness was sure these words would bring the blonde comfort, would be the thing to convince him. They had been so close before, when the cadet had come back to the void and reached out for the shadows, but now something was different. The blonde had strength in his soul again, it was small and still weak, but it was still there and the voice didn't like this. The rage and hatred had been fun to experience, to bath in as it had filled the blonde's spirit, but those annoying little pills had started to dampen it.

Something watched as the cadet struggled to his feet, as the pathetic blonde staggered to the window and threw it open. A presence watched in anticipation and wondered if the young man would jump instead of swallowing all those lovely little drugs. It would be messier, but so much quicker. It was therefore a great disappointment when the cadet threw the medication as far into he distance as he could, not caring where it went or where it landed, only calmed by the knowledge it was gone.

'Pity' the voice aired, as the blonde slumped to the floor beneath the window.

Cloud shock himself, wanting the voice gone from his head. He was breathing hard and his body trembled, the shock and fear eating away at his strength.

"I am not crazy" he told himself repeatedly, the mantra growing more desperate as he squeezed his eyes closed against the world.

A few minutes later he rose from the floor and closed the window before crossing over to the spare bedroom. He was tired, tired and ... hungry, but he wouldn't eat. Instead he fell onto the bed and curled up on his side, his body drained of everything. He didn't dream as he slept, didn't go to the darkness as he had done over the previous nights. Instead he merely let himself go.

When Cloud awoke there was pleasant smell drifting into the bedroom through the open doorway. The blonde rose to his feet and sleepily made his way into the living room where a freshly prepared meal waited for him on the dining table. Looking around the room Cloud found himself to be alone, the bearer of the meal having disappeared. A small growl from his stomach let the cadet know he was still hungry, however much he wanted to deny it, and so he moved towards the food steadily. It was only when he sat down that he noticed the small bottle beside the plate, the familiar item displaying his name clearly and the correct dosage already lying beside it waiting for him. He sighed in defeat picking up the small lumps before throwing them in his mouth and swallowing. He knew that it was pointless to argue, knew that whoever had done this would not let him give up.

"I'm not going to forgive you that easily" he spoke evenly to the empty room. He waited a moment to let the words sink in, so that the person who was watching and listening would understand, and then he began to eat.

Zack was silent as he observed the blonde through a small monitor in his hands and for a brief moment he wondered if the cadet knew about the small devices now hidden strategically in the apartment. He shook his head at the thought and dismissed it quickly, there was no way Cloud could be aware of the small camera and microphone which had been set up so Zack could watch over him from a distance.

The technology was ShinRa's finest the picture and sound coming through as clearly as if the soldier was standing in the room himself. Zack was not a fool and he knew he shouldn't have the equipment, but after Cloud's worrying behaviour he was even more grateful for the gift from Reno. Without it he wouldn't have seen Cloud break down the way he had, wouldn't have seen the terrifying incident at the window, wouldn't have been able to retrieve the medication before Angeal found out.

"Oh Spiky, I'm so sorry" he moaned softly, his finger tracing the image of the damaged blonde on the screen.

A second later and he turned the monitor off before tucking it away carefully out of sight. He didn't need to keep watching like this, it was only meant to be there so he could check on the cadet in emergencies. Zack quickly rose from his place and made his way back out of the apartment, he had duties to attend to and he was already late.


	15. Chapter 15: Meeting Reno

**The title speaks for itself.**

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**Meeting Reno**

It had only been a week since he had returned to the apartment and already Cloud was growing restless. The cadet knew he was a captive once more, the feeling of being restrained driving him silently mad. Angeal had come to collect him as promised, each time training with him and then returning him to this place, to this prison. Cloud looked out of the window and wanted freedom, wanted to feel the air on his skin, to taste the rain as it feel on him, wanted to run with the shadows.

He turned and threw the cushion he had been holding, sending it flying across the room to land back on the sofa with a loud thud. He'd had enough of waiting around, of being held by unseen forces, of being here. He moved towards the door and kicked his boots on, heading out the apartment before anyone could stop him, before Zack could catch him.

Oh yes he knew that the soldier watched him, that the meals came from him and the constant surveillance was his doing. He vented rage and punched the lift wall, the metal denting slightly, his knuckles bruising a lot. He didn't hesitate when the doors opened and he was let free, didn't pause to savour the sweet air until he was lost in the darkness. He regretted the lose t-shirt almost instantly, the cold night air gripping his muscles and biting down hard chilling his bones. He pushed past it though, threw away the pitiful wish for a coat and ran, let the movement of his arms and legs heat is body, let the anger burn to warm his soul.

Normally he would stay within the compound, content to run the grounds, but not tonight. On this dark night he wanted freedom, real freedom away from this place. Thanking someone for the fact he was wearing Black jeans and a dark green t-shirt he made his way towards the nearest escape route. He knew of so many weaknesses in their defences, considered he should probably tell someone about them, but had never worked out a way of explaining how he knew about them without getting into trouble. Tonight he was glad that they were his alone to know.

The nearest one was part of the field track where they ran laps for training, it was near a tree alongside the perimeter wall. The climb would be easy for Cloud, he was used to such exercises and his nimble body could handle most awkward situations, but it was the jump on the other side which could be a problem. He quickly made his way through the undergrowth towards his destination, his senses on high alert for patrol's, not wanting to be stopped now that he was so close. He was so focused on looking out for soldiers that he almost didn't notice the red haired Turk who stepped out in front of him.

Cloud froze, his whole body dropping into a defensive stance ready for attack. He had no weapons to draw on to defend himself, there was no way he could fight this man, no way he could escape if chased. The Turk remained unmoving staring at him from a few feet away, green eyes glowing in the darkness, white teeth slowly becoming visible in an amused smile. Cloud counted his heart beats as they frantically pounded in his chest, knew that he was panicking, and suddenly he stopped. He stopped being afraid, stopped fearing the red head, and rose to his feet defiantly.

"Hey kid" Reno said in way of greeting.

"Turk" Cloud replied evenly.

"Names Reno not Turk" he informed the blonde cheerfully.

"Reno" the cadet spat back, not giving up on his anger.

"Good, now that we got that sorted, how about we head back to your place" Reno continued ignoring the cadet's tone.

"No" Cloud replied flatly

"Come on kid, don't do anything stupid"

"Not a kid"

"Yea, but you're still gonna do something stupid, aren't you?"

Cloud glared at Reno, the anger bubbling within him being contained by will power alone. Who was this man to say what he was going to do or if it was foolish or not.

"I was out walking, there's nothing wrong with that."

"There is if it's past curfew and if you're gonna go over the wall."

Blonde eye brows raised in surprise and Reno knew he had been right, knew it was a good things that he had stopped the kid in time.

"Thought so" the Turk sighed loudly

"How do you know what I was going to do?" the cadet asked, his body going into defence

"Did myself as a ki.. cadet" Reno replied "But that's no excuse for you"

"So it's one rule for you and one for me, right?" the blonde asked viciously

"No. It's one for all you cadets and a hell of another for the Turk's"

Cloud didn't even bother to respond, what was the point, it was always this way. Instead he turned his back on the red head and began to make his way back towards the apartment. He knew Reno was still behind him, could feel the Turks presence, even though he didn't look back to check.

Reno watched as the cadet entered the building, made sure the lift went up to the correct floor, and then made his way to towards his own destination. He hesitated outside the apartment before knocking on the door and waited nervously for it to be answered.

"Hey" he greeted the man he had come to see.

"Reno?"

"You were right, kid tried to do a runner" the Turk sighed moving into the apartment.

"Shit" the soldier replied slumping into a chair.

"Zack man, you gotta talk to the kid."

"He's not a kid."

"Humph" Reno snorted, "that's what he said."

"How is he?"

"Seems pretty pissed about being stopped, or maybe he just isn't fond of me"

"You did nearly kill him."

"Yea, I should probably apologise for that" the Turk mused thoughtfully.

"So where is he know?"

"I followed him back here so he should be in the apartment."

Zack nodded and quickly retrieved the small monitor from its hiding place, turning it on so they could both check to make certain Cloud was safely where he should be. Sure enough the form of the blonde appeared on the screen as he paced the living room area restlessly.

"Oh Spiky" Zack sighed slumping back into the chair.

"Kid's got more energy then you."

"He keeps everything to himself, it's starting to break him."

"Then talk to him" Reno all but shouted.

"I ... I can't" the soldier stammered looking almost defeated.

"Why? The Turk demanded angrily.

"I ... I blew my chance Reno, I told him he could trust me and then I let him down."

"Zack man, you gotta talk to him. Even if it's just to say sorry" Reno groaned in frustration.

Zack looked up at the Turk and saw the serious look in the man's eyes. He was so used to seeing the red head in a carefree way, or happily drunk, but this change was not something he was prepared for.

"That the look you get when you're working?" he asked trying to change the subject.

"Nope, this is my serious 'friend talk' look and it's aimed at you, so stop avoiding the topic."

"Fine" Zack sighed "Just give me some time to work out what to say."

Reno looked at the soldier questioningly, as if doubting Zack's statement, before letting out a deep breath.

"Ok, but don't leave it too long. The kid's a ticking time bomb and if he blows it's gonna do some major damage."

"What do you mean?"

"Zack ..." Reno began unsure how to explain the next part without upsetting the soldier "I confronted him at the wall, he was gonna leave the compound."

"You said that already."

"Yea, but what I didn't say was that he wasn't afraid of me. The kid looked me straight in the face, even questioned me, but it was his eyes man. There was something dark those eyes of his."

"It was night, maybe it was the ...." Zack's words died off as Reno's expression showed it was more than that.

"Zack ... he's letting go ... letting something else fill him ... and it's growing."

"What do you mean? What's growing?"

"When I first meet him I saw it, saw a glint of something cruel in his eyes, thought it was arrogance. Then when I knew who he was I figured it was just his anger at whatever happened between you both, but now..."

"And now?" the soldier asked nervously.

"It's still there Zack and it's stronger now. If he doesn't control it or learn to let it go ..."

Reno's words were left hanging in the silent apartment, unable to finish what he thought, afraid to voice what might happen. Both men looked at the small monitor and watched as the blonde disappeared into the bedroom the door slamming shut behind him. The soldier and Turk sighed, as once again the cadet shut them out.


	16. Chapter 16: Turning point

**Hopefully you are still reading and enjoying the story. This is building up for something I promise. **

**If you haven't reviewed then please do, it's always nice to know what you guys think.**

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**Turning point**

Angeal had to admit that the cadet was good, maybe even better than good. They had been training for two weeks and already the blonde was performing better than he had imagined. Zack's tuition had clearly been benefiting Cloud's development and the boy was obviously a dedicated pupil to have already learnt so much in such a short space of time.

"Good" the commander voiced approvingly as Cloud defended himself with a strong block.

Cloud nodded and relaxed his position, moving back away from the commander, preparing for the next attack. Angeal shook his head at the blonde's silence and continued on with the lesson. Instead of attacking again he showed Cloud another defensive move with the training sword and allowed the cadet to practice this technique several times before they finished. He stood to one side and allowed Cloud to work through a series of moves, as part of a cooling down regime, and began to study the young man.

The cadet had gained a little weight and his skin looked less pale, if that was possible, and he had been taking the medication as directed. Angeal knew that Zack was monitoring these things, although he wasn't sure how the soldier was doing it, but he also wanted to keep an eye on the boy himself. The commander had not thought it possible to find a pupil as worthy of his time as Zack had been, but now he saw the potential in this boy and understood why the raven haired soldier had been so determined when it came to the blonde. He waited for Cloud to finish his set and put his weapon away, before approaching the cadet and speaking.

"You are a natural with the blade" he complimented evenly.

"Thank you sir" Cloud replied respectfully.

Angeal nodded silently in response. He relaxed in the knowledge that this had become their pattern, his praising comment's and the blonde's polite officially sounding answers. It had taken a couple of sessions for the cadet to even speak to him and the commander had been glad that Cloud felt comfortable enough to say even this much. It was so unlike his time training Zack, where the raven haired soldier had hardly stood still let alone remained silent for so long. In some ways the difference was calming, but in others it was also unnerving. Angeal didn't mind the quiet or respect the young cadet brought with him, but he was also unsettled by it.

"You may call me Angeal" he suddenly informed the cadet, deciding that perhaps the formality of their positions was causing the problem. The use of first names had certainly strengthened the bond between him and Zack, maybe it would have the same effect here.

"Thank you Sir, but that would be disrespectful, sir"

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you are Commander Hewley, Sir. I am just a grunt, Sir."

"Would you prefer it if I made it an order" the commander questioned gently, allowing the amusement of the idea show in his eyes.

Cloud blinked for a minute trying to work out what answer would be less dangerous. He was sure this was a trap of some kind, his senses screaming at him to be careful, but he just couldn't work out where the danger was.

"Sir?"

Angeal raised an eyebrow in a way which portrayed amusement and soft scolding at the same time and Cloud quickly made a decision.

"Angeal, Sir."

"Close enough" Angeal sighed.

They began to walk from the gym towards the apartments, the cool evening air drifting over them gently. Cloud closed his eyes as they moved and let the scent of the approaching night enter his body, sighing softly as it instantly soothed him, his feet never tripping or missing a step as he walked.

"Your awareness is quite advanced" Angeal's voice cut in making him jump slightly.

"I'm sorry sir?" Cloud stammered, his eyes flicking open and up towards the commander.

"I have told you it's Angeal and don't be sorry. Being able to sense your surroundings is a good skill to have, it took Zack months to develop it properly."

The commander couldn't help but notice the effect mentioning the soldier's name had on the cadet, the blonde flinching away from the sound as if being struck by an invisible force. He decided to carry on regardless, it was time they discussed the raven haired soldier, time they addressed the uncomfortable subject.

"He misses you. I'm not sure how much comfort that gives you, but it is the truth."

Cloud's short bitter laugh made the commander jump slightly and he looked down at the blonde questioningly.

"You find it amusing?"

"Can I speak honestly sir ... Angeal."

"You may."

"Zack doesn't know what he feels or what he wants" the cadet said without looking up from the path they were following.

"He regrets what happened between you. It has been causing him a lot of discomfort."

"Then why has he been avoiding me?"

"He is afraid he will upset you even more."

"So he'd rather watch me from a distance then actually speak to me." Cloud asked feeling the irritation rising within him.

"He is merely unsure how to approach you."

"But he's ok with everything else he does, so long as he doesn't have to speak to me."

"I assure you he only has your best interests at heart, whatever he does is done for you" Angeal replied feeling a little confused by the cadet's rising anger.

"Great. My own private stalker, isn't that sweet." He grumbled sarcastically, his tone hard and bitter.

Angeal stopped walking and looked at the cadet as if the blonde had just slapped him across the face "A what" he asked breathlessly.

"A stalker" Cloud repeated turning back to face the commander.

"Are you sure of this?"

"Oh please, like you didn't know. Food suddenly appearing in the apartment at meal times, my med's out ready for me to take, Reno stalking me at night, the bloody camera watching me all the fucking time."

Cloud suddenly stopped his ranting as two realisations hit him at once. The first was that he was shouting and swearing at the commander, which even in his darkened state of mind he knew was wrong. The second was that the commander himself was looking seriously annoyed, his face darkening to reflect Cloud's internal emotions surrounding the soldier's actions.

"You didn't know" Cloud gasped letting the shock show.

"No I did not, show me" Angeal growled already moving again.

They entered the apartment together and sure enough a warm meal was waiting for the cadet in the kitchen. Angeal sighed heavily and tuned towards the blonde.

"Where is the camera?"

Cloud pointed silently with his finger and Angeal moved towards the place. The camera and microphone were tiny and had been hidden well within the apartment. The commander recognised the device to be something the Turks used and sighed heavily again as the knowledge of where Zack had gotten it from hit him.

"I will speak to him, to both of them about this" he said taking the device and turning it off. "Are there any others?"

"Not that I'm aware of."

"How did you know this was here? It is very small and discreet, how could you have known about it?"

"I just felt it" Cloud admitted sadly.

"Indeed, your senses are very good to have noticed this. We will work on them more in a next session. Once I have gained a better understanding of what you are capable of, maybe we can try some more advanced classes"

"Thank you" Cloud said, a small smile ghosting his lips for the first time in a while.

Angeal took a moment to absorb the sight as it warmed his heart a little then turned and headed towards the door, the small device still in his hands.

"Cloud" he suddenly said, turning back towards the cadet. "I will speak with Zack about this, but you need to understand why he did it."

"I know why he did it" Cloud sighed his shoulders slumping forward "It's because he cares."

"Would you prefer it if he didn't care about you?" Angeal asked curiously.

"I ... I don't know anymore. Things were easier ... before. We just keep hurting each other and I can't do that to him anymore ... or to me. I think it would just be better if I ... if I was alone again."

"How is being alone better?"

Cloud smiled sadly and Angeal knew the answer was going to be painful, but the cadet seemed to be opening up so he didn't try to stop the words which escaped the blonde's lips.

"I'm used to being alone, it's always been that way for me. It's only when I start to trust that I get hurt. If being alone keeps me safe then I would rather have nothing ... feel nothing. Zack gave me hope to live, made me feel something I have never felt before and then it got broken ... I got broken. I don't know if I can fix it, if I want to fix it. There's something comforting about being by myself, I don't have to depend on anyone, I don't have to be scared anymore."

"There is a darkness in being alone Cloud, a pain that can be just as damaging as daring to feel. I understand your fears, but please consider what it might be like to hide from everything good ... to hide from love. Will you really be able to survive alone in that darkness."

Cloud was unable to answer, the commander's words being closer to the truth than he wanted to admit.

An awkward silence fell between them and Angeal took this as a sign to go. Neither of them spoke as he left the apartment, closing the door softly behind himself, leaving the cadet standing on his own in the empty room.

Cloud looked around himself and for some unknown reason shivered. Pushing away the unease which had descended upon him, the cadet quickly busied himself with showering and preparing dinner. He sat at the table and ate in silence, the food being welcomed by his body, but strangely the meal being difficult to swallow.

That night Cloud tossed and turned in a trouble sleep, curling himself up tighter within the cold blankets on his bed. It wasn't until the early hours of the morning that his body finally gave into exhaustion, that he fell into a dreamless sleep, that the feeling of being alone plagued him no more.


	17. Chapter 17: Lost and found

**Sometimes there needs to be darkness before you can find the light, pain before you can find joy. This chapter is going to set the ball rolling in a new direction for Zack and Cloud(and yes the idea for this one was inspired by CC in case anyone notices the simialrities). Sorry it's only one chapter this time, more will follow soon :o) **

**Please read, enjoy and review.**

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**Lost and found**

Zack couldn't help but grumble to himself as he moved through sector seven, the small group of cadet's at his back following obediently. He knew they were nervous and scared, this being one of their first patrols in the area. The fact the soldier leading them was talking to himself probably wasn't helping, but for some reason he just didn't seem to care.

He was half aware of the young men as they followed his progress, the fresh and inexperienced boys constantly observing their surroundings. The soldier was also aware of his surrounding's, just not as much as they were, as his enhanced senses vaguely observed the environment picking up some of the everyday noises around them. Zack sighed heavily as his mind began to wander, as the scene between himself and Angeal played out again for him to see. He remembered how Angeal had come home that day and Zack had known instantly that he was in trouble, understood that what he had done was wrong even if his intentions had been good.

His body shivered involuntarily as the image of Angeal's enraged face surfaced in his mind, as he recalled the commander's irate words about Zack's foolish behaviour and the damage it might have caused. The commander had been angry, maybe more than angry, as Zack had never experienced a lecture like that before.

"What did you think it would achieve?" Angeal's voiced had demanded to know.

"I wanted to make sure he was ok, nothing else, I swear." The soldier had defended himself.

"Then why didn't you just ask him?" the commander had shouted in frustration.

But Zack hadn't been able to answer that question, had no words which made sense to himself, let alone one's which would make sense to Angeal. Their 'conversation', which consisted mostly of Angeal's lecturing and Zack listening, had ended with the soldier being assigned patrol duties for a week as punishment. So here he was, babysitting the newest batch of grunts as they began to learn the ropes of sector patrols.

Zack looked back over his shoulder to check the cadet's in question were still following, and sighed shaking his head as he took in their perfect little rows, the six young men holding their military positions efficiently. As there was nothing to distract him he let his mind wander again, this time focussing on Reno's conversation with him from last week. Zack was glad that the Turk was currently away on a mission, their last words having been the red head's reminder to talk to Cloud. Zack groaned softly as his brain reminded him that Angeal had said the same thing, both commander and Turk instructing him that he couldn't keep putting it off. It was now as he focused on both of the conversations that he began to notice the similarities that existed in Reno' and Angeal's descriptions of the blonde.

The soldier was so caught up in his troubled thoughts now that he didn't notice the shadows moving, didn't see the men which followed their progress, didn't see the attack coming. The first shot rang out filling the air with its sound, the pain ripping through the soldier's chest as the bullet tore through his body. Zack grunted as he was spun by the force, as another bullet entered his body to join the first, quickly followed by a third which had him hitting the ground hard. The cadet's were too fresh in the field, to new to the idea of actually fighting, and not ready for this attack. Zack watched helplessly as the young men became panicked, as their defence fell, as they became lambs to the slaughter.

Had the soldier been paying attention to his assignment he would have noticed the cadet who kept his distance. He would have been aware of the young man's unease at being on this patrol, would have noticed the small bit of blonde hair which stuck out from beneath the helmet. Cloud had been excited to be assigned a patrol, had been pleased that Angeal trusted him enough to let him go out on this simple assignment. Of course he had not expected Zack to be the soldier leading them, but even as they had lined up in formation he had known it was no accident. He had silently cursed the commander for his deception and trickery and then prayed that the patrol would be a quick and simple exercise which would end soon.

Cloud had managed to take a place in the second row as they filed out through the gate, putting as much distance between himself and the normally talkative soldier as possible. He knew that Zack would want to converse with whoever was at the front and the blonde had no intention of letting the soldier know he was there. It was therefore a surprise to the cadet that Zack remained quiet as they began the patrol, that he kept his back to group as they made their first sweep of the sector. The blonde began to worry more about the soldier as they made their second sweep, as Zack's personal ramblings became more vocalised, as he began to let himself be distracted from his duties. Cloud knew it was dangerous, knew it was something which could get them into trouble, knew it was not something Zack would normally do.

He had just been about to speak up, to voice his concerns about the soldier's well being, when he had seen the shadow move. Cloud understood the use of the dark better than anyone, recognised the pattern of a body within the black world, saw the danger a second before it came but still been too late to prevent it.

The shot was like a crack of thunder as it exploded in the quiet and Cloud watched in horror as Zack was sent spinning. His heart leapt into his chest as the sound of more gun fire filled the air and the soldier's body erupted in a wash of crimson and he went down. He didn't care about anything else then, his mind screaming to get to Zack's side, his heart praying that the soldier was still alive. The other cadet's were a mess, their training going to waste as they cracked under the pressure of a real battle. Cloud was not afraid, he had dealt with fear before and he was ready for it now. Fuelled by determination to stay alive and to save Zack the cadet brought his weapon up and fired, his aim being precise and killing their attacker's instantly.

It only took a minute to check that the area was secure, that the three bodies which now lay in pools of blood were their only concern. He wasn't sure what possessed him, but suddenly Cloud took charge.

"Call for back up, tell them we have an injured man!" He shouted at the cadet carrying the communication gear.

"You two protect the rear!" He shouted at the pair behind him.

"You two guard the front!" He ordered the other pair.

"Get that med kit open now!" He demanded, as the cadet carrying the medical supplies began to slowly move towards them.

Cloud was already on his knees beside the soldier, as the cadet followed his order, and the satchel was brought over to him and opened. There was no need to hide himself now and Cloud ripped his helmet off throwing it to the ground beside him.

"Zack!" he cried, grabbing the soldier's belt and pulling him over onto his back.

"Cloud?" the raven haired man questioned weakly.

"Yea, it's me," the blonde answered, already tearing the uniform from the soldier's body so he could examine the wounds better.

"Must be dreaming," Zack slurred, his head lolling to the side.

"No you're not and you better stay awake, or I'm telling Angeal you fell asleep on the job." Cloud threatened bluntly.

"He'd never let me live that down," Zack groaned.

"No, he wouldn't." Cloud agreed as he began to patch up the soldier's injuries.

The medic was useless, or at least in his current state was inefficient, and Cloud growled as the boy fumbled with the second set of dressings. He snatched the pads from the trembling hands and quickly added them to the previous layer, which had already turned red from the blood that was quickly soaking through them.

"Cloud?" Zack mumbled, his voice becoming softer.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, and ... I'm ... I'm sorry too." Cloud admitted through gritted teeth, his anger slipping as fear crept in.

"I ruined what we had, what we could have had," the soldier said, his voice barely a whisper.

"Don't you dare give up on me now." Cloud retorted furiously, the terror of losing the soldier suddenly filling him with dread. "You hold on, you hear me," he demanded fiercely.

"Sorry Spiky, gonna ... gonna have to ... let you down .... again." Zack managed, before he slumped unconscious against the ground.

Cloud's hand shook as he felt the soldier's neck, the pulse beneath the skin beating faintly, the rise and fall of Zack's chest dangerously slow. There was a moment of panic and then he grabbed at every emotion which consumed him and pushed it down deep, burying it where it wouldn't interfere with his actions. He forced himself to become a blank slate, his control going back into place easily, as he continued to give orders and watch over them all until help arrived.

The extraction team arrived within minutes and the medic's quickly took over from Cloud, gathering the soldier up on a stretcher and carrying him away. The group was escorted back to the compound and led to the infirmary for examination before being taken to a room for debriefing. Cloud had given his account of the event clearly and objectively, never letting his emotions of the situation overwhelm him. The other cadet's however had been less controlled in their sessions with the senior officers and their accounts were scratchy at best. What all of them did recall though, was the blonde cadet who had taken charge and tended to the injured soldier.

After they had all been officially dismissed Cloud returned to the apartment, stripping out of his blood stained uniform as soon as the front door was closed. The ruined items of clothing had fallen to the floor in his wake, as they were peeled from his body and dropped unceremoniously on the ground. The need to get clean, to wash the soldier's blood from his body, driving Cloud past any other thought. The water of his shower had been dangerously hot, almost to the point of scolding, as it poured down over his flesh trying to wash away the dark brown smears that coated his skin. Cloud scrubbed himself clean with a fierce passion, rubbing at every inch of skin he could reach until the surface was raw, as he tried to get rid of the feel of Zack's blood on his body.

When he had finally given up washing away the unseen stains and left the shower, his normally pale skin now red and stinging from the abuse, he had been surprised to find Angeal sitting in the living room waiting for him. The commander had looked at him with concern and Cloud had felt the embarrassment, of being caught in only his towel, be replaced by something else. Something which had hadn't felt in a long time.

"Are you alright?" Angeal asked gently without moving.

Cloud thought about the question for a minute, his instinctive answer being yes, but his actual answer turning into a no. It was now that the true realisation of what had happened grabbed him, that the sensations from the attack consumed him, and the wave of emotions broke free from of his hold on them. He looked into the commander's eyes and willed himself to be strong, fought to not show weakness, to not be the crying child again.

It was a futile battle and he had no strength to fight the tears as they began to pour down his face. His body crumbled in on itself as he wept, the commander suddenly there catching him as he slipped to the floor, strong arms going around his drained body and holding him tight.

"It's ok" Angeal soothed, rocking the cadet gently "You're ok and he's ok."

"I ... I thought ... I thought he was..." Cloud choked between sobbing breaths.

"I know, but he's a soldier and he's strong" the commander reminded the cadet gently. "And you took good care of him" he added softly.

Cloud drew in a shaky breath meeting the commander's eyes, needing to see if the words were real or simply being said to comfort him. Any doubt he had in the commander's reassurances quickly disappeared, as Angeal's warm eyes looked into his and a gentle smile played on the man's face.

"Come on, you should see him for yourself" Angeal said pulling the cadet to his feet.

"I ... I can't" Cloud protested feebly.

"Yes you can, and you will. Now get dressed" the commander ordered gently.

Cloud hesitated for a minute and then nodded. He quickly hurried into his room and changed, throwing on whatever clothes he could find and not caring if they were clean or not. He re-emerged a minute later and followed Angeal out of the apartment, keeping up with the commander's brisk pace, as they made their way towards the infirmary.

Zack was still unconscious when they reached his room, the smell of antiseptic and bright lights making the cadet feel uneasy as he was led to the soldier's bed.

"He is fine" Angeal reassured the blonde as he saw the cadet's reaction to Zack's appearance. "The bullets did some damage, but he has been healed."

"He's so pale, and he's not awake" Cloud replied worriedly.

"He is pale from the blood loss and is currently sedated so he will rest more comfortably" Angeal explained gently.

Cloud nodded in understanding and acceptance of the commander's words. He turned his attention back towards Zack and felt his heart ache at seeing the soldier's weakened state. The cadet understood what being a soldier meant, knew it involved injury and loss, but that didn't make it any easier. He slowly raised his hand towards Zack's and whimpered slightly as the normally strong limb felt heavy and almost lifeless in his grip.

"Would you like to stay with him for a while?" Angeal asked softly.

Cloud nodded instantly, his eyes shining a little brighter amongst the watery blue of unshed tears. The commander fetched him a chair and the cadet quickly took his place beside the soldier, holding his hand tighter as if afraid to let go.

Somewhere in the darkness an ember flickered as hope was reborn within the cadet, as the love for the soldier was acknowledged once more. The voice sensed the change in its surroundings, felt the warmth of the fire as it flickered in the shadows. It watched in frustration as, just like the phoenix rising from the ashes, the blonde's heart was reborn and began to beat again.


	18. Chapter 18: Turning things around

**Wow. Thank you for such lovely reviews. I can't believe how popular this story has become and am blow away by the wonderful comments people keep leaving. **

**A massive thank you to Brunette S Angel for all your fantastic comments about each and every chapter, you're great. Also thank you to Riku-Aura777 for pointing out the incorrect word choice / spelling mistake in the last chapter, that was so embarrassing. (I have changed it in case anyone gets confused)**

**Anyway. Here is the next chapter. I can only hope it is good enough to follow on from the previous one. Review and let me know.**

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**Turning things around**

"So, he really did all of that?" Zack asked, as they made their way across the compound.

"Indeed, by all accounts he saved everyone."

"Wow!" the soldier breathed, the feeling of pride spreading throughout his body.

Angeal waited a minute before continuing, allowing Zack's smile to grow, as the raven haired man took in the information being given to him. He knew that the soldier had been made aware of the facts during the review, but also knew that Zack had been too distracted to take it all in properly. It was why he had decided that they should take the long walk back, giving them both time to go over everything again in a less formal setting. He sighed heavily knowing that what he had to say next would be upsetting for the soldier, but also knew it was needed.

"While I cannot fault the cadet ... Cloud for his actions, they should not have been necessary." Angeal announced sternly ruing Zack's cheerful mood instantly as he had feared.

"I know. I screwed up big time." Zack agreed sadly, his smile disappearing completely.

"You allowed yourself to be distracted and it left you all vulnerable."

"So that's a yes then." Zack replied softly, the guilt of the whole event still weighing heavily on his shoulders.

Angeal sighed deeply as he took in the soldier's dejected form, the slumped shoulders and dipped head concealing the normally joyful face with fallen spikes of black hair. The commander considered his next words carefully understanding the sombre look which plagued Zack's features, knowing the alien expression did not belong there, and hoping to erase it somehow.

"You are not completely to blame for this Zack. I should have known you were not focused enough for such a responsibility."

"I can do my job Angeal" Zack snapped back in defence of himself.

"Can you? Can you honestly say, after everything that has happened, that you did your job?"

Zack's mouth opened to respond, the lips moving soundlessly as the solider realised that he had no argument to give. He couldn't honestly defend himself, couldn't pretend that everything was fine when it wasn't. Thankfully the attack had been small and, much to his great relief, Cloud had performed wonderfully under the pressure. But that was the problem wasn't it. Cloud shouldn't have been forced into that position, shouldn't have needed to defend them, because it should have been the soldier's job to protect them all. He scolded himself again, berated himself for letting three men take him down so easily.

At least the review committee had been forgiving, had acknowledged that an attack on a junior patrol had been unexpected, that the force of the assault had been far more aggressive than necessary. The fact they had taken the soldier out first showed that the assailants had military training, the precise aim of the bullets and the damage they had caused supporting this idea. Had the blonde cadet not been so 'efficient' then the strike would have clearly been fatal for all who were present.

Zack hadn't taken any comfort in their evaluation of the case, his own self-loathing eating away at him silently as they assigned him a week's rest and then additional medical evaluation. His poor reaction time, and dampened senses, giving them cause for concern about his performance. Thankfully Angeal had been present and protested Zack's lack of reaction, had argued in the soldier's defence that it could have happened to anyone of the small patrol's that took place. The review committee had agreed on this fact and so the commander was instructed to supervise his old pupil, re-establish training as necessary, and report back on the soldier's progress in a week's time. If Zack was found to be fit for duty, after this time, then he would be reassigned to his normal routines and responsibilities.

It had been an hour since that review, six hours since he had been discharged from the hospital, a day since he had woken up in the uncomfortable bed with Angeal by his side and three days since Cloud had saved his life. Zack hadn't actually seen the cadet since that fateful day, but Angeal had assured him that Cloud was well and had even visited while he slept. He knew the blonde was around somewhere and was also aware of the rumours which had started to spread amongst the troops. Tales about a young cadet who had saved a soldier's life while singlehandedly taking out an entire taskforce. In a small way he found the stories funny, after all there had only been three men not an entire taskforce, but there was also something worrying about them. Cloud had killed three men, had raised his rifle and cut them down without hesitation, and that troubled Zack. There was something wrong with being able to do that and not have it affect you in some way.

"Angeal?"

"Yes Zack," the commander replied, glad that the soldier had risen from his internal musings.

"Is Spiky ... ok?"

"He was not harmed in the attack..."

"That's not what I meant. Is he alright after ..."

"After killing someone." Angeal finished already aware of the soldier's concern.

"Yea."

"He has not spoken of it. In truth he seems to be more concerned about you than anything else."

"Me?"

"Yes. He has been quite distracted these past few days."

Angeal watched as the sea of emotions played across the soldier's face and held his breath in hope of the idea, which seemed to be forming in Zack's mind

"Can ... can I ...see him?"

'Thank Gaia' Angeal's head screamed, but to the man beside him he merely replied "I believe that should be possible."

They made their way across the compound towards the soldier apartments with Zack practically skipping as they entered the building. Angeal watched with joy as the bouncy energetic puppy that he knew began to surface again, as Zack's body continued to shift restlessly in the lift. It was only as they came to a stop that Zack realised he didn't have a key card to let them in.

"Uuuummmm, what should we do?" the soldier asked worriedly.

"We knock," Angeal sighed shaking his head.

"Oh yea," was the embarrassed reply.

The smile on Angeal's face slipped a little as they waited, the knock to the door having received no reply. He knocked again, louder this time, and they waited patiently for a few more minutes. When still no one came Zack pushed his head against the door and listened intently.

"Place is empty," he announced, his voice wavering slightly.

"Then where are they?" Angeal mused, already pulling his phone from a trouser pocket.

"They?"

"Yes. I didn't want to leave Cloud alone while the review was taking place so I assigned him a guardian."

"A what?" Zack almost squeaked, knowing Cloud would have hated that.

"Do not worry, I did not choose a random stranger. I requested Reno for the assignment, seeing as how they have come to know each other."

Zack didn't reply, but the audible gulp was loud enough to indicate he understood Angeal's meaning.

"Reno where are you?" Angeal asked as soon as the phone was answered.

"Hello to you too," the Turk replied cheekily and somewhat amused.

"Reno." Angeal warned carefully.

"We're outside your place man."

Angeal blinked in confusion and looked across at Zack who, having heard the conversation, was also looking a little unsure of the situation.

"Why are you outside my place?"

"The kid ... Cloud, wanted to check and see if Zack was ok."

"Stay where you are, we will be with you soon," he ordered before, flipping the phone shut.

The serious commander couldn't help but smile at the way Zack's eyes now glowed, the boy practically radiating happiness beside him.

"He wanted to see me," the soldier almost squealed, causing Angeal to roll his eyes.

"Come on, let's not keep them waiting."

The distance to Angel's apartment wasn't far and this time as they rode the lift to the correct floor Zack's body was practically bouncing on the spot, as the excitement coursed through him. Angeal watched curiously as the numbers counted up towards the floor and Zack's stance became more poised and prepared to move. The tension in the soldier's posture reminded Angeal of the men in training when they were preparing for a race and he quickly put an arm out to grasp Zack's shoulder.

"Angeal?" The soldier asked, confused by the suddenly firm grip on his body.

"Do not rush him. He wants to see you, but that doesn't mean he is ready for the full force of your feelings."

Zack physically slumped as the commander's words ate away at his confidence in seeing Cloud again.

"Yea, ok. Sorry," he mumbled and Angeal bit his lip against the apology which wanted to escape.

The next second a soft ping announced their arrival at the correct floor and both men turned to view the corridor as the doors slid open to reveal the figures of two men waiting for them. Reno stood leaning against the wall, his red hair and black suit standing out in complete contrast to the pale colour of the painted surface. Sitting nervously on the floor, with his back resting against the door, was the blonde haired cadet.

"Hey." Zack called, his voice cheerful but not quite back to what it had been before.

Angeal cursed inwardly at the loss knowing that he had damaged Zack's unspoken hopes in this meeting, but he needn't have worried. Almost a second after the words had left the soldier's mouth a blonde and blue blur collided with the raven haired man and a soft 'ooofffhh' escape Zack's lips as a smaller body pinned itself to his.

Zack's face lit up like a Christmas tree, as Cloud's arms wrapped themselves around his waist and the cadet pulled them together tightly.

"It's good to see you to," he breathed, putting his own arms around the blonde's shoulders to complete the embrace.

They stood this way for a few minutes, with their bodies help firmly against each other. The cadet's head buried deeply against Zack's shoulder and the soldier resting his chin on a bed of soft golden hair.

"You ok?" Zack finally asked, realising that the silence was going on a little too long.

"Me" Cloud squeaked pulling away slightly. "What about you? What did they say? Are you ok? Are you in trouble?"

"Woooooow, hold up there Spiky, that's one too many questions." Zack laughed softly, trying to calm the now trembling blonde in his arms. "I'm fine," he reassured the cadet gently. "I have a week's review with extra training and a medical check up at the end."

"What for? Why? Is something wrong?"

"It's just so they can check I'm ok as well, nothing serious." Zack said smiling and pulling the cadet closer again, glad that the blonde didn't try to pull away from the contact.

There was a moment's hesitation and then he felt Cloud's head nod against his chest in acceptance of his words.

"By the way," Zack began, wanting to say what he felt. "You did a good job. I'm proud of you."

"I was so scared" Cloud breathed against his chest not looking up.

"I can imagine it was pretty scary, it's the first time you've experienced a real combat situation, but you did good."

"No, not that." Cloud cut in pulling himself even closer into the warmth of Zack's embrace."I was scared I was going to lose you."

It wasn't only Zack who reacted to those words, wasn't just the soldier who felt his emotions stirred by such a heartfelt confession. Reno watched the scene play out in silent joy, his hopes of reconciling the pair having been fulfilled, while Angeal smiled knowing it was a good step in the right direction for both of them. A loud rumble from Cloud's stomach brought an end to the sentimental moment and Zack laughed softly as the blonde in his arms blushed deeply.

"I take it you haven't eaten yet." Angeal observed looking at Reno questioningly.

"Don't look at me like that, I tried but the ki ... Cloud wasn't hungry."The Turk replied defensively.

"You are supposed to eat regular meals." The commander said, turning his attention back towards the cadet.

"I was too nervous," Cloud replied softly, his eyes only half meeting Angeal's.

Angeal sighed shaking his head, but smiled to show he wasn't really angry. "I suppose that means you haven't eaten either?" He enquired redirecting his attention back towards the Turk.

"Nope."

"Then you might as well come in and join us for dinner."

"Me!" Reno choked in surprise. "But I thought you ..."

"I do not dislike you Reno." Angeal finished knowing exactly what the Turk was going to say. "I merely detest the habit you have of getting Zack into so much trouble."

"Angeal?" Zack protested in a childish whine, as the Turk snorted back a small laugh.

"Those are the facts, there is nothing I can do about it." Angeal said sternly, but his eyes were glowing with amusement all the same.

"It's not always Reno's fault." Zack added hesitantly.

"I am very much aware of that, you are both as bad as each other. It is also why I will have to keep a better eye on all of you from now on."

"Huh?" Zack and Reno chorused together.

"It was bad enough when there was just the two of you, now that Cloud is around I dare say that you will get into even more trouble dragging him along with you."

The soldier and Turk looked at each other as if the idea hadn't even crossed their minds, to which Angeal could only scold himself for doing, and grinned wildly at the possibilities ahead of them.

"I have created a monster." Angeal sighed heavily, as he opened the door.

"Yep." Zack agreed cheerfully bringing a confused Cloud round and steering him into the apartment.

Reno followed the soldier laughing loudly as they made their way inside. Angeal waited for a moment and smiled brightly knowing it wouldn't be long before he would be trying to explain another crazy situation to the general.


	19. Chapter 19: Like a family

**This chapter is full of cuteness and sickeningly sweet moments, but it was just something I had to write.**

**It might also sound like a concluding chapter but it's not, there is still a way to go for them all.**

**Please enjoy and please remember to review :o)**

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**Like a family**

Cloud had never been inside Angeal's apartment before and could only stare speechlessly at his surroundings. The place was even bigger than Zack's, which the cadet hadn't thought possible, and was furnished to feel both warm and inviting. There were clearly two separate bedrooms leading off of the living room and what Cloud could only imagine to be the main bathroom down the hall. He was even amazed to see that not only was the living room twice the size of Zack's but that it also had a separate dining area at one end.

"Pretty impressive isn't it?" Zack asked, noting the look of wonder on Cloud's face.

A small nod and smile was his reply and Zack took the opportunity to give the cadet another quick hug before Angel interrupted the moment.

"So Cloud, what would you like to eat?"

Cloud flinched in Zack's arms and the soldier looked at him with concern.

"I ... I don't mind." Cloud stammered nervously.

"Do you have a preference, we are after all celebrating you being a hero."

"A ... hero?" Cloud whispered looking at the floor. "I'm not a hero, I'm just ..."

"You saved my butt and the other guys who were with us." Zack cut in quickly, already seeing where this was going. "You are a hero to me."

"But ..."

"Zack is correct, you saved their lives, you are a hero." Angeal added, his voice clearly indicating he was not to be argued with.

Cloud nodded and a small embarrassed smile formed on his lips.

"So ... food?" Reno cut in, partially to break up the awkwardness but mainly because he was actually hungry.

"What do you boys feel like having?" Angeal asked deciding it was best not to ask the cadet again, at least not directly.

"Oh, those chicken things you do." Zack suddenly cried out making them all jump slightly.

"Chicken things?" Reno asked raising an eyebrow.

"There great, trust me." Zack responded grinning at the Turk.

"Sure man, why not." The red head agreed happily.

"Cloud?"

"That sounds good," was the soft reply.

"In that case Zack I will need your help in the kitchen."

"Whhhyyyy?" the soldier whined.

"You are aware that it will be quicker if I have help and as you suggested this meal you can help make it."

"But Angeeeeaaaallll."

"I don't mind helping." A faint voice offered, interrupting the soldier's childish behaviour.

All eyes turned to the cadet who was still pressed tightly against Zack's body.

"That is very kind of you to offer Cloud and it would be a pleasure to have you help me." Angeal said smiling at the cadet.

Unlike the soldier's kitchen, which was separated from the living room area by a counter/breakfast bar, Angeal's was a separate room altogether. As soon as the commander disappeared through the doorway Cloud began to move away from the soldier's embrace to follow. He paused for a second, as if hesitating on something, then quickly rose up and a placed a chaste kiss on the soldier's cheek before hurrying away.

Zack's hand slowly rose to the now tingling skin on his face and his fingers brushed gently over the spot where Cloud's lips had just been. He was drawn back from his dream like state by Reno's eyes glowing at him from across the room and a steady blush crept up his face.

"Hey, no worries man." Reno declared holding his hands up in mock surrender. "I personally think it's kinda sweet."

Zack's blush deepened and he groaned softly at the Turks very obvious amusement. Feeling a need to change the subject quickly, Zack made his way towards the kitchen indicating for Reno to follow. Inside they found Angeal and Cloud already preparing some of the ingredients and Zack couldn't help but smile at the way the cadet's face had become so serious, as he took in all the information Angeal was giving him. It also warmed the soldier's heart to see Angeal smiling, the commander clearly enjoying the task of educating someone in a subject other than battle.

"So what do you want me to do?" Zack asked announcing his presence.

"Cut this." Angeal replied, tossing something over his shoulder without looking round.

Zack caught the item easily and grinned at Cloud who had watched the seamless interaction in wonder. He smiled brightly as he made his way across the room, grabbing the chopping board and knife he would need, before setting himself up in the corner out of the way. He had just started cutting when Reno appeared beside him and hopped up onto the work surface to watch.

"Off!" Angeal ordered without looking and Reno obeyed instantly while Zack laughed.

"What's so funny soldier boy?" Reno asked defensively.

"Nothing. I did the same thing my first time too, except I was pushed off."

Reno's anger disappeared instantly as he burst out laughing at the image which came to mind.

"Really?" Cloud's voice hesitated to ask.

"Yep." Zack replied his tone strangely proud of the memory.

"What else did ..." Cloud's trailed off as if he were afraid to finish them.

"What else did I do?" Zack continued smiling at the cadet's question reassuringly.

A snorted laugh from Angel made them all look at the commander in disbelief .

"The question you should be asking is, what didn't he do?" Angeal said ignoring the jaws which dropped around him.

The room was soon filled with the delightful sounds of voices as they joked and laughed together, as stories of Angeal and Zack's mentoring experiences were shared, and tales of Reno and Zack's trouble making schemes were described. As a result the meal preparation became quite entertaining, while Angeal also tried to teach Cloud about various cooking herbs and techniques.

The kitchen itself was bigger than Zack's so had plenty of room to work in, but it was still a little snug with four bodies moving around within it. The close proximity to so many people would have normally made Cloud feel apprehensive, but strangely he didn't feel scared about being surrounded by these men. In fact he soon found himself happily relaxing into the joyful atmosphere, soaking up the knowledge and stories eagerly. Of course not all of the stories were appropriate for Cloud, at least not in Angeal's eyes, and several times Zack and Reno had to dodge a clip to the ear for their crude comments.

"Hey that wasn't rude." Reno cried, ducking another one of Angeal's attempts to cuff the back of his head.

"It was inappropriate for such young ears," he said indicating the cadet beside him.

"Fine." The Turk replied with an exaggerated sigh and a smile, which Angeal returned happily.

Zack only laughed at the friendly banter between the Turk and commander, glad that the first time Angel had done that it had been taken so well by the normally defensive red head.

"So what do I do with this?" Cloud asked drawing the commander's attention back to the task at hand.

"That goes in here and then we leave it for ten minutes" Angeal said completing the task as described.

"So how long till we eat?" Reno enquired happily, the scent of whatever was cooking making his mouth water.

"Ten minutes, so go wash up" Angeal instructed shooing them all out of the room.

The stories continued throughout the meal and Cloud lost himself to the wondrous tales of adventures in far of lands, of near death experiences involving pranks on several members of senior staff and of disastrous training sessions. He relaxed in their presence and allowed himself to laugh when they laughed, evening drawing up the courage to let the odd humours comment slip from his lips as he grew more confident in their company.

It was only when the sound of a small alarm interrupted their recent tale that Cloud's mood feel instantly and the soldier looked up across the table, clearly worried by the cadet's sudden mood change. They both knew what the alarm was set for, knew that it was time for the blonde's next dosage, and knew that the pills were still in Zack's apartment.

"If you will excuse me." Cloud said softly, already rising from his chair.

"You're leaving?" Reno asked clearly confused. "But we haven't had pudding."

Cloud smiled faintly at the Turk's clearly upset tone and had to admit he was also going to regret leaving and not being able to sample the apple pie they had prepared.

"I'm sorry I have to." Cloud mumbled by way of an apology.

"Couldn't you miss one? I mean I know you shouldn't but ... could you?" Zack asked cautiously, well aware of the look he was getting for Angeal.

Cloud hesitated beside the chair, his hands now wringing the life out of the napkin he held.

"I ... I don't know," he admitted uncertainly.

"Miss one what?" Reno asked oblivious to the conversations theme.

"My medication." Cloud answered flatly, to which Zack and Angeal both flinched slightly.

"What you taking?" Reno continued as if nothing was wrong.

Cloud replied by giving the Turk the name of the medication and Reno mulled it over in his head for a minute.

"Shouldn't be a problem to miss one," he aired thoughtfully. "Just make sure you take the next one on time."

"How do you know?" Zack asked cautiously.

"Man, you still don't get what being a Turk means" Reno sighed "Tseng makes us learn all sorts of stuff, in case it comes in useful."

"And yet he hasn't managed to teach you how to dress properly," Angeal tossed in casually.

The response he got was a shocked Reno nearly choking on a new mouthful of food, a side splitting laugh from Zack who nearly fell of his chair and a small chuckle from the blonde cadet who had yet to move.

"Sit down Cloud," he ordered softly and smiled when the blonde did as instructed.

They finished the meal happily, the incident being quickly forgotten, and then enjoyed the dessert while more embarrassing stories were told. Cloud was first to excuse himself and leave the table, clearing a pile of plates up as he moved, before heading towards the kitchen. A second later and the sound of running water could be heard coming from the room and Zack was quickly up and heading towards it before Angeal could ask him. The commander watched with a sense of pride as Reno also stood, excusing himself first, and followed the other two carrying the remaining plates in his hands. The commander sighed happily as the sounds of laughter and dishes being stacked could be heard coming from the room.

In search of a more comfortable seat Angeal rose from his chair and moved to the living room area of the apartment, where he couldn't help but overhear the conversations going on in the kitchen. The commander laughed softly at Zack's idea to call their task 'mission clean up' and silently agreed with the other two when they openly groaned. He sat back on the two seater sofa and began to listen intently to the system which was being set up by the boys, smiling as jobs were assigned in the clear up operation. He chuckled at one of Zack's embarrassing admissions, also remembering the time well, and let himself relax against the soft comfortable material beneath him.

He soon found himself drawing away from their conversations, including the revelation of a past exploit which he probably shouldn't know about, and began to realise just how happy he felt. He hadn't imagined the evening turning out this way, hadn't planned on it becoming such a relaxed and enjoyable event. Not only was he content with the knowledge that the cadet was getting better but Zack was back to being his puppy again, the young solider full of life once more.

Angeal smiled as his heart grew lighter and filled with warmth, his fatherly affection for the boy finding some peace at last. It was only now that he realised that there was more than just Zack's happiness being felt within him. That somehow the cadet, and even the young Turk, had managed to find their way in as well. It was if the young soldier had not only returned to his rightful place in Angeal's life, but had also brought reinforcements to support it there.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a cry from the kitchen and a second later Cloud flew into the room as if running for his life. Almost instantly Zack appeared, the remains of some sauce still on his face and a glint of revenge in his eyes.

"You're so gonna get it." He warned the cadet playfully, while raising sauce covered hands menacingly.

"No." Cloud choked out between laughing breaths as he backed way.

"If that get's on my furniture you will be cleaning it up." Angeal warned humorously.

"Got it." Zack acknowledged without backing off as the commander and cadet had silently hoped.

"Zack no!" Cloud cried as the soldier suddenly lunged forward, with super speed, and grabbed him.

Within seconds Cloud's body was smeared with the marinade sauce, his clothes face and hair each receiving a good coating of the slick liquid. Angeal wasn't sure how to stop the soldier's assault on the cadet, especially as he didn't want to get the substance on himself either, and was therefore glad when the pair fell away from each other laughing. Zack gloated in triumph as he stood a few steps away from the now dishevelled blonde, admiring his handy work, while Cloud could only grumble at his now very sticky appearance.

"I suggest you go and wash that off before it starts to dry." Angeal suggested, indicating Cloud's hair.

"I'll probably need a shower to get all this off." Cloud admitted examining the parts of his hair he could see.

"You can use the one in the spare bedroom." The commander offered helpfully.

"I couldn't," Cloud stammered, suddenly lost by the unexpected offer.

"Of course you can, besides we can't have you walking around like that." Angeal scolded softly.

"But I don't have any spare clothes or ..."

"There are spare towels here and Zack can lend you some of his clothes, they might be a little big but they should do."

"Thank you." Cloud breathed, smiling nervously at the commander.

"Come on then." Zack said smiling happily as he grabbed Cloud's arm and dragged him towards the spare bedroom. "Shower's in there," he said indicating another door in the room by pushing Cloud towards it. "The towel in there's clean so use it and I'll get another one for when I need it next time. I'll have a quick dig through my stuff and leave something out on the bed for you to change into."

The soldier stopped talking now, noticing an odd silence behind him, and looked back across the room towards the cadet who stood hesitantly in the bathroom doorway.

"You ok?" He asked lightly.

"Thank you ... for everything." Cloud replied timidly, before disappearing into the room and closing the door.

When he had finished washing the gunk from his hair and dried off, Cloud left the bathroom to find a spare t-shirt and pair of combat trousers lying on the bed. They were indeed a little bit too big, but thankfully the trousers had a drawstring belt which did up enough and the t-shirt was comfortable as it hung loosely on his body.

Back outside in the living room he found Reno and Zack sprawled out in front of the TV, having finished the washing up, and watching some random film involving a car chase. Cloud smiled as he listened to the pair debated the realism of the scene and how certain bits just weren't possible, although Reno argued that they were because he had either done it or seen someone else do it.

Cloud hesitantly took a seat on the empty sofa across from Angeal and smiled when the commanders eyes came up, from the book he was reading, to meet his own.

"Feeling better?"

"Yes, thank you."

Angela's attention turned back to the novel and so Cloud let himself get drawn into the film and the continued disputes going on between the Turk and soldier. It wasn't long before the events of the day caught up with him, the feeling of a good meal in his stomach, and the freshness of a hot shower leaving him in a relaxed state. He curled up against the cushions on the sofa, telling himself that it was only so he could be more comfortable, informing his eyes that they were only allowed to close for a minute to rest during the adverts. The cadet's eyes never opened again and soon the soft sound of his gentle breathing could be heard as he slept.

It wasn't long before Angeal found that the room had gone quiet and when he looked again there were three sleeping forms spread out around him. Thankfully the cadet was asleep on the sofa, so a blanket over his body was all Angeal needed to do to make him more comfortable. He lifted Zack easily and carried the soldier into the spare room, depositing him on the bed carefully, before tucking him in amongst the covers. The only person he was worried about now was Reno, knowing from personal experience it could be dangerous to wake a sleeping Turk. Thankfully the red head in question had already moved, weather by conscious or unconscious movements Angeal wasn't sure, and now lay on the sofa which the commander had only just vacated. A second blanket appeared and soon Reno was covered up, just as Cloud was across from him.

Checking that everything was off and that all his 'boys' were safe Angeal made his way towards his own bedroom smiling as he realised that somehow things had changed, that somewhere along the line they had become like a family.


	20. Chapter 20: Meeting Tseng

**I just wanted to apologise for this only being a one chapter update. I did mention to few people it would be two but that second chapter just doesn't feel quite right yet. Sorry.**

**I hope you enjoy it and please remember to review, thanks.**

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**Meeting Tseng**

Cloud woke to the wonderful aroma of coffee, to the sound of laughter coming from the kitchen and the feel of a warm soft blanket wrapped around him. It was a strange sensation for the normally troubled cadet, but for once he actually found himself to be at peace with the world around him. The memories of the previous night floated through his waking mind and he smiled burying himself deeper amongst the blankets, afraid to surface properly in case it all turned out to be a dream. The sofa shifted slightly as somebody's weight settled on it and Cloud instinctively tensed as if preparing for an attack. He held his breath as the cover was slowly lowered and looked up to see Zack's face smiling down at him.

"Time to get up sleepy head." Zack teased gently, noting the look on the cadet's face.

Cloud blinked before rubbing his eyes, clearing away the last of the sleep, his expression changing from being fearful of the situation to just being a little bit nervous.

"That's you're second cup." Angeal's voice could be heard scolding someone in the kitchen

"But it's so gooooooooooood," Reno's voice replied.

Zack laughed and Cloud looked up at him confused.

"Reno has a thing for coffee and Angeal has the best supply around." He explained, shrugging as if a little embarrassed by the knowledge.

"So you're awake." Angeal's voice cut in as he came into the room, carrying the fresh pot of coffee, closely followed by Reno. "Well come on them, breakfast is getting cold."

Cloud nodded and rose from the sofa stretching himself to release some of the kinks as he moved over to the table. The plate of food which was put in front of him was enormous and his jaw dropped at the sight.

"I can't manage all that" he protested weakly.

"Yes you can." Zack replied quickly, and then noticing how much was actually on the plate he changed his mind. "Well you can try ... but there's also more if you want it."

"Oh my god." Reno moaned in pleasure, his mouth full of something "What is this stuff?"

"It's apple and cinnamon bread, Angeal makes it himself." Zack announced proudly.

"It's delicious," the Turk managed before devouring another slice.

"Thank you." Angeal replied modestly, but clearly enjoying the compliment.

The atmosphere was once again pleasurable as they ate and Cloud enjoyed the conversations, which seemed to flow between them easily, focusing around what each had planned for the day. He even managed to eat more than he had thought and was delighted when Angeal offered to show him how to make the bread, which Reno and Zack had all but devoured. It was just as Reno was arguing with Angeal that he could handle the caffeine high of a fifth cup of coffee that the small alarm went off again. The room froze in an awkward silence and three pairs of eyes turned cautiously towards Cloud.

"It's ok," the blonde said smiling nervously. "I'll just go and ... and then I'll come right back."

"If I had thought about it earlier one of us could have gone to get them and saved you the trouble." Angeal noted evenly.

"It's ok." Cloud said moving away from the table and heading towards the door.

"You want some company?" Zack called, already rising to his feet behind the cadet's moving figure.

"No, it's ok I'll just be a minute, well maybe ten, but I'll be back soon."

With that the door could be heard opening and closing quickly as the blonde disappeared from the apartment.

"You think, maybe one of us should go with him?" Reno asked hesitantly.

"No, he can do this himself." Angeal informed them both. "It will also give him a chance to have a little bit of space from us."

"He's getting better though, right?" Zack asked nervously.

"Perhaps? He seems better and last night was a pleasant change from his normal state."

"It was like a different kid," Reno agreed.

"Is it because of the medication?" Zack asked, his dislike for the necessary tablets very clear.

"There has certainly been an improvement since he started taking them, although I believe last night had more to do with you than the medication." Angeal informed the soldier reassuringly.

"Me?"

"Yes I believe so."

"But I didn't do anything."

"I imagine that nearly losing you has made him realise how important you are to him, however angry he may have been before."

"What if he's only feeling this way because of the drugs? What if it's not permanent? What if he ..."

"Zack!" Angeal cut in forcefully

"I'm sorry I just ..."

"You are doubting him again." The commander warned sternly. "He is just as confused about all of this as you are, but it's normal and has nothing to do with the medication he is taking."

"Are you sure?"

"Zack man, the kid hardly left your side in the hospital. Angeal had to get one of the doctors to prescribe something so we could get him to go to sleep. The kid's like a machine, I bet even Tseng or Sephiroth couldn't have gone that long without at least a nap."

"You drugged him?" Zack asked in disbelief, having missed the point of Reno's story completely.

"It was the only way to get him to rest." Angeal admitted in frustration. "Whatever Cloud feels for you it is strong and affects him greatly, you should not question it."

"I can't believe you're giving me relationship advice." Zack tried to joke, but the humour was lost to the seriousness of the conversation.

"Zack. I've known how you feel about Cloud for a while, maybe even longer than you have, they way you talk about him and react when he is around shows that you have strong feelings for him. I also believe that he feels the same way about you, but both of you need to get past this defensive wall you seem to have built around yourselves. I only want you to be happy and if being with Cloud makes that possible then I am going to do my best to make sure you both realise what you mean to each other."

"I don't want to screw this up again." Zack admitted quietly as Angeal's words sunk in.

"Then listen to him this time and trust in him." Angeal pointed out, his tone both gentle and firm.

Zack nodded solemnly and began to pull at the piece of bread in his hands, his heart and mind conflicting over his emotions. A second later and Angeal's hand was roughly fluffing through his hair in a comforting manor. The action managed to draw a short protesting moan from the soldier which was accompanied by a small smile on his face. The curve of lips grew a little more as Reno added his own form of affectionate support by playful punching Zack on the shoulder, before stealing the remain piece of bread off his plate.

"Hey." Zack whined good-naturedly.

"What? You were just pulling it to pieces, seemed a waste," the Turk defended as he shoved the last piece in his mouth.

It was only after they had finished eating and cleared the table that the three men realised Cloud had taken too long and began to worry.

In truth they had every reason to be concerned, even though they didn't know it yet, because Cloud was in trouble. His mad dash to Zack's apartment had been uneventful and he had quickly swallowed the despised little lumps before leaving to hurry back. It was only as he made his return trip across the compound that something stopped him, the sound of familiar names being mentioned drawing his attention like a bee to honey.

"You're kidding," the voice responded in disbelief.

"No saw him myself."

"Leaving Commander Hewley's apartment?" the voice questioned unconvinced.

"Yep, not more than ten minutes ago and the kid was in a hurry too."

"Wow, that's unbelievable."

"Humph!" A third deeper voice grunted.

"What?" voice one asked sounding a little annoyed.

"Oh come on, isn't it obvious?"

There was a silent pause as the small group of men considered the options.

"You don't think the commander is sleeping with the blonde kid?" voice one asked in surprise.

"Why not? That's probably how Lieutenant Fair got his position."

"You can't say that about the Lieutenant" voice two responded angrily.

"Yes I can. He may be good but if it wasn't for the commanders one-on-one time he would still be in third" the deep voice said bitterly, his emphasis on one-on-one time being almost spat out.

"But isn't the blonde kid staying with the Lieutenant?" voice two asked clearly confused.

"He was, they had an argument," voice one informed them both.

"So where is he staying now?" voice two asked.

"Ummmm I guess he was staying at the commanders," voice one offered.

"See," voice three all but cheered in triumph. "Either the commander is doing the kid or the lieutenant, hell both could be giving the kid one and each other for all we know."

"Kane you can't say that," voice one protested in mild panic. "If anyone hears you ..."

"I can if it's true," the one called Kane interrupted angrily.

"But you don't know if it's true," voice two protested weakly.

"Then what other reason does a grunt have for doing a runner out of the commander's apartment so early in the morning?"

Voice one and two remained quiet, unable to answer this question with any other reasonable possibility.

"Exactly!" Kane stated. "Kid's gonna sleep his way to the top, just like Fair." A sudden gasp of delight could be heard as Kane seemed to realise something wonderful. "This proves it, all those rumours about them being more than mentor and pupil were true, that Fair was screwing around with Angeal to climb up the ranks."

Cloud had been standing quietly listening, his breathing becoming quicker as his heart beat faster in his chest, as the men's words had soaked into his mind. The cadet began to shake as his body was filled by a whirlwind of emotions, as confliction thoughts and feelings burned through him. He was used to people saying things about him so he didn't care what they said, didn't let their opinion of him matter, but it was the disrespect for Zack and Angeal which ate away at his control.

The blonde was on auto pilot as he walked around the corner to face the men, his body drawn up fight, fists clenched tightly at his sides. Voice one and two and Kane looked up to see the thunderous teen standing before them, the boy who's blue eyes burned with violent fire and who's voice came out cold and even.

"Kane?"

"Yea," the second class soldier on the far right answered without thinking.

The next second the soldier was on his back with blow after blow falling in a steady stream against his body.

The two other soldiers stared in shock for a moment unable to believe the scene which played out before them. They were third class soldiers themselves and even with mako enhancements weren't suicidal enough to take on a second class and expect to win. They were frozen to the spot as the cadet launched himself at the more experienced and superior officer knocking him down to the floor landing several fairly impressive punches to the man's body before the soldier regained his senses. They watched as the second class soldier retaliated to the attack by lashing out, his fists connecting with the cadet's face and chest with simultaneous blows. There was a grunt of pain from the blonde as he was sent flying off the soldier's body to land in a heap a few feet away.

"Well don't just stand there!" Kane shouted, spiting blood from his mouth as he spoke.

The two soldiers acted quickly grabbing Cloud by both arms, pulling him off the ground to stand shakily on his feet in front of the second class soldier. None of them had expected the cadet to still be able to fight, let alone crazy enough to try, so were caught by surprise when the blonde suddenly lunged forward and managed to kick Kane in the chest once more. This time when they held him, their grips were tight enough to cut off the circulation to his arms.

"You little shit!" Kane spat, his voice filled with rage.

His words were followed by a back hand to the cadet's face which had Cloud's head snapping violently to one side. When the blonde's face came back round to meet his again, Kane was pleased to see the split lip and blood which now marred the boys chin.

"You little fuck, you think you're better than me? You can sleep with whoever you like, but you will never be a soldier because you're weak. You hear me ... you're weak!"

His last words were shouted in Cloud's face but the cadet didn't even flinch, his eyes remaining locked with the soldier's throughout. The third class soldiers had never seen anything like it and were just beginning to panic, not knowing how to deal with the situation when a cool calm voice cut through the air.

"What is going on here?"

"Sir" the men chorused automatically, drawing themselves up to attention and forcing the blonde to do the same.

The soldier's responses were enough to pull Cloud from his enraged state and his head came round, away from Kane's, to glare at the new arrival through narrowed eyes. His gaze fell upon a man he didn't recognise, a man with dark hair tied back in a small ponytail and wearing a suite very much like Reno's only smarter.

"I asked a question." The stranger spoke evenly, clearly annoyed at not having it answered.

"Nothing sir, just a soldier matter sir," Kane responded flatly.

This response was clearly the wrong one as the new man's face darkened and Cloud saw something predatory dance within the eyes which looked upon them.

"I may not be a soldier but I am still your superior so you will answer my question."

"The cadet attacked the soldier sir." One of the third class soldiers quickly responded, hoping the answer would be enough. But it wasn't.

"Why?"

The soldiers suddenly froze as if afraid to answer the question, knowing exactly who the stranger was, realising the danger involved in disclosing the information he wanted. None of them could admit to what had really happened, because clearly the blonde had reacted to what they had been saying. They knew that if anyone else found out about what they had been discussing it would mean serious trouble, but they also knew it would be foolish to attempt lying to this man. The stranger seemed to sense this as well and suddenly focused his attention on the cadet.

"What is your name?"

Cloud's anger had been slowly fading away to be replaced by nervous fear and now that the unknown mans attention was on him he began to feel uneasy. But the cadet was not weak like Kane had said and he stilled himself against his enemies, drawing on every ounce of strength within him, and raised his head up to meet the man's eyes.

"Cadet Strife, Sir" he replied evenly, as the grip on his left arm tightened painfully.

"Good, I'm glad someone here understands how to answer questions and soldier I am aware of what you just did. If you continue to threaten the cadet like that I will have you demoted to janitor, do I make myself clear."

"Yes Sir."

"Good now let cadet Strife go."

"Sir?"

"Do not question me again," the cool voice breathed with deadly fire.

The resulting action involved Cloud being unceremoniously dumped on the floor as the men released him and moved a few steps back.

"You are to report to the infirmary and wait there until you are relieved, do you understand?"

"Sir, there's no need ..." Kane began to protest before he was cut off.

"Do you understand?" the cold voice demanded, its tone very clearly indicating the danger involved with not following the order.

"Sir, yes sir" the men chorused, before turning and heading towards the ShinRa building where the infirmary was located.

Cloud watched from his place on the ground as they walked past him, their looks clearly warning him to keep his mouth shut. He looked down at the ground and sighed inwardly suddenly feeling very tired, the weight of so much pressing down on him, while the taste of blood lingered in his mouth as a physical reminder of what they had said. The cadet was so lost in his thoughts that he had forgotten about the stranger who now stood looking down at him and jumped when the man unexpectedly spoke.

"Strife. You would be the boy that Reno was assigned to protect."

Cloud hesitated before nodding, his eyes coming up to meet with the strangers. The man watched with mild fascination as the blonde studied him, the young man clearly assessing the danger and trying to read him. He was also a little impressed that the cadet's eyes actually meet with his own, as part of this processes, the blonde clearly strong willed even in his low rank.

"Perhaps I should introduce myself," he offered holding out a hand. "My name is Tseng and I am Reno's superior."

Cloud didn't respond straight away and the Turk watched with interest as the cadet slowly picked himself up off the floor and brushed his hands against his trouser legs to clean some of the dirt off. He quickly noted that the blonde was stalling, that throughout the pretence of wiping his hands, the cadet was still weighing up the facts trying to decide if he could be trusted. Tseng inwardly smiled, it appeared that Reno's comments about the boy not being like the other cadet's was true.

There was a moment more of hesitation before Cloud took the offered limb and Tseng was pleased to note the strong confident hand shake he received, even thought it was clear from the cadet's physical state that he was still nervous.

"Cloud, Cloud Strife sir."

"Well Cloud, now that we have been formally introduced would you mind telling me where Reno is?"

Tseng watched as the cadet looked away nervously, clearly hesitating to answer in case he got the Turk into trouble.

"Cloud, Reno should have been here with you. As he is not I can only imagine that he is either unconscious, incapacitated or simply incompetent. I would much prefer to see him alive and well than have these options to consider."

"He's at Commander Hewley's apartment," Cloud informed the Turk nervously.

"Then I believe we should go there now, don't you?"

Cloud silently nodded in agreement and together they began to head towards the commander's living quarters. Neither of them spoke as they made their way, the Turk being too preoccupied with his thoughts concerning the situation and the cadet starting to feel the pain of his new injuries.

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**_(Big thank you to Riku-Aura777 for reviewing and letting me know about my poor punctuation. I went through it again have corrected some mistakes so hopefully I've fixed it now.)_**


	21. Chapter 21: History repeats itself

**I worked out why the chapter wasn't working for me and as a result have created another to accompany it. Hopefully they are both acceptable :o)**

**Read, enjoy and please review.**

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**History repeats itself**

"Reno move it!" Zack snapped as he watched the red head kicking his shoes on.

They had waited a little longer, given Cloud more time to return, but now all three were worried about the blonde's absence.

"I'm coming" Reno shouted back, hurrying across to where the soldier and commander stood ready to go.

A knock at the door made all three men jump slightly, even Angeal, and Zack hurried to open it thinking it was the cadet returning.

"Spiky, where the hell have you ..." His words died as he took in the bloody appearance of the blonde cadet and then the man behind him. "Tseng" he gasped softly recognising the head Turk instantly.

"Good morning Lieutenant Fair. You wouldn't happen to know where Reno is would you."

"I'm here," the Turk in question announced followed by "Oh Shit!" When he saw what Zack had seen.

"You had better come in." Angeal noted grimly.

A minute later and all of the men were occupying various places within the apartment while Cloud had been perched on a chair so that Zack could examine him and clean up the cuts and bruises.

"Who did this to you?" the soldier asked sternly as he offered Cloud an ice pack for his jaw.

"It happened during an altercation with a second class soldier and a couple of thirds" Tseng informed them after Cloud remained silent.

"And you dealt with them accordingly," Angeal asked cautiously.

"I ordered them all to the infirmary, the rest is up to you."

"The infirmary?" Reno choked out in surprise.

"That is correct."

"You are not supposed to cripple my soldiers." Angeal informed the Turk annoyed.

"I did nothing to your man, it was the cadet who attacked and injured one of your second class soldiers. The other two are simply there so I could make sure that they all stayed together."

"What?" Zack and Reno gasped together.

"Why?" was all Angeal said.

"That is what I would like to know, but have yet to find out." Tseng replied evenly.

Cloud squirmed in his seat as the heat of four pairs of eyes settled on his body and their questions began to suffocate him.

"Did you really attack a second class soldier?" Zack asked, his voice almost a whisper.

Cloud nodded in response, his body curling up in on itself a little more, and his eyes remaining focused on the floor.

"What caused the altercation?" Angeal asked evenly.

Cloud tensed and shifted some more, but remained silent.

"What did the other soldiers say?" Reno asked quickly, attempting to draw some of the attention away from the nervous cadet.

"They were also unwilling to discuss the matter. I believed that ... Cloud would have the courage to discuss it in private once they were not around to intimidate him anymore. It would seem that my earlier impressions of him are wrong and that he is indeed weak." Tseng replied evenly, knowing exactly how the blonde would respond to the comment.

"I'm not weak!" Cloud snapped a second before he caught himself and his lips slammed shut again.

This time when the men looked at the cadet they all saw the blue fire which burned brightly within his eyes and the shadows which danced around the edges of the flames. The sight was not new to Reno, having seen it the first time he met Cloud, nor was it new to Angeal who had seen it briefly on various occasions. The look was new to Tseng, having only seen it recently when he came across the boy, but as he didn't know the cadet it meant nothing to him. It was Zack who was affected the most by the sight, the one who felt his breath catch, as he suddenly understood what they had been trying to tell him.

"Cloud?" he gasped softly, as the surprise showed on his face.

"They ... said ... things." The cadet managed through gritted teeth as he looked away.

"What things?" Zack continued pulling himself back together again.

"Bad ... things."

"About you?"

They all watched as Cloud's breathing increased and his chest began to rise and fall quicker. As he began to shift restlessly in his seat and glance about as if looking for a means of escape.

"Cloud? Spiky? Look at me ... please." Zack begged gently.

Cloud's eyes came back to meet his and Zack had to hold back the shudder which ran up his spin. The cadet's eyes, which had been burning brightly only moments ago, were now dark blue like the ocean and filling with tears.

"They ... he ... said things."

"I got that, but what things?" Zack probed gently.

"They saw me ... I'm sorry .... I shouldn't have let them see me." Cloud blurted out, catching them all by surprise.

"See you?" Zack asked, completely thrown by the sudden outburst.

"When I ... left here. They ... saw me ... and they ... said .... that I ... and you ... and ... and ..."

Cloud was gasping for breath now, the air around him suddenly becoming too thin, as his heart raced in his chest. He leant forward holding one hand to his chest as he desperately fought to breath, as the world around him began to swim in colours and the sound of his blood pumping through his body pounded in his ears.

"Zack?" he cried out in panic and the soldier responded just as he had done before.

A second later and the commander and two Turks found themselves looking down at the soldier, who now sat leaning against the wall, the cadet positioned between his legs and resting against his chest. They watched as he held Cloud against his body, as the blonde's form shock and his gasping breaths sounded within the room, as the soldier used a calm and soothing voice encouraging him to breath. Cloud's eyes had closed under Zack' gently instruction to do so, knowing that the discomfort of the interrogation and been the cause of this attack.

"It's ok. Just focus on my breathing, that's it." he continued to sooth, his emphasised breaths encouraging Cloud's to follow the pattern.

It took a little longer this time, but soon the cadet was breathing better as he lay slumped against Zack's body. The soldier continued to rock Cloud gently, stroking the blonde's hair in a reassuring way until he was happy with the calmer breaths and steadier heart rate against his own.

"Ok?" he asked softly against the cadet's ear

Cloud nodded gently and snuggled himself in tighter against the soldier's embrace, trying to hide from everything and everyone else. He didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to say the things which were so wrong, didn't want to think about the possibility of them being true.

Because he still had his eyes closed Cloud didn't see the looks which the men shared, didn't hear the unspoken conversations which passed between their eyes. There was a history between these men, each having experienced something in the past which gave them cause for concern once again.

Just as Zack had been Angeal's pupil in soldier, Reno had been Tseng's within the Turk's. It was through their students that the commander and head Turk had developed more than just a working relationship, their shared mentoring experiences giving them more in common than simply being work colleagues for the same company. Both had seen the potential in their pupils from the start and both had been driven to despair by the pairs antics once they teamed up. The men could easily recall the number of times they had been proud as their student excelled and also the number of times they had been called upon to sort out a problem in relation to them as well.

What had drawn them together most though, was their shared dislike for the torment's their students had endured because of the mentoring. It was fortunate that Zack and Reno had found each other so early on in their training, that they had developed such a strong bond from their shared experiences. While both mentors had been hesitant of the friendship at first they had quickly seen how the boys unconsciously relied on each other as well as themselves, how the pair grew stronger from the brotherly bond and how the rumours had become easier for them to handle.

Over time most soldiers and Turks had grown to accept the situation for what it was, the rumours dying out as the boy's skills and abilities had shone through brightly. Zack and Reno had also grown more confident in themselves and anyone who had dared to question the mentor/pupil relationship had soon found themselves at the mercy of the pair. As a result they had also become more popular with their peers, the other cadets finding their combined schemes and resulting punishments quite entertaining to watch. As the soldier and young Turk had grown and progressed through the ranks the rumours had become things of the past, their names becoming well known and respected by all who knew them. But not all things stayed buried in the past.

Angeal and Tseng's eyes meet across the room and a concerned understanding was shared, their identical theories as to the cadet's troubles being reflected in their looks. Tseng nodded silently and Angeal nodded in thanks a second before he knelt down beside the cadet.

"Cloud, did the men say something ... personal about you and ... someone else?" he asked carefully.

Cloud shifted uncomfortably against Zack's body and whimpered burying his head deeper against the soldier's chest.

"Angeal" Zack warned gently as he continued to run fingers through the cadet's hair.

"I'm sorry, but I ... we need to know." Angeal apologised. He sighed heavily knowing he didn't want to ask, knew it was too sensitive an issue, but also knowing they had to be sure.

Zack drew in a deep breath knowing what was coming, he had after all been subject to these mini interrogations himself when he was training with Angeal. He knew what had happened, could feel it in his bones, but like Angeal he had to be sure.

"Did they talk about you in an ... intimate way?" Angeal asked as kindly as he could.

Cloud reaction was answer enough as the blonde began to sob in the soldier's arms, distraught over the entire incident, and Zack's eyes burned brightly as anger coursed through his body making the mako ignite in his veins.

"What did they say?" he breathed evenly against Cloud's ear drawing the cadet closer to his body.

"They said ... that we were ... that you and me ... Angeal and you ... and me ... they said ..." Cloud barely managed before his breathing began to turn into gasping sobs.

"Sssshhhhh, it's ok" Zack cooed softly once again rocking the cadet gently to calm him down.

"Gaia, doesn't anything change" Reno spat out in anger as he threw himself down on the sofa.

"It would appear not" Tseng agreed sadly.

"What do we do?" Zack asked fighting to keep his voice calm.

"For now Cloud should get some rest, this has clearly been a strenuous ordeal for him." Angeal pointed out as he rose from the floor. "Zack why don't you take Cloud into the spare bedroom and make sure he is comfortable while I make some tea."

Zack rose easily from his position on the floor and carried the blonde in bridal style into the room. He laid Cloud on the bed and managed to detach himself from the clinging arm's enough to pull the blankets up and over the cadet's trembling body.

"It's ok," he reassured, carefully moving his hand to rub gentle circles across the blondes back.

"I'm sorry" Cloud murmured against the pillow, his eyes still closed from before.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, that guy deserved whatever happened to him," the soldier informed the cadet evenly. "Beside, I'm kinda proud of you," he admitted letting a small smile form on his lips.

"Why? Cloud asked, his eyes opening so he could look up at the soldier.

"Spiky, you saved my butt, protected a small patrol group and attempted to take down a second Class soldier to protect my honour. Why wouldn't I be proud of you?" Zack declared, his voice filling with warmth and a small amount of amusement at the cadet's naivety of his accomplishments.

It was therefore as pleasant surprise when Cloud's face softened and a small smile graced his lips as well.

"He said that you ... slept with Angeal ... to get ahead in soldier." Cloud whispered, only half able to meet Zack's gaze as the words left his mouth.

"Kane right?" Zack sighed letting his body slip to the floor beside the bed.

Cloud nodded, his eyes glistening again, as he confirmed Zack's suspicions.

"Kane was ... is jealous of the opportunity Angeal gave me. He was the one who started those rumours years ago."

"Years ago?" Cloud breathed nervously.

"Yea. The guy thought he was better than me and was pretty upset when I was offered the chance to be Angeal's student. He figured it was because of something ... else."

"The man is a fool." Angeal commented as a way of announcing his presence in the room. "He has also not learnt from his past mistakes about starting such gossip."

Cloud sat up and shyly took the cup which was offered to him, the aroma of the tea already drifting through the room and making him feel calmer. The flavour was quite delicious and as the cadet sipped the warm liquid he instantly began to feel the soothing effects, as the tension began to ease and his body began to relax.

They let him finish the tea as they talked a little more about Zack's history with the other soldier and how it was not the first time this had happened. In a strange way the knowledge made Cloud feel a little better, or maybe it was because he was now too tired to worry about it. Zack retrieved the empty cup, smiling as the cadet tried to hide a yawn behind his hand.

"Come on," he said softly, as he gently pushed the blonde to lie back against the mattress. "You need to get some rest."

"Have I caused you a problem?" Cloud asked softly as he fought to keep his eyes open.

"No. Kane has just been looking for an excuse to get back at me and I'm sorry he chose you Spiky." Zack apologised sadly, as he tucked the blankets up around the cadet a little tighter.

"It's ok." Cloud breathed gently, his words becoming faint as sleep consumed him. "I can take care of myself."

"Yea, you sure can." Zack agreed laughing softly at the now sleeping form.

They waited for a minute to make sure he was resting peacefully before leaving the room and closing the door quietly to keep the noise out.

"How is he?" Reno asked as soon as they turned around.

"He's resting now, but its shaken him up a bit."

"Did I hear you mentioning a familiar name?" Tseng asked evenly.

"Yes. It would appear that the soldier is one I have dealt with before." Angeal replied looking frustrated.

"Perhaps some non soldier influence will help this time," the head Turk offered .

"That would be appreciated."

"So now what?" Zack asked looking between the men.

"Angeal and I will deal with your current problem, while you and Reno will remain here to watch over Cloud." Tseng informed the soldier evenly.

"Then what?" Reno asked.

"Then you and I are going to have a little talk about this matter." Tseng said calmly, his yes never leaving the red head's as he spoke.

"It is my fault that Reno was not present when this happened." Angeal spoke up, seeing the worry flash within the young Turk's eyes.

"Thank you for making me aware of this, but the fact remains that Reno had a job to do."

"It's ok" Reno interrupted before Angeal could respond. "Thanks for helping but I know I screwed up, it's ok."

Tseng sighed heavily as he took in the young Turk's dejected form and knew that the there was probably nothing he could say which the red head wasn't already feeling or thinking himself.

"Perhaps we can examine your schedule to assist with some of Cloud's training." The head Turk offered as way of a peace treaty.

"Really?" Reno gasped softly. "But I thought Turks and soldiers weren't supposed to train together."

"Since when did that stop you two?" Angeal asked laughing softly, glad at the change of atmosphere.

"You knew?" Zack gasped.

"Of course, but it helped your development so we allowed it."

"The kid's gonna be able to kick some serious butt once we're through with him." Reno announced happily.

"The cadet is already able to 'kick butt' as you so eloquently put it." Tseng pointed out to the red head. "What we need to do is help him develop the skills, as well as grow stronger and more confident. I witnessed his technique and it wasn't bad, a little off but still more than acceptable for a cadet.

"Zack and I have been working with him and he is also quite efficient with a sword as well," Angeal informed Tseng evenly.

"Don't forget his use of firearms, kids a great shot," Reno added quickly.

A silence filled the room as an unsettling thought crossed each of the men's minds, as each considered what had just been said and what it meant.

"Kid's becoming a fighting machine." Reno commented unhappily, as he shifted on his feet nervously.

"It would appear that he is able to defend himself quite efficiently," Angeal agreed.

"But I don't get it." Zack cut in clearly confused. "He ... what happened before. It was because they kept hurting him, kept beating him. If he could have defended himself, then why didn't he?"

"They didn't just hurt his body Zack, they crushed his spirit and he wasn't strong enough inside himself back then. You changed that, gave him a reason to live again and he came back fighting."

"But I also ... hurt him."

"I know you did pup and I know that's going to hurt for a while but he needs you. He has a lot of potential within him, even if he can't see it himself, but right now its unstable and he's drawing his strength from the wrong places."

"You mean that thing you and Reno keep talking about."

The commander and young Turk looked at each other questioningly, the same thought running through their heads.

"You saw it too?" Reno asked uncertainly.

"The shadow within him?"

"Yea, that's one way of describing it."

"Explain" Tseng ordered, not liking the way he was being left out of an important piece of information.

"I wasn't sure, thought it was just my imagination, but if Angeal saw it too then I guess it's real," Reno sighed.

"You mean the darkness in his eyes when he was angry before." Tseng questioned blatantly.

"Why was I the only one who didn't see this?" Zack whined, slumping onto the nearest sofa.

"Because you avoided him and because you couldn't see past his pain, couldn't see where he was getting his strength from." Angeal said, moving to kneel before the soldier.

"Great, Spiky needed me and I let him down again."

Zack felt a strong hand resting on his shoulder, the fingers tightening slightly to offer a reassuring touch. He looked up into Angeal's eyes and saw the worry reflected in them.

"He is here now and so are you, so don't make the same mistake again. Be his light in the darkness Zack, show him how to draw on something better in life, something stronger and worth living for." Angeal advised the soldier firmly, trying to keep his tone gentle.

"What happens if I can't, if it's already too late?" the soldier whispered fearfully.

"Then we will lose him to a place that he can never return from, a place within himself which is beyond our reach to save him, a place where only death may follow to claim him."


	22. Chapter 22: Moving forward

**Moving forward**

Angeal and Tseng were gone longer than planned which gave Zack and Reno more than enough time to go over everything that had happened and begin to worry about what was taking so long. They hadn't wasted any time after the other two had left and instantly began comparing schedules, both looking for opportunities to meet up and train Cloud together. After a while it had become apparent that the task wasn't going to be easy, unless Angeal and Tseng pulled some strings, and their shared thoughts had slipped into more personal contemplations. The Turk's mind became focused on what exactly would be his punishment, knowing full well that Tseng wasn't happy about the cadet's injuries while one of his men were supposed to be on the job. Meanwhile the soldier was once again troubled by Cloud's situation and the added problem that this incident could become. They were both so caught up in their internal musing that neither noticed the cadet until he was almost on top of them.

"Are you guys ok?"

"Holy shit!" Reno cried, nearly falling of the chair he was perched on.

"Damn it spiky, don't do that," Zack gasped holding a hand to his chest as his heart beat wildly.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," the cadet said looking embarrassed.

"You should not be able to startle them," a calm voice cut in and all three looked up to see Tseng standing in the room.

"Ok, I give up" Zack announced dramatically throwing his hands in the air. "It's official, I'm going to fail today's medical."

"What?" Cloud gasped in horror.

"Ignore him," Angeal advised the cadet giving the soldier a glare he deserved. "Zack has nothing to fear, as long as he pays attention."

"Angeal..." the soldier began before he was cut off.

"You are distracted Zack, that is the only reason you did not hear us. You have another hour before we are due at the labs, use that time to focus yourself."

"It would appear that you are also in need of focus Reno." Tseng said observing the Turk sternly.

"Sorry, but you gotta admit the kid's pretty good."

"I'm not a kid" Cloud replied evenly, before anyone else could comment.

The room feel into a strange silence as the four men looked at the cadet who now stood facing them, his confident poise while standing tall and eyes meeting theirs without hesitation. The head Turk once again found himself intrigued with the blonde and decided to make an offer which would perhaps prove to be interesting for all concerned.

"Cloud, would you like a tour of the Turk facilities?" Tseng asked, catching them all by surprise.

"Sir?" the blonde asked carefully.

"It makes sense. Zack and Angeal need to prepare and Reno must return with me, that will leave you here alone and we cannot have that. If you were to come with us it would give you a chance to explore more of the compound and who knows, we may even have time for you and Reno to spar a little."

"I ... I don't know" Cloud replied hesitantly looking at Zack.

"It's ok," the soldier responded to the cadet's worried look. "I don't mind if you go."

"It's not that I ... I wanted to go with you."

"You will not be allowed into the come with us," Angeal informed the blonde gently. "It may also go against Zack if you are there to distract him. It would be better if he knew you were somewhere safe."

"Alright." Cloud agreed without questioning it further.

They had gone their separate ways soon after that, with Cloud following the Turks back to their main building and Zack and Angeal making their way towards the science department. The soldier had taken the commander's advice and put all thoughts of the cadet to the back of his mind, knowing that any distraction right now would be a bad thing. It was only after the examination was finished and all had gone well that Zack asked about how the talk with Kane had gone. The conversation had been short as Angeal didn't want to discuss it in too much detail, but needless to say Kane would not be making himself a nuisance again and the thirds involved now knew better than to listen too or spread such gossip.

For once Zack hadn't felt the need to push the issue, he didn't really need to know what happened, as long as Cloud was going to be ok then nothing else really mattered. They had spent the rest of the afternoon in the VR room training in various combat situations and filling in the rest of Angeal's requirements for his assessment. By the time they had finished it was late into the evening and the soldier was keen to return home to his apartment and the blonde who would be there waiting for him. Angeal smiled brightly as they walked back through the compound, the day having ended better than it had begun.

"Will you be collecting your things now or later?"

"How did you know?" Zack asked in surprise, his eyes widening slightly.

"Call it intuition," the commander joked happily.

"I'm still that obvious huh?" the soldier replied blushing slightly.

"I would not have it any other way." Angeal reassured kindly as they reached their destination.

They said their farewells and agreed to meet for training at the gym in the morning, both knowing it was unnecessary but following the orders anyway. This time Zack had a key card to let him in and was instantly greeted by the smell of food cooking when he entered the apartment. His stomach growled as he kicked his boots off and made his way down the small corridor and into the living room. It was here that his heart fluttered, that the sight of Cloud looking all hot and bothered in the kitchen made him smile.

"Hey spiky, what's up?" he asked cheerfully.

"Your home." Cloud cried in delight, as he threw down the towel in his hands and ran forward to hold the soldier.

It wasn't the welcome Zack had been expecting, in fact it was better than what he had been anticipating and his heart soared as the cadet's arms went round his body.

"It's good to see you too." He informed the blonde, bringing his own arms up and around Cloud's shoulders to complete the embrace.

"I wasn't sure ... I hoped you would, but I ..." Cloud began, his voice shaking slightly as the words spilled out.

"So all this trouble you're going to ... is for me?" The soldier asked softly.

"Yes." Cloud replied, blushing and burying his head into the soldier's chest a little more.

"Well it smells great, when do we eat?"

"It's ready now. I wasn't sure if ... when you would be here."

"Well I'm here now so let's eat."

The meal was pretty impressive and Zack marvelled at the trouble Cloud had gone to, especially when he knew that the blonde hadn't even been sure if he would return. Their conversation had begun by focusing on how well Zack's session had gone and then the soldier had listened happily as the cadet recounted his time with Reno. It turned out that Cloud's day had actually been a hell of lot more interesting than his and Zack actually found himself a little jealous of what the blonde had got up to. He also suspected that Reno had bent some rules or at least pushed the limits with a few things and would have to thank the Turk at some point for making Clouds day so enjoyable.

"So you had a good time?" He asked, already knowing the answer, but still wanting to make sure.

"Yea, I did," Cloud replied smiling brightly.

Zack smiled back and took a sip of his drink watching curiously as Cloud's brow became furrowed and he seemed to be considered something deeply.

"Zack?"

"Yes," the soldier replied trying to hide his sudden unease.

"When can I go back to classes?"

"You think you're ready for that?" Zack asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.

"I'm not sure, but I ... I want to try." Cloud replied his face coming up to meet the soldier's gaze.

There was a moment of silence as Zack looked into the cadet's blue eyes and found himself searching for that shadow, that thing which had revealed itself to him earlier and now appeared to be hidden once more. He found himself debating the situation, the words and advice of Angeal combining with his own instincts to form a decision in his mind.

"Ok," he said slowly and watched as Cloud's body physically relaxed. "But I need to clear it with Angeal first and I'm going to be there for the first few days to make sure you're ok."

"That's fine." Cloud breathed happily.

"Spiky?"

"Yes."

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but why?"

"Why what?"

"Why the sudden need to go back, there's plenty of time."

"I want to go back, I can't keep hiding ... not anymore" Cloud said, his face a mixture of emotions.

"You're not hiding," Zack reassured gently.

"But it feels that way now. Before when ... when you found me I was ... I was lost and then I was angry, but now ... now I ... I need to face this Zack. If I don't it's never going to go away."

The soldier's breath caught in his throat as the cadet's words sunk in and his mind raced about what to say next, what question or comment would be safe to use in this moment of honesty between them.

"If you feel ready then we'll give it a go, but promise me you won't push yourself, that if they ... if it gets too much you'll tell me."

"I will." Cloud replied, his voice a hesitant whisper.

The rest of the evening passed calmly without another word about it being spoken and Zack wasn't sure whether to take comfort in that or not. It was for this reason that he still found himself awake at nearly midnight, the numbers on his clock laughing at him as they slowly counted the time. He sighed heavily as he rolled over once more, knowing that he needed to sleep or Angeal would be annoyed in the morning. It wasn't that he wouldn't be able to completely the training session, but his performance would be less than his best and that was not an option right now. He was just about to get up when he heard a soft knock at the bedroom door.

"Zack?" the cadet's voice whispered through the hard surface.

"Yea" the soldier replied, not even bothering to pretend that he was asleep.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure, what's up?" Zack asked as the door opened.

"I couldn't sleep." Cloud replied nervously.

"Me neither," he informed the cadet, smiling in amusement at their shared predicament. "So what's keeping you up then?"

"Things."

"Anything you want to talk about?"

Cloud shook his head, then stopped and looked away nervously before continuing.

"Did ... did Angeal and Tseng ... did they ..."

"Did they sort out Kane?" Zack asked guessing the cadet's worry.

Cloud nodded silently to show this was indeed the correct assumption.

"Didn't Tseng tell you about it?"

"No."

"It's been dealt with. I'm not sure of the details, but I trust Angeal and if he says it's taken care of then it is."

"Ok." Cloud said softly, accepting this without doubt.

"Is that what's bothering you?"

"Part of it."

"What else?"

"I was ... I ..."

"You ..." Zack coaxed gently.

"Could I ... sleep here?" Cloud suddenly asked, his voice hesitant and head bowed down unable to meet the soldier's eyes.

"Sure ... no worries" Zack replied caught by surprise at the request.

He quickly moved over on the bed and pulled the covers back, revealing a space for Cloud to take, and smiled as the blonde quickly climbed in and took a position just like the one he had before. Zack felt his heart flutter as Cloud moved back to lie against him, the blonde's delicate frame pressed against his chest, and curled into the warmth of his body. The soldier gently lowered his arms to wrap around the cadet and drew them closer together.

"This ok?" he whispered against the blonde's ear.

"Yes." Cloud sighed, snuggling himself deeper into the embrace.

A few minutes later and Zack could hear the faint sounds of Cloud sleeping, the blonde's chest now rising and falling gently within the comfort and safety of his arms. The soldier smiled to himself and closed his eyes, allowing the calm steady beat of the cadet's heart to guide his own. It wasn't long before both were sleeping peacefully, the hope of a new day awaiting them with the approaching sunrise.


	23. Chapter 23: Asking Angeal

**Firts of all my apologies for not updating sooner, I have had major writers block and these chapters just didn't want to make themselves work for me, sigh.**

**Anyway as you can see I've managed to complete them now and have added both as my way of saying sorry for making you wait so long.**

**Please enjoy and review :o)**

* * *

**Asking Angeal**

Angeal stole a quick glance at the timer in his hand, as the raven haired soldier completed the second section of the obstacle course. He smiled approvingly at the improved time and quickly recorded it before looking up once more.

"How's he doing?" A timid voice asked from the floor beside him.

"He is doing quite well." The commander replied, glancing down and giving the cadet a reassuring smile.

"That's good." Cloud said happily, his eyes never leaving the soldier's moving form.

Angeal's smile grew as he let his eyes travel back up to join Cloud's as they followed Zack, knowing there was another reason why the young soldier's performance was so good today. Things were clearly going well between the pair, he could see that easily enough, and the knowledge made him feel a sense of peace. He had to admit that at first he had been a little concerned about Zack moving back in, that perhaps it had been a bit too soon after everything else. However it had now been two days and both seemed comfortable around each other in a way that warmed his heart. There was also the added benefit of Zack's performance not only being back to normal but in fact even better than before, as if the young soldier had finally found a more solid focus in his life. Angeal noted the time as Zack completed the third section and began the last part of the course with a notable increase in his pace.

Zack could feel himself breathing a little harder and knew it was because he was pushing himself, the last stretch being the only thing between himself, Cloud and the end of today's training session with Angeal. He drew in a deep breath and gritted his teeth as he approached another pit and threw himself into the jump over it. The land was perfect and he was running again before his feet had barely touched the ground. He knew he was making good time, could feel it in his blood as it pumped furiously round his body, and smiled as the finishing line came into view.

"So how did I do?" Zack cried, a second after his feet crossed the end check point.

"Very well. You even cut twenty seconds off your old time."

"Alright! You hear that spiky I kicked that tracks butt." Zack cheered as he started a strange dance of triumph.

Cloud watched in amusement as the soldier continued to bounce around energetically, completely oblivious to Angeal's head shaking and grumbling comments about an over excited puppy. The blonde couldn't help but laugh when he heard the comment and although only a small chuckle escaped his mouth, concealed by a hand, the other two still managed to hear it. They both stopped what they were doing and looked towards the cadet in surprise, their faces displaying the same wide eyed expression.

"And what are you laughing?" Zack asked playfully.

"Nothing." Cloud replied, his eyes shining brightly.

"I'll show you nothing," the soldier declared a second before he pounced on the cadet.

Angeal watched in combined shock and amusement as the soldier proceeded to flatten the blonde against the floor and start tickling him without mercy. To his amazement Cloud didn't retaliate against the attack as he had initially feared but instead rolled up laughing almost hysterically, completely defenceless from Zack's assault.

"I know your weakness." The soldier cheered in delight, as Cloud continued to wriggle helplessly on the grass.

"Stop." The cadet pleaded between gasping breaths, as tears began to roll down his red face.

"Never!" Zack declared in joy, as another burst of laughter escaped the cadet.

"Zack, perhaps you should at least let him breathe." Angeal noted calmly, his concern for the blonde distracting him from the amusement of the situation.

"But Angeal, it's so much fun." Zack whined glancing up, as he continued to gleefully torture the blonde.

"It may not be as much fun if he is unconscious." The commander pointed out, deliberately looking down so that the soldier's eyes would follow his.

Zack's hands stopped instantly when he saw the dishevelled state of Cloud beneath him, the poor cadets' uniform in disarray from all the frantic movements and his face flushed as he lay gasping for breath.

"Oops, my bad." The soldier apologised with a chuckle, moving back to sit on his heels.

"It's ok." Cloud sighed happily, as he settled against the ground closing his eyes.

The soldier and commander watched quietly as the cadet focused his breathing and began to calm down, their concern for his health being washed away by the bright smile on his face. Zack looked up at Angeal and both smiled happily when their eyes connected, the same feeling of pleasure at the experience running through their veins.

"How you doing Spiky?" The soldier asked after a minute had passed.

"Good thanks." The cadet replied, opening his eyes to look up at them both.

"Do I even want to know how you found out he was so ticklish?" Angel asked, only slightly curious.

"No." Was the chorused reply, a second before both soldier and cadet started laughing again.

The commander watched the outcome of what was clearly a private joke and sighed heavily in mock exasperation at the pair.

"Sorry Angeal." Zack offered as he rose to his feet.

"It's not a problem, just try not to do that to him again in public. I do not think such a display would go down well with certain other members of staff."

"I'll try, but I can't promise anything." The soldier joked, as he offered a hand own to the blonde and pulled him to his feet.

"And who said you were going to get a chance to do it again." Cloud responded before Angeal could reply.

"Hey I'm a mako enhanced soldier Spiky, you don't stand a chance."

"That doesn't mean a thing."

"Umm, ok you do know that mako makes me stronger, faster ..."

"More big headed" Cloud interrupted evenly, his eyes glowing with amusement.

"Hey." Zack whined, at not only the cadet's cheeky comment but also the way Angeal had snorted a repressed laugh in response to it.

"Come on Zack, without the mako you wouldn't stand a chance of catching me."

"You're not that fast Spiky, even on my worst day I could still beat you at a race," the soldier stated firmly, his glowing eyes betraying the serious look he was trying to give.

"You want to bet?" Cloud challenged mischievously.

"How much?"

"Not how much, but for what."

"Oh I like this. Ok what did you have in mind?" Zack said, now completely focused on the challenge.

"How about a race round the obstacle course? If you win you get to choose the prize and if I win I get to chose." Cloud suggested evenly.

"No restrictions?" Zack enquired carefully. "Anything I want I get?"

"No, no restrictions, but don't assume you're going to win," the cadet teased, as he bent down to adjust his boot straps.

"I'm not sure about this." Angeal cut in before Zack could respond.

"Come on Angeal, it's just some fun," the soldier whined, giving his best puppy look.

"Gaia, why do I put up with you?" The commander sighed, caving in after looking into the pleading eyes for all of ten seconds.

"Cause you're the best." Zack cheered, as he bounced forward to playfully hug the older man.

"Do we have a deal then?" Cloud asked, as he watched Angeal gently shove Zack away and shake his head at the young soldier's excitement.

"Yep." Was the enthusiastic reply, as Zack followed Cloud to the starting line.

"I can't believe I am allowing this." Angeal mumbled, as the pair took up their positions.

"Don't worry it's a piece of cake." Zack replied, without looking back at the commander.

"For a soldier yes, but not for a cadet. You seem to have forgotten this is not part of their training." Angeal reminded him gently.

"Oh yea" Zack said, his confidence in the idea slipping a little.

"I can do this." Cloud interrupted quickly, before the soldier changed his mind.

"I don't know Spiky, it's a pretty rough track."

"Fine then you stay here and when I'm done I get to choose my prize." The cadet said evenly, as he turned his gaze away from the soldier's and towards the course ahead.

"Spiky .."

"Ready?" Cloud began.

"Spiky I don't ..."

"Steady," the cadet continued as he tensed his body.

"Cloud it's ..."

"Go!" Cloud shouted a second before he was gone and moving along the track.

The words died in Zack's mouth and he blinked in surprise as the cadet suddenly took off, the blonde's legs carrying him along the first stretch at a speed which the soldier had not expected.

"He's going to win if you just stand there." Angeal observed without looking over, his eyes instead focused on Cloud's progress.

"Not a chance." The soldier declared, smiling brightly as he began to chase after the cadet.

The commander chuckled softly as Zack quickly covered the first stretch and advanced on the blonde's position, the soldier's body moving easily over the familiar course. Angeal turned his attention back to Cloud as he approached the first set of obstacles and was quite impressed when the cadet moved over the balance beams with graceful ease. He continued to watch the blonde's movements as the first and second sections of the course were completed, each time stealing a quick glance at the timer in his hands and noting the numbers displayed.

Zack grinned wildly as he caught up with Cloud at the start of the second section, slightly pleased that the cadet's progress along the track seemed to be going smoothly.

"You're pretty good." He shouted, as he drew up alongside the blonde.

"You're not bad yourself." Cloud shouted back, as he braced himself for the next obstacle.

Zack let out a whooping cheer as he hit the ropes at the same time as Cloud, their bodies swinging across the gap to the other side for a synchronised landing. He knew that if he wanted to he could easily win at this point, all he needed to do was put a little bit more speed into his run. But Zack was enjoying this little game they had going and decided it would be more fun to run with Cloud for a bit, at least until near the end when he would leave the cadet eating his dust. As a result they began the third section together and once again he found himself impressed by the way the blonde completed the various segments.

"Hey Spiky, you seem to know this track pretty well." He called over, as they both jumped over a series of beams.

Cloud didn't reply to the comment, instead saving his breath for completing the various obstacles in front of him, his mind racing to find a way to get the solider to slip up. Zack and Angeal had only been half right about the difficulty of the course, but just because it wasn't designed for cadets didn't mean he couldn't do it. The soldier had caught up with him easily enough and he wasn't surprised that Zack had chosen to run alongside him, it was after all what Cloud had been counting on. The problem now was finding a way to slow the soldier down or distract him so that he wouldn't be able to run off near the end.

"So Spiky I was thinking when I win I might get you to be my slave for the day. " Zack teased, as they entered the final section. "You know get you to cook, clean, do all the house work for me."

Cloud smiled but didn't reply, his mind already focused on a way to use this conversation to his advantage. It was a great idea but it required Zack to continue the subject a little longer and the perfect timing for his own response. The last obstacle came into view and the cadet grinned wildly as they approached it, the soldier's laid back behaviour giving him confidence in the desperate attempt he was going to make at winning this race.

"Nearly there Spiky." Zack teased, as he saw the end in sight. "Looks like I'm gonna have a tidy apartment after this."

"Shame." Cloud gasped between breaths, as he focused himself for the last jump before the final stretch. "I was gonna ask you to kiss me again."

A second later and two things happened at once. The first being the flawless jump being made by a cadet over the pit, as he landed on the other side and continued to run the track. The other was the rather unceremoniously landing of a soldier as he fell head first into the ditch after missing the edge completely.

Angeal didn't know what had happened to make Zack suddenly miss his footing like that, but whatever it was must have caught the soldier by surprise based on his expression before disappearing out of sight into the hole. The commander couldn't help but burst out laughing and only just remembered to record the finishing time as Cloud crossed line and flopped to the floor drawing in deep breaths. He was still laughing when Zack appeared and the young soldier's flustered expression only added to the humour of the situation.

Zack watched in amazement as the normally reserved and controlled Angeal sunk to one knee on the floor, his old mentor so breathless from laughing that he couldn't stand properly. This was something he had never seen before. Sure Angeal had laughed and chuckled about things he had said or done, but he had never really seen the commander let go like this.

"Not that I don't enjoy making you guys laugh, but you know that's cheating right," he stated evenly at the blonde at his feet.

"I'm sorry, but I had too." Cloud gasped, as his body fought to laugh and regain precious air at the same time.

"What did you say to him?" Angeal asked, as he finally regained control of his breathing.

"It doesn't matter." Zack cut in quickly, his face blushing slightly.

The commander glanced up questioningly, but upon seeing the soldier's embarrassment decided not to push the issue.

"Well however you managed it you still won so congratulations." Angeal said, smiling brightly at Cloud.

"Thanks."

"I do have another question though," the commander hesitated to add.

"Ok." Cloud replied, looking up as Angeal rose to his feet again.

"How do you know the track so well? It is not something cadet's train on yet you seemed to know it by heart."

"I run it a lot." Cloud admitted casually, knowing that both men were aware of his night time adventures.

"You run that thing at night." Zack gasped, his eyes widening in surprise.

"Yes." The cadet replied nervously, as the soldier and commander's faces became serious.

"Spiky it's dangerous."

"It's fine," Cloud protested weakly.

"No it's not, what if you got hurt?" Zack argued, meeting the cadet's eyes, his worry very clear to see.

"Not even soldiers are permitted to use the course at night and they have enhanced vision." Angeal added grimly.

"It's not like I can use it any other time." Cloud sighed, looking away from them both.

"Once you have completed your soldier exams and become a third you can use it any time you like."

"That would involve me going back to cadet classes first." Cloud reminded them both evenly.

The commander looked away from the blonde's wilful expression and glanced over at the soldier, who still appeared to be torn between them on the issue. They had already talked about this yesterday and while Zack seemed cautiously willing to let Cloud go back to classes Angeal was still unsure.

"I have already explained my concerns," he replied meeting Cloud's glare with one of his own.

"What about if Cloud can get through the rest of this week with me?" Zack offered quickly, his unease at the tension forming between the cadet and commander making his stomach unsettled.

"In what way?" Angeal asked hesitantly.

"Well I have to do all these things to prove I'm fit for duty, so what about if Cloud does them as well? What if he's given the same opportunity to prove himself? I mean he did the obstacle course easily enough, so why not the rest of it?"

"I'm not sure," the commander began doubtfully.

"Come on Angeal, he's training with us anyway so you might as well give him a chance. What could it hurt?"

This time when the commander looked over at the soldier he was meet by not only Zack's puppy expression in full effect, but also the fierce determination shining in bright blue eyes of the cadet now standing next to him.

"Fine," he sighed, shaking his head in disbelief at his own words. "Cloud you can have the same chance that Zack is getting."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," the commander warned firmly. "I didn't say it was going to be easy."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Cloud replied evenly, his eyes never leaving Angeal's as he spoke.

"Great, now that's sorted, are we done for the day?" Zack asked, completely oblivious to the silent conversation going on between the men beside him.

"Yes, I believe we have done enough for today. I will see you both early tomorrow in the gym, bring your swords."

"No problem, see you then." Zack called, already moving away with a notable bounce in his step.

Cloud waited a second longer, nodding a silent thanks to the commander before hurrying to catch up with the soldier. Angeal watched the pair walk away and waited until they were out of sight before glancing down at the times recorded on his clipboard. Zack's improvement was good and although unexpected was not a surprise to the commander. Cloud's times however were a shock, the impressive performance and speed leaving Angeal amazed and if he was honest a little speechless. Something about this knowledge bothered the commander and instead of heading back towards his own apartment he found himself heading in a different direction. There was someone he wanted to talk to and he knew exactly where to find them.


	24. Chapter 24: New feelings

**New feelings**

Zack was awake before the alarm had even gone off that morning, his mind already racing over what they had planned for the day. He looked down at the blonde in his arms and smiled happily at the feel of the cadet's warm body against his own, at least he did until another feeling began to make the close proximity to Cloud a little awkward. Carefully not to wake the peacefully sleeping form, Zack slid his arms free of the embrace and quickly got up, grabbing a clean towel on his way to the bathroom.

A cold shower later and the soldier found himself sitting at the small table in his apartment, his body now a little more under control. He gently moved the cup in his hands, swirling the coffee within it, savouring the smell as it wafted towards him. The liquid was still too hot to drink, but at least the pleasant aroma was helping to warm him again after such a necessary drenching. Zack shivered in response to the experience, the chill reinforcing his distaste for cold showers, hating how the icy water could bite down on his skin right through to the bone. He sighed softly, accepting that it had been unavoidable, knowing that the last thing he had wanted was for Cloud to wake up and find the person he trusted poking him in the back with rather private parts of their anatomy. Even if it was the blondes fault for starting those kinds of thoughts and feelings in the first place.

Zack couldn't help but smile as his eyes travelled up to look at the closed bedroom door and consider who was on the other side, the development of their new sleeping arrangement stirring something deep within him and causing a warm feeling to spread through his chest. They had woken that first morning still held tightly in each other's arms, the embrace and positions of their bodies pressed together perfectly, as if they were somehow two halves of the same whole. The morning routine hadn't been uncomfortable, nor had their discussions been awkward, yet neither addressed the issue itself. Cloud had been silent for most of the day as the soldier trained, always appearing deep in thought when he was sitting alone and not joining in.

As the day had progressed Zack had begun to worry, his concern about the cadet slowly growing, a little voice nagging in his head that perhaps Cloud only needed the comfort that one time and wouldn't need it again. In a vain attempt to ignore how the idea of losing that closeness to the blonde was making his heart ache, he had thrown himself into his work with Angeal and focused all of his attention on the challenges set. The soldier smiled as he recalled the memory of that second night, as he had lain awake on his bed feeling as if something were missing, how once again the cadet had come to his room and made the same request. Neither had spoken as Cloud climbed into the bed curling up against the soldier's body and snuggling into the embrace, their actions saying more than words ever could. And that was how it had begun, their nights no longer spent apart in separate rooms, but together sharing the same bed.

The soldier sighed as he realised that things were changing between them now, that the innocence of their sleeping together was beginning to have an effect on his body. The memory of Cloud's comment about being kissed again popped into his head and Zack was pretty sure that this was the trigger for his now embarrassing responses to the blonde's presence. It was is if the cadet had flicked a switch in Zack's body, giving permission for these feelings to be felt, allowing for these emotions to surface freely. But the soldier was unwilling to let Cloud know about them yet, not ready to potentially ruin their tender embraces with other more heated needs. It was because of their previous ups and downs the he had chosen to keep things simple, to make sure that any progress in their relationship was made when Cloud was ready for it. Zack knew he couldn't erase the past, couldn't undo all the things which had gone wrong between them, but he could make sure as hell it didn't happen again.

He was so lost in thought that he jumped slightly when the bedroom door opened and couldn't help but let out a small squeak at the surprise. The reaction brought a small smile to the cadet's lips and he laughed softly making Zack's heart flutter.

"Hey." He greeted the cadet with another squeak, then coughed to clear his throat as a faint blush crept over his features.

"Hey." Cloud replied hesitantly, his smile faltering slightly.

Zack shifted in his seat as Cloud's gaze became questioning and felt his embarrassment slip to be replaced with a sense of worry.

"What's wrong?"

"It's like ... like before." Cloud mumbled softly, his voice trembling slightly.

"Like before, how?" Zack asked feeling confused and hearing an alarm bell ringing in his head.

"You were sitting quietly and then I surprised you and then ..."

"Oh Gaia no, it's nothing like that." Zack stammered already moving from the chair and wrapping his arms tightly around Cloud's body. "I have no doubts about any of this, please don't think that I do." He begged softly against the cadet's head, as he realised what memory had stirred in the blondes' mind.

"Are you sure?" Cloud whispered against his chest, the words laced with fear.

"I know it looked bad, but I swear I was just thinking about things ... about us."

"What ... things?"

"Things which I'll tell you about in time, but not now. Ok?"

"Why, are they ... bad things?"

"Gaia, no!" Zack gasped, pulling away so he could look into Cloud's eyes. "I just don't want to ... You don't need to ... worry about it right now, not that you need to worry about it at all, but ..."

The soldier's words trailed off as he realised he was now rambling and that Cloud's face was becoming even more confused and, Gaia help him, even more determined to find out what the soldier was hiding.

"Zack, talk to me."

"It's ok, really...""

"What were you thinking about just now?" Cloud demanded, his tone clearly indicating he wasn't about to give up.

"You're not going to let this drop are you?"

"No."

"If I tell you I don't want you to get embarrassed and run away, ok?"

"Why would I ..." Cloud began, already pulling away from the soldier.

"Ok?" Zack interrupted, cutting off the words and firmly meeting Cloud's eyes with his own.

"Ok." The cadet agreed nervously, a strange fluttering developing in his stomach.

"I was thinking about what you said yesterday on the track."

"You were?" Cloud breathed nervously.

"Yea, I was." Zack admitted smiling gently, his eyes softening to show Cloud that he wasn't trying to hide anything. "It surprised me, but in a good way."

"I wasn't sure if ... if you would ... if you wanted to ..." The cadet stammered, his voice shaking slightly.

"You didn't think I wanted kiss you?" Zack asked a little taken back by the suggestion. "Why would you think that?"

"We haven't .... since that time and I thought maybe ... because it had ended badly..." Cloud mumbled trying to explain himself.

"And here I was worried about rushing you," the soldier laughed softly.

"Really?" The cadet gasped in surprise.

"Sure. I felt bad after screwing up your first kiss and I didn't want to ruin the next one by pushing you if you weren't ready."

"So me sleeping in your bed wasn't a big enough hint?" Cloud whispered nervously at the confession.

"I was just happy to have you there beside me. I guess I didn't see it that way." The soldier admitted, blushing slightly at his own naivety.

The words had barely left his mouth when it was covered by the soft, warm, caress of Cloud's lips pressed against his own. The soldier's eyes widened slightly in surprise, his breath catching in his throat, and his body momentarily frozen in place by the unexpected reaction from the cadet. It was only when he focused on the blonde's delicate features and realised blue eyes were hidden behind closed lids that he allowed his own to slide shut.

The kiss was soft and gentle as Cloud's lip's moved nervously against his own and once again Zack was amazed at the cadet's courage for making the first move. However much he wanted it, however strong the desire to take this further coursed through him, the soldier didn't push for more. Instead he let himself be consumed by the warmth which was steadily building deep within him, feeling his heart beat that little bit faster in his chest. It only lasted a few seconds, but to Zack it could have lasted hours. It took his dazed mind several seconds to realise that the kiss had ended and he opened his eyes to meet bright blue orbs glowing in front of him.

"Wow." He breathed softly, taking in the blonde's hesitant but happy expression.

He brought his arms up to draw Cloud closer against his body and it wasn't until the cadet physically relaxed into the hold that the soldier realised how tense the blonde had actually been.

"Hey, you ok?" Zack asked gently, adjusting his body so he could look down at the cadet's face without letting go.

"Yes," was the slightly muffled reply.

"Look at me, please."

The body in his arms shifted slightly and a blonde head of hair moved back to reveal crystal blue eyes looking up at him so intently, that Zack's heart actually skipped a beat.

"I'm not expecting anything from you, I need you to know that." The soldier said evenly, his eyes never leaving the cadet's. "I ... I'm not going to rush this thing between us, you're too important to me to risk it, but if ... if there's anything you want to ask me."

"I feel ... things." Cloud admitted softly, his eyes glancing down self-consciously.

"Good things?" Zack asked hopefully.

"Yea, but it's ... I'm not used to ... I don't know how ..."

"It's all new to you, right?" the soldier asked gently understanding the missing words of the broken sentence easily.

"I'm sorry." The cadet replied, burying his head against Zack's chest once more.

"Don't be sorry, just be honest." The soldier reassured gently.

"Zack I've ... I've never..." Cloud began hesitantly, before the sound of a phone ringing cut him off.

"Damn it," Zack swore softly. "Sorry I've got to get that in case it's Angeal." He apologised, pulling away from the cadet to retrieve his phone from the dining table.

Had he looked at the display the soldier would have noticed the caller's ID and left the phone to ring, but his mixed emotions didn't allow this thought to register until it was too late.

"Fair speaking." he answered instinctively. "Oh, hey Reno," he responded in surprise to the Turk's voice. "No I didn't realise it was you, ... yea I guess I should have checked caller ID, ... no its ok go ahead."

Cloud watched as Zack scratched the back of his head becoming caught up in the conversation with Reno and decided their discussion would have to wait a little longer. He waved gently to get the soldier's attention and pointed towards the bathroom to indicate he was going to shower. Their eyes met for a moment and the soldier responded with a nod of his head, an apologetic look on his face, a second before verbally apologised to the Turk for missing something that had been said.

A quick glance at the clock in the living room let Cloud know he had about an hour before they had to leave to meet Angeal, so he showered and dressed quickly. Zack was finished on the phone and had breakfast ready when he emerged from the bed room, the soldier now wearing his uniform as well.

"I hope toast is ok, it's all we've got time for." Zack joked, as he tossed a slice to the cadet.

"It's fine." Cloud replied happily before taking a bite.

"You got your sword?"

"It's by the door ready to go."

"Good, come on then." Zack declared, grabbing the remaining pieces of breakfast and shoving some of it into the cadet's open palms.

They headed out the door with swords strapped to their backs and a piece of toast in each hand, ready to face the day ahead. Cloud smiled as he walked along eating the slightly burnt bread, his eyes constantly glancing over at Zack and watching as the soldier chewed on his own rushed meal. Their pace was quick but not rushed as they hurried through the compound and both sighed in relief when they found that Angeal was not already there and waiting for them.

"So what do we do now?" Cloud asked looking around uncertainly.

"We get warmed up, that way we can get started sooner and Angeal can't moan at us for wasting time." Zack replied smiling brightly.

"Ok" Cloud agreed, knowing that he wanted to make a good impression on the commander.

Angeal arrived a little later than planned, due to a report he had to follow up on, and had been worried that the pair would have been left waiting. He was therefore very pleased to see both soldier and cadet slight hot and bothered from a sparring session, which had ensued after their warm up. He stood to one side and watched as Cloud blocked one of Zack's blows and retaliated with a well aimed returning strike to the soldier's chest. The commander nodded to himself in approval, as the soldier dodged the blow, and noted that perhaps Zack had been right to make this request. The tasks would not only give him a better assessment of Zack's overall abilities, but also a chance to observe the cadet's as well. If Cloud was capable of completing the various challenges over the next few days then Angeal would happily agree to let him go back to classes.


	25. Chapter 25: Fit for duty

**Sorry for the delay in updating but I got a little distracted with writing 'The healing process'. Anyway here are two more chapters which I hope you enjoy.**

**Please remember to review.**

* * *

**Fit for duty**

When Angeal had said it wasn't going to be easy he had meant it, the commander making sure that both soldier and cadet worked right up until the final part of their training. Zack had been prepared for it, knowing they would be challenged at every opportunity, but poor Cloud had nerve felt anything like it. The blonde's body had protested the abuse being forced upon it and he was barely able to stay awake to eat the dinner Zack had prepared that evening.

The next day wasn't much better, but a hot shower and good nights sleep had helped to refresh the cadet and once again he gave it everything he had. Zack looked on with pride as Cloud completed the tasks assigned, the blonde's strong will and determination shining brightly as he demonstrated his true abilities. The soldier had to admit that there were times when he had worried slightly, especially during the combat situations in the VR training room, but each time the cadet had risen to the challenge and easily proven himself. Angeal was also pleased with the progress being made, his assessment of Zack taking a back seat as he became more focused on Cloud's performance. Had either boy looked at his clipboard they would have seen that most of the notes now referred to the cadet's skill and technique rather than the soldier's. Once again Cloud had barely finished his meal before sleep carried him away that night and Zack could only smile as he settled them both down in the bed. His arms taking their rightful place around the blonde as he lay down beside him.

On the last day they had started early, with both endurance and stamina based activities being completed. Combat had followed, with Angeal assessing their performance in both hand to hand and sword based scenarios. They had been allowed a brief rest for lunch, which Cloud had needed even if he pretended otherwise, then continued on until nearly three in the afternoon. It was at this point that the cadet's day had come to an end, with the soldier and commander dropping him off at home before heading off to Zack's last physical examine before he was given the all clear.

They had both returned a few hours late to find the blonde asleep on the sofa, an open textbook balanced on his knees as he lay slumped against the arm rest. Angeal quickly noted Cloud's exhausted appearance and decided that perhaps he had pushed the cadet a little too hard, or more to the point he had allowed the blonde to push himself too hard.

"He's going to get a back ache sleeping like that." Angeal whispered.

"Yea." Zack agreed softly, smiling down at the peaceful expression on Cloud's face.

"We should probably move him." The commander suggested, looking over and catching Zack's distant gaze.

"Huh?" The soldier replied, his mind having missed the comment altogether.

"You should get him to bed, he clearly needs to rest. In fact it might be a good idea for you to get an early night as well."

"I'm fine." Zack laughed softly, raising his face to look at Angeal.

"Maybe, but it's been a long week for both of you. It couldn't hurt."

"Ok, no wild parties, I promise." The soldier joked softly, his eyes once more straying towards Cloud.

Angeal allowed a small chuckle of his own to mix with Zack's before turning and making his way from the apartment. He stopped in the door way as the soldier approached to see him out.

"Tell Cloud I will make arrangements for him to start classes again on Monday."

"Thanks, he'll be glad to hear that."

"It's going to be tough on him Zack, the other cadets know about ... well they know a lot. I'm not sure how they are going to react around him."

"I guessed that might happen. Could I ... maybe ... stay with him the first few days, sort of keep an eye on him?"

"I can't allow you to be his bodyguard, but I'm sure we can work something out so that you happen to be passing by as he comes and goes."

"Thanks Angeal."

"You're welcome, now go get some rest."

"Yes mum." Zack whined playfully, rolling his eyes at the commander.

Angeal Smiled at the soldier's expression and walked away, his warm laughter filling the corridor as Zack closed the door behind him.

"Ok Spiky." He said returning to the living room and crouching down beside the sleeping blonde. "Time to get you to bed."

Zack carefully removed the book from Cloud's grip, placing it safely on the coffee table, before gently sliding his arms under the cadet's body and lifting him up. The angle had been a little awkward but he managed to stand without disturbing the blonde and felt a warmth spread through his chest as he felt the smaller body now held tightly against his own. The soldier moved slowly towards the bedroom, his eyes never leaving the cadet's delicate features as he gently lowered the sleeping form onto the soft mattress.

Thankfully Cloud had already changed out of his uniform before falling asleep, so Zack didn't have to worry about disturbing him now. The soldier lowered himself down to kneel beside the sleeping figure, as he carefully pulled the blankets up to cover the cadet's body. A gentle breath escaped his lips, the warm air drifting over the blonde, and causing some of the cadet's hair to shift and resettle over his face. An amused curve appeared on Zack's mouth as he watched the fine strands dance over Cloud's pale skin and tickle the blonde's nose, the cadet's face screwing up slightly as he reacted to the light touch even in his sleep. His fingers had barely moved the hair out of the way when Cloud's eyes fluttered open and sleepy blue orbs look up to his own violet eyes.

"Hey." Zack whispered, repeating the gentle caress against Cloud's forehead and smiling when the cadet lent into the touch.

"Hey." Cloud replied, his voice still thick from a deep sleep.

"I'm gonna let you rest for a bit. I'll wake you when dinner's ready." He said, already moving back to stand up.

"Stay, please." The cadet asked hopefully, his hand coming out from beneath the blanket to catch the soldier's before he could walk away.

"Ok" Zack replied, Cloud's innocent and adorable expression making it hard to refuse such a simple request.

Smiling down at the cadet once more he moved back to remove his harness and shoulder pads, carefully lowering them to the floor so they wouldn't make too much noise. The soldier had planned on going straight back to the living room and leaving the blonde to sleep, but now he would stay for a bit and wait for Cloud to drift off again first. The cadet had already moved over making room for the soldier and Zack quickly slid onto the bed, carefully pulling the blanket up and over them both. Cloud's body automatically shifted back until it was pressed firmly against Zack's front and the soldier hummed in approval as his arms wrapped around the cadet's torso, pulling the warm body tighter against his own. It wasn't long before the steady rise and fall of Cloud's chest indicated that he was once again asleep, the dream filled state having never been far away while they had briefly talked. The solder's plan to leave had quickly been discarded in preference for the new position he found himself in, the feel of the cadet's warm body and gentle breaths starting to draw Zack into his own dream like state.

It was several hours later when Zack opened his eyes and realised that not only was it now night, but also that the bed where Cloud should have been was empty. He stretched out his body, trying to work out the kinks from his aching muscles and yawned softly. His mind registering the blonde's absence from the bedroom and his senses easily picking up the sound of someone moving about in the living room behind the closed door. He rose from the bed and made his way out of the room, looking around the apartment for Cloud and squinting slightly as his eyes adjusted to the bright light coming from the kitchen area. He quickly found the cadet sitting curled up on the sofa with something in his hands and instantly guessed it was the textbook again.

"How long have you been up?" He asked, moving further into the room.

"I little while." Cloud replied, turning round to look over at the soldier. "I didn't wake you did I?"

"Nah I think my stomach did that for you." Zack joked, rubbing the mentioned body part as it rumbled again.

"I see." Cloud laughed, turning back to the book in his hands.

"You want something to eat?" He asked, the words becoming muffled by a yawn.

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

"Uuummm, let's see."

Cloud laughed softly to himself as Zack became lost in his own thoughts while searching through the cupboards for a suitable meal option. A few minutes later and the soldier was preparing something in the kitchen, his mind focused on the task of cooking a late supper and momentarily distracted from the blonde who continued to study.

"Ok, food's ready." Zack announced twenty minutes later, the smell of something quite appetising accompanying his words.

"Great, I just finished that chapter anyway." Cloud responded, closing the book and heading over to sit at the table.

"You know you should probably take a break from all that." Zack commented, tilting his head towards the book as he settled two plates on the small dining table.

"I need to make sure I haven't missed anything." Cloud replied, a second before he began eating.

"Yea, but I seriously think you're ahead of the classes now. There's no way they have covered as much as you have." Zack informed him evenly, before digging in as well.

"Maybe, but I'd rather be ready."

"So that's what got you up?"

"Yes. I wanted to finish the section I was reading before you got home."

"It must have been really interesting based on how out of it you were." Zack teased, enjoying the look he received from the cadet.

"I was tired, so sue me." Cloud replied lightly, his smile showing that he was enjoying the banter between them as they ate.

"Well Angeal gave orders that we were to rest up tomorrow so we wouldn't be too tired for Monday." The soldier informed the blonde casually, watching out the corner of his eye for the cadet's reaction.

"He ... did? Then ... I can ... go back?" Cloud managed, as the realisation of the words took hold.

"Yep, as of today we are both fit for duty." Zack announced happily, his eyes glowing brightly at the knowledge.

"Will you ... be there?" The cadet asked nervously,

"Sort of." Zack admitted gently. "Angeal doesn't think it's a good idea to smoother you, but he's gonna make sure I pass by so that we meet as you're changing classes."

"If you ... think that's ... best." Cloud stammered, his hand now shaking slightly so that the food balanced on the fork fell back onto the plate.

"Hey, it's ok." Zack soothed gently, quickly taking Cloud's hands in his own and holding them tightly.

Cloud didn't respond with words, his voice getting stuck somewhere in the back of his throat as he fought the rising panic which was steadily growing. Zack quickly left his chair and moved to kneel beside the cadet's chair, wrapping his arms tenderly around the trembling form.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly

"I'm going back." Cloud whispered in response

"I thought you wanted that."

"I did ... I do ... but ..."

"But now it's actually happening it's freaking you out." Zack concluded, drawing back to meet Cloud's eyes.

Cloud nodded silently while chewing nervously on his bottom lip, the soft flesh darkening as teethed were dragged across it.

"Hey." Zack soothed, placing a finger on the cadet's mouth to stop the unconscious abuse to the delicate skin. "You gonna hurt yourself."

Cloud's breath hitched at the contact and this time when the soldier looked into the cadet's eyes, he saw something else now flickering within the sky blue jewels before him. Zack looked deep into the glowing orbs and saw the heat stirring within them, knowing that it was his touch which had affected Cloud like this.

"You ... ok?" He breathed, his own body now responding to the sudden intimacy between them.

"Yes." Cloud whispered, his lips moving against the single digit pressed over them and causing it to trace along the sensitive flesh.

The action had an immediate effect on Zack's body, his mouth suddenly going dry and his heart beating a little faster in his chest. The soldier's hand began to tremble as he moved it to gently cup the cadet's jaw, his thumb replacing his finger on the blonde's lips so that the other fingers could move together to brush against the soft skin of Cloud's cheek. He watched as the cadet lent into the touch, gently nuzzling the palm of his hand, the blonde's eye lids fluttering closed as he relaxed under the gently caress. A small gasp escaped Zack's lips as Cloud sighed happily, a warm breathe escaping the soft lips and travelling down over his arm causing goose bumps to form along the skin. The sensation didn't stop there and the soldier found himself breathing a little faster as he felt the tingling rush spread throughout his entire body.

Cloud felt a warmth building within his chest, the bright glow quickly spreading through his body, as he felt Zack slowly drawing his face forward. The cadet's heart skip a beat as the air against his lips became warm, the gentle caress of heated breaths indicating that the soldier's face was now almost touching his own. Cloud waited for a brief moment to see if Zack would close the gap between them, to see if this time the soldier would be the one to make the first move. He almost cried out in joy as gentle lips pressed down against his own, as Zack carefully moved their mouths together in sensual motions which made his lower body tighten. A second later and the soldier was licking a teasing line across the seam of his mouth, silently asking permission to take the kiss further and explore inside. Cloud willingly parted his lips and moaned softly as Zack's tongue slowly entered and began to play against his own, the gentle caresses of the warm muscle sending heat through his veins.

Zack felt the soft vibrations of the moan as it escaped Cloud's body, the sound not only being a joy to hear but also to feel as it passed over his own lips. He deepened the kiss and allowed his own pleasure to be heard as the taste of the cadet began to fill his senses. He moved forward slightly on his knees, pushing their bodies closer together and felt Cloud respond by also moving forward. The new position put the cadet's legs on either side of his waist, the blonde's legs spreading wider as their chests became pressed together. Zack had a moment to realise that his over excited body was about to connect with a rather private part of Cloud's and stopped himself. His instinctive reaction was to pull back from the kiss, their lips breaking apart and leaving him gasping in a deep breath.

Unfortunately Cloud had just begun to lean further into the kiss, using the soldier's body as a way to balance himself. With that support suddenly gone the cadet toppled forward, his weight letting him fall off the chair and onto Zack's unevenly positioned body.

The soldier had no way to stop himself from falling backwards and grunted softly as his back hit the carpeted floor, his hands instinctively coming up to catch the cadet who was also tumbling to the ground. He ignored the pain as his shoulders smacked against the hard surface, his main concern being for Cloud's welfare as he caught the cadet in his open arms. The momentum of the fall dropped the blonde onto his chest and Zack automatically wrapped his arms around the smaller body to protect it. It was only then that he realised how close their bodies had suddenly become.

Cloud gasped as he suddenly felt himself topple forward, his hands still resting on Zack's shoulders and useless to stop him from falling. There was a moment of panic as he dropped towards the ground and then a sharp pain as his knees impacted with the floor. The injury was quickly dismissed when the cadet suddenly realised that the position of his knees, which were now on either side of the soldier's body, meant that he was effectively straddling Zack's lap. This added with the new location of his hands, left Cloud in no doubt that he was now essentially pinning the soldier to the ground. He also couldn't fail to notice that he was now connected with Zack in a very intimate way.

Both soldier and cadet looked at each other across a very short distance, their gasping breathes not only a response to the deep kiss they had shared but now the position they found themselves in. Neither able to deny the effect the interaction had been having on their bodies, as both felt the identical arousals which were now pressed together, and wide blue eyes started down into equally surprised violet orbs.

Time seemed to stand still as both became frozen in place, neither able to move or look away, their hearts beating loudly in the sudden silence of the room. It was only when Zack blinked, his eyelids shutting for the briefest of moments, that the spell between them was broken. Cloud's body drew in a gulping breath and he immediately went to pull away, his legs sliding back as he frantically pushed off the floor with his arms.

It took the soldier a second to realise that the cadet was panicking and knew that he couldn't let what had happened between them end like this.


	26. Chapter 26: Painful confessions

**Painful confessions**

"Cloud, wait" He managed to plead, his hands reaching out and catching the cadet by the wrists before he could rise properly.

Cloud's head snapped back round to face Zack's and it was clear from his expression and frantic breathing that he was not handling the restraint part any better.

"I'm sorry." The soldier said, quickly releasing his grip and holding his hands out to the side away from the blonde's body.

Zack said a silent prayer of thanks to the sky as the cadet remained where he was, the half raised position not relaxing but not being continued either.

"I'm sorry." Zack repeated gently, his eyes begging Cloud to say something.

"Why?" The cadet whispered after a moment of silence.

"I should have better control and I shouldn't have moved back. If I had stayed in place then we wouldn't have ended up on the floor and it wouldn't have upset you."

"It ... surprised me." Cloud murmured, looking away as a faint blush crept up his face.

"It surprised me too." Zack admitted, relaxing a little as the cadet began to open up.

"I... I've just ..." Cloud began hesitantly.

"It's ok, you can tell me anything." The soldier reassured gently, as the blonde's words faltered.

"I've never done this before ... with anyone."

Zack smiled brightly and let all the love he felt for the cadet be shown in his eyes, silently willing Cloud to see how much this relationship mattered to him. The soldier had already guessed from the hesitant kisses that the blonde was inexperienced, but to hear the confession being spoken made his heart flutter in a way he just couldn't describe.

"It's ok." He said, bringing his hands back to rest lightly on Cloud's forearms. "We don't have to do anything you're not ready for."

After a moment Cloud nodded silently and Zack breathed a small sigh of relief, letting his thumbs begin to massage tiny circles against the cadet's soft skin. The actions seemed to help ease some of the tension in the blonde's body and the soldier smiled as Cloud lowered himself down again to rest a head of golden spikes on his chest. The atmosphere had changed now and thankfully both found their arousals to have faded, it also helped that the new position meant their bodies were no longer held together in such an intimate way. Zack took the reaction as a good sign and began to slowly move his hands up Cloud's arms until they rested across his back, in effect hugging the cadet as they lay together on the floor.

"You ok?" He asked after a few minutes.

"Can I ... can I still ... sleep with you tonight?" Cloud stammered, his voice faint and clearly nervous.

"Of course you can, why would you think otherwise?" Zack replied, unable to hide the surprise he felt.

"Because I ... I wasn't sure if ... after ..."

"Spiky," The soldier quickly cut in, sensing the blonde's uncertainty. "I'm gonna admit to something here and it's kinda embarrassing so hear me out first ok. Then if afterwards you want to hit me, ignore me or whatever I'll accept it, ok?"

"Uuumm, ok" Cloud replied, clearly confused by the statement.

"You remember that morning a couple of days ago when you wanted to know what I had been thinking about?"

"Yes."

"Well this ... that ... what happened just now, it's what I was also thinking about that day."

Zack held his breath waiting for Cloud's response, his heart beating a little faster in his chest as he felt the heat of his blush slowly being replaced by an uneasy feeling in his stomach. The seconds seemed to tick by like minutes or even hours as the cadet remained silent in his arms and the soldier could almost feel his world starting to fall apart.

"Cloud?" He breathed fearfully.

"I ... I've been ... thinking about it to." Cloud whispered against his chest, the cadet's smaller hands gripping the material of his top tightly as if he needed something to hold onto for support.

"You have?" Zack replied, also keeping his voice low.

"I ... I didn't know how ... I wasn't sure ... if ..."

Once again the cadet's words faltered and the soldier knew that he was struggling with whatever it was he wanted to say, could feel the tension now running through the blonde's shoulders as he fought to give words to his emotions.

"You can tell me anything Cloud, I won't run away."

"I don't know what I'm doing," Cloud gasped out in a single breath, his body now trembling slightly. "I have these feelings and I ... I look at you and it ... it makes me feel ... but I don't know how to ..."

"It's ok." Zack soothed, as the cadet's stammering words fell silent. "I understand. Like I said before it's new to you, which is why I'm not going to rush anything."

"But I want to." Cloud whispered, his grip on the soldier's top tightening.

"Are you sure?" Zack asked after a moment of hesitation.

"I think so."

"I love that you're being honest with me and by Gaia I want this to, but I'm not going to do anything unless you're sure."

"But I ..."

"You just said you think so Spiky, that's not being sure." Zack cut in quickly, trying to keep his voice as gentle as possible.

"I keep people out." Cloud informed the soldier, his voice no longer soft but somehow empty. "I don't let myself get attached, I keep what I feel trapped inside. I don't let them see it because then it can't be used against me"

The soldier felt a cold knot form in his stomach as the cadet's words dug icy slivers into his chest, the new confession being stated in a worryingly distant way and almost void of emotion. Though he wanted to offer words of comfort, to reassure the blonde that it was alright, none came to his troubled mind. He was almost thankful when Cloud continued talking, that was until he heard what he had to say.

"Angeal was right when he said there was a darkness in being alone, that the pain can be just as damaging as daring to feel. There's something in me Zack, something I let grow from ... not feeling. No, that's wrong. I did feel, but I ... it was only the bad stuff. I gave up on everything good, I thought it didn't ... that I didn't ... that I would never feel ..."

Cloud's body was now shaking against the soldier's chest as he let himself go, as all the fears and self denial came pouring out along with the tears which now ran down his face and soaked into the soldiers top. Zack lay quietly beneath the trembling body, allowing Cloud to speak without being interrupted, his hands gently rubbing circles across the cadet's back to help sooth away some of the pain. He felt his eyes prick with heat as they grew damp, knowing that soon his own tears would escape to leave wet trails on his face.

"I've always been alone and I got used to that, I didn't know any different until I ... until I met you. I ... I didn't trust you at first, no one had ever been that nice to me just because they wanted to. I started to feel ... things for you, but I couldn't trust them ... I couldn't trust myself. I locked them away with everything else because I thought it was for the best, that you could never feel that way about me."

Zack was vaguely aware of the warm beads of moisture which now worked their way slowly down his face, the silent tears now being the visible evidence of his own pain at hearing Cloud's words.

"I locked my feelings away too." The soldier admitted gently, not trusting his voice to speak louder. "I wasn't sure how you felt about me so kept quiet because I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

"I'm scared Zack." Cloud whimpered softly, drawing himself tighter against the soldier's body.

"Of me ... of us?"

"No." The cadet replied firmly, his head shaking forcefully against Zack's chest. "I'm afraid of hiding from what I feel, of loosing you because I wasn't able to be honest with you or myself." There was a brief pause as Cloud gathered himself and the soldier could feel the tension back in the cadet's body as he began to speak again. "I thought I was stronger on my own, that no one could hurt me, but I was wrong. I don't think I'll survive alone in the dark Zack, not now that I've found you."

"I will always be there for you Cloud." The soldier began, his voice trembling as he held the cadet tight. "If the world falls apart around us then I will be there at your side, fighting to keep you safe in your darkest hour, even if I have to carry you towards the light myself.

Neither spoke as the world around them fell into a strange silence, their heartfelt words drifting quietly in the air above them. Zack continued to gently stroke Cloud's back, allowing his own body to start relaxing as some of the stress and strain began to ease away from the cadet. After a while Cloud sat up, smiling reassuringly at the soldier as he began to move away and rise to his feet. Reluctantly Zack let him go and watched as the cadet sat back down on the chair again, noting the small limp in the blonde's walk.

"You ok?"

"Yea, just a cramp." Cloud replied, his hands already working on the muscle concerned.

"Here let me." Zack replied, sitting up and sliding across the floor until he was at the cadet's feet.

Cloud opened his mouth to protest the offer, but instantly stopped when strong hands began massaging the leg. The gentle kneading motions were perfect, as the soldier's fingers travelled over the limb, and Cloud sighed happily as the large knot was broken down.

"Is that better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"No worries. To be honest I'm surprised you haven't got more of these after what Angeal put us through."

"Was he always that hard on you?" Cloud asked hesitantly.

"Huh?"

"When he was your mentor, was he always like that?"

"Sometimes." Zack admitted, smiling softly at the memories. "But he did it to make me stronger and because he cared."

"Does he ... I mean ... the way he's been pushing me. Is it ... for the same reason?" Cloud asked nervously.

"Yea. I'm pretty sure Angeal's taken you under his wing as well." The soldier agreed smiling softly. "It's a good place to be Spiky. Angeal may act tough and push you till you're ready to drop, but he's got a heart of gold and he'll be there for you in an instant if you need him."

"..."

"Come on," Zack spoke up, deciding the cadet's look was becoming a little too distant. "We should finish dinner and get some rest."

"Ok." Cloud agreed, his expression a little dazed as if he had been pulled back from a very deep thought.

The food was still warm enough to eat so both tucked in happily as they began to discuss what to do with their day off. Slowly the pair came to an agreement about how the time would be spent, with a rough outline of activities which would suit them both being decided upon. It had taken Zack some time to convince Cloud that it would be alright for them to leave the base for a day and so he now smiled brightly as they prepared for bed thinking about what tomorrow had in store for them.

"It's going to be great." He reassured gently, as they settled down amongst the covers.

"And you're sure I won't get into trouble." The cadet asked, this part of the plan clearly bothering him still.

"I'm sure. It's not like you sneaking off somewhere. You can leave the base on your days off."

"I've just never done it before."

"Well even more reason to do it now."

"Ok" Cloud agreed softly, moving back so he was now cocooned safely in the soldier's arms.

Zack smiled happily and adjusted his position so that it would hold even more of the blonde. He knew that it wasn't just Cloud who needed to feel the security in their embrace, that it wasn't just the cadet who needed the reassurance of this contact. In truth Cloud's words had unsettled the soldier, the painful confessions being both a joy and sorrow to hear. Zack waited for the slow rise and fall of the cadet's chest before he let himself think again, needing the blonde to be asleep before he gave into the thoughts which plagued his mind.

Memories of eyes which burned with blue fire rushed through him, the glowing spheres haunted by dancing shadows as they ignited at Tseng's words. The soldier shivered involuntarily as he recalled Angeal and Reno's words about the darkness they had seen, his own experiences with the blonde giving the words more weight. It was the commander's warning which hurt the most as it dug into his heart, the knowledge that if he lost Cloud to that dark part of himself than he might never get the cadet back. It had torn the soldier up inside to know that he would have to fight something he couldn't see, that he might have to confront a part of Cloud he didn't know if he had the strength to face. But now things were different.

Cloud had spoken of the same thing, his words revealing him to be aware of its presence within him as well. Zack felt his heart fill with hope as he realised that Cloud was reaching out to him, that in his own way the cadet was already trying to break free of it. The soldier realised that perhaps that had been his greatest fear in all of this, the idea that Cloud was not aware of his darker side, the possibility that the blonde didn't know where he drew his strength from. I had been heart wrenching to hear the cadet talk about himself with such sadness, but it had also given Zack a better understanding of how it had all begun.

"I will never leave you alone." He whispered softly against the blonde's ear. "I promise."

And with that Zack closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall asleep, the concerns of the day begin replaced by the possibilities of tomorrow.


	27. Chapter 27: A day off

**Ok so here's the next chapter. Sorry it's a little long but it didn't feel right cutting it into two smaller chapters.**

**Anyway I hope you enjoy and please remember to review :o)**

* * *

**A day off**

It wasn't often that Zack slept in on his days off, the normally energetic soldier happy to get moving as soon as the sun was up. But today was different. Today he had a reason to stay snuggled beneath the covers after turning the alarm off, a reason to ignore the early morning sunshine which peaked in through the crack between the curtains. He hummed in approval as Cloud's body shifted and settled even closer to his, the blonde still asleep but happily pressing himself into the comfort of the soldier's embrace. Zack smiled affectionately as he tightened his hold on the smaller body, the action being greeted with a soft sigh of contentment from the blonde's delicate lips. In that moment the soldier decided that there really was no reason to get up yet and certainly no excuse good enough to move from such a perfect place. With a smile which shone a little brighter on his face Zack settled himself back against the pillows and closed his eyes, the desire to get up being pushed away as he drifted off to sleep again.

The next time the soldier awoke the light in the room was a lot brighter, in turn letting him know that they had been asleep for a while. Glancing over at the clock on the bedside cabinet he groaned softly realising that they had indeed over slept and were now technically behind schedule for the day.

"Hey Spiky." He whispered gently against the cadet's ear. "It's time to get up."

"Just five more minutes." Cloud mumbled, burying his head deeper amongst the pillows and blankets until all the soldier could see was a head of blonde hair.

Zack laughed softly as he began to dig the cadet free of the surrounding protection, his amusement growing as in turn the blonde buried himself even further down into the bed.

"If you keep going you're going to fall out the other end." He warned cheerfully, to which Cloud instantly stopped moving.

A second later and the blanket was thrown back to reveal a dishevelled and slightly flustered looking cadet, his eyes still a little foggy from sleep and his hair in a tousled mess as it surrounded a slightly flushed face.

"You ok?" The soldier asked, the grin on his face revealing the restraint in place not to laugh again.

"Yes." Cloud replied a little breathlessly, his attempts to evade Zack's wake up having resulted in his near suffocation beneath the covers.

"Come on." Zack coaxed, pushing himself out of the bed and offering a hand down to the cadet. "We've already slept in enough."

Cloud followed the soldier's directional glance towards the clock and once his eyes had focused on the numbers being displayed they widened slightly in surprise.

"Is that really the time?"

"Sure is, so we sort of need to get moving."

"But I thought you set the alarm." The cadet enquired as he continued to lie on the bed looking confused.

"I did." The soldier admitted, blushing slightly now. "But I sort of turned it off and thought a few more minutes wouldn't hurt."

"And when was that?" Cloud enquired teasingly, his eyes starting to sparkle as he realised that the soldier was now the one looking embarrassed.

"Maybe a couple of hours ago." Zack confessed, scratching the back of his head and looking around awkwardly.

"So I take it the plans for today are going to change a little?" The cadet enquired playfully.

"A little." The soldier agreed sheepishly.

"So what's first?" The blonde asked as he finally climbed out of the bed and started to make his way towards the bedroom door.

"Shower, dress and ... I guess lunch based on the time."

Cloud's soft chuckling filled the air as he left the bedroom and started making his way towards the bathroom, the delightful sound making Zack's heart flutter happily. A few minutes later and the sound of running water let the soldier know that the cadet was showering, or at least about to shower, so he headed towards the kitchen to make coffee while he waited for his turn.

It was nearly twenty minutes before Cloud emerged from the steam filled room, the sight of the blonde walking through the apartment towards the bedroom making Zack's breath catch in his throat. The soldier silently thanked Gaia that he was currently sitting at the table, the hard wooden surface managing to help conceal the way his body was now reacting. They exchanged quick smiles just before the cadet entered the bedroom and closed the door behind him, leaving Zack to silently fight the raging hormones which now flooded his system. He groaned softly as the image of a nearly naked blonde flashed though his mind again, the scene of Cloud walking past with only a towel wrapped round his waist playing over for him once more. The memory of dripping blonde hair and flushed skin quickly filled his veins with heat, the mental picture of glistening beads of moisture running gracefully down over developing muscles sending that heat straight to his groin.

As a result Zack didn't even bother turning the hot tap on as he started the shower, his body already filled with a liquid fire which pumped through his veins. He groaned softly in despair as images of Cloud looking all flushed and wet raced through his mind again, the sensations of holding and kissing the blonde mixing with the vision and making his body react even more. Taking a deep steadying breath the soldier grit his teeth together and quickly stepped under the cold spray, the air escaping his lungs in a gasping breath as the near freezing temperature poured down over his heated skin. Zack allowed a few colourful expressions to pass over his trembling lips as the arctic like exposure started to make him shiver, the curses slowly turning into half-hearted prayers of thanks as his body finally got the hint and started to behave itself.

Ten minutes later and the soldier was making his way out of the bathroom and towards the bedroom, his progress through the living room being a little rushed so as to avoid the cadet sitting on the sofa. Cloud watched in slight shock and confusion as the normally glowing soldier hurried past, the honey coloured sun-kissed skin he was used to seeing now actually looking a little ... blue. Shaking his head and putting it down to still being half asleep Cloud lent back against the cushions and closed his eyes again, a smile forming on his lips as thoughts of the semi naked soldier dressed in only a towel made his heart beat a little faster and his body feel all warm and tingly inside.

It wasn't long before Zack was also dressed and he couldn't help but cringe when he observed the cadet's clothes, the casual combat trousers and t-shirt he wore looking faded and worn out.

"Ok, change of plan." He announced as they began to make their way from the apartment.

"Oh?"

"Yep, we're going clothes shopping."

"Why, do you need something?" Cloud asked oblivious to the true meaning of the soldier's words.

"Nope, but you do."

"Me, but I'm fine."

"Spiky, if that top gets any thinner I won't need to imagine what you look like underneath." Zack teased, hoping to keep the mood light while he tried to get his point across.

"I would have thought you saw enough earlier that you wouldn't need to use your imagination." Cloud replied nervously, his voice trembling slightly as he tried to continue the playful banter the soldier had begun.

Zack stopped walking and did a double take as the blonde's words sunk in, his expression going from one of mild shock to pure joy as he realised the implications of the words. Almost a second later and a faint look of panic formed on his face, quickly followed by a bright red blush of embarrassment, as the realization of having been caught staring burned though his body.

"You ... you saw that?" He asked nervously, his voice catching in his suddenly dry throat.

"Yes." Cloud replied softly.

"Sorry." Zack mumbled, bowing his head a little lower to watch his feet dig aimlessly at the floor.

"Don't be." The cadet responded, his voice dropping to a faint whisper. "I was ... looking too."

Zack's head instantly snapped up and violet eyes blinked several times as they tried to focus on nervous sparkling blue spheres, his heart now beating wildly in his chest at the blonde's confession.

"You ... were?"

"Yes."

"... and?" The soldier hesitated to ask, mentally smacking himself for pushing his luck by asking such a personal question.

"You looked a little ... blue." Cloud informed him with an amused smile on his face.

"Cold showers will do that to you." Zack replied laughing gently.

"Cold?"

"Uumm ... yea ... cold ..."

Once again the soldier felt his face heat up as if it had just burst into flames, the single raised blonde eyebrow questioning his actions while the sapphire eyes sparkled with a mischievous light of perfect understanding. Zack was just about to respond to Cloud's contradictory expression, when his words were cut off by a familiar voice calling out their names. Both soldier and cadet turned towards the sound and smiled brightly when the flash of bright red hair revealed who had been calling out to them.

"Hey Reno." Zack greeted the Turk as he approached them.

"Hey soldier boy, Cloud." Reno replied, smiling brightly as Zack shook his head at the nickname.

"Hello Reno." The cadet responded happily, his carefree appearance betraying nothing of the conversation they had just been having.

"So what you guys up to?" The red head asked casually.

"Spiky's never been outside the base before so I thought it would be fun to spend the day exploring." Zack explained cheerfully.

"Really?" Reno asked in surprise.

"It's true." Cloud admitted looking a little embarrassed now.

"So what have you got planned?" The red head continued, choosing to ignore the cadet's discomfort.

"We were just going to grab some lunch, but the main idea was to go shopping and get Spiky some new clothes."

"Oh Gaia." The cadet beside him breathed softly, as he covered his bright red face with a pair of trembling hands.

"Sorry." The soldier apologised, chuckling softly. "But you know it's true. Those clothes you're wearing are fine for lying about the apartment, but you do need some new ones for going out in."

"I have my uniform." Cloud protested weakly, his words a little muffled as he remained hidden from them.

"Uniform's don't count on days off." Reno cut in before Zack could say the same thing, their eyes meeting in agreement about the cadet clearly needing a new wardrobe.

"I didn't think they were that bad." The blonde whispered timidly.

"They're not," Zack spoke up quickly. "You just need some new things to ... give you more options."

A single blue eye peeped out between spread fingers and both soldier and Turk held their breaths as they waited for the cadet to speak. A few seconds later and Cloud's hands slid free of his face to reveal a slightly flushed and self-conscious expression.

"I guess I could do with a few new tops." The blonde sighed softly in acceptance, pulling unhappily at the edges of his faded t-shirt.

"Good, now how about we go grab something to eat and I'll show you guys some places to check out." Reno suggested cheerfully.

"You're joining us?" Zack enquired with a raised eyebrow.

"Sure. I've done my job for the day so have some spare time."

"What were you doing?" Cloud asked casually as they began to walk again.

"Oh just checking on someone ...I mean something for Tseng." Reno replied, catching himself and winching at the slip.

"Someone?" The cadet asked in surprise.

"Uummm yea, but forget you heard that part, ok?" The Turk replied quickly, actually looking uncomfortable that he had been caught out.

"Why?" Cloud asked, taken back by the sudden tension in Reno's appearance.

"Trust me Spiky, if Reno says to forget it then you should." Zack informed the blonde seriously, his eyes glancing over at the Turk's with a knowing expression.

Cloud looked between the two questioningly, his curious gaze being met with firm expressions from both the soldier and Turk which betrayed nothing.

"Do you know?" The cadet asked suspiciously, his attention solely on Zack now.

"No." The soldier replied firmly, his eyes never leaving Cloud's so that his answer would be accepted. "I just know that sometimes Reno get's jobs he can't talk about ... just like I do."

Once again the cadet's expression became questioning, his mind clearly racing over this revelation and what it meant for them.

"So you can't always be honest with me?"

"When it comes to us I can." Zack replied quickly, his heart skipping a beat as Cloud's voice became guarded and a little distant.

"It's not Zack's fault." Reno cut in hastily, his voice drawing the cadet's attention instantly. "Sometimes we get assigned things which require high level clearance and we can't talk about it."

"So ... you have to keep ... secrets."

"There not exactly secrets, just ... things were not allowed to discuss." Zack offered feebly, knowing that it probably wasn't helping his cause.

"..."

"Spiky?" The soldier breathed nervously.

"We should go." Cloud replied faintly as he began to move away, his feet now carrying him along an unfamiliar path towards a place he didn't know.

Zack and Reno exchanged a quick glance and both shared an equally concerned expression, the cadet's sudden mood change catching them both by surprise. They had barely spared a second to look at each other, yet by the time they looked back Cloud was already a short distance ahead of them and moving away at a steady pace.

"Hey Cloud, Spiky?" Zack called out as they hurried to catch up with the blonde.

They caught up with cadet easily enough but he still refused to meet their eyes, instead focusing on the floor at his feet as Reno led the way and the soldier tried to get him to talk. But Cloud continued to remain quiet as they left the compound and began to make their way towards the diner which Reno and Zack often used, his thoughts clearly going over what had just been said and being troubled by it. They reached their destination with the cadet still silent and a little lost to them, his distant gaze giving both the soldier and Turk a reason to be worried.

"Hey." Zack said, gently placing a hand on the blonde's shoulder. "Are you ok?"

"It's hard to live with ... secrets." Cloud whispered not looking at either of them.

"Yea, it is." The soldier agreed, gently drawing the cadet against his body and silently thankful when the blonde didn't pull away.

Reno waited patiently as the pair held each other a little longer, both seemingly lost to the rest of the world as it passed them by. He watched as Cloud buried himself tighter into the soldier's embrace and noted how Zack seemed to draw comfort from the action, even though he still looked equally confused about the cadet's reaction.

"Spiky, is there ... something you want to ... talk about?"

"No."

Once again the solider and Turk exchanged a look which said that something was wrong, the blonde's answer having been too quick and too defensive in tone.

"Cloud?"

"After last night and ... and what we ... said. I just don't ... I don't want there to be ... secrets between us." The cadet explained carefully, still hiding his face from them.

"I promise to be as honest with you as I can." Zack whispered back, gently tightening his hold on the smaller body pressed against him. "But you have to understand that there will be things I can't talk about."

There was a short pause as the soldier waited for the blonde to respond, his heat beating almost painfully in his chest as it counted out the seconds.

Reno watched the soldier's eyes close in a silent prayer and instantly felt the questions rising in his throat, the need to know what had happened between the pair making its way to his mouth. He had barley opened his mouth to speak when violet eyes opened and met with his, the normally bright spheres hardening with a mako flare warning him not to say a word. The red head was silenced instantly as they shared a look which said they could talk later, that when they were alone he could ask, but not now while Cloud was in their presence. The Turk quickly decided that another tactic was needed to move this awkward moment along, something to lighten the mood and get them back to enjoying the day.

"You guys aren't going to be all mushy like this all day are you?" He whined playfully, the dramatic act of mock disgust drawing a soft chuckle from the cadet who now moved back from the soldier.

"No, we're good." Cloud replied, as he quickly pulled himself together and gave the red head a faint smile.

"Good because I'm starving and that was starting to make me nauseous." The Turk responded with more faked revulsion.

Zack smiled brightly as Cloud once again laughed softly at Reno's theatrical display of horror at being stuck with the love sick couple all day, offering the Turk a silently mouthed word of thanks as they entered the diner behind the cadet. It wasn't long before the subject had been forgotten, or at least brushed aside for the time being, as they all sat back and enjoyed a pleasant lunch together. Zack happily talked about the arrangement he and Cloud had made with Angeal, proudly announcing all of the cadet's achievements throughout the gruelling sessions with the commander. The blonde in turn had blushed at each of the soldier's declarations and after a bit of uncertainty begun to add his own feelings about the whole process. The one thing both had agreed on was that the past few days had been worth it, especially now that they were going to be able to return to a normal schedule. In turn Reno chatted happily about the things he had been doing since their last meeting, his humorous experiences making for an entertaining conversation which Cloud was sure Angeal wouldn't have approved of.

After an hour or so of chatting and eating they left the diner and hit the shops with a purpose, the soldier and Turk both making it their mission to rebuild the cadet's dying wardrobe. To Cloud's horror his attempts to keep things simple were quickly dismissed by the pair, as they began to compete over who could find the best combination of clothes for him, and his insistencies of only needing a few tops were completely ignored. In the end he gave up protesting as he was forced to try on various shirts, jumper, trousers, jeans and who knows what else as Zack and Reno both went a little crazy with their choices. At one point he had even tried to point out that he couldn't afford half of their options anyway, having only a small amount of savings to spend, but the issue was quickly pushed aside as the soldier paid for everything.

Before Cloud knew it several hours had passed and they were once again back in the diner, this time enjoying a well earned dinner and surrounded by bags containing his new clothes. The cadet glanced across at the pile carefully stacked beside Reno in the booth and sighed softly, a small smile gracing his features as he thought about the fuss they had made of him. It had been a little awkward at first, as the soldier and Turk got carried away, with Cloud feeling more like a doll than a person as he was dressed and re-dressed in all sorts of things. But after a while the mild irritation and unease had given way to something else, to stronger feelings of an unfamiliar happiness as it started to spread throughout his body. In the end the cadet had to admit that it had actually started to feel nice being the centre of their attention, the memories now filling every fibre of his being with a warm pleasurable glow.

"You ok?" Zack asked gently, as he noted the dreamy look in the blonde's eyes.

"Yes. Just tired I guess." Cloud replied, his words being closely followed by a yawn which he tried to hide.

"So I see." The soldier replied chuckling softly.

"I guess we did go a little overboard." Reno added, glancing across at the heap beside him.

"A little?" The cadet enquired, raising a blonde eyebrow questioningly.

"Ok, a lot." The Turk agreed smiling brightly. "But this way you have no excuse for having nothing to wear when we got out."

"Go out?" Cloud choked back, his eyes widening slightly.

"Sure, now you've got the right clothes we seriously have to hit a club sometime."

"I ... I don't know if I ..."

"Calm down." Zack cut in quickly, his arm instinctively going around the cadet's shoulders to give comfort. "Reno's not saying we do it now, but it is a good idea for another day."

"Ok." Cloud breathed nervously.

"Good. Now come on and eat up, it's getting late and we should be heading back soon."

The cadet smiled brightly in response and nodded his head in agreement to the soldier's words, silently grateful that they would be going home soon. It had been a long day after all and while a part of him didn't want it to end, the idea of a warm bed was starting to sound quite inviting.

They finished their meal and walked back towards the compound together, happily enjoying the conversations which continued between them. Reno had helped to carry some of the bags back, but now handed them over as he said his goodbyes and left them to make their own way back to Zack's apartment alone. He continued to smile brightly as he watched the pair walk away, their faces turning briefly as they waved before disappearing out of sight round a corner. The smile quickly faded as he turned and made his own way back towards home, the questions from earlier once more running through his head. There hadn't been a chance to speak about it during the day, the soldier always close to the cadet as if fearful to leave his side, and the curiosity now burned deep within him. Reno sighed as he walked along the path which would lead him towards his apartment, his mind already trying to work out a time when he could catch up with Zack when Cloud wouldn't be around.

It didn't take the soldier and cadet long to reach their home and both sighed happily as they collapsed onto the sofa, the long day finally catching up with them. It was Zack who suggested that they put Cloud's new clothes away before anything else, the idea of adding more of the blonde's things to his own making his heart beat a little faster in his chest. The cadet had rolled his eyes at the soldier's excitement but happily allowed himself to be pulled up out of the chair and dragged into the bedroom, his own happiness of what they were doing clearly visible on his delicate features. After a few minutes of sorting through the bags they began to place the various items in the correct places and neither could keep the bright smiles off their faces. Both understanding what the simple act meant to their developing relationship, that by adding more of Cloud's things to Zack's within the apartment they were somehow reinforcing the bond which was forming between them.

"You didn't have to do this." The cadet said, still feeling a little guilty over how much the soldier had spent.

"I've already told you I don't mind." Zack replied happily as he hung another shirt in the wardrobe.

"I can pay you back, I just need time to work out ..."

"Spiky." The soldier cut in firmly, turning now so that he could look at the cadet. "I don't want you to pay me back. I know you didn't plan on buying all this stuff and ..."

"I can probably give you some of my pay each week." Cloud continued, ignoring Zack's words. "It won't be much but ..."

"You're not listening." The soldier sighed, noting how Cloud was now trying to avoid his gaze. "I know you can't afford all of it and I don't want you to feel like you need to pay me back. It's my fault you got all this stuff, and Reno's in a way, so don't worry about it."

"I can work something out." The blonde protested faintly from across the room.

"I don't want you to work something out. I know what you get paid and it suck's so don't even try and budget for this. I earn more than enough to cover it and beside's, who else am I going to spend my pay cheque on?"

"I just don't want you to think I expect this, that I ..."

"Hey." Zack interrupted, now moving to stand behind the cadet so that he could wrap his arms around the blonde's slim waist. "I don't think that so stop worrying and just enjoy it, ok?"

"But I ..."

"Last chance to agree." The soldier warned lightly.

"But ..."

The next second and Cloud found himself being spun round in Zack's arms, his words barely changing into a startled squeak as warm lips pressed down against his own sealing off the protesting murmurings. The cadet only hesitated for a moment before melting into the kiss, his arms coming up to wrap around the soldier's neck pulling their bodies closer together. Zack responded by deepening the kiss, his tongue passing over Clouds parted lips to explore the warm space within the cadet's mouth. It was only when his advances drew a small moan from the blonde that he stopped, when he could feel them both trembling against each other that he pulled away. They held each other tightly while panting softly in the quiet room, the shopping momentarily forgotten as they both drew in small gasping breaths.

"Do you give up?" Zack asked, as soon as he could trust his voice to speak.

"If I say no will you kiss me again?" Cloud enquired teasingly, his trembling voice betraying his confidence in asking.

"If you say yes then I will." The soldier informed him, laughing softly as he adjusted his hold around the blonde's body.

"Then yes." The cadet replied happily, his heart skipping a beat as Zack's lips claimed his again.

They soon became lost to another deep passionate kiss, their hold on each other tightening as they gave themselves over to their emotions. This time neither pulled away when the sensations began to grow stronger, as heat started to run through their veins and their bodies began to respond. Zack moaned softly as Cloud's body lent into his, the blonde now using his arms to pull himself up and closer against the soldier's chest. In response Zack's hands slowly began to glide over the cadet's back, with one hand reaching up between Cloud's shoulders and the other hand travelling slowly across to the base of his spine. A low moan could be heard from the blonde and his body pressed forward even more, with Zack in turn using his new hold on the cadet to draw him even closer. It was only when the soldier's hand began to move down from its place on the small of his back and over the firm round cheeks of his backside that Cloud suddenly broke away from the kiss.

Violet eyes opened and stared down into lust filled and surprised glowing blue spheres, the bright shimmering sapphires showing that while the act had not been rejected it had also not been expected. Zack quickly moved his hand's back to a safer place on the cadet's body and looked down at the blonde nervously as they both continued to draw in gasping breaths.

"I'm sorry." The soldier panted, as soon as his breathing would allow it.

"It's ... ok." Cloud responded, letting this head fall against the soldier's chest now that they weren't pressed together so tightly.

"I went too far." Zack continued, still not entirely convinced by the cadet's answer.

"It's ok." Cloud repeated, this time looking up to meet the soldier's eyes. "Really, it is."

"You ... you're really sure ... it's ok?"

"Yes." The cadet whispered softly, as he lowered his head against the soldier's body again.

Zack didn't know whether his legs were shaking because of what he had just done or if it was because of how Cloud had accepted it. All he knew was that something had just happened, something which had changed the rules about the types of intimate contact allowed between them. No longer was he restricted to just their mind blowing kisses, but had indirectly been given permission to explore with more personal touches. While the idea of taking the new experience further burned within him the soldier also understood that the moment had passed and that their heated arousals were now replaced by a tender loving embrace. So he allowed himself to relax into the comfortable silence which had settled around them, knowing that what they were feeling was somehow deeper than what it had been before.

"We should probably finish sorting this stuff out." Cloud suggested faintly, his words drawing Zack out of his deep thoughts.

"Yea, you're right." The soldier reluctantly agreed, knowing that it was probably a good idea but still not wanting to let go. "It's getting late and Angeal will kick my butt if you're tired tomorrow."

Another small chuckle escaped the blonde in his arms and Zack couldn't keep the grin from his face as he soaked up the wondrous sound.

"You're imagining Angeal kicking my butt aren't you?" He asked, now chuckling at the mental image himself.

"Yes." Cloud admitted happily.

Smiling brightly the soldier placed a brief kiss to the top of Cloud's head and then reluctantly moved away so they could finish what they had been doing. It was only as he went to pull another item from one of the bags that he looked down at his hand, the limb still warm and tingling slightly from the experience of where it had been allowed to touch. Zack felt his heart began to flutter at the memory and glanced back over his shoulder to watch the blonde from across the room, his eyes absorbing every detail of the cadet's joyful glow. Perhaps he hadn't intended to let that happen but he wasn't about to regret it now, especially after Cloud had accepted it so well. By the time they had put everything safely away where it belonged it was late in the evening and Zack's warning about Angeal not being impressed if they were tired echoed in both their minds.

The soldier's plan to keep the cadet busy and distracted all day worked out very well, with Cloud drifting away into a deep sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Zack tucked them in amongst the covers and watched over the blonde for a little while, knowing that there were still concerns about returning to class running through Cloud's head. He carefully observed every twitch or sudden sound from the cadet in case he was having a bad dream, ready to wake him if necessary. But after a short time the soldier relaxed and allowed his tiredness to creep in, the blonde's peaceful slumber helping to sooth away his own concerns about the coming day. Soon the room was filled with the sounds of gentle breaths as both slept peacefully side by side, their worries lost to a land of dreams and light.


	28. Chapter 28: A very bad introduction

**A very bad introduction**

Cloud had woken that morning with a deep feeling of peace and tranquillity, his mind still covered in a sleepy fog as his body was held protectively in Zack's embrace. It was only when the alarm went off and the soldier had stirred that he began to feel uneasy, the realisation of what day it was quickly replacing the feeling of calm with one of anxiety. As a result he hadn't wanted breakfast and if it hadn't been for Zack's concerns about him starting the day with an empty stomach the cadet would have happily avoided the idea of food altogether. Instead he had allowed the soldier to cook a light meal for them both and attempted to eat some of it, the result of which now had his stomach doing all manner of summersaults as he tried to keep it down.

The feeling of discomfort only grew stronger as they approached the main door of the lecture halls and stopped outside, discreetly moving to one side out of the way so that people could continue to pass them as they hesitated to say goodbye.

"Are you going to be ok?" Zack asked carefully, his body shifting nervously beside the eerily still cadet.

"I have to be." Cloud replied faintly.

"Um, ok. You know that doesn't actually fill me with confidence."

"I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's ok. You know I just ... that I worry about you."

"Will I see you later?" The cadet asked hesitantly, his eyes now coming up to meet the soldier's and revealing the concern being felt within.

"I'm swinging past at one on the way to lunch, we should cross paths then."

"And later?"

"I'm picking you up after combat training at five. We're scheduled for extra training at the gym so it won't look suspicious if I come to collect you."

There was a pause in their conversation as a couple of cadets walked past and entered the building, each stealing a glance at the pair as they walked past. Zack held his tongue as the door closed behind them and then pulled a face at their retreating figures, his silent insult towards the group resulting in a small chuckle from the blonde.

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it at least." The soldier sighed, now smiling a little more himself.

"I'll see you later." Cloud informed him, his small hand wrapping around the door handle.

"Take care of yourself." Zack advised gently, as the door was opened and the blonde began to move forward.

"I will." Was the faint reply before the door closed and the cadet was gone.

"Be safe Spiky." Zack whispered, as he turned and made his way towards Angeal's office where he was expected.

Cloud's morning consisted mainly of two lesson, the first being materia studies and the other being the history of warfare. The cadet had been a nervous wreck as he entered the lecture hall, especially when all eyes turned to him as he made his way through the door and into the room. Not knowing if things had changed while he was away Cloud quickly took his old seat, silently praying that he would be left alone. As it was no one bothered him throughout the first lesson, their attention mainly fixed on the display of materia uses which were being demonstrated. In fact other than several unfriendly looks from around him the blonde managed to make it through the morning without being bothered at all.

By lunch time the cadet was feeling more confident about being back where he belonged, his happiness only increasing when not only Zack but also Angeal managed to 'bump' into him after classes. They enjoyed a pleasant meal together and Cloud happily relayed the events of his day so far, the smile on his face helping the commander and soldier to relax and feel a sense of relief. Zack's smile brightened as Cloud described the lessons, the blonde's voice and expression clearly showing his joy at being ahead and not behind as he had feared. The experience was also enjoyable for Angeal, as he watched the young men in front of him glow in happiness, and it was with some reluctance that he brought the conversation to an end when their time was up.

They walked towards the gym in silence and the commander couldn't help but notice how the cadet and soldier's hands would sometimes brush together as they walked side by side. He smiled faintly understanding that it was their way of giving comfort and reassurance, suspecting that in other circumstances they would probably be holding hands and silently thanked the pair for having enough sense to be cautious. He stopped their progress a little way from the gym, making sure that the distance was enough that Cloud could go on ahead without them but that they could still watch until he was safely inside.

No sooner had the door closed behind the blonde then Zack let out a deep breath, his shoulders sagging forwards slightly as he let go of the tension in his body.

"Zack?" The commander asked with concern, as the soldier drew in a few shaky breaths.

"Sorry Angeal, I was just so worried."

"You should learn to breathe a little more when under pressure. That way the end release is not so obvious."

"That sounds like knowledge gained from experience." The soldier noted affectionately, as he looked up to meet the commander's eyes.

"I have often watched you in much the same way." Angeal admitted with a faint smile.

"Do you still watch over me like that?"

"If I say yes you will be embarrassed, but if I say no then it would be a lie." The commander replied carefully.

"I will interpret that as a yes." Zack informed him while smiling brightly, the glow in his eyes revealing the happiness of the new bond which was forming between them.

"It is strange to watch you as you watch over him." Angeal mused as they began to move away.

"How so?"

"It is as if I am seeing our past being repeated again, but this time you are the mentor in my place and Cloud is the student in yours."

"I guess that is a little weird. I wonder what Spiky would think of it?"

"Who knows pup, maybe you should ask him later?" Angeal teased, his bright smile showing that he had deliberately used the soldier's nickname to emphasis his point.

"You know sometimes you can be really disturbing." Zack concluded, shaking a head of raven spikes in disbelief as they entered the main building.

"I try." The commander replied, laughing softly as the soldier groaned in response.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Cloud felt his spirits lifting as the group was worked through a new series of movements and techniques, his return to classes having gone better than he could have hoped for. No one had bothered him to any great extent during the morning and although he had received some glaring looks he had not experienced any real problems. The initial part of the afternoon had also gone well with the majority of it being taken up with stamina work, which thanks to Zack and Angeal's sessions he was able to coup with easily. Cloud had to bite back the laugh which threatened to escape when the sergeant made a comment about them having no idea what a soldier was capable of, the man clearly having no idea just what the soldier and commander had been putting the cadet through. Silently the blonde was grateful for their time, the extra sessions they had spent with him helping to build and maintain a good level of endurance which he clearly needed for these classes. The extra tuition had also helped to develop and tone his skills in both hand to hand and sword based combat, so that not only was he able to keep up but could excel the class if he chose to. But Cloud understood the danger in this, knowing that to highlight any difference would draw unwanted attention his way, and so remained quiet as they were instructed on a technique that he already knew very well.

The blonde listened intently as the sergeant in charge gave out orders, following the instructions easily and without question as was expected of him. He allowed himself to fall into the routine of their exercises, relaxed into the repetition of what they were doing, and let his guard down as he began to enjoy the challenges being demanded of them. It was only when the time came for them to be paired up that the session began to turn sour, that all the positive things Cloud had been feeling started to break down. He was assigned to spar with someone who wasn't a threat, however, the people next to him were a different story. He knew them well, knew they enjoyed his misery, and knew they were the cause of his suffering.

"Hey Cloud, where you been?" One asked casually, the look he gave being anything but friendly.

"..."

"Come on Cloud, aren't you gonna talk to us."

"No." The blonde replied evenly.

"I'm hurt." A second voice said, the sarcastic tone very evident.

"We've been hearing all sorts of things about you." The first voice purred, making a cold shiver run along Cloud's spin.

"Yea, we heard you and Lieutenant Fair are reeaaallllyy close now."

Cloud ignored the suggestive comment and the cruelty of the voice which spoke it, his mind now whirling as his heart began beating a little faster in his chest.

"I guess the Lieutenant would be grateful after you saved his life." A third voice chipped in from Cloud's other side.

"Tell us Cloud," a fourth voice cut in icily. "How did he thank you?"

It was only then that the blonde realised that in effect he was surrounded, the world around him suddenly reducing down to the five cadets with only one of those being someone he didn't fear. Cloud glanced briefly at the sparring pairs on either side of him and tried to give them a look which said 'back off', but this only seemed to entertain them and make him more of a focus for their attention.

"That all you got for us Cloud?" One of the cadet's sneered.

"Is something wrong here gentlemen?" A cold hard voice cut in, making all six cadet's jump slightly.

"No sir, we we're just assisting cadet Strife with a stance sir." The first one spoke up quickly, his neutral voice skilfully hiding the hateful tone he had been using only moments ago.

"Very well, I will excuse it this time but now focus on your own defences." The sergeant instructed firmly before moving on.

There was a silence amongst them as the instructor moved off towards another group of cadets across the room, his retreating back being watched until he was out of hearing range. Then and only then did one of them dare to speak again, their words cutting the blonde to the bone.

"We'll talk later." The first voice whispered in a harsh threatening tone.

Cloud knew what that meant and felt the muscles in his body tense as his defences went up, the mental barriers quickly forming in his mind to protect him, and focused all of his attention on the person in front of him. The only problem was the person he was partnered with looked nervous and appeared hesitant to move.

"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, a bad feeling now forming in his stomach.

"I ... your ... uuummm." The other cadet stammered looking around for help.

"I'm what?" Cloud asked, the unsettling feeling quickly growing.

"I just don't want to fight you ... ok?"

"Why not?" Cloud asked carefully, as he struggled to keep his emotions in check.

"Because you're a fruit cake and anyone who hurts you is gonna get their asses handed to them by Lieutenant Fair." Another voice cut in spitefully before Cloud's spring partner had a chance to respond.

Cloud ignored the person who had spoken as he stared at the cadet opposite him, the hurtful words cutting straight through his defences and stabbing into his heart. He held his breath as he looked towards his partner, silently waiting for some form of denial to the accusation. When none came he felt his body go cold, the emptiness swallowing any of the remaining joy which had been there earlier.

It was in that moment of silence that he heard it, that voice within which had been ignored for so long as it called out to him. The cadet knew it was wrong to listen to the whispering darkness, that he didn't need to turn to that place now that he had Zack to keep him safe. But something in the way that it called to him made him hesitate from turning away, the promises of truth and understanding pulling him towards it even more. It reminded him that the soldier was not here to help him now, that in this moment he was to face his enemies alone, and wouldn't it be better to know why their words caused so much pain.

In the time it took for his heart to beat Cloud gave in, his need to see what couldn't be seen allowing the darkness to creep forward. This time when it called again he followed, letting it reveal the painful truth to him in all its glory.

They knew what he had done all those weeks ago after they had left him broken and bleeding, they understood what he had tried to do and they despised him for it. To them he had always been something weak and insignificant, a worthless thing to be disposed of as soon as possible, and his actions that day in the locker room had proved it. But instead of being thrown out the blonde had been sheltered and made safe, had been taken under the protective wing of not only Lieutenant Fair but also Commander Hewley. It had made their hatred for him even stronger, their desire to see him suffer even greater, their need to see him hurt even more demanding.

Cloud wasn't given time to think as more words from his tormentors broke through the surface of his pain, the spiteful voices quickly adding even more damage to his fragile state.

"What's the matter Cloud, you gonna cry?"

"I'm sure Fair will kiss you better," another voice added bitterly.

With those words the rest of the blonde's world fell away, the withdrawal leaving him in a strange silent void, his emotions swiftly condensing down until only one remained to burn intensely within him. There was no light to protect Cloud as the darkness greeted him with open arms, as it whispered words of encouragement for him to take his pain and now make it theirs.

The cadet who had spoken last was the first to go down, one hand holding a broken arm and his face a bloody mess as he struggled to breathe through a broken nose. The owner of the second voice was next and the sound of cracking ribs filled the air as a wash of crimson sprayed out over the blue mats, a perfectly aimed punch splitting his lip and allowing the blood to run free as he went down. The other two tormentors had been given an advantage of time to prepare as they watched the first two go down, but still it wasn't enough to save them from the blonde's fury. Cloud's suffering quickly became their own as the months of repressed anger and pain found release, as the cadet they had considered to be feeble helpless and weak proved them wrong. The rest of the room fell into a deathly silence as all within watched the blonde cadet snap, their eyes not only for the fight but also for the person who had now entered the room.

Cloud felt good, no better than good, he felt alive. His body no longer belonged to him, it was simply an instrument to exact revenge, to make everyone else suffer as he had and by Gaia it felt wonderful. A pair of arms suddenly wrapped themselves around his waist, pulling him away from the ones who needed to pay and he cried out in frustration. The need to destroy burned through him, overwhelming any sort of common sense he had while a voice deep within cheered him on. Blinded by rage Cloud gave up on trying to get free to hurt the others more and turned his frustration on the one who was holding him back. He twisted his body round fiercely catching the person by surprise and swung his fist at their face. The move had been unexpected and quick, giving the person no chance to defend themselves. Cloud heard the crack, felt his knuckles connect with bone, and knew he had won when he was suddenly released. He dropped to the floor and threw his body back, quickly taking a defensive stance ready to protect himself, his eyes instantly settling on the idiot who had tried to interfere.

The cadet's heart stopped beating and the breath caught in his throat, as silver hair floated down around a pale face and the eyes of general Sephiroth came up to meet his own. A part of Cloud watched in silent horror as a slight discolouration formed on the general's faced and quickly faded again, the other part uncaring of who the man was and only enraged that it had been stopped. A small part of the blonde's mind cried out that he should be afraid, the tiny sane portion knowing he was in trouble, and that his vengeful actions were going to cost him dearly. But most of Cloud's mind was gone now, the rational thoughts having abandoned him completely, as somewhere in the dark reassesses of his head a voice could be heard laughing manically in delight.

Zack couldn't believe what he was seeing, his heart now caught somewhere in his throat as it tried to escape his body. He had entered the room only seconds after Sephiroth, with both of them strangely arriving together, and had watched in shock as the blonde had let himself go. The surprise at seeing his normally docile and nervous boyfriend suddenly become a creature of rage and vengeance left the soldier frozen to the spot. It was only when Sephiroth had intervened and Cloud had sent the general's head snapping to one side that Zack had broken free of his trance, the cold knife of fear stabbing through his dazed state and bringing him back to his senses instantly. If it had been anyone else's face the soldier might have been silently proud of the blonde standing up for himself, but this wasn't just anyone and right now Zack was scared. The sound echoed loudly in the now deadly silent gym, as all eyes turned to watch the cadet die painfully for his insubordination.

"Oh shit." Zack breathed helplessly, as his body remained frozen in place and unable to move.

Sephiroth looked at the cadet in front of him curiously. The boy had just struck a superior officer and yet, instead of cowering away, he was actually standing in a perfect defensive stance ready for the next attack. He slowly took in the blonde's tense posture and battle ready form, deliberately drawing out the tension knowing from past experience that it would make the punishment so much more unsettling. He was therefore a little taken back when his eyes finally levelled with the cadets again and instead of fear he saw a dark rage burning with blue fire. He was just about to comment on what had happened when Cloud blinked, the simple act being nothing special in itself but changing the look within the cadet's eyes completely. Where there had been anger only moments ago Sephiroth now saw nothing in those blue orbs, the blonde having carefully hidden all of his emotions away. It was unlike anything he had ever seen before, especially in someone so young, the blonde's unusual and unexpected reaction only intriguing him more.

"An impressive strike cadet." He complimented softly, stroking his chin to emphasis the point.

He didn't need to look around him to see the jaws dropping in disbelief, nor did he need to check to see the looks of astonishment on the faces watching. Instead all of his attention was focused on the boy in front of him.

"What is your name?" Sephiroth enquired casually.

"Strife Sir, Cadet Strife." Cloud replied cautiously, his stance remaining unchanged as he faced the general.

Well Cadet Strife, you have an impressive right hook. Might I suggest a little more force with the body as you connect the punch, it tends to cause a little more damage."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir." The cadet responded uncertainly.

Sephiroth smiled noting the slight tremble in the boy's words, silently pleased that at last he was starting to get a reaction from the blonde.

"Would you care to explain why you have taken the liberty of knocking out several of your peers and leaving them in a bloody mess on my gym floor?"

There was a moment of hesitation before Cloud looked down, his eyes cautiously leaving Sephiroth's as he slowly took in the sight of the bodies sprawled out around him. With his mind now beginning to resurface from its hibernation the cadet realised just what he had done, understood the trouble he was in, and suddenly began to feel the weight of his actions bearing down on him.

"I'm sorry Sir. It won't happen again Sir."

"That would be a shame, don't you think?"

Cloud remained silent but blinked several times, his cautious blue eyes revealing his confusion at the general's words.

"Were they not the ones who hurt you before?"

Clouds body jerked involuntarily as his heart slammed into his chest. The general knew, of course the man knew, he knew everything.

"Sir?"

"If you had not fought back, would they have continued their attacks on you?"

Cloud hesitated before nodding in response.

"Then this display of strength was necessary to right that wrong. It has also been a good demonstration of your abilities."

Cloud felt his knees go weak and barely kept himself standing as he staggered slightly, his defensive stance gone completely.

"Lieutenant Fair?"

"Sir." Zack replied quickly, not daring to say anything else right now in case it broke this miracle.

"I believe it is time for your student to go now."

"Yes Sir." Zack said, already moving to Cloud's side.

He put his hands on either side of Clouds shoulders and began to steer the cadet towards the door. He felt the eyes on them as they left the room, could feel Clouds body beginning to shake in his hands, could hear the gasping breathes as the cadet tried to draw air into his body.

"Spiky?" He asked cautiously, as they left the building and entered the courtyard outside.

"I hit the general." The blonde croaked, his eyes very wide and face getting even paler.

"Yea, you did." Zack confirmed, jumping out of the way just in time as Cloud emptied his stomach onto the path.

He held the cadet's trembling form as it continued to heave, massaging gentle circles between the cadet's shoulder blades to ease the pain.

"That everything?" he asked softly, as the blonde's body finally settled down.

Cloud nodded for a second and then slumped forward in Zack's arms as he passed out, the emotional storm of the day finally catching up with him.

"I think that's enough for you for today." The soldier said, as he lifted the cadet's body into his arms bridal style and began to walk towards the apartment.

Zack looked down at the blonde in his arms and felt the sea of emotions wash over him, the sight of Cloud's delicate features making something within him grow warm and more protective of the cadet. He breathed a silent sigh of relief knowing that things could have gone a whole lot worse in there and that by some miracle Sephiroth had let the insubordination slip past. A sudden thought popped into the soldier's mind as he began to walk toward home, a strange sensation that he should talk to Angeal about it and soon running through his veins. A small moan from pale lips drew his attention away from the thought and back to the unconscious cadet in his arms, the sound revealing Cloud to be in some discomfort even in his current state.

"It's ok." Zack soothed gently, adjusting his grip so that he could hold the blonde closer to his body. "I'm taking you home now."

The soldier wasn't sure if the small sound he heard was supposed to be a response to his words, but the way Cloud's body instinctively pressed against his was enough to convince him that on some level the cadet had understood.

"Well at least tomorrow should be interesting." He informed the unconscious blonde, smiling faintly to himself as he tried not to think about what might happen next.


	29. Chapter 29: The secrets begin

**The secrets begin**

Thankfully Cloud had regained consciousness without the need to throw up again and after a short time of panicking over his actions had finally started to calm down. Zack had forced his own concerns to one side as they had talked, silently struggling to maintain the soothing notion that everything was going to be fine. In truth he wasn't sure if things were going to be alright, considering what Cloud had actually done, and because he had yet to hear from Angeal the soldier was sure something was wrong. But these were not things he wanted the cadet to know and certainly not things he wanted to think about himself. So the cheerful joking mask had been put on while they went over the event, with Cloud's continuous worries pouring out as Zack repeated the same mantra of things being ok. Eventually the blonde had worn himself out and thankfully hunger had taken a step forward to replace his thoughts, the physical emotion adding a perfect distraction just as the soldier's resolve over keeping the truth from the blonde was wavering.

To Zack's relief they had eaten dinner mostly in silence and he was quick to find a film for them to watch in the evening, his heart aching at the thought of having to repeat the same words again. Perhaps it was cowardly of him to avoid the subject, it certainly wasn't a good thing to do, but inside the soldier knew that he couldn't lie to Cloud. That if the cadet asked him anymore questions about what he thought then he might actually break and reveal his own fears of what could happen. But that was it wasn't it, the real reason why he wanted to avoid the topic again, his own worries and uncertainties eating away at him as he tried to make the cadet feel better. The truth was he didn't know what would happen because no one had ever hit the general before, at least no one who was still alive to talk about it, and this very fact made the soldier's chest feel tight.

The film had begun with both of them still tense and unable to relax, the stiffness in their bodies revealing them to be uncomfortable beside each other on the sofa. It had been Cloud to close the distance between them first, as his body finally gave into the tiredness it felt, and he leant against the soldier's chest for comfort as if it were a pillow. Zack had taken the action as a good sign and slowly raised an arm to wrap it around the cadet's shoulder's, carefully drawing the smaller frame closer to his own, and breathed a silent sigh of relief as Cloud had snuggled in against him. It wasn't long before the mental and physical exhaustion of the day finally caught up with the cadet, his eyes drifting closed as the sound of Zack's heart beating and the steady rise and fall of the soldier's chest lulled him into a deep sleep.

Zack waited a little longer as the movie played across the screen, his attention not on the story being told but the thoughts currently swirling about in his head. He absentmindedly ran strong fingers through the mass of blonde hair in front of him and drew on Cloud's peaceful expression as if it were a life line in his stormy sea of troubles. There was still so much uncertainty after everything that had happened, still so much he needed to know but had no one to ask. The soldier lent forward and placed a gentle kiss amongst the crown of golden spikes, momentarily closing his eyes to slowly breathe in the scent that was Cloud. The air which entered his body instantly filled him with a sense of calm, the sensation of the moment giving him a brief feeling of peace.

Reluctantly Zack moved back and looked down at Cloud again before turning his attention towards the clock in the kitchen, the time displayed showing that it was now after nine.

"Time for bed." The soldier whispered affectionately, as he moved to free himself of the position they were in.

Cloud hardly stirred as Zack tilted his body forward and then lowered him down onto the sofa so that he could stand, there was also no visible protests as the soldier bent down again and carefully lifted the cadet in his arms. A few minutes later and Cloud was tucked up in bed, the majority of his uniform having been removed slowly so that he wasn't woken. Zack was careful to only take off what was necessary for the cadet to sleep more comfortably, their relationship not yet at a point where he felt able to strip the sleeping blonde completely. After making sure that Cloud was settled and covered up sufficiently Zack made his way back into the living room, silently closing the door behind him so that any noises he made wouldn't disturb the cadet. He had barely sat down again when a soft knocking at the front door drew his attention towards it and thoughts of Angeal had him moving across the room in seconds.

It was therefore a surprise when he opened the door and was greeted but two figures, neither of which he had expected to see that evening.

"Reno, Cissnei?" He said, their names being spoken as a question in itself.

"Hello Zack." The brunet greeted softly, her gentle expression giving the soldier cause for concern.

"We need to talk." Reno added before anything else could be said.

"Now's not the best time." Zack replied, his eyes instinctively glancing towards the closed bedroom door to check it.

"He asleep?" Reno asked carefully, his foot now strategically positioned so that Zack couldn't close the door on them.

"Yes, why?"

"Because you and I are going for a beer and a chat." The red head replied evenly.

"I can't leave him alone Reno, you know that."

"Which is why Cissnei is here."

"It's true." The young female Turk chipped in kindly. "I'll watch over him while you boys are out talking."

"Thanks, but there's nothing to talk about." The soldier protested weakly, his head bowing slightly so that he didn't have to meet there eyes.

"Zack man, he attacked a group of cadets in class." Reno pointed out bluntly, his need to get through to the soldier outweighing anything else.

"I was there." The soldier informed them cautiously.

"Then you also know that he hit Sephiroth, theeee General Sephiroth." The red head spat out in a harsh whisper, his patience at trying to get through to his friend nearly gone now.

"I know, ok, I know." Zack snapped back, his worry and frustration now finding someone to vent on.

Both Turks looked at the soldier with concern, the mako glow now burning in his eyes showing that he was struggling with his emotions. The brunet and red head exchanged a quick glance, their expressions showing equal concern for their friend's current state.

"Zack this isn't like you." Cissnei pointed out calmly, her hand coming up to rest on the soldier's forearm. "Please, go with Reno and talk or at least get some air."

"I can't leave him." The soldier whispered, his voice sounding strained as he tried to remain in control of his anger.

"If you don't come and blow off some of that steam with me who are you gonna take it out on?" Reno asked, his direct question giving no doubt as to whom that person might end up being.

"I would never do that." Zack managed through gritted teeth, as he began to understand the implication of the red heads words.

"Not on purpose Zack, but it could happen." Cissnei added quickly, her hand now giving the soldier an affection squeeze. "Please trust me to look after him. If anything happens I will call you, I promise, but right now you need some space."

They watched anxiously as the soldier struggled with his thoughts and feelings, as he shifted restlessly in the door way while deciding what to do. Both breathed a silent sigh of relief when he nodded in agreement and moved to one side so that they could enter, with Cissnei moving silently over to the sofa and Reno remaining in the doorway while the soldier got his jacket. A few minutes later both Zack and Reno were leaving the apartment building, their progress down the path coming to a halt as a wave of guilt washed over the soldier causing him to stop and look back.

"Come on man, he'll be fine." The Turk reassured, gently pulling on Zack's arm to get his attention.

"I said an hour Reno and I mean it." The solder replied firmly, his eyes levelling with the red heads to show he was serious.

"Fine, but in that case you are going to talk."

"I told you there's nothing to ..."

"Damn it Zack I've known you too long to fall for that, so don't pull that shit with me." Reno cut in angrily. "Something's up and it's not just about what happened today. I saw it in your eyes yesterday as well, when Cloud went all quiet outside the diner, so we are going to talk whether you like it or not."

There was a moment of silence between them as both men simply stared at each other, the protesting words dying on Zack's lips as he took in the Turk's concerned expression. The annoyance quickly melted away to be replaced by guilt, the soldier now feeling regret for taking out his frustration on a friend, and knowing that in truth Reno was right. He looked away and sighed heavily before turning his gaze back towards the Turk, the need to talk to someone he could trust once more resurfacing within him.

"This another one of your serious 'friend talk' speech's?" The soldier asked, his attempt to lighten the mood giving Reno hope.

"Yes it is." The red head agreed hesitantly, his voice softer now as he tried to bring his own feelings back under control.

"I appreciate this Reno I really do, but I just don't know where to start." Zack admitted nervously, as he ran a hand through his untameable black spikes.

"Why don't we start with a beer and see what happens?" Reno suggested, his head nodding in the direction they should go.

"Ok, I guess that wouldn't hurt." The soldier agreed, the words being spoken as if to reassure himself more than the Turk.

"No, it won't." Reno agreed as they both began to move down the path again.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Far across the compound in another building there were two more friends who were about to have a similar discussion about the very same blonde haired cadet.

A knock at the door drew Sephiroth's attention away from the report on the desk in front of him and towards the person waiting patiently outside. He could already tell how it was by their very presence, the aura of the man currently hidden from sight being one he recognised easily.

"Come in Angeal." He called, knowing that the commander was only waiting out of respect for his rank.

The fact that Angeal had also done this was enough to let the general know that his friend was not here for a casual chat, the apparent need for formality showing the commander's unease about whatever it was they were about to discuss. Again Sephiroth had a pretty good idea what, or who they were soon to talk about.

"Seph?" Angeal asked cautiously as he entered the office, closing the door firmly behind him.

The general relaxed back in his chair and gave the commander a faint smile, silently letting the soldier know that formality was not needed here. It was clear from Angeal's hesitant use of his name that he wanted there to be an open discussion between them, but that he was also unsure how Sephiroth would react after what had happened today.

"You can relax Angeal, I am not going to punish the boy."

It was as if someone had suddenly cut the strings holding the commander up, his body practically slumping into the offered chair as he let out a relieved breath.

"I'm sorry Seph, if I had known ..."

"Angeal." Sephiroth cut in firmly, his eyes levelling with the commanders as he spoke. "You could not have known that any of this would happen."

"I still feel responsible. I did after all suggest he go back to class."

"And it was a wise decision." Sephiroth noted calmly. "No one could have predicted that there would be an incident like that."

"I still can't believe that he hit you. I'm not saying I approve of what he did to the other's, but to you ..."

"Angeal my friend I am glad you care so much, but let the matter go."

"What happens now?" The commander asked after a brief silence between them.

"The injured cadet's have been treated and will return to duties as will young Strife. I feel that things will be different for him in regard to them now."

"Do you think they will go after him?"

"Maybe, but not yet." Sephiroth spoke thoughtfully. "They will need time to work out his weaknesses before trying anything again."

"That is not a comfort." Angeal noted grimly.

"That is also not your main concern." The general added, his tone also becoming unsettled.

"What do you mean?"

"Young Strife's actions in the sector seven incident have made him stand out from his peers." Sephiroth replied carefully, as he observed the commander's growing unease.

"You mean by saving people lives?" Angeal questioned suspiciously, his chest tightening slightly as he began to get a bad feeling about where the discussion was going.

"It was not just anyone's life." The general corrected him, his eyes now watching his friend with concern. "He not only saved the lives of his patrol but also a high ranking soldier and he did it singlehandedly."

"He did what anyone would have done." The commander protested weakly, the bad feeling in his gut now spreading throughout his body.

"No." Sephiroth corrected harshly. "He acted above and beyond his station, and he did it with such efficiency that it has drawn unwanted attention his way."

"Who?"

"People who were content to ignore it as a passing interest until today."

"You mean Hojo?" Angeal asked, his blood now running cold.

"Yes." The general replied, his tone softer now as he saw the worry in his friend's eyes.

"Why would he be interested in Cloud?"

"In truth I am not sure. The boys' skills and abilities are already more than acceptable for a cadet, as we have already discussed, but they are still nothing compared to a soldier."

"What do you think it is Seph and be honest with me."

"I believe it was the detachment the boy showed during and after the incident." Sephiroth replied, sighing heavily as he let the weight of his words settle on the commander's shoulders. "It is rare to find a soldier potential who is able to distance themselves from the battle, it makes them ... valuable."

"It makes them better at what they do you mean." Angeal replied carefully, remembering to keep his rising anger in check.

They were both fully aware of the general's ability to switch off his limited emotions when necessary, the skill coming in quite useful when ShinRa required him to deal with a situation. It was something neither of them liked and both tried desperately to ignore.

"I saw it today Angeal, when he looked into my eyes. There was no emotion there, no fear, nothing."

"You almost sound surprised." Angeal noted cautiously, his hands now silently crushing the arm rests of the chair he sat in.

"I have met very few individuals who can meet my gaze Angeal, you of all people should know that." Sephiroth paused here, waiting patiently until the commander reluctantly nodded in agreement with his words. "This boy not only met my eyes but didn't hide away and in truth I found his expression to be ... unsettling."

Angeal's bowed head instantly snapped up to reveal a shocked expression upon his face, the wide eyes blinking for a few seconds as the commander quickly pulled himself back together.

"You ... but nothing unsettles you." He breathed, his own unease at the words evident in the tone of his voice.

"Indeed, which is why his case intrigues me."

"What are you going to do?"

"For now I will do my best to keep him safe for you, but my involvement must remain discrete. Hojo already pays enough attention in me, if he were to find out that I find the boy interesting it would only add to his own curiosity."

"How did he react to hearing that Cloud struck you."

"He wanted to know more of course."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him the truth, that the blow was nothing more than an accident which happened when I broke up a fight between Strife and some of the other cadet's during training."

"Thank you."

"Do not thank me yet. I may have protected the boy this time, but I still have to convince the man that Strife is not worthy of his attention at all."

"Then Hojo has not given up?"

"No. There is something about the boy which still intrigues him and until that is erased or replaced with something else he will be watching."

"What would he do to Cloud if ..."

"There is nothing he wouldn't do in the name of science and for ShinRa." Sephiroth cut in firmly, his eyes now glowing with a burning green of mako to show his repressed anger.

"I will speak with Zack and make sure that he keeps a careful watch over Cloud." Angeal replied quickly, his words being a reassurance not only for the general but also for himself.

"Just make sure there are no more incidents which draw attention towards him." Sephiroth warned as gently as he could.

"I will." The commander responded confidently, his need to protect the people he cared about giving him strength and determination.

After a few minutes Angeal rose from his chair and left, his silent departure not being an insult to Sephiroth but more of an indication of how strongly he was being affected by the turn of events. The general listened as his friend left the outer office and moved away down the corridor, his enhanced hearing following the commander as far as it could until he was out of range. Then and only then did Sephiroth return his attention back to the report on his desk.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Back at Zack's apartment Cissnei sat quietly watching the television, her eyes occasionally being inexplicably drawn towards the bedroom door as she waited for the boys to return. She found herself wondering about the cadet who currently slept in what she knew was Zack's room, silently questioning how close the two had actually become in the past few weeks. The brunet sighed as she thought of the soldier's reaction again, his slipping control at the door showing that he did indeed have strong feelings towards the blonde. She whispered a silent prayer to the air that Cloud would remain sleeping and oblivious to Zack's absence, somehow knowing that if he awoke while the soldier was gone it would only cause more problems.


	30. Chapter 30: Friend's talk

**First of all Happy New Year to everyone and best wishes to you all. **

**Sorry for the slight delay in updating but the holidays actually left me with less time to work on my stories than I had hoped for and then to top it off my PC had a mini melt down just when I started to get time to work on my fic's. I'm sure the fates are laughing somewhere. **

**Anyway, here is another chapter. I did proof read and edit but because I wanted to get it posted there may be odd erros for which I can only apologise.**

**As always please read, enjoy and if you get a chance review. Thanks.**

* * *

**Friend's talk**

"Ok, time to talk." Reno stated, as he settled himself into the booth they had acquired and handed Zack a beer.

At first the soldier didn't respond to the Turk's presence or the drink in front of him, his violet eyes simply staring blankly past it all as if he were lost somewhere within himself. It was not a look the Turk was used to seeing in his friends face and it made him feel uneasy, the normally vibrate glow of Zack's personality now clearly being dampened by whatever was troubling him.

"Zack?" The red head enquired cautiously.

"Do you remember that conversation we had about him and me ... being more then friends." The soldier asked hesitantly, catching Reno by surprise.

"I take it you mean before you actually got together?" The Turk asked carefully.

"Yea." Zack agreed with a soft sigh.

"Sure, how could I forget, it's the only time we really talked about it back then."

"Do you remember how you tried to convince me to ... talk to him about my feelings?"

"Sure." The red head replied uncertainly. "Why?"

"Do you remember what I told you, at the end of our conversation?"

For a moment Reno just stared at the soldier in confusion, the question being one he had not expected and the 'talk' they were having going in a direction he didn't understand. Just like Angeal the red head had seen the way the soldier's eyes would glow when he spoke of the cadet, had noticed the flushed expression when thoughts or discussion of the blonde had arisen between them. It hadn't taken Reno long to realise that the fondness which Zack had for the blonde was more than just being a friend and mentor, that the soldier's feelings stemmed much deeper than he wanted to admit. They had only once really discussed the possibility of Zack having a relationship with Cloud, the memory of that night now filling Reno's mind and quickly drawing him back to the past.

It had been a pleasant Friday evening, a couple of weeks before the cadet's incident in the locker room, and they had been chilling out in the soldier's apartment after a long week. The conversation hadn't even been intentional when it came up, just one of those fortunate coincidences, as they happily spent some time catching up over a few beers and playing on Zack's games console.

"_**Man, you play these games way to much Fair." Reno declared, as the screen flashed up the soldier's winning score.**_

"_**What can I say, it helps to burn off energy when I can't use the VR training room." Zack replied with a small chuckle.**_

"_**Maybe you should find someone to burn off that energy with, instead of sitting on your lonesome playing these games every night." The Turk teased, as he was passed a fresh drink.**_

"_**I'm not alone every night, thank you very much." The solider defended himself, while giving the Turk a playful smack to the shoulder.**_

"_**Fine, but you still need someone to burn that energy off with." The red head continued, his joking expression now becoming a little more serious.**_

"_**Not this again." Zack sighed as he flopped down on the sofa.**_

"_**I'm just saying that considering where we are, and the high number of male employees, out of the two of us you should be the one hooked up by now."**_

"_**It's not that simple Reno."**_

"_**Yea yea, I know. You want a deep and meaningful relationship and not a one night stand."**_

"_**I'm just waiting for the right person."**_

"_**What if you've already found him, but you don't even realise it?" Reno suggested casually, as he lent back against the soldier's legs.**_

"_**Reno, are you trying to confess your love for me?" Zack exclaimed dramatically, throwing himself forward so he could wrap his arms around the red head's shoulders. **_

"_**Bite me soldier boy, you know I didn't mean me." The Turk replied, as he shoved the arms away and sat up properly.**_

"_**Really?" Zack pouted with mock heartbreak, his face barely holding the expression as it quickly broke into a smile at Reno's expense. **_

"_**Yes, really! Now stop grinning like a mad man Fair and get a grip on yourself."**_

"_**What? I'm just smiling."**_

"_**Your face is practically splitting in two and I can see your molars."**_

"_**Fine, so I'm grinning." The soldier agreed before chuckling at the glare he received.**_

"_**Damn right you are." The Turk concluded firmly.**_

_**There was a moment between them where neither spoke as Zack continued to laugh, the infectious sound soon drawing Reno in as well. It was only once the red head smiled and rolled his eyes that the soldier took a chance to get a new topic going, his attempt failing miserable on the first try.**_

"_**So what do you want for dinner?" **_

"_**Pizza and don't try to change the subject." Reno answered with a knowing smile.**_

"_**I'm not."**_

"_**Yes you are."**_

"_**Fine I am, but I've already told you I'm waiting for Mr Right." Zack reminded him as he gave into what he now knew was a losing battle.**_

"_**And I asked you, what if you've already found him." Reno repeated more firmly this time.**_

"_**If you say Angeal I am going to kill you, painfully." The soldier warned.**_

"_**Give me some credit, I know you and Hewley aren't involved." The Turk replied, this time with an exaggerated roll of his eyes.**_

"_**Then what are you talking about?"**_

"_**I am referring to a certain cadet you know quite well."**_

"_**Cloud?" Was the gasped response.**_

"_**Yea, him." The red head confirmed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.**_

_**Violet eyes blinked rapidly in surprise as Zack tried to think of what to say, his mouth opening and closing several times before he finally found the words he needed.**_

"_**I'm his mentor Reno."**_

"_**You care about him, right?"**_

"_**Like a mentor would."**_

"_**You spend a lot of time with him."**_

"_**I help him train, like a mentor would."**_

"_**And you always check up on him."**_

"_**I'm tracking his progress, like a mentor would."**_

"_**Ugh Fair you're impossible." The red head groaned before continuing. "Now stop saying 'like a mentor would' in that tone, we both know you like him."**_

"_**I don't want to talk about this Reno." The soldier growled as a warning.**_

"_**Zack you can't ignore what you feel." The Turk continued, choosing to ignore it as the discussion between them became more serious.**_

"_**What I feel doesn't matter. He's a cadet and I'm his ... mentor."**_

"_**If you like him you need to tell him."**_

"_**I can't."**_

"_**Why not?"**_

"_**You of all people should understand."**_

"_**Oh yea, the whole mentor dating issue thing."**_

"_**Uuuummm yea, that thing."**_

"_**Don't snip at me Fair, it's not my fault you actually have feelings for the kid."**_

"_**He's not a kid Reno."**_

"_**No he's not and neither are you. So what, apart from the mentor thing, is holding you back?"**_

"_**Isn't that enough, I mean he already get's teased for it."**_

"_**He's told you that?"**_

"_**No, but I've seen the way he is sometimes and I know."**_

"_**The joys of having personal experience."**_

"_**Yea, that would be the one."**_

_**Reno only glared at Zack for the sarcastic tone of his comment before pushing the issue again with another question.**_

"_**Does he like you as well?"**_

"_**I ... I don't know, it's not exactly something we talk about." The soldier replied a little taken back by the possibility.**_

"_**Then he does like you." The red head concluded happily.**_

"_**And how do you work that out?"**_

"_**Well, you and Angeal used to talk about it all the time..."**_

"_**Not all the time."**_

"_**Fine, but you did talk about it. The fact he and you don't means there's something you're both afraid to say."**_

"_**Reno I ..."**_

"_**Now what? I mean its one thing to have a one sided crush on someone, but if you both feel the same way."**_

"_**Damn it Reno, I said I didn't want to talk about this. At the end of the day I'm his mentor and I can't be anything else even if I wanted to."**_

"_**Why?" The Turk demanded.**_

"_**Because I'm a soldier and he's a cadet." Zack snapped back, as the conversation between them became more heated.**_

"_**So?"**_

"_**So ... so it wouldn't be right to push my feelings on him."**_

"_**But what if he felt the same way? What if he likes you as well?"**_

"_**He's never given me a reason to think that."**_

"_**And I bet you've never given him a reason to think it either."**_

"_**Look, at the end of the day he wants to be a soldier and I'm just the guy that's helping him to get there."**_

"_**That's a little harsh."**_

"_**It's the truth Reno." **_

"_**Zack man, you're like a brother to me so know that I care about you when I say you're an idiot."**_

"_**Thanks." The soldier huffed as he rose to his feet and walked towards the kitchen.**_

"_**You're welcome." The red head called after him, his voice only pausing for a minute as he drew in a breath before continuing. "Seriously Fair, you need to lighten up. Invite him over for dinner and get to know him better, call it a review meeting or study session if you have to but for Gaia's sake talk to him."**_

_**A strained silence grew around them as neither spoke for a few minutes, as Zack pretended to be focused on putting the frozen pizza in the oven and Reno quietly studied his every move. The was no denying the internal struggle he could see within the raven haired man's body, the stiffness of his shoulders and the flashes of emotions in his eyes revealing more than words ever could. The red head had just been about to speak again when the soldier had sighed heavily, his head bowing forward as he lent against the worktop for physical support to his emotional dilemma.**_

_**"Maybe in a few months I can, but not now." Zack reluctantly agreed, his voice still sounding uncertain.**_

"_**Give me three good reasons why." Reno challenged carefully, his tone being calm and attempting for neutral as the tension between them remained.**_

"_**One, he's a cadet and I'm a soldier."**_

"_**Poor excuse, but vaguely relevant so continue."**_

"_**Two, he's training hard and I don't want his achievements being associated to me in that way."**_

"_**Annoyingly possible, so ok I accept that one as well."**_

"_**And three, he's still cautious around me."**_

"_**He is?" The Turk asked in surprise, the knowledge that someone hadn't instantly melted under the soldier's charm leaving him momentarily stunned.**_

"_**Yea." Zack confirmed with another heavy sigh.**_

"_**Have you considered the possibility that he's just scared of showing his true feelings for you?" Reno suggested offhandedly, as he moved to sit on the sofa instead of staying on the floor where his bum was now going numb.**_

"_**What?" The soldier breathed, his eyes coming up to meet the red heads and open wide in shock.**_

"_**Man you are so naive sometimes it's almost funny." The Turk remarked, while laughing softly as he settled back against the cushions. **_

"_**Well I'm glad I amuse you." Zack grumbled, as he moved back into the living room.**_

"_**Seriously Fair, what if the kid's just afraid of showing his feelings like you are?"**_

"_**I can't take that chance Reno, not when he's only just begun to trust me as a friend."**_

"_**So you'd rather keep your distance?"**_

"_**Yes." The soldier confirmed, his voice showing his dislike for the decision but also his certainty that it was the right one.**_

"_**And what if he feels more than that, what if he needs you but is too scared to admit it?"**_

"_**If he does then he'll talk about it when he's ready and until then things will carry on as normal."**_

"_**So you're just going to leave it?"**_

"_**For now, I mean, what's the worst that can happen?"**_

The flashback finished playing through his head and suddenly the Turk wasn't so sure about what he knew, his mind raging like a storm as he tried to work out why that conversation would be so significant.

"What are you saying?" Reno asked nervously, the churning in his gut letting him know there was something he was missing and it was something big.

"Think about it for a minute." The soldier informed him sadly without looking up.

The red head lent back in his chair and glared before he began to analyse the memory carefully, his mind slowly putting the pieces together as an unsettling feeling began to form in his stomach. He had known that something serious had happened to bring Zack and Cloud together and simply associated it with the near fatal beating, the prospect of losing the cadet making the soldier admit to his feelings after all. But now Reno was not so sure, the conversation between them suddenly having more meaning than he could have possibly imagined. It didn't make sense for Zack to be so upset about what had happened, not unless there was something about it which he wasn't saying. The last part of their conversation had been the soldier's offhanded comment about what could be the worst to happen, the words really having no significance to the incident unless ...

"Zack did he ... I mean ..." The Turk began fearfully, his heart now racing as he considered the horrifying possibility.

"It wasn't an accident." The soldier confirmed, the words being spoken in an almost heartbroken tone.

"Shit." Reno breathed, as he absorbed the revelation. "But you said ..."

"I never said anything." Zack cut in firmly, his eyes meeting with the Turk's and glowing brightly. "I just never corrected anyone." He continued shamefully, as he looked away again.

"You should have told me." Reno pointed out firmly, his blunt reply letting the soldier know he was hurt and angry by the secrecy between them.

"I'm sorry."

"Well at least it explains why you're so protective of him." The Turk sighed after a moment, his words and tone revealing that the apology had been accepted.

"You were right, I was an idiot for not talking to him sooner." The soldier whispered, as he played with now empty glass in his hand.

"You couldn't have known what would happen, what he would ..."

"Reno." Zack interrupted, his voice laced with guilt and pain. "He didn't think anyone wanted him."

"Zack I ..."

"But you knew, you said he might need someone." The soldier continued, lost to his own torment.

"I was guessing Zack, that and nothing more. " The Turk cut in firmly. "You can't beat yourself up about not seeing it coming."

"Damn it Reno I should have seen the trouble he was in."

"Did he ever talk to you about it?" Reno demanded firmly, his tone making Zack look at him now.

"No, he kept most of it hidden."

"Then you couldn't have known."

"But I shouldn't have kept my distance."

"You did what you thought was best, he ..."

"Don't you see," The soldier choked painfully. "He ... he nearly died because I was too scared to let him know the truth."

"Zack" Reno repeated gently. "You can't blame yourself for what happened, you were his mentor and friend but he still didn't come to you."

"Are you saying it's his fault?" The soldier challenged, his voice becoming hard and deadly.

"No, but I'm trying to get you to see that it's not all your fault either." The red head replied before sighing heavily. "Whatever guilt trip you're on is a two person ride, and Cloud belongs right there beside you, so stop kicking yourself over it."

There was another moment of silence between them as they stared into each other's eyes, the soldier's violet spheres now glowing and filled with a storm of emotions. Reno looked deep into the depths of the burning mako and recognised the guilt and pain, saw past the anger and self hatred lurking beneath the surface, and almost cried out in relief when some of it began to fade. He watched silently as the whirlwind of feelings began to dissipate within the heated gaze and Zack's expression began to relax, his own body calming when he heard a soft sight escaping the soldier's lips as they began to form a faint smile.

"You're a good friend Reno."

"I try."

"You think I'm mad for promising him to never keep secrets between us, don't you?"

"Yes and no." The Turk answered honestly.

"Care to explain?"

"Yes because I know what we do and it's going to be hard when there's something you can't talk about."

"And no?"

"No, since I now get why you're afraid of there being secrets. Because most of your problems have been caused by either one or both of you not being honest."

"Exactly."

"Just be careful Zack, I know that what you two have is ... that you ..."

"I love him Reno,"

"Yea, I know." The red head sighed with a faint smile on his face.

"And that worries you, doesn't it?" The soldier asked cautiously.

"Damn it Zack," Reno began uneasily, as he ran a nervous hand through his hair. "I want you to be happy, I really do, but ..."

"But?"

"But Cloud has some serious issues to deal with and I'm worried he's going to hurt you in the processes."

"So you think I should just walk away, that I should abandon him now when he needs me the most?"

Reno sighed as the words were all but spat in his face, the undeniable anger back in Zack's voice and the rage fuelled glow once more visible in his eyes.

"No I don't think that, but I do think you need to get a grip on your emotions before something goes seriously wrong."

"I am in complete control of ..."

"Oh please. " Reno cut in angrily. "You're in control of nothing right now. You're so worried about him and what could happen that you can't see past it, that the rest of the world doesn't even exist. It's a dangerous position to be in at the best of times and for a soldier it' even worse ... or do you plan on getting shot again?"

Zack opened his mouth to argue, his fury giving him the fuel to speak but his mind unable to find the words he needed. His lips closed leaving them both in an awkward silence, the conversation between them faltering, as he realised that Reno was right.


	31. Chapter 31: Friend's talk continued

**Just a quick update with another chapter.**

**Please read, enjoy and review :o)**

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**Friend's talk - continued**

It had been a little awkward after that, the conversation between them being broken and uncomfortable as they tried to change the subject to something which was safer to talk about. Unfortunately they couldn't avoid it for long and eventually Cloud's problems had once again been the topic of discussion, only this time the soldier was calmer as they spoke and the earlier anger was nowhere to be seen. The red head knew that it had been his comment about the soldier getting shot which had brought about this change, the possibility of such a thing happening again hitting Zack like a slap in the face. Reno also knew it was wishful thinking to believe that it was gone completely, but he allowed the illusion to play out and took comfort in the fact at least they were speaking about it again.

Neither noticed the people coming and going around them, so that other than the barmaid's occasional interruptions to replenish their drinks they were left alone to talk. Eventually the exchange of words between them became lighter again and more relaxed, the dialogue slowly falling back into a familiar and comforting banter once more. At first they talked about the cadet's achievements and his strengths, the positive aspects which they could work on and build upon to make him stronger. It was only when things were more settled between them that they talked about the blonde's other problems in more depth, his past experiences and current emotional issues being a sensitive subject for the pair. These however didn't even come close to their main concern involving Cloud's incident with Sephiroth, the fact that Angeal still hadn't been in touch making both feel uneasy about the whole thing.

"Maybe you should give him a call." Reno suggested, as he finished off the last of his drink.

"I guess." Zack sighed, his tone clearly revealing his reluctance to do so.

"Man Fair, you are such a wimp sometimes." The Turk persisted, his amused smile barely suppressing the laughter which was slowly building within him.

"I'm not a wimp." The soldier huffed in response, his pouting expression only adding to the red heads humorous grin.

"Fine, you're not, but you still need to do it."

"Ok, ok, I'll do it now." Zack grumbled, as he dug his phone out of his pocket.

Unfortunately both had become so caught up in their own little world that neither had noticed the time passing them by, the minutes becoming hours as the night silently moved on around them. Had the soldier looked at his phone before flipping it open he would have seen the time and known not to make the call, the clearly displayed numbers now revealing it to by much later than either of them had realised. It was therefore a surprise to Zack when a tired but clearly worried voice suddenly answered his call.

"Zack, what's wrong?"

"Uuummm, nothing I ... just ..."

"Is it Cloud, has something else happened?" Angeal's voice interrupted, the concern very evident in the deep rich tones of his voice.

"No, I ... I just ... Hey wait a minute, what do you mean something else? You know about ... about earlier?"

"Yes I am aware of his unfortunate meeting with Sephiroth." The commander replied before sighing heavily, his initial anxiety now replaced with a tired unease.

"And you didn't call me." The soldier all but shouted down the phone, his anxiety and dread finally reaching their limit.

Unfortunately the outburst had also made Angeal reach his, the warning tone in his voice letting Zack know that he was pushing his luck although he didn't realise it.

"I felt it best to talk to you about it in the morning face to face."

"Have you spoken to him? Is he going to punish Spiky? What about ...."

"Zack!" Angel's voice cut in sternly, the word being spoken loud enough that even Reno jumped when he heard it.

"Yes." The soldier replied, swapping the phone to his other ear and rubbing the one which was now ringing slightly.

"It is one in the morning, I do not wish to discuss this now." The commander explained calmly, after taking a deep steadying breath.

"It's what?" Zack choked in surprise, his eyes widening as he frantically looked around for a clock to confirm the statement.

"After one." Angeal repeated with a sigh, his tone changing and becoming suspicious when he heard the soldier cursing softly down the phone at him. "Zack, where are you?"

"With Reno." Was the hesitant and clearly guilty reply.

"I said where not who, although now I know that I can probably guess where you are."

"It's not like that Angeal." The soldier protested weakly, his eyes levelling with the Turks and communicating that they were probably in trouble.

"I hope for both your sakes that Cloud is not with you."

"No, he's at home sleeping." Zack replied nervously, knowing that response wasn't going to be any better based on the commanders annoyed tone.

"Please tell me he is not on his own, especially after today." Angeal groaned, the weariness of his voice making the soldier's heart race even more.

"No, Gaia no Angeal." Zack protested quickly. "Cissnei's there and she's watching him. We only planned on being an hour but ..."

"But what Zack?"

"I needed this Angeal, I know that sounds pathetic but I was ... I was starting to lose it and Reno came and he ... he ..."

"Alright, alright." The commander interrupted before sighing heavily. "I understand that you must have been worried and if I had called earlier it might have made things easier."

"I really didn't mean to be out this late." The soldier continued, his voice clearly revealing the regret of his actions. "We got talking about him and I don't know time just disappeared."

"It's alright Zack," Angeal repeated again, his soothing tone trying to ease the soldier's growing distress. "I understand that this must be hard for you and I'm not angry. If anything I'm glad you had the sense to get some time away from him to sort yourself out."

"It was Reno's idea." The soldier admitted quietly, the faint smile he got from the red head offering a small amount of reassurance.

"Tell him it was a good one, for once." I will Zack replied with a soft chuckle, the sound making both the commander and Turk relax a little.

"Zack." Angeal continued after a moment of silence between them. "I know that this ... relationship between you and Cloud is important to you but ..."

"But?" The soldier asked nervously, as the commander's words hesitated.

"But I want you to be careful."

"You're starting to sound like Reno." Zack replied, his voice quickly becoming guarded as he made the fact known.

"Then perhaps I have more to be concerned about it than I thought." Angeal mused aloud, the unease very evident in his words.

"There might be some things you should know." The soldier agreed cautiously, his eyes connecting with the Turk across the table who was now looking at him questioningly.

"Then we should talk in my office later, but for now I suggest that you go home and get some sleep."

"Sure, now worries, we're going now."

"Good, now remember my office at eight sharp."

"Ok, night Angeal."

"Goodnight Zack." The commander replied gently, his voice softening now that he knew they would be able to discuss Cloud's case openly.

The soldier had barely hung up when Reno started asking question, the spill of words only coming to a halt when Zack raised a hand to silence him.

"I'll talk as we walk." He informed the red head firmly, already rising to his feet and throwing some money on the table.

"What's the rush?" Reno asked confused, as he hurried to catch up with the soldier who was before heading towards the door.

"It's gone one in the morning Reno." Zack called back, his purposefully strides carrying him along the path with a speed the Turk had not expected.

"Damn it Zack, slow down." The red head protested, as he all but jogged to keep up.

"I thought you were fast." The soldier joked half-heartedly as he continued the pace.

"Either run or walk Fair, but this military march thing you got going isn't my style."

"Fine I'll slow down, but keep up."

They continued to make their way back towards the base at an even pace, the soldier's strides still keeping the pair moving at a fast walk which the Turk was just able to keep up with. Neither spoke as they passed the various buildings which marked their route back towards Zack's apartment, both men lost to their own thoughts as they followed the familiar path in the quiet of the night.

Reno was still trying to decide if Cloud's confessions had been a good thing or not, his happiness at the developing honesty between the pair also conflicting with the need to protect his friend. The Turk sighed knowing that in the end it was already too late to protect Zack from having his heart broken if the cadet suddenly lost it, that if the soldier was forced to let the blonde go it would probably destroy him as well. The red head was also bothered by the promise they had made of having no secrets, the idea being good in theory but never really possible in practice. He knew from his own experience that there were things Zack would never be able to talk about, covert missions or classified assignments which they would be assigned that required the highest levels of security clearance. He had even tried to point this out during their discussion but Zack had not seen the problem, his confidence in Cloud's trust in him blinding the soldier to the possible danger.

Then there was the blonde himself admitting to things which they had only guessed at, his stories hinting at a childhood which they could never have imagined for someone. The Turk had guessed that there was more to Cloud's past than just having a rough time at ShinRa, the deep seated rage within the cadet's eyes being the unspoken evidence of years of torment and abuse. But he would never have guessed it to be so bad, that the cadet had actually given up on feeling he deserved happiness and joy in his life. Reno shuddered as Zack's words repeated in his mind, the way he had described Cloud's admission chilling him to the very core and only making the unsettling feeling stronger. A sudden thought occurred to Reno, a thought which made his heart convulse in his chest. What if Cloud became solely dependent on Zack? What if the soldier became the single object holding the cadet together, the bond between them being the only thing to keep the blonde from completely losing his mind.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear Zack calling to him until the soldier shouted his name.

"Reno!"

"Yea." The Turk shot back, jumping slightly at the sudden interruption to his thoughts.

"You ok? You were pretty distant just then."

"Just thinking." Reno replied faintly, his eyes momentarily unable to meet with the soldier's until he had calmed himself.

"You want to talk about it?" Zack asked cautiously, his instincts already telling him what the conversation would be about based on the red heads averted gaze.

"You already know how I feel about certain things and I'm keeping it to myself like you ... suggested." The Turk replied evenly.

"I didn't mean to snap at you back then." The soldier apologised awkwardly, remembering the moment well.

"It's ok you're forgiven, after all what are friends for." Reno joked back, trying to lighten the mood as they entered the lift.

"Yea." Zack sighed in agreement, a faint smile appearing on his face.

"Just do me a favour and don't keep all this stuff to yourself."

"I'm still worried about what's going to happen tomorrow." Zack admitted, as the lift came to a stop and the doors opened.

"If it was going to be bad Angeal would have warned you not made you wait till the morning to talk about it." Reno pointed out helpfully, his hand moving up to pat the soldier's shoulder reassuringly.

"Yea, you're right." Zack sighed, as he slid his key card through the lock and pushed the door open.

Inside the apartment Cissnei sighed as she heard the door open and the low but easily recognisable voices drifted into the room. She was up and out of the chair in a second, her quick reflexes moving her towards the door before Zack had even cleared the threshold.

"Where have you been?" She demanded in a harsh whisper, her sudden appearance catching both men by surprise.

"Sorry we lost track of time." Zack replied apologetically, while trying not to smile as Reno cursed the girl's stealth under his breath.

Cissnei ignored the red heads comments and smiled back, her relief at seeing the soldier smile and being relieved of babysitting duty now very clear on her face.

"How's it been?" Zack asked as he moved into the apartment.

"Boring actually." Cissnei replied thoughtfully. "Not that I wanted anything to happen, but you know."

"Well I appreciate it all the same. In fact I probably owe you a drink as well." The soldier offered by way of thanks.

"I'd like that." The brunette agreed before Reno cut in.

"We should get going."

"Sure." Zack agreed, his thoughts already drifting to the blonde in his bed. "Thanks again."

"No worries." The red head replied with a smile, as he grabbed the Turk beside him and began to steer her towards the door.

Zack watched with an amused expression as Cissnei waved back over her shoulder and Reno rolled his eyes at her, the pair barely closing the door before they started to argue. The soldier managed to restrain the laughter which bubbled up inside him and instead allowed a small chuckle to escape his mouth, the lips forming a soft smile as his eyes drifted towards the closed bedroom door. Suddenly Zack felt tired, his body aching not only from the long day but also with an undeniable need to lie beside Cloud and hold him tight.

Realising that he now stunk of alcohol and cigarettes Zack quickly hurried towards the bathroom, his hair getting a quick wash and his aching muscles a few minutes to soak as he cleansed his skin of the distinctive smell of being in a bar. It was closer to two in the morning by the time he was finished and safely tucked up in bed where he belonged, his arms quickly wrapping around Cloud's slender figure and gently easing it back against him. It was only when he felt the cadet's heart beating against his own that the tension within him truly began to ease, his body relaxing into the soft mattress as the strains of the day slowly faded away and he drifted off to sleep.


	32. Chapter 32: Unexpected

**Sorry it's been so long but I got a little bit distracted by 'New year' one of my latest 4WS saga instalments. Needless to say I am very embarrassed for letting this story suffer as a result of my divided attention and I can only apologize for not posting this chapter sooner.**

**Just one quick question, hands up if you thought the next day was going to work out smoothly for the pair? ... Yea, me neither.**

**I hope you enjoy and please review so I know what you think :o)**

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**Unexpected**

Cloud's head was a mess as he sat at the small dining table and looked towards the distant night sky, his mind a raging storm of conflicting thoughts and feelings. The dream which had woken him was still there, the terrifying images still playing on a constant loop behind his eyes for him to see over and over again. There was no way to escape the haunting events which had taken place within his subconscious, no freedom from the traumatising words which still echoed in his ears. The blonde closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath, a hand instinctively moving to hold his stomach as the nauseous feeling swept through him once more. That had been the reason or him getting up so early, so that he could be sick after such a terrifying nightmare, but it was not why he now found himself alone in the living room.

The explanation for his self appointed isolation was much more complicated than that, the endless bombardment of fears and uncertainty making sleep almost impossible for him now. Cloud knew that it all stemmed from what he had done yesterday, his actions within the gym and striking a superior officer being something which could not go unpunished. The cadet knew that it just wasn't possible for everything to be alright as Zack had said it would be, because deep down inside he understood that something needed to happen. His assault on the general was insubordination in its simplest form, a crime for which he should have been reprimanded immediately. But nothing had happened to him that evening, no one had come to take him away for a disciplinary hearing or imprisonment within one of the cells on the base.

This had been the reason for his nightmare, the fear of Sephiroth coming after him in the night to exact his own revenge for the crime committed. Again he felt the imagined sensation of the general's sword impaling his body, the envisioned pain causing him to shudder and the breath he took to catch in his throat. A small whimper passed over parted lips before it could be stopped, the blonde allowing a moment of fear to show before he quickly sealed it away deep within himself. The emotion fought as it was forced away, the last remaining sensations leaving Cloud with the need to go back into the bedroom and hold the soldier tight. But he couldn't do that now, not after he had found the dirty clothes in the laundry basket and detected the unmistakable smell. There was no way the material should have held that scent, not unless Zack had gone out while he slept and left him behind. The cadet could think of only one reason why the soldier would do such a thing, his already tortured mind twisting the pain of the discovery and leaving him feeling betrayed. Cloud felt his chest tighten as the voice in his head convinced him that Zack was attempting to move on, was distancing himself from the foolish cadet who had basically committed career suicide with his own stupidity.

A lone tear broke free and travelled gracefully down over a pale cheek, the single drop being the only sign that Cloud had accepted this possibility. It was for the best after all, that all the things which the soldier had been working for his entire life were protected. The cadet couldn't understand why they hadn't come for him yet but he knew that they would, just like he was certain that Zack's life was more important than his own. With a new sense of purpose and determination the blonde picked up the pencil beside the pad in front of him and began to write, the words now pouring from his mind as his hand frantically tried to explain it all on paper. Once more his heart began to ache painfully as he tried to express himself, the need to say goodbye in his own way burning intensely within him, before fate could intervene and silently tear them apart forever.

It was a few hours later before the soldier finally awoke to the morning light, his hand blindly reaching out for the cadet who should have been lying beside him. When he found nothing but air and the feel of cold sheets against his fingers Zack knew that Cloud had been gone for a while. Cursing softly under his breath the soldier quickly rose from their bed and made his way towards the door in search of the blonde, his calloused palms rubbing firmly against bleary eyes as he tried to clear the remaining sleep from his sight.

Back inside the living room Cloud was becoming increasingly annoyed, the pencil in his hand being absentmindedly chewed to pieces as he struggled to express himself properly. With a deep irritated sigh the cadet looked back down at the pad in front of him, the words he had written still not right for what he was trying to say. With a frustrated growl Cloud threw the pencil back on the table and grabbed at the top sheet of paper, forcefully tearing it free of the spiral binding and screwing it into the tightest ball possible.

"Damn it, why can't I get this right?" The blonde snarled, his hands now threading through his golden spikes and pulling firmly at the roots.

"Get what right?" A cautious voice asked from across the apartment, causing Cloud to look up in surprise.

Angry blue eyes came up to level with shocked and concerned violet spheres, the unexpected expressions leaving both momentarily speechless as they simply stared at each other in silence.

"Spiky?" Zack asked nervously, his instincts screaming that something was wrong and that it was bad.

"You went out last night." Cloud noted, the even tone not revealing much but letting him know it was pointless to argue.

"Yea, I did." The soldier admitted, his whole body now feeling very heavy as he slumped against the bedroom doorframe. "How did you know?"

"Because I found your clothes in the washing basket earlier." The cadet replied as he looked away, his eyes closing to conceal the conflicting emotions being felt within.

The action had not been quick enough and Zack had seen the anger being replaced, had seen what the blonde was trying to hide and knew it was his fault. It had been a foolish mistake on his part, the shower getting rid of the smell on him but not on his clothes. The soldier silently cursed his own stupidity for not being more careful, then realising the deceit involved in what he had been thinking scolded himself for allowing such traitorous thoughts to enter his mind. How could he have an open and honest relationship with someone if he was already keeping things from them.

"Cloud look at me, please." Zack begged softly, his body remaining in place although it fought to move and hold the blonde tight.

"Why?" The cadet breathed, the word barely a whisper in the quiet room.

"Because I need you to see that what I'm about to say is the truth."

A small biter chuckle escaped pale pink lips and the soldier felt his inside grow cold, the tension between them somehow increasing because of his words.

"If you wanted to tell me the truth you wouldn't have tried to hide it from me." Cloud pointed out bluntly, his eyes still remaining closed and his body still turned away.

"I haven't hidden anything from you." Zack informed him gently.

"Then why didn't you tell me you were going out?"

"Because I hadn't planned on doing it." The soldier replied carefully. "You were asleep when Reno turned up and I didn't want to wake you."

"So you just left me."

This time the words were not cold or empty of emotion, in fact the hurt and betrayal felt within them was almost something you could touch. Zack staggered as the sensations hit him and felt his heart slam painfully into the walls of his chest, his legs carrying him towards the cadet before he realised he was even moving. Powerful arms were wrapped around Cloud's torso in seconds, the strong limbs holding on fiercely as the cadet struggled and fought to pull away.

"Get off me!" The blonde roared in his ears, the pain and anger so evident in his voice.

"No, I'll never let you go." Zack retorted, as he tightened his grip and took the kicks and blows which Cloud's restrained body was able to produce.

"You left me last night." The cadet bellowed, his words making the soldier flinch as the guilt hit him harder than any physical injury.

"I didn't leave you Cloud. I went out so Reno and I could talk and then I came home, I came home to you."

It was with these words that the struggling instantly stopped, the enraged body in his arms suddenly going stiff as the tension remained but the need to escape was momentarily halted.

"Did ... did you talk ... about me?" The blonde stammered nervously, his mood suddenly changing from enraged to uncertain.

"Yes, we talked about you." The soldier confirmed gently, his tone softening as he felt the smaller body in his arms start to tremble. "That's why we went out, so we could talk without you feeling self-conscious."

"I thought you ... that you ... that ..."

Zack felt his heart being ripped in two as Cloud's words became broken and mixed with small painful sobs, as the tears which had been silently building were suddenly let free. He immediately changed his hold on the smaller form into a gentle embrace, the grip being just as firm as before but now filled with love and comfort rather than panicked restraint. He almost wept when the cadet's arms slowly came up to try and hold him back, the slender limbs desperately attempting to free themselves and move round his torso. A second later and the soldier had adjusted the angle of their bodies so that he was balanced on his knees in front of the blonde, the new position allowing Cloud the freedom to complete the embrace between them.

"Ssssshhhh, it's ok." Zack soothed, as the smaller body rocked against him.

"Don't leave me, please, don't leave me."

The words were muffled against his chest, the voice thick with tears and choking emotion, and the soldier felt his heart break completely.

"I'm not going anywhere." He whispered tenderly, his embrace tightening to show that he meant every word.

The next few minutes were filled with a strange sense of peace, as the tension in Cloud's body began to ease and his tearful sobs calmed. Neither spoke as the cadet's hands slowly screwed up into fists, the fingers gripping the back of the soldier's top and pulling them even closer together. For a moment there was only silence between them, the lack of words being shared giving the soldier a chance to look around himself and finally notice the small pile of screwed up paper on the table.

"Spiky, what were you writing?" Zack asked fearfully, his chest tightening in a sudden unexplainable panic when Cloud hesitated to answer.

"I ... I was trying to ... say goodbye." Was the stammered and pain-filled reply, the words digging into the soldier's chest and cutting his heart out in one go.

"Why?" Was all Zack managed to gasp.

"I thought it was for the best." Cloud sobbed, as he buried his head further into the soldier's chest.

"Gaia, why would you think that? I mean, after everything we've been through ... after how far we've come."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just tell me why."

Zack knew he was pushing the issue and hated himself for doing it but this time he couldn't let it go, couldn't let whatever had come between them be allowed to continue or grow stronger.

"They're going to kick me out for what I did." The cadet choked, his voice filled with such certainty it made the soldier's insides twist into knots.

"No, no they're not." He quickly replied, his body moving back so that he could see the blonde's face better.

"But I hit the general." Cloud gasped in disbelief, his frightened blue eyes shooting up to meet with Zack's.

Instead of seeing denial or fake reassurance the cadet saw only truth, the soft wonder and love in the soldier's eyes shining down on him in absolute certainty.

"It's insubordination Zack, they have to do something." The blonde managed, before his voice was lost to the lump in his throat.

"I don't know what's going to happen and I won't until I see Angeal." The soldier began carefully. "All I do know is that, if they were going to do something it would have been done already."

"What?"

"They would have done it already." Zack repeated before sighing heavily.

It took Cloud a minute to realise what the soldier had said and to understand the implications of the unspoken words, the suggestion that nothing had happened yet because nothing was going to happen.

"They have to punish me Zack, they have too." The cadet stammered as he pulled away, his tearful eyes now going wide with a different kind of fear.

"It was an accident, you didn't mean to do it." The soldier protested in shock, his mind struggling to keep up with the blonde's see-sawing emotions.

"But I still did it." Cloud argued, his voice becoming cold and hard as the anger slowly returned.

"Spiky it's ..." Zack began, his attempt to calm the cadet down again failing miserably before it even had a chance.

"Don't, don't you dare say it's ok." Cloud cut in furiously, his body out of the soldier's embrace completely now and moving to stand a few feet away.

Zack looked up in surprise, his eyes widening at the desperation within the blonde's voice as he all but begged to be disciplined for something he hadn't meant to do. Their eyes met across the short distance between them and it took the soldier a minute to see and understand the look of fear only just visible in Cloud's eyes.

"You're scared." He said slowly, the surprised words receiving a flicker of panic from the blonde before the look turned into a deathly glare.

"No, I'm not?" The cadet spat back, the barely contained rage now glowing intensely within his eyes.

"Yea, you are." Zack replied firmly, his own irritation quickly coming to the surface. "You've convinced yourself that something bad has to happen, that either your kicked out of here or I'll leave you because ... because that's what you ... expect."

There was a momentary pause in his speech as the soldier's mind suddenly put the pieces together, a bitter chuckle escaping his lips as it all began to make sense.

"Oh Gaia, I get it now." Zack choked, his expression being one of shock, hurt and anger. "You still think that because nothing good ever happens to you, that this ... this incident was like some personal evil twist of fate against you."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Cloud growled back defensively.

"Don't I?" The soldier retorted, his words now breaking up as he fought to get them out through the lump forming in his throat. "You ... you couldn't accept the idea of actually being happy for once, that maybe it was ... alright. Gaia you ... you even prepared yourself to let it all go."

"What did you expect me to do, just sit around and hope everything was going to be alright?" Cloud spat back angrily.

"I didn't expect you to give up on me so quickly." The soldier shot back, the pain he felt being given a voice amongst the storm of emotions now raging between them. "I didn't expect you to give up on us."

"I never gave up on you or us." The blonde yelled back, his rising panic being missed as the words between them became more heated.

"Yes you did damn it, you were trying to say goodbye, remember." Zack managed before his voice cut off completely, his arm sweeping out to the side and indicating the several pieces of screwed up paper lying on the table beside him.

"I told you, I thought it was for the best." The cadet whispered harshly, his eyes no longer able to meet with the soldier's.

"Who's best Cloud, because it sure as hell isn't mine?" Zack asked bluntly, his voice now bitter and laced with pain.

"You don't understand?"

"No, clearly I don't. I thought we were getting somewhere, but I guess I got that wrong as well if you're willing to give up on it so quickly."

"Don't say that." The cadet pleaded softly, his breath now coming in short sharp gasps as he fought not to break down and cry again.

"Then talk to me." The soldier shouted, slamming his fist down on the table in frustration.

The sound of his hand hitting the thick wooden surface was loud, the sudden noise of the impact making the cadet jump and instantly stagger backwards away from him. It took Zack a minute to realise what he had done, that the distance between them was now even greater than before because of his actions.

"I'm sorry." He managed, his face turning away so he wouldn't have to see the scared look currently displayed on Cloud's delicate features.

"It's my fault." The cadet replied softly, his voice and body both trembling noticeably now.

"Just tell me why this is so important to you, why you can't let it go."

For a moment there was only silence as the blonde tried to work out what to say, while the soldier waited restlessly for a response he wasn't even sure he was going to get.

"The others have to know that it can't be allowed." Cloud began faintly, his feet shifting nervously where he stood. "They have to know that what I did was wrong."

"You mean you're freaking out because it might, what, cause more problems with the other cadets?" Zack asked in disbelief.

"It's not just that." The blonde argued, his annoyance at the soldier's tone giving him strength to be angry again.

"Then what is it?"

"What I did was wrong, they can't see me being allowed to get away with it."

"Why? Because it will make things harder for you?"

"You think I care about them, about what they think of me?" The cadet choked back, his rage now returning with every breath.

"Yea, actually I do." The soldier replied firmly.

"I'm couldn't care less what they ..." Cloud began furiously, before he was cut off.

"Stop!" The soldier order harshly, his hand coming up to signal the blonde to be quiet before he could finish.

The silence which suddenly surrounded them was thick and heavy, the air almost suffocating Zack as he stood up to his full height and slowly brought his eyes up to meet with Cloud's. Their gazes met with equal looks of anger and hurt, the combined expressions being like the reflection of a mirror so that each could see exactly what they were feeling on the others face.

"You have no right to be angry at me if you can't be honest with yourself." The soldier began, his words sounding colder and more distant than he wanted them too.

"You're the one who snuck out last night and left me here alone." Cloud snapped back, his shoulders tensing and his hands curling into fists at his sides.

"For a start you weren't alone, there was someone watching over you, and secondly I've already told you I was not about to wake you up when you clearly needed the sleep."

"You ... you left me with a ... a babysitter." The cadet retorted in furry, his body unconsciously taking up a battle ready stance.

"Damn it Cloud, why are you pushing for this? What the hell are you really afraid of?" Zack shouted as he took in the sight.

Before the cadet could respond the soldier's phone rung, the sound cutting through the friction and making both men jump at the sudden interruption. Cursing softly Zack turned and made his way across to the kitchen worktop where he had left it the night before, his hand shaking noticeably as he lifted the device up and flipped it open.

"What?!" He growled down the phone, while keeping his back to the blonde.

"Zack, what's wrong?" Angeal asked, the harsh greeting he had received making him worry.

"Nothing. Something. Maybe everything." The soldier replied, the anger in his voice barely being restrained as he spoke.

"Zack, has something happened?"

"Yea." The soldier confirmed with a heavy sigh before continuing. "Are we still on for meeting later or is that why you called?"

"Actually I called to check that you still wanted to meet." Angeal replied carefully, his tone being light but tinted with concern.

"I think Cloud needs to be there as well." Zack informed him evenly, the request being more of a statement of fact than anything else.

"Then we should meet earlier, so that he is not late for class." Angeal noted calmly, again choosing to ignore the uncharacteristic behaviour being displayed.

"Seven then, at your office." The soldier proposed, his eyes momentarily flicking towards the kitchen clock to check the time.

"I will see you there." The commander confirmed, before hanging up without saying goodbye.

Zack didn't bother looking behind himself to know that Cloud was still watching him, that the cadet's blue eyes were now burning a hole into his back.

"Get washed and dressed, we have an appointment to keep." He ordered sternly, his hands shaking as he slowly lowered the phone back onto the worktop.

"Yes Sir." The blonde replied just as coldly, before he turned and disappeared into the bathroom.

The soldier remained where he was as the door was slammed shut, waited until he could hear the sound of water running inside the room and knew that Cloud would not see what he was now trying to hide. This time when Zack's eyes came up to face the world around him they glowed with a green fire of their own, the soft violet almost completely drowned in the mako which now burned through him.

"I don't know why you're suddenly trying to push me away, but it's not going to happen." He whispered harshly at the closed door.

A second later and the soldier was making his way through the apartment towards the bedroom to get dressed, his mind in turmoil over what had just happened and silently working on the apology he now owed Angeal.


	33. Chapter 33: Trying to explain why

**I'm afraid this is a slightly longer chapter than normal, but unlike 'friends talk' it felt wrong to try and break it into two seperate pieces.**

**I hope you enjoy it and as always please review at the end :o)**

* * *

**Trying to explain why**

The walk to Angeal's office was unbearable for both soldier and cadet, the tension between them so thick that neither could breathe properly. Both knew that something needed to be said about what had just happened, that the argument couldn't be left unresolved for too long without it only making things worse. But instead of trying to talk about it they remained silent, each one of them lost to his own troubled thoughts about it all and unable to find the words which were needed.

For Zack there was the whirlwind of concerns about Cloud's behaviour, the sudden mood swings and emotional outbursts leaving him feeling dazed and confused. One minute he had been trying to calm the blonde down and then the next holding the cadet as he broke down in tears, only to watch him become enraged and begin shouting once more. There was just no logic to the turn of events, the way Cloud had gone from holding on tightly in fear of being punished to then arguing that it had to happen. The soldier felt his head begin to ache, the throbbing sensation joining the pain in his chest and making him feel even more nauseous than before. He still couldn't believe that the cadet had been so ready to give up on them, had actually started to say goodbye without even knowing what was going to happen. Zack knew that this was what hurt the most and stopped him from speaking now, the idea that Cloud was willing to fight for a punishment he didn't deserve but not to save their relationship.

Had the soldier actually looked at the cadet walking beside him, he would have known that he was not the only one to be affected so strongly by the harsh words they had shared. He would have seen the similar confliction thoughts and feelings also flowing through the blonde's body, the pain and frustration swimming within Cloud's damp eyes almost a reflection of his own. But because he kept his face turned away he missed it all, blindly allowing his own anger to stop him from seeing what the cadet was only just able to hide.

For Cloud there was no turning back now, his decision about what needed to be done making the growing tension between them seem necessary. The silence had given him time to think, his mind racing over what had been said and realise that perhaps Zack had been right about his fears. He was scared of what the others would think, of how they would react if he wasn't punished, but not in the way that the soldier imagined. The incident with Kane had added to his own experiences, the combination of the two now being the fuel for his growing concerns. At the end of the day the cadet knew that he was nothing more than a grunt, a pathetic nobody in the ShinRa army, but Zack and Angeal were so much more and that needed protecting. With a new sense of fierce determination burning within him Cloud fought the urge to apologize, his heart racing wildly as he struggled to hold back the words of regret which threatened to escape.

They arrived at Angeal's office just before seven and the soldier was almost relieved to find the commander already there, his presence meaning that they wouldn't have to wait outside in more uncomfortable silence. The first thing out of Zack's mouth was the apology he owed, the words he had said on the phone being both unacceptably blunt and spoken in a disrespectful way.

"I'm sorry ... about before ... on the phone. I was a little bit ... I was ... uuummm."

Here the soldier paused uncertainly and drew in a nervous breath before trying to speak again, the planned explanation no longer making sense to his own mind. There was just no way to account for the rude behaviour without drawing attention to the argument which had caused it, the fight between himself and Cloud not really being something he wanted the commander to know about. It was a foolish thing to try and hide though and Angeal quickly worked out the reason for Zack's troubled state. It had taken him a matter of seconds after opening the office door to feel the emotions radiating off the pair, the barely concealed hurt and frustration washing of them both in waves.

"Your apology is accepted Zack, however ..." The commander began his eyes levelling with them both. "I am more concerned with why it happened."

At first neither soldier nor cadet spoke, both remaining silent as they stood in front of him and the undeniable cloud which hung over them darkened. A small shudder ran along Angeal's spin as the intensity of their emotions tingled along his mako enhanced senses, the uncomfortable sensation being one he wanted gone immediately.

"I take it you two have fought." He noted evenly, as he signalled that they should both sit down.

"You could say that." Zack grumbled, as he slumped into the nearest chair.

Cloud however remained quiet as he continued to stand, his firm stance being that of a cadet at ease but still being held within formal military ranks. Both commander and soldier noted the formality that was being displayed, the actions only adding to Zack's already strained nerves so that he growled out the next command.

"Sit down."

Angeal's eyes momentarily widened in shook, the tone of the soldier's voice and the obvious irritation radiating from his body being something he was not accustomed too. Whatever had happened between them it had been serious, the way they now interacted being a sure sign that it was not about to get better anytime soon. Thankfully Zack's eyes had been all for the cadet as he spoke the order, the violet spheres darkening slightly at the obvious dislike for having to speak to the blonde in such a way. Cloud however had yet to look at either of them, the pale blue orbs almost void off all emotion as he focused on a point past their faces and took a seat as instructed.

"Zack, perhaps it would be best if I spoke with Cloud alone first." He suggested calmly, before they could begin.

"Why?" The soldier snapped, his enraged eyes flashing up to meet with the commanders before he caught himself and quickly looked away.

"I don't know what has happened between you, but right now neither of you is acting in a way that I am comfortable with." Angeal informed them both firmly. "Zack, I can see the mako glowing in your eyes and it worries me."

"I can handle it." The soldier huffed, as he shifted restlessly in his chair.

"Perhaps, but I am not willing to take that chance." The commander replied calmly. "You are to report to the VR training rooms and use the first available one for at least an hour's workout."

"What?" Zack gasped in surprise, the anger faltering slightly as he stared at the commander in disbelief. "You can't be serious Angel."

"I am very serious, now I suggest you go before I make it two hours."

"Yes Sir." The soldier replied evenly as he stood to leave.

Angeal drew a breath to say something else, his lips forming the words but his mind knowing that it was pointless to speak them at that moment in time. Instead he remained silent as the door was wrenched open and then slammed shut as Zack left, the sound echoing loudly around the remaining occupants in the now uncomfortably quiet room. With a heavy sigh the commander turned his attention towards the cadet and allowed the frown on his face to deepen, his annoyance at the blonde being very evident in his darkened expression.

"I have rarely seen him so upset." Angeal noted icily, his eyes now focusing completely on Cloud. "Whatever you have said or done has hurt him deeply and I will not stand for that."

It was by pure chance that he saw the flicker of approval in the cadet's eyes, the emotionless expression cracking for a brief second and showing what could only be described as satisfaction. The anger which suddenly flowed through the commander was like a fire reborn, the need to protect his puppy once again burning strongly within his veins. In the blink of an eye Angeal was up and out of his chair, one large hand now curling into a tight fist as it grasped the front of the blonde's uniform and violently wrenched the cadet up and out of his seat.

Cloud barely had time to draw breath before he felt the impact of his back slamming painfully into the wall behind him, the unexpected assault causing his heart to start racing wildly within his chest. The shock of the attack instantly froze the cadet's mind and prevented him from fighting back, a reaction which in any other situation he would have cursed himself for. But on this occasion the blonde was actually grateful that his instincts had been delayed, the brief seconds giving him a chance to realise any retaliation at this point would have only made things worse. Instead of trying to break free Cloud allowed himself to be forcefully pinned against the hard surface, the powerful grip holding him effortlessly so that his feet now dangled several inches off the floor.

"How dare you." The commander breathed against the cadet's face. "How dare you hurt him and take pleasure in it."

"I'm not." Cloud growled back, his eyes now meeting Angeal's and revealing the storm of emotions raging within him. "I'm trying to protect him."

"From what?" The commander demanded, his fist tightening and adding a little more pressure against the blonde's chest.

"From me." The cadet replied evenly.

"We have already had this discussion, he will not give up on you that easily."

"Then you have to make sure that the right thing happens and he stays safe."

"Are you threatening him?" Angeal roared, his brown eyes suddenly taking on a faint green glow.

"No, but if I'm not punished for what happened yesterday it will hurt him." Cloud whispered, the certainty in his words making the growing tension between them suddenly crack.

Almost instantly the blonde was released from his restrained position and dropped to the floor, where shaky knees only just held him up as his feet hit the ground. Strong-willed yet hesitant blue eyes briefly connected with confused and shocked brown, the expressions on their faces revealing more than words ever could at that point in time. It was only now that the commander realised what the cadet was trying to do, the unexpected turn of events leaving him momentarily startled as he took a couple of steps back and tried to gather himself again.

"Is that what this is all about, you want to be punished?" Angeal asked, his words coming out a little breathlessly as he struggled to say them.

"I don't want it, but it is necessary. Even you should understand that." Cloud replied grimly, his head bowed low as he spoke.

"General Sephiroth has already excused your actions as being accidental."

"It was an act of insubordination and that cannot be allowed." The blonde argued firmly, his head finally coming up to face the commander properly.

Angeal felt his chest tighten as he looked into Cloud's eyes and saw the determination burning brightly within them, the cadet's resolve never wavering as he argued for something which they both knew should be given.

"Is this what you and Zack fought about?" The commander enquired evenly, as he moved back behind his desk and sat down.

"Yes." Cloud responded, his voice barley a whisper as he remained leaning against the wall for support.

"I get the impression there is more to this than what you are telling me, so I suggest you start talking."

This time when the blonde looked up at Angeal the regret was very clear in his eyes, the sky blue spheres now softening and becoming damp as the cadet turned away and wiped at them furiously. The commander gave him a minute to calm down and pull himself together, then waited patiently as the blonde slowly made his way back towards the chairs and sunk into one.

"He went out last night and left me with a ... a babysitter." Cloud began hesitantly, his voice now a mixture of hurt and annoyance.

"Would you have preferred to be left alone?"

"I ... I don't ..."

"You have no right to control his life Cloud, to say if and when he can go out." Angeal interrupted as the cadet's words faltered uncertainly. "You should also know that he would not have gone unless someone had been there to watch over you, to make sure you were safe."

"I know." The blonde sighed, his head bowing forward so that he could look at the floor as they continued to speak.

"So that was only part of it." The commander guessed wearily, as he slumped down against the back of his chair.

"I thought I was going to be kicked out for what I did and then when I found out that he had gone drinking I ... I was angry."

"Just angry?" Angeal asked carefully, the flicker of fear he had seen revealing there to be more to the cadet's story.

"Yes, no, damn it." Cloud swore in frustration, his body instantly tensing as he realised the mistake.

Instead of scolding him for cursing Angeal simply frowned again and expressed his displeasure with a deep breath, the heavy sigh having more affect on the blonde than any words could have.

"I ... I got this stupid idea in my head that he ... that he was going to leave me." The cadet managed faintly, as the admission forced a lump to rise in his throat.

"May I ask why?" The commander enquired carefully, as he suddenly realised that the blonde was slowly opening up to him in a way which he had not expected.

"I've never ... I've never had someone ..." Cloud began nervously, the words faltering as his voice cracked slightly at the confession.

Angeal waited patiently for the cadet to continue, the desire to know more steadily growing within him as he took in the blonde's appearance. There was no denying that Cloud was struggling with whatever he was trying to say, the conflicting emotions being felt now visible as a ranging storm within his eyes. The hurt, the anger, the regret, the fear, it was all there to see as clear as day, the tension throughout the cadet's body so painfully obvious as he fought to explain himself. But however much the commander wanted to ask he knew that these things could not be rushed, that if he pushed Cloud for information now it would only ruin the trust which had started to form between them. It was therefore a relief when the cadet continued to speak, the words being almost heartbreaking to hear as they were softly spoken, the blonde's eyes no longer meeting Angeal's but once again focused on the floor.

"I've always been alone." Cloud admitted sadly.

"You have mentioned this before." The commander pointed out gently, his voice now carrying a calm soothing tone so as not to upset the blonde more.

"And you told me that there was a darkness in being alone." Cloud replied timidly, as he continued to look away.

"Yes, I did." Angeal agreed hesitantly.

Again there was as short pause in the conversation as the cadet drew in a slow breath and appeared to be gathering himself, his hands now clasped tightly together.

"Zack is my ... he's the light in my darkness." Cloud whispered almost fearfully, his hands squeezing together so that the knuckles now turned white. "I don't know what I'd do if ... if ..."

This time the silence which descended upon them was thick and heavy, the unspoken words practically screaming through their heads.

"Does he know this?" The commander began slowly, his own concerns now bubbling dangerously close to the surface.

"Yes." The cadet whispered in response. "He ... he knows about our talk and what was said."

"But does he know how you feel?" Angeal pushed gently, remembering to keep his voice light.

"I ... I think so." Cloud replied unsure now, his eyes becoming lost and almost afraid at the idea that perhaps Zack didn't know. "I told him about ... about some things and I think he understood."

"Has he given you a reason to doubt him or how he feels for you?"

"No. No he hasn't." The cadet replied with a sad sigh, his head shaking in disapproval of his own actions. "I overreacted because of what happened yesterday and then when we started arguing it all just got out of control."

"You let your emotions guide your thoughts." The commander pointed out tentatively, the words needing to be said but his instincts warning that they may not be accepted.

To his relief Cloud only nodded softly in agreement, the discussion between them now giving the blonde a chance to reflect on how things had gone and see what had not been seen before.

"I'm not used to showing my emotions, not like this." The cadet explained, the words barely registering in his head before they found a voice to be heard. "I've always kept them inside where no one could see, where they couldn't be used against me." There was a brief pause as Cloud drew a shaky breath, his eyes dampening slightly as the words being spoken finally began to affect him. "I've never had any ... friends, not real friends that I could talk to, and because I was alone it became easier to ... to just do what was needed without feeling, or at least not showing how I felt."

"And Zack changed that?" Angeal noted with a soft smile, his heart warning to know that there was probably no one else who could have done it.

"Yes." The blonde replied also smiling softly now, his eyes beginning to glow faintly with a growing look of warmth and affection for the soldier. "He made me ... he made it ok to feel good again, to smile and laugh and ... and be happy."

The commander had not missed how the last part had been said, the final words tainted with a hint of sadness that made his heart clench tightly. Once more he began to wonder what had happened in Cloud's life to make him so withdrawn, the unknown past now being a foundation for disturbingly strong walls and defences to protect him from the world.

"It would appear that he has done more than that." Angeal proposed carefully, his words halting until the cadet looked up at him questioningly.

"I don't understand." The blonde replied nervously, his voice becoming guarded as their eyes met.

Angeal swore softly and chastised himself for making the statement, his intention to get Cloud to see the fight as a good thing having possibly gone horribly wrong.

"Zack has a natural talent for getting people to open up." The commander began cautiously, as he took in the cadet's unease state. "The fact that you two have argued so ... heatedly shows that he has made more of an impact on your life than you are aware of."

"But it was a ... I mean we ... we argued." Cloud stammered in a small confused panic.

"Yes you did, but that in itself is something." Angeal noted calmly, as he settled more comfortably in his chair. "Quarrels or disputes between people who care for each other are always based on emotions and the fight which ensues is always filled with these sensations as they are expressed."

"So, you're saying that us fighting is a ... a good thing?" The cadet murmured uncertainly, his expression clearly revealing his doubt over the idea.

"Perhaps not a good thing, no." The commander replied with a soft chuckle. "But in your case I believe that it has been ... beneficial."

It took Cloud less than a minute to put the pieces together and see the point Angeal was trying to make, his whole body snapping upright on the chair as he gasped in surprise.

"Because to argue I had to be showing how I felt." The cadet breathed happily, his sky blue eyes now shining brightly as he began to understand.

"Exactly." He confirmed happily, as the blonde began to smile.

But no sooner had the joyful light appeared then it was gone again to be replaced by a look of growing fear, the sudden unexpected change catching the commander off guard.

"Oh Gaia, I hurt him." Cloud choked, as the whole fight replayed in his head in a flash. "I was so caught up in my own feelings that I didn't think about his, about what he was going through."

"Zack is a very forgiving person and for you I believe that goes double." Angeal reassured the now clearly upset cadet. "He will calm down soon enough and once you have explained everything to him I'm sure he will understand."

"But I ... I hurt him." Cloud repeated, this fact still weighing heavily on his conscience.

"You hurt him with expressed emotions and harsh words, not silence or abandonment." The commander pointed out, while trying not to smile at how things were turning out for the better. "These are things which he will understand more than you realise."

"Could you ... I mean ... after this, will you talk to him for me ... please?"

"On this occasion I will, but only because this is the first time it has happened and because you have asked. In the future I will leave it up to the pair of you to sort out your problems."

"Thank you." The cadet breathed softly, his mind still trying to process everything which had happened in such a short space of time.

It was only as he heard Angeal agreeing to the request that Cloud realised just how much things had changed, the way he now interacted with the commander being something he would never have dreamed of doing before. The cadet smiled to himself knowing that Zack was the one who had made this happen, the soldier's love for him having broken through all the defences which had been built up over the years. It was both a thrilling and terrifying thought, the idea that finally he had people who accepted him for who he was and that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have to hide anymore.

"Now ..." Angeal began, his voice drawing Cloud away from his internal musing and back to the moment at hand. "I believe you have a class to attend." He continued, as he began to rise from his chair

"But we haven't discussed my punishment." The cadet interrupted, his words instantly halting the commander's movements so that he remained in a half raised position.

Brown eyes slowly rose to connect with faintly glowing spheres across from him, the determined expression back on the blonde's face and making Angeal sigh heavily as he sat down again.

"Why is this so important to you?" He huffed, as a slight weariness began to creep through his body.

"Zack said that I was scared of what the others would say and do if I wasn't punished."

"And are you?"

The question had been a straightforward one, noting too complicated to answer, the response requiring a simple yes or no answer. Yet Cloud found himself debating over how to reply, his breath increasing slightly as he fought with his own emotions over what to say. He didn't want the commander to think his insistence was based on personal motivations, that he was pushing for this for his own benefit, that the choice was not being made to make his life easier. Knowing there was no way to justify himself without explaining his real concerns Cloud settled on the truth, his heart and mind deciding that he should start being honest as the soldier had said.

"I told him I wasn't, but I think I was wrong." The blonde admitted hesitantly.

"Then this was something else you fought about?"

"Yes and I know it was stupid not admitting to it, but I really wasn't thinking about me at the time." The cadet insisted firmly, his eyes never leaving the commanders as he spoke. "Zack doesn't understand that I can't be allowed to get away with what happened, that my actions will have consequences on more than just my life."

"Then explain it to me." Angeal offered kindly, his mind already prepared to mentally catalogue the next part so that he could share it with the soldier later.

"After what happened with Kane I ... I don't want anyone to have a reason to question either of you." Cloud replied nervously.

"I see." The commander murmured, as he began to see where the cadet's line of thought was heading. "Then in turn you are also protecting my reputation as well.

Instead of responding with words the cadet simply nodded in silence, his head bobbing softly before hesitantly rising up so they could look at each other again.

"I don't want to give anyone more reasons to talk about him or you, not like that." The blonde continued softly, his insides now a mess as the emotions of it all came rushing back.

"And because it would involve you as well now?" Angeal added questioningly.

"A little." Cloud admitted softly, a small sigh escaping his lips before he looked away again and continued. "With Zack and I being ... involved, it already makes things harder for both of us. I know that it's just gossip and rumour for everyone, that they don't know the truth, but I ... I don't want his reputation being damaged by giving them more to talk about."

"You do realise it was an accidental blow, one which would not have happened if you had been in a real fight with the general." The commander pointed out as calmly as he could manage.

"I know." The blonde replied with a soft chuckle. "I'm not stupid enough to think I could ever beat him, not in a real combat situation. I just ... I just don't want other people thinking it's ok, that what I did was acceptable because of the way it happened." Here Cloud paused and stole a quick glance at the commander before continuing, his heart skipping a beat as he began to speak again. "He ... well he's Sephiroth, the great and mighty general of the ShinRa army. It ... it wouldn't be right for a lowly cadet to strike him and get away with it."

With a deep sigh Angeal nodded in agreement, the instant justification being one he couldn't easily deny if he wished to uphold the general's reputation as well.

"In a way I am proud of you for considering these things Cloud but I am also troubled by them, your choice to sacrifice yourself for the good of others while being honourable is also worrying."

"I'm just a grunt in this place, another piece of meat to be thrown at the enemy to slow them down." The cadet replied sadly, his eyes dimming at the painful self-evaluation. "All of you are so much more and that has to be protected, whatever the cost."

"Which is why you are pushing for a punishment, to protect our reputations?" Angeal concluded before sighing heavily.

"Yes."

"You are aware that this matter goes beyond Zack's rank and level of authority." The commander felt the need to point out now, the deep sadness filling those sapphire like eyes making his heart begin to ache for the boy.

"I know that, but it wouldn't matter." Cloud replied unhappily. "You are friends with the general and through you Zack also has that connection to him. We both know that he would never use it in that way, use either of you in that way, but we also know that not everyone will be content to accept this fact. What I did should not be forgiven so easily, even if it was an accident, and if Sephiroth were to excuse it so quickly it would only lead people to one conclusion. " Once again the cadet's words halted so he could take in a steadying breath, the next part being a little harder to say than he had thought. "Zack's dreams of being a hero are too important to be tainted by this, his honour as a soldier more valuable than my pride. As long as I'm not ... I'm not kicked out then I can accept any punishment to protect him, to keep him safe in the only way I can."

"You will make a fine soldier one day Cloud." Angeal noted with a sense of pride, the young man before him now being seen in a whole new light.

"Thank you." The blonde replied softly, his voice a faint whisper in the room as he accepted the compliment while trying to silence his own doubt.

The cadet knew that it was his dream to be a soldier but he also knew that there was a long way to go before he got there, if he ever got there. Cloud understood that his physical appearance still held him back, even though his skills in combat were more than acceptable, the slowly developing body still not suitable for ShinRa's expectations. He also knew that while his mental, tactical and strategic abilities were far superior than his peers it was not something the army truly required in great abundance. No, in truth the cadet was very much aware that his physique and talents were more suited to the Turks, his skill for being a lone shadow in the night only making this more obvious each time he ran beneath the stars.

A small dry cough drew Cloud's attention away from his thoughts and back to the moment, the commander's concerned eyes asking if he was alright without actually speaking the words. A small smile was the response he gave, the faint curve of lips not offering much but still trying to communicate that he would be alright. In reply Angeal also smiled and nodded his head in understanding, the silent gesture ending their brief interaction and allowing them to return to the matter at hand.

"While I know that Sephiroth has excused your actions, and personally chosen to not discipline you, he has yet to make this public knowledge." The commander began slowly, his eyes watching the cadet as each emotion began to play across the blonde's delicate features.

He instantly noted the shock which ghosted over the pale skin, the bright blue eyes widening slightly in surprise at hearing the facts being given. Almost a second later the sky like spheres began to glow with a faint shy warmth, the fair cheeks beneath them quickly developing a pink hue as the self-conscious embarrassment took over. Angeal couldn't help but smile as he realised that amongst all of his worries Cloud had never once considered that he would be forgiven, that the general himself would actually chose to allow the incident to pass unpunished.

"You should not believe everything you hear about him." The commander began, his tone being humorous as he lightly chastised the cadet for falling victim to the same thing which they were now trying to avoid. "Sephiroth knows that you were not intending to harm him, that your assault was merely an unfortunate accident when he intervened to break up the fight."

"I knew that he excused what happened with the other cadets but I ... I wasn't sure about ..." Cloud replied hesitantly, his eyes glancing down and away as he continued. "What I did wasn't just insubordination it was also disrespectful, so when Zack kept telling me it would be alright I didn't believe him. I never imagined that the general would ... that he wouldn't take offense."

"You didn't intend to hit him, did you?."

"No, but he ... he still could have considered it to be an act of rebellion or found my behaviour to be insolent."

"Your actions, while technically unacceptable, are nothing compared to some of the things which Zack has put Sephiroth through over the years." Angeal began, his voice becoming lost to a slowly developing rich warm laughter. "Or have you forgotten the tales of his past antics?"

"No." Cloud began, his eyes shining brightly as a small chuckle escaped his lips. "I could never forget those stories, some of them were pretty ... interesting."

"And those were the ones I allowed them to tell you. Trust me when I say there are several more which I will be trying my hardest to keep you from hearing about."

They both smiled happily as the atmosphere between them grew calm and more comfortable, the interaction between them more of friends talking than a commander and cadet discussing an important issue. Almost too soon the mood changed to become a little bit more serious, the pair realising that they were now putting of the inevitable and that time was quickly running out before a decision would need to be made.

"What exactly are you asking for Cloud?" The commander enquired, his mind now open to accept the cadet's wishes.

"I'm not sure exactly." The blonde began uncertainly, his thoughts whirling like a tornado as he started to understand that his request was being granted. "I ... uuuuummm ... I guess something which will be humiliating enough to know that I'm being punished and that Zack couldn't save me from it."

"Then you do not mind if this thing results in more people talking about you?" Angeal mused as an idea began to form in his head.

"I can handle the rumours, well most of them, and if it's something 'juice' for them to gossip about then it wouldn't hurt." The cadet agreed curiously, as he saw the flicker of amusement appear in the commander's eyes.

"Then how does a day of scrubbing shower blocks and latrines sound to you?" Angeal questioned humorously, the sparkle within those warm brown orbs betraying the smile which he tried to hide with a straight face.

"It sounds horrible." Cloud replied with a bright, cheerful smile. "Just perfectly horrible."


	34. Chapter 34: Trying to understand

**Ok, so here's the latest chapter and I hope you enjoy it. **

**I also wanted to let anyone who wasn't already aware know that I have an exam at the end of next week so another update might not happen until after then. I will of course try my hardest to get it done and up but as this is a re-take exam I really can't afford to fail it. I hope you understand.**

* * *

**Trying to understand**

With an acceptable punishment having been decided upon the rest was easy to deal with, the cadet continuing to smile happily as the commander began to put their plan into action. The first person Angeal contacted was Sephiroth, the general needing to know what was going to happen so that he would not be caught by surprise when asked about it. To Cloud's relief and surprise Sephiroth had not argued the matter, his calm voice being easily heard stating that if they felt it was for the best then he had no objections. There had also been a comment about the commander and himself talking about it later, but the blonde had enough sense to pretend he hadn't heard this as he sat silently and waited for the next part.

It didn't take long for the soldier who had been requested to arrive and for Angeal to give him his orders, more specifically the assignment of escorting Cloud down to maintenance to collect the things he would need. The soldier would then accompany the cadet to the nearest locker room to begin his punishment and would remain overseeing the cleaning until he was relieved at lunch time. There was no doubt in Cloud's mind that he had made the right decision as he was marched down the corridors, the numerous faces that watched them go all asking the same unspoken questions. The blonde kept his head bowed low as they moved through the building, his peripheral vision easily catching the surprised looks which followed them. Those eyes quickly revealed three facts to the cadet, the first and most obvious being that no one was happy about what he had done even if it was an accident. The second was the unexpected discovery that not everyone hated him for it, that perhaps some saw it as the accident it had been, their faces actually offering a sympathetic look his way as they passed by. The third and final thing was the most important of all, the one which told Cloud he had been right all along. Amongst all the looks there was one which shone through the brightest, the one which showed disbelief at what was happening, the one which said no one had expected him to be punished at all. It was this look alone which gave Cloud the small feeling of relief, the knowledge that the suffering he was about to endure would be more than worth it.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Grumbling with frustration the commander hurried towards the VR training rooms, the hour of Zack's assigned session having possibly finished already, and his mind silently praying that the soldier had not been able to find a room straight away. The corridors were now filled with cadet's making their way to classes and the sight made Angeal realise that there was still one thing he had not done, a small detail which needed to be addressed so that Cloud did not get into any further trouble. Cursing softly, a trait which was not normal for him, the commander quickly turned right and began to head away from his intended destination as a new one made itself a higher priority.

It didn't take long for the lecture hall to come into view, his sudden appearance there startling the small groups of cadets who were only just entering the room ahead of him. It was no surprise when the young men almost stumbled over their own feet as they instantly jumped to attention, their shocked expressions and rigid bodies giving him something to briefly smile about. With a faint nod of his head to acknowledge their salutes he entered through the door, and approached the sergeant at the front of the room, his senses already picking up on the surprised and curious eyes which now followed him.

"Sergeant, may I have a word with you please?"

There was a moment of hesitation on the other man's part and it made the commander's anger rise, he was in no mood to waste more time than necessary.

"Sergeant." He repeated more firmly, the voice now holding a hint of irritation as a mild warning.

"Yes Sir, sorry Sir." Was the flustered reply, as the man in question suddenly snapped back to reality and saluted.

"Cadet Strife will not be attending classes today. You will inform the other instructors as necessary."

"Yes Sir." The stunned soldier replied, his eyes going wide for the briefest of seconds.

It was only now that Angeal realised that the whole room had gone quiet, the obvious infuriated tone of his voice and annoyed posture having drawn the attention of everyone now. As he glanced up the commander noticed that there were several pairs of eyes which were turned away from him, the boys unable to meet his threatening gaze, yet even they held the same questioning look within them. They all wanted to know why Cloud would not be coming to class, the unspoken queries about the blonde's absence making his blood begin to boil within his veins. These boys had been nothing but a problem for the cadet, the thorn in his side from the very beginning, and the need to protect Cloud hit Angeal like a tidal wave. But memories of their conversation flashed through his mind and there was nothing he could do now, the only comfort in his next words being that they would get the reaction which was needed.

"He will be undertaking punishment for yesterday's incident in the gym." The commander growled, his anger now being a result of way the people around him reacted.

"Yes sir." The sergeant replied as expected, his lips moving wordlessly as he hesitated to speak again.

"What is it?" Angeal breathed, as he took in the nervous man's appearance.

"Uuummm sorry Sir, I was just wondering if I should expect him back tomorrow Sir."

"Yes, and there is to be no leniency for his lack of attendance today." The commander replied, the words almost painful to say as he tried to maintain the facade being created.

Strangely though it was easy to let them believe his repressed furry was for the blonde, their own selfish desires only too happy to fill in the missing pieces and draw their own conclusion. Angeal restrained his glare to one of general outrage, the mako glow of his eyes helping to add to the illusion of his dislike for the cadet's actions in the gym. A part of him cried out to shout the truth, to reveal that it was not Cloud he was angry with but them as they took pleasure in the blonde's pain. These were not men he wanted at his side in battle, the ones whose faces seemed to brighten as they learnt that Cloud was suffering for his mistake. Taking a quick mental note of which boys grinned happily at the news the commander turned and left, his mind a whirlwind of emotions as he stormed through the building once more.

He arrived at the VR training rooms in time to find Zack leaving, the soldier panting slightly after having just undergone one of the higher level programmes. Angeal sighed as he took in the tired and worn out expression on his puppy's face, the sun-kissed skin glowing faintly in the light due to the fine sheen of sweat which now coated it. The commander had no doubt that Zack had deliberately chosen to undertake a harder programme, the soldier always preferring the more challenging workouts when he wanted to clear his head. It was only as their eyes met across the empty corridor that Angeal realised it hadn't worked this time, those violet orbs no longer glowing with mako but now with a different kind of fire. The troubled expression was still there on Zack's face, the unspoken hurt and frustration of what had happened still burning within those questioning spheres. The commander sighed heavily before speaking, his heart aching as he realised that the soldier was now staring at him with uncertainty.

"I am sorry Zack, it was not my intention to upset you more by sending you away. " Angeal began, his chest tightening as the soldier's expression became slightly pained. "The tension between you both was unbearable and I honestly believed that Cloud would not open up if you were there."

"So he actually talked to you?" Zack asked cautiously, his conflicting emotions still bubbling below the surface.

"Yes he did, which is why we need to go somewhere a little more private to discuss this." The commander continued, his voice lowering to a gentle but insistent tone.

"Alright." The soldier agreed, the repressed anger already fading away to be replaced by curiosity and concern for the blonde.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

A short time later and they ended up at a small cafe off base, the outside world offering some freedom from the confines of the compound and providing the calm atmosphere they needed. Almost instinctively both moved towards the lone table in the far corner, their simultaneous movements causing each man to pause for a second and then chuckle softly in unison.

"Is it ... is that ..." Zack began hesitantly, his hand coming up to scratch at the back of his head nervously.

"It is fine." Angeal noted warmly, his expression remaining reassuring as he took in the soldier's tense appearance. "I believe it will give us the privacy we need to talk."

"That's what I was thinking." Zack admitted, the faint smile growing a little more now.

Neither spoke after they ordered their coffee and waited for it to be brought over, the waitress smiling happily as she placed the items on the table between them and left. Slowly the soldier took the cup in his hands and stared down at the black liquid, his insides now twisting and turning so that the normally pleasant aroma made him want to be sick.

"Zack?" The commander began slowly, his voice now filled with concern at the unusually quiet soldier.

"Hum?" Was the only reply he got, the small sound an unspoken acknowledgement of his attempt to start the conversation.

"I must confess that for once I am unsure where to begin." Angeal mused aloud, his hands idly swirling the contents of his own cup now. "There seems so much to discuss."

"Where is he?" Zack cut in before the commander could continue, the hurt tone making Angeal's chest tighten.

"He is cleaning the locker rooms and latrines in block C." The commander replied carefully, unsure how the information would be taken.

"..."

The lack of verbal response was nothing compared to the flicker of annoyance which flowed through the soldier's eyes, the small piece of knowledge clearly bothering him greatly.

"He asked for a punishment and seemed happy with this option." Angeal continued, his heart actually skipping a beat when he saw those beautifully expressive violet eyes darken.

"Fine, as long as he's happy." Zack growled bitterly, as he took a sip of his drink.

"I'm going to explain a few things to you and I want you to listen to it all before reacting." The commander began, his determination to sort the situation out now stronger than ever. "What I have to say may be awkward for you to hear, and you may find it hard to understand at first, but I want you to wait until I'm finished before talking." He stated firmly, his voice pausing until the soldier's eyes finally came up again and met his own.

There was a moment of thick silence between them as they simply stared at each other, the raging storm of emotions which had been seen in Cloud's eyes earlier now clearly visible within Zack's as well. The look was more than a little unsettling for Angeal but still he waited before speaking again, the need to hear the soldier agree to his terms giving him the strength to remain quiet for a bit longer. After a few seconds Zack nodded in acceptance, his lips remaining sealed tightly together as his eyes silently demanded to know what Angeal had to say.

"Cloud is doing this to protect you." The commander began, his hand coming up to silence the soldier as lips suddenly parted and a protesting gasping breath could be heard.

Zack simply glared at the appendage and then at Angeal, his violet orbs darkening even more as his lips slammed shut again and he huffed in frustration.

"He is also doing it to protect Sephiroth and myself."

These words got a different reaction entirely, the surprise which flashed through those glowering orbs was like lightening across a thunderous sky as the stormy spheres widened slightly.

"He believes that our reputations are at stake if he is allowed to go unpunished for his act of insubordination."

"It was an acc ..." Zack began, before being silenced by the commander's threatening expression.

"I am fully aware that it was an accident, as is the general." Angeal continued firmly. "Cloud however has seen his actions to be disrespectful toward Sephiroth's status and in truth I must agree with him."

Once again the soldier's mood darkened to that of the bleakest night's sky, his voice staying locked away while his expression said everything which he was not allowed to.

"A cadet striking a superior officer and being allowed to get away with it would cause no end of problems, a fact which it appears that only Cloud has considered in all of this." Here the commander waited again, his eyes boring into Zack's so that he would actually listen to what was being said and not dismiss it so easily. "There is already enough widespread rumour and gossip about each of us and it is something he wishes prevent adding to."

"By taking a punishment for something he didn't mean to do." The soldier choked, his words filled with shocked disbelief.

Angeal sighed heavily and lent back in his chair, his attempt to save Zack's questions to the end clearly something which was not going to happen.

"He is concerned about the stories which are already spreading about you and wants to avoid adding more, wants to protect your dreams and honour in the only way he knows how."

"I don't need protecting like this damn it, why can't he see that?" The soldier managed, his voice strained with both annoyance and frustration at the cadet's actions.

The commander watched as his normally bouncy puppy slumped forward against the table, strong calloused hands now covering a drawn and weary expression behind open palms. He silently observed the way Zack's face was now hidden from sight, the unruly black spikes uncharacteristically dropping forward like a curtain to help conceal it all. It was only when the table creaked slightly as the soldier's full weight settled on it that Angeal decided it was time to speak again, the bronze toned elbows bent against the surface appearing to be the only thing holding Zack upright now.

"He cares a great deal for you pup, so much so that it blinds him."

"What do you mean?" The soldier replied cautiously, his eyes slowly peeking through the spread fingers and narrowing suspiciously at the commander's words.

"He regrets the fight you had, the words he said which hurt you."

Hands suddenly dropped away to reveal wide violet eyes, the glowing spheres now glistening in the light as Zack drew in a shaky breath and desperately tried to pull himself together. This time his lips moved without creating sound, the words appearing to fight the soldier as he struggled to say them out loud. The commander didn't miss the small spark of frustration which appeared as the shimmering orbs drifted down and then back up again, the response Zack wanted to give still stuck somewhere inside. Knowing that perhaps a little more reassurance was required he spoke again, the next part being something which he was sure the soldier would want to hear.

"Zack, he asked me to talk to you." Angeal informed the soldier gently, his hand now reaching out to rest on the younger man's shoulder.

"He ... he did?" Zack finally managed, through the lump in his throat.

"Yes." Angeal replied, nodding slightly to emphasis this point. "He admits that he was so caught up in his own emotions that he wasn't thinking about yours. I believe it is something which pains him greatly."

To the commander's surprise the reaction he received was not what he had expected, the one he did get leaving him speechless for a moment. Instead of rushing to defend the blonde's words the soldier remained eerily quiet and looked away, his body becoming tense again as he seemed to think about what had been said. Angeal knew that this time it was not his place to speak again first, that whatever thoughts were troubling the soldier's mind he needed to say them before they could continue.

"The whole thing was ... it was pretty intense." Zack mumbled in agreement, his face still turned away to look out of the window.

"I know that right now it seems hard, but remember that Cloud is not used to any of this." Angeal offered as kindly as he could, his hand now moving to give a reassuring squeeze of the arm it held. "He has learnt to survive alone in this place and part of that was by shutting himself off from the world, by hiding what he feels."

"I know that Angeal." The soldier sighed, his tone implying that he was fully aware of this but it didn't make a difference right now.

The commander felt a stirring of anger rise within him and this time it was Cloud whom he felt protective of, his fingers twitching slightly as he restrained himself from pinning the soldier to the wall as he had done with the cadet. Instead he allowed his expression to harden and his eyes to take on their darker look, his voice dropping to a deeper more threatening pitch as he spoke again.

"Do you? Do you really understand what it means to lose that connection with life, to not be able to express yourself properly because you had to bury your emotions down so deep that not even you could feel them anymore?"

"I ... I don't ..." Zack began, his head coming back round to face Angeal's and show his surprise at how the mood had suddenly changed between them.

"No Zack you don't know, you don't understand because it is something you have never experienced." The commander growled evenly, his usually warm brown eyes now appearing haunted by things which the soldier couldn't see.

"Angeal I'm ... I'm sorry ... I ..."

"It's alright pup." The commander managed through gritted teeth, as he observed the concerned and fearful expression now aimed at him. "I'm not angry at you for being upset, but I need you to see that whatever was said or done was important."

"It's more than that, I can tell." Zack said carefully, his instincts screaming at him to find out what could have caused such an unexpected reaction.

"You're right, there is more to it." Angeal agreed reluctantly, his expression softening a little to ease the tension between them. "But now is not the time or place to discuss it."

"You will tell me though, right?" The soldier asked uncertainly.

"Perhaps one day." The commander replied faintly, his eyes looking away so that he would not make a promise he might not be able to keep.

As if sensing the troubled thoughts now running through his old mentors mind Zack remained quiet, his own head quickly filling with questions as he reflected on what had happened. He knew that for something to unsettle Angeal this much it must be bad, his concerns for Cloud's state of mind quickly rushing to the surface so that nothing else could be seen. Seconds later and the soldier had become lost within himself as he searched for the answers, his mind rushing through the memories as he tried to put the pieces of a puzzle together in hopes of seeing the picture more clearly.

Beside him Angeal remained silent as his own thoughts were once again focused on Sephiroth and how void of emotion the man could be, his unspoken fears that the cadet might end up the same way actually making it a little harder for him to breath. Fearful brown eyes suddenly darted up and across to the soldier's bowed head, the commander's heart rate increasing slightly as he began to silently pray that his puppy would never have to know that pain. He had just been about to speak again when Zack's head came up, the deep frown across his brow looking painfully wrong on such a young face.

"I think I overreacted." He admitted with a heavy sigh.

"Cloud said exactly the same thing." Angeal noted gently, as he fought to keep his voice calm. "He also seemed annoyed at himself for allowing it to happen."

"What else did he say?" The soldier enquired hesitantly.

"In truth we mainly discussed his reasons for wanting the punishment." The commander replied, his enhanced hearing easily picking up the way this revelation made Zack's heart start to beat a little bit faster.

"He didn't tell you what happened?" The soldier asked nervously.

"No but ..."

Here Angeal's voice faltered as he found himself second guessing the words he wanted to say, the ones he had intended to use no longer suitable unless he wished to upset Zack again. Instead of revealing that they had also discussed Cloud regrets and feelings about the argument he chose a different approach, his need to know more before saying anything else being the basis for his next request.

"Zack, can you tell me?" He began slowly, his eyes connecting with the soldier's as he continued. "Maybe if I know, then what he said to me will make more sense for both of us."

"Alright." Zack agreed with heavy sigh, the idea of going over it all again clearly not one he was happy with. "I ... I guess it all began when I found him writing that letter." The soldier began, his head falling forward so that once again his face was hidden by a curtain of black spikes.

"What letter?" Angeal enquired cautiously, the dejected appearance of the man in front of him causing alarm bells to start ringing in his mind.

"The one where he was ... he was trying to say ... goodbye." Zack choked, the words appearing to stab into his very heart as they were spoken.

Angeal felt the pain within the admission as it was forced from the soldier's mouth, the anger and hurt so evident in the tone of his voice as it faltered. He now understood why Cloud had been so worried that Zack would not forgive him, the comforting reassurance he had given the cadet no longer one he was sure he should have spoken.

"Tell me." The commander repeated, his tone being both calm and gentle but also firm to show that it was no longer a request.

The next few hours passed by slowly as both went over the events of the morning, the soldier going first by describing what had happened within the apartment. For Angeal the description of the cadet's emotional outburst was not a surprise, Cloud had after all admitted to this himself when they had spoken. It was also no surprise that the argument had been part of a larger event, the rollercoaster of emotions expressed clearly revealing the blonde's inability to sort through his feelings before expressing them. The commander couldn't help but feel sorry for the soldier as he tried to describe what had happened, the confusion, frustration and hurt all mixed up within his words a sure sign that he still couldn't see the underlying problem. The lack of understanding bothered the commander, his head telling him that Zack should have been able to see past what was on the surface and look for what was hidden underneath. But then his heart reminded him that sometimes emotions clouded judgements, that perhaps on this occasion the soldier was indeed just as bad as the cadet for letting his feelings get the better of him.

It was only when Zack had finished that Angeal shared his experiences with the cadet that morning, his voice remaining calm and soothing as he described Cloud's words, emotions and most importantly of all the blonde's intentions regarding the punishment. He knew exactly when the soldier suddenly understood what had really happened, the brighter spark of light in Zack's eyes appearing as if someone had flicked a switch in his head. Together they smiled as the realisation began to dawn within the soldier's mind, the awareness of the fights benefits finally shining brightly like the sun in the midday sky.

"So everything that happened, the argument and anger and everything was ... it was a good thing?" Zack enquired carefully, his joyous expression only tainted by the slight traces of uncertainty which still lingered in his eyes.

"As I said to him earlier, your fight was perhaps not a good thing but certainly necessary." The commander replied with a small amount of amusement. "I also pointed out to him that it was you who has probably caused this, your more expressive qualities drawing him out of his shell."

"Thanks, I think." The soldier replied chuckling faintly, his eyes now sparkling with a warmer look of happiness.

"He told me that you are his light Zack, the light in his darkness." Angeal continued, his voice becoming a little more serious now as they looked at each other. "His feelings for you run deeper than even he is aware of, but they are quickly coming to the surface and I believe it is scaring him."

"I don't want to scare him Angeal, I just want to make him happy."

"And you do pup, you do. He told me that you made it alright for him to feel good again, that you made it ok for him to smile, to laugh and to be happy."

"So why is he afraid of that?" The soldier almost pleaded to know, his face now showing both the joy of these revelations but also the confusion they brought.

"I am not sure exactly." The commander admitted softly, his smile being one of comforting reassurance as he tried to explain his own theory. "He loves you, of that I am sure, but ..."

"But?" Zack asked fearfully.

"You have changed him Zack, your love for him has broken through his defences and found the person inside and that I believe is what scares him."

"He told me something the other day, something about keeping what he felt locked away." The soldier confessed hesitantly.

A curious eyebrow raised on the face across from him, the commander's silent questions encouraging Zack to continue with the explanation.

"We sort of .... uuuummm ... fell over each other and well it ... it freaked him out a bit." The soldier began nervously, his mind frantically trying to work out a way of explaining what happened to Angeal without actually mentioning the part where Cloud had ended up straddling him.

"How could you falling over each other ..." The commander began to ask, his words drifting away as Zack's face flushed with embarrassment. "I see." He finished chuckling softly, as the pink glow on tanned cheeks darkened even more.

The faint chuckle grew to a warmer joyous laughter, the sound eventually drawing the soldier from his internally cursing so that a small humours expression covered his own features.

"Ok, get it out of your system old man." Zack groaned, his mood considerably lighter even though a part of him still wanted to curl up and hide.

"I'm sorry pup, please go on." Angeal managed as he pulled himself together, the sparkle in his eyes still glowing brightly.

"Anyway, I guess it was the shock he needed because we ended up talking a bit about how we felt."

"He mentioned that you had talked, but did not go into detail."

"Sounds like something Spiky would do." The soldier agreed with a sigh. "Basically he confirmed my suspicions about always being alone here, in fact he made it sound like it was an issue from before this place as well."

"That would explain a number of things." The commander noted sadly, his body now leaning back into the chair as he listened.

"Basically he has some major confidence issues and being able to express himself is one of them."

"Then my earlier comments have helped you to see these things more clearly?" Angeal asked carefully, his cautious tone causing a small smile to form on Zack's lips.

"Yea, they have." The soldier began, his voice softening as he reflected on his own mistakes for not seeing it before. "He's scared of losing what he has ... of what we have because he hides everything, because he hides it from himself."

"I see." The commander breathed uncertainly, as he continued to watch Zack carefully.

"I can't believe I missed it, I mean I listened to what he said but I ... I don't think I really understood what it meant." The soldier said, his voice dropping to a serious tone. "I get it now though, the reason why Spiky ... why Cloud reacted the way he did earlier. It's because he's never had this before, the freedom to just be himself." Here Zack stopped and let out a heartfelt sigh, his awareness of how depressing these facts were making his own heart ache as he tried to explain them. "I've watched over him since the first day I witnessed his scrawny backside being knocked down in combat training but I ... I don't think I really saw him back then, not the real him. Everything he said or did was always so carefully done, every damn instruction cautiously followed, his guard constantly up even around me."

"But not anymore?" Angeal enquired hesitantly, his mind actually scolding him for needing to ask such a question.

"No, not now." The soldier confirmed, a soft look covering his features as he smiled faintly at the thought.

For a moment the commander said nothing as he watched the emotions play across the Zack's face, the happier expression he saw giving him more confidence to continue.

"I told him that you were a forgiving person and that for him it would go double." Angeal explained slowly, his eyes almost pleading that his words of comfort to the cadet had not been said in vain. "I also said that his concerns were not justified because he didn't run away but had in fact confronted you with his feelings."

"You told him that I would forgive him for shouting at me?" Zack asked hesitantly.

"Yes I did." The commander replied firmly. "It is not in your nature to be angry at people or to hold a grudge and for him I honestly believed that would also be true. If I was wrong then I am sorry, but I cannot imagine that you would prefer for him to be withdrawn and start keeping it all to himself again."

"No, no I wouldn't." The soldier responded quickly, his slightly panicked tone easing as he continued to speak. "I want him to open up, I just ... I just wish he had talked to me like he did with you. I mean sure, arguing is better than the silently treatment but it doesn't actually help to solve the problems."

"It didn't exactly start off with us talking either." Angeal confessed reluctantly, his head dipping low as he felt regret for the initial assault on the cadet.

"What do you mean?" The soldier's voice enquired uncertainly.

"Let us just say I owe him an apology at some point." The commander replied, as he looked up and smiled faintly.

The look didn't reveal much to Zack but it did let him known that something had happened after he left, something which Angeal was not happy about but did not want to discuss. The guarded expression only made the soldier more curious, his mouth opening to ask more but the words being interrupted as the commander continued.

"His punishment is not life threatening, but it will leave him exhausted and in some pain when he gets home." Angeal pointed out evenly. "I suggest you are there to give him the comfort he will need after such an ordeal."

"It was his choice to do this." Zack reminded the commander, his dislike for their decision still very evident in his voice.

"True, but it is your forgiveness which he will be seeking tonight, not mine, Sephiroth's or anyone else's."

"I don't understand." The soldier choked, his eyes widening as he looked up at Angeal's face. "I know we argued but that's normal when people get angry, right? I mean we were both upset and you told him that it was ok to let it out, didn't you?"

"Yes I did, but that does not change the fact that he still fears you will reject him for it."

"Why ... why would he think that?" Zack enquired nervously.

"Do you not remember how you were only hours ago, the mako glow in your eyes?" The commander began gently, as he took in the soldier's confused expression.

"Yes, but ..." Zack started to reply, the words barely forming in his mouth before they were cut off by Angeal's voice.

"No buts Zack, the glow was there." The commander stated firmly, his tone trying to remain calm and soothing as he spoke. "Cloud is not naive when it comes to these things and knows what it means when that happens, just as he understands that this time it was because of him."

"It hurts Angeal, knowing that he could give up on me so easily." The soldier confessed sadly, the pain being felt now evident in each word as it was spoken.

"I don't think he can Zack, not in the way you fear."

"But the letter ... I mean he ..."

"He wanted to say goodbye because he believed you were going to be separated, not because he wanted to." Angeal explained gently, a small pause for breath giving what he had to say next more meaning. "I am also not pleased with how quickly he expected the worst but I am glad that his thoughts were of you, that he felt the need to write the words he couldn't say."

"The letter." Zack gasped, his body now sitting up stiffly in the chair. "I ... I never read it."

"You didn't?"

"No, it was ... I mean they were all screwed up on the table, I never got a chance to see them."

"Them?" The commander replied questioningly. "You mean he wrote more than one letter."

"I'm guessing it was more like several attempts at the same letter." The soldier corrected, once again shaking his head at his own foolishness for not thinking about it sooner.

"Are they still at your apartment?"

"Yea, they are." Zack replied, already rising from his chair.

"Go, read them and then decide how you feel." The commander quickly spoke up before the soldier could disappear. "And if you need to talk come and find me."

"I will." Zack called back, as he hurried out the door.

Seconds later and the soldier was nothing more than a blur as he ran towards home, his body moving on some form of autopilot, the abandoned pieces of paper and the words they held now the only thing on his mind.

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	35. Chapter 35: Revelations

**First of all I want to say a big thank you to all the wonderful people who wished me good luck for the major exam I had to do and thank you to everyone for being so patient and waiting for the next chapter. **

**J****ust to let you all know the exam itself was a disaster and not because I couldn't do it but because the examining board sent out the wrong paper. As a result they were trying to grade us on an old syllabus (which included things we haven't studied yet) and had no chance of passing. I have since then being trying to find out when a new paper will be issued so that we can try again. It's also a reason why I haven't updated sooner than I wanted too. **

**Anyway enough explaining and on with the story. Enjoy :o)**

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**Revelations**

Zack stared down at the pieces of paper spread out before him on the table, his eyes travelling over each page once more checking to make sure he hadn't missed something. It had been easy to work out the order in which they had been written, the obvious frustration which the author had been experiencing making it clear to see. The first attempt had shaky handwriting and several lines across the page, the choice of words evidently not expressing what was intended. From there on it had been easy to follow the progression, the pages becoming more disjointed and messy, the scribbling out more harsh and forceful as the frustration and hurt became visibly apparent. There were even damp patches on one sheet, the pencil smudged beyond legibility and showing that at this point Cloud had cried his pain onto the paper. That letter had hurt the most when he opened it up, the attempt being somewhere in the middle and yet clearly the one which had broken the cadet the most.

The soldier slumped wearily against the back of the chair and took in the jumbled writing, his eyes taking in how each letter began and ended in a different way. It was only by comparing them laid out in this way that his mind was able to find the connections, the similar words or phrases which had been used to explain the same feelings. '_**I'm sorry**_' appeared on every sheet of paper, with the lead up or conclusion of the apology never quite the same but still it were always there. '_**Forever by your side**_' was also another statement which tore at his soul, again the heartfelt endearment being mixed within another series of scribbled out confessions. Violet eyes studied the crinkled pages and disjointed writing, the mind behind those eyes picking up on every detail which was offered to them.

As second later and Zack grabbed the abandoned pad from the table, the pencil in his hand moving effortlessly upon a fresh sheet of paper as he transcribed the words of several pages into one. He was careful to only choose the phrases which appeared on most of the attempts, the parts around them being ignored so that what he was left with appeared as a series of bullet points. Zack knew that it made Cloud's letters seem cold and impersonal this way, but considering the cadet hadn't actually been able to write what he wanted to say then perhaps this would show the intention more clearly.

It took him a good twenty minutes to go through each letter and match up the recurring phrases, his own paper now a mess of notes and scribbled out words. Slowly he tore the top page away and moved it to one side, his hand shaking slightly as he copied down the main points of Cloud's letters onto the new sheet of paper. Of all the attempts there were several clear points which came across, the wording almost always identical amongst the confusing passages and scribbled out corrections. The first two he had seen straight away, the 'I'm sorry' and 'forever by your side' having hit him square in the face as soon as he had begun reading them. But now he saw the other short sentences which were repeated throughout each effort, the words filling him with a sense of both joy and sadness.

'_**Forgive me**_' appeared the most often throughout each attempt, the plea being repeated over a dozen times on the damp smudged page alone. '_**Lost without you**__'_was also on every sheet of paper, the endearment sometimes starting the letter or expressed soon after he had begun but again it was always there. The words '_**Thank you'**_ appeared quite often as well, the reasons for them varying from help with training to just being there when he had needed someone. And then there were the last two phrases which cut to the core, the words causing his heart to start beating a little faster within his chest. '_**Never forget you**_' and '_**Always in my heart**_' being written at the end of each letter, the clarity of the words appearing as if they were a mantra which had repeated within Cloud's mind throughout the whole ordeal.

"Oh Spiky." Zack breathed softly, his fingers trembling as they slowly traced the last words on the page. "You're always in my heart too."

XXXXXXXXXXXX

For Cloud the day was passing much slower and more painfully, at least in the physical sense, his body now aching in ways which he had never thought possible. Not only was there a stabbing pain which had begun to travel up his spine at random times but also a constant burning sensation in his legs, the knees bent in the same position for so long that blood flow along the limbs had been reduced for hours. As a result the muscles and tendons were slowly knotting, the cramping twinges and periodic spasm being more than uncomfortable now and letting the blonde know he would be more than sore later. In the back of his mind Cloud scolded himself for being so weak, for allowing a day's worth of intensive cleaning to start breaking him where months of training and bullying had not. He now understood why the commander had suggested this punishment in the first place, the task itself not being life threatening but excruciating enough to fulfil their requirements.

There was no doubt in the cadet's mind that he had done the right thing in agreeing to it, that when people heard about what he had been made to do they would not question Zack or Angeal's loyalty to Sephiroth. But inside Cloud was also beginning to feel the strain of what he was doing, the demeaning work actually starting to affect his thoughts as it combined with the tiredness from a night of troubled sleep. The cadet closed his eyes as once again his head began to fill with negative thoughts, the silent onslaught draining him a little more as he forced himself to remember that this was what he had asked for. Pushing past the pain in his weary limbs Cloud lent forward to begin cleaning a new area, his abused arms protesting the action as they were forced to take more of his weight for a moment.

Unable to ignore the discomfort anymore the cadet looked down and took in the sight of the limbs in question, his tired eyes moving down to his hands where they saw the self-inflicted damage from hours of cleaning. No longer were developing calluses on his palms the only thing to worry about, the blonde's fingers now wrinkled and rubbed raw from being wet for so long, the normally pale skin currently bright pink in colour and drawn tight over the back of his hands. At some stage Cloud's knuckles had actually been mistreated to the point where they had begun to crack and bleed, a few fingernails also stained red where they had been chipped or broken as he worked. It was these wounds which now caused him the most pain, the cleaning solution he was using burning like an acid on the tender skin each time he dipped his hands into it. Once again the cadet's eyes screwed up tightly as he was forced to rinse the brush in the toxic liquid, a small hiss escaping his mouth before being silenced by his own lips slamming shut.

As expected the brief display of discomfort had not been missed by the mako enhanced soldier watching him, the older teen now shifting his position so that he could look at the cadet better. Cloud instantly noticed the movement and felt his breath catching in his throat, his ever observant blue eyes automatically flicking up to look for the normal signs of an imminent attack. What the blonde saw however was completely unexpected, the soldier now looking directly at him with an expression which appeared concerned and not angry as he had feared it would be. The surprising discovery left Cloud momentarily stunned as his mind raced over what he was seeing, the soldier's initial annoyance of being made to watch over him now apparently gone and replaced by something softer and more caring.

"Hey kid, you ok?" A hesitant but warm voice asked.

"Huh?" Was all the cadet managed to say in response, his eyes blinking several times in disbelief at what was happening.

"Are you ok?" The soldier repeated gently, his body now turning to face the blonde properly.

"I think so." Cloud mumbled uncertainly.

"Maybe you should take a break." The appointed guard suggested, his kind tone only confusing the cadet even more.

"No, it's ok I ... I took a break at lunchtime." The blonde replied nervously.

"Lunch was three hours ago and you haven't stopped since." The older teen informed him, the voice starting to take on that I'm about to make it an order tone.

"I'm alright." Cloud insisted as submissively as he could, his eyes now focused firmly down at the ground. "Please don't make me stop, I don't want to get into more trouble."

For a moment the soldier didn't speak and the cadet remained looking at the floor, his heart now racing as he silently prayed that the older teen would let it go. A deep heavy sigh was suddenly heard coming from where the appointed guard stood, his whole body shifting as he clearly reached a decision which he didn't like.

"Ok, I won't if it worries you that much but ..."

Here the man paused and Cloud could literally feel his heart stop, the breath he had been drawing in now stuck somewhere in this throat as he waited for the soldier to speak again.

"I know why you're here, I mean we all know what you did ... to the general and well ..."

The cadet's chest was suddenly no longer strong enough to contain his heart, the organ now not only remembering how to beat but pounding so fast and so hard it was almost painful.

"Look I'm not saying the guys and I approve but, well hell kid it's actually impressive in its own way."

The small sound which escaped Cloud's lips was more than noticeable this time, the tiny gasping breath being accompanied by saucer sized blue eyes which suddenly shot up to meet the soldier's serious expression. For a brief moment the blonde could only stare speechlessly as the words sunk in, his body slipping into some form of mild shock as the older teen continued to look at him with more than just concern now.

"Breath kid, it helps." The soldier joked, his amused smile trying to add humour while still looking uneasy.

"Impressive?" Cloud squeaked, his voice choking off again almost instantly.

"Yea, sure, I mean ..."

Once again the soldier's words hesitated as he tried to decide on which ones would be the best to use, his expression becoming thoughtful as the blonde's became even more confused.

"Ok, don't take this the wrong way but you're just a cadet, right?"

Cloud could only nod in silent agreement to the statement, it was after all true and not something he could argue even if he had been able to.

"Well, for you to be able to hit the general that's ... well that's something pretty surprising."

"But I didn't mean too." The cadet replied cautiously, the unexpected comments leaving him stunned and disorientated.

"Hell kid everyone knows that." The soldier barked out, his words intermingled with a short burst of laughter.

"But I ... I thought ..." Cloud stammered, his words becoming fainter as he stared at the appointed guard in disbelief.

"You thought what?" The older teen enquired curiously, his attention completely focused on Cloud now.

"It was disrespectful, what I did to him." The cadet managed to say, his voice dropping to almost a whisper in the already quiet room. "You should all hate me for it."

This time it was the soldier who allowed a small gasp to escape his lips, the larger more well developed frame instantly standing tall above Cloud's bent smaller frame.

"Everyone makes mistakes kid." The stern voice came back, the new tone making the blonde look up nervously as it demanded his attention. "It's true that not everyone is happy about what you did, but I think that when they find out what you got assigned because of it they might feel different."

"They ... will?" Cloud asked, his heart suddenly skipping a beat in what he quickly recognised as hope.

"Sure, at least I'm pretty sure."

The hesitation in his reassurance was not something the cadet wanted to hear, the words of comfort suddenly seeming a little colder as they faltered due to uncertainty.

"The truth is a lot of the guys are pretty protective of the general, so when you hurt him you in turn hurt them. Do you get what I mean?"

Once again Cloud could only nod in silence and wait for the soldier to continue his explanation, the thoughtful look on the older teen's face clearly showing there to be more to it.

"The stupid thing is if you had been a soldier in a sparring match with Sephiroth and managed to do that, then most of the guys would probably have given you a slap on the back for it."

To this statement the cadet had no words at all, his jaw simply dropping open in disbelief at how a simple thing as rank and situation could make such a difference. The soldier however didn't need a verbal reply to understand what Cloud was thinking, the stunned expression clearly revealing the unspoken thoughts in his head.

"Yea I know." He said, a hint of embarrassment in his voice before he chuckled nervously. "Sometimes these things don't make sense to me either."

"So they're more annoyed at me because of ... of who I am, not what I did?" Cloud asked cautiously, his sky blue eyes now begging for clarification and understanding.

"Afraid it's a bit of both." The soldier answered honestly with an apologetic shrug. "But the fact you got this punishment will help smooth some of that out, at least within the soldier ranks."

"But not the cadets?" The blonde guessed, his controlled tone slipping to reveal the fear which had been safely hidden away.

"Probably not." Was the confirmation he had been expecting, the voice which spoke it now sounding sympathetic. "Soldier's are more experienced in matters like this, they've either seen it before or experienced it themselves over the years. They'll also follow the general and commander's lead on the issue and accept that it has now been dealt with accordingly. Some might still hold a personal grudge, but they won't act on it because Sephiroth's honour has been protected."

At this point in the conversation Cloud bowed his head towards the ground again, his blonde hair falling forward like a curtain to hide the faint smile which had begun to form on his face. The cadet knew that it was not the soldier's words which had caused the feeling of relief to suddenly appear within him but more the unspoken ones, the silent confirmation that had he not been punished then it would be a completely different matter.

"As far as the subject goes with the cadets, I can't really say. "The soldier continued, his own thoughts making him oblivious to the blonde's ones. "I mean, from what I heard you were already fighting with them when Sephiroth stepped in so I'm guessing there are already issues between you guys."

"You could say that." Cloud mumbled, his head staying low even though the small smile was now gone again.

"Look, I know it's not much but if you need someone to talk too." The older teen offered casually, his expression brightening when a slightly flushed face suddenly looked up towards him.

"Thank ... thank you." The cadet breathed, his heart now racing at the unexpected turn of events.

"No worries kid." The older teen answered with a brighter smile. "Can't promise I'll always be around all the time, duties and patrols and stuff, but if you do want to chat just ask for Kunsel and the guys will find me."

"Kunsel?" Cloud repeated softly, the name coming out more like a question as his mind struggled to place why it sounded familiar.

"Yea, why?" The soldier replied, his tone becoming cautious as he took in the cadet's deep thoughtful look.

"I ... I know that name, I've heard it before." Cloud replied softly, his attention still mainly focused on sorting through the memories to a time or place when it would fit.

"You might have overheard someone talking about me, maybe another soldier." Kunsel suggested, his own curiosity rising as he found himself wanting to know who was talking about him.

"I don't exactly hang out around the other soldiers." The cadet replied, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks as he thought about the one he did spend a lot of time with. "There is one soldier though, my ... mentor." He corrected quickly at the last minute.

"Hey that's great, you must be good if you've got a mentor already." The soldier responded cheerfully, his smile growing a little more as he continued to talk. "I've got a friend who's taken up that role with a cadet, got to feel sorry for the kid though with someone like Zack trying to teach them. I'm not saying he isn't good at what he does but the guy would drive me nuts if he was ..."

Here Kunsel's words died off as he took in the shocked expression on Cloud's face, the slight pink hue to the blonde's cheeks completely gone and now replaced with a paler complexion again.

"You ok?" He asked, his brow furrowing at the sudden change in the cadet's appearance.

"Zack he's ... he's my mentor." Cloud stammered, his eyes a little wider than before.

"But your name's Cloud?" The soldier replied in a questioning tone, his mind quickly racing to check the facts he had. "Zack's pupil's name is Spiky."

The sudden scowl which appeared on the cadet's face instantly let Kunsel know that they were one and the same person, the blonde's obvious dislike for the name very apparent in the blue eyes which had now darkened slightly.

"Agh, I see." The soldier noted carefully, his mind quickly putting two and two together. "He gave you that nickname didn't he?"

"Yes." Was the softly growled reply, and Kunsel couldn't help but smile.

"Sorry." The soldier apologised, while trying to stifle the laugh which bubbled within him. "Knowing Zack I should have guessed it wasn't your real name."

"It's ok." Cloud grumbled after a minute, a heavy sigh escaping before he spoke again. "I know he doesn't mean any harm by it, it's just ... annoying."

"I got that." Kunsel noted with a soft chuckle, his smile growing now that he had finally met the cadet he had heard so much about. "Still I should have been able to work it out sooner. I mean sure I was assigned to Junon for a couple of months before actually getting a chance to meet you, but seriously you were all he talked about when we spoke."

The change in the blonde was almost instantaneous, the frustrated look and irritated expression falling apart to reveal a whole series of other emotions.

"He ... he talked about me?" Cloud asked uncertainly, his voice revealing both happiness and caution about this fact.

"Are you kidding, the guy wouldn't stop going on about you all the time. He says you're a natural with the sword and have great instincts, keeps going on about how he's gonna train you to be the best soldier ever." The older teen continued happily, his words being absorbed like a sponge by the blonde who was now sitting looking a little dazed by it all.

"He's exaggerating." The cadet eventually whispered softly in response, as if afraid to argue Kunsel's words. "I'm not that good."

"Trust me kid, I mean Cloud. Zack may act like a kid himself sometimes but he knows what he's talking about. Beside's from what rumours I heard about the incident, and the fact you're here doing this today, most of what he said must be true."

A blonde eyebrow rose questioningly and this time the soldier couldn't keep the amusement inside, a joyful laughter echoing in the room as he let it out for the world to hear.

"Think about it Cloud." Kunsel sighed, his whole body leaning back against the nearest locker in a completely relaxed pose. "How many other cadets do you know could have done what you did yesterday?"

"And lived you mean?" The blonde asked, his serious tone making the soldier snort in amusement before quickly swallowing the chuckle which tried to escape with it.

"Yea sure, and lived." Kunsel agreed, the grin he wore causing his face to almost split in two.

"I guess." Cloud accepted after a minute of silence, his thoughtful expression looking away to the far wall as he sighed heavily. "I just didn't think about it like that."

"Got caught up on the whole fearing for your life part, right?" The soldier guessed gently.

The slight twitch his saw in the cadet's reflexes was answer enough to his question, the tiny action not being much but still sufficient to let him know that had been correct. It was also now as he observed Cloud's hunched over form closer that Kunsel noticed the tension throughout the smaller frame, the obvious abuse to the cadet's hands clearly not the only discomfort he was feeling. Quickly the soldier noted the stiffness which had begun to form throughout Cloud's bent posture, his enhanced eyes now noticing the small muscle spasms beneath the cadet's uniform as certain positions were protested by the blonde's body. There was no doubt that Cloud was suffering as a result of the punishment, yet other than the small hiss earlier he had not once made any sign of showing it.

"Look try not to worry about." Kunsel offered to try and ease the blonde's worries. "This punishment is one of the worst and anyone who's done it before will know that, hell, some of the guys may even be sympathetic if they see you looking the way you do right now. No offense."

"None taken." The cadet replied softly, a faint curve of his lips showing that he had accepted the comment without insult.

"Like I said before as far as the soldier's are concerned the situation has been dealt with, so you shouldn't have to worry about any problems from them over it. But if the cadets do give you a hard time then you've got Zack and myself to give you a hand, if you want us to that is?"

"Thank you." The blonde replied, his smile growing a little bit more.

Just then the sound of approaching footsteps drew both Kunsel and Cloud away from their conversation, the large group of men entering the locker room interrupting anything more which might have been said between them. To the blonde's surprise none of the soldier's glared at him with harmful intent or bitterness, their expressions appearing happy and content to see him scrubbing away as they walked past. It was not something which Cloud had anticipated at all, his whole body now tense and alert for danger, their very calm and relaxed presence in fact putting him more on edge than if they had just simply attacked. Whether the soldier's noticed his reaction or not they said nothing, the casual chatter amongst them continuing as their sweat soaked bodies walked towards the showers on the other side of the room. It took a small dry and deliberate cough from Kunsel to draw the cadet's attention away from the small group again, the blonde's mind still lost as it tried to work through the baffling experience and make sense of it.

"Told you." Was all the soldier mouthed, his smile almost reaching from ear to ear.

Cloud knew that Kunsel had not spoken the words on purpose, that the soldier's in the other room would be able to hear them easily due to their own mako enhancements. Taking it as a sign that their discussion was now officially over the cadet nodded politely in thanks and returned to his task, his head moving back round to look down at the ground in front of him. It was only then that Cloud noticed the dozen or so sets of muddy footprints which now marked his clean floor, the unsurprising discovery causing him to inwardly grown in despair. With a weary sigh the cadet dipped the scrubbing brush back into the bucket to begin again, his mind hardly noticing the pain this time as the new thoughts which filled his head quickly pulled him away from it all.


	36. Chapter 36: Forgiveness

**Before I begin has anyone else been having trouble logging in over the past few days or was that just me? **

**Ok, that question aside the other reason for the slight delay is once again exam related because the geniuses that they are (note sarcasm) have worked out that someone ordered the wrong paper and so have now reset the exam date for the end of March. That in itself wouldn't be so bad but what they have decided to do is carry on with the level 2 part, which we start tomorrow, and replace one of those lessons with the level 1 exam and then tack another level 2 lesson on at the end before we do the 2nd exam. **

**I know that in a way it makes sense but it does mean my head is going to be all over the place for a few weeks as I work through learning new things while also preparing for what is technically an old exam. Does that make sense? Anyway, updates may be a bit messy for a few weeks so please bear with me and I will do my best to keep posting at regular intervals.**

**Right, I'm going to stop talking now as you probably want to just read :o) Enjoy!**

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**Forgiveness**

The walk back towards Zack's apartment was awkward, the concerns about how things had been between them digging into Cloud's chest and making it hard to breath. The cadet knew it had all been necessary, that the soldier had to be angry at him so that the punishment could be done and would be accepted. But now as the moment of truth was approaching he felt scared, his heart and mind racing over whether the whole thing would be understood and forgiven. Beside him Kunsel chatted happily about his assignment in Junon, the soldier clearly trying to ease his worries while getting to know him better now that they were both officially off duty and the punishment was over. Although neither were willing to admit it just yet both knew that it was no coincidence they had met that afternoon, that it was not a bizarre twist of fate but the subtle work of Angeal, the commander's reason for such a thing being easy to guess even if it was not spoken out loud.

It was only as they reached the soldier apartments that Kunsel's words began to falter, his own thoughts now stumbling more over the idea of a cadet living with a soldier. He knew that mentor's and their students had to form a close bond to make the process work, that a good relationship was necessary to develop an unbreakable trust between them. What did confuse him however was when that process had changed to include becoming roommates, the concept actually surprising him a little based on past experiences. He was all too familiar with the rumours which had spread about Zack and Angeal in the early days, the pair constantly being considered as more and they hadn't even lived together. Kunsel sighed inwardly as they entered the building and moved towards the lift, his head now filled with at least a dozen questions for Zack about the whole thing. The only problem was that he didn't know how to ask them, the withdrawn silence of Cloud walking beside him giving even more reasons for concern.

Another quick glance at the cadet revealed just the same expression as before, the mask of indifference he was desperately trying to present being completely ruined by the fear swimming within his eyes. In fact the more he looked at those deep pools of blue the more the soldier felt himself being pulled in, the emotion so raw it looked as if the blonde himself was drowning in it. The soft ping of the lift was enough to snap Kunsel back to reality, a small shake of his head quickly clearing the daze he now found himself in. The situation was quickly becoming too complicated to make guesses at and he suddenly felt the need to talk to the raven haired soldier as soon as possible.

Inside the apartment Zack was watching the kitchen clock as if it were the timer on a very big bomb, his heart racing frantically in his chest while his mind had become a whirlwind of hopes and fears about Cloud's return. The talk with Angeal had made him aware of why the cadet had done it, the letters giving him an idea of the blonde's feelings, and in a way helping him to understand that it had technically been for the best. But now that Cloud was coming home he didn't know what to do, didn't know how things would be between them after the way they had been left that morning. The sound of someone knocking at the door brought Zack snapping back from his thoughts, his breath catching in his throat as he registered what had made the noise and what it could mean. A cold knot twisted in his stomach as he walked towards the door and silently prayed that it was someone else and not Cloud, because if the cadet wasn't comfortable using his key card then things were worse than he had previously thought.

What greeted the soldier as he opened the door was more than a surprise, his violet eyes widening slightly at the sight before he quickly composed himself again. There in front of him stood not only the blond he had been waiting for but also his assigned guard, the familiar face bringing a sense of relief that Zack didn't even know he had needed. For a moment no one spoke as they all hesitated in the doorway, the soldier's both smiling brightly at each other while the cadet continued to only stare at the floor.

"Hey Zack." Kunsel spoke up first, his cheerful voice easily breaking through the awkward silence. "Long time no see."

"Sure has been." The raven haired soldier replied with a smile. "So how was Junon?"

"Oh you know, the same as always." The soldier responded with a shrug, the small gesture showing that there was nothing of importance to report.

It was at this point that Cloud actually moved, his body shifting ever so slightly beside them both and drawing their combined attention towards him.

"You ok Spiky?" Zack asked hesitantly, the hint of concern in his voice being unmistakable.

"I'm fine." The cadet replied dryly, his head remaining bowed forward.

One look was enough to let them both know that the blonde was anything but fine, his tense posture and dishevelled form revealing more of his current state than words ever could. Instead of pushing the issue and risking another confrontation Zack kept his other worries tucked away and focused on what was more important in that moment.

"You should shower and get something to eat." He noted carefully, his eyes cautiously watching Cloud for any sign of a reaction. "An early night wouldn't hurt either."

"Yes sir." The cadet replied evenly, the lack of emotion bothering Zack more than he was willing to admit right then.

But this was the game they were now playing, the one where the pretence of only being mentor and student was slowly becoming dangerously real. It only added another bruise to the soldier's aching heart as Cloud quickly and quietly disappeared into the apartment, his retreating figure being hesitantly followed by Kunsel who entered after Zack's silent gesturing invitation for him to do so.

"So that's Spiky." The 3rd class soldier half asked half noted, as soon as the sound of running water could be heard coming from the bathroom.

"Yea, that's him." Zack sighed, his smile fading a little at the edges as he glanced towards the closed door.

"I wasn't aware that the mentoring scheme included becoming roommates now." Kunsel aired casually, his comment causing the other soldier to winch slightly before looking at him again.

"It doesn't." Zack admitted carefully, his violet eyes showing his uncertainty at saying anymore.

"So why's he staying here and not at the barracks?" The 3rd class soldier asked, his prior knowledge already giving him a good idea behind the reason.

"He had some problems with the other cadet's." Was the cautiously spoken reply he had half expected.

"I take it the bullying you suspected got out of hand?"

"Yea, it did." Zack answered bitterly, his violet spheres actually darkening as he spoke. "They were being rougher on him than I thought."

"But he came to you about it in the end though?"

"No it was the ... it was something else that brought it to my attention."

For a few minutes both stood in silence as Kunsel waited for a more detailed explanation, his patience going unrewarded as Zack remained quiet and began to shift uncomfortably in front of him. This abnormal behaviour in itself was enough to let the 3rd class soldier know that whatever had happened it must have been something bad, his friend's unusual nervous movements and apparent unwillingness to speak about the matter only adding to his growing feelings of concern.

"Zack." Kunsel spoke up uncertainly, his own feet now shifting restlessly. "I'm not exactly up to date with the compound gossip yet but I've already heard a few things about him."

"Like what?" The raven haired soldier asked, his tone suddenly becoming defensive.

"Relax I'm not about to insult you by saying that I believe all of it." The 3rd class soldier began, his hands rising in a sign of peace. "I'm just saying that there's stuff being said which you might want to be aware of."

For the briefest of moments it looked as if Zack was about to ask for more information, his mouth opening and closing several times before he finally settled on sighing in frustration. Both knew that now was not the time to discuss these things, especially when the cadet they were talking about could return at any moment.

"Look, I've got a session booked in the VR room tomorrow." Kunsel spoke up, an idea coming to mind which he knew the other soldier would agree too. "Why don't we work through a program together and catch up."

Zack's mood instantly lightened at the suggestion, his violet eyes now brightening once more so that they sparkled with the joyful light which the 3rd class soldier was used to seeing. Both understood that the session would not only give them a chance to talk more freely but also the opportunity to have some fun training together, something which they hadn't been able to do for a while now.

"That sounds great." Zack agreed happily, his mind already confirming that it would be fine for them to meet up while Cloud was in class.

"Great, then I'll see you at ten." Kunsel noted cheerfully, his feet already moving towards the door to leave with the other soldier following close behind him.

"Sure and thanks, for everything." Zack said, as he opened the door to see his guest out.

"No worries." Kunsel replied with a cheerful smile, his hand rising to give a mock salute just before he turned and walked away.

With a heavy sigh the raven haired soldier slowly closed the door and then lent his forehead against the flat surface, the solid material feeling cool to the touch and helping him to focus on what was to come next. His heart was already racing again as he thought about the cadet currently showering, the images of a naked wet Cloud making him grin while thoughts about the conversation they needed to have made his stomach flip-flop horribly. Drawing in a deep steadying breath Zack pushed himself into an upright position and moved towards the kitchen, his intention to cook them both a decent dinner temporarily giving him something else to think about.

Twenty minutes later and the cadet emerged from the bathroom wrapped in nothing but a towel, his glistening wet body moving hastily through the apartment until it was safely hidden within the bedroom. The soldier wasn't surprised when the door was quickly closed, in effect shutting him out, the brief flicker of emotions he had seen in Cloud's eyes letting him know that his earlier suspicions had been right. With a sad but hopeful smile Zack turned his attention back to the task as hand, his mind already whispering a silent prayer that the blonde would find the letter he had left on their bed for such an event.

Within the bedroom Cloud's heart was also racing again, his insides slowly becoming a twisted knot of feelings as he struggled to sort through them all. He had been fine while standing beneath the pounding spray of the shower, the hot water thankfully easing some of the aches and pains of the day, his mind actually finding a moment of clarity as the blood sweat and tears were washed away. But now that he had dealt with the physical wounds of the punishment there were only the emotional problems left to face, the fears and uncertainties of how things would be between them quickly filling his head with doubt. The cadet knew that they needed to talk about it, understood that until they did things would only get worse. But now as he stood in the empty room he began to feel scared and unsure, the cool air that nipped at his exposed skin making him feel even more cold and alone.

Quickly the blonde moved to dry off and get dressed for bed, his mind thankfully allowing him a few minutes of peace from the negative thoughts as he focused on a task which was necessary. It was only as Cloud pulled the cotton t-shirt down over his head that he suddenly felt a sense of calm ease through his body, a familiar scent on the material causing him to pause in what he was doing. Slowly the cadet gathered a small piece of the fabric against his chest and raised it up to his nose, his lungs drawing in a deep breath as he inhaled the musky aroma.

Blue eyes widened slightly as the blonde realised that it was Zack's scent which now filled his senses, the soothing fragrance drifting up from the clothes he wore and providing a temporary relief from it all. A faint smile began to form on Cloud's lips as he closed his eyes and thought about how the smell had gotten there, images of them lying side by side in bed making his heart fill with both joy and sadness. There was no way to know if he would be allowed to share in that experience ever again, the cadet's smile now bitter sweet as he clung to the memories as if they were the only ones he would ever have. Once again he felt the worries of the day begin to stir within his head, the heart-wrenching thoughts forcing him to start thinking about the unknown and consider what should happen next.

In truth Cloud had spent the whole day going over this moment in his head, all the things he wanted to say when they were reunited being worked out in painful detail. But now that the time had come the blonde couldn't remember any of it, the apologies and explanations he had worked so hard to form now a jumbled up mess within his head. Instead of facing Zack like he should have done he'd run away again, had literally shut the door on it all so that he wouldn't have to take the risk of being hurt. It was a weak and foolish thing to do, a response that only a coward would have and the cadet began to hate himself more for it. With a frustrated sigh the blonde threw himself onto the bed, his face instantly meeting the cool crisp feel of paper rather than the soft warmth of a pillow. With a start Cloud sat up and looked down at the unexpected item, the clean white folded piece of parchment bearing his name staring up at him expectantly. With trembling hands the blonde carefully picked it up and unfolded the page so that the words would be displayed more clearly, all other thoughts now being pushed aside as he began to read.

__________________

_**Hey Spiky**_

_**Well if you're reading this then one of two things has happened, either I didn't have enough courage to actually talk to you when you got home or if I did then it didn't go well. Hopefully I'm wrong and everything between us is how it should be, that right now you're lying asleep in my arms where you belong and this letter is a screwed up piece of paper in the bin. But if as I fear this is not the case then all I can do is hope that you will accept my apology, that you will forgive me for not having the strength to face you after the hurt I caused before and then the stupidity I must have shown in letting it happen again. I also want you to know that I'm sorry for the way I acted this morning, and admit that I overreacted when we fought, that I didn't really understand what you were going through. I'm now aware that there were things you had thought about which I was blind too, worries you had that were more than justified and something I shouldn't have dismissed so easily or carelessly.**_

_**I don't know if this will make things better or worse between us right now, but we swore to each other there would be no secrets and it's a promise which I intend to keep. It is also this honesty which makes the next part hard to write, but I want you to know the truth and can only hope that you will forgive me if my actions cause you more hurt. After talking with Angeal I realised that the goodbye letter you tried to write was something I needed to read and so I did, each attempt helping me to see things more clearly. I'm not really sure if you wanted me to have them, at least not in the state they were in, but I had to know what they said so in turn could understand things better. **_

_**What I've learnt is that sometimes the words which are needed to explain how we feel can be the hardest ones to find, your attempts all showing me the things which you couldn't say out loud but clearly feel deep inside. Please don't hate me for what I 'm about to say, especially after all the effort you put into the letters you wrote, but I want you to know that there are also times when we don't have to say anything at all. This is probably going to sound a little creepy but there are moments at night where I lie and watch you sleep, the silence around us meaning nothing because your very presence in my arms says it all. I'm not sure if I've explained myself properly but I hope you understand what I mean, that sometimes actions speak louder and more clearly than words ever could.**_

_**Ok, so there we have it, my own rather disastrous attempt at writing down the things I was unable to say before you had a reason to find this. I can only imagine that right now I am probably pacing outside in the living room as you read, my heart somewhere in my throat as I wait for you to either reply or ignore me. I truly hope that what I say next will ease any tension there might be between us, that if we're not speaking because of our fear or anger then this next part will give you a reason to talk to me again. I need you to know that I accept your apologies but that they were never necessary, that I would forgive you anything as long as you remain by my side forever. I too would be lost without you should we ever be separated, the bond which has formed between us making you more precious to me than life itself. I will never leave you Cloud no matter what happens, but should fate ever choose to pull us apart I will never forget what we have and you will always be in my heart.**_

_**Zack**_

__________________

The soldier wasn't sure when the bedroom door had opened but suddenly he could feel eyes staring at him, his own body freezing in place within the kitchen as he slowly looked up and across to where the cadet stood. No longer where blue eyes looking fearfully at him but instead filled with a brightness which had no comparison, the sapphire like gems shining more radiantly than any star ever could. There was nothing but love in those deep rich pools of blue, the glistening orbs allowing tears to escape and trail down over a face which held the most wondrous of smiles the world had ever seen. Had it not been for the look of pure joy on the blonde's angelic face Zack would have feared the worst at the sight of those tears, but now the tiny drops of liquid meant something else entirely. They were the visual evidence of the words Cloud hadn't been able to say, the things he still struggled with but now knew were understood and shared.

The cadet could feel his whole body shaking as he stood in the doorway, his feet frozen in place and unable to cross the short distance between them. In front of him stood the blurry image of the man he loved, the soldier's violet eyes now a sea of emotions which reflected his own and pulled at him from where he stood. The blonde felt his legs going weak as he forced himself to take a step forward, as he tried to pretend that everything was alright and that he wasn't really drowning in the depths of it all.

"I'm sorry." Cloud managed, before the air around him was suddenly too thick to breath.

Instead of responding with words Zack turned and started to move towards him, strong muscular arms reaching out so that they instantly captured the trembling cadet in a tight embrace. Cloud wasn't given a chance to speak again as his smaller frame was suddenly pulled up and against the soldier's body, as he was forced to rise up on his toes and Zack's mouth quickly descended upon his own. The cadet barely had time to draw a small gasping breath as their lips met, as the feel of those soft delicate pieces of flesh moving against his own stole the words he had been about to say.

For Zack there had been no hesitation in what he wanted to do, no doubts about what he knew was needed as he poured his heart into the kiss. All the things he had wanted to say were gone now, the useless questions and debates fleeing his mind as soon as Cloud had appeared in the doorway. With no other rational thoughts to control him the soldier had let his instincts take over, had given into the one demand which had been there throughout. He had no regrets for that now, not as he held the blonde's body tightly against his own and let the love he felt be shown in the purest way he could. But it wasn't until Cloud began to respond to the kiss that Zack's heart finally started beating again, the lithe body in his arms now reacting to what was happening by drawing them in tighter against each other.

There was no longer a need to say anything as Cloud pressed himself closer into the soldier's chest, his supple body desperately trying to mould itself to the larger frame so that there was more contact between them. The intimate kiss itself wasn't enough for the blonde anymore, the need which coursed through his veins giving him the courage to take it further. He only hesitated briefly before pushing his tongue against Zack's lips, as he teased at the seam silently begging to make this moment more than it already was. His heart nearly leapt from his chest when the soldier's mouth opened willingly, when a strong hand grasped the back of his head and pulled it forward encouragingly. In that moment time itself stopped and the rest of the world disappeared, the fears and uncertainties within the cadet being washed away as light and warmth flowed through his body.

For the soldier there was nothing else to think about except this moment, his mind a haze of relief and joy as he freely gave everything that he was to the person in his arms. But for Cloud there was so much more racing through his head, the realisation that no longer was he alone without a place in the world. Suddenly he understood that Zack really loved him, even after everything which had been said and done, still wanted him by his side just as the letter had said. The cadet felt his heart begin to beat a new rhythm within his chest, his body now coming to life in a way he'd never imagined as he began to return the feelings being given. Slim arms wound themselves around the soldier's neck pulling them closer together, the blonde's tongue now fighting back as the passionate kiss became even more heated and desperate. There was so much to be said, so many words that should have been spoken, yet this moment of intense wonder seemed to be saying it all for them.

Almost instantly both became lost in the kiss and blind to anything else as they shared in the experience, in simply giving and taking what words could not express. Lips crashed together fiercely bruising the tender flesh, as tongues delved within the warm cavern of their mouths and fought hungrily to taste the other. Neither wanted to let go as the love they felt spilled out of their bodies and into the others, the need to forgive and be forgiven running desperately through their veins. It was only when the world began to swim in colours that they broke away from each other, their chests heaving almost painfully as both fought to draw precious air into their lungs.

For a few minutes they stood and held each other tightly, their bodies continuing to tremble in the other's arms as both struggled to bring themselves back under control. Neither rushed to speak as their breathing began to calm, both still unsure what to say as they listened to the others frantically beating heart as it started to calm. Slowly and hesitantly shimmering blue eyes opened and looked up to connect with glowing violet spheres, the unspoken emotions held within the brightly coloured orbs saying so much more than words ever could. And suddenly it was as if all of the things which they had been afraid of were gone, all the worries which had plagued both soldier and cadet throughout the day now melted away by the heat of their kiss.

It was no surprise then that the pair now found themselves standing in a comfortable silence, the storm of emotions which had raged within each of them slowly fading away, the simple pleasure of being held maintaining the unspoken reassurances which both still needed. It was the soldier who eventually brought the tender moment to an end, his thoughts once more returning to the conditions the cadet had been working in and making him feel unsettled. Zack knew that the punishment would have been harsh on Cloud as well as caused a lot of discomfort, just as he was also sure that the cadet would have been only allowed a short break for lunch with probably a horrible and completely inedible meal. It was with these thoughts that the soldier's mind began to form a plan, his need to have things back to the way they were driving him to interrupt the peaceful moment.

"Are you hungry?"Zack asked soothingly, his hands now moving to gently rub along the blonde's back.

"A little." Cloud agreed quietly, a small contented sigh escaping just after the words had been spoken.

"I was just sorting some food out, if you're interested?" The soldier offered softly, his head tilting to one side so that he could see the cadet's face more clearly.

"That would be nice." The blonde replied lightly, his face lifting up so that their eyes could meet again.

Both smiled happily and held each other for a few minutes more, their bodies only separating once the pot on the stove actually began to boil over. Zack gave a quick but clearly reluctant hug before he pulled away, his finger tips trailing down over Cloud's arms until the distance forced him to break the contact between them completely.

From where he now stood the soldier was able to watch as the cadet slowly made his way over to the sofa and sunk into the soft material, his position within the kitchen allowing him to clearly see every silent flinch in the cadet's movements. For a brief second Zack considered saying something about it, his mind quickly catching up with his mouth before it could actually speak the words. Right now Cloud needed a good meal and emotional comfort just as Angeal had said he would, the blonde's physical aches and pains obviously something he was not yet ready to admit to and being a problem they would deal with later.


	37. Chapter 37: Talking to each other

**Bad me, I got distracted by my 4WS story idea and spent some of my free time working on that. Sorry.**

**Hope you can forgive me for the delay and I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

**Talking to each other**

While Cloud relaxed on the sofa watching the TV Zack finished preparing dinner, the delightful aroma of the food making both men's mouths water and stomachs growl hungrily. The soldier couldn't help but smile when he heard the cadet's tummy rumble just as eagerly as his own, nor could he hide the smile which spread across his face when he saw the blonde blush in response to the sound.

"I take it you're hungry?" Zack asked playfully, his eyes sparkling in happiness as Cloud blushed an even deeper shade of red.

"Yes." Was all the cadet managed, before his embarrassment caused his voice to cut off completely.

Knowing better than to laugh at this point Zack kept his amusement to himself, while quickly filling two large bowls with the steaming mixture of meat and vegetables and carrying them over to the dining table. He had just turned to invite the blonde over when he noticed that Cloud had already begun to walk towards him, the slow movements giving him a reason to be concerned again. One look was all it took to know that the cadet was trying not to pull at already strained and abused muscles, the slight twitches he made demonstrating just which areas were most affected. Silently Zack logged each flinch within his mind for later, knowing that if he mentioned it now the blonde would probably become defensive and it would spoil the moment.

"Are you ok?" A quiet voice asked drawing Zack from his silent musings, his head snapping up to see that Cloud was practically beside him now.

"Yea, I'm fine." The soldier flustered as he pulled a chair out for the cadet to sit on, his smile not quiet where he had been a few minutes ago.

"I'm alright." Cloud spoke up faintly, as he lowered himself into the chair, a slight winch as he turned to face the table contradicting the statement. "I've just strained a few muscles while scrubbing the floors, that's all."

For a minute Zack was left standing speechless behind the blonde's sitting form, his jaw practical hanging open as he stared at the back of Cloud's head in disbelief. Instantly his mind became a tornado of thoughts and question, his brain quickly processing the fact that not only was the cadet openly talking about the day's events but had actually admitted to being in some discomfort because of them. It was not something the soldier had been expecting. Oh yes he had prayed for it, even dared to hope that it might happen, but at no point had he actually considered it to be a real possibility. And suddenly here they were in a situation where it could go either way, the things he wanted to talk about being possible because Cloud had indirectly given him permission to do so. The only problem now was that Zack didn't know what to do, wasn't sure how to move on from the comment without acting like a bull in a china shop and wrecking everything.

"This smells great." The cadet noted gently, his voice breaking the soldier free of his internal ramblings and the sudden change of subject leaving Zack even more at a loss.

"Hopefully it tastes good too." The soldier joked lightly after a moment's hesitation, grateful that his voice didn't betray his uncertainty as he took a seat across from the blonde.

For a few minutes neither spoke as they began to eat, the silence between them not uncomfortable as Zack had feared it might be, the atmosphere of the room in fact calm and pleasant as they ate. It was perhaps after five minutes of them enjoying the meal that the soldier began to talk again, his thoughts once more mulling over the day's events and being something he was still hoping they could discuss in more detail.

"So you met Kunsel then." He noted casually, the subject seeming to be a nice neutral place to start.

"Yes." Cloud replied, a faint curve of his pale pink lips making Zack raise an eyebrow questioningly.

"And?" The soldier probed curiously, the new expression forming on the blonde's face making his insides fill with the need to know more.

"He was nice to me." The cadet whispered softly, a slight blush quickly gracing his delicate features as he continued to eat.

For a minute Zack didn't know whether to be grateful to his supposed friend or hunt him down and kill him, the soft and rarely seen look of happiness on Cloud's face making him feel more than a little jealous of the 3rd class soldier. With a good mental slap Zack shook his head and quickly cleared the little green monster away, his head reminding him that it was good for the cadet to start trusting others, his heart telling him that it was important for Cloud to feel safe and liked.

"Nice how?" He asked lightly, his voice thankfully managing to sound reasonably calm as he spoke.

"We talked about things and it ... it made me feel better." The blonde said thoughtfully, his gaze still focused on the bowl in front of him even though the spoon was now only poking at the food absentmindedly. "He said that if I ever needed help I ... I could ask him."

"Help with what?" The soldier enquired, as casually as he could.

"With anything I guess, he seemed pretty open about the offer." Cloud replied, his voice holding a grateful tone which Zack had never heard him use before when talking about another person that wasn't Angeal, Reno or Tseng.

"Oh." The soldier replied rather sullenly, the little green monster once again peeking out even as he tried to mentally bat it away.

As if noting the slight change in Zack's mood the cadet now looked up and across at him, the slight concern flickering in his sky blue eyes making the soldier feel a little guilty for his jealous thoughts. It was wrong of him to be resentful of Kunsel's offer to help Cloud, not to mention selfish to expect the cadet to only be happy around him, but still the idea of someone else being able to make his Spiky blush and smile in that way made something inside him ache just a little.

"Are you ok?" Cloud whispered, the question clearly being one he was unsure about asking.

"Yea, just ..." The soldier began, his words faltering in uncertainty of how Cloud might take the real answer.

The confused and worried look he got however was enough to push him to complete the sentence, the foolishness of it making him blush even as the words passed his lips.

"Just feeling a little jealous I guess." He mumbled looking away from the cadet, his finely sculpted cheeks now developing a pink hue as well. "I mean, uuummm, I want you to have friends but, well ..."

"At the same time you still want me all to yourself." Cloud finished, his words matching the soldier's thoughts exactly.

"Yes." Zack gasped in surprise, his violet eyes blinking slightly as they focused back on the cadet. "How did you know?"

"That's how I felt before ... before we got together." The blonde replied with soft smile, as the rosy tint to his face darkened a little more. "You always had so many friends and ... and even when I convinced myself that I was nothing more than a cadet to you it still ... I still felt something when I saw you with them."

"You did?" The soldier asked in amazement, the revelation making his heart beat a little faster within his chest.

"Yes." Cloud breathed, his voice becoming sadder as he spoke again. "I tried to deny it to myself, tried to push it all away as if it wasn't real, but the truth is that I was jealous that they had you and I didn't."

"But you did have me." Zack protested, a frown developing on his brow as the conversation began to turn in a way he had not expected.

"I had you as a mentor and nothing more, and that was my fault." The blonde continued, his tone now regretful as he pushed the remaining food to one side and clasped his hands together on the table in front of himself. "You tried to be a friend but I ... I didn't trust you. I wanted something more between us, but at the same time feared it. I wanted what they had but I couldn't ... I couldn't let my guard down enough to ..."

Here Cloud's words choked off as a lump rose in his throat, his hands clasped so tightly together that the knuckles had actually gone white. Hating to see the way the cadet was now abusing his already injured hands the soldier quickly reached out and captured them within his own, each strong calloused palm enclosing a delicate limb protectively within its grasp.

"Hey, it's ok." Zack soothed, his thumbs moving to gently massage the small area of skin they could touch without letting go. "You've let me in now."

Slowly sapphire like gems appeared under blonde eyelashes as the cadet looked up at him, the glistening jewels now shimmering as the unshed tears danced across them. In that moment the soldier was left at a loss for words, the reassurances he wanted to give seeming pale as well as insignificant and somehow not enough compared to the depths of the blonde's feelings. His thoughts however were not given time to adjust to the demands being placed upon them, his need to find something to say being pushed aside as Cloud continued to speak in a way which he had never done before.

"You know that I ... that I've had some problems ..." The cadet began, his head turning to look away as if afraid to see Zack's reaction to whatever he was about to say.

"Yes." Was all the soldier could utter in response, his voice remaining soft and as neutral as he could manage in that moment.

"The truth is I ... it wasn't just here, the problems I had ... they didn't just happen here."

For a minute Zack sat quietly and waited for Cloud to continue, the tension within the blonde's smaller frame now noticeable in the way he had started to tighten his own fingers around the soldier's as if needing an anchor to hold onto.

"I never had any friends back home either." The cadet continued, after drawing a shaky breath. "I thought it would be different here, that things would be better, but it wasn't. I came here to make my life more than it was, to prove myself but ..."

"But what?" The soldier asked hesitantly, the painful pause in the blonde's explanation making his own heart feel crushed.

"But it wasn't like that, it was ... it was worse." Cloud choked, his words becoming broken by small sobs as he forced himself to say them. "I tried to ... to fit in, I really did, but ... but they never accepted me ... never ... never saw me as ... as anything but a ... a ..."

"A what Spiky?" Zack probed as gently as he could, a heavy gut wrenching feeling settling in his stomach as he pushed for an explanation he wasn't even sure he wanted to hear.

But Cloud was unable to answer his question with words and instead shook his head in response, his delicate lips now pressed firmly together as he silently communicated that he wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Inside the soldier felt his heart ache as he watched the blonde's internal battle rage, the obvious desire to open up about these things fighting with the self-preservation instincts which still controlled him. Zack knew that now was not the time for words and remained quiet as the various emotions played out for him to see, as the things Cloud was feeling were at least allowed to be shown even if they couldn't be said. It was only when the first tear began to fall that the soldier felt something within him break, the sight of the single glistening drop being quickly joined by another as they ran freely down over pale cheeks making his insides tighten painfully.

"Don't cry, please." Zack begged softly, his words sounding strained as he tried to keep them calm and soothing. "It's not like that now."

But once again the cadet remained quiet as he curled in on himself a little more, a silent nod being his only response of possible agreement and acceptance to the soldier's words.

"Cloud it's ... it's ..." Zack began, his voice trailing off helplessly as he realised that he didn't really know what to say.

"I'm sorry." The blonde breathed, as if sensing the soldier's dilemma. "I'm ok now, honest." He stammered while quickly trying to pull himself together, his hands shaking as he removed one from the soldier's grasp to wipe his tears away.

But Zack knew that the cadet's words were far from the truth, his own free hand now moving up to gently erase the wet silvery tracks beneath those sad shimmering eyes. It was therefore more than a relief when Cloud actually lent into the touch, his damp cheek nuzzling against the palm so that it opened up to cup his face tenderly. This time when the cadet looked at him there were no words on the soldier's lips at all, no reassurances that could be given for such a lost and desperate need of understanding which was presented to him. And for a moment the soldier found himself looking into deep pools of blue and feeling his insides twist at what he saw hidden within them, the emotional and psychological injuries which had been inflicted on Cloud by the other cadets clearly worse than he'd ever imagined them to be. However it was only as he gazed deeper into those sorrowful sapphire eyes that Zack really began to understand, the cadet's carefully locked away scares now becoming visible and tearing at the soldier's already aching heart.

The truth cut to Zack's core as he finally began to make sense of it all, the wounds which Cloud had tried to heal by coming here actually leaving him exposed and vulnerable to further attack. Instead of finding a place of safety where he could heal and grow stronger the cadet had only found more pain, the new injuries he was inflicted with in fact adding themselves to the old ones and making things worse. And suddenly Zack understood why Cloud had learnt to build such strong defences against the world, the reasons behind his choice to keep people out, the years of being hurt both mentally and physically explaining his need to hide himself away from it all.

But now the soldier saw that the walls had not been strong enough against the words, the cadet's body able to take the physical blows of their torture but no longer the constant mental assaults he had been exposed to. Just like an infection of the flesh self-doubt had taken hold of the blonde's mind, the constant abuse spreading like a poison and eating away at his confidence until he was unable to take anymore. Once again Zack silently cursed himself for not helping Cloud sooner, for allowing the toxic mess within the blonde's own head to break him, as he now understood why the cadet had attempted to end his life all those weeks ago

"Cloud, I need you to listen very carefully to what I'm about to say." The soldier began gently, the firm tone of his voice only adding to the serious look in his eyes. "You are so much more than they could ever hope to be and that is why they hurt you. They were ... are jealous of what you can do, of all the things which make you better than them and more likely to succeed here."

"But Zack I'm ..." The cadet managed to stammer before he was cut off, the soldier's violet spheres now pleading with him to listen and accept what was being said.

"You're amazing, that's what you are." Zack continued, his words spoken with such certainty and passion that Cloud was given no reason to doubt them. "You already have instincts which are beyond their level of understanding, natural talents that only get better as you practice, and a fierce determination to succeed which puts them to shame."

Here the soldier paused to make sure that the blonde was still listening to him, the vulnerable look in Cloud's eyes showing that these were indeed the things he needed to hear but had been afraid to ask.

"Trust me Spiky when I say that being in soldier is about more than just body size and muscle mass, it's about having dreams and honour, about strength of heart and spirit. General Sephiroth doesn't chose men who believe it is their right to be in soldier, he chooses the ones who put everything they are into being the best and earn it with every breath in their bodies."

"I try Zack, I really do." The cadet whimpered, the fear and self-doubt still shimmering in his eyes.

"I know you do Spiky." Zack reassured gently, as he affectionately squeezed the hand which he still held. "I see it in everything you do and Angeal does too, which means that Sephiroth is probably aware of you as well."

"But ... but I hit him." Cloud choked as he thought about the general, the scene from before playing in his head once more just to torment him. "He's not going to want me in soldier after that."

"Have you even thought about why he was there in the first place?" The soldier asked, the idea suddenly springing to mind and causing him to smile faintly. "I mean think about it for a minute, why would the general even be in the gym with a bunch of training cadets unless he had a good reason?"

"You think he ... that he was there to watch me?" The blonde asked softly in surprise, his heart racing in both hope and fear of such a possibility.

"Sure, why not?" Zack replied happily, a rush of pride now flowing through his system. "No doubt Angeal mentioned you at some point after all the training we've been doing together, and he's definitely heard me going on about how good you are often enough."

"You talk about me to the general?" Cloud gasped in mild shock, his face no longer looking sad but once again becoming the colour of rose petals as he blushed at the thought.

"Yes. No. Well sort of." The soldier answered guiltily, as he took in the sight of the flustered cadet. "I tend to just talk a lot, about you, and sometimes he's around."

"I don't even want to know what you might have told him." The cadet cringed, as he mentally reviewed all the things which Zack could have let slip. "And then I have to go and make that kind of first impression in person, on top of whatever else he already thinks about me."

"As far as first meetings go that was a pretty memorable one." The soldier agreed lightly, his expression becoming curious as he took in the blonde's rather calm appearance.

"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, noticing the look he was now getting.

"I was about to ask you that, or something along those lines." Zack responded carefully, his head tilting to one side as he studied the cadet closely.

"But I'm fine." The blonde replied uncertainly, his expression looking slightly confused as he continued to lean into the soldier's touch against his face.

"That's just it, you are." Zack noted softly, his thumb slowly moving to gently caress the smooth cheek beneath it as he spoke again. "It's good to see, honestly it is, but I didn't expect it to happen so quickly." He admitted sheepishly, the truth being a little awkward to say even though he knew it was for the best. "I mean you've just discovered that Sephiroth might have been there to observe you, because of stuff I may or may not have said, and that instead of introducing yourself politely you gave him a decent right hook."

"Actually," Cloud whispered, his lips forming a shy smile as he looked away nervously. "He said that it was impressive."

"Really?" The soldier asked, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly as he tried not to chuckle at the cadet's response. "What else did he say?"

"That I need to add a little bit more force with my body when connecting the punch, something about it tending to cause more damage that way." The blonde recalled thoughtfully, the suggestion within the memory distracting him even more from the earlier fears about the incident.

"He's right, it does." Zack confirmed brightly, his violet eyes now glowing joyfully and the smile on his face breaking into a grin. "We could work on that in your next training session if you like?"

"I would, if that's ok?" Cloud asked cheerfully, the sadness and doubts from before now gone and replaced with something much happier and more confident.

"No problem at all." The soldier replied with pleasure, the delight of seeing Cloud looking relaxed and no longer so upset making his heart flutter happily.

With the ups and downs of their conversation having balanced off on a positive note Zack decided it was time to change the subject, his thoughts quickly taking him back to the cadet's earlier comment about strained muscles. One look at the blonde was enough to let him know that the relaxed pose being held was not as comfortable as it could be, the remaining tension along his slender frame clearly the result of the punishment and not their current discussion. It was also at this point that the soldier saw Cloud's delicate hands once again resting on the table, the abused limbs looking sore from the day's hard work and the small wounds appearing angry and a little inflamed.

Had the cadet been a soldier or at least have had a few mako shots in him then Zack would not have been concerned, but as neither case applied to the blonde he found the sight to be more than a little worrying. Knowing full well what Cloud had been dealing with all day concerns for the cadet's health quickly popped into the soldier's head, the risk of the open cuts becoming infected making his heart twist painfully within his chest.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Zack began, as he rose and made his way to the kitchen to get the first aid kit. "But I don't like the look of those cuts on your hands."

"Why? What's wrong with them?" Cloud replied, his own expression becoming concerned as he looked down at the damaged limbs.

"They look irritated and sore." The soldier answered him, the box he had fetched now being placed carefully on the table and the clasps snapping open as he spoke. "I want to put some antiseptic ointment on them, just to be on the safe side."

"Alright, if you think that's best." The cadet agreed, the quick acceptance of the situation catching Zack off guard.

"You know I was sure you were going to fight me over this." He informed the blonde, as he carefully began to apply the cool solution over the tender skin. "That you would argue and say that my fussing wasn't necessary."

"I ... I think I'm starting to like it ... when you fuss over me." Cloud admitted with a soft trembling voice, his face warming with a pink hue as he shyly looked away.

The words were like music to the soldier's ears, the hesitantly spoken confession causing his heart to start beating a little faster and feel as if it had wings to fly. It was therefore no surprise that he couldn't help the joyful smile which suddenly formed on his handsome features, or the bright light which began to shine within his violet orbs. For a moment Zack was unable to speak as he felt the happiness flow through him, his eyes becoming damp as an emotional lump formed in his throat making the feelings he wanted to express a little harder to say. Slowly he raised a hand up to guide the cadet's face back round to look at him, his breath catching slightly as hesitant sapphire gems flickered up to meet his sparkling amethyst spheres.

"That's good to know." The soldier finally managed, his own voice now shaking a little as he spoke.

For a moment nothing happened and Zack felt his insides clench tightly in uncertainty but then gradually Cloud began to smile, the slight curve of his lips steadily growing in confidence as they looked into each other's eyes. And suddenly it was as if the very sun was shining down upon the soldier's head, the wondrous sight not only making his heart feel like it had taken flight but was now soaring somewhere amongst the heavens.


	38. Chapter 38: Innocence

**Hi**

**Once again I must thank you all for being so patient with me and my poor excuses for the delayed updates. I now have car troubles, work issues and more muck up's with the exam dates (yes they ****** up again) to add to my normal routine and as a result it has been really hard to focus on this chapter. **

**Just so you know the story carries on from where we left off and the boys have a bit more of a heart to heart, except this time it's Zack's turn to open up a bit more as I felt it was time that Cloud started to learn a few things as well.**

**As always I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think :o)**

* * *

**Innocence**

Cloud's own words now echoed softly within his head as he sat in the bedroom and waited, the confession mixing with Zack's request to take care of him a bit more and reminding him why he had accepted the offer so happily. The cadet knew that he had meant every word of the admission, the truth being something he wanted the soldier to know however embarrassing it might have been to say out loud. He couldn't deny that it hadn't been comforting to see Zack happy at hearing the revelation, nor had it been a surprise that the soldier would want to do more than just apply a healing ointment once permission had been given. Yet the blonde couldn't understand why it now felt as if it might become something else, why the innocent offer to help take away some of the pain was making his heart race within his chest and the steady breaths he tried to maintain feel like they weren't enough.

Cloud knew that Zack's intentions were honourable when he had suggested the massage, that it was only the need to make him feel better which had shown within the soldier's eyes and nothing more. Yet the cadet's heart was now beating as if he had been running all day as he thought about those hands upon his body, the large muscle deep in his chest pounding out a rhythm which was just too fast and too loud to go unnoticed by mako enhanced ears. Once again the blonde willed himself to be calm as he adjusted his position on the edge of the bed, his fingers already playing with the hem of his t-shirt as a repeated mantra that everything was ok fell silently from his lips. But really Cloud wasn't ok, his body in fact already a ball of nerves as he tried to calm his frantic breathing and not acknowledge the steadily growing problem between his legs.

Zack had waited for the cadet to make his way into the bedroom before moving again himself, the realisation of what the blonde had just agreed to not really hitting him until he had put the first aid kit away. It was at this point the solder actually smacked himself in the face with an open hand, his calloused palm scrapping against his nose as it slid down to settle over his lips. Wide violet eyes now looked across the room and focused on the slightly open bedroom doorway, as not so innocent images of the cadet lying on the bed semi-naked waiting for him made Zack's next breath catch in his throat and his body start to react.

Inside the bedroom Cloud had not yet moved, his limbs now trembling slightly and unable to follow any basic commands he placed upon them. Already the blonde was telling himself that he needed to get into the position the soldier had suggested, that he had to be lying down with his top off by the time Zack came in or it might look as if was going back on what he'd said. But however much he tried the cadet's body refused to cooperate, his head telling him it was nothing more than a form of treatment for an injury while his heart was whispering out that it could be so much more. And this was what had Cloud so lost and confused, why feelings of excitement and anticipation flowed through him as well as ones of nervous dread.

Snapping back to reality and realising what was happening, the soldier cursed softly and shifted his weight to relieve some of the growing pressure in his trousers. Inside his head a stern voice was reminding him that the intention was to make Cloud feel better, to work out some of the knots which had formed in the blonde's body as a result of the punishment he'd endured. But the problem was Zack hadn't thought past that point when he'd suggested it, had not considered that an all over body message was a lot more personal and intimate than the one he'd done before on just the cadet's leg. With this thought came others which questioned what Cloud might now be thinking, that perhaps the cadet was only agreeing to an innocent experience and completely unaware of how it could lead to something more physical between them. And for a minute the soldier could only stand and stare at where he needed to go, the uncertainty of what the blonde was expecting holding him firmly in place.

Questions now rushed through Cloud's head like a whirlwind, the what's, if's and buts' becoming a raging storm in his mind as he tried to work out what he would do for each possible situation. But somewhere amongst it all there were thoughts which left him more than breathless, the realisation that if the soldier did suggest something more intimate that he might just agree to it. To this self-discovery the cadet could only blush in response as a hot flush worked its way over his pale skin, the swelling in his lap giving him a reason to consider that maybe he did want Zack to try something. After all it wasn't like they hadn't kissed before or seen each other almost naked, the memories of which made Cloud's face grow even warmer as he thought about them. But now it was different than all of those times, the awareness of this giving the cadet a reason to feel unsure and wonder if he was ready to go further. And then thoughts of the soldier's past relationships came to mind like a cloud blocking out the sun, questions concerning just how much more Zack knew about these things making the blonde feel even more uncomfortable regarding his own inexperience. A slight movement outside the door drew Cloud's attention away from his thoughts, the cadet slowly looking up as he heard the sound of someone approaching and his heart began to race once more.

There had been training missions and near death experiences which had been less nerve-wracking than this moment, the soldier's thoughts taunting him even as he stood outside the partially open door. Once again Zack reminded himself that it was just an innocent massage, that Cloud would be expecting a friendly face to greet him in a minute and not to have an uncomfortably aroused soldier walk through the door. Drawing in a slow steadying breath Zack focused on calming his respirations, his heart slowing just enough to not give him away as he began to move forward and into the bedroom.

Almost instantly their eyes met across the small distance between them and both saw what the other was thinking, the unspoken understanding making each blink in surprise and then look away in embarrassment.

"Are you feeling it too?" Zack asked uncertainly, one strong hand now scratching at the back of his head nervously.

"Yes." Cloud whispered in response, his head turning back slightly but still remaining bowed low.

"I promise not to do anything you're uncomfortable with, but if you really don't want to do this then we don't have to." The soldier offered gently, knowing it was the right thing to do even as he silently hoped that the blonde wouldn't accept it.

"It's ok." The cadet replied softly, his sky blue eyes glowing brightly as they cautiously peered up through blonde bangs. "It's just ... I mean ... could I ... maybe ..."

"You want keep your top on?" Zack finished for him, the relief in Cloud's expression showing him it had been the right question.

"Yes." The blonde breathed, his heart actually fluttering as he saw the warmth and understanding in the soldier's expression.

"It's not a problem and how about I start with your legs?" Zack suggested, his larger frame already sinking to the floor at Cloud's feet. "It will be just like last time and we can work up to the rest when you're more comfortable."

"Ok." The cadet agreed softly, his eyes still a little wide as they took in the sight of the soldier now kneeling before him like a man bowed in prayer.

"Try to relax." Zack advised gently, his violet spheres looking up to connect with nervous sky blue orbs. "If you don't like it tell me and I'll stop, I promise. After all the whole point is to help you unwind, not make you feel tenser, right?"

The words had been more of a statement of fact than a question, the light-hearted tone trying to cover up for the soldier's own uncertainty about what he was about to do. Cloud hadn't missed any of this, his senses easily picking up on how Zack was now responding to the hesitant vibes which he knew were radiating off him in waves. The problem was that the soldier didn't understand why he was feeling this way, that it was not anxiety or fear which caused his heart to race faster but the excitement of what else might happen.

"I'm sorry." The cadet whispered, his sapphire eyes darting away as he drew in a deep steadying breath and let it out again slowly. "I ... it's not what you're thinking. The reason why I ... why I seem nervous, it's not ... not what you're thinking."

"Oh?" Was the inquisitive yet uncertain reply, which followed the broken confession. "And what am I thinking?"

"That I'm scared about you ... doing this, or that I might freak out or something." The blonde stammered, his hand slowly reaching out to cup Zack's cheek affectionately. "I'm nervous because I ... I have all these thoughts and feelings and ... and it's ... it's confusing."

"Then try explaining it to me." The soldier began, his face leaning into the touch just as Cloud had done to him only a short time ago. "Tell me what you're feeling inside."

"It's not that easy." The cadet replied before chuckling softly, the sound being almost light-hearted and full of self-conscious embarrassment. "I wouldn't know where to being."

"Close your eyes." Zack order gently, one hand rising to delicately run finger tips down over Cloud's face and carefully force his eyelids to slide closed. "Now take in a deep breath and try to imagine all your questions and concerns as the air inside of you."

The soldier smiled as delicate eyelashes remained down and sky blue spheres stayed hidden, the cadet in front of him nodding silently just before he took the slow lungful of air. Here Zack waited for a moment and gave Cloud time to gather his thoughts, a brief pause in his instructions giving the cadet a chance to focus on the things which were hard to explain so they could become a little clearer to see.

"Got it?" He asked faintly, his hand now mirroring Cloud's so that they each held the other's face tenderly.

With his soft lips pressed together to hold the breath in the blonde couldn't reply with words, but the brief nod he gave against the soldier's calloused palm was enough to show that he was ready for the next part.

"Ok, now when you breathe out I want you to focus on pushing all those things out as well." Zack explained, his voice both comforting and insistent at the same time. "Then when you don't feel like there's any air left in your body, and you can't possible get any more out, I want you to say the first thing which comes to your mind."

And suddenly the soldier found that he had no breath of his own, the sight of the cadet's brow furrowing as he began to slowly exhale and do as he had been instructed . He could see the faint strain on the blonde's delicate features as all those thoughts were forced out, his heart suddenly finding a place in his throat as Cloud's body swayed slightly as he truly emptied his lungs of air.

"Cloud." Zack gasped, as his quickly moved to catch the cadet's shoulders and support him.

"Who was your first?" The blonde wheezed, the words vanishing as he drew in a desperate gulping breath to replace what had been lost.

The question was not one the soldier had been expecting, his mind prepared for words of uncertainty, requests for reassurances, or even an offer for things which he wasn't sure Cloud was really ready to do. But at no point had he considered the cadet to ask about something as personal as his past experiences, the various responses he had half planned now completely useless to him. There was no time to prevent the revealing emotions which flashed through his eyes before he had a chance to recover from the shock, the cadet's expression becoming pained and fearful as he felt the soldier begin to pull away from him.

"I'm sorry." Cloud choked, his hands reaching out and grabbing Zack's top to stop him from moving back any further. "I shouldn't have asked, it doesn't matter, forget I said anything."

"No it's ... it's ok." The soldier murmured faintly, his sun-kissed skin managing to look a little paler than it had done a few moments ago. "I told you to do it, so I should ... accept what you ... asked."

"But not if it upsets you." The cadet replied quickly, his blue eyes wide and filled with guilt for causing Zack to feel this pain.

For a moment the soldier tried to deny it and shook his head silently as if to say it was alright, his raven haired spikes bouncing softly in front of his face and creating a curtain between them. But Cloud had seen the troubled expression on Zack's handsome features before they became hidden, an anguished look that he had never seen before, and lavender eyes which now appeared stained in a way which spoke of hurt and memories best left in the past.

If what he'd seen hadn't been enough to make the cadet's heart ache then the sigh which escaped the soldier's body was, the soft sound filled with so much emotion that Cloud was lost as he tried to work out what he should do to make things better. For the first time since he had known Zack there was a look of regret in those wondrous violet orbs, the soldier himself now looking so exposed and vulnerable as if an old wound had just been ripped open. But that was the problem and the cadet instantly saw it, out of all the questions he could have asked that had been the one to cut like a sword into Zack's heart and make it bleed.

"I'm sorry." Cloud repeated, his voice barely a whisper as he clung to the soldier's shirt as if he were hanging on for dear life. "Please don't hate me."

It was perhaps these words which snapped Zack from his deep thoughts, his amethyst spheres flicking up to see the shimmering blue which silently pleaded with him to be forgiven.

"I don't hate you for asking Spiky." The soldier replied, his voice a little thicker as he tried to speak past the rising lump in his throat. "It's just something I wasn't expecting, that's all."

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to." Cloud offered almost instantly, his heart feeling crushed at Zack's saddened expression.

"It's ok." The soldier reassured faintly, his head turning away once more and his eyes now focused on something the blonde couldn't see. "You deserve to know the truth, I mean you're starting to tell me about your past so it's only fair."

"I ... I guess." The cadet mumbled softly, his voice revealing his uncertainty about what was happening.

"Could I ... I mean it would help if I was doing something while we talked." Zack explained, as he reached out and gently took hold of Cloud's left leg, his hands waiting for the cadet to agree before he began to massage the calf muscle. "It gives me something else to focus on." He explained, as his thumbs began to rub small circles over the skin they were touching.

"Ok." Cloud breathed, the sight of those softly glowing violet eyes finally brightening again and making everything seem a little better.

"It was while I was a third and stationed at a base near Kalm." Zack began, his skilled fingers instantly kneading the muscle as soon as the first words had passed his lips. "We were there as part of a training program for second class soldiers, as part of their assessments for promotion to 1st's, sort of like a trial run of their leadership skills but only with a smaller unit."

"You were part of the team?" The cadet asked softly, unsure if he was allowed to actually ask questions at this moment in time.

"Yea, I was one of six guys in the Beta team." The soldier replied with a soft chuckle, the slight curve of his lips increasing a little more as if warmed by the memory. "There were two teams, the Alpha's and the Beta's, with six 3rd class soldiers in both teams and a 2nd leading each of them."

"Original names." Cloud mumbled before he could stop himself, a small snort from Zack letting him know that his slip had not been taken with offence.

"Yea well it's better than some of the names people come up with." The soldier pointed out, his voice lighter and more relaxed even though he had yet to look up at the cadet again.

"I'm sorry for interrupting, please continue." The blonde offered by way of an apology, his eyes never leaving the top of Zack's head as the soldier continued to knead the muscle in his hands.

"It was supposed to be a short stint, you know two weeks there, three at the most, and then back again." Zack began, his attention now switching to the other leg and repeating the same actions. "But things didn't quite work out and so we ended up being there for closer to two months."

"Why?" Cloud asked curiously, the reason perhaps not being important but still something he wanted to know.

"I guess you could round the whole thing up to bad luck in a way." The soldier answered offhandedly, the slight tightness of his voice not matching the casual way he had tried to say it. "To start with the base wasn't ready for us when we arrived, which made it hard to settle in straight away, then some freak weather conditions hindered our assignments. We still had to do them because it was part of the training but it didn't help when some of the guys got sick, that really crushed the morale of both teams."

"I think bad luck's an understatement." The cadet grumbled, his hand now taking up a position above Zack's head so that he could run his fingers through the mass of dark hair. "Why didn't they just pull out and try again another time."

"Couldn't." The soldier replied simply, a happier sigh following the word at the blonde's comforting touch. "The way it was set up the team leaders had to meet specific targets before we could head back, whatever the conditions. The sergeant in charge there stated that no one could return to Midgar unless it was a matter of life and death or war broke out."

"And Angeal was ok with this?" Cloud asked in disbelief, his tone clearly revealing the annoyance he felt towards the idea.

"No." Zack all but choked, as this time he laughed and released his hold on the cadet's leg. "I think he lasted about a month before he came out to join us, or me I should say. It's funny because I used to complain about him always watching over me but ..." Here the soldier's words paused and something happier seemed to form within him, an unspoken calm easing through his body as he drew a breath to continue speaking. "I swear Spiky I'd never been so happy to see that man in my life before, even if he did cause no end of grief by fussing over me once he was there."

"He was worried about you." The blonde suggested, the words coming out as more of a question than a statement.

"Yea, he was." Zack agreed softly, as he began to rise to his feet and moved to sit behind Cloud on the bed.

It was almost instinctive that the cadet suddenly went to take his top off, the soldier's hands quickly reaching round to capture his and hold them in place as they gripped the hem of his t-shirt.

"No, not ... not now." Zack whispered against his ear, the warm breath holding a silent tenderness that begged to be understood. "I can't do this if ... if I'm thinking about ..."

"It's ok." Cloud soothed, his fingers loosening on the fabric they held and twisting to become entwined with the soldiers. "Just know that if you need to I ... I don't mind."

"Thank you." Zack breathed, the tension in his embrace easing slightly as he took a moment to silently hold the cadet against him.

Cloud wasn't sure exactly how much he could ask about what had happened, but he knew he had to say something, his mind instantly flicking to the one subject which he knew would be a good and safe place to start them talking again.

"Did Angeal sort the problems out?"

His suspicions were proven to be correct when he heard the soldier let out a deep breath and relax a little more, the strong arms which held him giving a quick hug before they moved away and skilled hands began working on the knots in his shoulders.

"He came in and got everything worked out." Zack confirmed, his voice sounding more matter-of-factly about it than anything else. "Got the sick guys seen too properly, organised what still needed doing, and then helped the 2nds rebuild everyone's spirits again."

"Shouldn't the Sergeant in charge have done that already?" Cloud asked hesitantly, his head remaining faced forwards even though he wished he could see the soldier's expression right now.

"Yea but the guy was more than useless. I mean he couldn't have organised a piss-up in a brewery, even if his life had depended on it." Zack spat, the humour of the comment lost to the irritation he obviously felt for the man. "He also said it was down to the 2nd's to sort us out as part of their field tests. The asshole didn't give a damn about helping when they got stuck, just wanted to see them struggle when things went to shit."

"Zack." The cadet suddenly whimpered in a soft pained protest, the soldier's grip having unconsciously tightened in response to his rising anger.

"Shit. I'm sorry Spiky I ... I didn't mean to." Zack stammered, his hands pulling away from the blonde's body as if they had just been burnt.

"It's ok." Cloud hurried to reassure him, as soon as the crushing hold loosened and he was able to look back at the soldier. "Please don't stop, I want you to carry on."

"Maybe I shouldn't." Zack mumbled, as he shifted uncomfortably and looked away from the cadet's concerned gaze.

"Please." Was all the blonde had to repeat, his sky blue eyes clearly revealing how he felt and saying everything else for him.

"Alright." The soldier agreed after a minute, his hands slowly coming back up to take their place as Cloud turned round to face the front again.

For a few minutes they sat in silence as Zack continued to work out the few kinks along the cadet's arms, his hands nervously working the deltoid and bicep muscles as they deliberately avoided the area which they had just been responsible for bruising. Cloud allowed it to carry on for a little longer because he knew what the soldier was doing but soon it began to bother him, the quiet between them and the wariness in Zack's touch making him feel even tenser than before they had started.

"Talk to me." The cadet demanded gently, his tone trying to be kind but also show that he wouldn't take no for an answer. "Tell me why this is upsetting you so much, why you ... why you're afraid to touch me."

"I'm not ..." Zack began, before the blonde's stern words cut him off.

"Yes you are." Cloud growled softly, a voice within his head already cursing him for being the one to start the conversation with his question. "You're holding back and you have every right to keep things to yourself, so please don't think I'm pushing for you to tell me everything." The cadet began, his words coming out so quickly now that the soldier wouldn't have been able to interrupt even if he had wanted to. "I can see that it hurts you to talk about it, and I understand that I really do, but please ... please don't let it come between us. I'm sorry for asking about something so personal, I didn't know it would upset you like this and it doesn't matter now, I don't need to know. Just please don't ... don't pull away from me, don't touch me like I might break." Here the blonde's words faltered as he choked on a small sob, the tears on his face now evident in his voice as the words continued to pour from his lips. "I have things I'm not ready to talk about yet either so you don't have to tell me, just ... just hold me, please."

Cloud's heartfelt outburst had barely finished when powerful arms moved to wrap themselves around him, his smaller frame being instantly drawn back against Zack's chest so that he was now cocooned within the folds of the soldier's body in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry." Zack breathed against his neck, as he surround the blonde with as much of himself as he could. "I didn't realise it felt like I was pulling away, I just didn't want to risk hurt you again."

"I wouldn't have asked you to carry on if I didn't trust you." Cloud replied quietly, the tone a little chastising even as it was spoken with a soft sadness.

"You're right and I'm happy knowing that you do." The soldier sighed, his hold on the cadet relaxing a little but not letting go. "And I do want to explain this to you it's just that the memories are ... it's not something I've let myself think about for a while. Do you understand?"

"Yes." The blonde whispered, letting his head tilt to one side so he could nuzzle a strong arm affectionately. "Try just telling me what you think I need to know to answer the question. We can go over the rest another time when it feels easier." He suggested, his words escaping as a warm breath along Zack's arm and drawing a lighter, happier sigh from the raven haired teen's body.

"That sounds fair enough." The soldier agreed, as he let his chin rest on the blonde's shoulder and settled into the embrace.

Cloud didn't try to protest or change the position they were now sitting in, the way Zack's arms had enfolded him in comforting warmth more than making up for the soldier's obvious evasion of carrying on the massage. Instead he focused on listening to Zack's words as the past was explained, the sound and feel of the soldier's heart beat against his back letting him know which parts were the hardest to say.

"His name was Kyle and he was one of the 2nd's doing his assessment, my team leader just in case you hadn't already guessed that part."

"I had a feeling." Cloud confirmed gently, then went quiet again so that Zack could continue.

"He was a great person Spiky, so full of life. I mean he was kind, funny, light-hearted and so easy going on use 3rd's, but at the same time really serious about what he was doing. I think that's what pissed the sergeant in charge off so much, the fact that even though everything was going to hell he just kept smiling and trying to work through it."

"Like you do." The cadet offered warmly, his hands tightening on the soldier's arms to offer comfort in case the words were the wrong ones to use.

"Yea, I ... I guess so." Zack breathed, his tone almost bittersweet about the fact. "I think that's what attracted me to him in the first place and probably why we got along so well, why our working relationship became more than it should have been."

The way the soldier said this left no doubt in Cloud's mind that what they were now talking about was not common knowledge, that the things he was currently being told were said in confidence for his ears only. Not wanting to interrupt Zack's explanation anymore the cadet remained quiet, something within him making a small mental note to check if Angeal or Reno knew so that he wouldn't say something wrong in front of them.

"I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't think about him in that way at night, that my mind didn't sometimes wonder to the what if's when we worked together. But I kept my personal feelings in check because I understood the importance of why we were there. I promise you Spiky if anyone deserved to be a first it was him and I wasn't going to ruin that for anything." The soldier continued, his voice becoming a little wistful and dreamy as the happier memories came to the surface. "I think we became closer because we ended up spending a lot of time together trying to get things done, doing extra patrols and assignments when the others got sick, and keeping everyone going when their spirits were down. I know he felt guilty when I pulled extra shifts or duties to help him but I honestly didn't mind, it was good training for me and a good excuse to spend more time with him."

Cloud couldn't help but feel the slight twist in his stomach at the idea of Zack trying so hard to spend more time with someone else, a flash of reality making him see that the soldier had attempted to do exactly the same thing by becoming his mentor. But still there was an underlying sting that Zack had acted on his feelings with more confidence back then, compared to how he'd held back when getting to know Cloud. And suddenly the cadet had the feeling that there was something about the story which would explain Zack's hesitation of getting too close to him, a strange sense that he was about to find out more than what he had asked about.

"It was just after one of the longer shifts on out fourth week that something happened between us, just before Angeal arrived to help us out. We were on our own struggling to complete a patrol and some beasts jumped us, I managed to take two of them out but a third one got me from behind and took me down."

The small gasp which escaped the blonde's lips didn't go unnoticed by the soldier, his hold on the smaller body tightening briefly as he made soothing sounds and calmed the sudden tension in Cloud's torso.

"It's ok," he reassured gently. "I mean the injuries hurt like hell but they weren't life threatening as such. To be honest it was a stupid mistake on my part and if Kyle hadn't been there I would have been in big trouble."

"He saved you?" The cadet asked breathlessly, the answer being obvious even as he questioned it.

"Yea, my regular knight in shining armour." Zack sighed, a soft chuckle being given voice before it faded away again. "He took the last few out by himself and then hauled my arse back to the camp so he could heal me. I'm not sure how long I was out but when I woke up we were in his room and lying on his bunk together, his body supporting mine so that there wasn't any pressure on my back while I recovered."

"He stayed with you the whole time." Cloud noted tenderly, his own experience of sitting at the soldier's bedside after the shooting incident giving him an idea of how Kyle had probably felt.

"Yea, it sort of brought some things to our attention and ... well let's just say after that we ended up spending more personal time together."

"Did you ... uuummm ... that night ..." The cadet mumbled, his face growing warm as he found himself unable to ask the question he wanted to.

"Yes." The soldier confirmed with a conflicted response, his tone and body language showing that while he had no regrets it was perhaps not something he was overly proud of. "I know that four weeks isn't really long to know someone before doing something like that, especially for your first time, but it felt right and was something we both wanted."

"Did it ... hurt?" The blonde whispered, his thoughts drifting to what it might be like for their first time together in that way.

"A little." Zack admitted gently, his lips brushing against Cloud's neck and laying a light kiss upon the soft skin. "But only at first as you get used to the feeling. As long as it's done right then the pleasure outweighs the initial discomfort and you soon forget about that."

"He was careful with you, wasn't he?" The cadet guessed, his head tilting to expose a bit more of his throat in a silent invitation for the soldier to repeat what he had just done.

"Every time." Zack confirmed, just before his mouth moved down to brush along the offered expanse of pale flesh. "Not that we had time to do it often, especially when Angeal arrived." The soldier added, as he traced the blonde's collar bone with light kisses. "But when we did he was always gentle."

"What happened between you?" Cloud hesitantly asked, his heart twisting as he felt Zack stop what he was doing and lay his forehead over the area he had just been lavishing attention on.

"He died a couple of months after I got back to Midgar." The soldier replied sorrowfully, his hold on Cloud unconsciously tightening so that it was just shy of being painful. "We had kept in touch and were supposed to be meeting up for some shared leave but ... but he was killed in the line of duty before we could see each other again."

It only took the blonde a moment to understand his mistake and scolded himself for not keeping quiet, the obvious signs that something bad had happened now jumping out at him as clear as day. Not only was it foolish to think that they wouldn't still be together after feeling so strongly about each other, but Zack's constant use of the past tense when referring to Kyle should have been more than enough to give it away.

"I'm sorry." The cadet apologized, as he realised that he should have worked it out sooner.

"It's ok, you didn't know." The soldier offered, his quiet acceptance leading them into a few more minutes of silent contemplation.

For a while neither spoke as they became lost to their own thoughts, as Zack dwelled on the past and Cloud considered what would be safe to ask to break the silence between them. Eventually the blonde settled on something which tugged at his mind the most, a part of him now unable to let the idea go as it made his chest feel uncomfortably tight.

"What I did that day ... when you found me." The cadet began, his voice trembling slightly as it became a little harder to breath. "It hurt you more because of what happened with Kyle, didn't it?"

"I'm not going to lie to you, so yea, it hurt a lot." The soldier replied reluctantly, his whole body on edge as if expecting Cloud to react badly to what he was saying. "I know I never said anything before that day, because I honestly didn't want to ruin the friendship which was developing between us, but I swear I fell for you the first day I saw you and I fell hard."

"Would you have said anything if I hadn't ..." The cadet tried to ask, the shame of his actions making them hard to say out loud.

"I'm not sure." Zack answered him sincerely, a slow breath creating a pause before he continued. "I'd like to think that with time we would have grown together anyway, but seeing you like that made me feel like I was about to lose someone special all over again. It gave me the kick I needed to stop holding back, the push I needed to say what I felt to keep you with me."

"It was your voice that made me fight, the things you said which gave me a reason to live." Cloud whispered softly, the truth which he'd shared with Angeal now something he felt that the soldier should know as well.

"Then I'm glad I found you when I did Cloud, because I don't know if I could have handled losing you as well." Zack noted firmly, the tone of his voice making the cadet feel even more guilty for what he'd done.

"Zack?" The blonde nervously asked, after another minute of silence had passed between them.

"Yea." The soldier responded a little absently, his mind still working through all of the things which had been said that evening.

"I know you think I'm not ready for going that far just yet but ... but I ..."

"You what?" Zack probed hesitantly, an idea already forming about what Cloud was going to say.

"If you had ... if the massage had ..." The cadet flustered, his body temperature warming noticeably against the soldier's exposed skin. "I wouldn't have said no if ... if it had become more."

"So I could have had my wicked way with you after all?" The soldier teased lightly, his playful tone and soft laughter making Cloud's heart flutter even as he found himself dying of embarrassment.

"I didn't say that." The cadet choked, the brief protest sounding a little pathetic even to him after what he'd already said. "I just meant that ... that it was one of the things I was feeling before you came in."

Zack couldn't help but smile to himself as he heard the flustered words, nor could he hold back the soft laughter which escaped his lips as they placed a gentle kiss on Cloud's neck.

"Don't worry I know what you mean, but you're right I don't think you're ready yet." The soldier agreed, his hand gently tilting the cadet's head back so that they could look at each other. "But it's good to know that you feel that way."

Not long after that they settled down for the night, the pair no longer able to deny the sandman's pull as their bodies gave into the strains of the day. Neither felt the need to comment on the argument again, the morning's events happily being forgotten to be replaced with more important thoughts about what had been learnt because of it. But that night Cloud didn't sleep with his back against Zack's chest like he normally did, the pair in fact lying facing each other for the first time since sharing a bed, the position allowing them to hold each other tight within a warm and loving embrace.

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**Note: I chose the name Kyle by chance and when I looked it up found out it means handsome/good looking. Just incase anyone wanted to know :o)**


	39. Chapter 39: Something to think about

**I'm starting to feel like that messed up white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland who keeps running around saying there isn't enough time, because seriously there isn't and I really miss being able to just sit and write. Ok, must stop rambling and let you all read in peace :o)**

**As always, I hope you enjoy. **

* * *

**Something to think about**

The next morning found Cloud waking to an uncomfortable feeling throughout his entire body, as the remaining aches and pains from his day of cleaning all came together and were slowly revealed to him. The cadet groaned softly as he tried to sit up in bed, the muscles along his back and shoulders instantly protesting the simple stretches they were being forced to perform. The faint sounds of discomfort hadn't been loud but they had still been enough to wake Zack, his violet eyes quickly opening and looking around to see what was wrong. It only took him a few seconds to work out the problem, his expression becoming sympathetic as he settled his gaze upon the blonde.

"You ok?" He asked gently.

"Yea, I'll be fine." Cloud replied with a sigh, as he tried to ignore the stiffness which had settled in his limbs. "I just need another hot shower and then I'll be ok."

"Ok, you go first and take your time." The soldier advised happily, as he eased back onto the bed again now that he was sure the cadet was alright.

"Is that concern for me or an excuse to spend more time in bed?" Cloud joked lightly, his teasing question making Zack's heart flutter.

"Both." The soldier admitted happily, as he snuggled back beneath the covers and closed his eyes.

Zack couldn't help but grin wildly as he heard the cadet start to chuckle softly, the glorious sound filling the air around him and caressing his very soul so that it felt a deep sense of peace. He continued to lay feigning sleep as he felt the blonde rise from their bed, the sound of soft footsteps slowly fading away and letting him know when Cloud was gone from the room. With a happy and contented sigh the soldier rolled over and stretched out on the bed, his face instantly brushing up against the cadet's pillow and exposing him to a familiar and delightfully pleasing scent.

Almost immediately Zack felt a sense of calm ease through his body, the wonderful experience causing him to unconsciously reach up and grasp the blonde's pillow with both hands and pull it in closer towards him. This time when the soldier drew in a deep breath there was no mistaking the intention behind it, his face buried deep into the soft material as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to drown in the heart-warming aroma. The fragrance was like liquid gold through his veins, Cloud's very essence like a drug which both soothed his body and excited it at the same time.

Knowing that he didn't have to get up straight away Zack remained where he was for a few more minutes, the sound of Cloud's gentle laughter which still echoed in his mind now mixing with everything else and causing things low down in his body to begin to respond. Shifting slightly to relieve some of the steadily growing pressure between his legs the soldier found his arms moving to a new position on the bed, his hand indirectly reaching out and connecting with the lingering warmth on the sheets were the cadet's body had just been. Slowly Zack's fingers began to trace lightly over the space where the blonde had slept, his progress starting from where the head of blonde hair would have rested and gradually moving down, each digit gently rising and falling with every dip and curve that Cloud's glorious body had left behind.

A slight blush suddenly began to creep over the soldier's handsome features as he realised what he was doing, his fingers now deliberately following the outline of where the cadet's perky little bottom had been resting only a short time ago. A second later and Zack felt his mouth go dry as he imagined what it would be like to actually caress that part of Cloud's body in this way, the next breath he took catching in his throat as he pictured them both naked while doing it. Almost instantly the soldier felt the pleasurable heat coursing through veins rush straight to his groin, the very obvious erection he now felt pressed against the mattress making it impossible to deny just how much of an effect the blonde really had on him.

Forcing himself to take a deep calming breath Zack counted to ten before releasing it again, the action being repeated at least three more times until he had his body under control again. Inside the soldier's chest his heart was beating a fast joyful rhythm even as he tried to fight off the desires which now flowed through him, warning thoughts of Cloud returning to find him like this quickly helping to replace the rising lust with very effective mood-killing embarrassment. Groaning softly the soldier rolled over again to lie on his back, the calloused palms of his hands coming up to rub rough circles over his eyes and then his temples as he tried to focus on calming himself. With a frustrated groan of unfulfilled desire and lingering want the soldier threw the sheets back and rolled out of bed, a few quick squats thankfully helping to work off the remaining sexual energy which still flowed through his veins. A low rumble from his stomach suddenly echoed in the room and Zack smiled in both amusement and relief, his body mercifully providing him with its own distraction and reminding him that it was in fact time for breakfast.

"Now that I can do." The soldier answered the sound happily, as he began to make his way out of the bedroom.

Ten minutes later and the apartment was steadily filling with the delightful aroma of hot filtered coffee, the scent quickly being joined by that of freshly cooking pancakes as Zack worked to prepare them both a decent breakfast for the day. It wasn't unusual for the soldier to switch the CD player on while he fussed about in the kitchen, but with his attention only half focused on not burning the meal, and the other half on thoughts of the cadet, Zack didn't notice how his hips had started to sway in time to the music being played. Nor did he notice how his voice had begun to accompany the lead singer as he sang along to the lyrics of the song, the soldier's joyful mood only increasing as the rhythm flowed through him and lifted his spirits even more. Grinning happily to himself Zack was completely oblivious to how he now danced about the kitchen while he cooked, the beat which he could feel pulsing through his veins guiding his body to move as if it were in a nightclub and not his home on the ShinRa base. Had the soldier been aware of his actions though he might have felt a little embarrassed by them, especially if he had looked round and seen the cadet who now stood in stunned silence watching him from across the room.

Cloud knew that it was rude to stare at someone but right now he couldn't help it, the sight of the soldier and his little performance in the kitchen making it impossible for the cadet to think let alone move or look away. In truth there was no way to describe the vision he was witnessing other than to compare the movements to that of a stripper, the grace by which Zack moved showing off every muscle in his toned body and being something which the blonde he had never seen before. Unable to tear his eyes from the erotic scene Cloud could feel his heart beating frantically in his chest, his next breath catching in his throat when he noticed how the soldier's clothes was being reshaped as he danced. The cadet's eyes quickly became the size of dinner plates, the thin layers of material which covered Zack's well toned body were drawn tightly against the large frame and allowed everything which was technically hidden to be seen clearly.

To the surprise of both men Zack's phone suddenly started to ring, the loud and unexpected sound instantly bringing the display to an end and also snapping the blonde back to reality like a slap in the face.

"Hello." Zack spoke up happily down the phone, a deep rich laugh responding to whatever the caller had said. "Yea Angeal we're fine, both of us."

Cloud remained frozen to the spot and blinked for a minute as he slowly came back to himself, an undeniable heat flowing through his veins and drawing his attention to the rather embarrassing problem he now had. Understanding that it was a reaction to what he'd seen the cadet groaned softly before catching himself and quickly looking up, the fear of being caught in this predicament causing a blush to sweep over his entire body. Knowing that the towel which was wrapped tightly around his waist was the only thing to conceal his growing problem, and even then it was barley managing to do that, the blonde felt his body being to tremble slightly as he quickly looked about for the best escape route before he was spotted.

Realising that the bedroom was still too far away to reach undetected the blonde retreated back to the safety of the bathroom, a silent prayer of thanks going up the heavens when he got there without being seen. Cloud was fully aware that his actions were a contradiction to the words he had spoken only the night before, the confession of being ready for more intimacy between them echoing in his mind. But now was not the time for exploring those options, especially when he had classes to get to, which is why the cadet soon found himself standing under the shower once more. A few minutes later and Cloud made his way back into the living room again, his body a little colder than before but at least back under control, and Zack thankfully unaware of the whole incident as he observed the cadet emerging the bathroom for what he thought was the first time.

"Feeling any better?" The soldier asked cheerfully, as he looked up and smiled happily at the blonde.

"Yes, thank you." Cloud replied softly, his progress through the apartment coming to a halt as Zack spoke again.

"I hope you're hungry because I might have gone overboard with the food." The soldier admitted with a faint chuckle, his eyes going back down to the table so that the cadet's followed and also took in the sight of the mountain of food. "I guess it's a good thing though, seeing as how Angeal's coming over." He tried to add casually, his amethyst spheres looking up again as he spoke to see how the blonde would react to the knowledge of their unexpected guest.

"Why?" Cloud asked nervously, his shoulder's tensing slightly and letting Zack know he had been right expect such a response to the revelation.

"I'm not sure exactly." The soldier replied honestly, their eyes staying connected so that the cadet would know he was speaking the truth. "But he wanted to speak to you before classes started and I think it might have something to do with yesterday's punishment."

"Oh." The blonde breathed softly, a thoughtful expression now forming on his delicate features as he looked away.

"Look, try not to worry about it." Zack offered gently, as he moved round to stand beside the cadet. "He did say it was an idea and that he wanted to go over it with you, so that probably means you'll have a say in what happens. Also if it was something serious he would have called us to his office, not be coming round to join us for breakfast."

"I guess." Cloud agreed softly, his face coming back round to watch his own hand as it slowly reached up to lay flat over the soldier's heart.

For a moment Zack stood at a loss for words, the unexpected contact which now existed between them not being unwelcome but definitely surprising given the conversation they were having. The cadet's touch on his body was light and almost hesitant, the small palm pressed gently against the fabric of his clothes but firmly enough to feel the way his heart had now begun to beat a little bit faster. But really it was the way Cloud now held himself that made the soldier question what was happening, the feeling of peace which seemed to be emanating from the blonde being almost a contradiction to the worry they had both been feeling only moments ago.

"Cloud, are you ok?" Zack managed to ask, his breath catching in his throat as deep rich pools of blue looked up at him.

"I'm fine." The cadet breathed lightly, a soft look of happiness showing on his face as he smiled. "I was just thinking."

"About what?" The soldier probed gently, his own hands unconsciously reaching up and settling themselves on the blonde's narrow waist.

"About kissing you." Cloud confessed shyly, his cheeks flushing slightly as he fought not to look away.

"Dare I ask how your mind went from knowing that Angeal was coming round to wanting to kiss me?" Zack teased playfully, his words earning him a low groan from the cadet and a small slap against his chest from the palm which rested there.

"If you must know I was thinking more about last night." The blonde admitted timidly, his voice becoming quieter as he spoke. "About how the punishment sort of ... brought us together ... made us closer." He mumbled by way of explanation, his face now turning away and unable to remain focused on the soldier's in case his words had brought up bad memories again.

"Yea, I guess it did." Zack agreed, his relaxed tone easing Cloud's concerns so that he could look up again. "But that doesn't mean you have to hit Seph and demand a day of hell every time you want to get closer to me." He began with a chuckle, his words causing the cadet to squirm a little in embarrassment. "Next time just ask, ok?"

"It's not like I planned it that way." The blonde grumbled, his emotions now wavering between wanting to hit the soldier again and his desire for the kiss he had spoken of.

"I'm pushing my luck here aren't I?" Zack guessed, his words matching Cloud's thoughts exactly.

"Yes, you are." The cadet replied, his voice holding a hint of warning to it which actually made the soldier smile even more.

"Do I still get my kiss?" Zack asked in a low seductive tone, as he eased his face down closer to the blonde's

"Maybe." Cloud breathed heavily, the smouldering heat in his eyes letting the soldier know the answer was really a yes.

"Good." Zack whispered back, their lips brushing against one another's lightly for a fraction of a second before he made the tiny move necessary to bring them together.

The kiss itself was both soft and gentle as the soldier's mouth played against his own and the cadet was swept away by how careful Zack was being. He could easily feel the raven haired teen's unspoken desire flowing just beneath the surface, the way the larger body almost seemed to radiate a heated need as it pressed against him. Yet at no point did Zack take the kiss beyond that of a tender caress of lips, his body quickly pulling away as he fought to keep the moment between them just an innocent show of affection.

"I shouldn't." The soldier panted softly, his fingers flexing so that they caressed the blonde's hips even as he tried to let go. "Not while you're dressed like this."

"Why?" Cloud breathed, his pulse now racing as he forgot his earlier reservations and instinctively moved forward.

"Because Angeal's coming over and I really don't want him arriving to find us like this." Zack explained, his arms straightening a little to put some distance between them again and his violet eyes now silently begging the cadet to accept the decision.

"But if he wasn't then ... ?" Cloud asked hesitantly, his sky blue spheres briefly looking away as he found himself unable to finish the question.

"I'm not sure." The soldier admitted with a nervous laugh, his response making the blonde turn to face him once more. "I admit that I wasn't expecting this from you right now and can't deny that seeing you ... dressed in so little isn't making me excited, but I'm still not sure how far you're ready to take this yet."

"I'm not sure either, but I'm not afraid to try." Cloud replied softly, his whole body relaxing as if the words were a weight being lifted from his shoulders. "I know this is something we both want and that you won't hurt me, that it's my uncertainty which is holding us back."

"You shouldn't do anything you're not ready for." Zack interrupted, his voice tight as he tried not to ruin the moment. "I can wait for as long as you need to be comfortable, there's no rush to get there."

"Zack." Cloud snorted, his small expression of amusement making the soldier blink in surprise and confusion. "I'm standing in your arms wearing only a towel and just asked you to kiss me." The cadet pointed out while blushing furiously, his humorous tone making Zack smile as well. "I don't think you have to worry about me needing a lot of time."

"Ok, I concede that this is a little more ... intimate than anything else we've done so far." The soldier agreed with a cheerful sigh, his arms now drawing the blonde's body against him and into an affectionate hug. "But there's still a big difference between this and what you're implying we can do, so forgive me if I want you to have a little bit more time to be sure."

"Alright." Cloud agreed softly, as he suddenly realised that perhaps it wasn't just about him needing to take things slowly now.

"Maybe you should get dressed." Zack spoke up, after they had silently held each other for a few minutes. "Angeal's going to be here any minute and breakfast is getting cold." He added, his normal cheerful tone not quite where the cadet knew it could be.

"Ok." The blonde sighed, his body moving back and up on his toes to place a chaste kiss against the soldier's lips. "But I want to talk about this some more later tonight, maybe after dinner, if that's alright?" He said before moving away, the light he now saw shining in Zack's eyes making his heart flutter happily.

"I'd like that too." The soldier replied, his smile brightening even as he spoke. "Now get your backside moving or we'll have to explain to Angeal why your clothes are in my room and not the spare one."

"I don't understand, is there something wrong with that?" The blonde enquired nervously, his retreating figure stopping so that he stood just outside the room in question.

"Let's just say that no one knows about our sleeping arrangement and I'd really like to avoid a lecture from Angeal about it."

"Wouldn't I get spoken to as well, I mean it is both of us, right?"

"Oh trust me Spiky you'd get your own special little talk with him, but it would be a completely different one to mine."

"Zack." The cadet began, his mind suddenly focusing on something he had meant to ask the night before. "Does Angeal know about you and Kyle?"

"He knows we became close, although I never really talked to him about it." The soldier answered, a heavy sigh making the blonde feel bad for bringing the subject up. "We kept our working relationship professional, so there was never a need for someone to question us, and the time we had together once he arrived was pretty limited."

"So you never told him."

"No, not outright." Zack chuckled, the memories causing conflicting emotions to play across his face and become heard in his voice. "I think he knew there was more too it by the way we kept in touch, but he never asked me directly."

"Then how can you be sure he knew?"

"Two reasons really. The first being that when he found out we had planned on meeting up he gave me this awkward speech about the birds and the bees, which just made me want to crawl in a hole and die."

"That must have been an interesting talk." Cloud noted softly, his body now shifting restlessly in the bedroom doorway as he debated on going back to hold the soldier in a comforting embrace.

"Tell me about it." Zack sighed, as he rubbed the back of his head and allowed an embarrassed smile to appear on his face. "And believe me when I say you'll get to hear it firsthand if he catches you like that in there."

"He wouldn't?" The cadet gasped in disbelief, his sapphire eyes widening as some of the colour appeared to drain from his face.

"Don't bet your life on it." The soldier snorted, the blonde's expression making it hard not to smile a little more.

"What was the other reason?" Cloud asked hesitantly, a gut feeling instantly telling him it wasn't going to be a good answer.

"He stopped asking questions after the report came in that Kyle had been killed." Zack replied, his voice now stained with pain again.

"I'm sorry." The cadet whispered as he moved to stand beside the soldier, his arms quickly wrapping around Zack's waist and drawing their bodies closer together. "I don't mean to hurt you with my questions."

"It's ok, really it is." The soldier replied reassuringly, his arms going around the blonde's shoulders to complete the embrace. "And I get that you might want someone else to go over this stuff with so don't worry about talking to Reno. He knows more about it than Angeal does, plus he won't give you any lectures if you ask."

"I didn't plan on asking anyone, I just didn't want to say something in front of the wrong person."

"And I appreciate that." Zack thanked him gently, his voice attempting to become more light-hearted and jokey as he spoke again. "Now get dressed before I make it an order cadet."

"Yes Sir." The blonde teased back, his playful response making them both smile a little brighter.

Five minutes later and Cloud was sitting at the table fully dressed in his uniform, the meal in front of him a little cooler than he would have liked but no less delicious because of it. It was just as he was taking a sip of coffee to wash down the current mouthful that he heard a knock at the door, his attempt to rise and answer it being stopped as Zack came out of the bedroom and gestured for him to stay where he was. Knowing that there was no point in arguing the blonde shrugged and settled back in the chair, his hand already moving to add more syrup to the mountain of soft fluffy pancakes he was slowly working his way through.

"Good morning Cloud." Angeal's voice spoke up, the greeting coming just as the cadet had filled his mouth with another forkful of food.

Unable to reply with words the blonde merely smiled sheepishly and waved in response, his cheeks burning slightly as both the soldier and commander began to chuckle at the situation.

"It's good to see you looking so well." Angel noted cheerfully, as he took a seat across from Cloud and accepted the cup of coffee which Zack handed him. "And that you have developed such a healthy appetite."

With his mouth still full the cadet remained silent and nodded in agreement, his cheeks now on fire as he struggled to chew the food and swallow it without choking. Thankfully this time the men watching him didn't laugh out loud, the violet and brown eyes focused on him glowing happily and silently communicating their enjoyment of what was happening. Rolling his own sapphire orbs in mock despair the blonde chose to ignore them both for a minute, his obvious embarrassment only making them smile that much brighter.

"So what's this idea of yours then?" Zack spoke up, his question being one which Cloud had wanted to ask as well.

"It involves drawing out your punishment a little longer, if you're up to that." The commander replied confirming the soldier's suspicions, his face now turned to focus solely on the cadet.

"How and why? I mean wasn't yesterday enough." Cloud enquired uncertainly, once he was able to talk again without it being impolite.

"It is true that yesterday's activities have more than covered for the incident, but I ask that you consider this for a different reason."

"I wouldn't have to do more cleaning would I?" The cadet asked, his body instantly protesting the idea as it reminded him of the lingering aches he was still feeling.

"No." Angeal replied gently, his chocolate brown eyes softening as he spoke again. "I'm concerned about how the other cadet's will react when you return to class, that perhaps certain individuals will not be willing to let the matter go."

"You don't seriously think they'd try something in class?" Zack gasped, his face a look of both disbelief and also apprehension.

"You know as well as I do that 'training accidents' are not always what they claim themselves to be." The commander noted evenly, his brow creasing as he turned his attention away from the soldier and back to the cadet. "I want time to observe them with you around, but at the same time make sure that they are unable to hurt you."

"How?" Cloud asked, his expression revealing the confusion he felt about the whole situation.

"I will inform the instructors that you are ... suspended from training for the rest of the week." Angeal began, his words receiving the reaction he had been expecting.

"I can take care of myself."Cloud growled softly, his sky blue orbs darkening. "You don't need to stop me from training just to see what they do."

"I am fully aware of your abilities and have no doubt that if something did happen, you would be more than capable of handling it." The commander noted evenly, his face becoming stern as he took in the blonde's defensive posture and aggressive tone. "But I want the others to have some time to cool off before you have to face them again, just as I want an opportunity to see how they act towards you without actually giving them a chance to do anything about it."

"Come on Spiky, it's not that bad." Zack pleaded from where he now stood, the worry in his amethyst spheres making Cloud's rising anger falter.

"Fine." The cadet growled after a moment, his acceptance of the idea clearly a reluctant one. "But I want you to go over everything we did in class again in the evening so that I don't miss out."

"I agree to those terms." The commander replied calmly, his expression relaxing so that a faint smile formed on his lips. "Although you should probably know that you are already ahead of your peers in their combat training and so anything we do may seem a little boring by comparison."

"That's not possible." Cloud gasped in surprise, his sapphire eyes widening as he took in the commander's serious look. "I mean I missed all of those classes so it shouldn't be possible."

"You have a natural talent which has helped you to pick up things a lot quicker than them." Angeal pointed out, his words now echoing something which Zack had said not so long ago. "Plus you have benefitted from the extra tuition that Zack and I have given you, which has made your skills far in advance of theirs."

"Really?" The blonde couldn't help but ask, his voice openly revealing his surprise to hear the commander say such things.

"Yes, really." Angeal replied with a kind smile, his eyes holding the blonde's for a moment before he began to speak again. "You have a lot of potential Cloud, never doubt that or what you are truly capable of."

"I ... I'll try not to." The cadet whispered back, his words not exactly being the ones the soldier or commander wanted to hear but close enough for them to let it slid this time.

"So how is this going to work?" Zack enquired, after a minute of silence had passed between them and the blonde had been given time to absorb what he'd been told.

"I will escort Cloud to class this morning so that the facade is continued." Angeal explained evenly, his obvious dislike for this part of the idea becoming apparent now. "Everyone will think that he is still in trouble and it will add weight to him not being allowed to join in during the afternoon sessions."

"What will I be doing instead?" Cloud asked with a sigh, his body slumping back into the chair and showing that he'd finally accepted the plan.

"You will still be attending the class but only as an observer to what is being taught. I dare say the Sergeant in charge will find something for you to do so that your time is not wasted, but that will be up to him and out of my control."

"So basically I could end up doing more cleaning." The blonde grumbled, a look of annoyance showing on his face.

"That is unlikely as you will have to remain in the room under his supervision, so if anything it will be polishing the training swords when they are not being used. But I dare say it will more than likely be completing reports which he should have done." The commander offered, his face displaying a slightly apologetic look as spoke.

"As long as it's not cleaning latrines again I can handle it." Cloud sighed, his response barely finishing before Zack cut in with his own opinion.

"Trust me Spiky you won't be saying that by the end of the day." The soldier stated miserably, his sympathetic look making the cadet frown while Angeal fought not to grin as he remember Zack's hatred for paper work.

"Come on." The commander spoke up, before the blonde could respond to the soldier's warning. "You need to finish eating and I want to fetch something from my office on the way to the lecture halls before classes start."

"Alright." Cloud agreed with a faint sigh, as he picked up his fork again and began to load it with food. "I guess it wouldn't be a good idea for me to be late today." He noted evenly, before filling his mouth with food again.

"Indeed, it would not." Angeal agreed, his warm brown eyes meeting with Zack's concerned amethyst ones and silently communicating that everything would be alright.


	40. Chapter 40: Even more to think about

**Hi**

**Sorry again for the delay but my brain has been overloaded lately and I have also been using some of my free time to work on my current 4WS story.**

**Anyway, excuses aside, I hope you enjoy :o)**

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**Even more to think about**

Cloud couldn't help but sigh again as he watched the other cadets spar, his body now twitching with the desperate need to move and practice what he was being forced to observe. Remembering to keep his voice as barley a whisper the blonde grumbled a faint string of curses to all those who had been involved in this decision, the majority of the blame going squarely on himself for being the one to make an issue of it in the first place. Oh he knew that Angeal's reasons for putting this additional punishment into place had been good, that the logic behind it made sense, but that didn't help ease the irritation he felt because of it one bit.

"Are you paying attention Strife?" The Sergeant called out, his loud voice snapping Cloud from his internal musings

"Sir, yes sir." The cadet responded as was expected of him, his eyes now levelling with the more experienced fighter.

"Good because I expect to see those reports written up by tomorrow's class, understand?"

"Sir, yes Sir." The blonde repeated firmly, his head instantly dipping back down to the stack of forms in his hands.

Once again Cloud muttered several choice words as he finished the top form and moved it to the bottom of the pile, his mind groaning loudly in protest as the next one came into view. The task itself was more than boring in comparison to what he could have been doing, the repetitive nature making his head hurt and his skin itch with rising frustration. But this was what he'd been ordered to do as an extension of his punishment, the task just as tedious and mundane as Zack had warned it would be.

A faint smile began to form on the cadet's lips as his mind began to wander to other thoughts of the soldier, the excitement and anticipation of the conversation they were to have later that night already playing in his head. Questions rushed through Cloud like a tornado as he tried to decide what to say when the time came, the things which Zack might ask him and the answers he could or should give in response. In truth the blonde had been debating this same issue all day, his focus never really on what was going on around him but instead centred on just how much he was really able or willing to open up to the soldier right now.

There was no doubt in his mind about how he felt for Zack, the way his body would react when they were together and how his more passionate feelings had begun to grow stronger. But still the cadet felt a little uncomfortable with allowing these things to be seen, the vulnerability of admitting to such strong emotions still something which he was struggling to overcome. Cloud sighed wearily as he argued with himself once more, as the two halves of him waged a war over how much they wanted the soldier to know. Just as if they were two factions battling it out there was a divide right down the middle of his body, the need to stay safe defending its right to keep these things hidden while the part of him which wanted to be free fought to tell Zack everything.

"Strife!" A loud and commanding voice shouted out, the unmistakable anger in the tone making the cadet flinch as he was shocked back to reality.

"Sir, yes sir." The blonde replied, his voice a little shaky at having been caught out.

"You've got ten minutes before we pack up and those reports had better be done." The Sergeant barked, his expression hard and uncompromising.

"Sir ..." Cloud began, his gaze momentarily flicking down to the pile in his hands which he knew would never be done in time.

"Save it." The big man ordered, his hand coming up to cut the cadet off. "I'll talk to you at the end."

"Yes Sir." The blonde responded, his tired blue eyes only holding the Sergeant's firm stare for a moment before he looked away.

For a few seconds nothing happened and the room was uncomfortably quiet, the other cadet's all supposedly busy working through their cool down exercises but without a doubt really focused on what was going on. However when nothing more occurred and the man in charge turned his wrath on them the boys all began to move again, their various expressions all revealing something different about their feelings towards the blonde.

Cloud waited a minute or two before glancing up again, his attempt to get the task done seeming a little pointless now when there were simply too many forms left to do. Instead of worrying about it he used what little time there was left to study his peers, the mixed responses he was getting from them making him feel not only confused but also unsettled, the things he saw raising even more questions about what was going on. Slowly the blonde began to realise that it was not the first time he had seen this array of reactions to his presence today, the memories of his other classes suddenly adding themselves to the whirlwind of thoughts within him.

The morning had gone ahead as planned, with Angeal escorting him to the halls so that the lecturer could be instructed on the punishments continuation. Cloud had been too unsettled by the eyes boring into him to really notice the looks he'd been getting at the time, his mind suddenly beginning to reflect on the mixed expressions and see them more clearly. It was only now as he thought back over those looks and the ones he was currently getting that the blonde realised something, that the faces which had either ignored or tormented him were all dividing once again but now into new and different groups. He saw the anger in the eyes of some for what he had done to the general, the unspoken rage in others for his show of defiance by standing up to them, and the obvious irritation in a few that he was still being supported by the commander and soldier. But amongst that he also saw cadet's who seemed to show some sympathy for his plight, a tiny flicker of support during his punishment, and an unspoken understanding of why he'd snapped in the first place.

"That's enough for today." The Sergeant's voice boomed, the sound echoing briefly as a reminder of the power behind it and ripping the blonde from his thoughts. "Now all of you get your butts out of here." He ordered loudly, a wave of his hand signalling that they should head for the door without delay. "All except you Strife, I want to see that paper work."

Cloud stayed where he was and kept his head bowed low as he continued writing, the Sergeant's words not requiring a reply at this point and only announcing his imminent arrival at the cadet's side once everyone else was gone. To the blonde's pleasant surprise he was not hassled by the other cadet's as they moved around him, no accidental bumps of rough shoves were inflicted upon him while he worked, his place on the bench being strangely undisturbed as each boy collected their belongings and hurried to leave. And for a minute Cloud blinked at the paper in front of him with eyes as wide as an owl, the fact that once again that day he was being left untouched when the opportunity to inflict 'accidental injuries' had been possible.

"Cadet Strife, are you listening to me." The Sergeants voice barked above his head, the man's sudden presence beside him making the blonde jump in his seat.

"Sir." Cloud replied instinctively, his head snapping up to face the seasoned warrior in front of him.

"Damn it Strife, you've got to start paying attention." The Sergeant growled, his words ending with a tired sigh as the last cadet departed and they were left alone. "Look Cloud, you're a good kid and I've seen some pretty impressive stuff from you, but you need to focus." He began, his tone no longer that of a superior officer scolding a subordinate, but something a little bit more supportive. "Yesterdays stunt in class was not something I want to see again but ... saying that it did give a nice demonstration of what you can do."

To this Cloud could only blink in silence, that owl like behaviour once again coming into effect but this time making him look more like a deer caught in headlights than anything else.

"You don't get it do ya kid?" The large man asked, his weight shifting to one side as he rested a hand on his hip. "Look, I'm not going to say that what you did yesterday in my class didn't piss me off, on your first day back no less, and that you hit the general while doing it but ... but now ..." Here the man stopped and drew a breath, his free hand coming up to run roughly through his hair. "Shit Strife, you were good before the whole ... incident ... or whatever it was that happened, but now you're something else. I mean, you might have taken Sephiroth by surprise but you still landed one on the big guy which has to say something."

"It says I'm a fool." Cloud whispered softly, his sapphire eyes quickly lowering to the floor submissively.

"It says to me that this class isn't right for you anymore." The Sergeant replied, his tone now a mixture of mild annoyance and self-accepting confirmation of a decision.

"What?" The blonde gasped, his head flicking up and his expression one of fear and uncertainty. "But I ... I've been punished for it ... I'm being suspended for the week already and ... and ..." Cloud flustered, his throat growing tight and his chest tightening as feelings of despair began to seep through him. "Please, you ... you can't throw me out if I'm ... I'm already being disciplined." He managed, the idea that the punishments had all been for nothing slowly choking him.

"Hey there, just calm down a sec." The older man said, his hands now coming up in a gesture of peace as he took in the sight of the panicking cadet. "I never said anything about kicking you out, just that this class isn't right for you anymore."

"But I don't ... I don't understand." Cloud mumbled, his heart now racing within his chest as he tried to work it out.

"The truth is I was going to recommend you to a different training group before ... well before you took some personal time." The Sergeant explained, his choice of words making the blonde feel like being sick as they were once again used to remind him of what he'd been foolish enough to do. "You're a quick and agile fighter, with reflexes and skill to boot but ..."

"But I'm not strong." Cloud guessed, his words earning him a frustrated sigh.

"That's just it kid you are strong, but not on the same level as a soldier." The deep scolding voice told him, the words of reassurance now being spoken with an annoyed tone. "These guys have brute strength and yours is more about speed and strategy."

"So you don't think I'm good enough for soldier?" The cadet asked, the darkening of his mood easily distinguishable in the evenly spoken question.

"I'm not saying that." The Sergeant countered quickly, the storm he now saw brewing within the deep pools of blue in fact making him feel a little uncomfortable. "I just wondered if you'd maybe consider trying out as a Turk."

"But I want to be a soldier." The blonde pointed out firmly, his eyes never leaving the older man's as he spoke.

"Yea, I thought as much." The soldier sighed, his expression softening as he tried to ease the blow he knew was coming. "But maybe you're more cut out to be a Turk."

"And why would that be Sergeant?" A deep and welcomingly familiar voice cut in before Cloud could reply.

"Commander Hewley, Sir." The man responded as he snapped into a formal salute, his actions being instantly followed by the cadet beside him.

"At ease, both of you." Angeal ordered sternly, his expression blank and hard to read. "Now if it's not too much trouble would you care to explain why you would be discouraging someone, who in your own words shows great potential, from being a soldier?"

"I mean no disrespect to you or Lieutenant Fair sir, I know you've both helped the boy when I couldn't."

Cloud only just managed to keep the faint smirk of satisfaction off his lips when the commander didn't argue the comment, the Sergeant's small self-criticism not being denied as he stumbled on with his reasons.

"I just thought that his skills might be more appropriate within a different field."

"While I am not overly pleased with your technique for approaching the subject, I cannot help but feel that you may be right." Angeal replied calmly, his response causing the other soldier to blink in surprise and Cloud to openly gasp in shock.

"What?" The cadet managed, his earlier amusement at the Sergeant's humiliation now completely forgotten as he fought not to be disrespectful towards the commander. "I mean ... Sorry Sir ... I meant, could you please explain?" He managed, his teeth grinding together to keep the rest of what he wanted to say trapped inside.

"The Sergeant is quite correct Cloud, your traits do make you a good Turk candidate." Angeal began, his soft brown eyes instantly picking up how the cadet's shoulders tensed.

"May I ask how?" The blonde managed politely, the very air around him taking on a menacing feel.

"Your fighting technique is good but relies on cunning and surprise, on the fact that your opponents underestimate your abilities." The commander continued, his own mind now debating the idea a little more as well. "You are certainly fast and responsive to a demanding environment such as the obstacle course and ..."

Here Angel stopped as if uncertain to say more, his face turning to examine the Sergeant beside them before he chose to finish saying whatever was on his mind.

"Perhaps it is best if you leave us to have this conversation in private." His deep rich voice suggested, the tone implying that while it wasn't an order there really was very little choice in the matter.

"Of course Sir." The soldier replied, a quick formal salute being given before he quickly turned and walked away.

Cloud watched him go in silence and was not surprised to see the man glance back just before he passed through the door, the Sergeants eyes briefly connecting with his and actually showing an apology before he was gone.

"While I cannot say that I like the idea of you joining the Turks, his idea does have some merit." Angeal noted evenly, his lack of expression contradicting the turmoil which Cloud sensed floating within him.

"I know." The cadet sighed, his shoulder's slumping as he turned to look away. "It's something I ... I've thought about as well."

"Then why did you get so defensive just now?"

"Because it's one thing to think it yourself, but completely another to have someone else point it out to you." The blonde admitted wearily, the words seeming to drag the energy from his body as they passed over his lips.

The commander had just been about to question Cloud's comment when he realised just how much it had taken for the cadet to admit such a thing, the blonde now allowing all formality to slip away as he sunk back down onto the bench he'd previously been sitting on. Understanding what was needed Angeal allowed there to be a few minutes of silence between them as Cloud packed up his things, as he shifted the small mountain of paper work into one pile and appeared to sort it out while actually pulling himself together again. Once it appeared as if the cadet was sufficiently organised, and the time he'd needed to gather himself was over, Angeal gave a small deliberate dry cough and smiled kindly when Cloud looked up at him.

"Do you have many more forms to fill in?" He asked, his gaze going down to what even he considered to be an overly large amount.

"There's still a few but I can do them later." The blonde replied, a long deep breath helping to create a pause between his words so that they would come out more collected. "I'd rather use this time with you to train and then do the rest of the reports at home after dinner."

"It would mean more work for you later, but it is your decision." The commander agreed, his choice to let the possible argument go earning him a faint smile from the blonde. "So what did you observe in class today and do you wish to go over it again?" He asked, already knowing the answer.

"It's something Zack taught me weeks ago so you were right about ... about me being ahead." Cloud replied, the possibility of such a thing clearly still surprising him. "I wouldn't mind going over it a little just to practice, but it'd be a waste of time to spend our whole session on it."

"Then you feel confident with this manoeuvre already?"

"Yes." The cadet replied firmly, his confidence in the answer pleasing Angeal more that he was willing to let on.

"Very well." The commander accepted without questioning it. "Then you should warm up and we will spend half an hour working through that before trying something else."

"May I ask what else?" Cloud enquired, his feet shifting slightly as he hesitated to move to where he needed to be.

"Something which will help me to assess your senses." Angeal informed him happily, his own face now relaxing into a smile which seemed to draw a brighter one from the blonde. "I believe it is something we spoke about doing once before and have not yet had a chance to do."

"We did and I'd like that." The cadet agreed, a small nod of his head giving a silent word of thanks before he walked towards the mats and began his warm up.

An hour later and Angeal was smiling happily at what he'd seen, the blonde's skills and instincts more than surpassing his hopes or personal expectations. They had worked on the technique from class for the allocated time and as Cloud had said he was quite confident in it already, meaning that there really wasn't a need to go over it any longer than necessary. It had been at this stage that the commander had introduced the activity he wanted them to do, the task being more of a game in Cloud's opinion which had made Angel laugh when he said it. In truth the challenge had been designed this way to test Zack's abilities, the soldier having always been more motivated by a challenge when it was presented in a fun or amusing way.

Unfortunately the cadet hadn't been as comfortable with the idea as Zack had, his dislike for the blindfold element of the assessment clearly putting him off when they had begun. But after some time adjusting to the situation, and the commander's words of reassurance and encouragement, the blonde had slowly relaxed into it and his reactions steadily became more precise each time.

"Very good." Angeal congratulated Cloud, as once again his position within the room was located by the cadet. "You are getting quicker at this with each try."

"It would be easier if you stopped ... jumping about all the time." The blonde replied, the sword he was using as a pointer for the activity now tapping absently against his leg. " I mean, it makes it harder to work out where you are."

"I believe that is the whole point." The commander noted with a soft chuckle, the exasperated sigh he got in response making him laugh a little harder.

The sound of the door opening across the room drew Angeal's attention immediately, the faint sound barely disturbing the relative quiet of the room yet making Cloud instantly snap around and raise his sword defensively. For a moment no one spoke as both commander and general looked at each other, the cadet remaining poised on the mats between them and ready to strike should anyone approach him.

"Who's there?" Cloud's cool voice demanded to know, his question being mainly directed at Angeal but open for anyone to answer.

"Merely a friend." Sephiroth replied calmly, his smooth tone sounding oddly light and casual given the circumstances. "May I approach?" He added as an afterthought, the words earning him a questioning look from the commander.

"Why?" The blonde asked firmly, his stance adjusting perfectly so that they remained facing each other as the general took a few more steps into the room.

It was impossible for Cloud not to know who he was now speaking with, the two having only meet properly once before but with one holding a reputation that allowed the other no doubt as to their identity. Yet still the cadet held his stance against Sephiroth and let the question hang waiting for an answer, the slight tremble in his small frame not being missed by mako enhanced eyes which watched him intently. And for a moment the two seasoned warriors simply looked at him and then each other, Cloud's unexpected behaviour to the situation making the commander stare in silent disbelief while the general became even more intrigued with the blonde.

"I would like a moment to speak with Angeal, if that is acceptable to you?" Sephiroth teased softly, his eyes now glowing with amusement. "Or am I required to challenge you for some of his time?"

"We both know that I wouldn't stand a chance against you." Cloud noted evenly, his grip on the sword handle tightening a little as he spoke.

"Perhaps," The general replied, his lips curving ever so slightly to form in what Angeal's stunned mind could only be interpret as a faint smile. "But it would certainly be an interesting experience for me, after our last encounter."

"Sephiroth." The commander quickly spoke up, the slight flinch he'd seen in the blonde's body making him feel the need to change the subject immediately. "Was there something important you needed to see me about?"

"Actually there is." Sephiroth replied, his attention lingering on the cadet for a moment more before coming round to face him. "It appears there is a small problem in Junon which I would like to go over with you."

Angeal didn't bother to hide the sigh which formed within him, the fact that his assistance was required meant that the situation was probably more than just a small problem.

"Allow me one last attempt at this with Cloud and then we can deal with it." He half requested, half told the general, the look he gave clearly saying that this one was for his benefit as a demonstration of the cadet's abilities.

"Very well, if you must." Sephiroth agreed, an intrigued glint in his eyes accepting the commander's offer for him to be the one to test the blonde.

"Are you ready Cloud?" Angeal asked, the slight shift he saw in the cadet's posture showing that the blonde was already adapting to the new element of another presence within the room.

"Yes Sir." Cloud answered, the formality bothering the commander but not being something he was going to bring up right now.

They gave him a moment to ground himself again, a few precious seconds to centre his body and adjust his instincts to account for the sensation of two people near him. And then the general moved from his place, the leaps and changes of position being confusing to watch let alone feel even for the commander. Yet to Angeal's surprise Cloud seemed to be following it all, the barest twitches showing that he was focusing hard to keep up with each lingering step until the general stopped moving altogether.

Once again the room remained deathly silent as both men stared in pleasure at the blonde, his sword held out confidently and pointed straight at where Sephiroth had chosen to rest. Neither spoke as they shared a look of equal amusement and contemplation, the questions which both knew they wanted to ask being inappropriate right now in front of the cadet himself.

"Well done ... Cloud." Sephiroth praised the blonde, his faint smile increasing a little as he heard the cadet gasp softly at having his name spoken. "Your natural instincts are indeed quite ... impressive."

"Thank you, Sir." The blonde replied nervously, his voice shaking a little as he realised that the general had once again used the word impressive when referring to him.

"Perhaps we could play this game another time when things are not so ... busy." Sephiroth suggested, his offer surprising Cloud enough that he now ripped the blindfold off his head and blinked large questioning blue eyes at the great man.

"You'd ... you'd do that ... again?" The cadet stammered, his expression one of conflicting hope and uncertainty.

"If you can follow my movement's then anything less would not be a good test for your developing skills." The general noted blandly, the comment being so matter of fact that Cloud couldn't tell if he was being praised again or merely spoke to.

"Angeal is ... I mean commander Hewley is a wonderful teacher and Zack ... and Lieutenant Fair has been an amazing mentor ... is an amazing mentor." The blonde replied, his slips of name, rank and tense all in one go making him bit his tongue in self-chastising anger.

"And you must be a noteworthy student for them to spend so much time working with you." Sephiroth replied, a slight hint of amusement in his tone making Cloud finally look him in the eye.

From across the room Angeal watched in stunned silence as the cadet and general stared at each other, as both seemed to weigh up the man before him and assess their strengths and weaknesses through sight alone. It was not something he had seen before and now understood why Sephiroth found Cloud to be intriguing, the blonde indeed able to meet the great man's face without apparent fear or hesitation.

"Commander Hewley, Sir." The cadet spoke up uncertainly, the sound of his voice in the eerily quiet room breaking up the strange tension which had begun to form.

"Yes Cloud." The commander replied, once again choosing to ignore the formality and mentally logging it for another time.

"May I be excused now, please?" The blonde asked, his request not really being necessary considering Sephiroth had already come to end the session

"Of course. I will see you tomorrow." Angeal replied calmly, the cadet barley waiting for permission to be granted before he moved off the mats and began to collect his things.

"An interesting young man." Sephiroth noted as Cloud left, the blonde's departure allowing them both to speak more freely.

"You have no idea." The commander replied, his hand already reaching for the phone in his pocket to call Zack and warn the soldier about all the paper work that Cloud would be bringing home with him that night.


	41. Chapter 41: Where you belong

_Sorry this update took so long to post. Annoyingly it has been mostly written for several days now, but I just couldn't get a scene in the middle to describe Cloud's emotions the way I wanted it to. Truthfully I'm still not sure it expresses his conflicting feelings properly, and for that I can only apologise, but I honeslty can't edit it any more. Hopefully you will be able to forgive me and I'll try to make it up to you in the next chapter._

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**Where you belong**

Cloud didn't hang around after he'd been dismissed, his feet thankfully carrying him towards home on some form of autopilot while his mind continued to race over what had just happened. Truthfully he hadn't expected the session with Angeal to turn out the way it had, the level of his awareness being a surprise not only to the commander but also to himself if he was honest. The cadet knew that he was good at being able to sense things in a way which others couldn't, that somehow he was more in tune with his surroundings than most people, but had never imagined he'd be good enough to track such a high ranking soldier or even stand a chance with the general. And that was the thought which troubled Cloud the most as he walked, the idea that not only had he met Sephiroth again but also blown it by being disrespectful towards the man for a second time.

"So stupid." Cloud grumbled to himself, as he remembered the way he'd spoken and the attitude he had presented. "So fucking stupid." He repeated, the words becoming a silent mantra as he hurried towards the safety of home.

XXXXXXXXXX

Before he knew it the cadet was sliding his key card through the lock of their apartment, the faint beep which signalled he could enter barley being heard before he pushed the door open and stepped inside.

"Hey Spiky, you're home early." Zack cheerfully called out from the living room, his relaxed tone betraying nothing of the warning he'd already been given.

Cloud couldn't stop the small smile on his face from growing brighter at the sound of the soldier's voice, his heart skipping a beat as he hurried to undo the fastenings on his boots and kick them off without dropping anything. Once again the cadet's mind was rushing over the things they were going to talk about, his concerns about what had happened with Angeal and Sephiroth being quickly pushed aside by the happier thoughts. It was with a feeling of warmth and joy that the blonde hurried down the small corridor towards Zack, his insides fluttering with excitement as a head of spiky raven coloured hair came into view. And then suddenly everything stopped and the sun which had been shining was covered by a cloud, the smile on his face slipping away the instant he saw that the soldier was not alone. Sitting across from Zack was another man, the familiar person still a stranger to the cadet but looking very much at home as he lay stretched out on the two-seater sofa in the room.

"You remember Kunsel from yesterday, right?" Zack asked, his face displaying a big grin as he turned to look at Cloud properly.

"Yea, sure." The cadet replied guardedly, his defences slowly going up as he took everything in.

There in front of him were both soldiers and the evidence of their afternoon off together, the pair now reclining comfortably on the soft chairs without a care in the world, while a small array of empty beer cans and pizza delivery boxes sat on the coffee table in front of them. Neither seemed intoxicated in any way and from an outsiders perspective it appeared as if they had simply spent the time chatting and catching up, yet even with this knowledge Cloud still couldn't help but feel a sense of betrayal in what he was seeing. This was supposed to have been a night for Zack and him to talk, for them to go over the things which were important, and it was something that had taken him all day to prepare for. However, it was now clear that the soldier had found something else to occupy his time, the things which had plagued Cloud's thoughts all day obviously not bothering Zack at all. And suddenly all of the concerns which the cadet had been having about opening up came rushing to the surface, his need to stay safe winning the internal war, as everything he'd felt ready to say was quickly sealed away deep within him once more.

"Hello Cloud, it's good to see you again" Kunsel greeted him, the man's voice drawing the cadet's attention to him instantly.

"Sir." The blonde replied faintly, his choice for a formal reply causing both soldiers to frown.

"Knock it off Spiky," Zack scolded gently, his violet orbs levelling with Cloud's serious blue spheres as he spoke. "Kunsel's a friend and neither of you are on duty, so drop the sir stuff."

It was only now as their eyes connected that the soldier saw the shielded look appearing on the cadet's face, the emotions which had been there only moments ago now slowly disappearing as Cloud began to withdraw into himself again. Instantly Zack regretted the tone of voice he'd used and the words he chosen to say, a silent curse running through his head as he realised how it might have sounded.

"He's got the same views about rank and stuff as I do, so calling him sir isn't necessary right now." The soldier quickly added, his expression softening under the blonde's hardening glare so that the cadet would see that he hadn't meant to be so harsh.

"It's true." The other soldier contributed carefully, as he began to feel the tension which had formed around them. "I hate being called Sir by friends, especially when they're off duty."

"Friends?" Cloud questioned, his caged look flickering in uncertainty as Zack's lavender spheres quietly begged him to listen and accept what was being said.

"Sure, why not?" Kunsel asked, his expression both open and honest as the blonde continued to look at him doubtfully. "I mean, if you want to that is." He added hesitantly, his eyes briefly darting to the raven haired soldier before nervously coming back again.

"But you don't even know me." The cadet pointed out, his suspicious tone making both men start to sit up a little straighter.

"True, but all friends start off as strangers in the beginning." He replied calmly, his eyes never leaving the deep pools of blue which seemed to be studying him. "And we got along pretty well the other day." He added as an afterthought, hoping that the reminder of their time together might get Cloud to relax around him.

"You offered to help me." The cadet murmured, his face turning away as his expression became thoughtful. "You said I could come to you if I needed anything."

"That's right." The soldier agreed happily, as the blonde began to loosen up a little. "We talked and started to get to know each other, like friends do."

For a minute no one spoke as Zack and Kunsel silently watched Cloud thinking it through, the cadet clearly struggling with more than just the things which had been said, as he shifted restlessly on the spot and continued to look away from them.

"Spiky?" The raven haired soldier finally spoke up, his voice tainted with worry. "Are you ok?"

"Yea, I ... it's just been a ... weird day." Cloud sighed, his shoulders slumping forward as the tension finally began to drain from his body. "And I guess ... I guess I'm just tired." He explained, his face coming back round to meet theirs and offer a faint reassuring smile.

"We got you a pizza, if you're hungry." Zack offered, as he now rose from the chair and hurried to take the pile of papers from the cadet's hands. "It's in the oven keeping warm."

"You did?" The blonde couldn't help but ask, his baby blue spheres blinking in surprise at the soldier's words.

"Of course I did silly." Zack chuckled softly, while dumping the reports on the small dining room table. "But I'm afraid Kunsel and I sort of worked up an appetite today training so we've already eaten." He continued with an apologetic tone, his free hand now ruffling the top of Cloud's head affectionately as he walked past him towards the kitchen.

"Zack I ..." The blonde began, the words faltering due to a small lump rising in his throat as he realised that he hadn't been forgotten after all.

A casual questioning hum was heard coming from the soldier as he began to serve the meal up on a plate, the small sound being an unspoken encouragement for Cloud to continue with what he was going to say. But the cadet wasn't sure exactly what he'd wanted to say anymore, the possibilities now endless as he realised that once again he'd over reacted to the situation and jumped to a foolish conclusion.

"I'm sorry." The cadet managed, before the well of emotions blocked his attempt at speech again.

"For what?" Zack enquired, the slight waver in the blonde's voice making him look round from what he was doing.

There was another moment of silence within the apartment as rich warm amethyst met deep stormy sapphire, both sets of gems now shining brightly in the evening light but for very different reasons. For Cloud it was due to the tears which had arisen from his conflicting feelings, the emotional strains of the day making everything suddenly seem so much more than it really was. And for this the cadet scolded himself and quickly blinked the unshed dampness away, a deep steadying breath making it easier to give the soft smile which he really wanted the soldier to see. But Zack had already caught the flicker of sadness and regret in the blonde's sky blue eyes, the glistening orbs like a rainy day as they briefly filled with moisture which threatened to fall. He had just been about to say something when Cloud's expression had changed again, the sun peeking out from behind the clouds and the faintest of smiles forming on his delicate lips.

"Are you sure you're ok?" The soldier asked, his concern for the cadet so evident in his voice that Kunsel was momentarily stunned as he watched the pair.

"I ..." Cloud began, his gaze breaking away from Zack's as he felt a slight awkwardness in what he'd been about to say.

"I'm just tired." The cadet repeated with a soft sigh, the answer he decided to give clearly not being the one he really wanted to.

"You know I could go if you guys need to talk." Kunsel offered from where he sat, his sudden inclusion in the conversation drawing their combined attention back to him immediately.

"No it's ... it's ok." The cadet stammered quickly, his hands also coming up in a nervous gesture to stop the soldier from attempting to leave. "You've been away a long time and probably have a lot to catch up on." He added softly, the reality of the situation finally getting through to him and confirming the earlier feelings of foolishness. "Besides I need to get the rest of the forms done before tomorrow's class and it would be nice if you kept Zack out of my way while I did it." He informed the older teen, his comment earning him both a snort of amusement from Kunsel and a playful protesting whine from Zack.

"Hey, that's not fair." The raven haired soldier complained, his voice barely holding back the amusement in his words. "I'm not that bad." He pouted, the curve of his lips straining not to rise anymore than it already was.

"Yes you are." Cloud challenged hesitantly, his blue eyes sparkling a little more as he noticed the other soldier trying not to openly laugh. "You always steal my pens when you don't want me working, or hide my textbooks when you think I've done enough."

"I do not steal them." Zack huffed, his own violet spheres now glowing happily at the playful banter developing between them. "I simply remove the danger before you injure yourself, pens are very dangerous things you know." He stated proudly, the response causing Kunsel to snort again as the cadet's jaw dropped open in shock.

"What?!" Cloud choked, his baby blues widening in disbelief.

"And what harm, pray tell, will come to him from plastic tubes filled with ink?" The other soldier enquired with a chuckle, the smile on his face now growing as he fought to stay serious as well.

"Well there's so many to choose from." Zack replied casually as he led the blonde over to the table, one hand holding the plate of food and the other taking gentle hold of Cloud's arm as they moved. "For a start he could get blisters from writing too much." The raven haired soldier proposed, as he carefully manoeuvred the stunned and spluttering cadet into a chair and ruffled his hair for the second time.

"Yea, real dangerous." Kunsel agreed sarcastically, the soldier now watching with interest as Zack's casual touches on Cloud's body lingered and briefly showed themselves as more than just a friendly reassuring gesture of comfort.

"Plus he might damage this pretty little head of his, with all that unnecessary thinking." The soldier teased unaware of how he was being watched, his words earning him a small but delightfully cute scowl from the cadet.

"At least I've got something in my head to damage." Cloud grumbled in response, his comeback being hesitantly spoken but still confident enough for them to both hear it clearly.

"Oh Spiky, you wound me." The raven haired soldier countered, a devilish grin spreading across his handsome face as a hand went to his chest in mock hurt and he flung himself backwards onto the nearest sofa.

To this the blonde only rolled his eyes before turning his back on the pair, his choice to ignore the soft chuckles being more to do with hiding the faint blush which now covered his cheeks rather than eat the food he had been given.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Before they knew it several hours had passed by, the time silently disappearing into the night as Zack and Kunsel not only talked about the things which had happened in the previous few months but reflected on memories from their past in general. For most of it Cloud had remained at the dining room table and simply listened in on occasion, the conversation between the older teens seeming open to him at times and yet somehow private at others. Strangely though the blonde didn't mind as he let the words drift around him, his body's hunger now happily sated after finishing dinner and his mind too distracted with completing the reports to worry about anything else.

It was only when the dull ache which had been building in the back of his head became a small throbbing pain that Cloud finally took a break from what he was doing. His shoulder's instantly protesting the movement as he slowly sat up straight and lent back in his chair, the muscles down his spine now a little stiff after having been hunched over most of the day filling in pointless forms. Taking a deep relaxing breath the cadet slowly worked through a series of small stretching exercises to work out the kinks, a slight frown forming on his delicate features as a few choice words ran through his mind about the new punishment being worse than the cleaning. A second later and the expression changed to become a soft amused smile as he recalled Zack's comments about unnecessary paper work, the upward curve of his lips only increasing as he now realised how appropriate those words of warning had actually been. It was also at this point that Cloud took the opportunity to glance up at the clock across the room and gasped softly when he noticed the time, the faint sound which escaped his lips instantly drawing Zack's attention to him.

"Hey, you ok?" The soldier called over, his whole body twisting round on the sofa so he could look at the blonde while they spoke.

"Yea, I'm good." Cloud replied with a tired smile, his fingers relinquishing their hold on the pen and paper so that he could rub his face with both hands. "I just saw the time and realised why I feel so drained." He explained wearily, the small nod of his head in the direction of the clock making the other two look up as well.

"Maybe I should get going?" Kunsel offered for the second time that night, as he lent forward and placed his drink on the coffee table. "It's getting late after all."

"No, it's ok." Cloud sighed softly, as he noticed the slight look of disappointment on Zack's face. "I'm sure you guys have more to catch up on that you don't want me hearing about anyway." He offered, the small appreciative smile he got from the raven haired soldier making his heart warm.

"I wouldn't keep anything from you Spiky, you know that." Zack replied casually, the offhand tone of his voice not matching the heartfelt look which shone on his eyes for only the cadet to see.

"I know." The blonde reassured with a warm smile, before he stood and slowly made his way towards the bathroom.

It wasn't until he'd washed and changed into his night clothes that Cloud realised the one big problem with his plan, the fact that he couldn't actually go to bed or at least not to the one he'd intended to sleep in. It was with this depressing thought that his mind suddenly began to replay all of the things he'd been thinking about during the day, the memories of his hopes and fears about their planned time together now making the blonde's chest feel tight and his eyes become damp with the promise of tears. Then, without even meaning to, the cadet found himself becoming annoyed by Kunsel's presence in their home, the soldier not only unintentionally ruining what should have been a special evening but also now preventing him from sleeping in Zack's bed, no in their bed where he belonged. And even though deep down inside Cloud knew it wasn't fair to be angry at Kunsel, that as Zack's friend he had every right to see the soldier as well, he still couldn't stop the feelings of hurt and frustration from growing as he fought to keep it all locked away within him.

But sometimes there are things which you just can't fight no matter how hard you try, feelings which are so strong and intense that you have no control over them as they begin to consume you. And just like the violent winds of a thunderstorm Cloud's thoughts became a raging tempest within his head, the conflicting emotions crashing forcefully against his heart like waves upon the shore until he couldn't take anymore. His next breath coming out in a soft choked sob as the warm beads of moisture broke free of their confines, the crystal like drops of water quickly running down over soft pale cheeks, as they let the world see the evidence of what was being held trapped within.

Too tired to fight what was now flowing through him the cadet surrendered himself to the overwhelming sensations, the blonde allowing a few minutes to pass uninterrupted as he let it all out and tried not to get washed away completely. Then, with a self-imposed berating that would make any drill sergeant proud Cloud began to pull himself together, his body drawing in several slow shaky breaths as he focused on getting his emotions back under control again. Quickly he wiped at his face to clear away any evidence of the tears which had fallen, a splash of cold water against his flushed skin instantly helping to sober his thoughts a little more. And with one last look in the mirror to check nothing would give him away Cloud turned and made his way towards the door, his intention being to get through the apartment as quickly as possible and into the spare bedroom without being seen by the soldiers.

To the cadet's credit he almost made it as well, his progress being swift and silent as he kept his head bowed low so as to avoid any chance of eye contact with either man. It was just unfortunate that he wasn't quick enough to escape the wondrous sensation of Zack's deep joyful laughter echoing around him, the rich warm sound making his heart flutter and causing him to hesitate unnecessarily outside the spare bedroom door.

"Goodnight." The cadet found himself whispering softly to their backs, his voice remaining low so as not to interrupt what might have been a private conversation.

"Oh hey, you're ready for bed then." The soldier noted, as he instantly twisted round upon hearing the blonde's lightly spoken words.

"Yes" Cloud replied faintly, the response not really being necessary considering how he was currently dressed and as a result leaving a strange void of silence in its wake.

"Oh, ok." Zack mumbled after several painfully long seconds, a hand absentmindedly scratching at the back of his head in either embarrassment or uncertainty of what to say or do next. "Night then." The soldier offered, his expression showing there to be a slight conflict of emotions within him now.

"Night." The cadet repeated, his progress faltering as Kunsel suddenly spoke up.

"Goodnight Cloud, it was nice meeting you again." The other soldier added, just as the blonde opened the door and began to step inside.

"Goodnight Kunsel." The cadet replied warmly, his smile being genuine but now a little faded as he disappeared from sight and left them alone.

Within the bedroom Cloud let out a deep heart-felt sigh as he briefly looked around himself, his feet now moving at a snail's pace as he reluctantly made his way towards the cold and uninviting bed in the corner of the room. Already he could feel his heart beginning to ache for the warmth of Zack's room, the organ beating almost desperately for the comfort of the soldier's bed and the feel of strong arms embracing him while he slept. But the blonde knew that tonight he would be unable to have that luxury, the calming joy it brought now revealing itself as a happiness which he'd come to take for granted in their relationship. It was therefore a strange sort of blessing that the day had been draining on both a physical and emotional level, the various strains finally catching up with the exhausted cadet and swiftly pulling him down into the realms of a deep and dreamless sleep.

Outside in the living room Zack continued to talk with Kunsel for a little while longer, his insides growing steadily more guilt ridden as he began to realise why Cloud's eyes had looked so hurt before he went to bed. He knew that the cadet had only gone into that room to maintain the charade of mentor and pupil, that the blonde was only doing it to protect his reputation while really his place was in the other room and in their bed.

"Zack, what's up with you?" Kunsel asked, the voice he used holding a note of concern.

"Huh?" The raven haired soldier asked, his violet orbs coming back round from the spare bedroom door where they had strayed to again.

"I swear you're like a lost puppy." The soldier noted, with an amused but also sympathetic expression as he spoke again. "Does he really mean that much to you?"

"What? I ... I ..." Zack choked, his amethyst eyes widening a little in surprise at the bluntness of the question. "What do you mean?"

"Oh come on." Kunsel managed, with a small snort of pleasure at seeing his friend squirm a little. "I've heard the rumours and I've seen enough tonight to know that at least some of them are true. The way you kept looking at him earlier and now with him gone ... I swear it's like you pinning over his absence or something."

"Thanks for all the pet references, I really appreciate that." Zack grumbled, his disgruntled mood disappearing with his next breath. "Look, you're right we are more than mentor and pupil, but it's still new so don't go thinking I'm corrupting him or anything."

"I wouldn't dream of it." The other soldier noted with a smirk, his eyes practically glowing as he took in the raven haired soldier's embarrassed state.

"I swear the only reason you're still breathing is because we're friends." Zack growled, his tone being light and friendly even as he pretended for it to be otherwise. "I just don't want you getting the wrong idea."

"I know you too well to think that of you." Kunsel pointed out, his voice holding a slight chastising note which made the raven haired soldier give an apologetic shrug." "But I still think there's something going on or it wouldn't bother you so much that he's in that room."

"What? Why? How?" Zack babbled, his expression one of mild shock. "Am I that obvious?" He asked after a moment, the glee in the other soldier's expression making his humiliation even more unbearable.

"Let's just say I've know you long enough to be able to read you, which isn't hard considering you wear your heart on your sleeve, and right now all I'm getting are vibes which say something's bothering you."

"Ok, you're right." Zack cut in, before the soldier could carry on. "We ... we've been sharing a bed, ok?"

"You've what?" Kunsel gasped, his voice thankfully remaining low as he leant forward in his chair and stared the raven haired soldier down. "But you just said ..."

"We haven't done anything." Zack repeated firmly, his expression hardening a little to reinforce the statement. "But we sleep, and I mean sleep, together at night."

"Gaia Zack, when did that happen? I mean does Angeal know? No of course not, that's a stupid thing to ask, but what about Reno? Does he know?"

"You're the only one, alright?" Zack hissed, his eyes glancing nervously at the closed bedroom door as he gestured for the soldier to calm down. "It's not exactly something we advertise."

"Yea, I get that." Kunsel agreed, a hand now running through his hair as he looked away contemplatively. "So he's ... not where he should be right now?" The soldier guessed, the meaning behind the unspoken words making Zack smile warmly and his cheeks blush a light shade of pink.

"No, he's not."

"Then he's only in there because I'm here and he didn't want to embarrass you or cause problems."

"Yea, that about covers it." Zack confirmed, his expression showing a mixture of emotions as he looked back round at the door again.

"Well I'll be damned, you really love him don't you?" Kunsel asked, the words being more of a statement than a question.

"Spiky ... Cloud means everything to me and I know he feels the same way." The raven haired soldier replied, his lavender eyes levelling with the other soldier's as he spoke. "He's saved my life and defended my honour more times than I care to remember, and right now he's putting himself in a place that he doesn't really want to be in to protect my reputation again."

"Well then move him." Kunsel replied with a small laugh, the answer being an easy one to see. "Put him where he should be so that he knows he belongs there no matter what. Don't let him have a reason to doubt his worth to you by constantly putting your needs above his own."

"I never expect him to." Zack argued firmly, before he realised that hadn't been the soldier's point. "You mean allowing him to continue his own self-sacrifice, don't you?"

"Bingo." Kunsel responded, his smile softer now. "I get the feeling he'd give up anything for you Zack and in a way that's actually a little scary, especially considering I know what kind of stuff you get yourself into."

"Thanks." The raven haired soldier grumbled, his violet orbs rolling in mock exasperation. "You really know how to make a guy feel good about himself."

"Save it Fair." Kunsel laughed as he rose to his feet, the conversation now winding down and leading to a place which they both knew would bring it to an end. "We both know what you get yourself into and I just want you to think about Cloud the next time a crazy idea comes into that head of yours, ok?"

"Yea, I got it." Zack sighed, as they both began to make their way towards the front door.

"I'm serious Zack." Kunsel noted a little more seriously, as he stood in the open doorway to leave. "He's a good kid and I'd hate to see either of you get hurt."

"I'll be carefully, I promise." The raven haired soldier reassured him, his tired body now leaning against the door frame for support.

"Damn straight you will Fair." The other soldier replied with a light chuckle. "Now go and get your butt to bed and make sure his is with you, where it belongs."

"Got it." Zack replied with a gentle and appreciative smile on his handsome face. "And thanks."

"No worries." Kunsel answered warmly, his expression softening for a moment as their eyes connected and a silent understanding passed between them. "See you Friday for poker." He called back, as he turned and began to walk away. "And don't forget to tell Reno he still owes me for last time."

"Will do." The raven haired soldier confirmed, the joyous grin on his face now reaching from ear to ear.

Back inside the apartment Zack wasted no time in tidying up and getting ready for bed, his last stop being the spare bedroom where he carefully lifted the slumbering cadet into his arms and carried him to their bed.

"This is where you belong." He told the peacefully sleeping form, the smaller body instinctively curling up and pressing in against his as he settled them amongst the sheets.

The soldier couldn't tell if Cloud had really heard him, the lack of verbal response and his soft even breaths showing that the cadet was indeed in a deep sleep. But Zack didn't fail to notice the faint curve of Cloud's lips as he placed a light kiss on the blonde's cheek, the cadet's body letting out a small contented sigh of happiness as he let the soldier know without words that somehow he understood completely.


	42. Chapter 42: In the morning

**Just so you know, the delay in posting was because I got caught up with a chapter for the current 4WS story I'm working on. It's getting hard to split my spare time between the two but I will do my best to keep going. Enjoy :o)**

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**In the morning**

Zack groaned as he heard the ever faithful alarm clock announce the need for them to get up, his hand blindly reaching back to shut it off as quickly as possible. For a few seconds his fingers danced over the flat surface of the bedside cabinet in search of the traitorous device, the tips brushing against familiar cool plastic for the briefest of moments before he slapped a calloused palm down over it completely. Unfortunately mako enhanced strength should really be controlled, the simplest of actions having greater force and therefore needing more focus and attention when being used. But this was not the case right now as the soldier's eyes remained closed, his mind and normally restrained instincts still clouded by a soft warm fog which refused to budge. As a result the loud crack which echoed in the room was not a good sign, nor was the pitiful cry the alarm clock gave as it died by his hand, the vague realisation of what he'd just done making the soldier screw his face up in mild annoyance.

"Damn it." Zack grumbled sleepily, his arm coming back round to his chest as he curled up again. "Stupid alarm clock." He yawned, as his hand casually began to search the bed for the warm body which he knew should be there.

It only took a moment for his fingers to connect with a new surface, the warm soft skin they touched making his heart flutter and a little rush of happiness flow through him. The soldier smiled and knew that if Cloud was awake he'd probably see a goofy grin being aimed his way, the half conscious thoughts which stumbled through his brain making Zack chuckle softly as he tried to pull the cadet's sleeping form closer towards him. Except the body within his arms refused to move under his gentle manipulation, the smaller frame in fact becoming tense under his hold and if anything pulling away from him more.

Zack's eyes were open in a second, the violet orbs blinking rapidly to clear away the remaining sleep which now escaped him like air leaving a balloon. Instantly his blurry vision was filled with the sight of pale ivory flesh, of golden hair spread out over the soft pillow, and deep dark pools of blue as Cloud stared back at him.

"Spiky?" The soldier asked uncertainly, the guarded look on the cadet's face causing him to worry. "What's wrong?"

"You moved me." Cloud noted evenly, his expression and voice so neutral it made it impossible to guess what he was really thinking or feeling.

"Yes." Zack replied hesitantly, his heart slowly picking up its pace as a result of the eerie calm which seemed to be emanating from the blonde.

"Why?" The cadet asked softly, his head tilting forward so that their eyes were no longer connected.

Not only did the question catch the soldier by surprise as he struggled to find the right answer, but also the flicker of emotion he'd briefly seen in Cloud's sapphire orbs as it was spoken. There had been a look of joy in those beautifully glowing gems, a moment of happiness which shone brighter than the sun, but also fear and uncertainty as if everything he held dear could be taken away from him at any second. And Zack felt his heart miss a beat as it absorbed the hurt that gaze had caused, the organ within his chest taking over control of his body and mind as it fought to make everything alright again.

"Because this is where you belong." The soldier stated firmly, his hand now moving to gently cup the blonde's face and lift it up to look at him again.

This time it was Cloud who didn't know what to say as the words drifted around them, his baby blue spheres glossing over with the beginning of tears as the tiniest of smiles began to form on his lips. Inside his heart was racing at what had been said, the muscle beating happily at the comfort such simple words could bring while at the same time making him feel foolish once more.

"Never doubt that Cloud, never." Zack continued, his expression now one of unconditional love and the need to be believed.

"I'm sorry." The cadet whispered, his eyelids closing as they tried to clear the building dampness away. "I ... I had a really weird day yesterday and then ... and then going to bed in the ... in the ..." The blonde tried to explain, his voice cracking slightly at the memory of where he'd gone to sleep.

"In the wrong room." The soldier finished for him, the comment earning him a slightly brighter smile.

"Yea, the wrong room." Cloud whispered in agreement, a single tear breaking free and rolling down over his soft cheek.

Had Zack not already seen the emotions which swam within the cadet's eyes he would have been afraid of that single drop of moisture, the crystal like bead normally representing pain or sorrow. But because he'd been looking into those deep pools of blue before they closed he'd seen it all, the joy and happiness which Cloud was feeling being clear to see as well as the unexpected relief the words had brought.

This time the soldier was fully awake when his fingers delicately explored the surface they were now connected to, the tips caressing the soft cheek with a feather light touch as they wiped the tear away.

"Cloud." He began, his voice becoming soft and unsure. "Why do I feel like ... like I should be apologising for something."

"I ... I don't know." The blonde replied, the slight waver as he spoke betraying his words.

"Yea, I think you do." Zack corrected, his voice still faint but now with a hint of gentle chiding to it. "It doesn't take a genius to see that this situation, you and me in bed together, is a surprise and a relief to you." He sighed, the tone he used becoming almost a plea as he spoke again. "And I need to know why so I don't do it again, so that I don't give you a reason to doubt where you belong ever again."

"It's noth..." Cloud began, his eyelids snapping open in shock as rough finger tips suddenly pressed down over his lips and silenced the words.

"Don't." The soldier warned almost desperately, his violet eyes begging the cadet to not shut him out. "Tell me the truth, like we agreed." He ordered tenderly, the look in his amethyst orbs softening so they took on the deepest puppy pout the blonde had ever seen.

For a minute neither of them spoke as Zack gave Cloud time to answer, the cadet letting out a slow breath and closing his sky blue spheres once more as he tried to gather his thoughts. In truth there was just too much that the blonde wanted to say, his mind racing over which words would be safe to use and what confessions he wanted the soldier to actually hear right now. But deep within his chest he could feel his heart beating fiercely, the strong muscle pounding out a rhythm which demanded that he at least speak the truth which Zack had asked for.

"We ... we were ... supposed to talk ... last night." Cloud began hesitantly as the soldier's fingers moved away to let him talk, his voice becoming a little strained with the uncertainty of how the explanation might sound. "I was expecting us to ... I didn't think that ... but it's ok, because you have friends and I ..." The cadet began to stammer, the reasons now rushing through his head so fast that he was barely finishing one before speaking the next.

"Oh Gaia Cloud, I'm so sorry." Zack suddenly cut in, the shocked and pained tone as he spoke silencing the blonde instantly. "I swear it was the only thing on my mind all morning but then ..." Here the soldier's words trailed off, as he realised how they sounded.

"It's alright." Cloud sighed, his head turning away slightly even though his eyes were still closed. "Kunsel's your friend and I ... I wanted you to ... and you were happy talking, so it doesn't matter." The cadet murmured, his broken reassurances not helping the soldier to feel any better at all.

"You're right, Kunsel is my friend." Zack began, as he applied a little bit of firm but gentle pressure to the blonde's jaw so that his face would look up again. "But you are more than that and I should have remembered. I had all day with him and the evening was meant to be about us and I'm sorry I forgot."

"It's alright." Cloud breathed for a second time, his sky blue orbs opening to show that he meant what he'd said. "I could have said something, or at least let Kunsel go when he offered to leave, so in a way it's my fault as well."

"Why didn't you?" The soldier asked, his lavender spheres connecting with the shimmering gems in front of him and holding their gaze.

"Because you looked happy and I didn't want to take that away from you." Was the barely whispered reply, the look which accompanied it saying more than words ever could.

Within the cadet's eyes there was a silent request to know that his choice was understood, a need to know that he hadn't made a mistake, that his decision to not force the issue of their planned conversation had been the right one. But what really stole Zack's breath was the unspoken fear which was lurking deep within those watery pools of blue, the blonde's silent and almost desperate plea for forgiveness if he'd been wrong.

"I would have been happy either way Spiky." The soldier replied gently, his voice both comforting but also scolding at the same time. "You don't have to think about my happiness all the time, it's alright to think about yours as well."

"I don't ... I've never ..." Cloud began, his face screwing up as if the words were becoming a bad taste in his mouth. "It's never been about me." The cadet managed to stammer, the explanation almost choking him. "I do what I'm told or what others want because it ... it makes life easier, so that the ... the pain is ... is less." He breathed almost desolately, his eyes closing tightly as if they were trying to shut out the troubling images which now haunted his thoughts.

"Cloud, it's ok to be happy for you." Zack hurried to say, as a strong ache began to build deep with his chest. "I don't want this relationship to always be about me and I'm not going to be comfortable if I'm always wondering whether you're doing something because you want to, or if it's because I suggested we do it." The soldier stated firmly, his words causing the blonde to swallow hard and draw a small stuttering breath. "What makes you happy Cloud?" He asked tenderly, the question barely being spoken before it received an answer.

"You make me happy." The cadet blurted out, his appearance no longer hurt but now anxious as if afraid to both say and not say the words which escaped him. "Seeing you smile makes me feel good inside and hearing you laugh makes me ... makes me feel safe and warm." Cloud rushed to explain, his face becoming flushed as he spoke. "I want you to be happy because it makes me happy too." He finished breathlessly, the rosy tint to his cheeks burning brightly against the pale sheets.

"I feel the same way about you." Zack whispered tenderly, the words clearly being unexpected as the blonde's eyes flew open and he blinked in surprise. "When you smile it's like ... like I'm standing in a ray of sunshine." The soldier continued, his voice a gentle caress against Cloud's nervous heart. "And when you laugh I swear I can hear angels singing." He admitted, the heart-felt confession causing his own cheeks to develop a soft pink blush.

"Really?" The cadet gasped softly, the bright light which suddenly filled his sapphire eyes making them shine with a radiance which had no comparison.

"Yes." Zack replied firmly, his tone once again being a tenderly spoke chastisement of the blonde's doubts. "So while I appreciate what you did to give me an evening with my friend, please promise me you won't do it again."

"What, why?" Cloud choked, his baby blue's widening in surprise.

"Because last night should have been about us and I'm an idiot for forgetting that." The soldier pointed out, his words hesitating for a second before he reluctantly finished what he'd intended to say. "And you're an idiot for letting me, or for even thinking I would choose someone else over you."

If possible the cadet's eyes became even bigger in that second, the stunned azure disks growing to the size of dinner plates and causing Zack's heart to clench tight with instant regret of what he'd just said.

"Cloud I ..." He began, the apology dying in his suddenly dry mouth.

"No, it's ok." The blonde cut in quickly before the soldier could speak again. "You're right ... I think." He managed before his own voice started to become caught in his throat. "I ... I've always done what other people wanted, so it wouldn't cause problems." Cloud explained, his expression softening as he saw the confused and slightly fearful look on Zack's face. "I'm not used to being ... to being able to ..."

"To what?" The soldier found himself asking, as the cadet's voice faltered and his angelic features once again became hunted by things which only he could see.

"To being allowed to do what I want." The blonde finished, his whole body seeming to collapse in on itself as the explanation escaped him. "I know I chose to join the army and that sometimes I ... I go off alone." Cloud started to clarify, his justification for the statement pausing briefly as he took a deep steadying breath. "But when I'm around other people I've learnt that it's ... better ... to do what they want."

"But why?" Zack asked, his mind racing over the implications of the strained admission. "And why would you think that Kunsel and I wouldn't allow it, that we'd be like everyone else, that I'd be like everyone else?" The soldier demanded to know, his heart being crushed in a vice like grip as the words sunk in.

"You're both high ranking soldiers Zack." The cadet pointed out, the reason he gave seeming obvious yet clearly not being an acceptable one. "I'm just a cadet and have no say in what you choose to do." He continued uncertainly, the reaction he got being an unexpected one.

"When we're off duty, and especially here in the apartment, there is no rank." The soldier argued sternly, his handsome features darkening to show his dislike for how the blonde still viewed himself. "I've told you that over a hundred times already and I wish to Gaia you would accept it."

"It's hard to let go of something that's been drilled into me twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, since I got here." Cloud countered coolly, his own expression hardening defensively under Zack's stern gaze.

"When you're in class, training or on missions then yea, rank matters." The soldier growled softly, a faint wisp of green floating within his amethyst orbs. "But you're my boyfriend now and in our home we're equals and I won't have you thinking anything less, do you understand?" Zack all but ordered, his firm demands being meet by both silence and owl like eyes that once again blinked in shock.

"Cloud." He probed gentle, his voice instantly softening and becoming concerned as he took in the cadet's stunned appearance.

"You said ... you said ... boyfriend." The blonde mumbled, his icy expression quickly melting to become one of pure joy and happiness.

"Yea." The soldier replied softly as he watched Cloud's cheeks become the colour of rose petals, his own face now feeling a little warm as he realised they hadn't actually used that word in their relationship yet.

"You said boyfriend." The cadet repeated faintly, the delight this one word seemed to bring now vey evident in the blonde's flushed pleasure filled features.

"That's right, I did." Zack confirmed gently, his fingers suddenly remembering where they were still placed and once again stroking the soft skin beneath them in a reassuring caress.

"I wasn't ... I wasn't sure." Cloud breathed, the blue of his eyes now a sea of emotions. "I mean I ... I know what you said, that you lo.. that you care about me." The cadet stammered, his sapphire orbs looking in every direction except the soldier's.

"I care about you because I love you Cloud." Zack interrupted, the affectionate tone he used drawing those watery oceans to him immediately. "I love you." He repeated firmly, his own amethyst spheres now holding the ones which shimmered in front of him so that the declaration would not be doubted.

"I ... I ..." The cadet croaked as a lump rose in his throat and cut off what he was trying to say, the gathering tears breaking free to trial down over his coral toned cheeks.

"This is why last night was important to you, isn't it?" The soldier asked, his head and heart already knowing the answer and once more cursing him softly for forgetting. "Because there are things you wanted ... no, things you needed to talk about."

Still a little choked on his own emotions the blonde could only nod in silent agreement to what had been said, his insides still bubbling with joy at the words which had been spoken. He was loved, he Cloud strife the good for nothing runt from Nibelheim was loved, he the sorry excuse for a cadet and pathetic no hope soldier wannabe was loved. The thought alone quickly became both frightening but also wonderfully scary, like one of those fast rides at an amusement park which make you sick to your stomach yet have you crying out with joy. The idea that someone could actually care about him that deeply and even speak the words was a terrifying pleasure, the thrill it left coursing through his veins as the blonde felt himself being rushed along the winding track. And as Cloud felt the adrenaline surge grow within him he knew there was only one way to show Zack how he felt, his body now experiencing the sensations which always came with the slow climb just before the big fall began.

"Cloud." The soldier called softly with concern, as he noticed how the blonde's breaths had started to catch and his heart rate had increased slightly. "Are you alright?" Zack asked gently, as yet again his fingers moved to erase the silvery tracks left behind drawing the cadet slowly back from wherever his deep thoughts had taken him.

"Yes." Cloud managed after a moment, his distant gaze coming back into focus but now holding a different kind of look within it.

And suddenly the feelings of reassuring comfort they had been sharing changed into something else, the warm glow in the blonde's eyes having become darker and more heated as if his thoughts were suddenly running along a different path entirely.

"What are you thinking about Spiky?" Zack asked carefully, his own voice now a little unsteady and deeper than before.

"About being here with you, like this." The cadet replied softly, his body gradually leaning in towards the soldier's so that their noses were almost touching. "Where I belong." He whispered gently, the same reassurances from earlier now escaping his mouth as a hot breath which ghosted over Zack's skin causing goose-bumps of excitement to rise.

"Cloud I ..." The soldier began before he was cut off, the feel of soft lips pressing down upon his own not only stealing the words he'd been about to say but also his next breath as well.

For a moment Zack was left stunned by the unexpected display of affection, the cadet's open and unreserved actions honestly catching him a little by surprise. But then the moment passed and his brain caught up with his body, the soldier's tongue quickly moving to join in the experience as it teased against the seam of Cloud's mouth in the hopes of deepening the kiss.

It was no surprise that the blonde's lips parted willingly under the silently spoken request, a soft heated moan escaping from the smaller frame only to be devoured by the larger one pressing up against it. Suddenly they were kissing each other passionately, their mouths joining in a way which conveyed all of the emotions being felt yet without a single word needing to be said between them. Their arms moved in almost synchronised timing to embrace the other firmly, one set of strong limbs sliding around a narrow waist to draw it closer while another more delicate set eagerly wound themselves up over broad muscular shoulders. In a matter of heart beats they were holding each other so tightly it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began, their bodies pressing up so closely together that not even air could exist between them. And for a brief moment there was only them and their desire, the love each man felt for the other washing over both, as they fought the need to breath in favour of making the pleasurable experience last longer.

But oxygen is a precious thing to the human body, a vital part of everyday living which cannot be denied or willingly refused, and as the cadet and soldier's hearts continued to race their lungs began to cry out desperately for it. As a result Cloud was the first to break away from the kiss and draw in gasping breaths of air, his face flushed with a lust-filled glow as his sky blue eyes continued to blaze with heated arousal and desire.

"I love you." The blonde panted, as he struggled to say the things which were consuming him from within. "Don't ever leave me, please." He whispered pleadingly, the uneven breaths which escaped him making the words even more powerful as they bore their way into Zack's heart.

"I'll never leave you Cloud, never." The soldier reassured, his arms moving to embrace the cadet and pull him in as securely against his own body as physically possible.

And for a few minutes they simply lay there holding each other as if the rest of the world didn't exist, both happily drawing comfort from the each other in that moment and silently wanting it to last forever.

It was only after a short time had passed that Zack found himself reminded of their need to get up, his body reluctantly pulling away from the cadet so that he could twist around and look at the clock behind him. His small snort and then soft chuckle instantly drew a questioning look from Cloud, the sight of the recently deceased gadget on the beside cabinet being mildly entertaining, if not a little annoying as well, and something the cadet couldn't actually see from where he was lying.

"Guess I need to get a new one of those today." The soldier sighed, his comment encouraging the blonde to raise himself up on one elbow to look past him and see the broken timepiece as well.

"Wow," Cloud gasped softly, the amusement of the situation very evident in his voice. "You really taught it a lesson." He added teasingly, a small giggle escaping his delicate lips before he could stop it.

"Don't blame me, they should make those things soldier proof or something." Zack moaned, as he gave the blonde an affectionate playful squeeze.

"Or maybe they should just make them Zack proof." Cloud joked, his whole body now glowing with pleasure and feeling very much at home within the soldier's arms.

It was at this point that Zack realised the cadet was at his most relaxed, the heightened emotions they had both felt only moment ago now calmer and more tender in nature. He knew that the passionate kiss had become a release for the pent up feelings which both of them had wanted to let out, but also understood that there were still things which needed to be discussed before taking their physical relationship any further. It was with these thoughts that he gently eased the blonde back away from him so that their eyes could meet once more, his desire no longer one of intimacy but to start making up for his previous mistake from the night before.

"Look, I know yesterday didn't go as planned." The soldier began, as he carefully ran his fingers along the blonde's cheek in a gently caress. "But why don't we try and have that talk again tonight over dinner, just the two of us." He suggested, his smile becoming brighter as the cadet lent into the touch and nuzzled his hand affectionately. "I'll cook us dinner here or we could get take out again, whatever you prefer, and we can go over everything that you want to." Zack concluded, as Cloud's sapphire orbs brightened and a wondrous smile appeared on his lips.

"I'd like that." The cadet agreed softly, as he moved in closer to the soldier's body and resettled himself against a firm, well toned chest.

Zack's inside melted like ice-cream on a summers day as he felt the smaller body curl up within his arms, as the soft breaths which escaped Cloud's delicate lips blew gently against his chest, and the feel of the blonde's heart beating alongside his own filled him with joy.

And for a little while they happily forgot about the rest of the world and the things which awaited them that day, the pair simply content to remain holding each other within a loving embrace for as long as possible, or at least until the broken alarm clock tried to tell them it was time to get up again.


	43. Chapter 43: What you need to know

**Bit of a heavy one I'm afraid but I'll try and make it up to you in the next chapter. Enjoy :o) **

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**What you need to know**

The day couldn't have gone any slower in Cloud's opinion, the boring and tedious lessons dragging on forever in the morning and then the afternoon just seeming to never end. Thankfully he was not being forced to do mundane paper work again during their combat training session, or at least the few bits he did have to fill in had some purpose other than to give his fingers blisters.

The blonde couldn't help but smile to himself as he focused on the job he had been assigned to do, the task happily distracting him from the other cadet's who were currently sparring just a short distance away from where he was working. In front of him lie the last of the practice swords which he'd been told to check, the blades being the last part of the training equipment he was completing a detailed inspection of. To start with he had found the job to be a little annoying, as it didn't really feel very productive, but then as the time had passed and he'd begun to sort through the small arsenal the benefits had started to shine through.

Already he was aware of which items they would be starting to use soon in their training as well as how some of them functioned, so that he'd been able to complete the examination properly. Another benefit was that he had also been able to learn about the types of damage which could be sustained by the various weapons before it became unusable, a skill which he knew the other cadet's wouldn't achieve for some time if at all.

Glancing up at the clock across the hall Cloud couldn't help but smile a little brighter, the numbers being displayed showing that the day was nearly over and that there was more than enough time to finish. All he had to do now was check the last of the swords before class ended, as well as complete the necessary paper work relating to them, and then he would be free to spend the evening with Zack uninterrupted. And for this the cadet was more grateful to the fates than words could ever express, knowing that he wouldn't have to take any work home with him or stay late to finish it, his heart racing as once again his mind turned to the soldier and what their time together would mean for the two of them.

It was only now as he thought about it that Cloud realised his mind wasn't focused on the same things as it had been the day before, the doubts and fears he'd held only twenty-four hours ago almost completely gone. No longer was he concerned about the strength and certainty of Zack's feelings towards him, the confessions of love they had shared that morning wiping those reservations clean away. Instead he now worried that it was himself who would let the soldier down, how the hesitation to talk about his own past might give Zack a reason to question the words of love he had returned. And suddenly Cloud remembered their kiss as they had lay in bed together, the deep and heart-felt passion they'd shared in that tender moment silently reassuring him that whatever secrets he held the soldier would understand.

"Strife, you done yet?" The sergeant barked, his deep commanding voice and sudden appearance instantly startling the cadet from his thoughts.

"Sir, yes sir. Just a few more to go, sir." Cloud replied in a slight fluster after having been caught daydreaming, his entire body automatically snapping to attention in response to the presence of the man in front of him.

"Good." The seasoned warrior replied, an approving look showing that he was pleased not only with the cadet's actions but also his efficiency as well. "Carry on then." He grunted before turning and walking away, his departing figure allowing the blonde to release the breath he didn't even know he'd been holding.

Not wanting to upset the sergeant or draw any more attention to himself Cloud quickly hurried to pick up the next sword, his sapphire orbs thoroughly examining the blade before he made any notes regarding the noticeable wear and tear which had taken place. Once he was satisfied that the weapon was still suitable for use he carefully laid it back down beside the others, then began the process again on what turned out to be the second to last item in front of him.

This time however his critical eye instantly spotted some serious damage to the hilt as he inspected it, the crack being large enough to actually worry him about returning it to the rack at all as he quickly made a note on the relevant form. For a minute he stood there with his lips twisting up into a confused expression, his mind frantically debating whether to only log the damage as instructed or in fact report the cracked handle straight away. In the end however the choice was obvious and the blonde drew a deep breath in preparation for what he was about to do, a little voice in his head reminding him it was the right decision because the whole point of the task was to benefit the men's safety. With this one thought running on a loop through his head the cadet made his way across the room, his eyes remaining focused on the sergeant in front of him and not the faces of the other cadet's who now watched him closely.

"Sir." Cloud spoke up hesitantly, his insides tightening as a hard questioning gaze settled on him.

"What is it Strife?" The older man replied, his tone thankfully not being annoyed as the blonde had feared it might be.

"Could you ... help me please?" The cadet enquired nervously, grateful that his voice was not revealing the faint tremble which had begun to run though him for having to ask.

"What's the problem?"The sergeant demanded to know, his firm look glancing down to take in the object held within Cloud's hands.

"The hilt on this sword is badly cracked Sir." The blonde answered quickly, his heart beating a little too fast and clearly not going unnoticed by the older man's mako enhanced senses. "And I don't feel comfortable returning it to the rack, sir." He added, as the seasoned warrior studied him in silence for a minute.

"Is it the only one?" The sergeant asked, clearly deciding to ignore the cadet's nervousness and focus on the query itself.

"I think so." Cloud answered faintly, while giving himself a mental kick for not checking the last sword before drawing attention to himself. "I haven't checked the last one yet because I wasn't sure what to do with this one." He explained honestly, the truth seeming easier than coming up with a weak excuse at this point.

"Well I suggest you finish the task and then take any weapons which require immediate repair to the armoury, where they can deal with it." The sergeant instructed, the commanding tone of his voice not quite matching the look of reassurance he was giving the cadet for asking.

"Yes sir, sorry for disturbing you sir." The blonde quickly responded as was expected of him, the comment in fact earning him a small snort from the older man.

"Apology accepted Strife, but your question was an important one so I'm not angry at you for interrupting me." He pointed out, his earlier smile growing a little more. "Besides ..." He added with a slightly quieter voice. "Sometimes it's good to know when to ask for help and not be afraid to do so." And with that he turned and walked away to observe the sparring cadet's once more, his parting comment momentarily leaving the blonde's mind reeling in surprise and confusion of what it could mean.

As a result it took Cloud nearly a minute to realise that he hadn't moved and was still staring at the soldier who had walked away, his thoughts snapping back to reality and making him blush slightly in response to what he was doing. He then quickly pushed aside the emotions which had arisen from the unexpected behaviour and made his way back over to his work area where, after placing the broken sword carefully to one side, he began to examine the remaining blade. To the cadet's relief the final check only revealed several small nicks along one edge and a dent in the other, both of which were hardly anything worth reporting at all. Still he took the time to finish the forms properly and complete the last entry on the sheet, his heart cheering in delight as the door to the room opened and a family head of raven coloured haired peeked in.

In the blonde's mind the timing couldn't have been more perfect as he hurried to put the last items away, the soldier's appearance coinciding wonderfully with the trip he would now have to make to the armoury with the broken sword.

"Hey." Zack said cheerfully as he made his way over, his casual attitude barley masking the joyful glow in his amethyst eyes. "How's it going?" He asked, as he drew nearer to the cadet.

"It's going well." Cloud replied politely, his own face fighting not to reveal the grin which was pulling at the edges of his lips. "I had to do a weapons inspection today and learnt a few things." He added brightly, as he collected the small pile of papers and slipped them back into their folder.

"Sounds like fun." Zack teased, as he watched Cloud place the last of the weapons back in their rack on the wall until only one sword remained. "Keeping that one out for any particular reason?" He enquired as the object drew his attention, his hand already reaching out for the blade as he spoke.

"Yea, the hilts cracked so be careful." The blonde warned, the comment earning him a soft chuckle from the soldier along with an amused look. "Fine, so you're mako enhanced and harder to hurt." Cloud sighed, his eyes rolling in mock exasperation. "But you should still be careful." He added with a softer voice, as he suddenly remembered where they were and that people were watching even if they couldn't hear everything.

"No worries." Zack said casually while he examined the sword, his expression becoming thoughtful as he noted the damage. "So what are you going to do with this then?" He questioned, as the cadet gathered up his things and reached out to take the item from the soldier's hand.

"I have to take it to the armoury and report the need for a replacement weapon in this room." Cloud explained, his baby blue's quickly searching the large area until they settled on the sergeant who would need to dismiss him. "I'll be right back." The cadet assured, as he turned and began to walk away towards the seasoned warrior leaving Zack to stand alone.

"You done Strife?" The sergeant grunted as the blonde approached, the question being more of a statement considering the way Cloud now stood holding both the folder of reports and the broken weapon.

"Sir, yes Sir." The cadet replied, as he stood to attention before the older man. "Permission to file the reports and deliver the sword as instructed, Sir." Cloud requested officially, the small display of proper etiquette earning him another small smile from the sergeant.

"Technically there's still ten minutes before the end of class cadet." The soldier pointed out, as he glanced over at Zack and returned a more serious look back at Cloud.

"Sir, yes, Sir." The blonde responded calmly, his insides suddenly churning as he began to worry that the request might look personally motivated rather than work related.

"But seeing as how it's probably going to take you longer than that to get everything sorted you might as well go now." He added, the faint hint of amusement in his voice not going unnoticed by the concerned and confused cadet.

"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." Cloud mumbled, as his mind stumbled over the unexpected response.

Then without any further prompting and a final salute the blonde turned and hurried towards the door, his progress through the room once again being closely observed by the other cadet's. And as Cloud met up with Zack and they passed through the door together neither noticed the looks which were thrown their way, the eyes of four previously humiliated boys slowly burning with the flames of repressed anger and a steadily building desire for revenge.

An hour later and Cloud was able to understand the sergeants comment better, his mind replaying the flicker of amusement he'd seen in the man's expression and making him huff in annoyance. Beside him Zack remained quiet and continued to give a sympathetic look, his own violet orbs glowing with a very similar shine as he tried hard not to grin.

"It's not funny you know." The cadet grumbled, as he forcefully kicked an innocent pebble out of his way.

"I know Spiky and I'm sorry, but now you see why I really don't like the administrational side of ShinRa." The soldier replied with an apologetic shrug, as he dug his hands in his pockets and looked away uncomfortably.

"It's ok." Cloud sighed, noticing how his mood was making Zack a little nervous for some reason. "I just don't see why I had to fill in so many forms to report the sword and then request another one." He explained, while trying to get his tone to be calmer then it had been a few minutes ago. "I mean it's simple, right? The sword's broken so we need another one, what's so hard about that?" The blonde demanded to know, the lingering annoyance having returned again while he spoke as it refused to go away completely.

To the cadet's surprise Zack didn't answer straight away, the soldier's lips parting and drawing breath as if he were about to speak but then closing again wordlessly. It was clear to see that there were several thoughts running through his head, his lavender eyes now swimming with emotions as he continued to look ahead and appeared to debate over how to respond. This fact alone instantly placed a seed of guilt within Cloud's chest, the feeling quickly taking root within his heart and steadily growing stronger as the unusual silence continued.

"I'm not angry at you." The blonde spoke up softly, as he looked away towards the distance unable to meet Zack's gaze which now settled on him again. "I just feel ... frustrated because we wasted our time there, when we could have been at home already." Cloud admitted with a tired sigh, the weariness in his voice encouraging the soldier to throw an arm across his shoulders and give a comforting hug.

"Hey, it's ok." Zack replied tenderly, his grip on the cadet tightening so that he drew their bodies closer together as they walked. "I understand and in a way it bothered me too." He began, his explanation stopping long enough for him to place a brief kiss against the blonde's head. "But I'm also guilty for finding it funny and for that I'm sorry."

"I guess you did warn me." Cloud huffed reluctantly, as the apartment building came into sight. "And next time Angeal has a go at you about not getting your reports done I promise I won't say a word." He added, as they entered through the main door and into the lobby.

"I am so holding you to that." Zack all but cheered, his infectious grin spreading to the cadet so that both were smiling happily and even chuckling a little when the lift doors opened and they stepped inside.

Once they reached the apartment however the atmosphere between them began to change, the very action of closing the door behind them and shutting out the rest of the world making both very much aware of what was planned for the evening.

"I have an idea about how we can do this, if you want to hear it." The soldier offered, as he began to remove his boots and spared a glance at the blonde who was busy undertaking the same task.

"Alright." Cloud agreed nervously, his sapphire eyes remaining fixed firmly on the floor at his feet as he began to remove his belts and pads.

"I think we should sort dinner out before worrying about anything else." Zack proposed as he dropped his own shoulder guards onto the floor, the idea earning him a smile from the cadet who seemed to physically relax in front of him. "We can chat about our day while we do it and that way it won't feel ... awkward when things get a bit more ... uuuummmm ... personal." The soldier suggested hesitantly, as he watched a thoughtful expression appear on Cloud's face.

"Thank you." The cadet replied after a moment, a brighter smile forming to let Zack know it was a good suggestion. "But if we ... avoid it now, I'll only feel more nervous later." He sighed, the honesty of his answer seeming to surprise but also please the soldier at the same time.

"I'm glad you said that." Zack replied happily, his arms reaching out to embrace Cloud in a warm hug. "Because truthfully I was a little worried about that happening as well." The soldier confessed, his hold on the cadet's body tightening slightly as he spoke.

"I want to do this, so I'm not going to run away." Cloud reassured gently, as he mirrored the show of affection with his own firmer grip. "But I've never ... trusted someone like this before, never had a reason to ... share myself with someone. I'm scared that if we keep putting it off I'll lose my confidence to be completely honest with you." The cadet admitted, his voice sounding both sad and frustrated about it.

"You have no idea how happy you're making me right now." Zack breathed joyfully, his whole body now radiating with pleasure as he spoke.

"I'm ... scared Zack, scared that once you've heard some of the things which ... which I have to tell you, you'll ... see me differently. I'm afraid that you're going to feel differently about me." The blonde whispered against his chest, his smaller frame now trembling slightly within the soldier's arms. "But this morning you said you loved me and I know that you meant it."

"Damn right I meant it." Zack cut in firmly, as he placed a kiss amongst Cloud's golden spikes. "And if I remember correctly you said you loved me too." He added, before placing another press of lips to the same spot again.

"I did, I mean I do." The cadet corrected, as he tilted his head back to look up into warm glowing violet orbs. "Which is why I feel like I can trust you, why I can ..."

"Can what?" The soldier asked, as the blonde fell silent and his words were left to hang in the air unsaid.

It was only then that he saw the rush of emotions which were flowing through the sapphire eyes in front of him, his heart fluttering in nervous excitement as a look of delighted surprise settled on Cloud's delicate features.

"What is it?" He asked a little nervously, the look on the cadet's face filling him with warmth but also curiosity to know what had caused it.

"I just realised that I've been doing it all along." Cloud said, the small gentle laugh which accompanied the words causing Zack to raise an eyebrow questioningly.

"Doing what all along?" The soldier found himself asking, as the blonde's expression softened even more.

"Talking to you about how I feel." The cadet began, as he slowly pulled away and walked a little unsteadily towards the living room where he took a seat on the nearest sofa. "I've been letting you in more and more each time we talk." Cloud explained breathlessly, as his sky blue spheres filled with a bright and wondrous light.

"That's a good thing, right?" Zack checked as he settled himself next to the happy but still wide eyed cadet.

"Yes, Gaia yes." The blonde gasped, the cheerful tone of his voice making the soldier's heart flutter. "I've never had that with anyone, never been able to ... to just say what I'm thinking or feeling." Cloud started to say, his emotions flickering between the joy and sorrow he was feeling as a result the confession. "No one ever ... there was never someone I could ... they couldn't be trusted, none of them could. I had to hide it all away deep inside so that they wouldn't see, so that they couldn't use it against me." He managed, the words becoming choked in his throat as a lump began to form there. "This morning you called me your boyfriend without even thinking about it and then said you loved me, not just cared for me but loved me."

"That's because I do love you." The soldier interrupted tenderly, as he took the trembling and now tearful cadet into his arms.

"I know you do." Cloud reassured gently, as he drew in a slow steadying breath. "Which is why I want you to know some things about me before we ... before we take our relationship any further." He added softly as he closed his eyes, the reluctance of what he was saying very clear in his voice.

"You're not going to tell me there's someone waiting for you back home are you?" Zack teased, as one hand moved to playfully ruffle the cadet's hair.

"No, no there isn't." The blonde replied faintly, the memory of a promise he'd made to Tifa flickering briefly through his head before he spoke again. "But I need you to just listen for a while and not ask question until I'm finished, to not push when I ... I need a moment to gather myself again." Cloud explained, as he shifted his position so that he ended up lying down with his head resting on the soldier's lap. "I'm a bundle of nerves right now and it's going to be awkward enough for me to ... to let you in as it is."

"I promise to try and keep quiet." Zack agreed, noting how the cadet flinched when he used the word try. "But I can't guarantee complete silence, after all this is me we're talking about." He added light-heartedly, the comment earning him a happier and more relaxed smile on Cloud's face.

"Close enough I guess." The cadet accepted, as a soft chuckle escaped his delicate lips.

With one last deep breath to pull himself together Cloud started to talk, his words initially being faint and uncertain as they began to reveal a past which the soldier had only guessed at. At times the blonde's voice would be strong and confident as he retold some events, then lost and so alone at others that it made Zack's heart ache painfully to hear. But it was the times when there was no emotion that trouble the soldier most, the memories of incidents where Cloud had either separated himself from the situation or was unable to connect with it again which bothered him greatly.

Through it all Zack listened as the cadet described a childhood of bullying and endless problems, the things he already knew or suspected being confirmed and even more unimaginable horrors being added to them. The revelation that Cloud had never know his father brought the threat of tears to the soldier's eyes, a thing which he could never imagine himself after coming from such a loving and devoted set of parents. But what really gave that rising dampness permission to run free was the fact that the blonde had suffered as a result of this, that he'd been forced to defend both himself and his mother from the prejudices of a small community from such a young age because of it. It had nearly broken him to discover that the abuse had been both emotional and physical in nature, that Cloud had quickly learnt to hide the pain of it all and chosen to carry the burden alone to protect his mother from even more heart-ache. But what hurt Zack the most was knowing that the cutting words had done more damage than the beatings ever could, the evidence of this being the silent tears which had begun to fall as the cadet spoke of sheltering the only other person who cared about him from the shame of his alleged weaknesses and failures in life.

The soldier was glad that Cloud hadn't been looking at him then, that the blonde was unable to see the beads of moisture which fell down his own cheeks before they were absorbed by the material of his dark uniform. And then his relief had turned to silent prayers of thanks as soon as he heard about the incident in the mountains with Tifa, his heart skipping a beat at the thought of his Spiky falling the way he had and realising that it could have been so much worse. He was also relieved that the cadet was unable to see the anger which rose in his eyes as he learnt of how the town's people had reacted, his amethyst orbs becoming green with a flare of mako as he fought to keep his own emotions under control at what they had done.

It didn't take a genius to see why Cloud now felt the way he did, why the blonde had needed to escape his home to make things better and how the hopes of that had been dashed once he'd arrived. Zack's heart began to ache as slowly the cadet began to admit to incidents which had taken place since the first day of enrolment, his body feeling sick as the blonde confessed to injuries he'd kept hidden from the very beginning. He listened as Cloud described some of the things which had happened and cringed to think of how they might have felt, his own past problems with the rumours now seeming like a dream by comparison.

Yet strangle though it all Zack couldn't help but feel that at times there were still things which Cloud seemed to avoid talking about, the way his choice of words would suddenly change or the direction of the conversation would alter as he spoke. There were also times when he felt as if something important had been missed out, like a segment of the tale had been deliberately edited as it was retold. But each time he went to ask the soldier would remember the promise he'd made and would force himself to keep the thoughts silent, the questions slowly gathering in his head and patiently waiting until permission would be given for him to ask them.

But Zack was unable to keep all of his feelings trapped inside, the need to say or do something burning within him and eating away at his self control until it broke just a little. Being careful to only use words which would offer comfort and reassurance the soldier tried not to interrupt Cloud too often, instead choosing to let his more tactile side free, his lips remaining sealed together as much as possible as he gently stroked the cadet's tense and trembling body. To his relief the non-verbal comfort had helped to calm the blonde more when words could not, the simple gestures of affection silently working their magic to ease Cloud's nervous and occasionally upset state while he talked. It was only when his fingers ran tenderly along a soft cheek to wipe away the tears that his own heart ached a little more, the warm caresses he gave over the silver tracks each time they appeared quietly helping to remind Cloud that those things were behind him now. And all the while in-between these things Zack would run his fingers through the blonde's hair in a comforting way, the tender touches always helping then both to relax if things became too emotional as well as giving the cadet an anchor to hold onto when the ghosts of his past became too much.

It wasn't long before the soldier began to feel that he'd failed in some way, that even though he hadn't been there at the start he should have seen it later. And the more he thought about what he was being told the more it made Cloud's actions easier to understand, explained why the cadet had learnt to keep so much to himself and not to trust anyone. He cursed himself for not seeing what he should have seen, for not pushing for answers when he'd noticed the odd injuries or questioning what he should have known was the likely cause of Cloud's guarded behaviour. But then he also found himself silently scolding the blonde for keeping it to himself all this time, the taste of blood filling his mouth as he bit his cheek to keep the anger-fuelled and possibly hurtful words held firmly within.

At no point did they stop to have the dinner which had been planned as part of their evening together, neither feeling a need to eat as Cloud focused solely on opening his heart for the first time while Zack silently took what was there and carefully wrapped it within his own. And before they knew it several hours had passed and the cadet had worn himself out, the physical demands of the day catching up with the emotional strain of breaking down his own walls to let the soldier in completely. It was therefore not a surprise when the blonde eventually became quieter as he spoke, his voice growing softer and fainter until his words fell into silence, and the steady rise and fall of his chest let Zack know that Cloud had eventually drifted off to sleep.

It was only now that the soldier truly relaxed and let his emotions free, his ever observant eyes taking in the delicate form which slept and seeing how much the cadet had changed in just those few hours. It was clear to see that the blonde's body now seemed somehow lighter, as if the past had been a weight on his shoulders which had been pulling him down the whole time. Zack sighed softly and a loving smile formed on his face as he watched delicate lips part and gentle breaths escape, his heart beating happily to know that he'd been the chosen one. He was the one Cloud had felt confident enough to share that burden with, the only person the cadet had ever reached out to for help and not only learnt to love but also trust as well.

"I'm so proud of you." The soldier whispered tenderly, as he gently brushed a few stray hairs away from Cloud's closed eyes. "And you know what?" He asked the slumbering cadet affectionately, his tone light and filled with joy. "I think I actually love you even more now, than I did before." Zack murmured softly, his voice carrying easily in the silent room.

And then the soldier allowed his tired eyelids to flutter shut as he settled himself back against the sofa, the feel of the blonde's warm body and gently beating heart gradually lulling him into his own deep and peaceful sleep.

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	44. Chapter 44: No more regrets

**WARNING - This chapter has yaoi in it (BoyxBoy) so if you don't like that kind of thing then please don't read. It's not all the way but does get a little hot and heavy so if it's not your thing you might want to miss this update and wait for the next one. Sorry.**

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**No more regrets**

Pale moonlight shone through the window as Cloud woke to find himself in unexpected surroundings, his sleep filled mind slowly logging the unusual items which filled his blurry vision and leaving him feeling momentarily confused. Instead of the beside cabinet he saw a coffee table, the wall which should have been directly in his line of sight not only the wrong colour in the faint light but also obscured by a table and set of chairs which stood against it. Cloud gasped softly as he suddenly worked out where he was, the realisation that he'd unintentionally fallen asleep on the sofa causing him to panic slightly and instantly try to scramble to his feet.

"Hey, take it easy." Zack's calm voice soothed, as one strong arm easily caught the cadet and then pulled him gently but firmly back down against a well toned chest. "If you're not careful you'll trip over something and hurt yourself." He warned tenderly, the limb which had snagged the blonde around the waist tightening a little more and drawing Cloud's attention to it immediately.

"Zack?" The cadet choked, all traces of sleep now gone as his racing heart began to calm once more. "Zack what's ... going on? Why aren't we ... in bed?" He stammered in confusion, as he twisted around within the embrace to see the soldier better.

"You looked so peaceful after you fell asleep that I didn't feel like moving." Zack admitted with a casual shrug, the cheeky grin he gave only making the warm sparkle in his eyes even more dazzling. "I guess I drifted off watching you and so here we are." The soldier finished lazily, the curve of his lips altering so that his expression became a slightly embarrassed one.

"What time is it?" Cloud asked softly, as he smiled happily in response to the confession.

"A little after one." Zack answered lightly, his hand now moving to recreate the gentle caresses which had eased the cadet into his deep sleep in the first place.

"I'm sorry." The blonde whispered, as he settled himself against the soldier's larger frame. "I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

"It's ok, you were tired." Zack replied affectionately, his position shifting a little so that he could place a brief kiss on Cloud's brow. "And this sofa's pretty comfortable, so it's not like I suffered in any great way." He added with a light chuckle, the joyful sound making the cadet feel a rush of warmth inside.

"Good." The blonde sighed, his forehead tipping forward while a slim arm moved confidently around the soldier's waist so that his body was curled up tightly against Zack's larger frame.

To this action the soldier couldn't help but smile happily, his own head dipping down so that his chin could rest upon a crown of soft golden spikes as his other arm came up to rest on Cloud's back and pull the cadet in firmly against him. There was something so right about the way they now held each other, the silence around them not being awkward or uncomfortable as they continued to sit side by side on the sofa. It was only after a few minutes had ticked quietly by that Zack began to notice a slight tension forming in the blonde's shoulders, the muscles which had been calm and relaxed only moments ago now slowly tightening within the smaller frame.

"Hey, you ok?" The soldier whispered, his voice remaining low so as not to startle Cloud if he was feeling unsettled about something.

"Yea, I was just ... thinking." The cadet replied softly, the hesitation in his response making Zack feel a little uneasy.

"About what?" The soldier asked, as casually as he could manage.

"Did you ... was there anything ..." Cloud began, the question hanging between them unspoken as the words became stuck in his throat.

"There were a couple of things I wanted to ask." Zack admitted, as he held the blonde in place against him. "But some of it I've worked out while you were sleeping, so you don't have to worry about it now." He added, the cadet's relief at hearing those words very evident in the way he gradually began to relax again. "There are still a few things I want to know more about, but I think we can talk about them later."

"What kind of things?" Cloud breathed, his heart skipping a few nervous beats as he forced himself to ask a question he wasn't even sure he wanted to know the answer to.

"Things which can wait for a better time, like after we've both had more sleep and something to eat." The soldier explained gently in an attempt to ease the cadet's rising anxiety, his response in fact only making things worse as they gave Cloud something else to fret over.

"Oh Gaia, I made you miss dinner." The blonde gasped as he pulled away from the embrace, his whole body twisting round and attempting to rise from the sofa once more as he spoke. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'll cook you something now." The cadet offered quickly, the words barely leaving his mouth before they were followed by a soft 'oomph' sound as he was instantly pulled back down again.

"Not hungry." Zack stated before Cloud could speak again, the large blue eyes which now held his own violet ones showing the cadet's surprise and disbelief at his reaction. "And even if I was it's too late for dinner and way too early for breakfast."

"But I ... but you ... I ..." The blonde stammered, the sapphire orbs blinking in confusion as he tried to argue.

"Besides ..." The soldier added coyly, the sparkle in his glowing lavender spheres revealing a heat which hadn't been there a moment ago. "If I was hungry for something, it would be a kiss from you."

The line was beyond cheesy and they both knew it, but still the desired affect was achieved and for that Zack was more than grateful as Cloud's stumbling protests gave way to a radiant and adorably embarrassed smile.

"That's really dorky." The cadet mumbled bashfully, as his cheeks took on a rosy hue and self-conscious pools of blue became hidden by lowered eyelashes.

"But you still love me anyway, right?" The soldier teased, as he gently placed a finger under the blonde's chin and lifted his head up so that their faces could meet. "And you wouldn't deny a starving man his meal, would you?"

"Gaia, that's even worse." Cloud breathed huskily against Zack's mouth, which was now only an inch away from his own.

"Don't I know it." The soldier replied cheekily as he drew them even closer together, the vibration of his voice playing along the cadet's lips and making the blonde shiver in excitement and anticipation.

As if the faint tremble had been his cue to act Zack closed the distance between them, the tender flesh which had been barley touching now pressed firmly together and the joyous connection instantly pulling them both into a void where only they existed. Humour gave way to desire while embarrassment gave way to pleasure, the feel of soft delicate skin joining as they kissed making both feel a sudden rush of need flow through their veins. Once again the intimate interaction moved past being just a sweet and innocent show of affection, the want which began to steadily build within their bodies forcing them to take the experience further than it had ever gone before.

Slowly arms began to move so that hands could touch and explore the other's body, Zack's larger more muscular limbs gliding sensuously over Cloud's smaller frame while the cadet's slim delicate ones moved carefully over and around the soldier's powerfully built one. Neither rushed as their hands enjoyed the new surfaces they were discovering, strong fingers tracing carefully over developing contours beneath a cadet uniform and soft gentle digits hesitantly feeling along the plains of a well defined physique under a soldier uniform. Without even realising it their bodies began to shift against one another's, the position of sitting side by side being pleasing but no longer enough to satisfy their needs.

Without even thinking about it Cloud began to reposition himself on the chair, his supple body rising up and twisting round to face Zack completely so that he now knelt on the sofa as they kissed. Sensing the change in height the soldier's passion filled violet eyes opened briefly, his lips curving up into an even more joyous smile as he deepened the kiss and gently placed his hands on Cloud's hips. As second later and the cadet was adjusting his posture again, his legs spreading a little wider to keep him balanced as he was encouraged to straddle Zack's thighs and take up a new position above the soldier's lap. Within the time it took their hearts to beat again the blonde had lowered himself down to rest more comfortably as the kiss between them intensified, his narrow waist now resting squarely over the soldier's lower body and bringing their shared arousals together in a way which made them impossible to deny.

Both broke away from the kiss to draw in a gasping breath as their concealed erections meet, the few layers of material which separated the hardening flesh doing nothing to hide what both knew was happening between them. But this time neither pulled away from the closeness of how they now sat, their chests heaving as they drew in desperate breaths of air and hearts raced in excitement and anticipation of where things were about to go.

"You .. you don't have to ... do this." Zack managed, his words coming out a little breathlessly as he found himself unable to look away from smouldering blue spheres.

"I want to Zack ... I want to." Cloud panted encouragingly, his arms swiftly wrapping themselves around the soldier's neck and quickly pulling their mouths together once more.

Zack groaned softly into the deep and passionate kiss which was being forced upon him, the heat which now radiated off of Cloud's body making his own feel like it was on fire. He moaned again as the blonde shifted slightly against him, the small movement pushing their swollen flesh together and causing him to pull back slightly to catch his breath again.

"Cloud, I love you." He began, the words pausing so that he could draw in another precious breath. "And I know you love me too." He panted, his hands taking up a firm grip on the cadet's waist so that he could hold the lithe frame still. "So you don't have to do this to prove it to me, not if you're not ready yet."

"I'm not asking to go all the way, I know it's still too soon for that ... for both of us." Cloud managed as he continued to breathe heavily, his mind struggling through the fog of desire within him to find the right words. "I've lived my whole life hiding what I feel and I don't want to do that anymore." The blonde explained, his head dipping forward so that his lust filled blue eyes were hidden behind a curtain of blonde hair. "I had to tell you those things so you would understand me better, so that you could see why I did what I did and why I am who I am. " Cloud breathed softly, his voice now holding a slight tremble as he spoke. "I regret so much Zack and I ... I don't want that to happen with us." The cadet stammered, the reasons being spoken so hesitantly now that they were almost a whispered prayer. "You said I could ... that it was alright to want things for myself." Cloud reminded him, the nervous pause causing the soldier's heart to skip a beat as he waited to hear the request which he knew was coming. "I want to know what it feels like to do more than just kiss you, I ... I want to feel it when I ... when we ..."

"I understand." Zack soothed, as the blonde's plea became broken and fell away into silence. "And I'd like that as well." He reassured gently, as he encouraged Cloud's face to look up at him again.

"I'm sorry." The cadet mumbled, his sapphire orbs now a sea of emotions as they remained connected with softly glowing amethyst spheres.

"Don't be sorry." The soldier replied gently, the distance between them lessening as he lent forward once more. "I don't want there to be any regrets between us either, which is why I won't rush what we have. But if you feel ready to ... feel more, then I won't argue because it's something I want to feel as well." Zack reassured, the loving tone he used easing the last of the nervous tension of out the blonde's body.

And then before Cloud could say anything else the soldier's lips pressed against his once more, the soft tender flesh sealing in the words he'd been about to say and opening the flood gates to the passion which both had been holding back while they spoke. Neither fought the rush of emotions as they became lost to the deep and needful kisses which consumed them, their gasping breaths echoing softly in the dimly lit room each time they were forced to part to draw in precious air.

It took a few minutes for Cloud's body to catch up with his mouth and begin to move as well, Zack's hands slowly relaxing their hold on his slim waist so that they could support rather than restrain his supple body as it began to gently rock back and forth. Quickly the steady motions began to cause their desires to reach new heights, the sounds of heavy panting breaths promptly mixing with soft heated moans of pleasure and echoing loudly in the air around them. Neither felt the need to hold back as the friction began to cause a delightful pressure to build within them, the need which now flowed though their veins leaving both oblivious to the rest of the world around them.

Thankfully the soldier still had enough common sense in him to keep things under some control, as the palms of his hands began easing down and around Cloud's backside to cup the soft firm cheeks through the cadet uniform trouser. His fingers quickly spread out to maximise the amount of surface area they could touch, the tips carefully digging in just a little to re-establish a tender grip on the blonde's lithe body as it continued to grind torturously against him.

"Cloud." Zack breathe heavily, as he pulled his lips away enough to try and speak. "I want to move us, is that ok?" He managed, before a soft mouth once again found his and silenced the words being spoken.

For a moment the soldier lost all train of thought as the cadet dominated the kiss, as a familiar warm muscle eagerly pushed its way into the cavern of his mouth and began to move against his own tongue almost demandingly. He couldn't help but moan into that glorious sensation and tighten his hold, his strong hands instantly sliding down to rest near the tops of the blonde's thighs and unconsciously pull their shared arousals even closer together. He barely caught himself as he began to thrust up against the wonderfully addictive body which now seemed to ride him, his blood replaced with a liquid fire which tore through his veins and pooled low down where their pelvises met in a very intimate way.

Growling softly the soldier moved and effortlessly flipped the cadet's smaller frame off of his lap and down on to the sofa, a small startled gasp escaping Cloud's lips as he suddenly found himself on his back and looking up in to bright violet orbs which glowed with a primal heat.

"You ok?" Zack breathed, as he quickly placed several feather-light reassuring kisses down along the cadet's jaw and neckline.

"Yes, just ... caught me... by surprise." Cloud panted, the broken reply being followed by a deep moan of pleasure as the soldier's mouth latched on to the base of his neck just behind his ear and began to do something which made the cadet's heart rate increase tenfold.

Zack growled again but this time for a different reason, his attack having caused the blonde to squirm beneath him and once again press their erections against one another. There was no denying the pressure which was now building within him, the heat which consumed his body quickly taking over the remaining control of his mind, as he carefully held the glorious body down against the sofa and began to rub their shared arousals together in a more demanding rhythm.

The added friction was like electricity through Cloud's nervous system and he cried out as something within him sparked to life, as the muscles within him suddenly began to tighten and coil in a way which promised pleasure beyond his wildest dreams. And then it was all he could do to breathe as agonizingly slow movements were made against him, as the firm roll of strong hips pushed his lower body back and down into the soft material of the sofa, and the soldier's concealed erection began to press down and massage against his own contained swollen flesh. His need for air gave way to the desire of calling out Zack's name, the word repeating over and over in a pleasure-filled mantra, with each gasping breath becoming more desperate in pitch and pleading in tone as it passed his lips.

The soldier groaned and felt his body begin to respond demandingly as the blonde's voice began to change, the breathless way his name was being spoken altering to become deeper and more drawn out with each gentle thrust. He quickly noticed that there were other signs which now gave the approaching orgasm away, the tension which had begun to form in Cloud's body being an obvious one as well as the rise in his body temperature and the catching sound in his throat each time he tried to draw a breath. But it was the hands which held on to his sides that had Zack's attention now, the slim fingers curled tightly around his hips and firmly pulling him down harder and faster. And then there was the pelvis which rose up against him as much as it could, the opposing upward thrusts which meet his downward ones rocking their bodies together in an almost bruising way.

The rush came before he could truly prepare for it, the joyous sound of Cloud crying out his name in ecstasy as he came pulling Zack into his own orgasm as well. And for a minute they simple rode each other's bodies as they jerked, bucked and convulsed against each other, neither willing to give up on the wondrous sensations which now flowed through them like liquid gold. Heated breaths were panted against hot flushed skin and shaking limbs held onto trembling bodies as both refused to let go of the other, the twitching and occasional spasm rocking their spent flesh together again as the satisfying ripple of muscles continued to play through them.

Eventually the moment passed and both collapsed against the sofa in exhaustion, the soldier being careful to support himself above the body he was now lying on so as not to crush it completely. Zack couldn't help but feel a rush of happiness from what had happened, the joy he felt not only being the result of his own release but from what he was currently seeing. Normally pale cheeks were now glowing with a deep red blush, one which came from the pleasure of their intimacy and not embarrassment of it. Then there were the soft pink lips which always tempted him, the delicate flesh now looking fuller and if he was honest a little bruised from the harsh and demanding kisses which had been shared. But what really caused the soldier's heart to skip a beat was when Cloud's eyelids fluttered open to reveal bright blue orbs, the sapphire gems still clouded with pleasure and being accompanied by the most wondrous smile he'd ever seen.

"Are you ok?" Zack managed to ask after minute, surprised by how breathless his own voice still sounded.

"Yes." Cloud replied hesitantly, a small embarrassed smile gracing his delicate features as they continued to glow radiantly in the faint light.

"Are you sure, I mean ... it didn't ... it wasn't ... too much." The soldier found himself asking nervously, as he balanced himself on one arm so that the other was free to let fingers run through slightly damp blonde hair.

"No, it was ... perfect." The cadet whispered shyly, his cooling cheeks igniting with colour once more as their eyes met and became connected in a way which neither had expected.

And at that moment time itself stood still, the rest of the world ceasing to exist for either of them as one became lost in deep pools of pleasure filled blue and the other began to drown in passionate fires of violet. There was no need for words as both said what they felt through heated gazes, as the burning desire they had been consumed by left behind it a deep seated warmth and sense of peace within their bodies, minds and souls.

"You're amazing." Zack whispered softly, his fingers once again running though golden spikes to push them out of the way before trailing the tips over Cloud's flushed skin.

"No, we're amazing." The cadet corrected him, leaning into the touch as it gently moved down along his cheek.

"Alright." The soldier chuckled in agreement, as he lent down to place a chaste kiss upon the blonde's soft lips. "We're amazing." He reaffirmed, the smile which greeted his words making his insides flutter happily.

It only took a minute tough for his heart to flip flop suddenly as Cloud's face developed a small frown, the cadet's delicate features scrunching up in a cute but unnerving expression as he quickly looked away.

"Spiky." Zack began, his head tilting to one side to catch the blonde's eyes again. "What's wrong?" He asked cautiously, his violet spheres having seen the poorly concealed look of discomfort and unease.

"It's nothing, I just ... it's ... uuuuummm ..." Cloud stammered timidly, the slight blush which had lingered on his fair skin now becoming the colour of rose petals. "I just ... need to ...sort myself out." The cadet mumbled nervously, his sky blue orbs hesitantly coming back round to try and meet the soldier's concerned gaze.

It took Zack's slow mind nearly a minute more to work out what Cloud was talking about, his own face warming as he realised that the material between them which had caused such delicious friction before was now feeling cool, damp and a little sticky.

"I guess we should get cleaned up." Zack agreed with a soft chuckle, as he slowly rose up to his knees and moved away from the cadet's body. "Why don't you go first." He offered affectionately, as the slight blush on his own handsome features darkened a little more. "I'll wait here till you're done."

"Alright." Cloud replied softly, with a shy and clearly self-conscious smile.

Then without further prompting the blonde quickly stood up and made his way through the apartment, his movements across the room being a little clumsy in the dim light as he walked with some embarrassment towards the bathroom. Zack couldn't help but smile brightly as he watched the cadet go, his lips quirking up at the edges as he fought to keep the soft laughter trapped inside. He knew exactly why Cloud's movements were suddenly less graceful than normal, his own problem in that area reminding him that he would soon be making his own uncomfortable walk to the bathroom.

Sighing with an amused acceptance of the situation the soldier lent back against the sofa and looked up at the ceiling, his heated skin now cooling nicely as he sat in the quiet room and listened to the sound of his own heart beating happily within his chest. The evening had not gone exactly as he'd expected but there was nothing he would change if given the chance to do it again, the things which had been said and the emotions which had been shared between them taking what they already had and making it so much stronger than it had been before. The passion which they had shared only moments ago was still running like a drug through his body, a silent craving for more mixing with the realisation that they would be able to have that time again because it was something they both wanted and were clearly ready for now.

The sound of the bathroom door opening drew Zack's attention to it immediately, his legs forcing him to rise and stand as Cloud emerged from the room and raised nervous shy questioning eyes up to look at him.

"Are you ok?" The soldier asked gently, as he approached the blonde and raised a hand to affectionately cup the cadet's cheek. "I can see something's worrying you, what is it?" He added softly before Cloud could protest the initial question, his fingers moving round and down through golden spikes to rest at the nape of the cadet's neck and knead the area gently.

"Was it ... was I ..." Cloud murmured hesitantly as his brow dipped forward to rest against Zack's chest, the slight tension beneath the soldier's palm warning of the cadet's mixed emotions about what they had done.

"I don't have the words to describe what I'm feeling right now, but I promise you it's all good." Zack replied tenderly, the warm breath which escaped his lips drifting past the blonde's ear and making him gasp softly in response.

"I ... it felt ... amazing. Thank you ... for letting it happen." Cloud stammered breathlessly, his face instantly heating up so that the unseen deep blush which rose on his fair skin could easily be felt through the material of the soldier's uniform.

"Hey, no need to get embarrassed, it's ok." Zack soothed, as he desperately tried to hold in the rush of excitement and delighted shouts of joy that the cadet's words had formed within him. "And you don't have to thank me for anything. It's something we both wanted, remember?"

"Yes, I do." The blonde mumbled, his stance shifting slightly as he settled himself into the loving and tender embrace they were now sharing.

The soldier couldn't help but smile even more as he felt the cadet relax against him, his face practically splitting in two by the grin which had formed across his handsome features at how things had turned out. At no point had he dared to hope that their evening would end like this, the happiness of just having Cloud let him in being enough to make his heart fill with pleasure, the strong muscle deep within his chest now beating out a joyous rhythm as he felt something within him click into place. And suddenly Zack could feel the connection which had formed between them become stronger, the emotional ties which had bound them from the start now more secure in their hold because of the honesty and trust which had been shared between them.

"Zack." The cadet whispered, the unexpected sound drawing the soldier away from his pleasant internal musings. "Am I different to you now, do you ... see me differently?" The blonde dared to ask, his voice so soft and cautious that if it wasn't for his enhanced hearing Zack doubted he would have heard the question at all.

"Yea, actually I do." He replied tenderly, his insides knotting slightly as he felt Cloud tense again just before he was able to explain properly. "I see someone who was brave enough to overcome their greatest fears and learn to trust again, a man who realised he was loved and could express that love in return." The soldier began to say, his words causing the blonde's heart to skip a beat and his next breath to catch in his throat as the reasons began to sink in. "I see a cadet that will one day be the greatest soldier ShinRa has ever seen because he was strong enough to follow his dreams and leave the past behind to build himself a better future." Zack stated calmly, his arms tightening the embrace as he heard the soft relieved stuttering breath being released.

"Do you ... really ... see me that way?" Cloud stammered, as he pressed himself in even closer to the soldier's body and let the material of the dark uniform begin to absorb his silent tears.

"Yes, I do." Zack replied lovingly, as he felt the revealing dampness against his chest and fulfilled the blonde's unspoken wish by holding him in an even tighter embrace. "What I feel for you is so much stronger than it was before and it has nothing to do with what just happened between us." The soldier confessed as he held the trembling cadet close. "It's because you let me in completely earlier and I know how much that took for you to do it, what it meant for you to be that honest and share yourself with me." He explained, the reasons slowly washing away the lingering fears which seemed to cling to Cloud as strongly as he now held on to Zack's protective embrace. "You wanted me to understand why and now I do, just like I also know who you were and how you got there." The soldier began, the tone he used becoming softer, tender and more caring as he spoken. "But it's time for you to let go of that now and see what you have become, to know who you are and work out where you want it to take you."

To this Cloud had no words to reply as fresh tears broke free and spilled gracefully down over his damp cheeks, the things which filled his head unable to form a coherent thought or even a voice as they struggled to rise past the emotional lump which now blocked his throat. Instead he looked up and found himself staring into Zack's wondrous eyes in silence, the things he wanted to say suddenly seeming unimportant as the looks being shared somehow declared it all for him. Within those amethyst gems there shone a love which he knew was reflected in his own sapphire orbs, the connected spheres glowing brightly like twin suns to reveal not only the pleasure which had been felt in their moment of passion but also the certainty of commitment which had accompanied it. Within the mirrored worlds of blue and violet there were no clouds of regret to darken the skies, no doubts or uncertainties to block out the light which filled their souls, as the sureness of each man's faith in the other allowed the emotions within their hearts to be seen clearly.

"I love you." Cloud whispered, the next words falling of his tongue before he could stop them. "Please don't ever leave me."

"I'd never leave you Spiky." Zack reassured tenderly, his hold on the cadet once again becoming a gentle embrace close to his body. "We're going to grow old together you and me, two grumbling old fools griping about the way life used to be when we were young." He joked with a deep rich chuckle, the sound drawing a small happier breath from the blonde in his arms. "And if the fates decide it's my time to go before that, then I'll find a way to stay with you, somehow." The soldier added reluctantly but as lovingly as he could, the truth of who he was and what that entailed very clear in his head.

"Just don't do anything stupid which could risk that." Cloud replied softly, his words almost an echo of Kunsels and hitting the soldier in the chest a little harder than he wanted to admit even to himself.

"I won't." Zack agreed quickly, his need to move them on from the sombre mood pushing him to change the topic back to more immediate things. "Now stop worrying about it and get yourself into bed." He ordered gently, the light-hearted tone helping to ease the remaining tension within Cloud's trembling frame. "You've still got classes tomorrow and I'll be damned if I'm going to explain to Angeal why you're so tired. Unless of course you want a speech about the birds and the bees and then I'd be more than happy to tell him." The soldier teased with a soft chuckle, his attempt at humour earning him a small sniffling snort of shocked amusement from the cadet.

"You wouldn't dare." Cloud challenged back hesitantly, his words being slightly muffled against a firm chest and causing delicious vibrations to travel through Zack's nervous system.

The soldier would have replied to the comment with more of a mischievous comeback if it weren't for the two factors which now gave him reason to pause, his mind thankfully having some control over his mouth before the banter between them was able to continue. First the little voice in his head was quick to make him very much aware of the nervous tone the blonde had spoken in, the slightly more confident reply still being tainted with uncertainty in case the joking threat had been in anyway serious. Then there was the other warning which flowed through him loud and clear, the one which said that he was once again responding to the closeness between them in a way which made his current problem even more uncomfortable and was certainly not appropriate so soon after their last encounter.

"No, I wouldn't." Zack agreed softly, as he shifted his hips back a little to put a bit more space between their lower bodies. "It's something I'd rather avoid for a while as well." He added, as a way of reminding the cadet that he wouldn't be the only one to get a mini lecture about what they were doing. "So do me a favour and get that cute behind of yours into bed, alright." The soldier pleaded with a faint whine, the blonde's shinning blue spheres looking up again just in time to see the trade mark puppy pout slip into place.

"Alright." The cadet breathed happily, his smaller frame relaxing within the arms that kept him safe and letting the happier things he felt rise to the surface so that they could be seen.

With one last quick chaste kiss Zack released Cloud's lithe body and spun it to face away from him, a gentle push against the blonde's back forcing him to begin the short walk towards their bedroom where he needed to go. Sighing in mock annoyance at the soldier's actions Cloud spared a glance over his shoulder to look back at the raven haired teen to roll his eyes, the fake put out look losing all of its effect due to the soft contented smile which graced his delicate features.

"Go." Zack urged with his own version of false exasperation as the blonde's progress faltered, his violet eyes twinkling with repressed laughter as he also failed to look serious.

The curve of Cloud's lips increased a little more at what he saw, the desire to say something else barely holding its place on the tip of his tongue as he realised that he was now indirectly keeping the soldier from sorting himself out. Blushing with embarrassment at the not so innocent thoughts which came with the small revelation the cadet quickly turned and walked away, his retreating figure quickly disappearing into the bedroom and leaving Zack to wonder what could have possibly entered Cloud's mind to produce such an entertaining reaction. With a faint chuckle the soldier decided that he'd let whatever it was go this time, his warnings about the cadet being tired in the morning now seeming to apply to his own weary state as he made his way into the bathroom.

It was closer to two in the morning by the time both soldier and cadet found themselves tucked up in bed where they belonged, their bodies curled up against one another's as they lay beneath the sheets together. Already the sleep which had been pushed aside earlier in favour of a more intimate experience had returned, the sandman quickly approaching and not only dusting them with his magic but in Zack's opinion burying him in the stuff. He stifled yet another yawn with the back of his hand and shifted a little more to get comfortable on the mattress, his arms instinctively going back around Cloud's body and pulling the smaller frame in against him.

As if sensing the slight change in position the cadet's limbs began to move as well, the semi-conscious blonde automatically hugging Zack's muscular arms as they held him firmly around the waist and somehow managing to entwine their legs together at the same time.

"You know you're pretty amazing Spiky." The soldier whispered softly, afraid that anything louder might disturb the blonde as he began to drift off.

"Why?" Cloud hesitated to ask, his voice thick and a little muffled as his foggy mind barely held onto reality.

"Because only a few months ago I could barely get you to smile at me and now ... now we're so much more than that." He replied fondly, his voice remaining low so as not to rouse Cloud any more than he already was.

"I'm different now and that's because of you." The cadet murmured faintly, as the promise of a deep and peaceful sleep slowly pulled him away from it all.

"Me?" The soldier questioned breathlessly, as once again the blonde revealed something he hadn't expected to hear that night.

"Yes you." Cloud confirmed happily, the affectionately spoken words being the last ones he would speak that night as he slipped away into a world of limitless dreams and endless possibilities.

"You've been through so much and I'm so proud of you." Zack whispered gently against the slumbering form in his arms, the cadet's soft breaths which ghosted over his bare arms stirring the protective feelings of love he felt deep inside. "And I promise to make you proud of me too, to show you that I'm worthy of your trust and feelings for me."

And with that the soldier placed one finally kiss against Cloud's temple and settled himself back amongst the sheets, strong arms never once letting go of the person they held dearly, as Zack drifted away into his own deep and peaceful sleep.


	45. Chapter 45: A friendly hearttoheart

**For anyone who hasn't read my profile recently I should warn you that I'm going away at the end of next week and will not be back until the 2nd June. The way things are going I probably won't get a chance to update again before I go, and certainly won't be able to while I'm away, which means there will be a few weeks between this posting and my next update. For this I can only apologise and say that I will do my best to try and update as soon as I get back.**

**Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter and please remember to review at the end :o)**

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**A friendly heart-to-heart**

It wasn't often that Zack and Reno managed to get a day off together, their schedules normally conflicting and only leaving them evenings or the occasional weekend to catch up. Today however fate had decided to grant them this rare occurrence, the fact that the afternoon was also going to lead into a long awaited poker night only adding to the red heads excitement. It had been a while since they'd had a chance to really kick back and relax together, Kunsel's return from Junon and Zack's happier mood with Cloud's situation meaning that it would almost be like old times again.

The Turk smiled happily as he walked down the street, the soldier beside him also grinning in that boyish way he did when things were going well. In fact the longer Reno watched Zack out of the corner of his eye the more convinced he was that it was going to be a perfect day, the sparkle he saw within those violet orbs leaving no doubt that he was not the only one feeling good about life at that moment.

"So, what are we actually getting for tonight then?" The red head asked casually, his question finally drawing the soldier's attention to him and out of the clouds where it had been.

Reno couldn't help but smirk to himself at that thought, the idea of Zack's head being in the clouds seeming quite appropriate considering who he was probably thinking about.

"Uuuummm the usual I guess." The soldier replied, his thoughts slowly coming back round to the reason for their trip to the shops. "Although maybe not as much alcohol as normal, I don't want to give Cloud the wrong idea about our get-togethers."

"Afraid he'll disapprove and ban you from playing with the other kiddies?" The Turk teased, the comment in fact earning him a playful smack to the arm and unexpectedly a rather serious look as well.

"He's not used to hanging out with people Reno and tonight is a big step for him." Zack explained nervously as they walked. "He knows you reasonably well now, but Kunsel's still a stranger and he hasn't even met Cissnei yet. I just don't want to give him anything else to worry about."

"You do remember that it takes a lot to get either me or Turk girl drunk, right? Plus you and Kunsel have mako in your veins to break it down quicker, so it's not like we're all going to be mindless idiots after a beer or two."

"I'm fully aware that it takes a lot more than a couple of drinks to get any of us wasted." The soldier sighed, his eyes rolling in response to the red head's comment. "But I'm not sure that Spiky does and I don't want him seeing how much we normally drink at these gatherings and freaking out."

"You make it sound like we're a bunch of alcoholics." The Turk sighed, his face scrunching up in mock annoyance. "You know none of us go overboard when we play poker." He huffed, his turquoise orbs glowing brightly with amusement as he spoke again. "Hell, it's about the only time we do get together and none of us drink ourselves silly."

"That's because money's involved." Zack pointed out with a grin, his light-hearted chuckle drawing one from the red head as well.

"Yea, you're right." Reno agreed, his soft laughter fading away as the soldier raised a disbelieving eyebrow in his direction. "Nothing like the thought of losing a few Gil cause you couldn't see the cards right to keep a man sober." He added with a casual shrug, even though they both knew that he could still play a mean game when he was heavily intoxicated.

"I just don't want to make Spiky feel any more uncomfortable about tonight than he already does." Zack continued, his joyful expression slipping a little as he spoke, the need for his reasons to be understood shinning very clearly in his eyes.

"Fair enough." The red head agreed with a sigh of acceptance, the justification actually making sense and being one he couldn't argue without sounding petty. "If it will make him, and you, feel better than we'll cut back this time." Reno said, his next words bringing a surprising reaction from the soldier beside him. "Hell, maybe next time we can even get him to have a drink or two as well. Might be fun to see the kid relax a little with some alcohol in his system."

"What do you mean?" Zack asked, the bewildered and confused look on his face making Reno nearly trip over his own feet.

"Zack man, Cloud can't drink tonight." The red head choked, his aqua orbs opening wide in disbelief at the soldier's stupidity.

"But he's old enough to drink, plus it's in a private residence and ..."

"Shit, legally yea he's old enough." The Turk cut in, his hands coming up to wave the soldier into silence. "But his medication is not one you want to be mixing with alcohol. Trust me when I say that would be a seriously bad thing to happen."

"Oh Gaia Reno, I hadn't even thought of that." Zack stammered, his sun-kissed skin suddenly looking a lot paler than it had a few minutes ago. "I could have killed him." He choked, the realisation seeming to freeze the raven haired teen's lungs as he fought to draw the next breath.

"You wouldn't have killed him." The red head reassured quickly, his hands going to the soldier's arms to steady him. "But he would have been pretty sick mixing the two, so don't let him do it later. Ok?" The Turk instructed, his sea-green eyes staying connected with panic filled lavender spheres until Zack nodded numbly that he understood. "Relax and breathe soldier boy." Reno offered lightly, his use of the nickname helping to ease some of the tension he could now feel running through the larger frame in front of him. "We'll pick up some sodas for him and that way there won't be a risk of drinks getting mixed up."

"Do you think he knows? Would they have told him to avoid alcohol?" Was the mumbled but slightly calmer response to his comment, a nodding head of raven spikes showing that the plan had been accepted even as the new questions fell from his lips.

"Maybe, but I doubt it." Reno sighed, his hands falling away and resting loosely by his side. "They probably didn't think he'd get an opportunity too, considering his circumstances I mean."

"I should tell him, shouldn't I?" Zack half stated half asked, his amethyst eyes searching the Turk's for confirmation or dismissal of the suggestion.

"It wouldn't hurt to check." Reno replied gently, his soft smile offering a friendly reassurance that the idea was a good one. "Just to be on the safe side." He added at the end, his right hand once again coming up to squeeze the soldier's forearm in a comforting way.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to ... panic like that." Zack offered weakly, his main concerns now abated and leaving him feeling a little embarrassed.

"Nothing to be sorry about, you care about him and it's understandable that a shock like that would freak you out."

"I ... I can't lose him Reno, I just can't." The soldier managed, the emotional undercurrent of his words very evident in the look he was suddenly giving the red head.

"You're not going to you dumb arse porcupine." The Turk retorted jokingly, as memories of a painful past came rushing to the surface and forced him to act before the mood deteriorated anymore.

"What did you just call me?" Zack spluttered, the sorrowful look which had been forming within his violet eyes suddenly blinking away to be replaced by one of shock.

"You heard me soldier boy." Reno replied firmly, as he crossed his arms over his chest in a moment of proud triumph. "I called you a dumb arse porcupine."

"Why?" The soldier enquired humorously, his curiosity and amusement of the new nickname now showing on his handsome features.

"Well, your hair makes you look like a porcupine." The Turk began, the changes he could see taking place making him feel more confident about what he was saying. "And you're being an idiot for thinking so negatively. I mean, aren't you the one that's always telling me to look on the bright side of life or some shit like that?"

"I do and it's true." Zack chuckled, as he relaxed into a casual stance and settled the majority of his weight on one foot. "But I believe you called me a dumb arse, not an idiot." He pointed out, a single raven coloured eyebrow rising questioningly at the red head.

"Yea well idiot porcupine sounds pathetic, so I got creative." Reno replied with a shrug, his mischievous grin finally drawing a happier more relaxed smile from the soldier as well.

"You certainly did." Zack had to agree, his lavender orbs softening to show that he understood what the red head had done and appreciated it.

"Come on, this mushy stuff's making me nauseous and wasting time, yo." The Turk declared, his dramatic show of exasperation making the soldier laugh out loud.

And just like that Reno knew that things were ok again, the deep rich sound filling the air around him and helping them both to slip back into their more enjoyable plans for the day.

"Ok, so we'll pick up some drinks on the way back as they're the heavier items. Now what about food, do we go for snacks or something a bit more filling?" The soldier aired thoughtfully, as they began to make their way down the street again.

"Pizza should be good, it covers both categories and people can eat as much or as little as they want." The red head pointed out, a sudden memory popping to mind and making him speak again. "Cissnei said to let you know she's bringing her special dip. So I guess we'll need something for, you know, dipping in it." He warned, the mild look of worry they shared showing he was not the only one to be hesitant about this revelation.

"In that case we're also going to need plenty of ice, that stuff was hot last time." Was the kind but clearly concerned reply, the friendly heartfelt tone it was spoken in showing that the words were genuinely happy even if they did sound a little disturbed by the revelation.

"Tell me about it." Reno chuckled briefly, before the sound was cut short as they turned down a road he hadn't been expecting. "Uuuummm Zack, the stores that way." He pointed out, his feet continuing to follow the soldier's progress while his thumb was now jerking in the opposite direction.

"There's something else I need to get first." The soldier mumbled, his cheeks warming slightly as he spoke.

"We wouldn't happen to be heading to a certain store where they sell alarm clocks, would we?" The Turk asked playfully, as he began to recognise the familiar road Zack was now leading him down.

Reno grinned as he watched the soldier beside him squirm, the tell-tale blush which filled Zack's cheeks instantly letting him know that he'd guessed right.

"I knew it." The red head all but cheered, as their progress down the street came to a gradual stop. "So you killed another one." He chuckled, as sun-kissed skin began to develop an obvious dusty pink shade. "Isn't that like, the fifth one this year? Or something like that." He noted with highly amused glee.

"Bite me." Zack retorted with a poor attempt at annoyance, the sight of Reno's joyful mood mixing with his own embarrassment and making it hard to actually be angry about the light-hearted teasing.

"No, that's Cloud's job now." The Turk threw back offhandedly, his next comment disappearing into full out laughter as the soldier's face suddenly exploded with colour at the unexpected comeback.

"Oh, this is priceless." Reno exclaimed happily, once he was finally able to draw a decent breath and began to wipe the tears of mirth from his face. "I've never see you so easily flustered man, it's great."

"Glad I amuse you." The soldier grumbled as he kicked at the ground where they stood, his body suddenly feeling too hot in his casual dark blue jeans and t-shirt.

"Sorry, but you know I can't help myself." The red head offered by way of an apology, his hands brushing the sides of his own faded denim jeans to rid his fingers of the lingering dampness. "Besides, I never thought you'd react like that to what I said."

"You didn't have to say it at all." Zack pointed out, his cheeks becoming an even deeper shade of red as if he'd somehow managed to develop a minor sunburn.

"Yea, yea, I know." Reno sighed, the face splitting grin he wore not giving in for one moment as they continued to look at each other. "But seriously, all jokes and stuff aside, how are things going with you two?" He asked the soldier, his thoughts about the blonde now revolving around the newest gossip he'd heard about the cadet since returning from a mission the night before.

For a minute Zack actually considered brushing the Turk's question off with a simple it's fine, the thought of doing so dying as soon as he saw the determined searching look within the turquoise eyes which now seemed to be watching him intently.

"You aren't going to accept me saying it's great and just leave it at that, are you?" He found himself asking, the answering smirk which appeared on Reno's face instantly letting him know that question had been a pointless one.

"No way soldier boy." The Turk replied with a warm light-hearted chuckle. "I may have been away on an assignment for a couple of days, but that doesn't mean I don't know what's been going on here."

"So you know about the punishments and stuff?" Zack asked, a silent nod from the red head confirming what was suspected. "And now you're wondering how it's affected us, right?" He guessed, a second dip of fiery red hair confirming what he already knew would be the case.

For a minute Zack wasn't sure what to say and so turned and began to walk again, his progress down the street coming to an abrupt halt after only a few feet as Reno's hand clamped around his arm and pulled him to a sudden stop.

"I'm sorry." The Turk offered, a soft compassion visible within his eyes as they held the soldier's questioning gaze. "I honestly thought things were ok between you, especially after the way you reacted just now when I spoke about him."

"They are ok." Zack mumbled, now confused by the change in Reno's behaviour. "Why would you think they weren't?"

"Cause you look like you've just been hit." The Turk replied coolly, his tone showing that he was not yet convinced by the answer. "It ain't like you to just walk away either, so it tells me that something's wrong."

It was only then that Zack understood why the red head looked so concerned, that the rarely seen expression of sympathy which was now displayed in Reno's aqua orbs as they held his own violet ones looked so worried.

"Things between us are fine, really they are." The soldier tried to reassure, the argument he saw forming in sea-green spheres warning him that more was needed before the words would be believed. "We fought about the punishment, about the reasons for it happening." He admitted with a sigh, the look of triumph which briefly flickered in Reno's eyes making him frown and his insides bristle. "Why the hell would you be pleased about that?" Zack challenged, his arm wiping out to the side so he could yank it free of the Turk's grip.

"I'm not pleased that you guys fought, trust me on that one." Reno retorted, as he lowered his empty hand back down to the side of his body. "But I was right about there being something wrong."

"There's nothing wrong." The soldier insisted, his frustration with the Turk becoming obvious now. "The fight was ... it was a good thing, we ..."

"How the hell can you two fighting be a good thing?" Reno interrupted demandingly, his turquoise orbs narrowing suspiciously at the unexpected words.

"Because it made us talk about things, made us admit to how we felt about each other." Zack replied evenly, the sudden wisp of green which appeared in his lavender spheres making the red head take an involuntary step back.

"Calm down Zack, I was just asking." The Turk tired to sooth, his own muscles automatically tensing in response to the possible threat which was forming. "You know I'm all for you guys talking, and I'm glad that you are, but you can't blame me for being worried about you."

It only took the soldier a few seconds to see what was happening between them, his heart skipping a beat in protest as he realised that the red head was now in a defensive stance in front of him. It was not something he'd ever wanted to see happen between them, the bond which they had being like that of brothers and a friendship which he never wanted to damage or lose. As a result the feelings of guilt hit Zack like a tidal wave and caused him to nearly choke on his next breath, the physical reaction of him stumbling back a few steps catching Reno by surprise as well.

"Zack?" The Turk asked uncertainly, his previously guarded features once again showing the concern he was feeling. "Shit man, you look like you've just seen a ghost. Are you ok?"

"Yes, no, damn it." The soldier breathed, his hands shaking noticeably as he ran them across his face and through his spiky black hair. "I didn't mean to ... to ... you know ... at you." He mumbled, his amethyst eyes unable to meet the aqua ones which still looked at him with guarded concern.

"You mean go all 'angry soldier' on me, right?"

"Yea, that."

"Then make it up to me by telling me what's going on." Reno demanded, his tone mixed with both an attempt at gentleness but also unquestionable insistency. "We've talked about stuff before and it's never got you this wound up, so what the hell's happened to make you so ... defensive?"

"He told me more about his past, about the things that happened to him back home, and finally admitted to what the other cadet's have been putting him through here."

"So the kid opened up to you, that's a good thing Zack." The Turk pointed out, his arm reaching out slowly and carefully to rest comfortingly on a powerful arm. "I thought you wanted him to be honest with you."

"I do but, there was so much ... he's been through so much. I knew he was hiding things, but I never ... I never imagined it would be that bad." The soldier tried to explain, his voice cracking as he remembered Cloud's tears as it was all confessed to him.

"You're blaming yourself again, aren't you?" The red head asked, a heavy knowing sigh escaping him as soon as the words were spoken.

"Damn it Reno." Zack groaned, his shoulders slumping in weary defeat as he let out a long frustrated breath. "How can I not blame myself for letting him suffer? I mean you were right all along, about him needing to talk to someone, but I just kept denying it."

"You were trying to protect him Zack, we've had this conversation already, remember?"

"Yea, I remember."

"Good. Now stop worrying about what you think you screwed up on in the past and talk to me about what's going on now. Tell me what's happened between you both to have gotten you so worked up like this."

"I don't think I screwed up, I know I did." The soldier corrected with a small scowl, his comment being brushed off by a roll of the red head's turquoise spheres before they settled on him again.

"Fine, whatever." The Turk huffed, as he let go of the soldier's arm and threw his hands in the air in exasperated defeat. "But just now you said things were ok and if you want me to believe that you need to start talking."

"I told him about Kyle." Zack whispered, his irritated mood instantly changing to one of quiet withdrawal.

The revelation was not one Reno had been expecting and this time it was his turn to stumble back in surprise, the shock of hearing the soldier admit to such a thing making him stare in wide-eyed silence at Zack for a few seconds before he found his voice to speak again.

"You ... did?" The red head stammered, the sea-green orbs which now studied him closely making the soldier shift uncomfortably where he stood.

"Yea, I did." Zack breathed nervously as he looked away, his violet spheres unable to stay connected with the Turk's questioning gaze any longer.

"Well shit, that puts a whole new spin on things." Reno exclaimed softly, a long breath escaping his body as he shifted awkwardly on the spot and looked around uncertainly. "It must be pretty serious for you to ... talk about that."

"He deserved to know about my past if I was asking about his."

"So what, you guys had a little heart to heart and just confessed everything." The Turk replied calmly, the hint of disbelief in his words making Zack frown at him again.

"It's a bit more complicated than that." The soldier snipped back, his arms crossing defensively over his chest as he spoke.

"Good, then it gives us more to talk about." Reno noted with a smirk, the sudden change in his mood catching Zack by surprise.

"Why do you suddenly look so pleased?" The soldier found himself asking, the joyful glow within the red head's eyes making him feel a little uncomfortable about what was about to happen.

"You said you guys talked, right?"

"Yes."

"And now things between you are ok, right?"

"Yes." Zack repeated, the excitement he could see building within the Turk making his insides squirm again.

"So ..." The red head began, his aqua orbs flickering with mischief as he threw an arm around the soldier's broad shoulders and leant in close to his ear. "What was it about my Cloud biting you comment that made you blush?" He asked playfully, the unexpected and rather personal question causing Zack's face to become the colour of rose petal once more. "Well I'll be damned, the kids a biter." Reno chuckled, the incomprehensible spluttering protests which escaped the soldier's lips making him laugh even harder. "That good, yo." He managed, before another burst of hysterics overtook his body and he ended up leaning on Zack to hold himself upright.

With a disgruntled huff the soldier took a deliberately step to the side so that the Turk's body was no longer supported by his own, the new position a few feet away effectively leaving Reno so stumble aimlessly as he tried to not end up as an incapacitated heap on the floor. A second later and the red head gave up trying to stay standing and ended up bent over at the waist, with his hands now braced against his knees to keep himself balanced, his athletic frame notably shaking as he fought to draw breath whilst still laughing uncontrollably.

"Some best friend you are." Zack grumbled with only mild irritation, his annoyance at the red head taking pleasure from his embarrassment slowly melting away as the joyful sound filled the air around them.

"Sorry man ... but your ... face. Should have ... seen it ... priceless, yo." Reno managed between gasping breaths, his words being spoken between snorting and sniggering sounds as he tried to pull himself together.

"Arsehole." The soldier retorted weakly, the insult having very little effect considering he was now trying not to chuckle as well.

"Don't go there Fair. You know I'd happily keep making comments to see you blush like that again." The red head warned, his flushed smiling expression revealing the very real possibility of such a thing happening.

"Fine." Zack conceded, his hands going up in a quick show of surrender. "But I'm not about to give you any more ammunition against me, which means this chat is over."

"Oh come on." Reno whined, his humorous expression dipping for a second as he stood tall again. "You were laughing too, I saw you." He challenged lightly.

"You know I can never stay mad at you." The soldier sighed, his posture now a relaxed friendly one again. "And yea, I admit hearing you let go like that was entertaining." He confessed with a shrug. "But I'm still not going to tell you anything, if you're only going to make more comments like that."

"Spoil sport." Reno sulked playfully, the response causing Zack's jaw to drop open in wordless disbelief and another snort of poorly contained laughter to escape the red head's body. "I'm sorry." The Turk spluttered, as the soldier growled at him in warning. "But you've never been this easy to wind up Fair and damn me if you like, but it's actually a lot of fun."

"I'm going now Reno." The soldier informed him, his body already turning in the direction they needed to go and taking the first couple of steps before the Turk shouted an apology and quickly jogged after him to catch up.

For a couple of minutes they walked along the road together in silence, the red head still working to bring his bubbling amusement back under control while Zack tried to figure out a sensible way to tell Reno about what he and Cloud had actually done. It was just entering his mind to not say anything when the Turk broke the quiet between them once more, his lighter tone letting the soldier know that while the teasing was over for now it was not something which would go away any time soon.

"So are we going to talk about this now or later when Cloud can hear us?"

Zack looked over at Reno and let the 'you dare' expression settle firmly on his face, the faint chuckle it received revealing that once again he was only adding to the red head's enjoyment of the situation.

"Or I could always ask him." The Turk aired thoughtfully, the twinkle in his eyes letting the soldier see the unspoken challenge in his words. "I'd love to see how red his pale skin would go if I got that kind of reaction from you."

"Damn it Reno, I swear I will rip certain private parts of your body off with my bare hands if you upset him." Zack warned with a poor attempt at humour, his effort to keep the banter light-hearted and playful failing miserably as the darker more threatening tone was heard instead.

"Holly shit, over protective much." Was the instant reply, a low whistle and contemplative hum showing that Reno was now absorbing the information and processing it with his Turk skills.

"You have no idea." The soldier sighed, as he rolled his shoulders to try and ease the unnecessary tension which had formed there.

"They really did a number on him, didn't they?" Reno half asked half noted, the slight flinch he saw in Zack's next step as they walked letting him know the guess had been right. "How bad has it been, for him I mean?"

"I'm not sure if he's ready for anyone else to know about it yet." The soldier explained, the apologetic look he gave showing that if he could, he would let Reno know everything. "Can you accept that what I'm going to tell you is the edited version, at least until I'm sure he's ok with other people knowing about it?"

"They're his secrets to keep, so yea I'll take what I'm given until more is allowed." The red head agreed, his expression softening as he spoke again. "So you really told him about Kyle."

"Yea."

"How'd it go?"

"Like eating broken glass and swallowing razor blades."

"Sorry man." Reno breathed, Zack's dejected and pained response making him feel bad for asking. "I know it's not something you like to talk about."

"I'll never forget him or the time we had together." The soldier began, his voice faltering for a second as he drew a steadying breath. "But it doesn't hurt as much to think about it these days."

"That's a good thing Zack." The Turk noted softly, their eyes meeting for a second so that the unspoken words of reassurance he wanted to say were given another outlet to he expressed.

"I know." The soldier sighed, a faint smile ghosting his handsome face as he let his appreciation for the comforting looks be shown.

"So how did Cloud take it?"

"Better than you'd think considering, I mean it's not often you find out that kind of detail about someone's past."

"I take it he didn't freak out about the whole thing." Reno enquired as casually as he could manage right then, his nerves now humming with the need to know as much as possible.

"I think it upset him more that I was so ... affected by it."

"He's never seen you hurting in that way before, it's to be expected. Hell I'm more used to seeing you down than he is and it still troubles me."

"Aaawww Reno, I didn't know you cared so much." Zack teased, the slightly brighter smile he wore stopping the Turk from giving the cocky answer which he'd been about to give.

"Truth is Fair you're a good guy and it takes a lot to pull you down." The red head started to explain, a deep sigh preceding his next words as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and focused on the road in front of them. "I don't know what else has happened between both of you in the last couple of days, but I'm betting Cloud's got to witness a side of you he hasn't seen before because of it."

"I think my ... honesty encouraged him to do the same, made him feel like he could tell me about his own past." Was the carefully spoken response to his words, the tone of the soldier's voice holding too many emotions to work out if he was happy about this fact or not.

"Come on." Reno sighed, as he reached out and tugged Zack in a new direction.

"What, where are we going?" The soldier asked in confusion, as he stumbled slightly before allowing himself to be dragged towards their new destination.

"I don't know about you but it's lunchtime and I'm hungry." The red head replied, his grip not loosening as he continued to pull Zack along. "We can chat while we eat and then go shopping for a new alarm clock afterwards." He proposed as they rounded the corner, the welcoming sight of their usual diner coming into view and helping the soldier to relax a little more.

"Thanks Reno, I appreciate it." Zack breathed gratefully, his humble response causing the Turk's progress to falter as he glanced back at the man he was hauling along just behind him.

"What are friends for, right?" The red head replied with a grin, the casual tone he used not quite matching the real sentiments which the soldier could see swimming within his sea-green eyes.

For the next couple of hours they sat within their usual booth and chatted, the meal being simply an excuse to sit down while they talked and offer occasional moments of quiet when they both needed a minute or two to think about what had been said. Slowly Reno began to understand why Zack was so reluctant to talk about Cloud's past and had to agree that they were indeed the cadet's secrets to share, the few bits he did learn about it only reinforcing his earlier thoughts about the blonde's problems.

With each revelation he was reminded of deep enraged sapphire eyes glowing threateningly in front of him, of fiery rage that burned in dark blue depths where shadows lie and years of anger and pain had been stored away. As a result he was barely containing the emotions which ran through him while the soldier spoke of the incident where Cloud had fallen in the mountains, his own fury at how the town's people had reacted now bubbling just beneath the surface of his skin and making it itch with the need to act. It didn't seem right that they had blamed the cadet for what had happened, the incident painting a very clear picture of how the blonde had been seen and treated back home, and explained a lot about why he'd learnt to be so guarded against the world.

Zack's descriptions about the various forms of abuse Cloud had endured since joining ShinRa was not a surprise to the red head, his own past experiences making the revelations sadly very believable. What irritated him however was how the verbal cruelty had become worse for the cadet, how the spiteful words and tormenting digs had led to physical injuries as time went on. Sadly the Turk could still remember his own share of teasing and unpleasant comments in the early days, times when he hadn't met Zack yet and it felt like there was always someone else ready to make a joke at his expense. But at no point had the mockery become so offensive as to destroy his self-confidence, the ribbing he'd got from the other trainees being mild and tolerable in comparison to what the blonde had been through.

Then, just as if someone had flicked a switch in his head, Reno began to realise why Cloud had started to feel as if he would never be happy. The attempt to escape his troubled life at home only leading to more problems here, the hope of starting over being destroyed before it was even given a chance to be born, and the dreams which the cadet had held to dearly becoming shattered as each verbal and physical blow was laid upon him. It was with this realisation that the red head began to understand why the blonde had become so defensive and angry with the world, but most of all he now knew why Cloud had eventually broken under the strain and done something so drastic to try and end it all. And suddenly Reno found himself being even more grateful to the fates for allowing him to meet the soldier, the friendship which had formed between them making even those small miseries he'd experienced as a younger Turk bearable until they had eventually stopped altogether.

The revelation about Cloud's attempted goodbye and insistence on being punished drew the exact same reaction from the red head as it had done from the soldier, his arguing words being almost an echo of the ones Zack had tried to use at the time. Reno had even huffed in annoyance and promised to speak to the blonde about his foolish ideas, that was until the soldier had explained things a little more including the talk with Angeal and how his own letter had led to Cloud being more open about these things. With a reluctant sigh the Turk had bent under Zack's insistencies to let the matter go, the puppy dog eyes which pleaded with him not to drag up old issues making him agree not to lecture the blonde next time they met.

He did have to admit however, that even though both soldier and cadet had overreacted to the situation something good had come from the incident. Not only were the pair talking more openly about their thoughts and feelings, but also helping each other to face painful pasts as they worked towards building a better future together. It was more than Reno could have hoped for at that point in time and so he didn't argue the incident anymore, his apparent acceptance of the situation helping to ease some of the soldier's unspoken concerns as well. It was only once Zack had finished sharing what he could that the red head saw how tired yet at ease the soldier appeared, the emotional rollercoaster which the pair had been on for the past few days clearly visible in his worn-out but happier expression.

"I'd say you guys have had quite a week." Reno concluded, as he slumped back in his chair and let out a long slow breath.

"Yea, it's been ... interesting." Zack agreed with a tired smile, his lavender eyes meeting with the Turk's sea-green ones as he spoke again. "Which is why I want tonight to be a fun and relaxed event for him." He added with a more serious tone. "He hasn't experienced this kind of thing before and I want him to enjoy it, to see that it's ok to kick back and have a laugh." The soldier explained, his words slowly making the red head see what the real intention behind the poker night was.

"You want him to feel like he has friends and people he can trust, don't you?" Reno asked, the question only needing a silent nod from Zack to confirm the answer he already knew would be given. "Alright, I guess we'd better get our butts into gear then or nothing's going to get done." The Turk added, his body already rising from the booth so that he could pay for the meal before they left.

"Thanks Reno. I appreciate it, all of it." The soldier offered, once the bill was settled and they were heading out of the front door.

"Yea, well, I'm sure I owe you in some way already so consider us a little more even now." The red head sighed, as they made their way back down the street towards the shop where they could buy a new alarm clock for Zack's apartment.

"Oh, speaking of owing." The soldier hesitantly spoke up, a sheepish look suddenly appearing on his boyish features as their eyes met again. "Kunsel said to remind you that you still owed him from last time."

Zack didn't miss the faint groan which escaped Reno's mouth at his words, or the soft curses which followed it, and chuckled softly to himself as he added a quick stop at the bank to their ever increasing list of things to do.


	46. Chapter 46: Hopes and Fears

**I know I said it would be a while before I updated again, but I honeslty didn't think it would be this long. ****Once again I can only apolgise for the delay and thank you for being so patient with me. **

**The late posting is completely my own fault although I would love to blame something/someone else so I won't feel so bad about it. The truth is my return flight was cancelled and I had to wait another day for an alternative one, which meant that I didn't get the day of rest between getting home and going back to class which I had planned for. I probably should have just taken a day or two off but stupidly carried on as if I could handle it and as a result threw my sleep pattern straight out the window and caused the jet lag to last a lot longer than it should have. And to top it off I came home to confirmation of an exam on the 18th June, which I had sort of forgotten about, so have been buried in books trying to prepare for it ever since.**

**Sigh, excusses aside now and I'll let you get on with reading this. Sorry again and I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

**Hopes and Fears**

Cloud growled with frustration and blew out the next breath of air, his shoulders almost slumping forward save for the fact they were so tense that was impossible. His whole day had been like this, a steadily growing tightness spreading throughout his entire body and the cadet knew exactly what was causing it.

Already his mind was a whirlwind of hopes and fears about what that evening would bring, the less then comfortable idea that tonight he would be forced to mingle with people he hardly knew. Silently the blonde ranted at Zack again, the irritated voice within his head indirectly cursing the soldier for his charming ways and honey coated tongue for making the gathering sound like such a good idea. The only problem was that Cloud did not like these kind of events, the very thought alone of being trapped in a room with strangers in itself enough to have him on edge. He had never been part of the crowd, never shared an evening with 'friends' that had been enjoyable, and as a result of such bad experiences was now only expecting the worst.

But even as his head was screaming that it was all wrong, that he should run and hide tonight until each one of them had gone, his heart was also begging him to trust Zack and try to see it through. The voices he was beginning to know so well were once again raging a war within him, as they fought to push through memories of a past filled with hurt, disappointment and betrayal so that something new, brighter and more enjoyable could be found. After all, the soldier wouldn't have arranged this to deceive him like that, wouldn't torment him like so many others had done before with false promises of friendship. No, Cloud was sure of it, because they were already more than friends and Zack only had his best interest at heart. At least that's what he kept telling himself.

Angeal watched as the cadet made another incorrect movement in his defensive manoeuvre, the arch of the blade he held being incorrectly aligned and his body clearly unbalanced. A second later and he had to hold back a huff of displeasure as Cloud tripped over his own feet and fell, the blonde's normally skilled and perfectly controlled form going down like a sack of potatoes and hitting the crash mat beneath him hard. The resounding muffled cry of irritation he heard was almost a match to the one he felt burn within him, his troubled gaze watching as the cadet's tightly closed fist angrily smacked the plastic surface below him to show that Cloud was also very much aware and annoyed by his countless errors that afternoon.

Taking a deep breath the commander closed his eyes for a moment and rolled his shoulders to throw off some of the tension there, his instincts telling him that the cadet would not open up about anything if he approached the issue with his own frustration visible. And clearly there was an issue at the root of this, because the blonde was more than a little distracted by something, the performance he was seeing leaving little doubt in his mind that Cloud had something weighing heavily on his own. Opening his eyes again Angeal watched in silence as the cadet pushed himself into a sitting position, his heightened senses taking in as much information as they could before he spoke so that the right thing would be said.

It was clear to see that the blonde was tired, his delicate features revealing both the flush of forced exertion and the paleness of exhaustion because of it. There were also telltale signs of dark smudges beginning to form under Cloud's eyes, the faint shadowing beneath the drained pools of blue letting him know that whatever was troubling the cadet was not being helped by an obvious lack of sleep. In his mind there was only one reason for the cadet to be so unfocused, no make that one person who could cause such an obvious distraction within an individual, and that was Zack. Sighing heavily the commander began to make his way over towards the blonde who had yet to stand again, instantly taking in how the cadet was now curling himself up in something of a ball shape with his thin arms wrapping tightly around his knees and holding them firmly against his chest. It was the bowed head however which bothered him the most, the way Cloud had chosen to bury his face into the hollow in front of his chest which the position had created, as the blonde physically tried to hide from whatever was mentally bothering him.

"Cloud." He began, the words he'd been about to say dying as he saw the cadet flinch at hearing his own name being spoken.

For a minute nothing happened and the commander stood speechlessly looking down at the young man at his feet, the need to say something burning within him even as he picked up on all the blonde's vibes which said to leave it alone. But Angeal was not a man to walk away from a problem, especially if it involved his puppy and now Cloud as well, and so he drew a steadying breath before starting again.

"I know you do not like to talk about things, but clearly something is troubling you and I am ... worried."

"I'm sorry." Was the slightly muffled reply, the cadet's head remaining in place even as he responded to the commander's words. "I know I'm making mistakes today and I'm sorry."

"There is no need to be sorry, everyone has an ... off day now and then."

The small sound which he heard come from the cadet could have almost been a snort of amusement, but with Cloud's head still firmly pressed into his own protective embrace it was hard to tell.

"May I sit beside you?" Angeal enquired gently, his desperate need to know what was wrong thankfully being hidden by the friendly tone he managed to use when asking.

The cadet's head slowly came up and instantly two pools of blue connected with soft chocolate brown, the emotions which were swimming within the depths for once not hidden away and now exposed for the commander to see clearly. And all Angeal could do was silently curse as he saw the range of feelings being revealed, his heart skipping a beat at the poorly concealed uncertainty and fear which was now present within the confused and concerned look he was being given.

"Cloud, has someone ... hurt you?"

"No, no one's hurt me. I swear." The cadet stammered, the sapphire orbs widening in surprise as he hurried to correct some sort of misunderstanding which had arisen from his behaviour. "I'm just ... I'm just not focused, that's all."

Kneeling on the mat the commander knew what he had to say next, the words pausing briefly so that the nervous blonde would have time to accept the closeness of his new position. "Then may I ask what has you so unfocused?"

"It's stupid." Cloud replied with a heavy sigh, his body curling in on itself a little more, but thankfully this time with his chin resting on his knees rather than hiding away again. "And I shouldn't be letting it interfere with my training."

"The fact that whatever is bothering you is interfering with our session, tells me it is not stupid." Angeal began, his position shifting again so that he now sat in a more relaxed way beside the blonde. "I have been around long enough to know when someone is troubled by something and is trying to ignore it, when they think that their problems are foolish and instead of talking about it struggle to push them aside."

For a few seconds neither spoke and the commander patiently waited as the cadet looked at him uncertainly, the desire to say something very clear in the blonde's eyes even as he hesitated to do so.

"Zack has some friends coming round tonight." Cloud finally admitted, the explanation quickly being followed by the release of a deep breath he'd been holding. "He wants me to get to know them and I guess it's ... it's ..."

"It's bothering you." Angeal offered helpfully, as he finally began to understand some of the cadet's troubles.

"Yes." The blonde agreed reluctantly, his expression now looking a little guilty as he spoke again "I ... I haven't had much luck with ... friends before, they ... they don't tend to be what you ... expect."

"And you fear it will be the same again this time."

"I guess." Cloud admitted softly, his downcast gaze letting the commander know it was in fact a certainty.

"Zack's friends, while sometimes questionable in their behaviour, are all good people. For all the trouble they sometimes get themselves into their actions are never cold, cruel or immoral." Angeal had to acknowledge, the happy yet solemn sigh which followed his words making Cloud turn back towards him with a questioning look in his eyes. "They have also calmed down a lot in the past year, the things they do now being no less ... entertaining, but at least happening a little less frequently than before."

"Before what?" Was the softly spoken reply.

There was an obvious pause before the question was answered, the hesitation being almost a pre-warning of the words which were spoken. "I worry that the reason will upset you, that while the truth is needed to help you understand you will not actually be comforted to hear it."

Cloud opened his mouth to argue the commander's statement, his head coming up fully from its resting place to allow the protesting words to be let free, when suddenly he stopped and his lips slowly closed again. There was something within the warm brown orbs which held his own sapphire eyes, a flicker of light which was trying to tell him something, the deep rich colour communicating a request to be heard and silently hoping that it would in some way be accepted.

"I can't promise that I won't react badly to what you tell me." The cadet breathed, his shoulders slumping forward in some form of internal defeat. "But I promise to listen and think about what you are saying before I respond."

"That seems fair enough." Angeal noted gently, as he accepted the conditions which had been set and began to explain. "Zack was never a trouble maker as such, but he had a habit of doing things which at times bordered on the insane or suicidal depending on who you spoke to."

"He what?" Cloud gasped, the slight tremble in his voice showing that he'd started to get the wrong idea already.

"I'm not saying he was careless, just that sometimes he didn't always think about what he was doing. Or if he did he certainly didn't consider the outcome of his actions beyond the initial effect." The commander corrected quickly, his heart clenching as he saw the panic in the cadet's eyes and realised that his previous choice of wording had probably been a bad one. "What I mean is that he often acted on instinct rather than forethought and that there were times when he got away with it by the skin of his teeth."

"Are you talking about during training, on missions or the pranks he pulled?" The blonde asked uncertainly, the idea of the soldier being so impulsive while on assignment bothering him greatly.

"All of the above I'm afraid." Was the gentle reply, as Angeal tried to ease Cloud's obvious concern by focusing more on the stunts Zack had pulled in the past. "You already know what he and Reno got up to, the trouble they caused us over the years."

Cloud only nodded his head to show that yes he was aware of the many various incidents, a fact which the commander already knew because he'd also been present when they had been described to him.

"Well consider what you know about him back then, from what you've heard, and compare it to the man you know now. Do they seem like exactly the same person?"

It only took the cadet a minute to think about it and shake his head silently to communicate that they were not, the numerous similarities which he could see between the soldier of the past and the one he currently knew still not quite matching up enough to create the same person.

"But why did he change?" Cloud asked with some hesitation, his soft voice sounding almost pained as he spoke.

"Do you recall how you were when Zack first meet you?" Angeal began, the question seeming like a good one in his head but in fact causing the cadet to instantly jump to the wrong conclusion.

"So he changed because of me." Cloud breathed softly, an indescribable sadness working its way through his body as he began to blame himself for damaging the soldier in such a way.

The smile on Angeal's face slipped and he immediately grew more serious, the look on his rugged features still trying to appear light and friendly while the emotions within his eyes changed to something else.

"Zack did not change because of you, at least not in the way you fear." The commander explained, the cadet's expression of anguish and self-loathing making him worry about what the blonde was now thinking. "I admit that he calmed who he was for you, adapted his personality so that he could become the support you needed, but it was not a bad thing."

"But that means I did change him ... that he became something else because of me ... because of what I did." The blonde stated almost desolately, his voice so faint now that it was barely a whisper in the quiet room.

A heavy sigh echoed around them as the commander's silent fears were confirmed, his eyes silently scolding Cloud for having such thoughts as he began to try and explain something which he was unsure he should even be talking about. But seeing the lingering internal hate and confusion which now filled those innocent sapphire orbs he knew there was no other way, the truth he needed the blonde to see and accept involving the explanation of a painful past incident which was not really his to share.

"I love Zack as if he were my own son and his very presence in my life has given me the gift of being something I never thought I could be." Angeal explained, his voice becoming softer and a little wistful as he spoke. "But at the same time it has subjected me to things which I believe I would never have been blessed or cursed to experience without him. You're presence in our lives, though eventful to say the least, has proved to be one of the more pleasurable experiences."

"I don't understand." Cloud admitted faintly, his head a whirlwind of thoughts which refused to piece themselves together and make any sense of what was being said.

"Zack was always my pup... my student, he was a boy trying to be a man in an adult's world and because of our bond he had a harder time doing so than most. Oh, don't get me wrong..." The commander quickly added, as Cloud's expression became a little shocked and his pale lips opened to begin some form of protest to what was being said. "In many ways it was my own fault, trying to protect him from the harshness of reality while he continued to strive for greatness in the world. It allowed him to hold on to that bright youthful innocence in him, something, which in truth I was also unwilling to let go of." Angeal sighed, the truth he was now sharing freely with the cadet being something he still refused to admit out loud to anyone else. "But then one day it was ripped away from both of us in a way that neither he, nor I, had been ready for and it changed him in a way I could never have prepared for." The commander admitted sadly, his warm brown orbs now appearing haunted by the very past he was describing to the blonde. "I regret how I let that happen, how it broke the very part of him I had been trying so hard to protect. I honestly began to think that he would never truly recover from it, that he would never let someone get that close to him again, at least until you came along and made it possible."

"Kyle." Cloud breathed as he suddenly understood, the one word slipping out as barley a whisper yet halting their conversation as if he had shouted it at the top of his lungs.

"Yes." Angeal finally managed, his chocolate coloured eyes now looking at the cadet in a whole new light. "He told you about him?"

Fearing that he might say too much about such a personal matter the blonde only nodded in silence once more, as he held the questioning gaze being directed at him. However the lack of verbal reply was easily given a voice within his sky blue eyes and clearly let the commander know it was a topic they should not be discussing right now, but that perhaps it would be one they could return to another time. To this Angeal nodded his own form of understanding and grateful acceptance, the subject being one he still wasn't sure how to address either and in turn making him wonder just how much of a chat he was going to have with Cloud soon.

"Before ... Kyle..." He began, the very name causing both of them to winch slightly as if the man himself might hear them talking about him. "... Zack was a normal teenager full of excitement and a love for life. He would still be cheeky in his own special way, but it was never cocky or overconfident, and he always knew that he had to work hard to be the best." Here the explanation halted and a heavy sigh was heard once more, an almost pained sound now as the commander looked away and focused on something far off and in a place where Cloud could never hope to see it. "I admit it was hard on him and my over-protectiveness probably didn't help with the teasing, but I saw something in him which held such greatness I just couldn't let it go unguided, unchallenged, or unprotected."

"But I thought he had Reno to help him?"

"He did." Angeal agreed with a soft snort of amusement, his eyes sparkling as he briefly reflected back on those times. "And however much I grumble about the trouble the pair got into, once they became friends, I wouldn't have had it any other way."

"He encouraged Zack's ... wilder side?"

A heartfelt chuckle filled the air and the blonde had his response even before it was given words. "You could say that."

"Did they really do all of those things, I mean..." Cloud blushed, his cheeks warming as he tried to ask the question. "...they weren't just exaggerating to show off, were they?"

"No, if anything they were very honest and reserved with some of their tales."

"So, Reno wasn't a good influence on Zack?"

"That's the polite way of putting it."

"Then why did you let then become friends?"

It was a good question and a few years ago Angeal had found himself asking it many times over, especially when he was called to Sephiroth's office to deal with yet another indent involving his student. Yet now the answer was safely logged away in his heart, the truth of the matter cemented in place when he realised how much the red head had helped his puppy through the pain when he hadn't been able too.

"I admit that I had my doubts at first, but as I said before they have been good for each other. I would never tell him this, and you will not breathe a word of it either, but in his own way Reno was a blessing in disguise."

The confused look in those sapphire gems said it all, the blue discs widening a little more as a small mouth opened and closed soundlessly trying to find the words which were needed.

"For all the problems Reno's presence brought they also brought peace, they gave Zack someone his own age to hang around with and Gaia forgive me but also be someone I could trust to keep him safe. Their pranks may have caused trouble but were never intentionally harmful or malicious and, dare I say it, some of the individuals who suffered at their hands were perhaps slightly deserving as well."

If possible those ocean coloured pools became even wider in shock at such a revelation, except this time the lips didn't flap quietly like a fish but developed into a faint smile as the expression softened to one of understanding.

"You couldn't support their actions, but didn't exactly disagree with all of them either." Cloud guessed, his mouth curving up a little more as the commander smiled brightly and bowed his head in silent agreement of the statement. "What happened to him Angeal? How ... how did it ... change him, to go through that?" The cadet asked sadly, as his tiny smile slipped a little again.

"It was as if a piece of him had been cut away and there was nothing I could do to fix it, no way to heal the injury which had been made and repair the damage which had been done." The commander managed, his voice having become a little strained as he fought his own emotions and tried to keep the explanations as neutral as possible. "He still did his job and trained with unquestionable skill but ..."

"But the love for life was gone." Cloud guessed, his heart aching to imagine such a thing even being possible.

"Yes, that's exactly what it was like." Angeal breathed, a faint smile ghosting over his rugged features as he showed the cadet he was pleased that they understood each other. "He didn't become a shell of a man like some would, yet he still became a little lost and his view on life seemed to shift from the glass half full attitude we all knew him for to one of the glass being half empty."

"We?" The cadet managed, as his chest tightened a little more in response to the words .

"By this point in their lives Zack and Reno had been more than accepted for who they were and both had many friends within both soldier and Turk ranks." The commander informed him, a happy sigh and shake of his head only leaving the blonde even more confused until he spoke again. "In fact, every time I think about it I now wonder if the more stable relationship there is between the two groups is a result of their doing more than the elders who are supposed to lead them."

"What do you mean?"

"Not so long ago Turks and Soldiers did not get along, they were Shinra's spies and assassins and we were their armed forces. Neither would go up against the other, but then again neither would openly socialise with the other either."

"Why?"

"You have used that word many times tonight Cloud." Angeal huffed with a hint of irritation, an apologetic look quickly following the words as he realised that his bad mood was in fact due to the discussion they were having and not the cadet himself. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I just find these things hard to talk about, a problem which I believe you can understand."

"Yes." Cloud offered weakly, his face remaining low where it had hidden after the commander's initial outburst.

"Let's just say we disagreed on certain issues and it caused underlying tension between the groups." Angeal offered, as he chose to ignore the way the cadet was once again curled up defensively beside him. "Being who they were it was no surprise that Zack and Reno completely ignored their superiors in favour of making their own decisions, the resulting friendship indirectly bringing a certain amount of unity with it as well."

"Because you and Tseng were drawn together while dealing with their problems?" The blonde added, as he opened up a little.

"Exactly. Those two had the ability to create both war and peace within these halls and somewhere along the line it united the two groups to a more tolerable level of understanding."

"So all of you helped him, when he was losing his faith?"

Cloud knew that the half question half statement had pained the commander by the way his saddened brown orbs suddenly closed and the next breath became a sharp intake of air. But before he could offer an apology Angeal opened his eyes again and met his own with a firm and emotionally filled look, the kind which showed that this time had not only been hard on Zack but also the people around him.

"I tried my best to help him, but as a father figure there was only so much I could do. In truth his ... recovery was because of those closest to him now, to the ones he calls his best friends above all else."

"You mean Reno and Kunsel." Cloud guessed, a few small pieces of the puzzle finally clicking into place and confirming his earlier suspicions that the other soldier had not been assigned to watch over him during his punishment by accident.

"That is correct as well as another young Turk by the name of Cissnei, whom I believe you have not yet had the pleasure of meeting."

"Was she ... was she the one who watched over me that time when Zack went out?" The cadet hesitated to ask, his insides already telling him he knew the answer to his own question even as it was spoken.

"Indeed she was." Angeal confirmed with a soft smile. "It was Reno's idea at the time, but I believe Zack would not have entrusted your care with any other."

"Did they ... I mean were any of them ever... you know ...?" The blonde mumbled uncomfortably.

"No, they weren't. Cissnei is like a little sister to all of them, but don't let that fool you. She has a heart of gold that girl, yet can just as easily remove yours from your chest before you had time to blink."

"That's ... disturbing." The blonde muttered, more to himself than anyone else.

"Indeed. But it's that attitude which got through to Zack, and paved the way for Reno and Kunsel to do the rest, and for that I will always be gratefully to her."

"They're the ones who are coming round tonight." Cloud noted after taking a deep breath, his body slowly uncurling and appearing to be more relaxed than it had been before.

"Let me guess, poker night?" Angeal said, his eyes rolling a little as be began to rise to his feet.

"How did you know?"

"It's something they do quiet regularly, or at least did until Kunsel was sent on his assignment. It makes sense that they would get together again after so long."

"So all of this is ... normal, something they would have done anyway? He's not doing it to deliberately make me meet people?"

"Oh I have no doubt that Zack did it with that intention in mind as well but yes, this would probably have happened regardless of your presence or not."

Cloud's response was so low and spoken with such a deep grumble that the commander was unable to hear it clearly, but the slight flushing of the cadet's cheeks as he shifted uncomfortably let him know it was probably best that he had missed it.

"Come on. I believe you have had enough for today." Angeal noted gently, his large hand reaching out to offer the blonde assistance in getting up as well.

"I'm fine, really." Cloud protested, as he took the limb without even thinking about it and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. "I was just distracted before, but now I'm ok."

The commander smiled in a light-hearted but still scolding way, as he silently let the blonde know he very much doubted that was the case. It was clear to see that while the unease and slight traces of fear had now been reduced greatly within the cadet's eyes he still appeared tired, the lingering emotions clouded by obvious fatigue from both the mental and physical exhaustion of the day.

"Had you been assigned paper work or weapons assessment today I might have believed you." Angeal began, his large warm hand releasing its hold on Cloud's smaller one and indirectly making them both aware of how freely he had taken it before. "But I saw you running laps and doing sets out there while the others trained, so I know the Sergeant had you working out all afternoon even if you weren't joining in."

"It was just laps and stuff, nothing hard." The cadet protested weakly, his fingers slowly curling round to run over each other and the palm of his hand which had been held only moments ago. "I'm not that tired." He added absentmindedly, as he suddenly found himself wondering what it meant that he had accept the commander's hand so quickly without thought or fear.

"Perhaps you do not feel tired but you look it and if you are going to be in any state to enjoy tonight I believe some rest is in order first." Angeal noted gently, his attention now also focused on the way Cloud had begun to study his own hand.

"Is it really going to be that bad?" The cadet found himself asking, his soft voice sounding concerned once again as he let the over studied limb fall to his side and finally looked up to meet the commander's concerned gaze.

"Do you know how to play poker?" Angeal asked, the question seeming a little odd to the blonde who shook his head in response and waited to see where the link would be made. "Then I will bless you with three pieces of wisdom to prepare you for later." The commander offered as he bent to retrieve the practice sword from where Cloud had left it on the floor and began to make his way over to the storage racks to put it away. "First, tell them you don't know how to play. Trust me the game is much more enjoyable when you know what you're doing. Plus I'm pretty sure they will all love the idea of teaching someone your age something as potentially corrupting and inappropriate as how to gamble."

Here even he had to stop and chuckle softly as Cloud giggled lightly, the sound being almost foreign to the young man in front of him but still a very pleasant thing to hear.

"Secondly ..." He began, as he led the more relaxed blonde across the room to collect their things. "Don't rely on just your cards to win a game, watch their behaviours and look for anything which gives them away."

"What do you mean?" Cloud asked, his attention no longer focused on their shortened session but instead on the advice he was being given as the commander opened the door for him and he stepped through the space created.

"In poker people sometimes have 'tells' little habits or responses which give away if they have good cards or are bluffing. It means they are pretending they have a good hand if you like." He added when a blonde eyebrow raised questioningly at the word.

"Ok." Cloud agreed, as they made their way out of the main building and started to head across the compound towards home. "What was the third thing?" He asked, the lighter tone helping Angeal to feel more confident in what he was about to say.

"Don't be afraid to talk to Zack about this, about how you are feeling. He can't read minds and won't understand you're reactions unless you tell him if things get too much. Instead he'll just guess and that could spoil the evening if he gets it wrong."

"I don't want to disappoint him, but its ... it's just hard to accept this so easily." Cloud admitted, his voice barely a whisper as they passed the last building and the soldier apartments finally came into sight. "I think I'm ... afraid ... of getting hurt again."

"These are Zack's friends and apart from Cissnei you have already met the other two before. Do you really think, after everything we have spoken about, that they would hurt you?"

"No, but ... but when something happens often enough it's easier to believe that's the way it will always be." The cadet replied softly, his voice to distant and laced with pain that it cut through the commander's heart like a warm knife through butter.

"Perhaps that was how it was, but not anymore. They are good people and Zack would not be who he is today if not for them. Remember that every time you feel nervous or unsure around them and it should help a little."

"Thank you." Cloud replied faintly, a ghost of a smile returning to his angelic features as they stopped outside the large doors before parting company. "I will." And then he was entering the building and making his way towards the lifts alone, his retreating figure missing how Angeal quickly took a phone from his pocket and began to make a much needed phone call.


	47. Chapter 47: Learning something new

**Sorry for the wait. I got a little carried away with this chapter, as I tried to bring several different elements together, and because it became a bit too long I broke it into two instead. I've edited this part, to a point where I'm happy with it, and will post the next bit in a couple of days once I'm done tidying that up as well.**

**Hope you enjoy :o)**

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**Learning something new**

Cloud sighed happily as the hot water began to fall upon his head, as the warm liquid trailed down over his supple form washing away the dirty sweat and grin which had formed there after a gruelling afternoon on the field. Strangely though the cadet was not bothered by the aches and slight pains which plagued his weary limbs, the tight muscles only now beginning to relax as the artificial rain beat down on his tired body and created a vague form of massaging effect on the tender flesh.

The blonde knew that he'd pushed himself too hard that afternoon, that the workout he'd been assigned while the other cadet's had sparred was more than enough for one day. But stubborn pride and a fierce determination had forced him to still endure Angeal's training session afterwards, the thoughts which had still been running through his head at the time blinding him to the near exhaustion which had been lurking just beneath the surface.

Slowly the room began to fill with clouds of steam and the blonde felt himself start to relax a little more, tired sky blue eyes becoming hidden beneath delicate eyelashes as Cloud drew in a deep calming breath before releasing it as a long controlled exhale of air. It was only now that he could appreciate the commander's concern for his health, as the hot spray of water helped to cleanse his body and sooth his mind, and understood why the man had chosen to bring their session to an early end. But it was not only his physical wellbeing that Angeal had been concerned about, the more experienced warrior seeing that the cadet wasn't just in need of rest but also a friendly ear to confide in. And if Cloud was going to be honest with himself then he had needed someone to talk to, a voice of reason to help him sort through the raging thoughts within his head so that the hopes and fears would be given order amongst the chaos there.

Taking another slow deep breath the blonde focused on the outcome of their conversation, the things which the commander had said not only being a comfort but also good words of advice. Of course that advice was only useful if there was someone to actually practice it with, the soldier's absence when he had returned home making the chance for the cadet to talk about his feelings impossible. Yet Cloud couldn't be upset about his dashed hopes, the small note he'd found on the breakfast bar letting him know exactly where Zack had gone and that if anything the soldier had intended to be back before him but was sorry if he wasn't. The memory of reading that line made Cloud smile happily, the stumbling words on the paper showing that Zack had literally written what he was thinking at the time and letting the cadet know that the words had come straight from the heart. With a tired but happy sigh Cloud pushed his stumbling thoughts away and reached out for the shampoo, his fingers closing around the bottle and working on a lazy form of autopilot as he began to wash his hair.

Twenty minutes later and the blonde had finished showering and was dry, his lithe frame now dressed in casual combat trousers and a baggy t-shirt as he sat in front of the TV waiting for the soldier's return. His intention had been to put off taking the nap Angeal had suggested until after Zack was home again, to help the soldier get the apartment ready and maybe even talk about his worries before the others arrived. The only problem with this plan was that it involved passing the time with a mindless activity while resting on a very comfortable surface, the relaxing effect of the shower now making Cloud's already tired body feel the need for rest even more than it had done before. Soon the real world began to fade away from the cadet as he gradually slid into a lying down position on the sofa, his heavy eyelids failing miserably to fight the sandman's pull as the sound of the film being shown eventually lulled him into a deep and much needed sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Zack hadn't been expecting Cloud to be home until nearly seven that night, knowing that Angeal would be meeting him for a training session and working through something with the blonde after his class. He was therefore glad that the commander had phoned to let him know about the unexpected early end to the session, the kindly spoken warning informing him that the cadet was more than just a little bit tired should he try to argue otherwise. There was also a hint that Cloud might want to talk to him about something, a suggestion that it would be advisable to give the blonde some time to explain his concerns about the planned evening event. It was therefore with these things in mind that the soldier hurried home as quickly as possible, his head already a whirlwind of thoughts as he considered what Cloud probably wanted to talk about and how he would also convince the cadet to at least try and get some rest before the others arrived.

It didn't talk long for them to get back and once they reached the apartment Zack opened the door and hesitated at the threshold, his mako enhanced hearing straining to listen out for any signs of movement within before they entered. What greeted him however was the faint sound of the TV and nothing more, the lack of activity inside or friendly voice to acknowledge his presence and welcome him home giving the soldier a strong feeling that Cloud was already asleep. With an unspoken signal to Reno to keep quiet the pair quickly made their way inside and then down the short corridor towards the living room, each man moving like a shadow as they silently placed the various items on the breakfast bar and then took in the sight of the peacefully slumbering blonde on the sofa.

"Cute." The red head whispered, his soft expression showing that this time he was not teasing when he said it.

And in truth the soldier couldn't help but agree with the simple description, the way Cloud's small frame was now curled up so innocently on the soft material with his hands held loosely against his chest and the gently balled fists tucked up just beneath his chin.

"Yea, he sure is." Zack replied affectionately as he turned off the TV, the rolling of Reno's sea-green eyes making him blush for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

Just then the cadet in front of them began to stir, his gentle movements and faint sounds of waking making both soldier and Turk feel a little guilty for perhaps disturbing him. It was clear to see that the blonde was tired, the slightly paler skin than normal being drawn across his features and the faint shadowing beneath his eyes revealing that he did indeed need to rest as Angeal had warned.

"Zack?" Cloud asked faintly, his senses telling him that the soldier was there even as his mind struggled to break free of the fog which filled it.

"Yea, it's me." Zack instantly soothed, as he hurried to kneel beside the cadet's steadily waking form. "But just ignore us and go back to sleep, ok." He ordered gently, as the blonde's eyelids blinked a few times and dazed blue orbs tried to focus on him.

"Us?" Cloud questioned softly, as the soldier's fingers began to gently move across his brow brushing a few stray hairs away from his eyes so that the sky blue spheres could see more clearly.

"Yea us, Reno and me." Zack replied soothingly, his heart warming even more as the cadet relaxed back against the sofa again and offered up a small but radiant and completely trusting smile to him. "You ok?" The soldier asked tenderly, the glazed sapphire gems which now looked up at him instantly making his insides flutter.

"Just tired." The blonde breathed, his lips curving up a little more as he lent into the touch which now affectionately stroked his cheek.

While this was going on Reno had remained standing to one side and out of the way, his own face holding a joyous expression as he watched the two interact. There was no denying that Cloud had looked adorable while he slept, but now with the pair combined it was almost sickeningly sweet and the red head knew he wouldn't have it any other way. He watched with a sense of triumph as the previously withdrawn and defensive cadet actually lent into Zack's touch, as the blonde gently nuzzled the soldier's hand causing the palm to open and cup his face even more than it already was.

For a moment the Turk noticed Zack's hesitation in his actions, almost as if he was also a little surprised by Cloud's response and unsure how to react. But then the soldier's fingers began to move again, the tips carefully gliding over the smooth skin as they traced the cadet's delicate features with a very obvious loving caress. Once again the blonde responded positively to the touch, his tired blue eyes slowly closing again as Zack's hand began to run through his tousled golden spikes causing him to release a faint but clearly contented sigh.

"You should have laid down on the bed." The soldier scolded gently, his reassuring caresses never once ceasing as he spoke. "It would have been more comfortable to sleep there."

"I didn't mean to fall asleep." Cloud managed before a yawn escaped him, his voice slowly becoming thick and heavy with sleep. "I wanted to help you get ready for later."

"You don't need to worry about that." Zack replied smiling happily, the pliant blonde in front of him making his heart beat happily within his chest. "Reno can help me set up while you rest."

"Are you sure?" The cadet murmured softly, the world of dreams slowly drawing him back towards it again.

"Yea, so just relax. Ok?"

"Ok." Cloud agreed faintly, his mumbled reply showing that his consciousness was even further away from them now.

This time Zack didn't reply with words, his hands continuing to work their magic until the blonde's gentle breathing had evened out again and his heart rate had settled into a slow peaceful rhythm. He then slid his arms under the cadet's supple body and carefully lifted him up, his strong arms easily holding Cloud's weight as he carried him bridal style towards the bedroom where he would be more comfortable.

Reno watched in silence as the pair disappeared into Zack's room, his heart rate increasing as he realised how naturally and almost instinctively the transfer from sofa to bed had been made. At no point had the soldier hesitated in his choice of direction, his purposeful strides leading him towards his own room and not the spare one where surely the cadet should have been placed. It only took his mind a moment to realise that there were clearly things which Zack had failed to mention in their talk earlier, his previous teasing comment about Cloud being a bitter and Zack's reaction now having more significance than before. He waited patiently for the soldier to return and the bedroom door to be shut before he spoke again, his words coming out as more of a statement than a question but still needing some sort of clarification or explanation as they were spoken.

"So you share a bed now."

Zack froze and even with his body only half facing the Turk it was clear to see that he was suddenly tense and weary, the air no longer entering his lungs as he held his breath, as nervous amethyst spheres slowly looked up to meet serious turquoise orbs.

"It's not like that." The soldier finally managed to say, his voice barely a whisper as he tried to protest the implication of the red head's words.

"Oh, I see." Reno began, his expression aiming for blank but his turquoise eyes glowing with a joyful light. "Then what is it like?" He asked calmly, his attempt to seem unaffected by the discovery failing miserably as his lips quirked up at the edges.

"We just sleep together, and I mean sleep as in sleep not ... well ... you know." Zack tried to explain, his floundering words at the end falling away into inaudible mumbles and then eventually silence as his cheeks darkened.

"Ok, I believe you." The Turk replied calmly, the soldier's clearly embarrassed state making him feel generous about not dragging the teasing out any further. "But how did it happen? I mean, he had his own room to start with. Right?"

"The first time was a sort of accident. No, not an accident, that's wrong." Zack corrected, an amused sigh escaping his lips as he moved towards the kitchen area and tried to find the right words. "It just sort of happened one night and then after that it somehow felt wrong to be apart, to sleep without being beside each other."

Reno wasn't really sure how to reply as he felt the words sink in, his heart flip-flopping with both joy at hearing such a thing but also fear of how quickly the two had become so close. It was with great restraint that he kept the doubting thoughts trapped deep down inside, the worries about Cloud's problems and how they would affect Zack still bubbling away within him even though it was clear that things were getting better.

"You should probably know that Cissnei had her suspicions about this." The red head pointed out, his statement causing the soldier to stop sorting through the bags in front of him and look up with wide questioning eyes. "She sort of worked out which room he was in that night she watched over him and asked me about it."

"What did you say?" Zack found himself asking, the need to know who else knew now burning a hole deep inside of him and starting to fill it with emotions all related to panic and the need to protect Cloud.

"Chill soldier boy." Reno soothed, as he moved over to help Zack finish the job he'd started and create a distraction to the worry he could see forming in those concerned violet orbs. "She only spoke to me about it and I told her I didn't know why he was in there."

"Did she believe you?" The soldier mumbled, his hands shaking slightly as he began to place the sodas and other drinks in the fridge to keep them cool.

"Why wouldn't she? I mean, on this occasion it was the truth." Reno pointed out, the slight edge to his words letting Zack know that he'd indirectly offended his friend by not telling him.

"I'm sorry Reno, I didn't mean to keep it from you." The soldier apologised, the Turk's back remaining towards him as he continued to speak. "It just sort of happened and then with everything else I wasn't sure how to tell you."

"You could have mentioned it earlier at the diner."

Zack winched as he heard the clipped tone in the red head's voice, the reply being a casual one yet also being an unspoken confirmation that he'd offended his friend.

"Should I have mentioned it before or after they took our order?" He asked lightly, his attempt at humour to break the tension between them having a small affect when Reno chuckled softly as he continued. "Or maybe I could have slipped it in when I asked you to pass the salt."

"Ok Fair, I get it." The Turk sighed, as he finally turned round to face the soldier again. "It's a personal thing and with you two still being new I guess you would want to keep it quiet." He conceded softly, the tightness in his voice easing away as he looked deep into Zack's eyes. "Just be careful and for Gaia's sake at least give me some warning about these things. Do you know how embarrassing it is for our little Cissnei to know something like this before I did?"

"I can imagine." Zack chuckled lightly, the playful pleading look in Reno's expression washing away the last of the tension between them. "I'm guessing she loved knowing something you didn't."

"Hell yea. That little angel of ours can be a real mean vixen when she wants to be."

"She's not that bad Reno." Zack sighed, as he moved to stand beside the red head and shifted through the bags again. "She just loves to push your buttons when she can, just like you do to her."

"Fine, I accept that we're as bad as each other." The Turk agreed, his reply being spoken with a kind of pride that turned the soldier's joyful smile into a big knowing grin. "At least I got to know about it before Kunsel." Reno aired thoughtfully, as he pulled the ice out of the bag and hurried to put it way before it melted any more than it already had. "When are you going to tell him anyway? I mean, it sort of seems wrong to keep him out of the loop but I get why you might want to."

It was at this point that the red head stopped talking and actually looked up at the soldier's face again, the guilty and apologetic look he was being given instantly letting him know that the other soldier already knew.

"Well shit." Reno swore, a few more choice words slipping from between his lips as he shook his head in disbelief. "Let me guess, he worked it out himself as well just like Cissnei?"

"Sort of." Zack confirmed, with a sheepish smile. "He was here one night when Cloud went to bed in the spare room and saw how much it bothered me. He sort of guessed there was more to us than just being friends and worked the rest out himself."

"You know it's actually a bit embarrassing to be the last to know about this, especially since we've talked the most about it all." Reno pointed out, a huff of mild annoyance following his words. "But I guess the important thing is that I know now and that you know we all support you in this, him and you."

"Thanks." The soldier whispered, his amethyst eyes shining with gratitude that the Turk had accepted the situation so well and not reacted badly to it. "And I'll try to let you know about stuff like this sooner, I promise."

"Good." Reno replied, his cheerful expression wavering for a second as a slight dusting of colour appeared on his own cheeks. "But you don't have to tell me everything, you know." He mumbled quickly, his sea-green eyes suddenly unable to meet the soldier's equally embarrassed ones. "I mean, I know I tease and all but I really don't need to be hearing about your ... uuuuummm ... more intimate moments."

"I got that." Zack murmured lightly, a faint chuckle escaping his lips and drawing one from the equally flustered red head as well.

After that things went a little more smoothly between them, the pair working quickly but quietly to clear the apartment and set up the table for their game later. Neither felt the need to go back over the conversation again as they worked, the things they did talk about being light-hearted and kept low so as not to disturb the sleeping blonde in the bedroom. Once everything was in place and arranged as much as it could be Reno left to get a few jobs done before returning later, his departure allowing the soldier to grab a quick shower and change his clothes into something a bit more comfortable for slouching around the house. It was only as he was about to turn the TV on to kill some time that Zack remembered Angeal's hint about Cloud needing to talk, the memory of those words instantly pulling him off the sofa and towards the bedroom.

Inside the darkened room he could easily make out the small lump beneath the covers, the lithe body he had placed there only a short time ago still safely cocooned within the warm sheets of their bed. Smiling brightly at the sight the soldier hesitated a moment before moving again, his need to hold the cadet and lie beside him outweighing the worry that he might end up waking the blonde with his actions. But thankfully Cloud remained asleep as Zack eased himself down onto the mattress, and carefully adjusted the covers over himself as well, his movements being deliberately slow so as not to startle the unconscious cadet with his presence.

It was only once he was settled comfortably that he dared to reach out and draw Cloud's smaller frame closer to his own, the cadet in turn letting out a small sound of contentment and snuggling in even closer once the initial contact had been made between them. And to this Zack couldn't help but smile with delight, the grin on his face reaching from ear to ear as he tightened the arm he had around the blonde's waist and pulled them even closer together.

"You're amazing." He whispered affectionately in Cloud's ear, a small muffled sound in response giving him reason to pause for a moment and let the cadet settle again. "Angeal phoned me earlier and said you might want to talk about something." The soldier confessed to the sleeping blonde, his heart skipping a beat as Cloud stirred slightly in his arms again but thankfully didn't wake up. "I think I know what you would say to me, or at least what you would try to tell me, and I want you to know that it's ok. I want you to get to know them like I do, but I know you're worried about it, that spending an evening with my friends is making you feel unsettled." Zack began, a brief kiss being placed upon the cadet's temple as he drew a steadying breath before continuing. "I'm going to be here the whole time so you don't need to be afraid, they're not like the other people that hurt you and I promise you'll have a good time. But if you do start to feel uncomfortable and it becomes too much then tell me, let me know how I can help."

Here the soldier couldn't help but release a faint sad sigh, his body shifting so that he could lightly run a hand along the soft skin of Cloud's bare arm in a soothing motion while his face gently nuzzled the blonde's shoulder and neck.

"I'm so happy that you're trusting me with this and I want you to know that I love you no matter what happens later. But if, at any point, you still feel the need to escape then I want you to know that that's ok as well." Zack managed, before a small lump blocked his throat for a moment and made the next part a little harder to say with a calm voice. "I want you to know that I'll understand if you need to get away from it all, that I won't stop you from running like I know you do, as long as you tell me first and promise to come back to me again afterwards."

As the words echoed softly in the room around them the soldier held his breath as if expecting a reply, the seconds ticking by in silence as the cadet continued to sleep soundly within his arms seemingly unaware of it all. And then, just as he had been about to give up, Zack got the answer he had been waiting for. It wasn't a verbal response to his words, the tired blonde in his arms still very much asleep and unable to give his thoughts and feelings words. But what the soldier did get was more revealing than any words could have been, the way Cloud's body suddenly became fully relaxed against him and a sigh of relief seemed to escape the cadet as the slight tension which had been present in his delicate frame melted away completely.

Smiling to himself Zack placed another chaste kiss on the blonde's temple, his lips lingering for a few seconds to give the moment a bit more depth and meaning after what had been said. He then settled his head back upon the pillow and drew Cloud's body against his own a little more, the embrace he held the blonde with being both firm and gentle as it tried to convey all that he was feeling without the use of words. And although the soldier couldn't see the brighter smile which had now formed on the cadet's face he could hear it, could feel and almost touch it, every time he heard Cloud's heart beat happily alongside his own.


	48. Chapter 48: Poker night

**Well here it is as promised, the second part of a very long chapter. I'm sorry to say it's still quite a long one considering and I did edit a bit more before posting it, but I just didn't feel comfortable breaking it up again.**

**Hopefully you'll still enjoy it and as always please review and let me know what you think.**

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**Poker night **

Zack was grateful that he had drifted off for a little while, the short nap he'd taken while laying by Cloud's side actually being quite refreshing even if it had been unintentional. He was also glad that he had managed to wake up just before the others arrived, the fact that he was already up and able to let them in meaning that the cadet wasn't disturb from his much needed rest. In truth he'd just been creeping out of their bedroom when the sound of someone knocking at the front door had drawn his attention, the soldier's body instantly tensing as he looked towards the sleeping blonde and waited for Cloud to react to the noise. But thankfully the cadet had remained sound asleep, his angelic features only scrunching up cutely for a moment as he shifted slightly upon the bed and then began to snore softly once more.

As a result Zack had barely managed to keep himself from ignoring their invited guest and rejoining the blonde in bed again, his joyful smile turning into an amused grin as he shook the idea from his head knowing that if he did then he'd never hear the end of it. It was therefore with great reluctance that he closed the bedroom door and made his way through the apartment to where the sound of more knocking could be heard, the light but clearly insistent rhythmic tapping instantly letting him know that it was most likely Reno who now stood outside waiting to be let in.

"Hey man, what took you so long?" The fiery haired Turk huffed by way of greeting, as soon as the door was opened.

"Hello Reno. Long time no see." Zack chuckled, as he ran a hand through his sleep tousled hair and stood to one side so that both he and the young female Turk by his side could enter. "Hey Cissnei, you look good." The soldier added happily, before sharing a worried knowing look with the red head as the brunette walked past him carrying her famous lava based dip carefully in her hands.

"Hello Zack, it's good to see you too." The young women replied sweetly, her words becoming scolding as she continued down the small hall to the kitchen. "And I saw that look you two just gave each other."

"Sorry Ciss, but you know we think that stuff's lethal. Right?" Reno joked, while trying not to choke on his own snorted amusement as the brunette glared at him.

"And like your famous cocktails couldn't strip paint." The young Turk retorted, the slightly evil curl to her lips and humorous glint in her eye causing the soldier to chuckle lightly at their bickering.

Instantly both Turks turned to face him, their taunting comment towards each other suddenly halting as they both united under his amusement of the situation. The look he was being give was enough to let Zack know that he was about to suffer in some way, that his own disastrous attempts at cooking in the past were about to be commented on as well, and was therefore more than grateful when the sound of another person knocking at the door gave him the perfect opportunity of escape.

"Err, better get that." He managed, his retreating form breathing a sigh of relief as it disappeared before either one of them could stop him.

A second later and he was opening the door and being greeted by a cheerfully smiling face, Kunsel's presence bringing with it a perfect distraction from the raven haired soldier's possible demise.

"Do I even want to know why you're carrying that?" Zack asked, his confused expression being accompanied by a mischievous glint in his eye as he began to suspect the answer.

"Reno said that Cissnei was bringing her dip." The other soldier replied with a grin, as if the casual statement explained exactly why he was currently holding a small fire extinguisher in his hand. "Figured I'm come prepared this time." He added with a barely contained chuckle of pleasure.

"She's going to kill you, you know that right." Zack sighed, as he stepped to one side and let the other man in. "She may even beat you to death with that thing as well, given half the chance."

"Beat who to death with what?" Reno asked, as the pair made their way towards the kitchen, where the two Turks were waiting and had yet to see what the new arrival was carrying.

A second later and the red head burst out laughing and nearly fell of the stool he'd been perched on, while the brunette beside him settled a deathly glare on Kunsel which promised pain.

"Can we try not killing each other just yet? Please." Zack begged softly, his heart clenching at the sudden noise which had been made and now worrying that the sleeping cadet might waking up to find their house guests at each other's throats.

"Fine." Cissnei huffed, as she blew out a long breath and tried to reign in her need to strangle the other soldier. "For Cloud's sake I'll behave." She agreed, knowing full well what the raven haired soldier's main concern was in all of this. "But I swear you'll suffer later." She warned while holding Kunsel's highly entertained expression, the threatening tone she used sounding very convincing indeed.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Cloud woke to the sound of voices in the other room and instantly knew that the others were already here, their arrival being something he was expecting yet still felt extremely unprepared for. There had been no time to talk to Zack, no opportunity to tell the soldier what he was afraid of and what was now creating a nauseous feeling to rise up within him. Unsure of what to do but knowing that he had to face them at some point the cadet drew in a shaky breath and tried to calm himself, his second breath hitching and his body jerking back against the bed as he heard a sudden bark of laughter from the other side of the closed door.

Scolding himself the blonde closed his eyes again and tried to focus on getting his heart rate back under control, the large muscle now pounding out a fast and frantic rhythm within his chest. Every muscles, ligament and tendon in his body was draw tight and ready for action, the fight or flight response to these situations already raising its ugly head and making it even harder to control his short shallow panting breaths.

"Damn it." Cloud swore softly, as the hushed voices continued to be heard in the other room and remind him why he was now panicking. "Just get a grip on yourself Strife." He commanded himself angrily, the idea of over reacting and spoiling the evening weighing heavily on his mind. "They are good people." The cadet whispered, the words coming out almost like a prayer as they were given a voice. "They are good people." He repeated softly, Angeal's words of comfort about the guests who were waiting to meet him properly becoming a reverently spoken mantra in the quiet room.

It took about a minute more for his mind to take control over his body, for the adrenaline which had begun to course through his veins to start filtering out and the tension within him to ease. A few heart beats later and sky blue eyes slowly opened again to stare up at the ceiling of the darkened room, a strange sense of calm working its way through the cadet as he gradually let out the deep breath he'd been holding. It was only now that he became aware of the lingering warmth on the mattress beside him, his hand slowly moving over the crumpled sheets as his finger tips gentle traced the rise and dips amongst the bedding which the soldier's well built frame had left behind.

Pale pink lips curved up into a soft joyous smile as the blonde remembered hearing words of comfort in his dreams, the promise of understanding and acceptance suddenly being more than just an unspoken hope. It was clear to see that Zack had been laying beside him until quite recently, the evidence to prove this also making Cloud realise that what he'd though was only his imagination had in fact been very real. And suddenly the cadet felt his chest fill with a wondrous sensation, the warmth and light which suddenly grew within his heart quickly spilling out and making its way throughout his entire body as it began to wash his fears away.

For a moment Cloud didn't move as he took it all in, as he welcomed the feeling of love that he felt for the soldier and acknowledge it with every fibre of his being. Zack knew him like no other, had listened to all the things the cadet's heart had poured out, and as a result understood what the blonde feared even though it had not been said. Realising this Cloud took another slow breath, the soldier's scent still present all around him and helping to ease the remaining tension within his limbs. He then rose into a sitting position and moved so that his legs hung over the edge of the bed, his feet planting themselves firmly on the carpeted floor as he stood and prepared himself for what was to come.

With several hesitant steps Cloud made his way toward the bedroom door, a faint chuckle escaping his lips as he noticed how his hands now shook slightly as the fingers reached up to grasp the handle in front of him. And the cadet couldn't deny that he wasn't nervous, that even with the knowledge of Zack's understanding and Angeal's words of advice he was still unsure about all of it. It was therefore with a silent prayer that he would not let the soldier down that Cloud drew in one last steadying breath and opened the door, a shaft of light pouring in through the crack he now made between the door and the doorframe and pushing away the last remaining shadows of doubt as it bathed him in its welcoming brightness.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Zack looked up the moment he heard the sound of movement, the slight brush against the carpet and the faintest creak of hinges as the bedroom door was slowly opened. His head came round just as Cloud stepped into the room, as the last rays of sunlight peeked in through the living room window and bathed the recently woken cadet in its radiance illuminating his beauty to the entire world. The soldier felt his mouth go dry as he took in the vision presented to him, the blonde's sleep tousled appearance making his heart flutter uncontrollably and the need to pull Cloud towards him and hold the blonde close ignite along every nerve ending within his body.

"Hey." Zack managed fairly normally, his voice thankfully not betraying his stumbling mind as he noticed how the cadet's warm flushed cheeks became the colour of rose petals in their presence.

"Hey." Cloud replied lightly, the small curve of his lips increasing a little more as the shy smile he wore grew brighter.

"You feeling a little better now?" The soldier asked, as he stood and made his way over to where the blonde was still standing in the doorway.

"Yes, I am. Thank you." Cloud answered gently, his sky blue eyes briefly looking down towards the floor as Zack approached. "I'm sorry I slept so long, I didn't mean too." He added softly, the apology being spoken against the soldier's chest now that he was standing right in front of the cadet.

"No apology needed." Zack noted tenderly, a strong hand rising up to brush against the blonde's brow and push a few stray hairs away from his sapphire eyes. "You were tired and needed to rest, it's understandable after all."

"We all remember what those days were like in the beginning." Kunsel added from where he stood, his voice drawing Cloud's attention towards him and away from the feather-light touch which was making his heart sing. "They push you guys pretty hard considering you're not full of mako, so don't worry about it."

"Does it make a difference?" The cadet found himself asking, the question being one he'd often wondered but never had the courage to actually say out loud.

"Hell yea." Reno cut in, before the actual soldiers in the room could reply. "You should see how fast these two can run nowadays when they're trying to get out of work. Makes me wish I had the stuff in my veins so I could do the same."

"Only so you could escape Tseng's wrath when you don't get your paper work done." The young women beside Kunsel threw in, her smug look letting Cloud know it was something of an on-going joke between the pair.

"You got it babe. I'd be half way to Kalm before he could catch me." The red head retorted proudly, as the two soldiers snickered at his response.

"Exactly, he'd still catch you." Cissnei pointed out triumphantly. "And then you'd know about it."

"Give it up girl, I've got Tseng wrapped round my little finger and you're just jealous."

"Reeeellllyyy." The female Turk purred, his eyes taking on what could only be described as a wicked gleam. "Maybe I should let him know that the next time I see him?"

"Oh he knows little lady. But you'll just embarrass yourself by pointing it out to him, so I wouldn't worry about it if I were you." Reno countered, his rather convincing comeback sounding almost believable but unfortunately betrayed by the slight flicker of panic in his sea-green eyes.

"Uuummm right." Cissnei hummed, the evil glint in her glowing orbs silently accepting the challenge which had been set.

"Knock it off you two." Zack cut in before the red head could reply, the fiery haired Turk's turquoise spheres suddenly giving a look which promised pain and humiliation if she did say anything. "Tseng would kick both your butts if he heard either of you even suggesting such a thing was possible."

"Just because you've already got Angeal wrapped around your little finger, doesn't mean the rest of us can't dream about having the same kind of power." Kunsel added quickly, his words making both Reno and Cissnei snort in amusement as the raven haired soldier's violet eyes widened in surprise.

"Traitor." Zack threw back playfully, his dramatic look of mock betrayal causing the light chuckles in the room to become warm sounds of joyful laughter. "I will never reveal my secret powers to you now."

"It's your eyes." Cloud spoke up before he could stop himself, the unexpected comment drawing all of their attention towards him and his cheeks to become inflamed with a self-conscious heat. "I mean it's ... it's ... uuumm." He mumbled, as the weight of their combined gaze caused his insides to suddenly flip-flop in uncertainty.

"It's ok Spiky, no need to be embarrassed in front of friends." The raven haired soldier replied softly, a radiant smile forming on his handsome face. "And your eyes have a power over me too, just in case you were wondering." Zack whispered against the cadet's ear, his words being quiet enough so that only the blonde would hear them.

Cloud shivered slightly as the confession swam through his head and the warm breath it had been spoken with ghosted over his neck, his heart notably skipping a beat as a tingling sensation quickly swept over his body and left a faint trail of goose bumps across his arms in its wake.

"Zack." The cadet whispered back nervously, his mouth going dry as bright amethyst spheres connected with his own glowing sapphire orbs.

"Yea." The soldier replied just as softly, as his hands moved along the blonde's bare arms and lightly trailed over the slightly raised skin.

"I ... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ... to embarrass you." Cloud murmured faintly against his chest, his head dipping forward and into the comforting safety of the soldier's body.

"Not embarrassed and certainly not upset to hear you say something like that Spiky." Zack soothed, as he drew the cadet's smaller frame in closer against his own larger one. "So don't be sorry, ok."

"Ok." The blonde managed breathlessly, the soldier's scent filling his senses once again and for a moment taking him away from everything and everyone around them.

It was only when a dry deliberate cough was heard from across the room that both jumped slightly and pulled apart, the world they had both drifted into slipping away and leaving them back where they had begun. Instantly Cloud's cheeks warmed again as he realised that they were being watched, the three pairs of eyes which focused on them making a flicker of anxiety spike within his chest and a rush of unease work through his veins.

Zack felt the tension as it suddenly sprang to life within the cadet's supple body, the small gasping breath against his chest being the only sound to hold his attention as the blonde became as still as a statue within his arms. He cursed silently as every muscle and tendon in the small frame became tight beneath his touch, Cloud's response to the situation now one of fear and uncertainty as he realised that their newly developing relationship had been discovered.

Drawing in a slow calming breath the soldier pulled away slightly and encouraged the cadet's eyes to look at him, the sky blue orbs showing the very things he knew were being felt and confirming that Cloud was now panicking about what had happened.

"It's ok, they already know." He informed the blonde gently, his voice remaining low so as not to startle the trembling cadet with the added revelation. "And they're not going to tell anyone else about it, so don't worry."

For a moment Cloud's eyes held his without blinking, the sapphire gems showing pupils which were still a little too big within the glorious blue depths as they searched his own to find the truth of his words.

"It's ok, I promise." The soldier repeated softly, the cadet finally breaking free of his frightened state to blink and draw a much needed stuttering breath. "Really, it is." Zack added to cement in the words, his insides stirring unhappily as he realised that the blonde's heart was now beating a bit too fast and his breathes were still a little too short and sharp for his liking.

"I ... I didn't mean to ... to ..." Cloud stammered, his dry mouth making it impossible to say the apology his mind was still stumbling over.

"To what?" The soldier asked, his warm smile straining a little as he drew the cadet's body against his own once more and fought not to grimace as he felt the fragile form stand uneasily beside him, as if Cloud would pull away again at any second. "To let me know that you think my eyes are amazing or let those closest to me see a softer side of you?" He continued calmly, his mind sending out a silent prayer of thanks that at least his voice was not betraying his own unease at how things were going.

"I ... I want you to know ... about ... your eyes, but ..."

Here the blonde's barely spoken words faltered again and Zack didn't miss how Cloud's body shifted slightly within the embrace so that he could look at the other occupants of the room out of the corner of his own breath taking blue orbs.

"But I didn't mean to ... I mean ... We could get in trouble, couldn't we?"

"Once you get to know us better, you'll see that we don't exactly follow every rule in the book." Kunsel spoke up before anyone else could say something, his words thankfully drawing the blonde's attention away from the raven haired soldier who was still struggling with his own answer. "That's not to say that we don't follow the rules, just that sometimes they get bent a little."

"As long as no one gets hurt of course." Cissnei added, her tone being a mixture of cheerfulness and certainty in this fact.

"Damn right." Reno threw in, his words being followed by a small manic laugh as he took a quick mental trip down memory lane. "Hey do you guys remember that time we glued the weight stack in place in the officers gym?" He asked while grinning mischievously, the random comment drawing a small groan from the female Turk and both soldier's alike.

"How can I not?" Kunsel sighed, the mildly regretful tone he used not quiet matching the sparkle of amusement in his eyes. "You know they're still trying to work out who did that."

"Come on." The red head scoffed, as he turned and made his way towards the kitchen area. "We all know that they know it was us, but just aren't about to say anything without poof."

"Only because they're worried about how Angeal and Tseng would react." Cissnei pointed out playfully, the conversation having come back around in almost a full circle. "Although I think Genesis would have supported you both on that one as well." She mused, thinking back to that day again and remembering how the auburn haired 1st had been heard laughing for hours afterwards. "He certainly seemed to enjoy watching Heidegger nearly put his back out trying to prove something."

"You know I heard that even Sephiroth cracked a smile that day." Kunsel added thoughtfully, his words causing Zack to chuckle happily again and relax a little more as the casual atmosphere started to settle around them again.

"Wouldn't surprise me yo." Reno called across from where he stood pouring himself another drink. "Old Mr Serious gets just as pissed off by that self-proclaimed god, asshole of a man as we do. Guy just can't show it is all."

"More like he has more sense than to act on it." The female Turk sighed happily, as she reached over and stole the red head's drink before he could stop her. "Any why did we do that to him again, I still forget the reason."

"That's cause you're too busy stealing my drinks and blowing shit up girl." Reno growled, as he huffed in faked annoyance at her over-the-top innocent expression and began to pour himself another drink.

"It's because he stated that soldier's and Turk's should try to 'better ourselves' in some way." Kunsel recalled with a hint of irritation in his voice, as he lowered the fingers he'd used to make air quotation marks for the last part. "So that we could be more like him, as if we'd even want to." He muttered bitterly, the memory of the past event and the comparison made making his blood begin to warm and the mako stir in his veins.

"You know he only said that to impress President Shinra right, trying to make himself seem better than he really is." The red head pointed out, as he reluctantly sacrificed his new drink to the frustrated soldier and set to work on another. "Zack you want one of these seeing as I'm on a roll with them at the moment?" He called across to the raven haired soldier, his face coming up to look at the man in question but instead catching the cadet's wide blue eyes.

"You ok there Cloud, we're not freaking you out too much are we?" He asked lightly, the smile on his face slipping a little as the blonde simply stared back in silence with an uncertain expression on his face.

"You ... you guys did that?" Cloud stammered nervously, his head now a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings as he absorbed what was being said while still being held in the comfort of Zack's arms.

"Yea, we did. But you can't tell anyone or we'd get our butts kicked from here to Wutai for it, ok?"

"Ok." The blonde replied softly, the trust they had suddenly placed upon him with this knowledge feeling somehow like another link in the steadily growing chain of friendship they were trying to form between them. "But you guys should know that you're legends. I mean what you did, it still gets talked about amongst the cadets." Cloud explained, his confidence steadily growing as the people around him all chuckled happily at the information.

"That's kind a cool, knowing I'm a hero and worshiped from afar." Reno laughed, his hands now holding two drinks as he began to approach Zack to pass one over to the waiting soldier. "It's like I'm a god or something."

"More like the devil in disguise and a big headed one at that." Cissnei insulted him with amusement, her brown hair waving slightly as she shook her head in an exasperated response to his words.

"Just you wait little lady." The red heard retorted playfully, his sea-green eyes flashing with a joyful challenge as he placed the drink in the soldier's hand and turned his full attention on her. "After tonight's game you will be praying to me as well."

"Oh, really?" The brunette enquired lightly, her own hazel brown orbs twinkling in silent acceptance of the dare. "And why would that be oh mighty one?"

"Because you will be broke and I will be rolling in it." Was the overly confident reply given, the words receiving bursts of laughter from both soldiers as well as a roll of the eyes from Cissnei.

"In your dreams Turk boy." Kunsel managed, as he causally sank down onto one of the sofas. "And if I recall correctly, the last time we played it was I who was rolling in it as you say."

Reno's reply was too low in pitch and grumbled in tone to be heard properly but each person around him could easily guess what might have been said, the look he gave the soldier still being friendly but also warning that it was not likely to happen again anytime soon if he could help it.

"Is it always like this?" Cloud whispered against Zack's ear, the ease at which their relationship had been accepted and the closeness between them all being just as strong as Angeal had said it would be.

"Pretty much." Zack replied, his words being spoken with equal quietness as the other three drifted off into their own conversation about who was more likely to win in tonights game and why.

"I know that Reno knows about us, that he's seen me kiss you, sort of, and that Angeal knows we have feelings for each other." The cadet began, his gradual lead up to the real question he wanted to ask causing him to blush deeply again. "But are Kunsel and Cissnei really ok with this? I mean, are they really ok with you and me being together?"

"Trust me when I say that if they had a problem with us being together, you would be the first one to know about it Cloud. They're the best group of friends a guy could have, but also the most over protective bunch of pain in the arses as well." The raven haired solider reassured, as he took one of the blonde's small trembling hands and placed it over his own steadily beating heart. "This heart you can feel beating is doing so because of what you did all those weeks ago." Zack breathed, his serious tone still filled with joy but also a sense of urgency that Cloud listen and really accept what was being said. "I'm alive today because you saved me and that makes one hell of an impression on someone's friends." He explained, the soft look of love and wonder in his violet eyes making something within the cadet feel calmer. "I breathe because of you, my heart beats because of you and in truth it now beats only for you. They know and understand what you mean to me, what it means for me to feel that way about someone again."

"I just don't want to cause you any trouble or make things awkward between all of you. You've been friends longer than I've known you and it would be wrong for me to ruin that, to damage something which means so much to each of you." Cloud tried to explain, his gentle even voice letting Zack know that there was no hidden messages behind the words, that the concern he spoke of was in fact the one which he was feeling inside.

"You know I'm really starting to like this honesty thing we've got going." The soldier murmured against his ear, the hushed tone he used helping to keep their conversation a private one between only them. "And I'm glad that you feel confident enough to say these things to me, but seriously stop worrying about it." He continued, the light hearted way he spoke the words helping ease whatever remaining tension had still been present in the cadet's body. "You're right about Reno and Angeal knowing how I feel, but Kunsel worked it out that day he was round here and Cissnei had a pretty good idea before she even saw what just happened."

"Was she the one that ... watched over me that time ... when you went drinking?" The blonde asked, his suspicions being confirmed when a slightly embarrassed and guilty expression appeared on the soldier's face as he silently nodded. "But how? I mean I didn't say or do anything to give it away. So how did they work it out?" Cloud enquired nervously, his naive question making the innocent and confused expression on his angelic features even more adorable.

"You didn't do a thing Spiky, so don't worry about. They're just really smart people and probably know me a little too well, that's all." Zack replied affectionately, the twinkle in his eyes letting the blonde know there was something else he wasn't saying.

"Spit it out Zack. What aren't you telling me?" Cloud demanded to know, his insistent tone being more pleading than commanding as a flutter of dread was felt within him when the soldier's uncomfortable look grew a little more sheepish.

"They sort of know we've been sharing a bed." Zack mumbled awkwardly, his lavender eyes holding the cobalt ones which had once again opened wide in shook as he tried to communicate the apology he just couldn't seem to find a voice for. "I've told them we're just sleep together and nothing else, but that in itself means a lot." He added softly, the look on his handsome features showing that while he was also feeling a little self-conscious about the others knowing he had no regrets over it.

"Oh Gaia." Cloud breathed, his own heart now pounding out a steady accelerated rhythm as he glanced over at the other three people in the room. "How am I supposed to face them now?" He groaned, the beseeching look he gave the soldier communicating that if he suffered as a result of this then Zack had better save him from it.

"Sleeping and nothing else." The soldier reinforced quickly, as the cadet's hushed but clearly desperate tone drew attention towards them once more.

"You guys ok over there?" Kunsel asked, the look he gave being a polite but still questioning one.

"Yea, we're good." Zack replied calmly, a little too calmly in Cloud's opinion as his own mind still reeled with the knowledge it had been given.

"So are we gonna play or what?" Reno cut in, his over eagerness causing Cissnei to push him off the arm of the chair where he was balanced and distracting them all from the cadet's nervousness.

"You have no patience Reno." The brunette scolded, her finger wagging at the red haired Turk as he huffed and dusted himself off.

"Uuummm." Cloud interrupted before anyone else could comment, the brief sound he'd made surprising all of them including Zack and drawing four pairs of eyes towards him instantly. "I don't actually know how to play." He mumbled self-consciously, the embarrassment of admitting to such a thing paling in comparison to the joyful light which seemed to fill each of the glowing orbs that were still focused solely on him.

"Not a problem, we can teach you." Zack said, the offer being made just as happily as Angeal had said it would be.

"Really? I mean I'd like that, but only if it's not going to spoil your game." The cadet added, as he felt an unfamiliar warmth flow through his body as three more faces smiled at him with genuine kindness. "I mean ... I don't want to be any trouble."

"It's no trouble at all." Cissnei replied on all of their behalves, a soft chuckle following her words briefly before she spoke again. "Besides, it's been a while since we played a friendly game and this gives us a good excuse to have a little fun."

"We always play a friendly game." Reno tried to argue, his chastising look falling flat when both Zack and Kunsel laughed and shook their heads in disagreement.

"No." The raven haired soldier corrected him, the humour he'd felt in what the red head had said still evident in his voice. "We start off playing friendly, but then all become evil gambling monsters once we get going."

"Can't argue with that." The fiery haired Turk conceded with a shrug, his cocky grin matching the wicked gleam in his eyes.

"Don't worry Cloud. We'll behave ourselves tonight." Kunsel comforted the blonde, as he noticed the slightly uncertain look the cadet was now giving them all again.

"Thank you." Was the softly spoken reply, as sky blue eyes met his briefly before looking away again towards Zack as if seeking a little more reassurance.

"Ok, table's set up and we've got drinks already so it's just you Cloud." Reno spoke up, his words being a vague question as he looked at the cadet expectantly for some kind of answer. "We got you some sodas if you want one." He offered, seeing the slight confusion in the blonde's bright blue eyes.

"Yes ... yes Please. That would be nice." Cloud mumbled, as the gears in his brain finally started turning and he began to understand what was being asked.

"Ok everyone." The red head cheered, as he happily handed a can of drink to the cadet once Zack had led the blonde over towards them. "Let the games begin." He announced with a fairly manic grin, the expression being mirrored by the other three older teens and suddenly making Cloud wonder just what he had gotten himself into.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

A few hours later and Cloud was no longer feeling unsure about the people around him, their kind and friendly natures allowing him to finally learn how to start relaxing in the presence of others. That wasn't to say that he wasn't still a little on edge at times, the sudden outbursts of laughter catching him by surprise and the tension which arose when teasing comments became too snippy making him feel uncomfortable. But as promised Zack was always there to soothe away the tremble within him when it started to become too much, the soldier's strong hand instantly finding a place on his back to rub gentle circles over the tense muscles and helping him to calm again. It also helped that Zack would scold the others about their behaviour in front of the cadet, politely reminding them that that had promised to behave themselves tonight while in his presence.

Cloud had of course blushed at this and felt a bit of guilty for causing such a fuss, he didn't want the extra attention that it caused but was silently grateful that the effort was being made for him. It also made him realise just how right Angeal had been about these people, how they accepted him so warmly into their group and how much they clearly meant to each other. Even if they did manage to drive each other around the bend at times.

The evening itself had gone well over all and although the blonde could safely say he had tried to learn how to play poker, the game was still a mystery to him. Instead of there being a specific winning hand there were several, with the most basic being a pair of cards of the same value which in turn could then be beaten by a pair with a higher value. He could also recall that three of a kind was better than a pair, but these in turn could be beaten by something called a straight or another set of cards which was referred to as a royal flush. Needless to say they had played several practice games to get him used to the different hands available, as well as the betting system in place.

That issue in itself had caused Cloud further embarrassment when he realised that money would be needed, the first horror he felt from it being the unspoken reminder that as only a cadet he didn't have any and then to top it off Zack had openly given him the gil he would need in front of the others. It was safe to say that the humiliation of being placed in that position had nearly driven Cloud to walk out of the apartment, the shame he felt in using the soldier's hard earned wages quickly burning a hole through his pride. He didn't want Zack's friends thinking he was only involved with the soldier for his gil, the idea of them seeing him as nothing more than a money grabbing boyfriend hurting in a way that he couldn't explain with words.

Thankfully Kunsel had seen the hurt and worry in the blonde's eyes and understood it when Zack had not, his quick suggestion that Cloud consider it a temporary loan while they played helping the raven haired soldier to start seeing what he'd missed while arguing with the cadet over his offer. Then Reno's suggestion that Zack was only investing in Cloud's participation so he had twice as much chance as winning thankfully broke the back of the argument completely. After all, it was hard to not to get distracted when Cissnei and Kunsel agreed with the red head and the soldier was left spluttering out a few choice words at them all about damaging his pride and honour as a soldier.

Once the situation had calmed again and Zack had apologised for giving the wrong impression the game began in earnest, the cadet also easing up a little as he found himself being drawn into their world with a little more confidence than he had done before. Cloud couldn't be sure if it was because the others had supported his opinion when he protested the soldier's money, or if because they truly didn't want Zack to be out of pocket because of him. But in the end they had at least supported him in it, their reasoning getting through to the soldier when the cadet's could not and perhaps seeing that he wasn't with their friend because of the more financial benefits it could bring.

These benefits however were very quickly going in Reno's favour as he won several rounds of the game, his cards either being very good or his bluffing skills being impressively superior to the others. It was at this point in the game that Cloud had swapped his tactics slightly, so that instead of focusing on his own cards and trying to work them out he started to watch the other players as Angeal had suggested. He quickly worked out Zack's tell as the soldier was so easy to read when he had a good hand, the way his lips would quirk up at the edges and his violet eyes would glow with a hint of green for the barest of seconds with his rush of excitement. Kunsel was the next person he'd worked out, the clue being a little harder to see but still very obvious once he knew what to look for. Reno and Cissnei on the other hand had been a pain to try and work out, the skilled Turks very apt at hiding what they were thinking and feeling due to their extensive training.

But Cloud was determined to at least benefit from this time in some way, the hope of actually winning the game almost impossible now and leaving him wanting to gain something else out of it instead. Cissnei's tell had been the one to reveal itself to him first, the slightest of twitches within her whole frame so that it would almost be missed as a general movement except for the flicker in her eye which accompanied it. Then the red head's secret had been revealed to him and Cloud suddenly felt more confident in what he was doing, a strange sense of determination coursing through his body now that he knew their weaknesses. And suddenly the night turned in the cadet's favour, the other people around the table no longer able to bluff their way past him as he began to win game after game in front of them.

By the time the clock struck midnight Cloud was sitting happily at the table with a rather large pile of gil in front of him, the confused yet clearly impressed expression on everyone's faces making it hard to keep the smile off of his face. Instead he bit his bottom lip and kept the twitch he felt within it at bay, the upward curve he felt pulling at the soft pieces of flesh being something he'd nerve felt so strongly before but was still unsure about letting be seen.

"You know you can smile if you want to." Zack sighed, the cards he held being thrown down as he folded on another hand. "It's not like we can't see it in your eyes."

"I'm sorry." Cloud replied softly, his sky blue spheres instantly looking down at the table as a slight blush crept over his cheeks.

"What for?" Reno asked casually, his own cards dropping onto the table as he folded as well. "I mean you're a beginner and you're kicking our arses, you should be happy."

"It's ... it's just beginners luck." The cadet mumbled bashfully, his face yet to come back up and look at any of the properly again.

"If that was the case you would have been wining from the start." Cissnei pointed out as she considered her hand, the idea of folding also running through her mind. "You seemed to get better about half way through, yet your knowledge of the cards never seemed to improve."

It was at this point that they all suddenly stopped and looked at each other, the same question running through their minds as they all slowly turned to look at the blonde in front of them.

"Cloud." Kunsel began, the first of them to actually find his voice at the shock of their discovery. "Did you ... try something different?" He asked, unsure how to broach the subject without letting the joyful tone of his voice give his excitement away.

"Maybe." The cadet whispered, his head dipping down even lower to his chest in case they would disapprove of his actions.

"No need to hide away Spiky." Zack soothed, as he saw how unsure the blonde was becoming. "We're just curious, that's all."

"I ..." Cloud began nervously, his face coming up a little so that sapphire eyes could glance up at them beneath lowered blonde eyelashes. "Angeal told me to ... try something ... if I got stuck."

"And what would that have been?" Reno almost purred, his arm now resting bent on the table so that an open palm could support his head as he casually lent forward.

"He said to look for something called 'tells', something to tell me if you were bluffing or not." Cloud whispered hesitantly, his insides screaming that any second now this calm around him would crumble away and the real anger and hate behind the friendly facade would be seen.

"Well I'll be damned." Kunsel breathed, a second before he laughed happily at the revelation. "You mean to tell me you worked out all of our tells in that short a time?"

"Yes." The blonde confirmed uncertainly, the waver in his voice when he spoke again causing those around him to straighten up in their chairs. "I'm sorry if that was the wrong thing to do. Please don't be angry at Angeal for suggesting it, he was only trying to help."

"Spiky, we're not angry at you or Angeal about this." Zack began, his hand instinctively moving up to gentle rub the cadet's back in a soothing way. "It's part of the game so don't worry about apologising, you've done nothing wrong." He added, the brief look which Cloud had given him showing an uncertain and almost fearful look within now watery pools of blue.

"Zack's right, you did nothing wrong." Cissnei tried to reassure, her own hand now reaching out to take one of the cadet's where it was curled into a tight fist and silently crushing his cards. "If anything we're impressed. It takes a lot of skill to read people that well, especially a Turk." She explained, her soft gentle tone drawing the blonde's head up to look at her and revealing the gloss of unshed tears in his eyes. "Oh Cloud." She breathed sadly, the things she knew about the cadet from Reno's explanations making her heart ache as she now saw the evidence of so much more hidden within the blue depths. "I know you're having trouble believing this, but we're honestly ok with you winning that way."

Cloud however had no words to give her to show that he either accepted what was being said or wanted to argue it more, the lump in his throat not only blocking any sound from coming out but also making it almost impossible to swallow back the tears he could feel about to break free.

"I think that's enough for tonight." Zack suggested lightly, his words causing a slight flash of panic in the blonde's eyes and pale pink lips to open and close in frantic but silently protest. "Don't argue Spiky, it's late and I think we should all be heading to bed now."

"You don't have to stop, just because of me." Cloud finally managed to say, his free hand quickly wiping at the damp heat around his eyes and trying to rid it from his face. "I'll just get out of your way and ..."

"No." The raven haired soldier interrupted firmly, the look in his soft violet orbs being both loving but also serious as he spoke again. "It's late and we've played enough." He repeated, the words being spoken in such a way that each person within the room knew not to argue with them.

"Zack's right." Reno chipped in, as he tried to ease the slight discomfort in the room. "Beside's it's not like I have much money left to lose to you anyway." He added with a sigh, the few gil he still had in front of him being casually picked up and tucked into his trouser pockets.

"I shouldn't really have this." Cloud informed them uncertainly, his gaze flicking to the small fortune in front of him and drawing the others eyes to look at it as well. "I mean, Zack lent me the money to play in the first place and it's really yours anyway." He tried to explain, the lingering doubts within him still making this happy acceptance of his winning seem unreal.

"Then give soldier boy back what he lent you." The red head pointed out, his comment helping ease the blonde's worries about them still seeing him as a burden to Zack. "And as for the rest ... well you won it fair and square in my book, so just keep it, ok."

"I ... I couldn't." The cadet stammered in surprise, the joyful smiles he saw on each of the soldier and Turk's faces only leaving him more confused.

"Then how about you save it for the next time we meet up and either buy the drinks, or let us win it back off of you." Kunsel suggested, his options providing them all the perfect opportunity to benefit in some way without Cloud feeling any more embarrassed then he already was.

"Alright." The cadet agreed after a moment of hesitation, a soft smile gracing his lips as he looked towards the other soldier with a grateful expression on his angelic features.

Not long after that the others left and headed towards their own homes, having stayed long enough to help tidy up and put everything away before disappearing into the night. Cloud had managed to relax again before they left and was able to wish them all a goodnight as they left, his weary body happily welcoming the soft mattress and warm sheets of their bed when he finally collapsed into it a little before one in the morning.

"I'm really proud of you tonight Spiky." Zack said softly, as he pulled the cadet's body in closer to his own.

"Even though we argued a bit and I nearly went to pieces in front of your friends?" Cloud questioned, the slight tremble in his voice letting the soldier know that while the tone was joking the cadet's concerns were very real.

"All couples fight and for us that was nothing." Zack pointed out, his lips placing several reassuring feather-light kisses along the blonde's neck and shoulder. "Besides, they're our friends now. Remember?" He added, while giving the blonde a more affectionate hug.

"Yes. I remember." Cloud replied softly, his arms instinctively holding onto the muscular ones wrapped around his body and holding them tighter in return.

"Good, now get some sleep." The soldier yawned, as his own weariness began to take over. "I want to take you out somewhere tomorrow and you need your rest."

"Where?" The cadet asked, the sudden hint of excitement in his voice making Zack smile happily even as sleep moved forward to carry him away.

"It's a surprise, now go to sleep." He ordered affectionately, the faint huff of mild frustration he heard escape the blonde's body making a small chuckle break free from his own.

"Zack." Cloud began almost a minute later, his quiet voice hesitant as it reached out to the soldier's fading consciousness.

"Uuuuummmm." Was the only reply Zack could give at this point as he tried to focus on the blonde's words.

"Why was there a fire extinguished in the kitchen? It wasn't there before, was it?" The cadet asked, the rich warm laughter which responded to his questions making him wonder what was so funny.

"Go to sleep Spiky." The soldier mumbled with an amused tone. "And don't touch that dip next to it in the morning, stuff's lethal." He managed to warn, just before he drifted away completely.

Cloud remained quiet for a moment more to see if any other explanation would be given, but when none came and the feel of Zack's gentle breaths on his back let him know the soldier was asleep he gave up waiting for one. Clearly this was something he had missed earlier and would need to ask about another time, his mind wondering what was so dangerous about the bowl of red liquid which had been left untouched all night. In fact, now he came to think about it, no one had even dared to go near it while they periodically ate and drank throughout the game.

Deciding it was a mystery best left for the morning the cadet settled himself into the warm and protective embrace around him, the slow even breaths and gentle beating of Zack's heart soon drawing him into his own deep and peaceful sleep.


	49. Chapter 49: Morning confessions

**Would you believe it, we finally get some sunshine and decent weather here and the higher temperature causes the power supply in my PC to overheat and die. Thankfully I had access to a lap top, but as all of my files were saved on the PC I've only recently been able to access them again and that is why this update is a little behind schedule.**

**Also a quick warning, I'm supposed to be having an exam on the 14th July (next week) but based on previous experiences I'll believe it when I see it. This does mean however that I will be focusing on that for the next few days so please don't be offended if I don't reply to reviews straight away. I do love and appreciate them greatly, but my time may be limited due to revision.**

**As always I hope you enjoy. It's not the cheeriest of chapters but things do get better :o)**

* * *

**Morning confessions**

They woke the next morning still held safely within each other's arms, the night before now a warm and pleasant memory in both their minds. Upon seeing Cloud's happy and relaxed expression Zack instantly smiled in that wonderful way that he did, his soft violet orbs filled with a joyous light which showed just how much it meant to him that things had gone so well. And truthfully the cadet found it hard not to smile shyly in return, his sky blue eyes revealing a mixture of emotions and showing that while he was also pleased that things had gone well he was also still trying to process a lot of it.

"You ok?" The soldier asked lightly, his arms tightening around the blonde's body and drawing the smaller frame in closer against his own.

"I think so." Cloud replied softly, his hands moving restlessly along Zack's back as if unsure of where to place them. "I ... I had a good time. I had ... fun." The cadet whispered uncertainly, the hesitation in admitting such a thing causing the soldier to release the blonde from the tight embrace and move back to look at him more clearly.

"It's ok to have fun you know." Zack spoke up carefully, his lavender spheres instantly taking in how the small smile which had been on Cloud's lips before was now a little uneven as if he was unsure about his feelings.

"I know and ... I'm not ... it's not that ..."

The stumbling words should have bothered the soldier as he heard them being spoken and the confusion which was being presented should have made him worry. But there was something in the cadet's sapphire eyes which made Zack hold onto that calm place within him, the expression on the blonde's face not being one of fear or doubt but instead ... embarrassment.

"You can tell me anything." The soldier reassured gently, as he lent down to press his soft lips upon Cloud's forehead. "I'll still love you no matter what."

"I ... had a ... good time." The cadet managed, his gaze only flicking away momentarily before coming back round to see how Zack would react to the confession. "I didn't think I would, but I did." The blonde admitted sheepishly, the deep rich pools of blue now looking up at the soldier and pulling him down into their emotion filled depths.

"I told you it would be ok." Zack replied affectionately, the grin which was now spread across his handsome face barley hiding his amusement of the situation. "And I knew you'd enjoy yourself, once you got to know them."

"They're good friends, like Angeal said."

"And considering how reserved that man can be about complimenting people, what he really means is that they're great friends. Which they are." The soldier joked lightly, his amused amethyst orbs missing how the cadet's smile suddenly faltered and his expression became serious.

"You're lucky to have them Zack, don't ever forget that."

The soldier instantly stopped the light chuckle which had found a place within him, the sound dying out in the air around them as the smile on his face slipped a little. There was no denying the pain in Cloud's voice as he had spoken those words, the evidence of past hurt and betrayal being heard in every single syllable which was uttered.

"I'm sorry Spiky." Zack whispered, his expression becoming serious as he saw the shadows pass through the cadet's eyes.

"It's not your fault." The blonde replied sadly, his head tilting down as he moved forward and sought comfort in the soldier arms once more. "The things that have happened to me aren't your fault, so don't blame yourself. And don't apologise for something you didn't do."

"Alright." The soldier agreed quickly, the hint of anger in Cloud's voice making him feel unsettled for a different reason now. "But I wasn't apologising for your past, just that I'd upset you."

For a minute nothing happened and it was clear to see that the cadet was now frustrated by what had been said, his body quickly becoming tense within Zack's arms and in turn making the soldier's heart beat that little bit faster. Already his mind was sending out a silent prayer of thanks that the blonde had not pulled away, but the anxiety which was now creeping though Zack's veins with each passing second had him all but begging the same deity for guidance on what to say or do next.

"I'm not upset ..." Cloud began before the soldier could speak again, his words faltering as he took a deep breath and let it out with a heavy sigh. "At least, I'm not upset with you." The cadet corrected himself, the honest admission of his own feelings catching Zack by surprise and leaving him momentarily speechless. "I just wanted you to know how lucky you are." Cloud tried to explain, his voice cracking slightly as the emotions he was feeling began to surface and leak out with every word that was spoken. "I've never had what you have and never thought I would. But last night I got to feel what it would be like to have friends, real friends who would ... be nice to me."

Here the cadet's stammered revelations wavered again, his reasons pausing once more as he drew a stuttering breath and began to cry softly within the safety of the soldier's arms.

"I'm jealous of you ... of what you and they have together. I know I shouldn't be and ... and I'm sorry that I snapped just now. But ... but you don't see how ... you just don't know what it means to not have that. You don't know what it's like to be on the outside looking in."

"Hey, sssshhhh, it's ok." Zack soothed, one hand instantly moving to draw the trembling cadet in even closer against him while the other began to rub gentle circles across the blonde's back. "I'm sorry if it seemed like I was taking their friendship for granted or making a joke of it, I honestly wasn't. They're amazing people which I'm lucky to have in my life and you're right, I shouldn't make light of that."

"No ... it's not you ... it's me." Cloud choked, the small sobs which now accompanied his words making the soldier's chest tighten as he tried to calm the weeping cadet. "I ... I've never been ... welcomed ... like that before ... never ... Gaia, I'm so screwed up." The blonde whimpered, his hands quickly curling into tight fists so that they held onto Zack's top as if his life depended on it.

"You're not screwed up, but you have been screwed over Spiky. The things that were done to you and the way you've been treated was wrong. It's no wonder my attitude bugged you and don't you dare be sorry for letting me see that."

"I still shouldn't have snapped at you like that." Cloud whispered, his voice strained as if he were now trying to hold back the tears which wanted to continue falling.

"No secrets, remember?" Zack replied lovingly, his lips once again pressing down onto the cadet's head to place a series of feather-light kisses upon a sea of blonde spikes. "I'm not saying I like it when this happens between us, but I'd rather have it then silence and misunderstanding."

"I can't control it, can't ... keep it inside ... like I could before." Cloud mumbled against his chest, the soft tone which he spoke with failing to hide the fear that had crept into his voice. "I used to be able to keep it all inside, but now it won't stay there ... won't let me bury it away."

"Cloud." The soldier began, his words pausing until he felt the cadet nod in acknowledgement of his name and Zack knew he was actually listening. "You need to explain this to me because at the moment I'm a little lost and truthfully it's got me worried. I thought last night was ok, that you enjoyed yourself, but after what you've just said I'm feeling like I pushed you into it and now you're freaking out in some way."

"My feelings, I can't keep my feelings buried anymore." Cloud quickly clarified, his whole body shifting back as he looked up into concerned violet eyes so that Zack could see the truth in the words. "I did enjoy last night ... honestly I did. And yes ... I'm still trying to work though some of it, but that's not because I'm freaking out." The cadet began to explain, his voice now trembling almost as much has his hands which still held onto the soldier's top with a firm unyielding grip. "I'm trying to ... accept the fact that people were nice to me, that they wanted ... that they didn't mind having me there. I'm still on this incredible high that I was able to do well at something without being ... beaten ... or made to suffer for it. But at the same time I'm scared to death that it was all just a dream and that any minute I'm going to wake up and find out that really they hated me and want their money back."

"Cloud I..." Zack tried to interrupt, his attempt to give some reassurance falling flat as the cadet continued as if he'd never even spoken.

"I used to be able to push my feelings aside, to bury them down so deep that I couldn't ... so that they couldn't hurt me. I didn't let myself experience hope because it always led to disappointment and I certainly never let myself feel joy because it would always end in pain." The blonde stammered, his mind so lost to the storm which seemed to be raging within him that his words had become a stream of unconscious thought as they poured out of him. "I learnt to hide it all, to be a blank slate and only draw on the anger inside of me when I needed to fight to survive. But then I ... the wall I had built to protect me ... it started to ... to kill me. I ... I made it too strong ... too ..."

Here Cloud's words fell away into silence, his head jerking round and his eyes searching the dimly lit room as if trying to find the words he needed to explain himself properly.

"You lost yourself inside it, didn't you?" The soldier guessed, his question drawing the cadet's fearful gaze back up towards him again. "You stopped feeling altogether and in the end stopped being you."

"I remember who I was then and I know who I am now, but ... the things in between are ..."

"Confusing?" Zack offered lightly, as the blonde's voice faltered again.

"Yes, but also ... it scares me."

"How?"

This time when sapphire gems meet amethyst jewels there was something else within them, a flicker of light which showed that while Cloud had admitted to being a little fearful of this change it was not something that he regretted.

"That day you found me, when I had ... lost myself completely."

"Ummmmm" The soldier replied carefully, afraid that any other verbal acknowledgement of the blonde's words could backfire on him at this point.

"That was the day my walls came crumbling down for the first time, when you found me and I heard you ... when I saw your pain. I ... my walls shattered like glass and I felt it, I felt it all ... and it hurt."

For a minute neither of them spoke and a heavy silence grew around them, Zack now unsure of what to say without possibly making things worse while Cloud was desperately searching the soldier's expression for something to let him know what the raven haired man was now thinking.

"I kept trying to rebuild my walls after that day, needing to have something there to hide behind." The cadet started to explain, the intense gaze which he still held on Zack making the soldier begin to feel a little uncomfortable. "But you wouldn't let me do it properly. You kept chipping away at my attempts and sometimes knocking them down completely as they started to become more solid again."

It was at this point that Zack's lavender eyes opened wide and finally looked down to meet sky blue orbs once more, the blonde's calmly spoken statement causing a rush of fear, hope and uncertainty to coarse though his body as he silently waited to hear more.

"I still have my walls, I still managed to rebuild them even though you tried to stop me." Cloud whispered, finding that suddenly it was he who was unable to meet the soldier's questioning gaze. "But there's a door in them now, a way for things to slip in and out of, and you put it there."

"Is that such a bad thing?" The soldier asked as softly as he could, his heart beating an unnaturally fast rhythm even as he held his breath in anticipation of the answer.

"No, it's not." The cadet replied gently, his body once again settling in against Zack's larger frame and taking shelter within a protective embrace. "But it feels like a weakness, that by opening myself up to you its left a gap in my defences against everyone else."

"I get why you still feel the need to protect yourself from the other cadet's, but you don't have to hide who you are from Reno, Kunsel or Cissnei. They won't hurt you like the others have."

"I don't trust people easily Zack, but that's who I am and not even you can change that." Cloud sighed, his voice a little distant now as if he were trying to somehow separate himself from what he as saying. "I'm sorry if that sounds cold and bitter but it's the truth, something which you've seen for yourself if you think about all the time we've known each other."

"Do you trust me now?" The soldier found himself asking, the question pouring from his mouth like water breaking free from a dam which had failed to hold it back.

"Yes, I do." The cadet replied softly, the quick response being filled with such certainty that it brought with it a sense of peace which Zack hadn't even known he needed. "But you know that it didn't come over night, that we both went through a lot for me to get to that point."

"We also had to work through some stuff which gave you a reason to doubt me, things which I said and did to make you unsure. I'll always be sorry for making you feel that way, for hurting your feelings and damaging the fragile trust you had put in me back then."

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad about what happened then, about the mistakes we both made." Cloud protested faintly, his cheek nuzzling in against the soldier's chest as he silently tried to get the hand which was on his back to start moving again.

Zack couldn't help but smile as he picked up on the unspoken signals, his heart actually calming as he realised that the cadet was no longer as upset as he had been and was now seeking comfort rather than pushing it away.

"So what you're basically saying is that you trust me, but only because I've indirectly earned that trust." Zack began, his mind mulling over the information he'd been given and trying to put it into some sort of order now that the blonde was lying passively in his arms.

"Yes." Cloud breathed lightly against his chest, as he settled himself into a more comfortable position. "I know it sounds silly but I'm not ready to let other people in just yet, to trust them the way I've come to trust you."

"I suppose that's fair enough given the circumstances." The soldier agreed, his head and heart having a momentary flash of conflict over the idea. "Just promise me you'll remember how well last night went the next time we get together, that you'll try to be more relaxed around them in the future and give things a chance to develop between all of you."

"I promise to try." The cadet agreed with only a small hesitation, the lingering uncertainty about being part of the group still evident in his voice. "They're still your friends and I don't want to come between you all, but I need time to ... to feel safe around them."

"They won't hurt you Spiky, they're not like that."

"I know and I saw it for myself last night but ... but I ..." Here the blonde's words fell away to a tired and weary sigh, the heavy release of breath letting Zack know that Cloud was silently chastising himself for his negative thoughts even as he had them. "It's a part of me now, the need to question and doubt those around me, and ... and I don't think it's something that will ever go away." The cadet tried to explain, the obvious regret for the life he now lived so evident in every word that it made the soldier's heart ache. "I don't want to feel this way but I do and now that I can't shut my emotions away properly anymore it's even harder. I ... it's like I've been permanently damaged by what's happened, the wounds they inflicted leaving both mental and physical scars which run deep and will never go away."

"You're not scarred Cloud." Zack stated firmly, his heart refusing to believe that the cadet was somehow irreparably broken by his life experiences.

"Yes I am." The blonde retorted forcefully, his pained tone cutting off the soldier's reassurances like a knife through the heart. "You can't see them but I can feel them, I feel them every day, and because of that I'm always reminded of it. I didn't just build walls to keep people out I built rooms within rooms to keep my secrets in, to hide my pain and fear from everyone including myself."

"And I've made you face all that again, haven't I?" Zack asked sadly, even though he already knew the answer.

"I leant to just be what they wanted, to do what was expected of me, and to ignore the reasons why. I let who I was get buried away somewhere because I wasn't strong enough to face it, allowed myself to become lost and alone because I didn't want more hurt to add to what was already there." Cloud continued to explain, his lips once again speaking the words before his mind had even finished processing them.

"And that's what nearly killed you isn't it, that's why you gave up? You hadn't just lost hope that day I found you, you'd lost yourself and couldn't find a reason to keep going." The soldier managed to say, as he felt a tightness in his throat and desperately tried to swallow the emotional lump which had started to form there.

"By that point I wasn't really me anymore anyway. I ... I was something else, something cold and empty ... and ... filled with ... darkness." The cadet admitted bitterly, the hurt and self-loathing he now felt so evident in his voice that it made Zack's heart throb painfully.

"Oh Cloud." The soldier all but choked, his own closed violet eyes now burning with the liquid heat of unshed tears as he held the cadet close. "Gaia I wish you'd come to me sooner, wish I'd seen that you needed me before all that happened. God I'm such an idiot for not seeing how much you were hurting and for not ..."

"You didn't do anything wrong." Cloud interrupted, as he struggled to move back so he could look up at Zack's face. "I've already told you I had ... have trust issues. That's why I never came to you back then, why I kept you at a distance, and why things happened the way they did." The blonde argued firmly, as he found the unrelenting hold around his torso too strong to break free of so reluctantly stopped trying. "How was I supposed to come to you with my problems when I couldn't even trust my own feelings about them ... or about you?" The cadet breathed sorrowfully in defeat, the words barely a whisper against the soldier's chest yet being heard as if he'd shouted them at the top of his lungs in the deathly silent room.

"I still should have tried harder." The soldier protested, his embrace loosening just a little so that he was no longer crushing the blonde to his chest.

"If you had pushed any harder I would have just run further away." Cloud stated evenly, the words being said in such a matter of fact way that Zack had no reason to doubt their truth. "I was ... comfortable in your presence, felt ... safer ... when you were around, but that didn't stop me from keeping things from you back then."

"If I made you feel ... better ... then why did you do it? Why did you give up?"

"I was already close to breaking point that day and what they did pushed me over the edge, the dark emptiness within me so deep that it seemed almost bottomless as I began to fall. They beat me because I had done well in class, because I defeated them during some sparring match's while training." The cadet explained, the memory clearly a painful one for him and suddenly explaining why the blonde was now concerned about having won the poker game the night before. "I just shut down Zack, that last part of me that cared just gave up and when it went there was nothing left. I know it sounds crazy, that it probably makes me look weak and pathetic, but that's what it was like for me." Cloud stammered, his face hidden from view by choice as he found that he no longer wanted to look up into those kind violet eyes which had once looked at him with love and were now probably filled with disgust. "I've already told you there was something else inside of me, something I let grow by not feeling, and that's what took over that day. It ... it took over so that I didn't have to think anymore, made everything numb so that ... so that I didn't feel anymore."

"You have to let that part of you go and find yourself again Spiky." Zack began, his free hand now moving to cup the cadet's jaw and gently force his head up so that their eyes could finally meet to see what needed to be seen. "I know it hurts and that you're scared, but you need to move on from the past and to do that you need to accept everything that's happened to you."

"I have accepted it, I ..." Cloud tried to argue, his head shaking frantically against the soldier's open palm as tender loving lavender orbs silently told him to stop fooling himself.

"You didn't accept it Spiky you hid it away, buried it deep into the recesses of your mind and tried to pretend it couldn't hurt you there." Zack explained as kindly as he could, the words he now needed to say being ones he wasn't sure that Cloud would actually want to hear. "But the truth is you need to face the things which hurt you and acknowledge how they made you feel, then find a way to deal with that pain and anger instead of ignoring it. It's not healthy to keep the bad stuff trapped inside, it poisons who you are and creates that darkness inside that you keep talking about. It's bad enough that I nearly lost you that day because of it, but then the incident in the gym with the other cadets and with Sephiroth. Well that was just more of what you're trying to hide breaking free."

"I was defending myself from them Zack and what I did to the general, that was an accident." The cadet argued, his voice now wavering between angry denial but also fearful uncertainty as the soldier's words began to sink in.

"Do you remember what happened that day, the fight I mean? Do you actually remember what happened from the moment the first punch took place right up until the point where you hit Sephiroth?"

"I ... I was ... and they ... then we ... but I ..." The blonde stammered numbly, his mind frantically trying to find the memories he needed to describe what happened.

"You don't remember because you switched into a sort of self-defence mode." The soldier pointed out, before sighing softly and taking the trembling cadet in his arms once more. "It's ok to have that instinct Spiky, the ability to fight naturally without having to think too hard about it." Zack started to explain, as he gently ran his fingers through the blonde's sleep tousled hair. "But you can't allow yourself to disconnect to the point of not being there, of letting whatever it is you keep referring to inside of you take over like that."

"It kept me safe Zack."

"It nearly killed you."

"It protected me from the other cadets."

"It made you hit the general."

The statement hit Cloud like a slap in the face and his arguing words fell to silence, the lack of reply bringing with it a thick and heavy quietness which settled around them like the oppressive thunder of an approaching storm. Slowly the seconds ticked by without a sound being made, the pair still lying together in each other's arms and able to feel the tension which now existed between them. But just as the soldier was about to say something the blonde began to move, his supple body pulling away from their shared embrace so that he could slid out from between the sheets and begin to make his way out of the bedroom.

Zack watched Cloud go and felt his heart ache a little more, his insides screaming at him and wanting to know why he had let the cadet pull away like that. Already his arms were feeling cold and empty, the need to hold the blonde close screaming along every fibre of his being as he watched the pale figure walk towards the bedroom door. But the soldier knew he couldn't force Cloud to stay beside him in that moment, understood that the cadet required some time alone and space to think about what had been said. It was for this reason, and this reason alone, that he didn't call out to the blonde as he began to open the door. But then Cloud hesitated at the threshold, one foot now out of the room with the other one poised and ready to follow at any second. And suddenly Zack felt a rush of hope as the cadet spoke, as Cloud's sweet soft voice cut through the silence so faintly that for a moment the soldier couldn't be sure if he hadn't just imagined it.

"What was the surprise?"

"Huh?" Zack replied uncertainly, his mind momentarily stunned by the question and left feeling a little confused.

"The surprise." The blonde repeated lightly without turning round, as he waited patiently in the doorway for an answer. "Last night you said you had a surprise and that I should get some rest. I was just wondering if ... if you were still going to tell me?"

"I'd like to, but ... " The soldier began, his words dying instantly at the sound of a heavy sigh coming from where Cloud now stood with his back to the bedroom.

"I'm not mad at you." The cadet breathed softly, his shoulders now hunched forward and his face bowed down in a way which screamed defeat. "It's just ... you're right ... and now I have more things to think about."

"I didn't mean to ... that wasn't my intention ..." Zack started to explain, his words once again being cut off by the blonde who clearly didn't want to talk about it anymore.

"It's ok, honest." Cloud spoke up, as he finally turned his head just enough so that he could glance back over his shoulder at the soldier still lying in their bed. "I told you, I just needed some time to think about it and then we can talk again. Ok?"

"Alright." The soldier agreed, the situation and guarded look in the cadet's cobalt eyes making it hard to do anything else.

"So, this surprise." The blonde began, a faint smile finally making its way onto his soft lips as they curved up a little at the edges. "Are you still going to show me, or have I ... has this spoilt it?"

"I'd still like to show you, but it involves going out and doing a bit of travelling together. So if you need some space ..."

Here Zack let the offer go unsaid, neither of them actually needing to hear the words he would have spoken and both grateful they had not been given a voice to make them more real.

"I'm not ready to think about it now anyway, so I'd like to go out." Cloud admitted softly, his face turning back towards the living room but with his head now held a little higher than before. "I'm going to grab a shower and then I'll cook us some breakfast, unless you had other plans."

"No, that sounds good." The soldier replied, a bit more of the usual cheer back in his voice now but still not quiet what they both knew it could be. "A decent breakfast is probably a good idea for what I've got planned."

"Alright."

And with that one word the cadet was gone, his retreating figure leaving Zack to slump back onto the mattress unseen and let out the deep breath he'd been holding as a long slow release of air. There was no denying that things had not gone as planned that morning, the wonderful way they had woken up together ending with such a heavy conversation before they had separated and begun to get ready for the day ahead. But still things could have gone a lot worse in the soldier's opinion, the fact that Cloud was still talking to him making the surprise he had planned possible once more and hopefully bringing things back around to a more enjoyable time together. Although if Zack was honest with himself he knew that he'd never get the cadet's words out of his head, that a small part of his mind wouldn't rest until it knew that Cloud had really thought about what had been said.


	50. Chapter 50: Rain, rain go away

**I know ... I know ... there's just no excuse for this late delay in updating. I did take a few days off after the exam to let my brain rest but ended up with other stuff to deal with and a last miunte birthday party for a friend to help organise. On the plus side I'm also late in updating because I was working on a new 4WS story and shoud be able to post the first chapter for that either later today or tomorrow :o)**

**Anyway, as always I hope you enjoy and remember reviews are always welcome :o)**

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**Rain, rain, go away**

The day had gone from bad to worse in Zack's opinion, the plans he had made for them being well and truly destroyed by the torrential rain which now poured down upon the world outside. Sighing heavily the soldier shook his head once more at the dark clouds and howling wind on the other side of the glass, his hand slowly reaching up to touch the cold windowpane and feel the thick drops of water smack against the hard surface before running away and out of sight.

He still couldn't believe that the weather had turned so quickly as they had eaten breakfast, that the bright but cloud sky which had greeted them upon waking was now the stuff of nightmares as the storm raged outside. And even though he knew it was for the best that they had been caught inside by the sudden change it didn't make his disappointment any less, the countryside hike and subsequent picnic he'd been looking forward to now a complete washout.

From across the room Cloud couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Zack, the hurt and saddened expression on his handsome features looking more out of place than an evening dress on the great General Sephiroth. But the cadet knew part of the reason why that disappointed gloom now emanated from his boyfriend, the revelation of what the soldier had planned making even the blonde's heart ache to know what they were missing out on.

An opportunity to escape the smothering city would have been wonderful, the chance to walk amongst trees and grass once more seeming almost like a dream after so many months of being cooped up within the concrete and steel jungle of the base. To feel a fresher breeze against his skin and smell the flowers again, to walk barefoot on soil and not stone, to sit beneath an open sky with Zack by his side and no one else around for miles and miles. It was just the thing that Cloud had needed to do, the soldier having planned everything from food to transport so that they could get away from it all for a day. Unfortunately there was one thing which Zack had no control over, one element which was beyond even his abilities, and that had been the exact thing which was now letting them down.

Sighing softly to himself the cadet looked past the dejected soldier and out of the window as well, his sapphire eyes slowly taking in the sight of the depressed world outside and feeling it as if it were a reflection of his own emotions. Almost a second later and the blonde's attention was drawn away from the bleak weather and towards Zack's reflection on the glass, the soldier's forehead pressed flat against the smooth surface with his eyes closed, and saw his handsome features were now as sombre as the weeping world outside. And suddenly Cloud knew that he had to do something to change that, had to make something happen which would put a smile back on Zack's face and make the sun shine for both of them again.

Rising quickly from his place at the dining table the cadet left the textbook he had been reading and hurried to stand behind the soldier, his slim arms quickly winding round Zack's waist so that he could embrace him tightly from behind. What he hadn't been expecting however was to feel the soldier tense beneath his touch, the strong and well defined body instinctively trying to move away before he realised who was holding him and relaxed again.

"You're pretty good at sneaking up on people." Zack chuckled nervously after a moment, the joking tone of his voice tainted by something else which made Cloud's insides become unsettled.

"I'm sorry." The cadet whispered against the soldier's back, his heart now racing a million miles an hour as he began to fear Zack's reaction to his presence. "I didn't mean to."

"It's ok." The soldier sighed wearily, as he continued to look out of the window in front of him. "I was sort of distracted anyway, so ... don't worry about it."

For a minute nothing happened and the pair remained where they were standing in silence, both listening to the sound of the rain falling outside, and with Cloud's arms now wrapped tightly around Zack's waist and holding on as if afraid to let go. Neither spoke as the seconds ticked by and the uneasy feeling between them grew stronger, each afraid that they might say or do the wrong thing at what was suddenly becoming an uncomfortable moment in time.

"You know I'm kinda tired." The soldier announced abruptly, his hands already moving to unclasp the cadet's from around his torso so that he could pull away. "I think I'm gonna lay down for a bit." He mumbled hastily, as he swiftly extracted himself from the blonde's desperate embrace and began to walk away.

"Zack?" Cloud called out softly, as he watched the raven haired teen try to make his escape from what had become an awkward situation. "Why won't you look at me?" He asked quickly before it was too late, needing but not wanting to know why there was now so much tension between them.

"I'm just tired. That's all." Zack replied weakly, his warm lavender eyes not quite meeting the blonde's concerned blue ones as he spoke.

"Fine. I'll try not to disturb you." Cloud replied bitterly, his stormy cobalt spheres turning to look away from the lie and instead at the tempest outside.

The soldier hesitated briefly as the tone was heard and the words sunk in, his heart clenching slightly as he realised that they both knew he wasn't being completely honest as he walked away. But it was too late to take back what he'd said without making it even more obvious, too late to apologise for his behaviour when the cadet had already started to close himself off from the conversation. It was for this reason that Zack didn't say anything, the breath he'd been holding now escaping his body as a defeated and weary sigh as he turned away once more. That was until Cloud spoke voice again, the sadly uttered words so faint he only just made them out and as they passed the blonde's lips.

"Silence and misunderstanding."

The shock of what he'd heard hit the soldier like a slap in the face and he instantly spun round to face the cadet behind him, Cloud's body still turned to gaze out of the window at the dark world outside and refusing to look at him now. They were all too familiar those words and struck Zack hard in the chest, making his heart feel crushed in a vice like grip, the unspoken meaning of the blonde's verbal response being very clear to him, as he felt the emotional weight of his own reassurances from earlier fall on his shoulders.

"Shit." Zack swore faintly, the frustration he was now feeling very evident in his voice and also his actions as his hands came up to aggressively run fingers through his hair. "Way to use my own words against me." He muttered irritably, as the cadet finally turned to look at him with thunderous blue spheres.

"I'm sorry if I upset you this morning and I'm sorry that the weather stopped us from going out and having a good time." Cloud spat angrily, the obvious hurt and frustration now flickering through his dark sapphire eyes like the lightening which flashed across the dark sky outside. "But I'm not sorry we couldn't go, if this is how it was going to be all day." He stated firmly, the cold hard expression he wore making the soldier's own feelings of irritation rumble like the thunder overhead.

Knowing that it wouldn't do any good to let his emotions get the better of him Zack drew a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking again, his voice unfortunately still sounding tight even as he tried to keep it neutral.

"I'm not upset with you about this morning..." He began, the words faltering as the cadet made a noise from across the room which expressed his doubt in what was being said. "Ok, so I'm a bit upset." The soldier corrected gruffly, his mood not improving when the blonde only snorted again before turning away. "But I was more frustrated about the weather ruining our day than that ... at least until just now."

"So it is my fault?" Cloud sighed almost a second later, the sudden change to a saddened tone catching Zack by surprise and making his heart momentarily falter in its beats.

"No it's not. It's not your fault Spiky so don't do that, don't lay the blame on yourself for my mood."

"How can I not when you just admitted it?"

"I ... I ..." The soldier began helplessly, the various words he needed to explain now lost to him. "I think ... I think I'm gonna give you some space." He finally managed to say, his voice barely a whisper in the room as they both listened to the rain fall against the window. "It'll give us both some space to calm down before either of us says something we'll regret later."

"Why do we keep doing this?" Cloud asked, the regret he was now feeling so evident in his words. "Why does everything end up as an argument between us at the moment?"

Zack drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, the answers he wanted to give swirling through his head until he settled on one and was sure it would be the safest to use.

"You're finally letting someone in and it's scaring you, whether you realise it or not." He started to suggest, the reason being a sound one in his own mind but not one he was sure that the blonde would want to hear. "I'm no expert but I think the fights are a defence mechanism, a way to keep me out even though you're also trying to let me in."

"I ... I don't understand." Cloud admitted softly, his body finally turning back around to face the soldier again so that they could look at each other properly while talking.

"You said yourself that it's like there's a door in your walls, a way for things to slip in and out of now."

Cloud only nodded to confirm the statement, neither of them really needing a reply to what was essential an echo of his own words from earlier.

"Well I think that ... even though part of you wants to have that ... another part of you doesn't, doesn't want there to be that ... weakness."

"So ... it is my fault ... that we argue."

This time Zack didn't stop his hand from rising up and smacking his own face with an open palm, the action causing a slight sting to his nose and receiving a clearly shocked gasp to be heard from across the room.

"I didn't say that." He managed to say quiet calmly, the rough edge to his voice becoming more obvious as his hand lowered itself to his side again. "And if you think about it you'll see that this time it was my actions which led to this happening, because I pulled away from you just now."

"Then why?"

"That's a good question, why?" The soldier sighed sadly, the blonde's obvious need to know making it hard for his violet eyes to hold the turbulent blue spheres any longer as he looked away. "I was caught by surprise when you hugged me and reacted badly, that's all. Well maybe that's not all." He admitted reluctantly, as he drew another steadying breath. "I mean, if I'm honest, I was ... am ... disappointed ... in not being able to take you out like I'd planned and ..."

"And...?" Cloud asked with baited breath, his heart skipping a beat as he waited for Zack to continue.

"And now it feels like I'm just screwing up even more by not being able to explain myself properly."

For a few minutes neither spoke as the storm continued to rage outside, the sounds it made filling the silent void around them as the soldier worried that he'd possibly made things more uncomfortable between them while the cadet quietly thought about what had been said. In the end it was the blonde who spoke again first, his soft voice sounding calm and if anything more relaxed than it had done only a few moments ago.

"I think I understand now."

"You ... do?" Zack hesitated to ask, wanting to know but also nervous about pushing for answers.

"Your ... our plans for today have been spoilt and it ... upset you. But instead of saying something you wanted to keep it from me and so pulled away, tried to put some distance between us so it wouldn't bring me down as well."

"Yea. That sounds about right."

"Except I made it worse by overreacting to things again, by thinking you were only ... worrying about what was said this morning." Cloud found himself saying, the fact that the soldier didn't interrupt him giving the blonde more confidence and certainty in what he was saying. "I think you're right about me still being ... defensive ... about letting you in. I don't mean to but it's ... I think it's something I'm still getting used to and ... and that's why I ..."

"You what?" Zack had to ask, as the cadet's faltering words and avoiding gaze made him worry a little more again.

"I don't do it on purpose but it's in my nature to be suspicious, to be wary of others and question their intentions." Cloud sighed, his sky blue eyes now coming back up to look at the soldier as they spoke. "I do trust you but when ..."

"When you feel threatened in any way or lose control over your emotions you become guarded." Zack finished, knowing exactly what the cadet was trying to say. "And I know why you do it, why you don't like to show what you're feeling. I understand that you can't help but try to hide your emotions and why you feel the need to fight to protect yourself. Just like I know by opening up to me you feel more vulnerable now and it's only natural for you to be uncomfortable with that."

"It would really help if I could put a lock on that damn door you made." Cloud chuckled dryly, his attempt at humour to lighten the situation helping in some small way. "And I'm sorry." He apologised before the soldier could speak again. "What you said makes sense and I guess I am still ... pushing you away, at least a little bit. I don't do it on purpose I ... I want to change and I will, but I need ..."

"Time." Zack finished for him again, the slightly shocked look and then soft shy smile he got in return showing that he'd guessed right.

"So ... what now?" The blonde mumbled hesitantly, his gaze drifting to the storm outside before once more returning to look at the soldier across the room from him. "I mean we could go out but ..."

"We'd be drowned rats before we even got half way there." Zack sighed, an appreciative by also amused smile forming on his lips. "Beside's Angeal would kill me if you got soaked and ended up with a cold."

"I guess." Cloud replied a little distantly, his mind already searching for other possibilities.

"Look ..." The soldier began, as he took the cadet's far off expression to mean something else. "I wasn't completely making it up before when I said I was tired, so how about I crash in the bedroom for an hour or two and get out of your hair?"

"You don't have too." The blonde replied quickly, his protest sounding a little flustered and causing Zack's feelings of uncertainty to kick in again. "I mean ... I ... don't want you to feel like you have to ... go. It's your home after all." He added faintly, the last part instantly drawing the soldier's own objecting words to the surface.

"It's our home now and you're already working at the table so it seems silly for you to move. Besides, I'd be more comfortable sleeping on the bed than the sofa anyway."

"If you're sure." Cloud mumbled shyly, a light blush colouring his cheeks as Zack's words sunk in.

"What's got you looking so bashful all of a sudden Spiky? Not that I'm complaining mind you." The soldier asked after a moment, his lavender eyes sparkling as the blonde's fair skin darkened to the colour of rose petals.

"You said our home." The cadet whispered softly, the brighter light in his sapphire orbs showing his happiness that Zack hadn't even hesitated in making such a statement.

"That's because it is." The soldier chuckled with amusement, the upward curve of his mouth instantly stretching into a big grin as the tension between them evaporated completely. "Now do your homework and get it out the way. I mean ... it makes sense to do it now, while the weathers like this, right?"

"Yes, it does."

"Good." Zack continued gently, a happier and more relaxed expression forming on his handsome face. "And if the weather doesn't get any better later I'll give Angeal a call and see if we can sneak into one of the VR rooms and spar a bit. That way we'll get to see the countryside, sort of, and have some fun."

"I'd like that." Cloud agreed while smiling joyfully, the new plan of action fitting with his own slowly forming idea quiet well.

"Ok, so ..." The soldier began, as he noticed the cadet's pleased but thoughtful look. "Wake me in a few hours or when you're done, whatever comes sooner." He finished calmly, having decided that whatever was going though the blonde's mind it couldn't be bad because of the way he was now smiling.

"Alright. Sleep well."

Again Zack couldn't help but feel that he was missing something by the way he was being dismissed so easily, Cloud's obvious distraction by his own internal musings making the soldier want to ask more. But Zack knew that it would probably be best to leave the questions for later, the truce they had reached still being too fresh to upset with more probing enquires at that moment in time. So instead of saying anything else he turned and made his way into the bedroom closing the door softly behind him, his retreating figure missing how the cadet instantly grinned with excitement and began to put his own plans into action.


	51. Chapter 51: A happier memory

**Ok, so here's the next chapter and a big thank you for your patience with it while I posted 'Sniffles'.**

**Advance warning - I go away next Monday for the week for a family wedding and then am on a holdiay the week after so I may not get much time to get online with everything ****going on and depending on what internet connections are like where I end up. ****Therefore if you review or PM and I don't reply for a while please don't take offense, I will get back to you as soon as possible. **

**Also updates for this story will obviously be on hold till I get back and have recovered from jet lag. I'm back on the 17th so hopefully will be able to post the next chapter around the 20th. Sorry about that and I'll do my best not to leave you waiting too long.**

**Please read and enjoy (and if you have time a review would be nice as well) :o)**

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**A happier memory from the past**

Zack woke to the sound of his name being whispered softly against his ear, the warm breath which it was spoken with ghosting over his cheek and making his body tingle with a delightful rush of feeling. Slowly he opened his eyes to look up at the person who he knew would be there, his dark eyelashes flickering briefly as dazed violet orbs tried to clear the last of the sleep away and focus on the cadet who now knelt on the floor beside the bed.

"Hey Spiky." The soldier mumbled happily, a content smile gracing his handsome features. "What time is it?"

"It's a little after one." Cloud replied faintly, his delicate fingers moving with a feather-light touch across Zack's brow to brush some stay locks of raven coloured hair from his face. "I thought you might want some lunch and ..."

"And...?" The soldier coaxed gently, his waking mind only now picking up on the blonde's nervous excitement about something.

"I ... I have a surprise ... for you." Cloud replied tenderly, the smile which was shown on his angelic face making Zack's heart flutter with a joy and excitement of his own.

A second later and the soldier felt himself being urged to rise from the bed, the cadet's hands clasped firmly around his wrists and gently pulling him up and into a standing position. Chuckling lightly Zack allowed his heavy and still slightly groggy body to be manipulated off the mattress, a brighter smile from the blonde making his fading slumber melt away that much quicker.

"You're really eager about this aren't you?" The soldier commented, the very obvious blush which rose on Cloud's cheeks turning his sounds of amusement into a warm rich laughter.

"I just ... it's just something ... important ... to me." The cadet admitted nervously, his progress of dragging Zack across the room suddenly coming to a halt.

"What's wrong?" The soldier questioned, instantly noticing the flicker of uncertainty which had appeared in bright sparkling sapphire orbs.

"I need you to promise me ..." Cloud began, a small pink tongue quickly darting out to lick dry lips before he could continue. "You need to promise me you won't laugh."

Now Zack was more than just a little intrigued by what was going on, the blonde's sudden change from enthusiastic to hesitant and the need for such a vow to be made making his insides flip-flop with anticipation and curiosity.

"I promise to try not to laugh." The soldier offered, knowing that he would never swear to something he couldn't guarantee with his whole heart.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't use the word try." Cloud sighed with resigned acceptance of the oath, his sky blue eyes glowing with an innocent yet exposed joy which Zack had not seen before. "But I'll take it because I trust you."

Zack smiled brightly and before he knew what he was doing he had dragged the cadet's body up against his own and was pressing their lips together, the kiss being one of sweetness and innocence as it let the blonde know exactly how he felt in that moment in time.

"I love you. You know that right." The soldier managed breathlessly once they had come up for air again, his heart racing happily inside his chest as he felt Cloud smile against his lips where they still touched lightly.

"Yes, I know." The cadet replied softly, his voice barely a whisper as he tried to regain his own breath. "And I love you too. Which is why I want to share this with you."

"Share what?" Zack asked keenly, his amethyst eyes now taking in every detail of the blonde's hopeful and slightly fearful expression

"It's something that mum and I used to do ... when I was young." Cloud began to explain, a flash of pink between his lips quickly trying to moisten them again. "It used to cheer me up and I thought ... I thought it might make you feel better too."

"Then it's something pretty important to you?" The soldier guessed, his laughter fading away as he began to take the situation a little more seriously now.

"It is, but I need to explain some things before I show you. That way it will make more sense."

"Fair enough." Zack accepted happily, his lavender orbs practically pulsing with light as the mako began to react to his rising emotions. "But first I just need to say that ... I like this, this you I'm seeing now. It's like you're freer somehow and it's ... nice."

"I've had some time to think while you were sleeping and while I was getting this sorted out." Cloud informed him tenderly, his hands slowly moving up along the soldier's exposed arms and leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. "I'm not saying I've got it all worked out, that I have all the answers and everything's fine, but ..."

"But what?" Zack found himself asking, the hesitation in the blonde's confession causing his own mouth to go dry now.

"But I'm not going to hide from it, from what's inside me."

"I'm glad to hear that. And you have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say those things, especially the part about not having all the answers."

"Did you think I was going to try and ignore it again?"

"Will you get mad if I say yes?" The soldier hesitated to reply, his insides twisting nervously.

"No." Cloud chuckled lightly, his soft smile matching the understanding look in his sapphire eyes. "I've done that a lot lately and I wouldn't blame you for thinking it."

"So this surprise you've got. Was it something you were thinking about?"

"It's an idea that came to me just before you came in here to rest, something I ... I haven't thought about in a long time." The cadet admitted sheepishly, the faint pink colouring to his cheeks returning once more. "I guess the rain and something you said jogged a memory and got me thinking about it."

"Something good I take it?"

"I feel ... guilty ... that I've only shared the bad stuff with you so far, the things I needed to tell you so you'd understand why I act the way I do." The blonde sighed unhappily, his good mood slipping a little as he spoke. "I do have some good memories as well but I let them get pushed away by the rest. It was wrong of me to do that and I want to share some of them with you now." Cloud whispered hopefully, a hesitant smile forming on his lips once more. "I want you to see that it wasn't always bad when I was growing up, that sometimes I was happy."

"I love the fact that you're telling me all of this." Zack confessed, his tender caring tone helping to calm the cadet and give him the confidence to continue when requested to do so. "I'd like to know more about the good memory you've been thinking about, if you don't mind telling me that is."

"When you were a kid, did you ever have a fort?" Cloud asked shyly, the unexpected question catching the soldier by surprise.

"Uuummm, yea. I did." Zack confirmed, his mind now stumbling over where the conversation was going. "Why?" He asked, needing to know what thoughts were currently running through the cadet's head.

"Did you build it with your dad? Maybe in the garden in a tree, just like in one of those cheesy movies you sometimes see on TV?"

"Yea, actually we did." The soldier replied cheerfully, another light-hearted chuckle escaping his lips as he thought back to that day. "It was a complete disaster and mum threw a fit when I feel out and got hurt, but it was cool anyway."

"I never had a dad to do that stuff with." Cloud reminded him faintly, the deep steadying breath he suddenly took letting Zack know that something important was going to be said next. "But mum always tried to fill that role as well, always tried to give me some of the experiences other kids had with their fathers."

"So your mum and you built a fort in the garden?" The soldier guessed cheerfully, his face instantly scrunching up in regret of the comment when the blonde shook his head.

"She offered to try but I couldn't let her do that, couldn't risk her getting hurt because of a silly childish want." Cloud replied, his fingers now gentle moving to brush the tips over the back of Zack's hands. "If something had happened to her because of me I ... I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself."

"So ... how..? I mean ... why..?" The soldier began, the questions he wanted to ask stuck somewhere inside him because the words just wouldn't come.

"I guess I'm not making sense, am I?" The cadet sighed, a faint apologetic smile appearing on his soft pink lips as he looked down at their feet.

For a moment Zack's heart continued to leap with joy at seeing the blonde's delicate mouth curve upward a little more, at seeing the faint smile on his boyfriend's angelic features. But then he saw that the expression on Cloud's face was not one of pure happiness anymore but in fact bitter-sweet amusement, the need to look into the cadet's eyes and see what he was really feeling now burning a hole through to the soldier's very core.

"I admit I'm a little confused by the conversation change." Zack heard himself saying, his free hand now reaching up to gently place an open palm against the blonde's cheek and cup it affectionately. "But right now I'm more worried about the fact that you won't look at me." He revealed nervously, the slight tremble in his voice drawing Cloud's sapphire orbs up towards him immediately.

And that was when the soldier saw it, the gloss of tears which now coated the dark blue spheres and promised a rain of emotions equal to that of the storm which he could still hear raging outside.

"Cloud I ..."

"You know, there was this kid back home who ... who had a fort." The cadet cut in before Zack could continue, his head once again dipping forward so that they no longer held each other's eyes. "He had a sleep over one night with the all of the other children. Well nearly all."

"I'm guessing you weren't invited." The soldier sighed, his heart aching as the blonde nodded and then nuzzled into the hand which was still placed gently against his face.

"They made a point of letting me know that a ... that a freak like me wasn't welcome."

"Little bastards." Zack spat before he could stop himself, his words earning him a brief chuckle from Cloud which sounded entirely out of place as once again he found humour in something which seemed to upset him. "So what happened? If you don't mind me asking that is?" He continued a little calmer now, his arms moving round the cadet's supple body to embrace him tenderly knowing that the answer would be a painful one.

"They had their sleep over and would you believe it a storm like this one blew in that night." The blonde replied almost cheerfully, the reason for his unexplainable pleasure now making a bit more sense.

"So in a way they got what they deserved." The soldier clarified, a warm rush of joy coursing through his veins as he felt that justice had been served.

"Yes, in a way. I mean they all got soaked and ended up sick for a few days afterwards."

"But not you, right?"

"No, I was healthy as could be and actually enjoyed a few days of freedom while they were stuck in bed." Cloud confirmed softly, his head now settled comfortably against a well defined chest and listening happily to the heart which beat deep within it.

"Freedom?" Zack asked in confusion, his eyebrows rising questioningly even though the cadet couldn't see them.

"Because so many of the kids were off and it was just me up and about they closed the school. They didn't see the point in wasting time, money or resources on just one child."

The soldier however didn't hear the second part to what Cloud had said in the same way as it was spoken, the silent warnings once again flashing through his head and saying there was more to it than what was being admitted. But Zack didn't need the cadet to say why the village elders had really chosen to close the school, not because it was a waste for one child but because it had been considered a waste if used on him.

"So you got to a few days off school and took advantage of it." The soldier said while nodding in approval, his mind having decided that it was pointless to question the blonde about his suspicions because it would undoubtedly cause upset.

"Sort of. I mean mum never really restricted where I went or what I did." Cloud admitted with a slight shrug, as if the large amount of independence his mother had given him as a child was nothing special. "But I got to enjoy it openly without having to sneak around and hide from them like normal."

"Hide away?" Zack all but choked, his sudden exclamation of the words coming at the same time as another clap of thunder and making the cadet flinch back slightly.

"Gaia Spiky. I know you said it was bad but I didn't think ... I didn't expect it to ..."

"It wasn't all the time and it got less as I became older, as I got better at fighting back or avoiding them completely." Cloud sighed, his head turning away to look out the window as another flash of lightening lit the sky. "In a ... twisted way ... what they did made me stronger, helped me develop the skills I have now. I spent so much time in the surrounding forests that I became more aware of what was around me and the time I spent playing in the mountains made me tougher." He rationalised, the reality of his childhood indeed helping to make sense of his abilities now. "I know it's weird logic but how many other cadet's can run the soldier assault course or track Commander Hewley and General Sephiroth while wearing a blindfold?" The cadet finished simply, the last comment in fact causing Zack's bright amethyst eyes to almost pop out of their sockets.

"Wait! What?!" The soldier spluttered, the things he'd been about to say instantly dying on his lips at this new source of information. "You mean to tell me you played that ... developing senses game ... with Angeal and could ... follow him?"

"Yes."

"And Sephiroth was there and you followed him too?"

"He wasn't there to help me, but he arrived at the end to speak with Angeal about something and ... well I guess he wanted to test me or something."

"Holly shit Spiky, that's amazing." Zack all but cheered as he pulled back from the cadet, his body actually bouncing up and down with excitement where he stood. "Did you do it? Track him I mean. Did you follow him and then locate where he finished?" The soldier asked breathlessly, the joyously fuelled questions pouring from his mouth quicker than Cloud could answer them.

"It was only the once so it was probably beginners luck but yes, I managed to point at him when he finally stopped moving around."

"Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" The soldier shouted ecstatically, his hands no longer touching the blonde's body but instead pumping fist of triumph into the air.

"Zack, it's nothing special." Cloud tried to point out, his words of modesty instantly fading as bright violet spheres turned to face him and a radiant smile shone down warming his very soul.

"Oh no you don't." Zack scolded with a wondrous laughter, the elated sound making it hard for the cadet to argue his luck again. "Seph's like ... well he's like a shadow when he moves. I should know, I've seen it ... and had my butt kicked by it. But that's beside the point." He rambled on, blissfully unaware of how his jubilant celebrations were beginning to make the cadet blush furiously with embarrassment. "You tracked him Spiky, I mean seriously that's ... that's ... Gaia I can't even think of a word to describe that, how dumb am I? I mean I want to say great, but that doesn't even come close."

"Zack. Stop, please. I get that it's pretty significant, but can you not ... you know ... make such a fuss about it?"

"Ffftt" The soldier interrupted, the look on his face saying not a chance. "You are the most incredible person I have ever met and probably the most humble as well Spiky. Gaia I'm so proud of you right now and just wait till I tell Reno, he's gonna have kittens."

"No don't ... please don't." Cloud spluttered desperately, his hands now latched onto Zack's arms and crushing the soldier's limbs in a deathly firm grip.

"Ok, I won't." Zack quickly reassured, his violet eyes having widened at the slightly panicked expression on the blonde's face "But seriously Spiky, it's not something to be ashamed of or brush off lightly."

"I know and I ... I'm not ... I get that it's a big thing." The cadet stammered nervously, his tight hold relaxing as his mildly terrified look began to ease. "I just don't want the fuss or attention. It never ends well." Cloud pointed out, his words instantly reminding Zack of things which had been said in their previous conversation.

"Alright, I'll keep it to myself for now." The soldier agreed reluctantly, the obvious relief those words seemed to bring to the blonde making his chest feel tight once more. "But we should still celebrate somehow, go out maybe." He said before even thinking about it, a flash of lightning and distant low rumble of thunder from outside quickly reminding him why that was impossible right now. "Man, I'm really putting my foot in it today aren't I?" He sighed, his head titling to one side questioningly when he noticed the cadet's shoulders shake slightly.

"I think we're both doing an equally fair share of that." Cloud noted humorously, the amused tone of his voice letting Zack know that he was now trembling from repressed laughter and not because he was upset. "But what I've done ... the surprise I've been working on will help." He mumbled uncertainly, the almost innocent nervousness he now showed making Zack wonder just what the cadet had been up to.

"Alright, if you say so." The soldier agreed without hesitation, the brighter shy smile it drew from the blonde making his heart flutter with excitement. "So what are we waiting for?"

"Because I'm starting to worry that you might think it's really juvenile." The cadet admitted shyly, the words being spoke with a slight nervous tremble now. "So I'll understand if you don't like it. I won't mind."

"Since when have you known me to act like an adult?" Zack chided the blonde affectionately, his soft laughter making Cloud relax again and chuckle lightly as well.

"I guess that's true, but ... you know. The option's there anyway." The cadet replied calmly, his voice sounding a lot happier now even if it still held a note of insecurity to it.

"Not gonna happen so spill. What have you been up too?"

"I will, but first I need to explain a bit more. You see, well the thing is, mum found out about the sleep over and ... and I guess she worked out that it upset me. I mean, it's not like I told her or anything but still she ... knew."

"Yea, some mum's have been known to have that power. Strangely mine always knew when I was up to mischief as well, I can't imagine why." The soldier mused thoughtfully, his comment earning him another light chuckle from the blonde beside him. "So come on then, tell me where all this is leading." Zack hummed purposefully, the lighter mood around them giving him the confidence to push Cloud a little more as he opened up.

"I remember lying on my bed and hearing furniture being moved around downstairs, the noise not really bothering me until I heard something fall over and mum cry out." The cadet began, his voice now clearly revealing the emotions he was feeling as he delved back into the memory. "I ran to her so fast you would have thought I was mako enhanced or something." He chuckled lightly before continuing, his angelic features now holding a soft look of wonder for the women who had raised him. "Anyway, she was alright and it turned out that she had been trying to get this surprise ready for me, something to cheer me up even though ..."

"Even though you hadn't said anything." Zack finished for him, his own light-hearted chuckle now joining Clouds as the young blonde blushed self-consciously at the reminder.

For a minute neither spoke but this time it was a comfortable silence, the sound of the storm raging outside no longer matching their moods within the safety of the apartment.

"Come here." The soldier coaxed tenderly, as he gently pulled the blonde into his arms again. "So tell me what she'd been up too." He ordered affectionately, enjoying the way their bodies were now pressed together in a much needed loving embrace.

"She'd built a small fort inside the house using the furniture and spare bedding, constructed this weird little house inside the house for me to play in." Cloud recalled happily, the soft contented sigh which escaped his lips showing his pleasure not only at the memory but also at being held safely against the soldier's chest.

"I get the feeling that you had a lot of fun that night." Zack guessed, the tightening of slim arms around his waist and nodding head against his upper torso letting him know that he was correct. "So while you and your mum had fun in your little fort the others got drowned out of theirs."

"Yes..." The blonde replied hesitantly, as he waited to hear what else the soldier had to say about the past incident.

"Alright, just give me a sec to work through all of this." The soldier began, his mind already putting the pieces together and a bright smile instantly forming on his handsome features. "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and make a guess about this surprise you've been working on." Zack said, the soft amused tone he used causing the blonde in his arms to blush so much that he felt the cadet's hot cheeks against his skin even through the material of his top. "You've built a fort like that now. Right?"

"Yes ..." Cloud mumbled, his head still buried deep into the soldier embrace. "I told you it was a childish idea but ... but it cheered me up that day and I thought that maybe ... that maybe it would cheer you up as well."

"I've already told you Spiky I'm not upset, at least I'm not anymore, so don't worry about that." Zack sighed, his arms moving to hold the cadet even closer against him as he continued to speak. "But I love the idea and I'm touched that you did that for me."

"Really?" Cloud asked softly, his supple body wriggling free enough within the embrace to look up into the soldier's face. "You're not just saying that to make me feel better?"

"No way." Zack chuckled happily, the bright sparkle in his eyes showing that he was more than delighted with the idea. "I already told you Cloud I'm a big kid at heart and your suggestion sounds perfect. And besides..." He added with an embarrassed shrug "I'd really like the idea of you sharing something like that with you."

"So you're not going to laugh." The cadet probed gently, the look on his face showing how much he was really letting the soldier see by doing this.

"I won't laugh. I promise." Zack replied affectionately, the fingers of one hand already caressing a soft cheek and enjoying the way the blonde lent into the comforting touch. "So come on then, show me your fort and let's see if us big kids can fit inside it."

"It might be a bit ... cosy." Cloud admitted shyly, that wonderful blush of his returning to change his fair skin to the colour of rose petals.

"Even better." The soldier purred happily, his teasing tone making the cadet's flushed complexion darken even more and his own face to feel a little warmer as they began to make their way out of the bedroom.


	52. Chapter 52: Inside our fort

**Ok, not bad going. Only a couple of days late updating in comparisson to what I'd planned, but still not bad. **

**I've worked on this a lot since getting back, but as its been in between odd sleeping patterns and an attempt at a normal routine I'm secretly hoping it actually sounds as good on paper as he does in my head. I have also proof read it many times, but as with all half asleep people when doing this some mistakes may have got through so apologies in advance.**

**Anyway, enjoy.**

* * *

**Inside our fort**

Zack wasn't sure what he'd been expecting as they passed through the bedroom doorway, his heart beating frantically in his chest as the excitement and anticipation coursed through his body. Cloud's words that the fort might be cosy had already burned images of a tiny space into his brain, the mathematical part of his mind already processing the various pieces of furniture in the apartment and how much space they might actually provide if placed together to build a small fortress.

The sight which greeted him however was more than he could have possible imagined, the dining room table and chairs having been positioned perfectly to produce an adequately sized frame which was now covered by nearly every spare blanket he owned.

"Wow." The soldier breathed, his soft violet orbs becoming larger with each second that he stood taking in the wondrous sight.

"You like it?" The cadet asked nervously, the faint tremble in his voice not being missed by Zack as he tore his eyes away from the small structure to look at the blonde beside him.

"It amazing Spiky." He quickly reassured, his arms instantly moving of their own accord to sweep the cadet off his feet and into a loving embrace. "Just ... amazing."

For a minute neither of them spoke as they enjoyed holding each other close, the soldier taking pleasure in the way the blonde's body fit perfectly against his own and Cloud calmly drawing comfort from Zack's loving embrace as it surrounded him completely.

"So how did you do it?" The soldier finally asked, his question bringing the comfortable silence which had settled around them to an end.

"It was easier once I had the chairs in the right place." The cadet began to explain, as he pulled out of the affectionate hold around him and began to lead Zack towards the small fort. "I had to use all of the spare bedding, I hope you don't mind." He admitted with a sheepish expression on his face, the sight making it hard for the soldier not to chuckle softly as he pulled the blonde back into another quick hug.

"I can see how the top sheet is acting as the roof, spread over the chairs at the front." Zack started to point out, his head titling to one side as he tried to work out how the covers at the sides were being held in place. "But I don't see how you knotted those blankets into place." He noted with some confusion, the four makeshift walls which surrounded the base looking perfectly smooth from top to bottom.

"I weighted them down at the top." Cloud mumbled shyly, his blushing cheeks refilling with colour as he spoke. "It's easier to keep them in place that way, but you can't lean against the walls or it'll pull some heavy things down on top of you."

"What heavy things?" The soldier questioned with an amused look on his handsome face, his raised eyebrows causing the blonde to giggle of all things.

"My textbooks." Cloud confessed, his head dipping down towards the floor as a slight blush formed on his angelic features.

"And to think that all this time I thought you were using them to study." Zack couldn't help but tease, smiling brightly when his playful words caused the young cadet to roll his sky blue eyes in mock exasperation at the comment.

"Normally I do and you know that." The blonde sighed, a more sombre air settling about him now as he continued to speak. "But this is the first one I've built in a long time and I wasn't sure what else to use."

"Well the outside looks great." The soldier quickly continued, deciding that he wanted that more solemn tone in Cloud's voice to be gone as soon as possible. "But how do we get inside?"

"By going through the door." The cadet replied with a slightly confused tone, as if the answer should have been an obvious one.

"Door?" Zack mumbled uncertainly, his bright lavender eyes already searching the material walls for a clue of such a thing.

This time it was Cloud's turn to laugh softly as he pulled out of the soldier's embrace and walked the last few steps towards the small structure, the glorious sound instantly filling Zack's whole body with a joyous warmth. A second later and the cadet pulled back one edge of the front wall and revealed a well concealed opening behind the top sheet, the sight making not only the soldier's heart skip a beat in excitement but also pride that the blonde had been able to construct something so amazing in such a short space of time and with such limited resources.

"You can go inside." Cloud whispered softly, his teeth now chewing nervously on his bottom lip as he held the make-shift door open.

Without a word Zack moved forward and lowered himself to his hands and knees, the height of the door meaning that he would definitely have to crawl if he wanted to get inside. No sooner had his head passed over the threshold then the soldier saw what was laid out before him, his heart racing with pleasure as he took in what was surely the best part of the surprise. There, laid out in front of him, was the picnic he'd spent the morning preparing. The soft blanket which he'd packed for them to sit on now spread out invitingly on the floor and the lunch he'd carefully made for them to take neatly set out on some plates waiting to be eaten.

Grinning wildly in a way which practically split his face in two Zack felt his whole body fill with a rush of love for the cadet who still stood behind him, the young blonde unable to see the soldier's delighted expression as he waited patiently outside. Remembering this, and the fact that he was technically blocking the doorway, Zack quickly wriggled though the gap and settled himself on the opposite side of the small fort.

It only took him a second in his new position to see what Cloud had meant about the space being cosy, the low ceiling forcing the soldier to lie on his side propped up on one elbow as he waited for the blonde to join him. To his surprise though the floor was not as hard as he had though it might be and when he snuck a quick peak under the brightly coloured picnic blanket he instantly saw the thick duvet from the spare bedroom spread out beneath it.

"Clever." Zack mumbled to himself, as he realised what Cloud had done to make the floor of the fort more comfortable for them. "Very Clever." He repeated quietly to himself, a greater feeling of warmth quickly blossoming in his chest again over how much effort had been put into the whole thing.

A second later and Cloud's head popped through the entrance and the soldier found himself smiling at the shy but radiant smile which graced the cadet's delicate features. The sight was truly breath taking to see and it took Zack a minute to gather his thoughts again, even as he watched the blonde carefully close the door behind himself and indirectly seal them away from the rest of the world.

"Do you like it?" Cloud asked hesitantly, his next breath catching somewhere in his throat when he saw the thrilled expression on Zack's handsome face.

"It's wonderful." The soldier replied tenderly, the look in his amethyst orbs now one of such love and contentment with life that the cadet felt his heart flutter with joy.

"Do you ... do you want some lunch?" The blonde mumbled self-consciously, fully aware that his cheeks were currently the colour of rose petals by the heat he could feel coming off them.

"I'd love some." Zack chuckled lightly, the sight of Cloud blushing so adorably making the whole thing feel like a scene straight out of one of the cheesy romance novels his mum often read.

They spent the next hour eating the sandwiches and snacks which had been made for their trip, the time passing happily as they chatted about various things from their pasts which were more pleasurable to remember. The soldier couldn't help but smile as the cadet spoke about several other rare events in his life which had been good, the emotions that showed on Cloud's face and in his voice as he recalled those few times making Zack even more aware of how blessed his own childhood had been. In turn the soldier shared his more lively and mischievous side as a child while growing up in Gongaga. Happily, and with an odd sense of pride, reporting on many of the times he'd been 'innocently' doing something and it had gone a 'little bit' wrong. Needless to say the embarrassment of some of these memories had been worth it to hear the blonde laugh so freely, the delightful sound warming Zack's very soul as it filled the air around him.

After a while they ventured out of the small fort to check on the weather, the dark sky and heavy rain still present in the world outside only reaffirming both their opinions that they should stay inside the small hideaway a little bit longer. In truth Zack hadn't even wanted to leave the comfort of the tiny structure, the welcoming freedom that the small space seemed to give Cloud making his heart beat happily. It was almost as if this place had become a sanctuary for the cadet away from the real world, a place where the bad things couldn't reach him. Not even in his mind.

They had therefore only left the safety of the fabric fortress to fetch a selection of items as needed, the soldier retrieving some paper work he needed to do while the cadet had grabbed one of his smaller text books and a pad to continue with an essay he had been working on. Before they knew it another couple of hours had passed and Zack was quickly becoming distracted from his own work, the sight of Cloud stretched out beside him while chewing thoughtfully on the end of his pencil making something within the solder's body stir.

It was therefore with a playful nudge with his bare foot that Zack started a new game between them, his face trying to hold an innocent expression as the blonde suddenly reacted to the slight bump against his leg by twisting around to look at his feet and then back up again.

"Zack?" Cloud asked with a semi serious questioning tone.

"Yes..." The soldier replied, still pretending that he wasn't guilty of anything.

"I'm working." The cadet pointed out, the smile which tugged at the edge of his lips making the stern expression on his angelic features almost laughable in Zack's opinion.

"That's nice." The soldier replied casually, his violet eyes sparkling with repressed laughter as he pretended to focus on the reports in front of him.

Biting back on the chuckle which wanted to escape Cloud turned his attention back to his essay, his sky blue eyes barely finding the spot where he had been interrupted the first time when a light bump against his foot distracted him again.

"Zack..." The cadet playfully whined, the smile irrepressible now as it grew a little brighter on his soft pink lips.

"Yes Spiky." The soldier almost hummed, the gleam in his lavender orbs almost as bright as the sun as he fought not to look at the blonde's face.

"You did it again."

"Did what?"

"You know what." Cloud huffed in mock annoyance, the twinkle in his sapphire eyes easily letting Zack know he wasn't in any real trouble.

"Nope, haven't got a clue." The soldier responded, barely holding onto the casual tone as he spoke.

This time the cadet just sighed dramatically to show that he knew that Zack knew what he was talking about, the unspoken message getting though loud and clear and forcing the soldier to practically bit his cheek to keep from bursting out laughing.

Zack gave it perhaps two or maybe three more minutes before he did it again, needing the time to calm himself as well as allow the blonde to start getting involved in his work once more. Almost a second after his foot had connected with its target did Cloud respond, his own bare foot quickly retaliating and gently kicking the soldier back while the cadet himself continued to read as if nothing had happened.

"Spiky." The soldier coughed, as he began to crack and the laughter began to bubble from between his lips.

"Yes..." The blonde replied with an over the top innocence, his face coming round to meet Zack's and let the soldier see the silent challenge which now filled his shining cobalt orbs.

"You did it that time." The soldier managed before his restraint broke and he cracked like an egg shell.

Cloud watched with delight as Zack's self-control snapped and his rich wonderful laughter filled the air around them, the blonde's teeth gently biting down on his own bottom lip to stop himself from joining in, as Cloud happily savoured the sound which now soaked into his body. There really was no denying that he was enjoying what was happening between them, the simple action which a few months ago would have set him off into an aggressive of defensive frame of mind now feeling somehow right. And for a moment the cadet couldn't help but wonder if it was something to do with not just the man beside him but because of where they were. The childhood memories that they had shared taking them back to a time when that innocence was real and friendship could, and should, have been this simple.

"Hey..." Zack's voice suddenly cut into his thoughts, the worried tone causing Cloud to blink in confusion as he came back to himself again. "What's wrong?" The soldier asked, his hand quickly moving to rub gentle reassuring circles along the blonde's back.

"I'm ok." Cloud whispered, surprised by the way his voice now sounded so quiet and a little thicker as he tried to speak.

"No ... no you're not." Zack argued tenderly, his body shifting so that he was now lying on his side propped up on one elbow to face the cadet better. "Please talk to me, tell me what you're thinking."

"It's nothing ... really." The blonde protested weakly, his face briefly turning away from the soldier as he spoke.

"Nothing doesn't explain that sad faraway look I saw just now." Zack stated calmly, his expression now one of obvious worry as he justified his right to be concerned. "It's almost like you realised something important and it upset you."

"I was just thinking that this is nice, that this is what it feels like to ... to have a friend to be silly with." Cloud tried to explain, the lump in his throat making it harder to speak as a gloss of tears began to form over his sky blue spheres.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad." The soldier apologised, his heart aching as he watched the first crystal like drop break free and slide down over a pale cheek.

"It's not your fault and I'm not upset about what you did." The cadet quickly corrected him, as he roughly wiped the silvery tracks off his damp face, the need to explain why he was suddenly getting all emotional giving the blonde the strength he needed to pull himself together again. "I just thought ... I thought that this is what it should have been like, if I'd had friends. Lying here like this while studying and doing stupid things like ... like what we were just doing."

"I think I get it." Zack sighed in understanding, his body relaxing as he flopped down on his back to look up at the textile ceiling. "It wasn't what we did which made you feel bad, but the fact it made you realise that you've never done it before."

"Yes." Cloud agreed sheepishly, his slowly drying sapphire eyes quickly looking away again as he realised how foolish the truth sounded. "You think I'm an idiot, don't you?" The blonde found himself saying, his voice barely a whisper in the air around them as asked a question he wasn't even sure he really wanted to know the answer too.

"No, I don't." The soldier replied quickly, his muscular frame moving with lightening quick reflexes and dragging the cadet's supple form on top of him. "I just think we need to add a few more good memories to the ones already there." Zack continued cheerfully, his hands already moving so that one was wrapped around Cloud's waist to hold him close while the other moved up to tenderly cup the cadet's jaw. "Maybe then you'll get more of those cute embarrassed looks on your face when you think about things instead of sad ones." He suggested, the words scarcely leaving his mouth before his head lifted up off the floor to place a chaste kiss against Cloud's lips.

For a moment the cadet was left speechless as Zack's brief kiss came to an end and his handsome face pulled away again, the sight of loving violet orbs silently asking him if what they were doing was alright making his heart skip an excited beat in his tiny chest. And in that moment Cloud let it all go with his next exhale of air, the next breath into his body being accompanied by a wondrous rush of adrenaline through his entire being as he saw the unspoken desire which now filled those amethyst gems in front of him.

"Zack..." Cloud whispered huskily, his suddenly dry mouth making it a little more awkward to speak. "I'm ... I don't ..." He tried to say, the words getting stuck somewhere inside his throat as his mind and body argued over what they did and didn't feel ready to do.

"It's ok, I understand." The soldier reassured gently, his grip around the blonde's lithe figure easing up so that Cloud could pull away if he wanted to. "I said I wouldn't rush you and I meant it. We'll only go as far as you want to, nothing more."

"I'm not ... scared ... anymore, not like I was before." Cloud mumbled nervously, his head turning so it could lie flat against Zack's shoulder and so that they were no longer looking directly at each other. "And I'm ok with going as far as we did the other night. So please don't think I'm not, that I'm going back on how far we've come." The cadet managed to explain, his racing heart forcing him to draw in several shallow panting breaths before he could continue. "I want to do that again with you, but I … I don't want to disappoint you either."

"How could you possibly disappoint me?" The soldier asked with more then a hint of shock and confusion in his voice.

"Because I don't know what I'm doing." Cloud replied softly, the words coming out as barley a whisper now that the embarrassment he was feeling began to rise to the surface.

"You do what feels right and what makes you feel good." Zack reassured tenderly, his hand around the blonde's waist tightening with a reassuring hug again as his other one began to run strong fingers through Cloud's hair to sooth and comfort him. "I know that this is all new to you and I'd never want you to feel pressured into something you're not ready for."

"It's …confusing." The cadet admitted faintly, his hesitant words instantly causing a notable tension to form in the soldier's whole body beneath him.

"How?" Zack breathed, the single word being all he could manage to ask as he felt his heart clench tightly deep within his chest.

"Everything with you feels good." Cloud whispered tentatively, almost as if he were giving confession at church and was afraid that he would be found guilty of some sin for it. "But I … I don't know ... I don't want you to …"

"To what?" The soldier questioned nervously, his heart now beating a million miles an hour with mixed feelings of anxiety and unease.

"How soon is too soon?" The cadet asked a little breathlessly, the slight waver in his voice letting Zack know that it was taking a lot for the blonde to ask him these things. "I mean ... I feel ready, but ... at the same time ... I don't." Cloud tried to explain, his words quickly changing the soldier's emotions from ones of uncertainty to understanding and sympathy for the cadet's plight.

"Honestly …" Zack began, as he held the blonde a little bit tighter in case the next part caused the hurt he knew it might do. " … I'd be surprised if you were ready to go further right now." He admitted carefully, quickly hurrying to add the next part before Cloud could become upset or pull away. "But I trust you to know what you want and when you're ready. Just like I'm trusting you to say stop if it gets too much or … or if you change your mind."

"I want to be with you …" The cadet stammered shakily, his smaller hands gripping onto the soldier's top a little more securely as well now. " … but I don't know how … I mean … I think I know how, but … but it's … you said it might … hurt and …"

"If you're not ready then it will hurt, because you won't be able to relax and enjoy it." Zack interrupted quickly, now realising where some of the blonde's fears were suddenly coming from. "It doesn't matter how carefully the other person is when … when being intimate … in that area." He tried to explain, his own words now stumbling slightly as he scrambled around inside his head for the right thing to say. "If you're confused about how you feel then you're not ready and I'm not going to put you in a position where you feel like you can't say no."

"I just don't know what to think."

"That in itself tells you something Spiky, because if you have to think about it then you're not ready." The soldier pointed out, a faint resigned sigh escaping his lips before he cold stop it. "Look I'm going to be honest with you as that seems to work best for us … ok?"

"Ok …" Cloud agreed numbly, his head now spinning in even more circles than it had done before they had started the conversation.

"I'm glad that you're not scared anymore, that you want to be with me in that way, but I can tell that you're not ready for more than what we've already done so it won't go any further than that right now."

"But I …" The cadet tried to interrupt, the heartfelt protest he wanted to give being silenced before it was given a chance to be spoken.

"I don't think less of you for wanting more, in fact I'm glad about it." Zack continued determinedly, his voice thankfully remaining calm as stated the things which he felt needed to be said. "But the fact you're still unsure about it means you're not ready and I'm not the type of guy to force that kind of ... thing ... on someone."

"I know you aren't." The blonde quickly cut in, his head suddenly lifting up off the soldier's chest and revealing panicked blue eyes. "I didn't think you would .... that's not what I meant." He chocked out desperately, the steadily growing look of fear now forming within those beautiful blue eyes quickly making the soldier realise that things were on the verge of taking a turn for the worst.

"I'm not saying you did so calm down." Zack reassured tenderly, his hand moving around from the top of Cloud's head to cup one side of his face. "But I also don't want you to confuse you're feelings with what you think I'm feeling. I'm ready to go as fare as you want and give you whatever time you need. I want your … no … I want our first time to be special. There's no rush to do something right away, which we have our whole lives to enjoy together." Zack explained affectionately, as he gently caressed the blonde's soft cheek. "If you're not ready it will hurt, however hard I try not to, and I would never be able to forgive myself for that." He whispered, unable to find a stronger voice to explain himself. "I love you Cloud and I won't risk losing you."

"You won't lose me … you could never lose me."

"I will if I hurt you."

"No I …"

"You hide away from the people who hurt you Spiky, you always have and I'm sort of afraid that you always will." The soldier pointed out, the next breath he drew being a deep steadying one. "Something this personal shouldn't be confusing and it definitely shouldn't be done if you're not ready. I want you to remember that this is all still new to me too, that the things we'll be doing together I haven't done much of myself ... or for a very long time."

"You've never … been with someone else?" Cloud enquired almost breathlessly, the whirlwind of emotions which now shone within his shinning sapphire orbs showing that while he wanted to know more he was also afraid of causing pain again by asking such personal questions.

"There was someone else about five months after Kyle, a guy I met while on leave for a week at Costa Del Sol." Zack sighed, his violet eyes looking away briefly before returning with a look of regret in them. "It was a one night stand and a mistake, an insult to Kyle's memory and … and wrong. I didn't love the guy, hell I don't even remember his name and it's not something I'm proud of. I was lonely and I was hurting, but that's no excuse for what I did."

"What did you do that was so wrong?" Cloud questioned immediately, his insides churning painfully at the look of guilt and self disgust which now shone in those normally warm and light-hearted violet spheres.

"I spent the night with someone I didn't know because I wanted to feel good, doing something which should be saved for someone special, and took part in an act which is meant to be shared between people who love each other."

"I'm sorry." Cloud apologised softly, knowing that there was nothing more he could really say to make the soldier feel better.

"Not your fault Spiky, so don't apologise." Zack scolded affectionately, a faint smile pulling at the edges of his lips as he saw the worry forming on the blonde's angelic features. "My point is that I'm not as experienced as you seem to think I am, that the few times I have been with someone might somehow mean I know what I'm doing."

"You ... don't?" Cloud stuttered in mild panic before he could stop himself, the rising blush on his fair cheeks only darkening more as a wonderful deep rich laughter broke free from the soldier beneath him.

"I'm not sure if there's an insult in there somewhere Spiky, but I'll let it go because in a way I've still had more experience than you," Zack chuckled happily, his amethyst eyes once again sparkling with tender amusement at the blonde's darkening blush. "But in both cases I was always a catcher, not a pitcher, so this is going to be new to me as well." The soldier explained carefully, his violet orbs silently searching Cloud's blue ones to see if he understood the terminology being used.

The look the cadet gave him however said that the references had not been understood, that the subtle way he was trying to explain things was going right over the blonde's head.

"I was always the one on the bottom." Zack explained, with a nervous but slightly humorous tone to his voice. His already flushed cheeks warming even more as he felt some, almost innocent childlike, embarrassment in what he was admitting too. "I've never been on top, if you like, so this will be like a first time for me as well."

"I … I never thought about that." Cloud confessed sheepishly, a small shy smile forming on his lips as he spoke. "I just assumed you'd … I mean … I thought you had …"

"You thought I had a lot more experience in this stuff and I guess it's easy to see how you got that idea," The soldier chuckled lightly, his head coming up off the ground again to place a chaste kiss to the cadet's soft lips. "I know what to do so don't worry about that." He began to say, the next part already pulling at the smile on his handsome face so that it began to form a bright cheeky grin. "But unless you're planning to do the pitching, then I'm going to be experiencing something new as well."

As expected Cloud's face exploded with colour and although the young cadet's mouth now hung open as if trying to respond to the teasing statement, no sound could be heard escaping past his parted soft pink lips. Instead the wide eyed blonde could only shake his head in stunned silence, the unspoken words showing that not only did Cloud now understand the terminology being used but that he had no intention of being on top when the time came.

To Zack's surprise he actually felt a sense of relief suddenly flow through him at what he saw, the unquestionable trust being shown by the normally guarded cadet quickly supporting the certainty in his own feelings of how it should be between them. Yet if anyone had asked how he could be so sure about such things the soldier wouldn't have been able to explain it, didn't have the words to describe the emotions which now coursed through his veins warming his very soul, because somehow he just knew deep in his heart that this was the way it was meant to be.

And by the look of total and unconditional love in those deep rich pools of blue, as they shone back at him in perfect understanding, he could see that Cloud felt it too.

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**Sorry to everyone who thought this chapter might get a bit more heated than it actually did. I honestly felt like it might have done too, that was until I started writing it and realised I wanted them to wait just that little bit longer after all the emotional ups and downs they've been going through.**

**Hopefully you still enjoyed it :o)**


	53. Chapter 53: A day together

**Sorry it's been a while, but I've been struggling with some things lately and it's made writing kind of hard to do. I've actually been working on this update for a while, but I've been so depressed that writing a 'cute' chapter like this actually made me feel worse. If that makes sense. ****Also as a result of my mood I've edited and altered this chapter with every proof read, which was quite a few times I must confess, and so I hope I haven't butchered it too much. **

**Anyway, I'm sorry for the delay and hopefully it will be worth it. ****Enjoy.**

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**A day together**

With words of love and reassurances floating around them neither Zack nor Cloud felt the need to push for more as they held each other close, as the soldier's strong arms supported a supple body in a loving embrace and the cadet's thinner still developing limbs clung to a well defined torso with all the strength they had. Both knew that there was nothing either could really say in that moment to add to what had already been said, the time slowly passing by as both allowed themselves to take pleasure in the tranquil moment and enjoy the heart-felt emotions which now flowed through them.

Of the pair it was Cloud who spoke first ending the peaceful quiet which had settled around them, his contented voice so calm and relaxed that it made Zack's insides flutter happily as he listened to the words being spoken.

"Can we stay here forever?"

"We could try." The soldier chuckled warmly, while instinctively giving the cadet's body a quick affectionate squeeze.

"It feels good here." The blonde whispered softly, as his nimble fingers began to trace invisible patterns across Zack's chest. "It feels like there's only us, like the rest of the world doesn't exist, and nothing else matters." Cloud explained distantly, his thoughts lost to his own feelings and unaware of how his innocent touch was making the soldier's nerves tingle warmly.

"I feel that way too." Zack admitted tenderly, as one of his hands automatically moved up along the blonde's back so that he could run confident fingers through the mass of soft blonde spikes beneath his chin. "But Angel would seriously kick both our butts if we didn't show up for duty on Monday."

"I guess." The cadet accepted reluctantly, the tone being used showing that he might actually be willing to take that chance if it meant staying where they were for longer.

"Hey..." The soldier breathed, as he shifted them so that he could look into Cloud's sky blue eyes and caught a glimpse of the saddened look which now resided within them. "We don't have to leave anytime soon, so try not to think about it right now. Ok?" Zack gently reassured the blonde, his kind cheerful voice instantly soothing away the slightly disappointed expression from Cloud's soft angelic features.

"Ok." The cadet agreed with a faint sigh, his delicate pink lips instantly forming a tiny smile again as the soldier's warm violet orbs brightened once more.

So that was where they spent the rest of the day together, with Cloud unsuccessfully trying to get his assignments done and Zack managing to complete some of his reports in-between having fun disrupting the blonde's efforts to work. In truth the cadet hadn't minded the numerous interruptions from his essays, even though they really did need to be finished by Monday, and was secretly enjoying the unspoken game which had developed between them. It would always begin with the soldier doing something silly, or irritating Cloud in some way, until the cadet would eventually cave in and give Zack his full attention. Then it would only be a few seconds of silence between them as bright teasing violet eyes meet equally amused twinkling blue ones, a matter of heart beats where heated looks said it all, and then the real distractions would begin with deep passion filled kisses.

As a result neither really got anything done that afternoon and what they did manage to accomplish would certainly have to be redone the following day. But strangely Cloud didn't let the lack of progress with his homework bother him, for once enjoying the feeling of just 'being' rather than constantly worrying about what he should 'be'. Today was about them and how far they had come, the small fort they were hiding in becoming a sanctuary from the rest of the world and making everything else unimportant. In this place of safety there was only Zack and himself to think about, nothing else but the hands which touched so intimately without being demanding and the deep passion-filled kisses they shared that made his heart sing. Soon they became the only things which mattered to the blonde as the hours passed by unnoticed, as the failed attempts to get his essays done meant that he was in fact experiencing something else so much better instead.

It wasn't long however before the afternoon turned to evening around them, the already darkened world becoming blacker still as the small amount of natural light which had been present began to fade completely. Of course Zack hadn't minded in the least and quickly used the approaching night to his advantage, swiftly collecting up the things which they had been working on and packing all of the items away in favour of a more relaxing activity. He had instantly hushed the blonde's weak protests with several feather-light kisses upon soft pliant lips before venturing out of their little shelter, his first task being to dispose of the things he had collected so that they were out of reach and then to shift the TV round so that they could watch it from inside the fort. The task itself however hadn't been as simple to actually do as the soldier had expected when he'd thought up the idea, his mako enhanced strength at least making the job somewhat easier as he briefly struggled to get the large screen into position.

The effort had definitely been worth it though once Zack turned around and beamed proudly at his achievement, the look he saw on Cloud's face making his own heart beat that little bit faster. Sky blue spheres were now glowing with amusement and normally pale cheeks were flushed a light pink as the cadet tried not to openly laugh, his faintly swollen kiss bruised mouth desperately attempting to not give into the huge grin which the soldier could see pulling at the edges. But Zack hadn't minded in the slightest, especially when the expression on Cloud's face had been one of pure joy and happiness as they settled down together to watch the movie which was playing.

As the fates would have it the film turned out to be a cheesy romantic one, the kind where dramatic gestures of love were made and almost comical acts of wooing would go horrible wrong yet still turn out alright in the end. And though the soldier tried to deny that he knew where the remote was the cadet had his suspicions, the sparkle in Zack's glowing amethyst eyes being far too bright for someone who was truly innocent in the devices mysterious disappearance. But secretly Cloud was glad that they wouldn't be able to change the channel, his own insides flip-flopping in embarrassing delight at being able to watch the film together as he settled himself closer against the soldier's warm body and felt strong arms wrap themselves protectively around him. However the blonde needn't have worried about his secret being revealed as Zack had already worked it out, though he knew better than to say so out loud, and quietly cheered in the knowledge that the cadet was thankfully just as sappy as himself about these things.

It was therefore with an adoring smile plastered on his face that the soldier looked down at the blonde in his arms, his warm violet orbs glowing that little bit brighter as they happily took in the sight of Cloud lying right beside him. It was also at this point that he noticed the faint trail of goose bumps along the cadet's exposed arms and realised that Cloud was shivering slightly, the smaller body now pressed up closer to his own and clearly seeking warmth as well as the comfort of his touch. So with a roll of his eyes, which the blonde thankfully couldn't see, Zack quickly reached round behind himself where the picnic blanket had been pushed earlier and pulled it up and over their bodies so that it created a warm protective cocoon around them both.

Almost instantly Cloud's head titled back to look up at him with grateful sapphire eyes, the softly glowing gems shinning brightly as he smiled in that shy thankful way he did before turning away and looking back towards the TV again. And in that moment the soldier couldn't move having found himself captivated by the sight, his amethyst eyes drinking in the adorably cute way that the cadet was snuggled up against him and making something deep within his very soul surge to life. Yet if someone were to ask Zack to describe the feelings which now coursed through his body he wouldn't have been able to, at least not with words that would make sense. The undercurrent of desire he felt for Cloud still pulling strongly at his heart, but now it was moving beneath the surface of something else which was just as powerful as it travelled through him. The intense feelings of need and desire the soldier had for the blonde somehow suppressed for the moment, as they were calmed by the steady stream of love and devotion which flowed through every fibre of his being.

Without even realising it one of Zack's hands had begun to move of its own accord again, the calloused palm gently rubbing soothing circles along Cloud's back and shoulders as they cuddled up together under the soft material. This was what life was about, this time of peace and serenity as they lay side by side enjoying each other's company in a way which was more than he could have ever hoped for. Almost as if supporting his very thoughts a soft hum of approval could be heard escaping the cadet's soft lips, as he truly relaxed under the soothing touch, the gentle sound vibrating delightfully along the soldier's chest and drawing a faint sigh of contentment from Zack's body as well. And in that moment life was more than perfect to the soldier as he allowed himself to bath in that sensation, in knowing that no matter what was to come they would both have this experience to look back on and remember fondly for all time.

As it turned out the film was actually one which the soldier had seen before and already knew quite well, even though he would never freely admit that to anyone if they asked. Yet with Cloud beside him it was as if he were only just seeing it for the first time, every part he remembered somehow becoming more than it had been before because of who he was now watching it with. Every time the cadet smiled at something he felt himself smiling too, whenever Cloud snorted in disbelief and amusement he couldn't help but chuckle as well, and when the blonde groaned each time an obvious disaster took place Zack felt his insides flutter in pure delight at the sound. Through the humorous ups and downs of the main characters failed attempts to impress the girl they had laughed together, with one particular scene actually causing delightful tears of mirth to fall from Cloud's shining sapphire eyes. And how the soldier had loved that perfect moment of freedom he'd seen in the cadet, had felt his heart swell with pleasure as he watched the crystal like beads of liquid fall gracefully over flushed cheeks in joy and not sadness for once.

In the end there had been nothing special about the film they were watching except for Cloud's reactions as the story played out, the blonde's innocent and carefree responses somehow making the terrible plot and highly predictable situations even more enjoyable than they had ever been before. And it was for this reason and this reason alone that Zack had truly enjoyed the movie, his warm violet eyes constantly drifting away from the TV in preference of watching the cadet in his arms instead of what was on the screen.

The film had ended with an overly dramatic show of affection and mushiness on the lead male's part, the declaration of love in his humiliating situation not ruing the underlying current of sentiment which arose from watching it. Neither cadet nor soldier could stop themselves from looking at the other as the words that were projected from the TV echoed similar sentiments they had also shared recently, both unable to stop themselves from blushing slightly as they saw the same look of love and devotion reflected in the other's eyes.

"That was really bad." Cloud mumbled shyly as the credits began to roll, the pink hue on his rosy cheeks darkening a little more as he tried to calm the warm fluttering sensations he was now feeling deep within his body.

"Really bad." Zack agreed almost instantly, silently surprised by the unexpected husky tone which his words had been spoken in.

"I mean the guy was just ... he was just ... uuummm." The cadet murmured uncertainly, his voice trembling away to a soft breath as he realised that the soldier had suddenly moved a little bit closer towards him.

"A fool for love." The soldier finished for him, the flicker of something recognisable and inviting in those timid pools of blue making Zack smile happily.

"Are people really like that?" Cloud whispered hesitantly, his luminous cobalt orbs once again flashing that unspoken request for the soldier to see.

"I think we all are, in our own way." Zack murmured lightly, as he moved his body even closer so that their faces were mere inches apart. "I'm not sure there are many people as bad as him, but love does make all of us do foolish things at some point." He explained softly, his warm breath now ghosting over the blonde's slightly parted lips and mingling with the equally heated air which was escaping Cloud's body in short panting breaths.

For a moment neither of them spoke and time seemed to stand still, the world around them falling away as they fell into each other's eyes and became lost to the sea of emotions which were held within softly glowing spheres of violet and blue. Voices were no longer needed as words passed between them unspoken, a perfect understanding forming in hearts and minds, so that when one of them moved forward to close the distance between them the other mirrored the action perfectly. Lips came together slowly at first as the kiss began, the soft tender flesh caressing gently and unhurriedly as silent messages of love were passed between them. It was not long however before the innocent expression of their feelings became more, the kiss gradually becoming deep and more passionate as other emotions surged forward wanting to be heard.

Once again Cloud found his body being moved up along the length of Zack's perfectly formed torso, the well defined muscles surrounding him completely as he was gently pulled into an even firmer embrace. Yet instead of feeling unsettled by the imposed confinement the cadet allowed himself to be drawn into it, submitting himself willingly to the soldier's desire and in fact leaning up into the kiss even more as he gave himself over the the moment completely.

From beneath the blonde the soldier felt his heart rate skip briefly before racing away from him, the trapped position he found himself in between the floor and the lithe body on top of his own making it impossible to think of anything but what they were doing. He moaned softly as they moved together without even realising it, his arms instinctively tightening around Cloud's smaller frame as he held the cadet in place and deepened the kiss they were sharing. A brief flicker of alarm surged through him as he realised that he was now restraining the blonde's supple figure against himself, a moment of panic causing his breath to hitch as he worried that Cloud might not like such force being used against him. But then he felt the cadet lean into his embrace and the feelings of apprehension were washed away by sweet intoxicating desire, the wondrous sensation of his need being not only accepted but also returned by the blonde making his heart sing with joy.

Cloud heard and felt all of it, the soldier's hitching breath and heated moan causing his own body to release soft sounds of pleasure as it also began to beg him for much needed air. Realising that the bright spots be could now see in front of his eyes were not just from the delirious kiss but also a lack of oxygen, the blonde snapped his head back and drew in deep gulping breaths of air. His head promptly falling back against Zack's chest as he fought to bring his body back under control and calm his racing heart once more.

"You ok?" The soldier asked breathlessly, his own chest rising and falling quite notable beneath Cloud's faintly trembling frame.

"Yes." Was all the cadet could manage, as he kept his eyes closed and focused on the strong steady sound of Zack's heart beating against his ear.

The next second however and the blissful moment was lost to another sound, the unmistakable low based growl of the soldier's stomach announcing its hunger and making the blonde giggle in return.

"Ok, now that was embarrassing." Zack mumbled self-consciously, the smile on his face not wavering for a second as he heard Cloud chuckle a little louder in response to his words.

"I think it was kind of cute." The cadet replied softly, his head titling up so that their eyes could meet again and his humour of the situation could be seen more clearly.

"Cute or not, it was still embarrassing." The soldier stated with a resigned sigh, his easy smile lifting up even more at the edges as he took in the blonde's happy and faintly flushed appearance. "Any chance you're hungry as well, or is it just me who has no control over their stomach?" He asked lightly, a hand already returning to its previous place on Cloud's head to run through golden spikes once more.

"I guess I could eat something."

"Good." Zack replied tenderly, silently pleased that the cadet was eating more regularly by choice now and actually starting to gain some healthy weight as a result of it. "So what did you feel like having?"

"A stir fry would be good, maybe with some chicken." The blonde suggested, the idea instantly appealing to the soldier and in turn making his mouth water.

"I like the sound of that, but I'm gonna need some help."

"Ok." Cloud agreed without even having to think about it, his lithe body already wriggling out of the soldier's embrace and eagerly making its way towards the only exit of the fort.

Chuckling lightly to himself Zack happily let the cadet go and twisted around to watch as the blonde made his escape, the next breath he took unexpectedly catching in his throat the moment he did so.

Perhaps if he hadn't turned around so quickly he wouldn't have seen it, or maybe if his body wasn't still a little bit stimulated after their mini make-out session he would have had more control over himself. Unfortunately neither of these things were present to help the soldier as his bright amethyst eyes settled on a very delicious view, the image of Cloud's cute pert backside shifting rather suggestively from side to side as he crawled through the doorway making the slightly aroused mass between his legs instantly spring back to life again.

"Sweet Gaia." Zack breathed softly, as he felt his heated desire for the cadet return in a rush of uncontrollable excitement.

Thankfully the sight only lasted a few seconds longer but the damage was already done, the heat inducing image now burned forever into the soldier's mind and making his trapped erection feel even more restricted beneath the material which concealed it.

"Get a grip on yourself, right now." Zack scolded himself weakly, the scene instantly flashing before his eyes once more even as he tried to calm himself again.

"Are you coming?" A curious voice called softly from just outside the fort, the edge of confusion in it making the soldier whisper another curse at himself before answering the cadet properly.

"Yea, just ... coming." He managed, visibly cringing as he heard the slight tremble in his voice and prayed that the blonde hadn't noticed it as well.

"Ok. I'll ... be in the kitchen then." Cloud replied uncertainly, his body seeming to shift hesitantly for a moment before he actually turned around and walked away.

As soon as he was sure that Cloud was out of ear shot Zack allowed a faint groan to escape his lips, the sound instantly becoming muffled as he rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face in the soft duvet spread out beneath him.

"Damn it." Zack cursed softly, as he re-acknowledged the familiar ache in his groin where his trousers had now become too tight. "This isn't helping." He scolded the swollen flesh between his legs, his body only torturing him in return by instantly flashing up images from just moments ago of Cloud bent over on his hands and knees.

The next second and the unmistakable sound of things being moved around it the kitchen let him know that he was running out of time, that somewhere out there the blonde was already getting things ready and was probably starting to wonder what was taking him so long.

"Ok, need to calm down and quick. But how?" The soldier grumbled, as his mind scrambled for ideas. "I know, think of something disgusting. That always works." He whispered to himself, a small voice in his head laughing evilly as his brain only allowed him to see Cloud's firm behind once more.

"Double damn it." The soldier hissed in frustration, before taking a deep breath and trying again. "Ok, disgusting thoughts." He breathed determinedly, his eyes screwing shut as he forced the nicer images from his head only to replace them with really horrible ones. "Athletes foot, that's pretty rank." He began confidently, unaware that he was now talking quietly to himself as each idea came to mind. "And Heidegger, that man's pretty nasty to think about." He managed to mumble before visibly shuddering at the next thought. "Eeeeewwwwww, Heidegger with athlete's foot."

"Zack, are you ok in there?" Cloud's voice suddenly spoke up from just outside the door, the slightly worried tone in his voice not being missed by the soldier even as he felt the relief of his now fading arousal.

"Yea, sure Spiky." Zack quickly reassured, as he scrambled out of the small fort. "Just got distracted for a second."

"By what?" The cadet asked naively, his head titling to one side as he looked at the soldier with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Just thinking about ... what we could put in that stir-fry." Zack replied hastily, his award winning grin quickly slipping into place as he tried to look innocent and nothing resembling the sex-mad caveman he was actually starting to feel like.

And that thought itself really didn't help with his situation, the mental image of dragging the blonde back inside their little 'cave', or fort or whatever, and ravishing him all over again only making things low down within the soldier's body twitch once more. But thankfully this time his embarrassment of having those very thoughts helped keep the still easily aroused flesh in place, a quick deliberate cough and then casual shifting of his feet giving Zack a chance to find a standing position which hid any remaining bulge that might be showing.

"Oooo ... kay." Cloud responded uncertainly as he absorbed the soldier's words and actions, his sky blue eyes clearly questioning the validity of the answer even though he didn't actually ask for a better explanation.

"Come on." Zack sighed with obvious amusement a moment later, as he looped an arm over the blonde's shoulders and began to steer them back towards the kitchen again. "We should get started if we're going to eat sometime today." He added humorously as they walked, silently enjoying and grateful for how inexperienced and apparently clueless Cloud could still be about these things.

"You know, sometimes you can be really ... weird." The cadet pointed out nervously, his hesitation being more to do with not knowing how to describe the soldier's behaviour than being worried about how Zack might take the comment.

"You have no idea." The soldier chuckled in agreement, as he led them back into the kitchen and released the blonde to start getting what he needed from the fridge.

Cloud waited a few seconds more to see if anything else would be added to the odd comment, his blonde eyebrows rising in a questioning way as he watched Zack start heating up the pan they would be using to cook dinner. After a minute though it became obvious that he wasn't going to get a better explanation and so he shrugged acceptingly, more to himself than to anyone else, before picking up where he had left off and silently continued chopping up the peppers which would be a part of the meal.

With his back to the cadet the soldier breathed a quiet sigh of relief as he heard the familiar sound of a knife on a cutting board and stole a quickly glance behind him, a small smile tugging at his lips as he watched the blonde work. There was no denying that Cloud was wonderful, that the things he was feeling weren't inappropriate or wrong given their circumstances. It was just unfortunate that sometimes his body had really bad timing when it took over like that and left him with a rather embarrassing problem.

"I won't rush you." Zack whispered, his voice so low that even a mako enhanced person might have had trouble hearing him. "However much I want to, I can promise you that." He added affectionately, before turning away from the blonde again and focusing on adding the fresh chicken strips to the warm pan.

Had he waited a moment longer then the soldier would have seen Cloud look over his shoulder at him, would have seen a soft shy smile gracing the cadet's soft pink lips, and wondered if perhaps the sparkle which now shone in Cloud's sapphire eyes was there because the blonde had somehow heard him after all.


	54. Chapter 54: Unexpected sunshine

**Thank you to everyone who has sent messages of best wishes to show their support, this chapter is for you. **

**Enjoy.**

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**Unexpected sunshine**

Of the pair it was Zack who was the first to wake on Sunday morning, his warm violet eyes slowly blinking open as they tried to focus past the blurriness which a deep and peaceful sleep had left behind. As a result it took him nearly a minute to fully come too and take in his surroundings, the expression on his face instantly brightening and a soft chuckle escaping his lips as he realised where they had ending up falling asleep.

Instead of painted walls made of brick and stone the soldier was surrounded by a curtain of different coloured material, the absence of their soft comfortable bed quickly becoming obvious by the way his back now protested the fact that it had spent the night on a duvet covered floor. Zack however couldn't have cared less, having slept on worse in the past, and instead allowed himself to enjoy the warm feelings which were now growing stronger inside of him.

The pleasant sensation quickly spread throughout his entire body as it all came back to him, as thoughts of the day before filled his head and encouraged the smile on his handsome face to become even brighter than it had been before. Within seconds the soldier was grinning happily to himself and couldn't resist letting out a faint contented sigh as he took it all in, as he let himself get washed away in the joyous sensation of waking up in their fort and all the wonderful memories they had gained from it. It was only when he felt a slight movement against his side and heard Cloud begin to stir that Zack came back to himself again, his head instantly tilting down to fully take in the delightful sight of the cadet waking.

The vision was just as the soldier knew it would be and once again a rush of wonder spread throughout his entire being as he watched the heart-warming scene unfold. First there was a flutter of delicate eyelashes and then a faint peeking of dazed baby blue orbs, the pure azure spheres becoming even brighter as each gentle blink cleared a little more of the sleep away. But what really made Zack's heart fill with pleasure was the way Cloud's small nose would sometimes twitch like a baby bunnies as he woke, or how his pale blonde brows would furrow as the land of dreams was slowly left behind. It was something that the soldier had come to notice as they had spent more mornings waking up together and it was something that Zack knew he would never get tired of.

Warm violet eyes watched in wonder and delight as Cloud's body and mind slowly began to move somewhere between dreams and reality, the cadet in his arms silently showing that he was no longer afraid to enjoy that place which existed between being asleep and then waking fully. It was the blonde's way of saying without words that he now felt safe enough to wake slowly, rather than in a rush to get his guard up as quickly as possible, and it filled Zack's heart with joy to know how far they had come for this to be possible.

He knew that he was blessed with the chance to see such a look of innocence and vulnerability on Cloud's delicate face, was aware of how much trust this simple action showed by just being there, and understood that no one else would be allowed to see this side of the cadet. No other soul would be given a chance to see this moment of purity and potential weakness in the blonde's defences, the sudden realisation instantly causing the soldier's already overloaded heart to skip a beat as a wave of love and gratitude washed over him.

As if sensing his thoughts Cloud's soft lips suddenly curved up into a shy smile, his pale cheeks taking on a faint pink hue, as a look of self-conscious awareness began to form on his angelic features. And as Zack's amethyst eyes remained locked on the cadet's clearing sapphire gems he saw them sparkle and fill with a look of complete devotion, the expression on the blonde's face letting him know that these moments in time were indeed for him and him alone. It was this part of the whole experience which the soldier knew he would now always wait patiently for each morning, the part that would always steal his breath, and the part of the wondrous sight which would stay with him throughout the day.

A second later and Zack let his own love for Cloud be shown on his handsome features, his mouth curving up into an even more radiant smile just before his head quickly tipped forward to place a light kiss on the cadet's forehead and silently tell the blonde that he understood. A soft relieved breath against his chest was the only audible response to the soldier's actions, a notable tightness of Cloud's grip around his waist accompanying the sound and in turn being an unspoken thank you of the wordless promise Zack knew he'd just made.

Neither knew how much longer they had remained laying in a comfortable silence within each other's arms, the seconds quickly becoming minutes and the minutes gradually ticking by uncounted as they simply enjoyed just being together. Eventually though the time came for them to move, the sound of both the soldier's phone ringing and someone knocking at the front door dragging each of them back from the light slumber they had begun to slip back into.

"Ugh." Zack groaned, his arms around the cadet's waist instinctively tightening as the noise's echoed around them. "It's Sunday morning people, go away." He grumbled to the air, his words going unheard by the ones they were intended for but at least drawing a faint chuckle form the blonde beside him.

"I thought you were a morning person." Cloud whispered in amusement, the deliberate use of a quiet voice making the soldier smile as he caught on to what the cadet was trying to do.

"I am normally." He relied in an equally hushed tone, the sound of his phone ringing and another knock at the door making him choke on a burst of bubbling laughter which was trying to come out. "But it's been a long week with lots of late nights and I'm perfectly comfortable right here." He stated with a bright smile, the heart-felt and honest response instantly making the blonde blush a wonderful shade of pink.

"I like it here too." Cloud mumbled shyly, his soft happy smile no longer quite matching the slightly serious look which was now forming in his sky blue eyes. "But if someone's trying to get in touch with you this badly it must be important."

"I guess." Zack sighed wearily, his next words being instantly interrupted by a much louder knock at the door.

The insistent sound was enough to bother the cadet even more, the concerned expression showing clearly on his face as he quickly pulled out of their shared embrace and made his way towards the entrance of the fort. A second later and Cloud was gone and heading towards the front door of the apartment, the decision being easy now that the soldier's phone had stopped ringing and left him only one choice to make. Zack on the other hand took the time to allow a few choice words to slip past his lips before he left the comfort of their sanctuary, his enhanced hearing easily identifying the unexpected visitor as Kunsel now that the door was open, and deciding that it was probably a good idea to see whose call he'd missed.

"Zack?" The 3rd class soldier called, as he made his way into the living room. "We've got a problem." He stated simple, the tightness of his voice instantly letting the raven haired soldier know it was a serious one.

"Hang on a sec." Zack replied evenly, the voice message which had been left for him already playing into his ear.

A second later and the raven haired soldier's face fell and a troubled look appeared on his handsome features, the sight not being one Cloud was used to seeing and instantly making the already troubled cadet worry.

"So Reno's flying us there." Kunsel spoke up, having easily overheard the message Zack had been listening to in the now silent apartment.

"Yea." The raven haired soldier breathed in obvious frustration, a look of concern, guilt and something else now ruining the joyful expression which had been there only moments ago. "Just give me two minutes to get dress and grab my stuff." Zack stated gruffly as he began to move towards the bedroom, his normally warm violet eyes throwing Cloud a heart-felt apology before he disappeared from sight.

Normally the cadet wouldn't have asked what the problem was, his first instinct usually being to keep his head down, his lips sealed and only speak if spoken too. He'd been on a couple of small patrols with soldiers before so knew the drill, understood that he had no rank which would allow him to ask questions and certainly none to expect a response. But the look he'd just been given was not one he was about to ignore and especially when it involved his boyfriend on their day off. Zack's words of them being equals within the apartment were all the reassurance Cloud's mind needed as he opened his mouth to speak, the words already pouring from his lips as another part of his brain registered the fact that technically the two officers were now on duty and once more his superiors. But by then, it was too late.

"What's going on?"

Kunsel only hesitated for a moment before answering the blonde's question, his voice and expression both regretful for having interrupted the pair's day together and sympathetic to Cloud's concern.

"Some local wildlife is causing problems near Kalm and they need a team to go and deal with it."

It was only as the blonde let the words sink in that he took in the other soldier's appearance. The young man beside him now very much the soldier he'd trained to be and ready for some form of confrontation as he stood waiting for Zack to return.

"But why do they need Zack?" Cloud mumbled uncertainly as he took in the soldier's combat ready appearance, his poorly concealed nervous state easily letting Kunsel know that the cadet knew what he really meant by local wildlife .

"Zack's the next in line of superiority for missions like this." The 3rd class soldier explained as gently as he could, his enhanced hearing easily picking up the softly spoken curses coming from the bedroom which the blonde's normal hearing wouldn't have been able to detect. "General Sephiroth is too busy with some delicate political issues right now and Commander Hewley is trying to sort out a problem in Junon." Kunsel explained quickly, knowing that the blonde would handle the situation better if he knew what was going on. "Trust me, Angeal didn't want to send Zack either. But right now he's the best qualified officer out of all the 2nds on base for this and it needs to be sorted out quickly."

"It's alright, I understand."

"Are you sure?" Zack's voice cut in, as he emerged from the bedroom full dressed in his soldier uniform and pulling his gloves on as he spoke. "Cause I'm not exactly happy about it." He huffed in mild annoyance, before running an aggravated hand through his messy hair.

"It's your job."Cloud replied softly, his guard having already slipped back into place so that his own emotions wouldn't affect the soldier's anymore. "It's what you enjoy doing, helping people when they're in trouble."

"We'll I'm not the only one going." The soldier sighed with acceptance, his questioning look at Kunsel receiving an instant nod of confirmation.

"I'm on the team and so is Luxiere." He informed the raven haired soldier calmly. "He's getting Smith, Cowe, Brent and Jones ready and to the transport pad while I was sent to fetch you."

"Good, a small unit means it should be a quick and easy job." Zack murmured thoughtfully, his mind already slipping into soldier mode without his consent. "We'll work in two teams to do the search and then gather for clean up as necessary."

"Sounds like a good plan." Kunsel agreed, his eyes boring into the raven haired soldier's until he noticed them and followed the meaningful look of his friend to the cadet who was now standing in a very withdrawn way beside them.

"Hey Spiky, you ok?" Zack quickly asked, grateful that Kunsel had already begun to move towards the door to at least give them some sense of privacy.

"I'm fine, just ... just be careful. Please." The cadet whispered softly. His heart and mind suddenly in conflict as one told him that Zack was more than capable of dealing with this, while the other cried out in fear of losing the one person he'd finally taken a chance to love.

"I'll be fine and back before you know it." The soldier reassured instantly, a tender smile forming on his handsome face as his arms reached out and quickly dragged the blonde into a warm embrace. "Just focus on getting you work done while I'm gone and that way we'll have more time together when I get back."

"Alright." Cloud breathed against his chest, the muffled word instantly helping to ease some of the guilt forming in Zack's chest at abandoning his Spiky like this.

But in reality the soldier needn't have worried about hurting the cadet by rushing off this way, his own insides also conflicting much like the blonde's over his duty as a soldier and the undeniable desire to stay right where he was.

"You need to get going." Cloud stated reluctantly, his smaller frame already pulling away from the arms which held him close so that Zack was able to leave unhindered. "People are waiting for you to be a hero." The blonde teased gently, his sky blue eyes flashing a tenderness which once again matched the soft smile on his pale pink lips and made the soldier's heart swell with joy.

"You're amazing, you know that right." Zack breathed back huskily, his own warm violet orbs having seen the combined emotions of nervousness, concern, love and understanding on the cadet's expression.

"It's what you do and what I'm working towards." The blonde pointed out with a faint chuckle, the unspoken worry still present in his voice even as he tried to brush if off. "But if you get hurt I will kick your butt for it." He added firmly with a joking tone, a flicker of real fear showing for the briefest of moments before it was quickly shut away again.

"Got it." The soldier promised, his mouth quickly finding Cloud's for a chaste but no less meaningful kiss before he was moving away.

The cadet didn't follow Zack as he made his way towards the apartment door, his feet unwilling to carry him the short distance needed to watch the soldier leave the safety of their home. And though the blonde knew that it was just a simple monster hunt and that Zack's mako enhanced body, as well as the team he was going with, would have no problem for dealing with it, he still couldn't actually watch the two soldiers go. Instead he stayed right where he was and waited until he heard the front door open and then close again, the silence which surrounded him suddenly becoming unbearable as he shut his eyes and the image of two men in uniform with swords strapped to their backs filled his mind.

"Please be safe ... both of you." Cloud whispered to the air, his prayer not only going out to the one who held his heart but also the other who he was now daring to call ... a friend.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The rest of the day seemed to pass in odd bursts for the cadet; his ability to keep track of the time failing miserably as minutes ticked by like hours and hours began to drag along like days. Yet still somewhere amongst that some of it also passed like seconds and before Cloud knew it Sunday was almost over, the night having snuck up on him and blanketed the world in a darkness which was slowly creeping into his chest and making it a little harder to breathe properly.

The blonde knew that it was silly to worry about Zack and Kunsel the way he was; the soldiers having trained and fought in countless situations like this long before he'd arrived on the scene. Yet still he couldn't shake the feeling that all the things he was learning to hold dear could be ripped away from him again, that all of the chances he was beginning to take were about to go wrong and end up hurting him in some way. And as much as Cloud wanted to believe that the mission had only been delayed, or that the transport was late returning, he couldn't help but feel that his insides wouldn't calm properly until he could see that they were both back safe and sound.

In his attempt not to think about their absence all day the cadet had buried himself in his studies, the aim being to finish his work as Zack had suggested and after that just keep busy until the soldier returned. As a result not only had Cloud finished his homework, but also moved even further ahead by working on assignments which he knew were coming. His thick pad now filled with over a dozen pages of useful notes regarding several subjects that were coming up on the syllabus soon, with navigational strategy at night, for his history of warfare classes, and material fusion theory taking priority above the rest.

He'd also managed to read ahead in two other subjects by at least one more chapter, without making notes about the topics covered, and knew that he was now far in advance of his peers in pretty much every class they took. This knowledge however hadn't stopped the niggling worries from entering his mind every time he'd let his thoughts wander, the troubled feelings and doubting whispers only getting strong the longer he was alone and the blacker the sky outside had become.

It was therefore nearly eight o'clock when Cloud finally gave up with his studies, his head now hurting not just from trying to ignore the constant annoying voice which chipped at his confidence in the pair but also because of reading such small print for most of the day. In fact, the more Cloud thought about it as he packed his things away, the more realised that he'd been working all day without any kind of break. At no point had he stopped to have lunch during the afternoon and he'd been too unsettled by Zack's departure to even bother with breakfast in the morning. Yet it was only now that his body began to make this fact known to him, his stomach instantly growling quite loudly in the silent apartment while also twisting almost painfully inside of him as it demanded food.

The sensation was not one Cloud had felt for a long time, his ability to forgo eating the sloop served in the canteen for extra training having gone to waste under Zack's care and everyone else's insistence that he maintain and healthy and well balanced diet. And while it was not necessarily an unpleasant discovery to make in the grand scheme of things, it did make him begin to think about how much his life had changed in the past few months. No longer was he just a grunt in the ShinRa army suffering in silence, his torments still there but now less painful to deal with, and the need to do everything alone gone almost like the changing of the season.

The self discover was more than just a shock to the blonde, his heart skipping a beat and his sky blue eyes becoming wider as he stared out of the window unseeing into the night outside. His life truly had been lived in a world filled with winter, in a cold and lonely existence where nothing grew and it took all that Cloud had to keep himself moving. But with Zack appearing in his life there had been a change, the soldier's love being like the summer sun shining down over the frozen lands and melting away the ice and snow to see the things which were trapped underneath. And no longer was Cloud living in a place of cold and harsh bitterness, his world opening up under the radiant light and it's warmth so that now it was more like spring with new hopes and dreams blooming all around him.

After that there was only one thought which went through the cadet's mind as he quickly finished packing his things away and began to take the fort apart, only one wonderful heart-warming belief that made dismantling the small structure alone easier to bear. Not so long ago he'd told Angeal that the soldier had brought a light into his life, that Zack was the light in his darkness, but really the raven haired soldier was so much more than that now. He wasn't just a faint glow in the shadows, a tiny flame burning brightly in the dark, or even a brilliant star shining in the night's sky. The soldier was nothing less than the eternal sun itself as it bathed him in its wondrous light, as each loving beam spread itself effortlessly across Cloud's heart, mind and soul so that winter would never be able to touch the young cadet ever again.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

It was late and Zack just knew there would be trouble when he got home, that Cloud would be angry, upset or even both, and that his words of reassurance to the cadet about spending the rest of the day together would be thrown back in his face.

He was supposed to have spent the morning hunting monsters while the cadet got his work done, then flown back on the air transport some time after lunch to give a quick debriefing before heading home and spending the afternoon with the blonde. The pair of them happily hiding in their fort while watching more sappy films together until evening turned to night around them and it was time for bed. It was a delightful mental image that the soldier had been playing in his head all day, one which had been firmly held onto even as it kept being edited as the hours passed by, until eventually it became obvious that none of it was going to happen.

The mission had been simple enough and it hadn't taken long to track down the monsters causing problems once they'd arrived, the teams working quickly and efficiently to deal with the small creatures easily. What they hadn't expected however was the bigger things which came at them as they were completing the final sweep, the larger beasts being strong as hell and moving with quite impressive speed considering their size. Luckily no one had been seriously injured, although Smith would be laid up in the infirmary for a couple of days while his broken leg healed properly. There was also some debate about Cowe being able to return to duty tomorrow as his wrist was still swollen, but that was more of a precaution on the doctor's part than anything else.

What had followed however was a longer debriefing than expected, as well as detailed reports being made about the new creatures including their appearance, strengths and weaknesses. And while Zack knew that these things were important for future combat situations he couldn't help but feel that it was a bit much, needing to give every piece of information he had at least twice just to make sure it was accurate. He'd also needed to write up the other two officers injuries as he was in charge of the team, then check on each at the infirmary both out of duty and concern for the men who'd fought with him.

By the time he was finished it was gone eleven at night, his tired and weary body quietly making its way back to the apartment and silently dreading the welcome he would get. He could already imagine Cloud sitting in the living room waiting for him, a cold and closed off look on the young cadet's face as he tried not to show how much the day's unfulfilled plans had hurt him. Or, considering the time, his Spiky may already be in bed and choosing to ignore him, rather than start a fight at such a late hour. Both thoughts however carried equal weight for the soldier's guilt and as he began to open the door to their home he felt the burden settle squarely over his shoulders.

Upon entering the apartment however Zack found his footsteps faltering, the only sound to fill the dimly lit living space being the soft echo of the door which had closed behind him. Already he could see where the fort had been taken apart and the room put back to normal, the realisation that the blonde had done it alone making his heart ache just a little and he swore that they would build another one again soon to make up for it. In all though the apartment was dark, save for the faint light of table lamp which had deliberately been left on for his return, and the reality of the situation quickly sunk in.

Cloud had indeed gone to bed rather than wait up for him. A fact which left the soldier feeling very uneasy, even though it made sense as he knew that the cadet had classes in the morning. But still, something about the feel of the air around Zack didn't have him on edge. The atmosphere being calm on his heightened senses and not giving off any vibes of hurt, frustration or anger which should have been present if the blonde was annoyed at him.

It was therefore with curious and cautious light steps that the soldier made his way directly to their bedroom, his body taking a deep steadying breath and holding it before letting him push the door open. His eyes instantly settled on Cloud's delicate form curled up beneath the blankets, his sweet angelic face only partially visible where it lay half buried in one of the soft pillows on their bed. From where he stood a warm pink cheek could been seen moving slightly as the blonde's pale pink lips parted to allow a small mumbling breath to escape, the faint sound instantly stirring the protective and loving emotions deep within Zack's heart to life. It was fair to say that right now Cloud looked more than lovable, he looked plain right adorable. His little button nose cutely scrunching up in annoyance as if bothered by something unpleasant and then golden brows furrowing in disapproval of the smell just before dazed blue eyes fluttered open to look around in confusion.

"Zack?" The cadet questioned, his foggy mind still unwilling to let go of that sleepy state properly.

"Yea, it's me." The soldier replied nervously. His voice desperately trying to show the joy he was feeling at seeing the blonde looking so endearing and not reveal the uncertainty which still bubbled within him just beneath the surface.

"You stink." Cloud stated in a softly grunted breath, his whole body shifting further under the covers as if trying to escape the smell. "Go shower."

Zack couldn't help himself and chuckled briefly as a brighter and more cheerful smile grew on his handsome face, his worried expression quickly melting away to be replaced by his usual relaxed and carefree appearance.

"Is that a request or an order ... sir." The soldier teased lightly, while silently hoping that he hadn't misjudged the cadet's casual behaviour and peaceful state in some way.

"Whatever get's you to do it the quickest." The blonde's mumbled reply came from beneath the covers, the slightly more alert tone now also mixed with a combination of relief and amusement as well.

"Aaawww, but Spiky. Don't you want to give me a welcome home hug?" Zack asked playfully, his feet deliberately creating distinctive walking sounds as he began to approach the bed.

"Don't even think about coming near me or our bed smelling like that." Cloud warned, the hint of laughter in his voice instantly washing away the last remaining shadows of worry in the soldier's mind.

"Not even a kiss?" Zack practically whined, his puppy pout already in place when two bright blue eyes peeked over the top of the duvet cover to look up at him.

"Not a chance." The cadet stated firmly, the blankets which were still pulled up to cover his mouth and nose not only making the kiss impossible but also making his response sound muffled and funny.

The soldier only grinned more as his warm violet orbs connected with softly-glowing sky blue, the things neither was actually saying passing between them effortlessly.

For Zack he was saying 'I'm sorry I was gone so long, do you forgive me?' And for Cloud the answer was 'of course you idiot, but I was worried'. At this the soldier's smile relaxed a little and he changed his look to reassure the cadet that he was fine, the silent question of 'are you alright?' being quickly passed back to the blonde who replied that he was 'better now'.

A minute later and Zack broke the comfortable silence around them with a light-hearted chuckle, his amethyst eyes sparkling with more emotions that either of them could identify. His whole body seeming to unwind and loosen up as he straightened himself and stood a little bit taller, the weight of his worries having been lifted clear from his shoulders.

"I'll shower and get cleaned up them." He managed, though his voice had become a little rougher as if a small lump was suddenly blocking it. "Can't have you or our bed smelling bad now can we?"

"There's also dinner in the fridge if you're hungry." Cloud quickly called out, as the soldier began to walk away towards the door. His body instinctively sitting up in the bed to see the departing figure better, even as his confidence in speaking up wavered and the voice he spoke with began to falter. "It'll need reheating ... but ... but you know ... only if ... if you're hungry ..."

Zack knew it was the look on his face which had caused the cadet's words to fall away into a bashful mumbled silence, that it was probably because of the elated expression which currently shone from every part of him as they looked at each other. Not only did the blonde forgive him for not being around today but understood the reason behind it, had accepted that these things were out of Zack's control because of who he was and what they involved. It was more than the soldier could have hoped for after some of their more recent conversations, the grin on his face now reaching from ear to ear and practically splitting his face in two.

"I might just do that." Zack replied gently, his response holding a tender note of thanks without going overboard and adding to Cloud's already self-conscious state.

"Good." The cadet whispered to show he'd acknowledge the words, his own shy smile growing a little brighter as he looked up to meet the soldier's adoring expression once more.

"I'm gonna go eat and freshen up." Zack informed the blonde softly after a moment of silence between them, his feet already moving him the last few steps towards the door. "You go back to sleep and get some rest. You've got classes tomorrow and I don't want you to be tired."

"Alright." Cloud replied, his supple body already lowering itself back onto the comfortable mattress and pulling the blankets into place around him once more. "Just don't be gone too long." He continued, as the soldier began to move through the open doorway and into the living room outside.

"I won't." Zack promised reassuringly a few seconds before he closed the door behind him, a small part of his mind already working out the quickest way to shower and eat so that it took as little time as possible.

Thirty minutes later a freshly washed and recently fed soldier slipped back into the bedroom and stealthily made his way towards the bed, his large form easily finding its place beneath the sheets and happily wrapping itself around the smaller one already lying there. Almost at once the cadet let out a soft sigh of pleasure as he was enveloped in Zack's strong protective arms, his unconscious state not stopping the blonde from instinctively settling himself back into the soldier's loving embrace and pressing their bodies even closer together. To this Zack could only smile brighter and let the feelings he had for Cloud flow through him, as his exhausted body began to give into the fatigue which plagued it, and his tired mind gladly surrendered itself to the sandman's pull.

Not more than two minutes later and twin breaths of two sleeping men filled the silent night air, as both soldier and cadet were carried away into a deep and peaceful sleep while still holding each other close. For Zack it was a dreamless sleep, his long day allowing for nothing less. But for Cloud there were images of fields filled with flowers, of an endless clear blue sky where a bright orange sun, which strangely enough also had black spiky hair, now shone down all around him and chased the shadows away.


	55. Chapter 55: Letting your guard down

**Letting your guard down**

With the morning light came a sense of peace but also uncertainty for the pair, both now enjoying the way things had finally settled out for them yet also concerned about Cloud returning to his normal routine. No longer would the blonde be separated from the other cadets during sparring sessions or combat training, the excuse of his extended punishment having run out and leaving them with no other choice but to let him return to full duties. It was something neither of them could change and it had bothered the soldier greatly, his natural instinct now being to protect Cloud in every way that he could.

At first they hadn't spoken about it, both unwilling to make a point of the situation and possibly upset the other by saying the wrong thing. For Zack it was more about not making a fuss so that the cadet would get the wrong idea, about wanting to explain his concerns without giving the impression that he thought Cloud wouldn't be able to handle it. For the blonde however it was more about not hurting the soldier's feelings by seeming ungrateful, for wanting to explain that he knew he had friends now but that he didn't want to have to rely on them all the time.

As a result the morning routine of getting up, washed and dressed had been done in relative silence. The few words they had exchanged not being tense or uncomfortable, yet somehow lacking a confidence which both were able to pick up on. It wasn't until Zack had watched Cloud push his breakfast around the plate untouched for the hundredth time that he finally cracked, the things he was feeling spilling out from between this lips like water pouring forth from a fountain.

"I don't want you to go to your sparring classes today because I don't want you to get hurt. I know you can take care of yourself, hell you hit Sephiroth of all people and that's ... well that's pretty impressive ... although also suicidal in a way, but ... but you get what I mean ..." The soldier babbled on, the expression which had now formed on his handsome face clearly flustered as he spoke. "...and I don't think your weak or anything, no ... nothing like that. I mean you can do all that stuff, with me and Angeal, and you ... well you sorted them out in class ... sort of ... but ..."

"Zack, it's fine." Cloud cut in firmly, his sudden interruption causing the soldier's head to snap up from the table where it had been focused the whole time. "It's fine." The cadet repeated more gently, the flicker of uncertainty within those warm violet eyes which now looked at him making his insides knot slightly. "I know what you're trying to say and I get it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about going back too, but it'll be alright. Angeal wouldn't be letting it happen if he wasn't confident that things would be ok and ... and I'm trusting him to know what's best for me ... for us."

"You're not mad at me for ... you know ... being over protective?" Zack mumbled hesitantly, the blonde's answering having caught him a little by surprise. "I mean, I'm not complaining or anything." He added quickly, as Cloud's angelic features scowled faintly at him. "But I honestly thought you'd kick my butt for it."

"If what you're feeling right now is anything like what I was going through yesterday then I understand." The cadet began evenly, his mildly annoyed expression gradually softening as he spoke. "I spent all day trying to keep busy so I wouldn't think about what was happening to you, not wanting to let myself worry about things I had no control over." Cloud sighed, his whole body seeming to fold in on itself a little as if saying the words was also taking something from him. "I hated not knowing where you were and what you were doing, even though I knew that as a soldier you could handle yourself. It ... it nearly drove me crazy because I wasn't there to help you in case something went wrong."

"Sounds like you've got it as bad as me then." Zack noted tenderly, his gentle tone drawing the cadet's lost blue eyes back round to him again.

"I've never ... cared ... about anyone like this before, except my mother. But that's different." The blonde continued, his deep and thoughtful gaze drifting away from the soldier's and now appearing to be looking within himself rather than at the world around him. "If I lose you then ... then I don't know. It's something I can't think about without feelings sick and ... and like something's ripping my insides to pieces."

"Spiky it's ..." Zack began before he was cut off sharply, the anguished note in Cloud's voice silencing him instantly.

"Please Zack, let me finish."

Silence followed for a moment as sky blue eyes flashed up and the storm within them was seen, the slight tension easing almost at once as the blonde repeated just one word again.

"Please?"

"Alright." Was all the soldier could manage, his racing heart making it almost impossible to say more and still maintain the calm composure he was trying to show.

To this Cloud only nodded in acceptance and then looked away again, his attempt to avoid eye contact and reveal his fluctuating emotions failing miserably even as he tried to bring them all under control before he carried on. But Zack knew not to say anything in that moment, understood that he had given his word that he would wait until the cadet was ready to explain before asking any questions.

"It's ok because I ... I want to feel this, to feel that ... pain ... when I think of you hurt. It ... it means I can care about something or someone after all, that I can ... love ... someone. And I mean really love them." Cloud began, his dark sapphire spheres staring ahead as if focused on something that Zack couldn't see and would never be able to. "If it feels like my hearts being carved out of my chest when I imagine a life without you then that means I have a heart to begin with. It means I'm not empty inside anymore, that the things ... the things they did haven't broken me completely." The cadet tried to explain, his words wavering and becoming softer as he began to fall further into his own thoughts. "I'm going to work even harder from now on, give it everything I have, and make it into soldier ... for you. I'll train to become stronger for the both of us, so that I can protect you in the same way that you want to protect me, and make sure that neither of us have to feel that way in the future. I'll do it so that ... so that I won't ever have to face a day when you won't be there."

"Spiky I ..." Zack began again, his voice faltering almost at once as he found himself unsure what to say.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to ... to make you feel bad." The blonde sighed wearily, his azure eyes finally coming back round to meet the soldier's concerned gaze. "I just wanted you to know that when I say I understand how you feel that I really do and ... and that I'm not angry at you for it."

It wasn't often that Zack found himself at a loss for words; at least it hadn't been before Cloud had become such an important part of his life. A fact which he knew Angeal would vouch for if anybody asked him too. Yet, now, as he heard those heart-felt and almost heartbroken thoughts being spoken he found himself speechless. Never had he imagined a time in his life when he would be left so moved by such a confession of feelings and determination in another's pledge to him, his own mind quickly becoming lost to a whirlwind of mixed emotions as he struggled to find the right thing to say.

It was perhaps as his thoughts focused more on the commander's possible reaction to the moment that the soldier found he had something to say, the mental image of Angeal's amused expression of realising that his prayers had been answered making Zack smile as well.

"You know Angeal used to say that only divine intervention would help him find a way to shut me up."

"..."

The soldier couldn't help but chuckle softly as he saw the utterly confused and bewildered expression on the blonde's face, those beautiful pools of blue now filled with an expression which practically screamed 'What the fuck?" even though the cadet himself had said very little.

"Yea, I guess that was a bit random."

"A bit." Cloud mumbled uncertainly, his intense gaze now searching the soldier for answers to questions he didn't even know how to beginning asking.

"Basically, when I was a cadet like you I was a bit ... uuuummmm ... talkative."

A set of pale golden eyebrows went up at this and the look the blonde gave was clearly an amused sceptical one.

"What? You don't think I was a chatty cadet?"

"It was the 'bit' part that I didn't believe."

"Smart arse." Zack growled playfully, his bright amethyst eyes sparkling with repressed laughter.

To the soldier's delight Cloud chuckled openly then, the young cadet's fair checks slowly warming with a pink glow as he lent back in his chair and let out a soft sigh. The more relaxed posture Cloud now held being the first sign that he was truly feeling clam and less anxious since they had awoke that morning.

"Anyway..." Zack began, his explanation pausing only briefly to give the blonde a friendly challenging glare before he continued. "He used to say that it would take a miracle to get me to be quiet for even a minute."

"And how exactly does this relate to what we were talking about?" The blonde asked, again raising his eyebrows in a questioning way.

"I guess it doesn't really, other than you left me at a loss for words just now. Something which I'm sure he'd just love to know about."

Again a short silence descended upon them, the pair glancing briefly at each other and then away several times as if they were both now unsure what to say. For the soldier it was once again back to feeling that he might say the wrong thing, something within him fluttering nervously at the idea of taking the conversation back to where it had been before and ruining the more cheerful atmosphere which had settled around them. Yet for the cadet it was not so much about what he wanted to say, but how he was going to say it. The thoughts which kept swirling through his head like a whirlwind already telling him exactly what he had to do, but just not how to do it.

"Zack I ..." Cloud began, the faint smile on his pale pink lips twitching slightly as he tried to keep it in place. "It's alright if you don't know what to say, about what I said. I guess my little ... speech ... was a bit ... uuuummmm ... heavy, so I understand."

"Hey," The soldier cooed tenderly, his arms already reaching across the table to take the blonde's smaller ones within their protective grasp. "I don't care how deep or emotional things get between us, or how 'heavy' the things you say to me are." He quickly reassured the cadet, the flash of relief he saw pass though the nervous and hopeful blue orbs in front of him reminding him just how much being this open still affected Cloud. "I want you to be honest with me about this kind of stuff, remember?"

"Yea, I remember." The cadet replied gently, the curve of his soft lips increasing a little more as the things he needed to hear were spoken.

"So here's the deal." Zack started to say, as he rose from his chair and began to clear away the blonde's uneaten breakfast which had now gone cold. "I'm going to try not to worry about you so much, because you're already a tough nut, and learn to stop panicking every time I don't have you in my sight if ..." He paused here, not only waiting for Cloud's full attention but also to create the perfect dramatic effect for his words. "...if you stop worrying about me as well."

"It's kind of hard not to." Cloud argued as peacefully as he could, the explanation drawing a delightful blush back to his fair cheeks again. "Like I told you just now, I've never had someone else to worry about like this before. Or did you miss that part?"

"Nope. Got it loud and clear Spiky." A meaningful pause, a gentle breath, a loving smile, a need to be understood shining in warm violet eyes. "It's like you said I'm tough and mako enhanced to boot, it makes me harder to hurt."

"But not impossible." The cadet whispered almost painfully quiet, his sky blue eyes having turned away again almost as if he were afraid that the reminder of that day would somehow anger or upset the soldier.

"I said it makes it harder, not impossible." Zack replied calmly, his heart clenching as he realised the error in not remembering that significant day in their lives.

"You were distracted that day, weren't you?"

A low groan of frustration was heard before the soldier spoke again, his actions of clearing away the bits left out in the kitchen coming to a halt as he turned his full attention back to the blonde who had yet to move from the table.

"You're right, I was distracted. And yes, before you start, it was by thoughts of you."

The words had barely left his mouth before Zack mentally swore, the remaining smile on Cloud's face instantly wilting under the harshness of the truth and beginning to fade like a dying flower.

"I wasn't focused on my job because I was worried about how much I'd hurt you, about what I could do to make things right between us." The soldier hurried to explain, his feet already carrying him back round the breakfast bar to stand beside the blonde's hunched over figure. "If I'd been paying attention it wouldn't have happened." He stated firmly, his body quickly kneeling on the floor so that once again they were at eye level as they spoke. "And I don't want you blaming yourself for that."

"But it's..."

"But nothing." Zack cut in firmly, already knowing where Cloud's thoughts had been going and hating to be right as he heard them escape the cadet's lips. "If you want to feel that pain and not have me worry about it, then you have to accept the same for me. You have to accept the fact that it was killing me inside to know I'd screwed up and hurt you, that I was aching inside because of what I'd thought I'd lost."

"But thinking about me nearly got you killed." The blonde replied, his voice wavering notably now and sounding as if it were close to tears. "I nearly got you killed."

"You also saved my life. Or had you forgotten that part." The soldier reminded him gently, his arms quickly moving of their own accord to hold the cadet's trembling form within a comforting embrace.

"But it wouldn't have happened if ... if I hadn't ..."

"Can we stop with the 'ifs' and 'buts' Spiky?" The soldier pleaded softly, his forehead now resting wearily against Cloud's temple so that the request came out as a soft breath which ghosted along the blonde's swan like throat. "I don't want to think about how things could have been different. If we do then my regrets are staked way up there above yours and it's not something I want to go through again."

"How can yours be worse?" Cloud asked softly, his supple frame now shaking faintly for a very different reason as the soldier's warm breaths continued to drift over the exposed skin of his throat and make the never endings there tingle in delight.

"If I hadn't kept my distance you wouldn't have done what you did." Zack began, his grip around the blonde's body tightening as he said the things he didn't want to say yet knew needed to be heard. "If I'd tried harder to get an explanation for your injuries or quietness, you might have talked about it. If I had opened up to you earlier on then maybe you would have felt like we were friends sooner. If I hadn't pushed you while you were recovering maybe we wouldn't have fought so much. And if I hadn't doubted you then you wouldn't have been hurt by Reno, which is what led to us not talking again in the first place."

"Oh..." The cadet breathed, the pleasurable sensations which had been forming within him now squashed flat by the weight of the soldier's words.

"So do you get it now?"

"Yes." Cloud confirmed faintly, his face slowly turning to look at Zack properly so that their eyes could meet before he continued. "But you do know that some of those 'ifs' belong to me as well, don't you?"

"It's something we're both guilty of and I'm not going to let it spoil the here and now, or get in the way of our future together." The soldier replied gently, the tender affection which was shining within his warm violet orbs trying to communicate how important it was to him for Cloud to do the same. "Ifs' and 'buts' don't change what has been, but they can help to shape what could be. I can't stop you from feeling the way you do about these things anymore than you can control me. But I will do everything in my power to make you see past them as we work towards something better."

"I can't lose you Zack, I just can't. I wouldn't survive it."

"I'm not going anywhere." The soldier quickly reassured, his voice remaining a soothing and calming tone even as his own heart rate seemed to skyrocket.

"Do you promise?"

Zack swore softly against the blonde's ear unable to stop himself, Cloud's desperately spoken request being one he couldn't guarantee to keep however much he wanted too. There were just too many dangers with being who he was to make that kind of promise, no matter how carefully or genetically enhanced he was.

"I promise to try." The soldier offered, knowing in his heart that it wasn't what the cadet wanted to hear but that it would have to be enough.

"Then I'll just have to get into soldier quicker, so that I can be there to watch your back every time we're on a mission together." The blonde replied firmly, his resolve to make such a thing happen burning brightly in his sapphire eyes.

"In that case I'd better get used to letting you do what you need to, to make that happen." Zack responded affectionately, his own amethyst orbs glowing with relief and joy that Cloud had taken the situation so well.

For a few minutes neither spoke as they let their emotions be shown through their eyes, as once again each of them tried to tell the other what they were thinking and feeling without using words. For Cloud it was a moment of acceptance and understanding, the things he'd been struggling with now finding some peace as he realised that their fears had more in common than he'd previously thought. For Zack however it was relief and agreement, his loving gaze showing that he knew exactly what the cadet was going through and that this was something they were both going to have to learn to live with.

"Come on." The soldier began, after deciding that the silence had gone on long enough. "You're first class starts soon and we shouldn't be late."

"Thank you." The blonde whispered back, his lips briefly pressing against Zack's to offer up a chaste kiss before he pulled away.

In that moment the soldier knew they had reached an agreement and that it was not necessary to discuss it anymore, understanding that to do so would only risk dragging up more emotions and leave them both feeling vulnerable during the day ahead. It was not something he wanted for himself and certainly not something he wanted for Cloud, the cadet needing to be as secure in himself and them as a couple as possible if he was to face the other cadets in training again. It was therefore with some reluctance, but no protest, that Zack moved back and stood once again. The small distance he put between them also allowing Cloud to now rise from his chair and walk away to where his belongs waited by the door.

"Are you gonna be ok without breakfast this morning?" The soldier found himself asking, the question having left his mouth before his brain had even finished processing the thought.

"I'll be fine." The blonde replied with a gentle smile. His attentions mainly focused on checking that he had all the things he would need needing that day, including his completed assignments, and not on the man who now stood happily just a short distance away watching him. "If you're not too busy later, maybe we could meet for lunch."

"I'd like that." Zack agreed while smiling brightly.

"Want to walk me to class?" Cloud enquired hopefully, his carefully controlled voice and expression failing to hide the pleasure such a thing would give him. "I mean, it's on your way anyway. Right?"

"Yea, it's on my way." The soldier chuckled happily, the grin which now adored his handsome features complimenting the bright sparkle in his lavender eyes wonderfully. "And even if it wasn't I'd happily take the detour for you Spiky." He added tenderly, the look he now gave being one of unquestionable devotion.

As predicted the cadet instantly blushed at the admission, a dusting of pale pink quickly decorating his angelic face as he quickly busied himself with one last check of the contents of his bag before doing it up. Then without any more heart-felt confession or sentimental speeches they gathered their belongings and left the apartment, the pair no longer feeling a need to talk and simply content to walk in a comfortable silence towards the cadet lecture hall. Neither considered it necessary to fill the air around them with words, each satisfied that the things they'd been trying to explain had not only been heard but also understood by the other.

For Cloud it was a new beginning to who he was and what they had become, a chance to start over with his training to be a soldier and prove himself to everyone. He wasn't going to be weak and hide behind his own defences anymore, his resolve to take the relationship they had formed and make it stronger helping him to find the strength and confidence he would need to be better than the other cadet's and not let them drag him down.

For Zack it was time to reflect on the things which the blonde had admitted too, on absorbing Cloud's confessions and accepting that the depths of those feelings were equal to his own. It was clear to see that their concerns were the same, that their fears of seeing the other hurt or losing them completely now drove them both forward in some way. But most of all it was a chance to see that the cadet was finally learning to accept the soldier's need to protect him and that thought made Zack smile brightly.


	56. Chapter 56: Calm before the storm

**Calm before the storm**

In the end Monday passed them by without incident, the cadet returning to his classes and the soldier to his duties as if nothing significant had happened over the past few weeks. They had met for lunch and then trained in the evening as planned, the sun slowly setting on their first day back to a normal schedule and having calmly come and gone without any problems. Next it was Tuesday to smoothly go by as if nothing was wrong, then Wednesday and very quickly Thursday to follow the other days without incident. And so before Cloud and Zack knew it they were into Friday and had settled back into a routine which was almost like their old one, before that fateful day in the showers, and though it was something they had not been expecting neither dared to question it.

Once again the cadet was going to his lessons, just as he'd done before and working through each subject attentively. The homework he was set always being done on time and the readings they were assigned being completed as necessary. The additional evening training sessions had continued as before, but now with the soldier taking the lead in most of them. Angeal's help in this area having taken a small step backwards due to some issues in Junon he was still dealing with. But Cloud hadn't minded in the slightest and understood that the commander had other things to worry about. The blonde also secretly glad that once again it would be just Zack and himself sharing this time together, but now in a way which was more than it had been before.

The soldier had also been glad that things were turning out the way they were, the return to what could be called normal somehow marking a new beginning in their lives and giving him hope that everything would be alright. But secretly Zack had continued to worry about the cadet, the more physical aspects of Cloud's development still being a concern for him even though he tried not to show it. Each afternoon that week he had escorted the blonde to his classes after lunch and been forced to walk away; his thoughts still preoccupied with how easily something within Cloud's training could be manipulated and used against him. Trips and falls could easily be covered up during stamina and endurance sessions, injuries ranging from simple sprains to fractures were always a possibility if the workout wasn't done correctly or the person was distracted. But combat training was the hardest for the soldier to walk away from, remembering what had happened the last time, and knowing that there was very little he could do if something went wrong.

To Zack's relief however Friday also came to an end without any problems. The cadet of his dreams clearly still unharmed and well, and currently waiting for within the safety of the large room they would be working in, a practice sword already in his small gloved hand as he warmed up for the training session they were about to share. Even from where the soldier stood by the door it was clear to see from Cloud's appearance that the cadets had been put through their paces that day, the blonde's official uniform shirt now discarded by his belongs on a bench nearby in favour of just his undershirt. The plain white t-shirt he often wore beneath his formal attire now damp in places and clinging tightly to his supple frame as it moved.

"So what'd you do today?" Zack casually asked as he dropped his own things beside the cadets, the question being both out of interest and a way of announcing his presence to the other.

"Nothing new." Cloud replied just as offhandedly, his body turning a full circle as he brought the blade down in an impressively controlled arch.

"Show off." The soldier called out playfully, the tone of his voice holding more than just a touch of pride in it.

This time the cadet simply smiled in response, his eyes never leaving the imaginary enemy in front of him as he cut through them again.

"Any preference what we work on?" Zack enquired cheerfully, as he placed his own heavier sword on the bench and went to fetch one which would match the blonde's better.

"Not really." Cloud countered indifferently, as he spun again and repeated the same manoeuvre from before.

"Maybe some defence work then, seeing as how your attacks are pretty good right now." The soldier suggested as he began to work through his own warm up exercises. "We can go over the ones we were working on a few weeks back and see if you still remember them."

"Sounds good." The cadet chuckled, his lithe figure easily slipping into a confident stance as they turned to face each other.

Zack smiled cheerfully as he noted how Cloud's poise was perfectly balanced and ready for a defensive move, the blonde's weight shifting lightly on the balls of his feet as he studied his opponent and waited for any sign of which attack was coming. It was a perfect example of how a soldier should be when preparing for a fight, the tensions within the cadet's lithe frame hitting of readiness but not giving away how he might react and making him vulnerable for a counter attack.

"We'll start off with basic one step moves." The soldier explained, his own larger frame taking up a battle ready stance almost identical to the blonde's. "Then when you're comfortable and I'm sure you're doing ok we'll step it up."

"Got it." Cloud said as he nodded in agreement, his gloved hand tightening its grip on the hilt of the sword a little more as he prepared for the first attack.

A second later and Zack moved forward in a smooth forward thrusting motion, his blade aiming straight for the cadet's left shoulder but never making its mark as the blonde's own sword knocked it away. As the recognisable clang of metal resonated within the room both looked at each other approvingly, the soldier's smile spreading into a knowing grin as he saw the challenge flash in the blonde's eyes and Cloud's soft lips curving up a little more as he silently thanked the soldier for not holding back. The moment only lasted for a matter of heartbeats, the close press of their bodies shifting as Zack pulled back and began a second attack on the cadet which was once again deflected without hesitation.

After an hour of working through everything they had done to date the pair were equally hot and sweaty, though the blonde's lean frame showed it more than the soldier's. His angelic face seemed to glow a wonderful shade of red from the flush of exertion and where his top had been damp before it was now soaked through in places, the material being almost like a tease as it hugged the slim body and accentuated each and every curve of developing muscle. The quick rise and fall of Cloud's chest beneath the sodden fabric also showed that the cadet had clearly reached his limit for the day, his upper torso now trembling slightly as he fought to draw every last ounce of strength he had to keep going.

Deciding that they had both had enough Zack called a time out, his stance slipping into a more relaxed pose with one hand on his hip as he let the flat of his sword rest against his thigh.

"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, his own body relaxing so that the blade in his grasp was held more loosely. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." The soldier replied with a light-hearted chuckle. "But I think we should call it a day. I'm tired and you look about ready to drop."

"But we haven't really sparred." The blonde objected, with what could only be described as a slight pout. "I mean, we've gone over everything and practiced but not really ... used it."

"That's true." Zack agreed thoughtfully, his warm violet eyes carefully assessing Cloud's appearance and trying to judge if it was really a good idea to continue. "How about this..." The soldier began, as he meet the cadet's eyes and became a little bit more serious. "... we have one mock fight before calling it a day ..." He started to negotiate, his raven coloured eyebrows rising in warning as the blonde's pink lips parted to utter a protest to the idea. "... and we'll make it a full out battle, no holds barred. As long as you agree to it being only one."

"Really?" Cloud asked in surprise, the offer not being one he'd expected.

"Sure."

"No holding back ... at all."

"Nope, as long as it's just the one."

"Ok." The cadet agreed happily, perhaps too happily for Zack's liking as they slowly began to move back into defensive stances.

"First one down or to get a strike wins." The soldier quickly added, knowing that there had to be some limits to the game or it might never end.

"Got it."

The next second and the blonde was moving towards him, the unexpected attack forcing Zack to defend himself and step back to avoid losing a leg to the precise downward arch of Cloud's blade. A soft growl of amusement, pleasure and gentle warning escaped the soldier's body as he ducked another blow and swung away, his own instincts kicking in and quickly bringing him back into the battle so that at the cadet's next swing of the sword he was ready.

Ten minutes later and both were breathing hard in the near silent room, the last sounds of their blades crashing together having faded away into nothingness again. Both stood facing their opponent with a fire now burning brightly in their eyes, smouldering pools of blue and violet heated by something more than just the spar as they watched the other and tried to work out their next move.

For Zack it was a thrill he'd never felt before when he'd sparred with someone, a sensation of excitement and if he was honest exhilaration which was going in a direction it really shouldn't have been going. He'd told Cloud that he wouldn't hold back during this little battle between them but that had been a small lie. The truth being that if he really did use his full strength and abilities against the cadet it would probably cause a serious injury for the blonde and he would never risk that, not for anything. Yet even though the soldier was being careful he had to admit that he was currently using more effort than he'd thought necessary when they had begun. His body in fact feeling a satisfying pleasure of exertion, as a small bead of sweat actually rolled down the side of his face and dripped onto the material of his top.

"You know you're pretty good." Zack commented warmly as their bodies remained posed and unmoving, his bright violet eyes never leaving the blonde's lithe form as he kept his guard firmly in place.

"I've got some good teachers." Cloud replied evenly, his expression remaining unreadable while his own sky blue orbs sparkled with a joyous light.

"Maybe." The soldier agreed with an accepting shrug, his feet suddenly moving left before skipping back right and bringing him round to the blonde's side. "But a lot of it's you." He added as their swords collided briefly before Cloud skipped away to a safer distance again. "We've just helped you to develop on what was already there." Zack huffed as he dodged the cadet's counter attack and jumped to avoid a blow to his knees. "Can't build on shit, it makes crappy foundations, if you get what I mean." He grunted after performing a backwards flip and landing several feet away from the blonde's reach.

"Are you running away, Sir?" Cloud teased openly now, his controlled features cracking into a wondrous and clearly mischievous smile as he spoke.

"You wish." The soldier barked with a laugh, his next series of movements creating a double fake which threw the blonde off balance and placed Zack at Cloud's back.

A second later and the cadet realised his mistake in judging the soldier's misleading steps, his racing heart actually skipping a beat as his mind instantly registered the press of cold steel against the hot flesh of his exposed neck. Strangely though this was not what made the blonde's next breath hitch, the thankfully blunt edge of metal only pushing into the soft skin of his swan like throat and not cutting it as he swallowed dryly in response to the other touch on his body. The blonde's senses came alive in ways he'd never imagined as he felt the strong arm which was now wrapped around his waist holding him in place, his smaller frame trembling from the unexpected thrill of now being pinned securely against Zack's well defined chest in such a tight embrace.

Heat flooded Cloud's veins as he felt the wall of muscle pressed firmly along his back, the soldier's perfectly formed physique somehow enclosing him in a hold which communicated so much more than words ever could as it both dominated and protected him. It was more than the cadet had expected from their playful encounter, the more experienced fighter's attack having caught him by surprise in more ways than one. Yet even this hadn't been enough to make the blonde drop his sword and surrender. His fingers only allowing the chipped and worn blade to slip from their grasp and land on the mats with a soft thud when Zack had actually spoken, the smooth rich voice which breathed warmly against his ear igniting a fire along every nerve ending of his body.

"Got you."

And in that moment, as the words soaked into his soul, Cloud didn't care about his defeat or the implied threat to his life. The confining embrace on his lean frame not causing panic within him but in fact making his already accelerated heart rate pick up its pace. And so for a few seconds nothing happened as neither of them moved or spoke, the soldier waiting for a response of some kind and the cadet unable to give one as he desperately fought to bring his breathing back under control again. No longer was Cloud's body desperate for air from the physical exertion but instead from the closeness of Zack's touch, the muscles along his back able to feel the soldier's loving warmth spreading throughout them as he allowed himself to be pressed tightly against Zack's well defined torso and enclosed in an even firmer embrace.

The soldier couldn't believe he was pushing his luck like this and knew he should be putting a stop to it, but something about being this close to the cadet was making it almost impossible to pull away. He could sense the tell-tale tremble running through the blonde's lithe form and knew it wasn't just from their mock battle, could feel Cloud's heart beating alongside his own as his larger frame dominated the cadet's smaller one into a position of surrender. He could feel the blonde's chest rising and falling against his arm and understood what it meant, could feel and almost taste the difference in the air around them as his hold on Cloud turned into something more.

"Zack?"

The way his name was gasped nervously made the soldier pause and snap out of his thoughts, his whole body quickly moving back and away from the cadet as he heard the uncertainty and perhaps unease in the blonde's breathless voice.

"I'm sorry." Zack whispered apologetically, a deep inhale and then exhale of air from his chest helping him to pull himself together again. "I shouldn't have ... uuummm ... done that," he added sheepishly. The tone he spoke with at least sounding a little steadier now as he focused on collecting Cloud's sword, from the floor where it had fallen, and putting both of their blades away on the racks again.

"No it's ... it's ... ok." The blonde mumbled bashfully, his already hot and flushed cheeks darkening to a deeper shade of red as he spoke. "You got me, I'm ... I'm yours."

Zack stopped in his tracks as if frozen by an ice spell, his whole body slowly turning around to stare at Cloud and see for himself whether those last words he'd heard spoken had actually been real or just a figment of his imagination.

"What did you say?" The soldier found himself asking, his brain having no control as his heart joyfully demanded to hear those words again.

"I'm ... yours." The blonde repeated softly, his voice barely a whisper now.

For a moment all that was heard were their hearts beating loudly in the silent room as nervous sky blue eyes looked into questioning violet ones, the shimmering sapphire orbs now glowing with love and a nervousness which almost begged for what had been said to be accepted and understood. And Zack did understand as the double meaning behind the surrender washed through him, his heart soaring as he realised that once again Cloud was making himself vulnerable by admitting to things he'd been so afraid to show in the past.

"Then maybe I should take you home with me." The soldier suggested calmly, his expression softening even more so that the playful response would help to ease the blonde's remaining tension.

"I'd ... I'd like that." The cadet replied faintly, already knowing that really there was no other choice but still glad to have Zack say such things.

With the more heated moment gone the pair walked over to the bench and collected their things, the couple barely taking two steps towards the door before Zack's arm was slung over Cloud's shoulder and drawing them even closer together.

"Zack?" The blonde asked uncertainly, the over-friendly proximity of their bodies in such a public place making him anxious.

"Don't worry." The soldier reassured gently, his bright lavender spheres offering nothing but love and supportive comfort. "Everyone's either at the mess hall or in their rooms by now, so no-one's going to see." He began as they passed through the doorway and started to make their way towards home. "It's Friday night Spiky and people have lives you know. Last thing anyone's going to be doing is extra training down here."

"I used to do it." Cloud pointed out evenly, his blunt response making Zack flinch slightly as he realised that his thoughtless words and mocking tone had probably wounded the cadet a little.

"Yea, but you're more dedicated then they are." The soldier hurried to say, his expression becoming slightly panicked as he quickly tried to correct the mistake . "Which is why you're so good at kicking my butt these days. That was pretty cool by the way, the way you tried to get my knees out from under me back there."

"It's ok Zack. I know you didn't mean it like that, I just ..."

"Just what?"

It was probably a stupid question, one he should have already known the answer too, but right now the soldier couldn't work it out and needed to know what the blonde had hesitated to say.

"I guess that sometimes I just forget that I'm not like everyone else. I mean, you're right, who else would be doing extra training on a Friday night?" Cloud sighed, his shoulders slumping as his head dipped forward to watch their feet move along the carpeted floor.

Zack cursed softly as he watched the blonde beside him retreat into himself again, a gesture which was all too familiar from their past and something he really didn't want to see happening again.

"Someone who really wants to be in soldier, that's who." The soldier replied tenderly, his lips quickly pressing a chaste kiss to the cadet's temple even as they moved though the entrance of the building and into the open courtyard outside where people might see. "I've told you, Sephiroth only accepts those who really prove themselves and you do that every day. I know it might suck to think about what everyone else is doing, especially after I've opened my big mouth, but the truth is by showing that kind of dedication you get noticed."

"Tell me about it." The blonde grumbled, his tone implying something else even though he did appear to be listening to Zack's words carefully now.

"Dreams and honour Spiky, that's what it's all about. You have a dream and you honour it with everything you do." The soldier pointed out, the gravel beneath their feet crunching slightly as the path twisted round and joined the more solid paved route home. "The shit you went through shouldn't have happened, because your talent should have been noticed sooner by the other instructors and supported better. Maybe if they had encouraged you instead of riding your arse all the time you wouldn't have felt the need to push yourself so hard."

"It's not just that." Cloud argued weakly, his sad blue eyes glancing up and the hint of regret not being missed by the soldier as he saw it flicker briefly in the blonde's unhappy expression. "I ... I didn't just do it to make myself better."

"Oh?" Zack replied softly, lightly, the sound nothing more than a gentle way of coaxing the cadet to continue with his explanation.

"It's not like I had anyone else to spend the time with, was it?" Cloud sighed, his smaller frame instinctively, and perhaps unconsciously, leaning in against the soldier's larger one as if seeking sanctuary and protection from something which only he could see and feel.

"Well now you've got me." Zack chirped happily, his intention to change the sombre mood as soon as possible giving him the strength to push his own unsettled feelings aside.

"Yea, I do." The cadet agreed faintly, a hint of something calmer entering his voice as he spoke.

The rest of the journey back to the apartment was done in silence, the blonde quietly enjoying the warmth and feelings of safety which emanated from the soldier's body and Zack taking comfort in the way Cloud had finally relaxed into the hold around him. Already they were focused on spending the rest of the evening together, on cooking dinner or ordering take out and then collapsing in front of the TV to watch a film before heading to bed. It wasn't the most exciting way to spend a Friday night, staying at home and not going out to get drunk or dance the night away. But there was something just as wonderful in knowing that they would have each other's company during that time, that no matter what happened in the world around them they would be by each other's side all night long.

It was just unfortunate that neither had noticed the other cadet, who had been standing in a corner of the courtyard waiting for a friend, his vengeful eyes able to see the very obvious personal exchanges between them even if he hadn't heard the words which had been spoken.


	57. Chapter 57: Gathering clouds

**I've got to go away for a couple of days on Sunday (family reasons) so if you review and I don't reply straight away that's why. **

**Enjoy.**

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**Gathering clouds**

Meanwhile, on the other side of the compound, Angeal was sitting in his office looking out of the window and wondering why things could never be simple. The choice he now had to make being one he really didn't like, but the circumstances involved leaving him with no other option. Already he could feel the start of a headache forming behind his eyes, the familiar tension being one he was used to when having to sort out another officers incompetence.

A knock at the door drew his attention away from the setting sun outside and towards the expected visitor, his enhanced sense only needing a minute to recognise the mans presence and know it was the person he had requested to see.

"Just a minute." The commander called out, as his hands quickly straightened his slightly rumpled uniform and tried to make him appear a little more presentable again. "Come in." He added a moment later. His words unfortunately coming out as a mixture of both an order but also an impersonal invitation which, considering the identity of his guest, showed just how tired he really was.

Angeal however had no time to regret the words or the way they were spoken as the door opened and the Turk he had been expecting walked into his office, the calm and professional exterior which was presented to him by the other man unexpectedly betraying a faint display of concern that was rarely seen.

"You wanted to see me." Tseng half asked half stated, the question clearly not being the one he really wanted to say as they held each other's gazes.

"My apologise Tseng, it has been a long day." Angeal offered by way of an apology, knowing that his current mood had nothing to do with the man he was about to make a request from.

"May I ask what has you so troubled?" The head Turk enquired cautiously, his respect for the man in front of him allowing for nothing less than genuine concern and interest.

"I assume that you were aware of the team which was stationed in Junon recently."

"Yes."

"Were you also aware of their purpose there?"

"I was under the impression it was both a publicity campaign, as well as a general evaluation of the soldiers who were assigned to it." Tseng replied casually, his lean body now settling itself comfortably into a chair opposite the commander and relaxing in the larger man's company. "Was this information incorrect?"

"No, that was indeed the main objective of the assignment." Angeal answered with a tired sigh, his broad shoulders now slumping against the back of his own chair as he felt the weight of his next words fall on him.

"The problem is that two of the soldiers who were sent were also up for review and possible promotion, their performance on this mission in fact going towards their chance of being raised from 3rd's to 2nd's if they passed."

"Forgive me for not understanding my part in all of this." The head Turk began, his normally guarded emotions being allowed to surface freely due to the level of trust they had formed for each other. "But as far as I was aware soldier evaluations were not under my jurisdiction."

"They're not, but it's because of this incident that I need to ask a favour of you." The commander began, his chocolate brown eyes flickering with apology but also a sense of unease in what he was about to say. "You see, the problem involves the senior officer in charge and his poor administration skills."

"I see." Tseng murmured softly, a voice within him already guessing where things were going.

"It would appear that certain reports have gone missing and if we are to promote the soldier's in question to 2nd's then we need to find them or re-do certain evaluations."

"I am assuming that Kunsel is one of these men."

"Yes, he is." Angeal agreed wearily, his large sword calloused hand once again reaching up to roughly massage the bridge of his nose. "The young man has proved himself more than worthy of the rank. But without certain paperwork being completed he, they, will be passed over."

This time the head Turk only chuckled in response, his amusement of the situation not being an insult to the men or their circumstances but as a result of the bureaucracy which was involved.

"It would seem that Zack will have another reason to hate reports after this, should he find out that is."

"Unfortunately he will have to be made aware of this screw up because he will need to escort myself and the other two back to Junon, so that this mess can be sorted out." The commander replied resignedly, his drawn expression showing he was not happy about the decision. "Though, given the current circumstances, I would rather not assign him this duty. But unfortunately I have no choice."

Dark almond shaped eyes actually widened at this, the calm composed features cracking slightly as Tseng realised what was indirectly being asked of him.

"How long are you and Lieutenant Fair going to be away?"

"Hopefully only a week."

"And I assume you would like me to keep an eye on Cloud while you are both away?"

The words were spoken evenly as they left the head Turk's lips, the question coming out with no trace of anger or irritation in its query. The ever observant man already confident he knew the answer, but still wanting to hear the request being asked of him just to make sure.

"I know that I am asking a lot of you." Angeal began, a heavy sigh interrupting his explanation as their eyes met once more and a need for understanding passed from warm light brown to dark almost black orbs. "I am just ... concerned ... that our absence will make Cloud an easy target so soon after everything else has happened."

"It would appear that you have taken this boy under your wing just as much as you did with Zack." Tseng noted calmly, acceptingly, his soft lips quirking up into a faint reassuring smile as he continued to speak. "But I believe it is something I can sympathise with given our shared past and what I have also witnessed of his troubles."

"Then you'll watch over him for us?"

"I will do my best to make sure he is looked after, but you know that I can't guarantee anything."

"It's all I can ask for and ... thank you."

"You are an honourable man Angeal and I have no doubt that you would do the same for me, should I ever request it."

"Indeed I would." The commander agreed warmly and with more confidence now, his whole body seeming to relax as some of the tension bleed out of him.

"Good." Tseng replied, as he started to rise from his chair and brush the slight creases from his trouser legs. "Now, if my presence here is no longer required I should go and work out Reno's schedule so that he can supervise young Strife's training while you are away."

"That's very kind of you." Angeal mumbled in surprise, his expression clearly showing he had not expected this offer in addition to the request he'd made.

"To be honest it will make keeping an eye on him easier and raise less suspicion this way. After all, I dare say that Cloud will be ... bothered enough by this as it is." The head Turk pointed out, their eyes holding each other's now and communicating an understanding of what both were expecting to happen once the cadet was also made aware of the situation. "From what I have seen Cloud is a very independent young man and does not accept help lightly. It would be foolish of me to think that he will just agree to have some random stranger following him around all the time."

"Tseng I ..."Angeal began, the uncertainty of his next words causing them to catch in this throat and falter before they were given a voice.

But the head Turk was now curious by what the commander had been about to say, the fact that the great man could be silenced in such a way raising his own level of intrigue greatly.

"Yes Angeal?" Tseng asked gently, his patient and curious tone letting the commander know that he would find out what was on the man's mind one way or another.

"I have some ... notes; I would like you to look over." Angeal finally admitted, his chocolate coloured eyes filling with that apprehension and uncertainty again even as he rose from his desk and moved to the locked filing cabinet against the far wall. "I've been ... collecting ... data ... on Cloud." He explained, the object in his hand now making a bit more sense to the Head Turk. "I believe there are some skills and traits in here which might be supported better by a Turk's style of training."

"Interesting." Tseng murmured, unable to hide his own surprise now as he accepted the folder which was handed to him. "Does this mean you are recommending him for a transfer to our department?"

"No!" The commander quickly blurted out, his need to correct the misunderstanding before it went too far forcing him to say the next words before he'd had a chance to think them through. "Cloud wants to be a soldier and it would break both his and Zack's hearts to take that away from him, but ..."

"But?"

"But ..." Angeal continued reluctantly, his previous conversation with both the blonde and his sergeant from a few days ago instantly filling his mind again. "But some of his talents are more suited to Turk training and his fighting style requires techniques which perhaps Reno would be able to help him develop."

"I see." Tseng hummed, his ever observant eyes now glancing down to look at the folder in his hands once more. "Am I to assume that neither Cloud nor Zack are aware of this?"

"No, they are not." Angeal confirmed hesitantly, the look he now gave being a more serious one. "And I would prefer it if you didn't say anything about it to Reno."

"You do not trust him with this information?"

The commander sighed heavily and gave a small glare at the man before him, letting his mildly offended expression say what his words had yet to do for him.

"I have no doubt in your men's abilities to keep things to themselves, but this is Zack and Cloud we are talking about." Angeal began, his large frame now leaning back against the top of his desk for support. "We both know how close our former pupils are and I believe that Reno will find it hard to keep such things from them."

"He has more control than that commander." Tseng bristled, the implication of the commander's words bothering him greatly.

"I am aware of that Tseng, but you have to understand my concerns." Angeal sighed, his tone now being apologetic as he continued to speak. "Zack has a way of getting people to open up and in turn drawing information from them. I have seen him do it a number of times with complete strangers and with the bond he and Reno already share I believe it wouldn't take much for him to work out something was wrong and start digging until he found the answer."

"Perhaps Fair should be considered for a position with the Turks as well then." Tseng mused thoughtfully, his dark eyes seeming to glow slightly in amusement as the commander visibly flinched at the comment and scowled in response.

"Are you saying that my bouncy and extremely energetic pup would have made a good Turk?" Angeal countered suddenly, his previous expression cracking into an equally amused one as the tables were turned and this time it was the head Turk's turn to look mildly horrified at the idea.

"Zack makes a fine soldier, of that there is no doubt." Tseng replied calmly, as he schooled his features back into a composed but friendly smile once more. "But I believe a summoned Bahamut SIN would have more luck at becoming a Turk then Lieutenant Fair."

"Wouldn't a Bahamut SIN be just as disruptive to your organisation?"

"Indeed." Tseng agreed with a soft chuckle, his soft lips actually curling up a little at the edges as he smiled faintly. "But at least it would pay more attention to what was going on."

"Zack's not that bad." Angeal sighed with a hint of exasperation, his own warm brown eyes unable to hide his own humour at the light-hearted banter which had now formed between them. "At least, not these days." He amended, unable to argue in the young soldier's defence when he was also chuckling gently now.

"I must admit that I have missed times like this Angeal, when we would meet to talk about our pupils so freely. It is not something I was expecting."

"Does it bother you?" The commander asked curiously, having realised that the head Turk now looked open and perhaps even a little vulnerable as he admitted to things he would probably never speak of to any other.

"No, but I fear that it should."

"Why?"

"It is not wise in my profession to form ... strong friendships."

"You allow Reno and the others to have such a thing." Angeal began, his brow furrowing as he tried to work out why the man in front of him now looked uncomfortable. "Surely you are entitled to it as well."

"I allow them because without it they would be nothing more than machines, something which I will not let happen to such good people. It is hard enough to live a normal life, in our line of work, and I will not deny them something so simple when the next job they do could be their last."

"But you won't allow yourself that pleasure."

"My position is too senior in rank to take the risk."

"And yet you have just admitted to missing these times when we would meet to discuss our students."

"It was not ..." Tseng started to argue, his words actually faltering on him much to their combined shock as he realised that the commander was right. "It would seem that the one thing I have been avoiding all along has in fact been happening right under my nose."

"What? The fact that, somewhere along the line, we became friends?"

"You make it sound so easy Angeal, almost child-like in its innocence."

"It was not my intention to be patronising." The commander replied calmly, his instincts quickly picking up on how the head Turk's controlled facade was slipping back into place. "But I am tired of watching those around me suffer, whether they realise it or not. I have seen what happens when someone has no one to turn to and it pains me to think that another person I have grown to care about is alone."

"You have a big heart Angeal, be careful how much of it you share with others." Tseng replied calmly, coolly, but with a hint of something else in his voice.

"I am not reckless with my emotions Tseng, but I will try and give what I can to those who I chose to. Just as I believe you secretly do for the men and women under your command."

This time, instead of responding verbally, the head Turk simply smiled again. The faint show or happiness and understanding instantly brightening up his previously guarded features as a comfortable silence settled around them.

A few seconds later and Angeal spoke again, his mind having used the time to flash up a memory from a past incident to draw on and use to their advantage in this situation.

"Do you recall that day when we had to deal with Kane and the other two soldiers?" He asked confidently, already knowing that the man across from him was unable to forget anything that happened in life.

"Indeed I do, it was a most ... memorable ... introduction to Cadet Strife."

"Then you'll also recall how you suggested examining Reno's schedule to include some time with assisting Cloud's training."

"Are you suggesting we use that as our cover for what is about to happen? Or are you hoping it will ease the sting of what you are about to do?"

"In all honesty I'm not sure." Angeal sighed, his rugged face now turning away to look back out of the office window to take in the view of the night's sky which had settled around them. "But it does fulfil our requirements and help to continue Cloud's training while we are away."

"I must admit that, after hearing Reno's reports about him, I am also curious to see how well he performs." Tseng confessed reluctantly, his words instantly drawing the commander's attention as he'd expected.

"And what reports would they be?" Angeal asked evenly, the spark of something dangerous and protective flaring in his brown orbs as he spoke.

"Perhaps reports was the wrong word to use." Tseng amended quickly, the look he was being given showing that the young cadet was now considered just as important to the commander as his pup was. "I merely meant that when they took the tour of the facilities' together and sparred lightly, Cloud appeared to do well and that intrigues me."

"And the fact that he managed to hit Sephiroth has nothing to do with it either?"

"I will not insult you by pretending otherwise."

"I had a feeling it would have been brought to your attention." Angeal replied, the strength which had been returning to his body now appearing to escape him again along with the words. "How much attention has it drawn?"

"I think you already know that." The head Turk responded evenly, unable to reveal anything to the commander but also not about to lie to the man whom he had come to respect so much over the years.

"According to the general Cloud has begun to ... stand out ... from his peers." Angeal aired carefully, his gut clenching tightly in response to where their conversation was now going.

"That is one way of looking at it." Tseng replied calmly, the neutral expression he wore not able to mask the subtle warning which flashed within his dark eyes

"He also implied that ... certain individuals ... have taken an interest in him." The commander probed hesitantly, that uneasy feeling in his chest steadily growing as the head Turk looked away, sighed heavily, and then answered in a way which almost confirmed his worst fears.

"There are many things which he has done, that a normal cadet should be unable to do."

"Does that mean I should be worried?"

"The fact that we are having this conversation, and that you have already spoken with Sephiroth, tells me that you also know the answer to that question Angeal."

"How much do you know? About their ... his ... intentions I mean?" Angeal asked warily. The uncomfortable and harsh tone of his voice easily revealing who he was talking about, even though he'd not actually said the man's name.

Tseng wasn't normally one to show uncertainty when he spoke, the aura of confidence he maintained being his shield against letting people see any trace of doubt or suspicion in the things he said or did. Yet now he openly hesitated before replying, needing the commander to see the truth of his words reflected in his eyes as they were spoken.

"If it is Hojo you are worried about then don't be, for now."

"For now?"

"The professor has other ... interests ... to keep him busy at the moment, but we have been ordered to keep an eye on 'the cadet' after what happened in the gym."

"Why?" Angeal demanded to know, his heart rate steadily increasing as the general's reassurances about Cloud being safe were pulled apart in front of him.

"To be honest I am not sure and know better than to ask questions unless the situation demands it. In this case we were told to observe and report back anything unusual in the boy's behaviour."

"Is he considered a threat to ShinRa?"

"In our eyes no, but the professor has a way of manipulating the facts. As a result the president now believes that a boy who can strike someone as powerful as Sephiroth should be monitored."

"You know Hojo's only doing it this so that he can gather more information about Cloud, to see if would make a good project for him?" Angeal replied bitterly, his hate for the man who labelled himself as a professor coming through loud and clear.

"As I have already said I'm not a fool Angeal. I have seen and heard many things in my time as a Turk and, though I will not get into a debate about them with you now, I want you to know that I also share your concerns."

"Promise me you won't let anyone else see the documents I have just given you."

"Will they reveal too much in the wrong hands?"

The question was asked calmly, evenly, but also with a touch of concern. The voice it was spoken with being both worried about hearing the answer but also needing to know it as well.

"They track Cloud's development since he joined ShinRa, his exam scores, tests results and additional observations I have made of him. The material is supposed to support his progress towards soldier, but to someone like Hojo it would simply be more data for a new experiment.

"Then cadet Strife shows great promise for being a soldier?" Tseng half asked half stated, the look of pride which now shone on the commander's face letting him know that such a thing was almost a certainty.

"He excels in everything he does, both academic and physical, when compared to his peers. It would be a mistake to not consider him for such a position in the future."

"It is strange but I almost envy you right now." Tseng admitted with a sigh, the exchange between them bringing more out of him than he'd ever let happen before. "To have your own student achieve so much in life, under your supervision, and then have them in turn guide another so competently in the same quest. It must be quite a joy to see your teachings being imparted onto another with such love and devotion."

"Do you wish for this as well Tseng?" Angeal asked gentle, his tone soothing and non-intrusive as he inquired about something which was clearly a personal matter.

"I cannot lie and say that I would not be honoured if Reno were to mentor another as Zack has chosen to do. But with so few things left to choice in life, especially like ours, I will not force it upon him."

"Perhaps his time with Cloud will help in this matter as well now. After all, what better way to get a taste for mentoring than to experience it firsthand?" The commander suggested politely, his full lips spreading into a warm friendly smile as the head Turk's eyes actually widened for a moment at the idea.

"You have an interesting perspective of things Angeal." Tseng noted with a touch of amusement, the thought of Reno and Cloud training together now giving him hope for something else. "It would be a slight manipulation of both young men on our part, yet could prove fruitful in the end for each of us."

"Cloud would be protected and able to continue his development without interference, while Reno would be given a chance to sample the role of a mentor without having to accept the responsibility on a full time basis." The commander stated in a relaxed manor, the way he rationalised the new plan making both men smile despite the underlying serious nature of the arrangement.

"So when should I inform Reno of this arrangement, before or after you have spoken to Zack and Cloud?"

"It would probably be best if you only informed him of our planned absence at this point and my request for him to supervise Cloud while we are away. That way when he meets with us to discuss his altered schedule he'll know not to ask too many questions."

"And in turn you will inform Zack and Cloud of your mission and reveal that it would be a perfect opportunity to asses Reno's potential as a mentor for the internship programme."

"Exactly." Angeal replied, their eyes meeting in perfect understanding that this could either work out well or go horribly wrong.


	58. Chapter 58: It begins

**Hi**

**I know, I know, this update is a bit late and I'm sorry. The family thing took longer than planned and then Halloween came and I was lost to that for a while. Happy Halloween by the way :o)**

**To make it up to you I've posted this chapter and the next one together as a sort of two-for-one deal. Also they sort of go together, so it makes sense to do it this way as well.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**It begins**

Angeal couldn't help but sigh wearily as he looked up at the living room clock for what felt like the hundredth time in the past hour, his chocolate brown eyes darkening slightly and a frown forming on his brow as he noted that barley a minute had passed since he'd last looked.

"This isn't helping." The commander pointed out to himself, his words echoing faintly in the eerily silent apartment. "Zack is a soldier and as such has responsibilities other than Cloud. He can't let his concerns for the cadet hinder his work." He continued to say, the justification for his future actions being spoken more as a reassurance for himself at this point than anything else. "And Cloud will understand that Zack can't let his duties slide, that missions are an important part of being a soldier which can't be ignored."

Yet, however much he went over these thoughts, the commander was painfully aware that these were not the real reasons for his unsettled state, his heart knowing full well that both his pup and the blonde already understood what it meant to be a soldier and respected it. He was also more than just aware of how Zack's last mission had gone and how well Cloud had taken the soldier's absence. The reality of these facts, for some reason, being only a small comfort for the real burden he now felt on his shoulders. He also knew from the soldier's own account that the cadet had accepted the situation without question or complaint, that the blonde had not been angered or distressed when the team had returned later than intended. But one day assignments were not the same as week-long missions, the added burden of time and distance it would put on the pair perhaps adding another strain on their young and still fragile relationship.

In Angeal's mind it was just too soon, after everything which had happened, to separate them like this. The feeling in his gut continuing to prick at the idea that things were still not right for Cloud, even though they appeared to be on the surface, and that while the cadet's return to class had gone well all was not what it seemed. And it was these thoughts which now troubled Angeal the most as he unconsciously organised the novels on his bookshelf for the tenth time that afternoon, his thoughts still debating over how to approach the subject of the upcoming mission even as he continued to clean the already spotless apartment.

A knock at the door drew the commander's attention away from the mindless task and towards the front door, the eagerly repeated sound resonating a joyful vibration throughout the apartment, as it not only informed him of another's presence outside, but also wordlessly announced the identity of that person as well. At this Angeal couldn't help but chuckle lightly as he realised that his young pup and Cloud were here now, the weight on his already heavy heart managing to increase a little more even as a warm smile formed on his face.

The plan had seemed so simple when he'd discussed it with Tseng the night before, the pair of them finding no fault with the idea as they came to an agreement over the arrangement concerning the cadet. Yet now as the moment of truth finally came the commander couldn't help but feel guilty for what they were about to do, his need to make the evening as enjoyable as possible pushing to the forefront of his mind as his invited guests waited patiently in the corridor outside. Both under the assumption that tonight was a relaxing evening between friends and completely unaware of what was to come, the commander's idea that breaking the news in an informal setting would be easier now seeming a little naive even to him.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

For Zack and Cloud the day had been wonderful, even though it couldn't have been considered special in any way.

The sun had risen that morning, without the accompanying rain from the previous weekend, and both had smiled cheerfully at the idea of now being able to have the picnic which Zack had organised before. The only problem was that this time it was a lack of transport which hindered their plans and not the weather, the soldier's almost desperate efforts to secure a vehicle for the day ending without much luck and leaving them once again unable to break free of the city.

In a strange way though the cadet had known that they wouldn't make it to Zack's special place outside of Midgar, had somehow understood that they wouldn't be escaping the concrete jungle even though the day was bright and clear. It was almost as if he could feel it in his bones that they were meant to stay near the base that day, that for some reason their presence would be required and that fate didn't want them disappearing off into the middle of nowhere just yet.

It was for this reason that Cloud didn't feel as heart-broken over the lack of transport as Zack did, why his disappointment that they wouldn't be having the picnic was more to do with how it made the soldier sad than because they weren't actually going. But he knew from past experiences to trust those gut feelings he got when they came, a sixth sense of sorts giving him some reassurances that when the time was right he would understand why.

In the end several things happened that day which supported Cloud's theory about staying on base, the string of coincidences being almost comical as one event easily led to another. First of all they had needed to do grocery shopping, a job which the cadet only discovered when he went to make breakfast and realised that some of the cupboards were bare. It was while they were buying the weekly food supplies that they bumped into Cissnei, the young female Turk greeting them both cheerfully and somehow convincing them to help her move some furniture seeing as they had some free time. As it turned out they weren't the only ones to have been talked into lumping things around and both were silently thankful when Kunsel appeared to give them a hand.

From there it had been through a conversation with Cloud about sword fighting that the 3rd class soldier had admitted to struggling with something and Zack was quick to offer his assistance, his proposal being more to do with escaping Cissnei's apartment before she found something else for them to do than anything else. Thankfully the brunette Turk had only glared at them playfully, fully aware of the poorly concealed scheme, and allowed them to go and have fun with their little boy toys as she called them. Cloud hadn't been able to keep the smile off his face as Zack had sulked at the comment and argued that swords were not little boy's toys, while Kunsel had openly laughed at what was clearly an on-going disagreement between the other two about weapons.

After that they had grabbed a quick lunch before heading to the soldier's training facilities, a place where no ordinary cadet would ever dare to go yet dreamed of seeing every time they passed it by. He was swiftly reminded of his sergeant's words that even when undertaking their own training they were not allowed to use these rooms, the honour and respect that they represented meaning that no lowly grunt would ever tarnish them with his presence. Until now.

Oh yes, it had been safe to say that Cloud had been on one hell of an emotional rollercoaster during that time. On one hand he'd been scared to death that someone would see him in such a grand place and rip him a new one for it, his lowly presence being almost like an insult to the great men who truly belonged in this building. There had also been a heavy dose of awe as he'd taken it all in, the cadet gyms being quite large in Cloud's own opinion yet nothing when compared to the sheer size of these halls. Zack had actually laughed at his shocked expression and then calmly explained it was so that their skills could be worked on and tested without hindrance, the mako in their bodies meaning that they required extra space to train in.

It had essentially been the two soldier's demonstration of this as they trained that had filled the blonde's other hand with amazement and wonder. His own small and still developing frame thrilling with a rush of excitement at the sight, even as it remained as far away from them both as it could be while he watched them spar. The combinations of flips, jumps, thrusts and strikes making the blonde realise just how much of an advantage having a chemically enhanced body really could be. And also how much Zack had been holding back in their own sparring session the night before.

Luckily for the soldier, though he didn't know it, Cloud hadn't been given a chance to ask him about that little detail. The cadet's thoughts about the subject quickly going to other matters once Zack had got off the phone, after speaking to Angeal, and announced they now had dinner plans that evening. To say that the unexpected invitation had been a surprise to the cadet was an understatement, the casual way it had been accepted and agreed to by the soldier coming a very close second in his mind. As a result it was fair to say that for a short time the blonde had been more than a little irritated with Zack for agreeing to the plans without his consent, that the soldier had inconsiderately agreed to the request of their presence without consulting him on the issue first.

However, that annoyance had soon paled in comparison to the whirlwind of other emotions that had swept through him as the other two finished off their match, the brief time he had alone allowing Cloud to think about things a little more clearly. Never before had the blonde been in a position where he'd been invited over to another person's house so easily, the idea of being a guest in someone else's home making his insides flip-flop in uncertainty but also nervous excitement. Already that feeling in his gut from earlier was stirring again, the odd sensation of something which he still couldn't place waiting just out of reach, and without daring to hope that it wasn't all going to end in disappointment Cloud had actually found himself looking forward to the event.

The end of the spar had come and gone since then, the pair parting company with Kunsel outside the complex for his quarters and returning home to their own. They'd just about had enough time to freshen up and change before heading out again, the need for smart but casual dress causing the cadet no end of problems until the soldier had stepped in and saved the day with a suitable suggestion of clothing.

And now the happy couple found themselves standing outside Angeal's apartment and waiting patiently to be let in, Zack's cheerful knocking being much to loud in the blonde's opinion and making him flinch internally as the sound echoed in the quiet corridor around them.

"Are you sure about this?" Cloud whispered nervously, his small hands already ringing themselves nervously together.

"I told you, it's fine." Zack reassured gently, his own voice being kept low more for the cadet's sake than any other. "Angeal's invited us over for dinner, not a lecture."

"Yea, but why?" The blonde asked for the hundredth time, the unsettled feeling in his gut still demanding a reason to explain why the sudden invitation had been made.

"You're not worried are you?" The soldier asked lightly, a slight chuckle escaping his soft lips as Cloud scowled at him in response. "I mean we've had dinner here before and we all had a good time, right?"

"Yes, but this is different." The blonde insisted firmly, his nervous state clearly being considered a form of unnecessary paranoia as the man beside him chuckled lightly at his words.

"You worry too much Spiky, it's just dinner."

"What if it's not, what if he wants to talk about ... stuff?" The cadet hurried to say, as Zack's hand rose and knocked on the wooden surface in front of them announcing their presence again.

"What? Like training and stuff?" The soldier asked, his head titling to one side in a questioning way as he began to see just how anxious the blonde at his side had become.

"No, not training. I mean ... other ... stuff." Cloud managed, his mind having considered this prospect more than just a possibility after having had such a calm, peaceful and uneventful week. Because life, fate, karma or whatever you call it really was a bitch and the blonde just knew there had to be a catch after being left alone by the other cadets for so long. After all, hadn't Zack warned him about this himself, hadn't he been teased that they would get a 'special talk' if the commander found out about them sleeping together. And Gaia enough people knew about it, even though they supposedly wouldn't tell. But what if one of them had slipped up, what if Angeal had overheard something and now...

Zack watched in amazement as Cloud angelic face seemed to pale before his eyes, the cadet's pastel peachy toned cheeks actually draining of colour as a storm of thoughts and emotions swirled through his worried sky blue orbs. Yet the soldier himself was clueless as to what could be causing the blonde so much distress, his voice continuing to be cheerful and reassuring as he quickly found himself speaking the words "Like what?"

Zack's sudden development of naivety, or possibly stupidity, over the matter only left Cloud with a deeper feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. The realisation that he'd have to spell the obvious out to the older teen making his ivory white skin flush with colour as the embarrassment of it all flood through his veins.

"What if he wants us here to talk about the birds and the bees?" The blonde huffed out in both annoyance and mild panic, just as the distinctive clicking sound of a lock undoing could be heard.

Unfortunately the soldier didn't have time to respond to the comment as the door in front of them opened, his slightly wider than normal violet eyes instantly searching Angeal's for any clue about the true intention behind the invitation if there was one. And sure enough he saw something, a very subtle and well hidden unease behind the commander's chocolate brown orbs which revealed Cloud to be right about the dinner being more than just a casual affair. "Oh shit." Zack cursed softly inside his head, his brain thankfully not allowing the words to escape as he obediently followed the blonde into the apartment and the door was firmly shut behind them.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

Thankfully there was a minute or two of general greetings as Angeal took their jackets and went to hang them up, the pair taking the few seconds of the commander's absence to remove their shoes while also giving each other questioning looks.

In Cloud's sky blue eyes it was clear to see that he knew something was up, that although he hadn't seen what Zack had he could feel a slight tension in the air around them and it was reinforcing his sense of worry. It was just unfortunate that the soldier didn't get a chance to reply or give any reassurances, with either words or unspoken gestures, before Angeal chose that moment to reappear and begin talking again.

"So, how have you both been?"

"Good." Zack replied cheerfully, unwilling to let himself get pulled into the uncomfortable aura of tension which was now emanating from both cadet and commander. "You?"

"I must confess to having a slight headache over some things at the moment, so please forgive me if I seem a little off."

"Are we ... I mean ... would you like us to go?" Cloud asked timidly, his soft voice revealing an uncertainty in making such an offer but also a hint of hope that it would be accepted.

"Nonsense. I won't hear of you leaving." Angeal quickly argued, his controlled expression instantly lifting and allowing a more real and happier smile to break through. "I've called you here to help me get out of this state, if you don't mind that is?"

"Seriously?" Zack choked, before he could stop himself. "Cause normally I'm the one causing you the headache." He hurried to explain as sky blue eyes went wide in panic and muddy brown ones filled with playful chastising and amusement.

"Indeed you are pup." The commander agreed with a deep rich chuckle, the sound quickly helping to ease the aura of panic which had formed within the blonde at the soldier's small outburst. "But I find Cloud's company quite calming in contrast and it would be rude of me to steal him away from you."

"Hey." The soldier whined with an over-dramatic tone, his pouting expression melting away as soon as he saw the cadet's wide eyes and self-conscious blush after hearing the commander's words. "He's my Spiky, I found him first." Zack stated proudly, his arms instinctively going around the blonde's shoulders and drawing him into an affectionate hug.

At this point Angeal couldn't help but laugh out loud as he watched the blonde become more flustered not only by the soldier's words but also his actions, the faint pink hue which had formed on Cloud's cheeks darkening to a vibrant shade of red as he squirmed and tried to break free of the tender embrace without offending or upsetting Zack in some way. It was also clear to see that the cadet was still struggling with how to deal with the commander's own revelation, something which seemed to be causing him almost as much discomfort as Zack's hold on him now did.

"Zack please." Cloud whispered harshly, his near silent plea only just making it to the soldier's ears. "This is really embarrassing." He desperately tried to explain, the over-friendly contact which they now shared still being something he wasn't too comfortable of displaying in front other people. Especially Angeal, considering what he was now expecting the man to talk to them about.

"Sorry spiky, just got carried away." Zack apologised before letting go, the little voice in his head clapping sarcastically at him for not showing a bit more restraint given what the cadet had said only minutes ago.

"It's ok, just ... just ... ummmm." The blonde mumbled, unsure how to justify his actions without giving to much away.

"It's alright Cloud, I understand." Angeal offered as an escape route for the cadet's dilemma, his rugged features showing a man who knew all too well what the young soldier was like. "He's like a dog with a bone sometimes."

"I'd be insulted if I were you Spiky." Zack interrupted before the blonde could come up with his own comment. "Angeal just compared you to a bone."

"Better than some stupid chew toy." Cloud replied without thinking, his mind now a jumbled mess of thoughts and feelings and unable to rationalise the words he was saying before they left his mouth. It therefore took him a few seconds to realise what he'd just said, the humiliation of it causing his face to instantly ignite in a fresh wash of red just as both the soldier and commander started to laugh.

For Zack it was a moment of pure hilarity, the mental image of a small chibi style Cloud and him being able to chew on it not only eliciting naughty images in his mind but some really cute ones of the cadet as well. For Angeal however, his reaction to the off-handed comment was more about how it came out than what was said. The blonde's immediate response showing that not only was he now more comfortable around them both, to let such good-natured yet argumentative words be heard, but that his self-confidence in being able to speak in this way was clearly improving as well.

"Glad I amuse you." Cloud muttered under his breath, his slim arms already crossing themselves over his chest in a defensive gesture as he shrugged himself free of the soldier's weakened embrace.

"Sorry Spiky, but that was just priceless."

"Idiot." The blonde huffed before remembering where he was and who else was listening to them.

Angeal could only smile reassuringly and force his lips not to part again and allow another chuckle to escape his body, Cloud's wide-eyes and once again slightly fearful expression helping him keep his natural instinct to laugh in place.

"I'm sorry, sir." The cadet mumbled nervously, his head quickly dipping forward so that his sky blue spheres were hidden behind a curtain of blonde hair. "I ... I didn't mean any disrespect. Sir."

"I am fully aware of that Cloud and you're right, Zack can be an idiot at times. But I'm sure that's part of the reason why we both care about him so much."

"You know I might have been offended by that, if you hadn't added the last part." The soldier pouted in mock hurt, a dramatic sniff helping to draw a faint smile back on the cadet's soft lips once more.

"Come on, both of you." Angeal sighed, his voice light but also insistent as he realised that they were technically still standing in the entry way of the apartment. "We can talk more while we prepare dinner." He added, as he began to lead the other two towards the kitchen.

"You mean it's not ready yet?" Zack whined, his bottom lip actually sticking out in a genuine pout this time. "But I'm hungry." He groaned impudently, as they all entered the small kitchen and he saw that there was indeed no food ready and waiting for them.

"After our last meal together I thought Cloud might enjoy learning how to make another one of your favourite dishes."

"I would, thank you." The cadet cut in before the soldier could reply with another rude or disrespectful comment, the obvious eagerness in his voice for the suggested activity instantly killing the protesting words which had been about to leave Zack's lips.

"And if you like I could show you how to make the apple and cinnamon bread as well." The commander offered warmly, the excitement he could now see forming in the blonde's sky blue eyes making something deep within him flutter almost nurturingly.

"Really!?" Cloud gasped in pure unrestrained amazement, his coral coloured cheeks flushing warmly as he realised how he'd just sounded. "I mean, that would be ... I'd really ... like that. If it's not too much ... trouble." He mumbled self-consciously, all too aware of how Zack was once again grinning happily from ear to ear about the whole situation.

"As I have already said I enjoy your company and it would be no trouble at all." Angeal replied happily, his earlier feelings about Cloud being a new member to his family quickly reaffirming themselves in his heart again.

"So what do you want us to do then?" Zack asked, his own expression now one of contentment and pleasure as he watched the two most important people in his life begin to bond through a connection that was not just about him or working for ShinRa.

With the threat of a very personal and highly embarrassing conversation being removed from their minds both Cloud and Zack let themselves relax into the fun of the evening. The cadet's concerns about Angeal's real intentions for the get-together slowly slipping away as he focused on the more enjoyable tasks at hand, his mind finally accepting that perhaps he was just being paranoid about things and that he really did need to stop expecting the worst every time something nice happened. There was of course the lingering worries in the blonde's head that something still wasn't quite right about the commander's behaviour, that little sixth sense of his picking up on a vibe which echoed faintly around them all as they talked. But it wasn't something he could put his finger on, no matter how hard he tried. The original reason for the invitation still not entirely dismissed from his thoughts, but not really feeling as certain within him anymore.

Choosing not to question the matter further, and risk upsetting the other two with his own negative thoughts, Cloud began to focus more of his attention on helping to prepare dinner as well as making the apple cinnamon bread they all enjoyed so much. Slowly the cadet began to let his reservations about the evening fall away as Angeal's patient direction helped him to form a better understanding of the ingredients and techniques needed to make each dish, the blonde's inside gradually warming with the knowledge that Zack had been right about the commander taking him under his wing and about it being a good place to be. Never before had Cloud realised just what he'd been missing all this time as he grew up, his hopes and dreams of having a real father fading away over the years until not even a ghost of one could be imagined. And yet, here he was, experiencing sensations that sparked those very things back to life within him once more.

It was something he'd always wanted, yet given up daring to wish for. A man in his life to support and guide him through the ups and downs, a father figure to protect him while still teaching him how to survive on his own. A person who would not suffocate his growth into adulthood, but would still be there to cushion the falls and catch him each time he stumbled so that his feet would always find their way along the path again. The memories of nights spent praying for such a thing had washed over the cadet like a tidal wave and it had been all he could do to keep his emotions in check, the ache which came with remembering those nights begging the stars for his absent dad to come home again nearly letting tears fall from his eyes.

Instead he'd swallowed them all down and quickly swept the near suffocating emotions away out of sight, his mind quickly finding a nice safe place to hide them before either the soldier or commander would see. Tonight was not about the past it was about the future, about what they were doing here and now, and enjoying each other's company as much as they could.

Unknown to Cloud however he was not the only one to be dealing with a flurry of thoughts and feelings during that time, Zack's laid-back and cheerful behaviour silently masking the soldier's own internal battle of various emotions while they chatted. On the outside Zack was calm and content with how the evening was going, his insides being a completely different picture had anyone been able to see it. Not only was the soldier aware of the slight ebbs in the cadet's happiness but also the commander's occasional moments of withdrawal from them both, the unexpected behaviour not only catching Zack by surprise but also raising a lot of questions for him.

If he was going to be honest then the soldier had to admit that he'd sort of expected Cloud to be experiencing a variety of emotions about the dinner plans, his attempt to strengthen the friendship between his boyfriend and old mentor being important to him in more ways than one. Zack knew what his job entailed and after many reminders from friends he now wanted the two to get along so that should anything happen to him they would have each other, needed to know that whatever fate befell him in the future Angeal's heart would have a reason to keep caring and that Cloud wouldn't be alone. But the way Angeal became quiet and almost contemplative at times while they cooked was unsettling, his own violet eyes unable to look away as he noticed the commander's warm chocolate brown ones often glancing over at the cadet with something close to fatherly concern. And to the soldier's surprise that had bothered him greatly, his joy at seeing that Angeal had already taken Cloud into his heart being dampened by the unknown worry that now lingered there as well.

It was perhaps a blessing that Cloud never chose those moments to turn around and speak to them, his soft angelic features looking so young and filled with an almost child-like innocence as they joyfully sought out the commander's attention to check if what he'd done was correct. The happy yet also nervous words which were always spoken thankfully being enough to quickly pull Angeal out of his thoughts and back to reality before the blonde realised what had happened. And secretly Zack had breathed a sigh of relief that Cloud had been too caught up in what they were doing to notice the commander's pensive state, the pleasure his Spiky was clearly experiencing from the cooking lesson fortunately making him blind to what the soldier was now picking up on. If Cloud was right about Angeal's intention with a talk about the birds and the bees then he was going a funny way about it, the niggling feeling in his bones telling him that while that little talk was still a possibility it wasn't what really had the commander on edge that night.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO

Before they knew it the meal was ready and a delightful smell was filling the air around them, the sound of three stomachs rumbling loudly letting each man know it was pointless to deny their own hunger now. With light-hearted chuckles, and slightly self conscious blushes on Cloud's part, each had carried a plate laden with food to the dining table and sat down to eat. The dinner they had prepared ended up being even more delicious than it had looked or smelt, the mouth-watering aroma of apple and cinnamon bread quickly following the main course as they enjoyed it warm and fresh from the oven as a dessert with hot custard.

All throughout the meal they had talked about Cloud's training and how it was progressing, Zack's feedback on how well the blonde's sword work was coming along making the cadet smile with shy pride in his own achievements. In turn Angeal also asked the blonde about his studies, his interest in Cloud's thoughts about certain subjects making the soldier raise a mental eyebrow as they came up. Perhaps if he wasn't already a soldier and had been trained on when to pick up things he wouldn't have become suspicious, or maybe it was because he hung out with Reno and the others too much to not trust his gut instinct on things. But Zack would swear on his life that Angeal was feeling Cloud out about something and it began to trouble him greatly.

Dinner ended on a high note and this time there was no awkward interruption when it was time for Cloud to take his medication, the cadet quietly excusing himself when the alarm went off and disappearing into the kitchen to refill his glass with water to take the tablets as necessary. It was also at this point that the soldier dropped his cheerful act and settled a serious questioning glare at Angeal, the sudden change catching the commander by surprise and making him sit up straight in his chair.

"Zack? What's wrong?" Angeal stammered in confusion.

"Don't give me that." The soldier hissed quietly, his hard violet eyes glancing briefly towards the kitchen door before settling on troubled brown orbs once more. "You keep looking at him likes something's wrong and I want to know what it is damn it."

There was barely a second for the commander to think about a response, let alone say it, before Cloud reappeared in the room. His joyful footsteps instantly pausing as he sensed the sudden tension in the around them.

"What's going on?" The blonde asked, his sky blue eyes a little wider as they looked between the two men still sitting at the dining table. "Did I ... do something wrong?" He asked nervously, his breath catching in his throat as he dared to ask the question that now plagued his thoughts.

"No Cloud, you haven't done anything wrong." Angeal replied calmly, his warm chocolate coloured eyes offering up an apology to both soldier and cadet as he spoke. "The fault is mine here, for not approaching the subject sooner." He admitted with a soft sigh. "I had hoped to give us more time to enjoy the evening before bringing it up. But now I see that was foolish of me."

"What's going on Angeal?" Zack began, his concerned amethyst orbs now focused more on his old mentor as Cloud began to slowly approach the table again. "You've been acting ... off ... most of the evening. It's not like you, especially when you get to give a cooking lesson." The soldier joked, his attempt to lighten the mood helping a little as the commander chuckled openly and even the cadet allowed a small sound of nervous amusement to escape him.

"The truth is I wasn't sure how to broach this subject easily and so have been putting it off all evening."

"It's all right, you don't have to ... to talk about it." Cloud suddenly blurted out, his delicate features quickly developing a bright pink blush. "I know all about ... it. So you don't have to ... you know ... say anything." He mumbled self-consciously, the wonderful pink hue which currently adored his cheeks darkening to an even deeper shade of crimson as he spoke.

"Oh?" Angeal breathed questioningly, the blonde's words having caught him by surprise. "And what is 'it', that you think I wanted to talk about?"

"The ... the birds and the bees and ... stuff." Cloud managed before his voice faltered and fell away to silence. His sweet angelic face immediately becoming the perfect picture of pure undiluted embarrassment as he sunk a little lower in the chair he was once again sitting on.

To say that the cadet's answer had been a surprise was an understatement, the commander unable to stop himself from laughing out loud as he took in the looks on both of their faces. Cloud's delicate features were now lit like a beacon in the night they shone so brightly, his soft pale skin practically burning like fire as he let his discomfort and humiliation be seen. Sky blue eyes barely peeked up through blonde bangs as he unsuccessfully tried to make himself disappear, the golden hair which normally framed his face currently hanging down like a curtain as his head remained bowed and facing away. Zack on the other hand looked mortified at what had just been said, an expression of poorly concealed horror on his handsome face letting Angeal know that his old pupil had also been considering this a possibility but had never intended to bring it up willingly.

"It might help you to know that I had not intended to have that kind of talk with you tonight." The commander managed to inform them gently, once he had regained control of himself again. His ever observant eyes instantly seeing both the cadet and soldier relax a little with the knowledge. "But, now that you have brought it up, I can see that it's something I will have to remember for another time." He added smoothly, barley holding his soft smile in place in favour of a broad grin as both boys tensed again.

"You know Spiky's right." Zack tried to say calmly, the slight weaver in his voice giving away his nervousness of speaking. "You really don't have to talk about ... it."

"Perhaps..." Angeal agreed faintly, his amused expression faltering to become more serious once again. "But for now there are other things we need to discuss which are more important and I will not put them off any longer."

"Like what?" Cloud hesitated to ask, his sapphire orbs now filled with confusion and curiosity as well as relief and a faint shadow of the embarrassment he was still feeling.

"Like the mission Zack and I will be away on for the whole of next week." The commander replied calmly, his heart skipping a beat as he watched the cadet's shields instantly slide into place behind his eyes and all of the blonde's newly exposed emotions quickly becoming hidden away.

"Shit." Was all that was heard, the soldier's heart-felt exclamation summing the situation up perfectly as it echoed around them in the now deathly silent apartment.


	59. Chapter 59: Getting organised

**Getting organised**

After Angeal's initial revelation there had been a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, the commander giving both Cloud and Zack time to absorb the information and mull it over in their own heads. Already he could see how the soldier was reacting to the knowledge, his young pup's fierce determination to do his duties clearly waging a war with his need to protect the blonde beside him. But as for the cadet ... well that was just a mystery, as he was presented with an all too familiar blank and unreadable expression.

"Are we really going to be gone a week?" Zack asked, his voice coming out unusually soft as the question was hesitantly spoken.

"I'm afraid so." Angeal replied with a sigh, his sympathetic expression now turning towards Cloud as he continued to speak. "I've tried to sort out the problems from this end, but there's just no other way around it."

"That's alright." A faint, barley audible voice spoke up. The cadet's sky blue eyes remaining void of emotion as they held the commander's concerned brown ones. "You both have jobs to do and shouldn't be putting your responsibilities off just because you're worried about me." He explained, the determination and certainty he felt in what he was saying slowly becoming stronger with each word he spoke. "I can take care of myself and did it before when you were on missions Zack, this won't be any different." The blonde rationalised, as he noticed his boyfriend about to argue what was being said. "I know things are different now, but you can't be there to hold my hand all the time."

"I don't hold your hand all the time Spiky." Zack huffed, his mood darkening at Cloud's disturbingly calm acceptance of the situation. "But there is a certain amount of protection that my presence can give, which won't be there when I'm gone."

"You can't watch over me forever Zack, some day you'll have to step back far enough to let me work things out on my own again."

"Are you saying I'm smothering you?"

"No." Cloud gasped, his stone like mask finally cracking as he heard the pained tone in the soldier's words. "Gaia, no."

"Then what? What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I'm not going to freak out over this, because part of me knew it had to happen." The cadet explained, the pools of blue which had been empty before now filling with a sea of emotions. "I ... I know Angeal's been trying to keep you on base ever since I ... well ever since that day and it's not right. He shouldn't be keeping you here just to watch over me, not when you should be out there helping others."

For a moment nobody spoke as this time it was the commander and soldier's turn to listen to what had been said and understand the implications of the words spoken, their eyes meeting across the table and silently communicating that there was no way to argue with this point.

"It seems that we have been ... babying you ... these past few weeks." Angeal began, his warm chocolate coloured eyes levelling with swirling blue as he began to apologise. "It was not our intention."

"It's fine." Cloud sighed, as he slumped back in his chair and ran a hand through a mass of golden spikes. "I know I gave you both a lot of reasons to worry and I'm sorry for that. But the truth is you can't keep putting things off because of me and what might happen." He stated firmly, his expression becoming softer as he turned to look at Zack who had so far remained silent beside him. "Last weekend you went on a mission and I can't believe it's taken me this long to realise it's the first one you've been on in a while."

"It's alright, it was just a quick assignment."

"But you love missions Zack, you always have." The cadet argued with a heart-felt tone. "I can still remember how you'd tell me all about them when you got back, even when I pretended not to be that interested, and I know that they always made you happy. I'm not going to say that it won't be ... that I won't miss you when you're away, but you need do this ... we both need you to do this."

"I don't understand." The soldier admitted reluctantly, his uncertain gaze now shifting between both the cadet and the commander again.

"I believe that what Cloud is trying to say, is that it's time to get on with our lives and start getting things back to where they should be."

"So you want me to go away?" Zack asked, the confusion he was now feeling about the whole thing very clear in his voice.

"I don't want you to go, never think that. Please." The blonde begged softly, a gloss of tears appearing in his shimmering sapphire eyes as he spoke. "But things are slowly going back to normal for me and that means they have to do the same thing for you too."

"But they are normal. I mean, I went on that assignment last weekend didn't I?" The soldier protested weakly.

"I know you did and I also saw how happy it made you to be out and about doing things like that again." Cloud informed them, his delicate features taking on a look of guilt as they sought forgiveness from both men. "I had no right to make you give that up for me, no reason to stop you from doing the things you love, and I'm sorry."

"You didn't make me do anything Cloud, it wasn't like that." The soldier stated firmly, the warmth which now radiated from his bright amethyst eyes glossing over a little in sympathy with the cadet's damp softly glowing orbs.

"Zack is right. We let this happen because we felt it was right, not because you wanted it." Angeal added to support the soldier's response, his own rugged features softening even more to help ease the blonde's spiralling emotions. "But you are correct that the time has come for things to go back to normal."

"Thank you, for understanding." Cloud whispered, a faint smile managing to find its way on his lips as the things he'd needed to hear were said.

"Alright." Zack sighed in agreement, his body easing back against the chair he was sitting in as the tension in his shoulders began to lesson. "But I want someone to check on you while I'm gone."

"I don't ..." Cloud began before he was cut off.

"I know you don't want it and I'm not asking for someone else to be your shadow while I'm gone, but ... but I need this." The soldier hurried to explain, the emotional drain the conversation was having on him becoming clear in his tired violet eyes. "I won't be able to concentrate unless I know you're ok, even if that means having Kunsel pop in and check on you a couple of times."

This time it was Angeal to interrupt the pairs conversation, his voice speaking up before the cadet could argue the idea or the soldier was able to finish his explanation.

"I'm afraid Kunsel will be joining us on this mission Zack, he's part of the reason why we're going."

"Why?" Cloud asked in surprise before he could stop himself, his question thankfully drawing them away from the previous disagreement for a moment.

"Maybe I should explain things from the start." Angeal suggested as he looked between the pair, the cadet's curious expression now matching the soldier's almost identically. "Once you have heard all of the details maybe you will have fewer concerns."

With silent nods of agreement being his only response the commander drew a deep steadying breath and began to explain the situation, his words being cool calm and collected as he gave them a more detailed account of the same information which he'd given Tseng the night before. It was fair to say that both soldier and cadet were just as appalled by the circumstances as he and the head Turk had been, the angry shimmer of green in Zack's eyes being mirrored almost identically by a flicker of blue flame in Cloud's. It was clear to see that both boys were not about to let Kunsel and the other soldier's promotions be hindered by the stupidity of one man and ShinRa's need for paperwork, the blonde himself clearly even more annoyed now by the unnecessary level of reports needed after to his own unforgettable experience filling them in.

In the end it was Cloud who stated that they had to go, that it wasn't right for Kunsel to miss out on his promotion to 2nd just because some 'arsehole' couldn't do his job properly. The cadet had also been quite firm in his belief that he'd be fine while they were gone, that for the sake of their sanity he would only go to classes and spend the rest of the time in the apartment so that they wouldn't have to worry about anything happening to him. It had been at this point that Angeal had raised his other point in the conversation, deciding that since the blonde had brought it up himself there really was no better time to discuss it.

"Actually." The commander began, as he watched Zack continue to look uncomfortable with the idea. "I've been speaking to Tseng about your training being interrupted while we were away and he has offered Reno's services to cover that time."

"He has?" Cloud gasped, the surprise of the offer very clear on his face.

"Indeed." Angeal managed with a chuckle, his spirits lifting as a badly concealed look of relief appeared on the soldier's handsome features. "He remembered suggesting it before and as long as Reno is not needed somewhere else, is quite happy to let him work with you after classes like Zack and I have been doing."

"And Reno's ok with this, right?" The soldier asked, a glimmer of uncertainty still present in his soft violet eyes. "I mean, I'm all for it so don't get me wrong." He began, his expression becoming apologetic towards the blonde as he spoke. "But Red's never really mentored before. Does he even know what to do or how to do it?"

"That was the other reason for Tseng's offer." Angeal admitted with a smile which could almost have been considered a grin. "He would like to see how well Reno would coup if he took up a mentor's role."

"So what? Teaching Spiky would be like a sort of sampler course for him?" Zack replied wearily, the expression on his face clearly showing his unease about the idea.

"In a manner of speaking." The commander confirmed, the look he gave the soldier silently telling him to let this happen.

"I'm just guessing here but Tseng's not going to mention that part to Reno, is he?" Zack asked, his voice speaking in a way which said he already knew the answer.

"No, he will not." Angeal confirmed gently.

"Oh this should be fun." The soldier sighed, as he looked towards the blonde beside him sympathetically.

"Why?" Cloud asked, his clear blue eyes appearing cheerfully thoughtful as he spoke. "He did ok when I sparred with him that day when you had your evaluation." The cadet explained happily, the idea of being trained for a short time by the young Turk actually appealing to him. "And it might be kind of fun to learn a few of the things he did to me, they'll definitely come in useful with hand to hand combat classes."

"What he did to you?" Zack spluttered, the words barely making it out as he choked on the air he was breathing in.

"I ended up on my backside quite a few times." The cadet admitted with a chuckle, his sky blue orbs actually brightening at the memory. "Reno didn't hold back when we fought and I had a few bruises to show for it."

"He was supposed to show you around and look after you, not beat you up." The soldier huffed, now clearly annoyed at the red head they were talking about.

"We sparred Zack and he didn't hold back."

"Well he should have done."

"No, he shouldn't." Cloud stated firmly, his lips twisting into an irritated scowl. "I don't want to be handled with kid gloves, you know that."

"Yea, but ..."

"No buts Zack. I wasn't wrapped in cotton wool while I grew up and I'm not going to let it happen now."

"I can't help wanting to protect you and keep you safe." The soldier mumbled wearily, his warm lavender orbs trying to communicate what he was feeling as he heard the clipped tone in the blonde's voice.

"I know that and I've already told you I feel the same way, that I understand what you feel when you can't be there to make sure I'm safe." Cloud replied calmly, the tone he spoke with softening as he saw the worried, caring and apologetic look in Zack's glowing amethyst eyes. "But you have to understand that if I'm going to be a soldier then I need to be able to stand on my own two feet again. And if that means Reno gets to knock me flat on my arse a few times to do it then I'm happy to accept that."

"I know." The soldier sighed unhappily, a slight frown forming on his face as he spoke. "But that doesn't mean I have to like it."

"I'm not saying I like it either." The cadet chuckled in response, a sparkle of amusement entering his bright sapphire spheres. "But maybe Reno can show me things that will give me an edge over the others that normal training can't."

"I guess he would be able to show you stuff that I can't." Zack agreed thoughtfully, his insides instantly warming to the idea of Cloud being more prepared than the other cadets and able to defend himself in other unexpected ways.

"Then you both agree to the idea?" Angeal asked cautiously, his instincts still telling him to tread carefully for the time being.

"I ..." Cloud started to say, his voice faltering for a moment as the soldier's calm lavender eyes caught his own. "I'm ok with it as long as Zack is."

"I guess it would suck to be restricted to only classes and the apartment while we are away." The soldier sighed, his lips naturally quirking up as the cadet's reaction to his words confirmed them perfectly. "And I know Reno could teach you a few things I probably can't."

"Some of them may even be acceptable." The commander added, his off-hand and clearly teasing comment earning him light-hearted chuckles of agreement from both Zack and Cloud.

"And it makes sense for him to get a feel for mentoring while also keeping an eye on you for me." The soldier aired thoughtfully, his words being a lot closer to the truth than he realised as they were spoken.

"It'll be fine Zack, you'll see." The cadet reassured the raven haired soldier, the tender gaze he gave the older teen making even Angeal feel a slight blush rise on his own cheeks to mirror the one now forming on Zack's

"Ok." The soldier stated more confidently, his head nodding briefly in agreement with the blonde's statement before it turned to look directly at the commander. "So when do we met with Reno to work out rotas?" He asked, knowing that with only a day to go before they left he didn't have much time to go over Cloud's new training schedule with the red head.

"Tomorrow." Angeal replied happily, the tension which had been present in his body while they talked now fading away. "Tseng should have spoken to Reno by then and he'll be contacting you in the morning."

"So much for a lazy Sunday." The soldier sighed, his eyes sparkling with amusement even as a dramatic pout made its way onto his handsome features.

"Indeed." Angeal agreed with a heart-warming chuckle, as he began to clear the empty plates away and indirectly brought the discussion to an end.

Not long after they began to tidy up both commander and soldier noticed the cadet trying to stifle a yawn, the sight instantly reminding the other two that the blonde was not mako enhanced and therefore wasn't able to keep going all day like they could. It was therefore with a polite thanks for the dinner, and a reluctant acceptance of the mission pack he would need to go through before they departed on Monday morning, that the soldier encouraged Cloud to get his things together so they could head home. The cadet's small protests of being fine quickly becoming muffled by another yawn and a tired embarrassed smile, as he gave into what was very apparent to all of them, and accepted that it was pointless to argue his obvious need for sleep anymore.

The door has barley closed on the two before Angeal was making a phone call, his heart beating a little faster as he waited for Tseng to answer and confirm that he'd spoke to Reno about the temporary arrangement. As efficient as every the head Turk picked up after the second ring, his voice cool calm and collected as he reported that his part in their plan had been fulfilled and that Reno understood the importance of not drawing to much attention to the fact he would also be watching over Cloud outside of training. They then spoke briefly about their conversations with each party involved, the commander describing how his discussion with Zack and Cloud had gone and Tseng explaining what he'd said to the red head under his command.

Both agreed that given the way the soldier had reacted it wouldn't be long before both he and Reno worked out what their old mentors were up to, but each hoped that by then the week would be over and the results they were aiming for would have been achieved. For now, all they could do was let things play out and see how they went for all those involved.


	60. Chapter 60: An unexpected first lesson

**I got a little carried away with this chapter so it became two. The second part will be up once it's been proof read and edited properly.**

**Enjoy.**

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**An unexpected first lesson**

Sunday morning wasn't easy for either Zack or Cloud as they woke with the rising sun, both having suffered a restless night's sleep and now feeling weary and weighed down by their troubled thoughts and feelings about the coming week.

To make things easier for them the soldier had prepared a nice breakfast while the cadet showered, his lovingly made chocolate chip pancakes instantly bringing a much needed smile to the blonde's lips the moment he'd seen them piled high on a plate and waiting for him. There might have also been something endearing about the way Zack had set the table to go with the offering, his attention to detail meaning that not only was cutlery laid out but also napkins and a single lit candle flickering happily as a small romantic gesture of affection.

It had made something in Cloud's chest flutter as the soldier's warm violet eyes looked at him tenderly, the adoring lavender orbs saying everything that the cadet needed to hear and more as they held his own slowly damping sapphire spheres.

"Hey, don't cry." Zack soothed as he hurried to the blonde's side, his arms instinctively going around Cloud's supple body and drawing it into a comforting embrace. "I didn't mean to upset you." He apologised quickly, the tell-tale sensation of a warm dampness slowly forming on his t-shirt letting the soldier know that the cadet was now allowing a few silent tears to run free.

"I'm not sad." Cloud managed to reply, though his voice sounded muffled from being pressed against a cotton clad well defined torso. "They're happy tears, I promise." He forced himself to say, before the small emotional lump which had developed in his already tight throat made it almost impossible for him to keep speaking.

"Are you sure?" Zack asked lightly, his hands gently placing themselves on the blonde's shoulders and carefully prying him out of the safety of the embrace so that they could look at each other.

Still struggling with getting himself back under control again, and find his voice again, Cloud could only nod in agreement. His soft pink lips already curled up at the edges to show a faint reassuring smile, as his sky blue eyes slowly began to dry from their small show of emotion.

"You know it's ok to tell me what you're thinking." The soldier reminded the cadet, a small chastising tone entering his voice even as it spoke with unconditional love. "After all, I'm pretty sure we promised each other to talk about things if we needed to."

"I know." The blonde breathed, his body slowly moving forward to be safely embraced in Zack's arms again. "But I think you already know what I'd say and I don't want to get into a fight about it right now."

"Does that mean you want to fight about it later then?" The soldier teased, his gamble at making the playfully comment paying off as Cloud chuckled softly in response.

"I don't want to argue at all." The cadet replied as expected, the press of his lithe body increasing as he pulled them even closer together.

"Then what do you want to do?" Zack enquired happily, a lighter tone to his voice hinting of an unspoken relief that things were ok between them.

"I want to get dressed, eat my breakfast before it gets cold, and then get some homework done before Reno get's here." The blonde stated simply, the mention of his near nakedness reminding the soldier that the supple frame currently pressed against him was indeed only wrapped in a towel.

"Uuumm, yea. Sure." The soldier managed, while coughing to clear his suddenly dry throat. "Good plan." He added, before giving a quick affection squeeze and then pulling way so that they separated properly this time. "I'll just grab a shower while you get started on the first two things." He mumbled, his lips pausing long enough in speaking to place a chaste kiss on Cloud's brow before he turned and made his way towards the bathroom.

Smiling to himself the cadet watched the solider disappear from sight, the sound of the door closing behind him being an unspoken signal for the blonde to get his butt into gear. Already Cloud's mind was running through a list of which assignments he needed to tackle first, his body quickly cutting through those thoughts with a loud grumble to remind him that breakfast in fact his primary concern right now. With a soft chuckle the cadet turned and hurried into their bedroom to find some clean clothes, his heart beating happily as he thought about the tender care Zack had put into preparing the meal for him and his soul humming with pleasure as it enjoyed the linger feel of the soldier's affectionate touch on his body.

An hour later found the pair washed, dressed, full from breakfast and busy with their various tasks.

In Cloud's case it was nothing more than completing an essay about something rather boring and mind numbing, the tedious regurgitation of information only helping so much to keep his thoughts in check and unfortunately allowing his already unfocused mind to wander easily. Zack on the other hand was desperately trying to keep himself preoccupied with their combined laundry and getting the apartment as tidy as possible before he went away, the idea of leaving the cadet surrounded by unorganised mess at least helping him to keep busy and out of the way while the blonde studied, even if it didn't keep his trouble thoughts completely at bay.

As if on cue to their silent and unspoken prayers a knock at the door brought with it a perfect distraction for both of them, Cloud's book and note pad being quickly and happily flipped shut before the soldier had even let their guest in.

"Morning." Reno's voiced called out to the cadet across the room, his sea-green eyes instantly taking in how happy the blonde looked as he packed his things away. "Doing ok?" He asked casually, his head titling in the direction of Cloud's bag and the books which were now being forced into it.

"Yes." The cadet replied cheerfully, his sky blue eyes glowing brightly as he hefted the bag onto his shoulder and began to walk across the living room towards the bedroom. "I just need to put this way and grab my schedule." He called back as he disappeared inside the room and out of sight.

"Wow." Reno breathed softly, the smile on his lips increasing into a more genuine one as he turned to face the soldier who was now standing just behind him. "He's really ok with this?" The red head asked, a touch of disbelief still lingering in his voice.

"Yes." Zack agreed with a light-hearted chuckle, his violet eyes holding a hint of something which was unreadable but clearly in contrast to his projected pleased mood. "He's actually looking forward to you kicking his butt."

For a moment Reno could only stare as the amethyst orbs which held his own aqua spheres tried to communicate something to him, a warning of sorts that said the soldier knew how rough he'd been last time and it wasn't acceptable to let it happen again.

"Hey." The red head breathed soothingly, his hands actually rising in a show of peace. "He kicked my butt pretty good that day too you know."

"I can imagine." Zack sighed, his tone still holding a trace of reservation but no longer the tension as a more amused expression appeared on his handsome features. "Just don't hurt him, ok."

"I won't." Reno promised, his own turquoise eyes almost chastising the raven haired soldier for thinking such a thing.

Just then Cloud appeared in the room again, his attention more focused on the pieces of paper in his hand than the other two and completely missing the exchange which had happened between them.

"Sorry." The cadet mumbled as he walked over to the dining table and began to spread the various sheets out on the flat wooden surface. "I put them in a safe place ready for today and then forgot where that was for a moment. I guess I should have just left them where I normally put them." He added with a sigh, his supple body already lowering itself onto one of the chairs as if he expected the soldier and Turk to join him there at any second.

"No worries, I do it all the time." Reno admitted with a shrug. "Though I'm not as bad as Zack."

"Hey." The soldier cried out, his progress across the apartment coming to a halt as he turned to face the red head properly. "At least I can find things on the same day that Angeal requests them." He pointed out with an evil but playful smirk on his face.

"Yea, right." Reno shot back with a barked laugh.

"I do too." Zack contested with a child-like pout, his actions causing unobserved blonde eyebrows to rise in surprise.

"Do I need to remind you of the chocobo incident, or are you ready to drop this subject yet?" The young Turk across from him challenged, the silent cadet who had been sitting and watching the exchange suddenly finding his voice and speaking before the soldier had a chance to.

"What chocobo incident?"

"Nothing." Zack cut in quickly before Reno could speak, his bright violet eyes now wide as they desperately begged the red head to stay quiet.

"Let's just say you're too young for that story." Reno explained with a faint chuckle, his attention quickly turning back to the task at hand and indirectly bringing the conversation to an end.

With his head bowed down to examine the cadet and soldier's combined schedules the young Turk could only watch the other two with his peripheral vision, the effort needed to keep his lips in a neutral line and not crack into a big grin actually making his cheek muscles start to hurt. Bright sapphire orbs were focused on Zack with more than just slight curiosity now, the wondrous pools of blue asking more questions then words ever could and showing that the topic was anything but over. While on the other side of him the soldier's amethyst spheres were filled with embarrassment and a trade mark puppy pleading look which begged for the blonde to forget all about it.

To Cloud's credit he tried to fight the famous kicked puppy look, his head actually giving a small, very subtle, shake to show that he didn't want to let this one go. The way it had been raised and the answer he'd been given only intriguing him more. Unfortunately Zack's blushing features had taken the look of embarrassment on his handsome face to a whole new level, so that even the experienced red head had to admit he would have found it hard to hold out against that if it was aimed at him. And he certainly had a few years of practice dealing with that look to back him up. It therefore wasn't much of a surprise when the blonde caved in after only a minute, a soft sigh passing over his parted lips as he gave a reassuring smile that the subject would be dropped, the soldier's body physically relaxing and his flustered state easing away as the danger of that story coming out was brought to an end.

"So you guy's train every day?" Reno decided to ask, his question interrupting the pair's silent conversation and bringing their combined attention back to the task at hand.

"Yea." Zack replied quickly, his obvious relief that they were moving back to the original topic not being missed by either cadet or Turk even though neither commented on it. "We tend to mix it up so that stamina and endurance training are intermixed with sword work and some hand to hand combat sessions."

"Sounds good." The red head commented while nodding in agreement, the distribution of the work required for each tutorial showing a well thought out schedule for Cloud's development. "What about assignments and educational progression?" He asked, before glancing up and looking questioningly between the pair. "How much time do you guys spend on the academic side of things?"

"I'm actually a little ahead in class." Cloud mumbled shyly, his fair cheeks warming as he gave the reply and noticed Zack's expression become one of pride. "I tend to do the assignments in the evening or at weekends in my spare time."

"Don't be modest Spiky; you're way ahead in all of your classes." The soldier pointed out, his words causing the blonde's delicate features to bloom with more colour.

"That's good, but you shouldn't push yourself too much to get it all done now." Reno aired thoughtfully, his hand already taking hold of a pencil as he began to jot down ideas on a fresh piece of paper.

"I'm not pushing myself." The cadet protested faintly, his angelic face showing a slightly confused expression as he looked towards Zack questioningly.

"It's true Red." The soldier agreed quickly, seeing the uncertainty in the blonde across from him.

"If he's in class all day and then training with you each evening then it doesn't leave much time for studies." The young Turk pointed out, his head not even lifting up to glance at them as he spoke. "It's no wonder he doesn't get any time to chill out properly with you and Angeal riding his arse all the time."

"What?" Was the squeaked response from the cadet, his barley diminishing blush finding life once more and re-igniting his glowing pink cheeks with a new wash of crimson.

"Reno." Zack growled lowly, his cautionary tone thankfully drawing the red head's full attention towards them again.

"Sorry, bad choice of words." The young Turk apologised, as he finally looked up and his sea green eyes danced warmly between shocked bright blue and warning deep violet. "I just meant that this schedule is great for buffing you up Cloud, making you good for a soldier candidate and all, but it doesn't give you a lot of time to just be you. You know what I mean?"

"No." The cadet stated simply, his lips at least able to form one more word as the rest of his language skills continued to evade him.

"Well shit." Reno sighed, his lean frame slumping against the back of the chair as he took in the blonde's very serious expression. "Zack man, what have you been doing all this time?" He demanded lightly, the way he now spoke showing it was more than just a continuation of their friendly banter from earlier. "You work him ragged and then don't even give him time to play."

"We do have fun." The soldier protested sulkily, his troubled violet eyes glancing over at the blonde and silently asking Cloud for confirmation of this as he spoke. "I mean we enjoy ourselves with training and poker night was good." He continued, as the cadet nodded almost robotically in agreement with his words.

"We both enjoyed training with our mentors as well, but you know I don't mean that kind of fun." The red head grumbled, another annoyed huff showing that he was mildly disappointed in Zack's lack of effort in this area. "You are just as aware as I am that there is more to life than training and work, so bad puppy for not teaching that to Blondie here as well."

"Hey." The soldier whined as his pet name was once gain used against him. "It's not like we've had much opportunity to ..."

Here Zack's words trailed off as he realised that there was nothing he could say which wouldn't hurt Cloud in some way, the truth of their situation being clear for all to see and letting them all know that some off duty entertainment was definitely more than over due.

"Right." The young Turk stated before either soldier or cadet could get emotional over the slip up. "We start now and today's lesson will be a flying one." He stated evenly, his phone already in hand and dialling a number as he spoke.

"Reno you don't ..." Zack began to say, his words dying on his lips as the red heard gave him a small glare and began to speaking to someone on the other end.

"Hey Tseng, I need to borrow the chopper for a couple of hours. That ok?"

Sky blue eyes went wide as they connected with equally stunned lavender orbs, both soldier and cadet shocked by the Turk's causal and almost cocky tone with his superior officer as well as the idea of what he was suggesting. Neither were about to admit it but there was a nervous excitement now running through them, Cloud because he'd never flown before let alone in a craft such as the one Reno was planning on, and Zack because these days he really only ever went up in one when on a mission.

"Got it, thanks." The red head ended his call, the distinctive click of his phone snapping shut breaking Cloud and Zack out of their stunned silence and back to look at him again.

"You're seriously taking us for a ride?" The soldier couldn't help but ask, the joy of what they were about to do now bubbling away within him.

"Yep, so get your shit together." Reno confirmed, his lanky frame slouching back comfortable in the chair as he waited for the pair to put their shoes on and grab a jacket each.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Twenty minutes later found the trio walking across landing pad C and approaching the aircraft which was prepped and waiting for them, each of them now silent as they focused on what was to come.

"I can't believe we're doing this." Cloud whispered, more to himself than anyone else, his words however not being missed by the soldier who walked beside him.

"It's cool Spiky." Zack reassured with a warm smile, his violet eyes now glowing with a child-like eagerness. "Tseng gave it the ok, so it's not like we can get in trouble."

"I know, I'm just ..." the blonde began, his voice faltering as once again the use of language escaped him and left him helpless to explain what he was feeling.

"Nervous?" Reno guessed for him, the red head at least having the decency not to laugh out loud even though the amusement was clear in his eyes.

"I've never flown before." The cadet mumbled self-consciously, his sapphire eyes instantly going straight to the floor so that he wouldn't see their reactions to his next comment knowing that he would appear weaker because of it. "And I get motion sickness." He admitted reluctantly, his own bitterness and self-loathing of this fact very evident in his voice.

"Good thing you mentioned that now then." The red head replied sounding relieved, his relaxed and understanding tone instantly making Cloud's head snap up to look at him again.

"You mean ... you're not ... angry at me? It's ... ok?" The blonde choked, the look on his delicate features being one of complete disbelief that they were accepting his flaw so easily.

"Why would we be angry at you for something you have no control over?" Reno asked casually, his question cleverly giving the impression that he didn't know as much about the blonde's past as he did.

Beside them the soldier couldn't help but smile knowing better, his face briefly glancing up to offer his friend a silent thanks for playing this card and ingeniously providing Cloud with an invitation to open up about things if he wanted to.

"It ... it's a weakness." The cadet whispered almost fearfully, his sky blue eyes searching the sea-green ones in front of him as if looking for confirmation of this self-confirmed fact.

"Well, it's not exactly the best thing to have." The young Turk agreed reluctantly, the friendly smile on his face remaining as he tried to reassure the blonde that it really was ok. "But once you get into soldier and start on the mako treatments it should get better. Until then just make sure you tell someone before going on any missions and they can give you what I'm about to." He continued, while reaching inside the cockpit and pulling out a small kit, his aqua orbs now clearly searching for something important. "Ah, here it is." He cheered happily, his hand coming out of the small case it had been sifting through with a small plastic container in his grasp.

"Motion sickness tablets." Zack chuckled, his own confusion and curiosity about what the red head was doing instantly evaporating as he recognised the familiar container. "I should have thought of that."

Reno stopped in his task of removing one of the pills to look up at the soldier in front of him. "Did you know Cloud gets motion sickness?"

"No, but I should have remembered that you guys carried those just in case." He sighed, his head tilting in the direction of what the young Turk was holding and looking sheepishly at the cadet with a soft apologetic expression.

"You mean ... I'm not the only one who ... gets sick?" The blonde asked in surprise, the unspoken joy and relief this discovery gave him being obvious as he visibly relaxed in front of them.

"You're kidding right." Reno chuckled happily, as he passed the small white tablet to the blonde along with a bottle of water to help swallow it with. "I've had a couple of upper class guys lose their lunch in the back more than once and I wish they'd had the balls to mention that little problem in advance."

The red head was too busy putting his kit away to notice the light which suddenly shone in the blonde's eyes, or catch the shy smile which formed on his soft lips as his face developed a faint pink hue, but Zack had and was more than grateful to his friend in that moment. Whatever could be said about the young Turk he was good at what he did and didn't pull punches with what he said, the way Cloud now responded to his casual behaviour giving the soldier more confidence that the coming week would be just fine after all.

"Right." Reno declared, as he turned back round to face them and smiled mischievously. "Who's up for a flying lesson?"

"Oh, you mean you'll actually let me fly this time." Zack joked playfully, knowing full well that the red head wouldn't let him within ten foot of the controls after his last attempt.

"I don't think so." The fiery haired Turk replied as expected, his turquoise orbs darkening as he silently let the soldier know he didn't stand a chance.

"You mean ... me?" Cloud stuttered, his head flicking quickly between both Reno and Zack as he took in both men's expressions to see if they were serious. "But I ... I can't ... fly." He spluttered much to their amusement and his own humiliation, as his voiced squeaked out the words.

"That's the point of a lesson." Reno chuckled, unable to hide his pleasure at how the blonde's fair features were once again lighting up with amazement and awe as he tried to take it all in. "Now get your butt inside there and let's get this bird off the ground." He mock ordered, the words having barely left his mouth before Zack was climbing into the back to buckle himself in.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Ten minutes later and they were airborne; the craft leaving the ground fare behind as it rose up towards the clouds and ascended to the heavens. Within the cockpit Cloud was staring wide-eyed out of the window, his face a mixture of rapture and fear as he took in everything that the sight offered him. Reno smiled but remained quite as he carefully guided the well tuned machine through a series of gentle manoeuvres, his normal style of flying put on hold while he had the nervous cadet seated beside him. It was clear to see that the motion sickness medication hadn't quite taken effect yet, the faint off colour complexion which had formed on the blonde's delicate features easily warning him to take it easy at first. There was of course the added evidence of Cloud's hands grasping both the seat and safety harness so tightly that his knuckles had gone white, a quick glance at the soldier sitting behind them allowing the young Turk to see that Zack was also aware that something wasn't quite right with the cadet just yet and silently thanking the red head for what he was doing.

Another twenty minutes passed as Reno took them further out and away from Midgar, the extra time giving the blonde's body more of a chance to adjust to it all. The slight turbulence they did encounter was easily dealt with and the gradual return of a healthier colour to Cloud's cheeks slowly letting both soldier and Turk know that the tablets were finally doing their job.

"Ok." Reno began, his words surprisingly being the first any of them had spoken since taking off and actually catching the blonde by surprised as they echoed in the headset he was now wearing. "You ready to take over?"

"Me? But I don't know how." The cadet stammered. The nervous excitement he was suddenly feeling very clear for the other two to hear and for the red head to see in those glorious pools of blue before him.

"Just take hold of the control stick in front of you." Reno began to direct, his head nodding in confirmation as Cloud did as he was instructed. "Good, now make sure you have a firm grip, but keep it relaxed so you don't hold it too tightly."

"How do I know if it's right?" The blonde asked in confusion, the expression he now wore being one that was desperate not to screw up and get them all killed.

"Relax." The young Turk chuckled, as he smiled reassuringly at the blonde. "It's not that hard to get used to once you get a feel for it."

"Just compare it to sword work." Zack cut in quickly, his voice thankfully not betraying his own uncertainty in what the red head was about to do. "You remember how you needed to learn how to grip the hilt properly so that you could wield the blade correctly.

"Yes." Cloud gasped back anxiously, his head quickly turning back to look at the soldier and show that he wasn't joking about his fears when he spoke again. "But screwing up with my hold on a sword won't get us all killed."

"You won't get us killed, so stop panicking." Reno sighed, his words drawing both blue and violet eyes towards him questioningly. "If it looks like you're having trouble I'll just switch the control back to me, ok?"

"You mean ... I'll be flying ... on my own?" The cadet choked, his chest raising a falling notable now as he fought to calm his racing heart.

"Well, how else did you think I was going to give you a flying lesson?"

Neither soldier nor Turk heard exactly what the cadet said as a reply in that moment, his voice disappearing to practically nothing as the softly spoken words slipped from between his slightly paler then normal pink lips. Yet each could easily guess what thoughts were currently running through Cloud's head based on the worried expression which had now formed on his soft angelic face.

"Hey." Reno began, his tone becoming softer and encouraging as he drew the cadet's attention back towards him again. "I'm going to be right here the whole time, so just relax and try to enjoy yourself." He stated calmly, his turquoise orbs trying to communicate his confidence in the blonde's abilities as nervous blue spheres looked at him apprehensively. "Just try to keep her steady for a few minutes and then we'll go from there." He explained, his hand already reaching for the switch that would give the blonde complete control. "Ready?"

Cloud couldn't speak, the words he wanted to say stuck in his suddenly dry throat. His heart was racing a million miles an hour, the poor organ beating so fast his ribs actually felt bruised by the force. Short sharp breaths showed his anxiety but the flash of determination with deep pools of blue also revealed that he was ready for this, a head of blonde spikes bobbing once a second before the young Turk flipped the switch.

A second later and Cloud felt the control in his hands pull slightly, the grip he had on the item tightening as he fought to keep it firmly in place.

"Good, but easy up on your grip." Reno advised as he watched the blonde struggle slightly. "You don't have to hold her exactly in place; it's not like driving where you have to stay in the lanes." He joked lightly. His sea-green eyes glittering with amusement as he heard Zack mumbled something about just staying away of trees, a comment which the cadet had thankfully missed due to his undivided attention being on what he was now doing.

"I'm ... flying." Cloud gasped in delight after a few minutes, his young innocent features portraying a picture of pure childhood joy as he risked a quick glance at the red head beside him.

"Yep, you sure are." Reno agreed with a bright smile.

"Great work Spiky." Zack added from behind them, his tender and adoring look for the blonde being filled with pride as well.

"Really?" The cadet chirped to their amazement, his beaming smile actually revealing a row of perfect white teeth as he presented them with the biggest grin the Turk had been blessed to see so far.

"Now what do I do?" Cloud asked eagerly, the slight tremble in his voice still letting them know he was nervous despite his very obvious excitement and pleasure in what they were doing.

"We keep going like this for a while and then when you feel ready I'll start to show you something else." Reno replied cheerfully, his enjoyment of the unplanned lesson showing clearly on his face as he grinned happily for both soldier and cadet to see.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The next hour was filled with fun and excitement for all, Cloud's previous hesitation now pretty much gone as he began to grasp the basics of what he was being taught. Already he had been shown how to control the small craft so that it banked to either the left or the right, his ability to pick things up quickly meaning that Reno had him forming large figures of eight in the air in no time. In fact, the cadet had been so caught up in what he was doing that he didn't even notice when the red head leant back in his chair and let his hands rest comfortably on his lap. The young Turk still ready to take over if need be, but happy enough with the blonde's progress to let him have complete control.

Needless to say it wasn't until he had finished performing his second set of manoeuvres forming those entertaining little circles independently that Cloud had seen Reno's hands no longer near the control stick, his head instantly snapping up so that shocked blue eyes could meet with pleased and amused sea-green orbs.

"I ... I did it ... by myself?" Cloud choked out, his wondrous blue eyes sparking as he took in both Reno and Zack's delighted expressions.

"Yep, you sure did." The soldier confirmed happily, his warm violet eyes being full of pride as he spoke.

"Wow." The cadet breathed softly, his bright sapphire gaze filling with a look of wonder as he let the significance of what he'd just done sink in. "I flew." He half asked, half stated, his softly spoken words of disbelief causing the other two to chuckle softly.

"Yea Blondie, you flew." The young Turk replied cheerfully. The smile on his face being only a little smaller than Zack's, but no less pleased with Cloud's effort, as he casually re-took control of the craft and began to guide them all home.


	61. Chapter 61: Before you go away

**Hi. Sorry, it took a bit longer than planned. Enjoy.**

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**Before you go away**

To say that the flying lesson had been a success was an understatement, the elation it had drawn from Cloud showing that whatever Reno's style of teaching would be the cadet would have fun experiencing it. And for this Zack was more than grateful to his fiery haired friend. The knowledge that not only would his Spiky be safe during his absence, but that the blonde would also enjoy himself, while learning a few new things as well, filling his troubled heart with relief. It was also good to see the two getting along so well, the easier smiles that seemed to form on Cloud soft pink lips as Reno and he chatted freely about the week ahead letting the soldier relax in the knowledge that his friend was slowly becoming Cloud's as well.

Needless to say the return to base was not the end of their time together, the three of them all deciding that it was too good a day to head straight back to the boring apartment after such an exhilarating ride. As a result they ended up at a local park kicking a cheap football around, one that Zack had purchased instinctively after seeing it in a shop window and declaring that he wanted to play with it. Needless to say the soldier had been teased a lot for his words and actions, the playful and faintly teasing references which both the cadet and Turk made to his puppy nickname making him squirm with mild embarrassment while shooting each of them dirty looks. Still he couldn't help but smile at the way the pair were now getting along, even if it was at his expense, and he was glad that he'd pushed for the activity. The brightly coloured sphere of plastic they all played with somehow managing to bring them even closer together, as a bizarre and completely made-up game involving the object formed between them.

"Hey, that's cheating." Reno shouted at the soldier, as he scrambled back to his feet again and made a chase for the ball.

"No rules, remember." Zack called back, his attention only partially on the red head as the rest focused on getting past Cloud and scoring a goal.

The cadet however was too busy laughing at the scene which had just unfolded before him to be of any real problem and so the soldier had no trouble getting past the last defence to score a goal, as the blonde sank breathlessly to his knees on the grass. Zack watched with delight as once again that day he was witness to a happy and carefree Cloud, the cadet now so relaxed in their presence that he actually allowed himself to flop down on the grass and closed his bright sky blue eyes trustingly. And in that moment the soldier felt a swell of emotion rise up within him, the sight of normally pale cheeks now flushed from pleasure and framed by shinning golden hair, which was splayed out over lush rich green grass, making something warm flutter in his heart just before it began to go south to his groin.

The dark blue denim of Zack's jeans suddenly began to feel a little uncomfortable as hungry lavender eyes drunk in the vision of a steadily rising and falling chest, Cloud's heart clearly beating a faster stronger rhythm now as it tried to replenish the muscles in his body with much needed oxygen. In addition to this a fine sheen of sweat had formed on the cadet's supple frame, from all the running he'd done while trying to keep up with them, and the soldier felt his breath catch as that coral toned flesh seemed to glow with a radiant light as the sun reflected brightly off the flushed surface. A heated set of violet orbs were unable to look away as they followed the contours of developing muscles, which were currently visible beneath a thin cotton t-shirt, the damp material now being plastered to the blonde's lithe figure in just the right places and accentuating his glorious body perfectly for all to see. It was only as his smouldering amethyst eyes dragged themselves down over that delightful vision of Cloud's torso that they met the end of the cadet's top, the hem having ridden up slightly where the blonde lay stretched out on the ground and now revealing a delicious view of glistening peachy hued flesh as well as the highly tempting dip of an exposed belly button.

In that moment Zack's heart did a flip-flop of excitement and whatever control he'd had over his mind was lost, the sight of such enticing skin turning his brain off and his body on. Fingers began to tingle and palms became sweaty as they remembered the feel of the blonde's hips in their grasp, the swelling flesh between his legs quickly pushing forward as it strained to recreate the motions their bodies had made together on the sofa once before. The soldier wasn't even aware that he'd licked his suddenly dry lips in a suggestive way, his mind already painting an image of his tongue dancing over that ivory skin and dipping seductively into the hollow at the cadet's navel.

"Yo, Blondie. You ok?" Reno's called out a little louder than necessary, his sea-green eyes having easily picked up on Zack's current state and while highly amused by it all knew he had to snap the man out of it quickly.

"Yea, I'm good." Cloud replied with a contented sigh, the expression which adored his delicate features being one of simple pleasure as he lay peacefully at their feet.

Thankfully the red head's voice had been at a level which was just right to snap the soldier out of his trance without attracting the blonde's attention, the cadet's eyes thankfully remaining closed as he continued to lie serenely on the grass and draw in slower and more controlled breaths. Zack on the other hand was now drawing in slightly faster breaths and his bright violet eyes were a little wider as they looked up to meet teasing turquoise orbs. One glance was all it took and suddenly the soldier's body felt hot and his face ignited with fire at the sight of the red head's knowing expression, the repressed laughter which bubbled within those sea-green spheres mercifully not finding a voice but still being more than obvious as it danced within the glowing blue-green coloured orbs. Embarrassment washed over Zack like a tidal wave as he quickly turned away and tried to bring his over excited body back under control again, his sun-kissed skin having become darker and more rosy in hue as a deep shade of red bloomed all over his body.

"How about we go grab something to eat?" Reno continued casually as if nothing of significance was happening, the overly pleased smirk which was plastered on his lips luckily not being heard in his voice as he spoke.

"That sounds good." Cloud agreed, his shy blue spheres finally becoming visible as he opened his eyes to look up at them. "I am kind of hungry." He admitted with a faint blush, one of his delicate hands unconsciously reaching down to gently rub his stomach as if soothing it.

"Well we did sort of miss lunch." The red head agreed, only just managing not to choke on his own laughter as the soldier's breath hitched notable and amethyst orbs were once again locked on that small expanse of the blonde's soft skin. "How about we go grab a burger or something?" He offered while discreetly nudging Zack's leg to get his attention again. "There's a great place just round the corner from here if you're up for it."

"Huh?" The soldier mumbled. His poor frazzled mind still misfiring as it tried to pull itself out of the gutter, get over the humiliation of being caught out, and desperately tried not to get so distracted again.

"Food." The Turk repeated, his lips quirking up even more as he gave Zack a look which said that the soldier was never going to hear the end of this one. "That sound good to you?"

"Uh, yea. Sure." The raven haired teen stammered, his handsome features easily revealing that whatever ammunition Reno was gaining from this it would last a while.

Fortunately Cloud was too busy climbing to his feet again to really pay attention to the silent conversation going on beside him, the soldier and Turk quickly sharing looks which spoke volumes of how much each was either enjoying or dreading the outcome of what had just happened.

It wasn't until they had eaten and Cloud had gone to use the restroom that those unspoken things had finally been given a voice, the words which each wanted to say finally having a change to be heard.

"Man, you've got it bad." Reno sighed, as soon as the cadet was out of sight.

"No kidding." Zack agreed without hesitation, the smile on his face being a happy one even as his violet eyes softly begged the red head to be kind with his teasing.

"Lighten up Fair." The young Turk chuckled, his own grin reaching from ear to ear. "I'm not going to make you suffer. Much." He joked lightly, a roll of lavender orbs showing that his playful comments were being taken well even if they weren't exactly wanted.

"He's just ..." Zack began, the words he needed to suitably describe the blonde failing him as they all came up short in quality.

"Perfect." Reno offered gently, the sparkle in his sea-green eyes being something more tender now as he spoke

"Yea." The soldier breathed in agreement, his head instinctively turning to look over to where Cloud had last been and would be returning from.

"I'll keep him safe for you, I promise."

Zack's head snapped back towards the young Turk in a second, the sudden topic change catching him by surprise and making his heart skip a couple of beats as it raced at the reminder of what was going to happen in less than 24 hours.

"He's tough and can take care of himself, so if there is trouble try to let him handle it himself first ok." The soldier started to say, his suggestion being firm almost like an order, but not quite, as it was spoken. "If you jump in straight away he'll know what we organised and think I didn't trust him to coup on his own."

"But you haven't asked me to do this." Reno pointed out. "Tseng did."

"Yea, but I'm betting Angeal had something to do with it and I'm pretty sure Spiky would work it out and trace it back to me from there."

"That's not exactly fair."

"Tell me about it." Zack chuckled in amusement, his head shaking faintly to push the displeasing thought to the back of his mind.

"I'll do my best to not get involved unless necessary." The red head agreed slowly, his expression saying he wasn't happy about the idea but could understand it. "You know Tseng will kick my butt if Cloud gets hurt on my watch again, but I'll give him a chance to work it out first if it makes you happy."

"Thanks."

"No problem. It's what friends are for, right?" Reno asked, his question drawing the soldier's attention back to him fully again.

"Thank you, for today." Zack sighed, the smile on his face becoming soft and the grateful look in his violet eyes intensifying. "He had a really good time and I think it's helped him to feel more comfortable around you."

"He's more relaxed because you're here." The young Turk pointed out, the truth of the matter not deterring him in the slightest. "But you're right about it helping him to feel more comfortable with being himself around me."

"He's looking forward to training with you." The soldier revealed with a light-hearted chuckle, as the red head's eyebrows rose slightly in surprise.

"He said that?"

"Yep, yesterday, when we were at Angeal's for dinner." Zack stated happily, his expression becoming a little more serious as he continued. "He said that you might be able to show him some techniques for hand to hand combat which could be an advantage over the others. Something about moves you did to him that day I was busy, and he sparred briefly with you, as part of your time together."

"Yea, we did sort of go at it." The red head confirmed with a guilty look as he remembered flooring the blonde a number of times. "Sorry if I was a little ... rough ... on him."

"Don't be, he liked it."

"What?"

"You didn't treat him with 'kid gloves' as he put it." Zack explained, his fingers making air quotation marks at the term Cloud had used to show it was the cadet's own words. "And I think that's why he's happy to go along with this, even if it is an obvious attempt to keep an eye on him."

"So it's ok if he ends up with a few bruises at the end of the week?"

The soldier couldn't help but smile at the uncertainty he heard in the young Turks voice, the question being a valid one in many ways and the red head clearly needing an answer so that he could judge just how far to take things with the cadet.

"I won't like it but I'll accept a few cuts and bruises because they'll happen naturally. He doesn't want to hold back with his training so you shouldn't either." Zack replied, a small sigh of resigned acceptance and mild amusement passing his lips before he spoke again. "Just don't break any bones, ok. He can get a bit carried away himself when he gets into things and half the time doesn't know when to quite, even when he's about to drop. He'll probably push you like he tries to push me during training and if you're not careful you could end up hurting him."

"I'm quick Zack and the small amount of mako in my veins does make me a bit stronger than normal guys, but I don't have anything like your strength to use against him."

"I know that, but remember I've sparred with you and know exactly what you are capable of. Especially when you really get into the battle. Also that little toy of yours packs quite a punch, so don't even think of using it." The soldier added, his hard lavender spheres going to the place on Reno's body where he knew the Turk's EMR was discreetly hidden.

"I guess you're right." The red head had to agree. A cocky smile forming on his lips as he thought back over the times they had trained together, when supposedly Angeal and Tseng had been unaware of it. "I promise not to use the mag-rod on him but I want to show him how to use it, give him a chance to learn about some other weapons instead of just swords and guns."

It was at that point that both noticed a familiar figure emerge through the doorway which led to the restrooms, the sight of the easily recognisable individual, and currently discussed person, instantly brining their conversation to an end. It only as the pair watched Cloud approach however, that they saw how his steps appeared considerably lighter than before, the calmer and notably happier aura which now seemed to surround him making both smile softly. No longer did the cadet seem nervous about being in their company, the withdrawn and defensive behaviour which both had grown used to seeing in the troubled blonde appearing to be absent in the young man who currently stood before them. Instead there was a person who looked upon them with a shy smile and a contented glow in his sky blue eyes, the lingering shadows which still remained visible deep within the azure spheres now a little fainter than they had been before.

"Hey Spiky." Zack greeted tenderly, his handsome features softening to a look of affection for the cadet which made Cloud's pale cheeks warm slightly. "You good to go?" He asked with a gentle and loving tone, which only made his feelings for the blonde even more obvious.

"Yes." Was all Cloud could manage as a reply before he shyly looked away. The intensity of the soldiers gaze having caused a delightful and comforting warmth to form in his chest and begin spreading throughout his entire body.

"I was just chatting to Fair here about some ideas for your training." Reno informed the blonde, his words breaking through whatever little moment the two were having and causing blue eyes to look at him in surprise while purple ones went wide in shock and disbelief.

"You ... you were." Cloud mumbled uncertainly, his bright sapphire orbs flashing with various emotions as he tried to work out how he should take the news. "What ... what about ... me?" He stammered more than just nervously now, his worried and uncertain blue eyes dancing between both soldier and Turk as he spoke.

"I was just explaining to Zack that I wasn't going to be restricting our sessions to hand-to-hand stuff." The red head began, his confession of their private conversation making the soldier start to worry just how much Reno was about to reveal. "He also said I shouldn't be too rough on you, but I guess that's really up for you to decide." He added casually, the soldier's jaw dropping in stunned silence at the admission to their conversation while the cadet's blonde eyebrows went up in astonishment at the red head being so honest.

"I ..." Cloud started to say, his voice faltering in his throat as a tongue quickly appeared to remoisten suddenly dry lips. "I sort of knew ... that you'd do that." He said quietly, his body having turned more to face Zack as he spoke. "I just wasn't expecting you to admit to it." He continued, his hips turning slightly so that he was now looking at the red head when the reason for his uncertainty was explained.

"You thought I'd keep it from you?" Reno guessed, a faint chuckle filling the air around them as his smile grew and his lean frame leaned back into the comfort of the chair he was sitting on. "I aint gonna keep stuff from you kid, can't build a good working relationship that way." He stated simply, a glimmer of something else deeper and more important than that appearing in his sea-green eyes as he hesitated to add the last part. "Also doesn't go down to well to keep stuff from friends, or so I've heard."

In that moment Zack wasn't sure if he was too young to have a heart attack, his chest certainly doing a good job of tightening and squeezing the large muscle in a crushing, vice-like grip as a void of silence settled around them. Already Reno's words were echoing in his own mind and swirling around and around until there was nothing else there, his need for air forgotten as the last breath he'd taken became trapped in his throat until Cloud reacted in some way to what had been said. Fear began to form in his heart as the seconds ticked by with no sign of acceptance or rejection, the ache of needing to know waging a war with his desire to turn back time and gag the red head suitable so that this wouldn't happen.

"Honesty is important to me Reno." The cadet began, his words being spoken so softly that both soldier and Turk had to lean forward to hear them properly. "I don't want false friendships and I don't need a babysitter while Zack's away." He stated calmly, too calmly in Zack's opinion, as the blonde's voice continued to speak with very little emotion. "If you're doing this to keep Zack and Angeal happy, or if it's because Tseng ordered you to, then that's fine with me. Just don't pretend to be something you're not to make the job easier."

"Ouch." The red head breathed, his smile falling away as it became clear that the happy cadet they had seen only moments ago was now gone and the guarded blonde he'd meet at the beginning was once again standing in front of him. "A guy could be hurt by you saying things like that."

"I've been hurt by empty promises and cutting words before Reno, so trust me when I say that's nothing." Cloud growled lightly, a flicker of blue flame within his eyes showing that finally an emotion was starting to come through and that it was not the one they had wanted to see.

"I'm not making any promises, empty or otherwise." The red head replied evenly, his mind already reeling over how quickly his comment had morphed into this disaster. "I just know how you feel about secrets and didn't want you to think that I was about to start keeping things from you." He managed to say calmly, his voice continuing to hold its neutral tone while his turquoise orbs refused to look away from the burning blue which bore into them. "I'm also not saying we have to be friends, if you don't want to, but that the option is there if you want it."

"Then tell me something." Cloud began, his own voice now trembling slight as he felt some of the anger begin to fade and be replaced with an unfamiliar, yet strangely craved, kind of hope. "Are you just assigned to train with me, or watch over me as well?" He asked as calmly as he could, a silent prayer forming unbidden in his mind that maybe there was actually a chance of something like friendship forming between them.

Zack felt his heart lurch in his chest as the words passed the blonde's soft pink lips, the truth of the situation so evident in Cloud's wary sapphire eyes that he had to have already known the answer. Yet, here he was asking anyway. The question which was now put to Reno almost daring the red head to lie, the obvious distrust which was slowly building within the blonde showing that he was clearly expecting to hear the wrong answer being spoken.

"Training with you is the first priority, then, as long as I'm not needed for an assignment, I'm to keep a discreet eye you at times when you might be more vulnerable."

Again there was a minute of silence between all of them, the soldier and Turk remaining seated at the table while the cadet continued to stand a few feet away from them appearing unsure how to proceed. It was clear to see that Cloud had not been expecting that response, that the anger which had been building inside ready for the lie suddenly had nowhere to go and had drained away leaving the blonde at a loss for words or actions.

"I'm sorry for ... doubting you." The cadet finally said, his softly spoken apology easing the tension in Reno's body and allowing Zack to finally take the breath his body so desperately needed. "I have ... issues." He mumbled uncomfortably, his head turning away as he found himself unable to look at either of them.

"Zack's mentioned the problems you had with the other cadet's here." Reno carried on, as if the conversation was not really as heavy on their emotions as it had become. "I understand that you might not be ready to trust me just yet, but I'm hoping you'll give me a chance."

"I ... I want to trust you as well." Cloud replied slowly, his eyes closing briefly as if trying to bloke out memories he no longer wanted to see. "And I guess you've never really given me a reason to be suspicious of you, even if you did bug the apartment that one time."

It was a small joke, an attempt to lighten the mood and relive some of the tension which still lingered around them, and both raven and red haired men grasped it with both hands and held on tight.

"He only did that so I could keep an eye on you." The soldier explained, drawing the other two's attention towards him again and reminding them of his presence once more.

"I know." The blonde sighed wearily, his previously built defences breaking down to show a tiredness that seemed to go bone deep within him. "And I'm sorry for over reacting and spoiling the day. I know you both mean well, but I don't want to be treated like a child who can't protect themselves. I learnt to take care of myself from a young age and I'm not about to let that go to waste, or let myself become weak and defenceless, so that all of you can feel better about keeping me safe."

"It's not like that Spiky."

"But that's how it's starting to feel Zack, like because I made one really stupid mistake all those weeks ago people can't trust me to survive this place."

"I never meant for you to feel that way." The soldier whispered softly, his pale lavender orbs slowly disappearing behind closed eyelids as they found themselves unable to meet the gaze of Cloud's intense blue ones anymore.

"I know that as well." The blonde reassured tenderly, the gentle touch of his hand against Zack's face causing the soldier's amethyst eyes to open once more and stare up at the softly smiling cadet beside him. "Like I said, I've given you plenty of reasons to worry about me. But it needs to stop. This over protectiveness you're feeling has to ease back so that I can find my feet to walk strong again."

"You're already strong Cloud, you've proved that more than once."

"Then let me have some time for me next week, give me a chance to just walk around without feeling like I have a shadow following me every step I take." The cadet pleaded gently, his hand moving up to tenderly cup Zack's jaw so that there would be a loving touch to show that his request was not meant to offend or upset. "I won't make it into soldier if I end up relying on you and everyone else all the time. There's also no way the more senior officers will let me even try out, if they think I need someone holding my hand."

"You're right and I'm sorry." Zack sighed, his breath escaping as a warm puff of air which travelled down over Cloud's exposed wrist and made a faint trail of goose bumps rise along the cadet's arm. "I guess I'm just having a harder time at accepting things than you are."

"I'm dealing with them because I can't change them." The blonde pointed out, his insides twisting at the thought that the soldier might be misunderstanding his intentions. "I ... I love you, you know that right?" Cloud murmured, the softly spoken question holding so much desperate emotion it was now a complete opposite to what had been visible only minutes ago.

"Of course I do." Zack was quick to reply. His own sword calloused hands now coming up off the table, where they had been lying uselessly, to gently grasp the cadet's hips and draw him closer. "And it's because I love you so much that I worry, but you already know that." He added, the reminder being accompanied by his powerful arms encircling the blonde's narrow waist and gently pulling him into a tender embrace.

The response Cloud gave wasn't a verbal one, at least not one which could be considered to be words. Instead the soft hum of agreement which sounded against a mass of raven coloured spikes let the soldier know that he was right, the blonde's lips adding more silent reassurance as they pressed lightly against the crown of Zack's head to place a chaste kiss there.

"Not that I'm expecting the kind of reaction, but are we cool too?" Reno asked. The young Turk very much aware that the moment he was witnessing was still fragile, but needing to know that things between himself and Cloud would be alright.

As if realising how intimately they were now held against each other the cadet instinctively stepped back and looked nervously around himself, his wide blue eyes not recognising anyone familiar but still able to notice the few faces which now seemed to be watching them curiously.

"Shit." Zack swore softly, as he also saw what the blonde had seen, his arms still lightly draped around Cloud's waits and quickly picking up the slight tremble which had begun to work its way through Cloud's slender frame. "We should go." He informed them both, but more significantly to Reno, as he let Cloud go and rose to his feet. "We still have a schedule to finish sorting out before the end of the day."

"I'll pay." The red head offered, as he noticed the cadet's breathing had accelerated slightly now that he was more aware of the silent audience they had inadvertently gained. "You guys head outside and I'll catch up."

"Thanks." The soldier replied, not even trying to argue the offer, his worried amethyst orbs looking away from the slightly panicked blonde to give Reno a grateful look before he began to move.

Seconds later and Zack had Cloud safely through the door of the burger bar and away from prying eyes, the Turk now taking advantage of their absence to make a mental note of those who had followed the pairs departure and glare at any who dared to show some form of disapproval of what had been seen. Minutes later the red head joined the other two outside and was please to see that the cadet was calmer and more collected again, his fair skin coloured with a faint pink hue now that his embarrassment had settled into something more comfortable and manageable in just their company.

Clearly Zack had said something during his time away from them and once again Reno was given a shyly spoken apology for what had been said inside, as well as a timidly spoken thanks for the meal. But at no point did Cloud bring up the last question which Reno had asked him, whether he'd forgotten about it after his small panic attack or because he didn't have an answer the red head wasn't sure. All the young Turk knew was that as they walked back to the apartment his time to ask again was running out, his gut telling him that he needed to know they were ok so that the training session would not be ruined and so that he would know how to interact with Cloud while Zack was away. He couldn't leave it like that if the soldier was the only thing which connected them, if the small amount of friendship they'd started to former before this was only because of Zack's presence in their lives.

Reno's mind raced as he tried to find a way of bringing up the subject again without causing the same discomfort as before, knowing that if he said the wrong thing now it could all end badly again. He knew from what the soldier had told him that the cadet had issues, and rightly so, but to have the blonde admit such a thing as well had to mean something. After all, hadn't Zack already said that Cloud was careful who he let into his life and how much he trusted them? Surely then, by simply presenting Reno with the door to that information be was silently allowing the red head a chance to see inside.

Maybe if the cadet knew that the soldier had done more than just warn him not to get too rough things would be better, what if he let the blonde know that Zack had also told him not to get involved straight away if something did happen? But then the young Turk realised that saying these things would probably be a bad idea, that admitting to the soldier having faith in Cloud to hold his own in a fight would also indirectly reveal the fact that he was expected something to happen, and there really was no need to give the blonde more to worry about right now.

Reno's uncertain sea-green orbs glanced covertly over at the pair as his mind tried to work it out, the sight of violet spheres filled with conflicting emotions making his own heart react in sympathy to Zack's plight. Right now the cadet was calm as he walked quietly between them, his relaxed expression revealing nothing of the thoughts which must have been going through his own mind after everything that had been said.

Almost too soon the building for the soldier's living quarters came into view and once again they were back in Zack's apartment, freshly brewed cups of tea giving each of them something else to distract them as they set to work on the schedule again. But all too soon the task was done, the majority of the work having been completed in the original rotas and only really needing a touch up here and there before the changes were set in place. And suddenly Reno found himself without a reason to stay any longer, the afternoon having passed them by and leaving only the evening for the pair to spend some last minute quality time together before the morning came and Zack would be gone.

"Take care of yourself Fair." Reno instructed the soldier, as he hovered in the open doorway and prepared to leave. "And I'll see you tomorrow." He informed the blonde, who had also come to see him out.

"Sure." Was the softly spoken reply, the smile which accompanied it easing the knot which was still wound tightly within the red head's chest.

"We ... we're friends, right?" The young Turk found himself asking, the uncertainty he was feeling being very alien to him and his usual confidence. "I mean ... I'm not pretending, if that's what you thought." He added nervously, his turquoise orbs desperately trying to meet and hold the cadet's gaze. "I'm a pain in the arse and liable to get you into more trouble than it's worth, but ... if ... if you need someone to chat to, and not just about training, then you can call me."

"I'd like that and ... thank you Reno ... for everything. Also ... I'm not exactly the easiest person to get along with either, as you might have noticed." Cloud replied gently, his calmer and more accepting tone helping the twisted mass in the red head's stomach to unwind completely. "And I know you're trying to be a friend, a real friend, and I'm sorry again for questioning that. I should have known better."

"Our past teaches us lessons which guide who we are and what we do." The young Turk replied calmly, his smile growing a little more as he saw the understanding begin to dawn in the cadet's bright blue eyes. "It also gives us a reason to face the future in the only way we think we know how."

"You were hurt too." Cloud breathed, his voice holding a sympathy which was filled with admiration of Reno's strength for surviving and not pity which the red head had come to expect when people got to see a hint of his past.

"I'll be happy to swap war stories with you over dinner one night next week." The young Turk offered, careful to keep the invitation open so that it could be declined without upsetting the balance which had been restored.

"I'd like that." The cadet replied warmly, much to the soldier and Turks surprise and silent relief. His acceptance of the offer making Reno feel more confident in their coming time together and Zack's lingering concern about his absence fade just a little bit more.


	62. Chapter 62: Hold me close

**Hi all. **

**Sorry, had a wedding last weekend and it mucked up my aim to get this posted on time. Also, advanced warning, I have another wedding related thing to go to this weekend and then the wedding itself the weekend after. I know, crazy right? **

**Anyway, beause of this I might not be updating properly for a couple of weeks, but I'll try, although I think this might be an ok place to leave the story for a bit. You'll see why once you've read it :o)**

**Ok, so this chapter is for all the lovely people who have reviewed / PM'ed to ask about more intimate moments between Zack and Cloud in this story. **

**YAOI WARNING !!! - If you don't like that kind of thing then please don't read it. For those of you who do, e****njoy :o)**

* * *

**Hold me close**

The front door had barley closed on the departing Turk before Zack's arms took their rightful place around Cloud's slender waist, the strong limbs quickly wrapping themselves over narrow hips and easily drawing the cadet's supple body back against his chest and into a loving embrace.

"Thank you." The soldier whispered softly against Cloud's ear, his breath coming out as a warm brush of air which ghosted over the more sensitive skin and made the blonde shiver slightly in pleasure.

"What for?" Cloud managed to ask, the slight tremble in his voice giving away a faint hint of the feeling of electricity which now seemed to be working its way through his lithe frame.

"For trusting Reno like that. It means a lot to me."

"I know." The cadet replied calmly, his composure holding steady even through the soldier's words had once again released another warm and nerve tingling breath along his neck.

"Are you doing it for me, for you, or for both of us?" Zack asked. Both of them knowing that the question was one which needed to be answered openly, before the soldier would feel comfortable about leaving him alone with Reno.

"For both of us." The blonde reassured gently, his smaller frame seeking comfort from the larger one which surrounded it for a moment more before he pulled away and out of Zack's hold. "I know you want me to accept your friends as my own, but it's still too soon for me to just let them in." Cloud continued, his feet unconsciously carrying him back into the living room and away from the soldier's reassuring presence as he continued to speak. "I'm not saying it will never happen, that I won't be friends with them like you are, but I still need time to get to know them better first." He tried to explain, a set of nervous and almost fearful blue orbs looking back to see if what was being said was also being understood and accepted. "It took a long time and a lot of things for me to trust you Zack and even then I found it hard to let you in. I can't just let down those walls again until I get to know them better; until I feel safe enough to ... I don't know ... be me I guess." The blonde stumbled to say, his voice faltering as his brain finally registered what had been said and the implications of his own words finally sunk in.

It was no surprise to the soldier that Cloud had suddenly gone quiet, the weight of the blonde's confession having revealed to both of them that there was still a lot of emotional baggage which the cadet was choosing to carry alone. It also didn't surprise Zack when Cloud's angelic features seemed to drain a little of their colour or when he swayed slightly where he stood, the cadet's lean legs barley allowing him a chance to lower himself onto the nearest sofa before they gave out on him completely. The soldier could only watch helplessly as the impact of the admission forced Cloud to curl in on himself where he sat, his own heart aching as delicate hands quickly rose to cover the cadet's face and tried to hide what had already been seen. The gloss of tears so clear to see as they shimmered in those fathomless pools of ocean blue, before they were hidden, that Zack felt something deep within him twist painfully at the sight.

Within his own little world Cloud was panicking, his breaths coming in short sharp inhales and exhales of air as he fought to keep himself from crying. He hadn't meant to say those things, or for them to sound the way they had, the soldier's continued silence beside him only reinforcing the sensation of dread which now flowed through him. But the harder he tried to fight them the stronger the feelings became, the unmistakable sensation of betraying wet heat forming around his eyes letting Cloud know that he was losing the battle. Already the stinging sapphire orbs were beginning to feel more irritated by the building pressure of the gathering liquid, the desperate need to not let the tears escape and reveal what was happening causing the blonde to push the palms of his open hands firmly into the already hurt azure spheres and in turn make them feel even more bruised.

Zack however already knew that the tears were there, his senses easily picking up all the signs which said that Cloud was once again slipping back to a place where he was starting to let himself be consumed by his own insecurities. It was also at this point that the soldier realised he'd spent so much time getting the cadet to open up and start accepting the new life they had together, that he hadn't really considered things from the blonde's point of view. His recent efforts having been so focused on bringing the most important people in his life together, that he hadn't thought about whether his needs were what Cloud actually wanted right now.

What angered him the most though was that the cadet's words made sense, that his own blind expectations for the blonde to just agree to the situation, and instantly make friends with the others, had been naïve and if he was honest a little selfish at best. There were plenty of good reasons for Cloud to be so guarded, damn good reasons, and he was fool to think that just because he knew and could trust these people unconditionally that the cadet would be able to do the same, simply because he said so.

A minute later and Zack was moving to kneel at Cloud's feet, his strong thighs going between the cadet's bent legs and gently forcing the blonde's feet slightly further apart to accommodate the new position of their bodies. He didn't move any closer however; as it was clear to see that Cloud was once again tense in front of him. The tightness of the cadet's supple frame, especially across his shoulders, showing that the right words would be needed, before the blonde would look at him again.

"I get it now, why you reacted the way you did earlier with Reno. I really hadn't thought about it that way before and I'm sorry it took you getting upset, and explaining it like this, to make me understand." The soldier began, his hands carefully coming up to rest lightly on Cloud's knees as he spoke. "I never meant to put pressure on you to be friends with them." Zack tried to explain, his mind a whirlwind as he tried to find the right things to say. "I know how much it's taken for you to come this far and I'm so proud of you for believing in me and trying to get to know them. I just got so caught up in how well things were going that I didn't stop to wonder if it was moving too fast for you. It just never occurred to me that you might need to take it slowly while you adjusted to having them in your ... in our life together."

"I'm sorry." Cloud managed, the words coming out as a muffled sob between his hands. "I'm trying, I really am. But sometimes it's just too much."

"What's too much?" Zack needed to know, had to know to make it right again. "Please tell me so I can make this better before I go away."

Only too late did the soldier realise his mistake, that by verbally reminding the cadet of his impending departure he was making the situation worse and perhaps adding to the things which Cloud had just referred to as being too much. Zack watched in horror as clear trails of liquid finally made their way through the gaps beneath the cadet's hands and down his face, the crystal clear beads of moisture easily escaping their confines and revealing that the blonde was indeed silently crying in front of him.

"Oh Spiky, I'm sorry." The soldier breathed, his reservations about touching the cadet falling apart as he quickly pulled the blonde against his chest and held him tightly. "It's because of me going away isn't it? The things you're feeling, they're worse because of everything else you're going through aren't they?"

"I don't want you to go." Cloud choked, his slim arms suddenly moving to encircle the soldier's waist and forcing their bodies even closer together. "But I can't be selfish and expect you to stay, it wouldn't be right." He burbled, the warm drops of water which poured from his sky blue eyes now running freely down his damp cheeks and soaking into Zack's top.

"No Cloud, it's not selfish." The soldier replied, his voice a tender caress as it tried to sooth the cadet and reassure him. "I'd rather stay here with you as well, if I could, but Angeal needs me and so does Kunsel."

"I know." The blonde managed before he hiccupped, the sound making Zack smile despite himself and the situation. "And I meant it when I said you should go." Cloud added before it happened again, this time his mumbling voice offering up a curse when he spoke as a third hiccup escaped him. "Damn it."

"You want a glass of water?" Zack asked carefully, while trying his best not to chuckle now as the emotional moment was neutralised by the humour, or in the cadet's case the embarrassment, of the situation.

"No I'm..." The blonde started to say, the words ending with another small hitching sound and a quite but clearly frustrated series of swear words that made the soldier's eyes light up with repressed laughter.

"Hang on, I'll get you one." Zack stated warmly as he rose to his feet, the movement leaving Cloud with no other choice but to accept. The small gesture also giving the raven haired teen a minute or two to gather himself so that he didn't make the mistake at laughing at the blonde's predicament.

By the time the soldier had returned the cadet's emotions had been brought under some control again and although his fair skin was still flushed a warm shade of red, it was clear to see that some of that was now due to embarrassment rather than just because of the fact he had been crying. Glassy blue orbs looked up at Zack briefly from behind blonde bangs and then disappeared again, the silvery tracks on the cadet's flushed cheeks slowly turning pink as they began to dry and allowing the few golden hairs which had become stuck there to spring free again.

In truth the sight was quite cute and made Cloud look even more adorable, though it was something the soldier had no intention of telling the cadet, and it was with great restraint that he handed the glass over without making a comment that would likely end up with him receiving a dirty look. Instead he watched as a trembling hand carefully accepted the glass of water and noted how the contents sloshed against the edges as it was raised to soft pink lips and slowly sipped. The graceful and almost sensual way that Cloud's throat muscles moved as he swallowed making something in Zack's body grow inappropriately warm at the sight and his seated position on the coffee table suddenly feel a little bit uncomfortable and restrictive.

"Better?" The soldier asked after a few minutes of silence between them, his own body having calmed a little while the blonde's attention had been focused on getting his hic-ups under control. His ever observant violet eyes however, not missing how the cadet flinched slightly at the question and refused to look at him again. "Spiky, look at me please." He begged softly, his muscular frame already moving him back to his previous kneeling position between the blonde's legs. "I know it ... hurts ... to think about it, but I'm going away soon and I don't want to leave with things being like this between us."

"I shouldn't be so weak." Cloud mumbled, his head still not looking up but at least his voice offering some hope to the soldier as the cadet began to speak. "I keep telling you that I'll be ok while you're away, that I can stand on my own two feet without you always by my side, but the truth is I'm scared too. I like having you as my … my shadow … and knowing that I'll be safe because you're there watching over me." The blonde whimpered, his face finally looking up and showing a gloss of tears once again forming in his watery blue eyes. "I didn't mean to get angry at you or Reno for wanting the same thing, but I ... I couldn't help it. I wasn't mad because of what you were planning, but because it made me realise that I wanted it ... no ... that I needed it too. I felt angry with myself for not being strong enough and being scared of something that didn't use to scare me. But most of all I was angry because I didn't want him to do it, that really I wanted it to be you."

"Oh Spiky." Zack managed, his own voice now becoming choked as a lump formed in his throat and made it impossible to speak.

Deep ocean coloured orbs looked up into his own bright amethyst eyes and the soldier knew that more was needed, that the lack of words due to his own emotional state wasn't acceptable as those blurring sapphire spheres threatened to let a river of tears run free again. So, instead of trying to force words that would not come the soldier used actions to convey what he felt, let his more basic instincts guide him as he silently showed what the blonde's confession meant to him with a physical response.

Cloud hadn't been sure what to expect after letting so much slip, his heart and mind at war over what had been said as they argued that it was selfish thing to do. Each beat of the strong muscle reminded him that he wanted Zack, that he needed the soldier by his side to keep him safe and make him feel loved and wanted in this world. His head however was scolding him for making this even harder for the man he loved, for revealing so much when neither had a choice in the matter and allowing himself to appear weak and needy of the support he'd earlier claimed was unnecessary.

The kiss was a surprise for both of them in its own way, Zack's lips being so soft and gentle as they pressed themselves over Cloud's trembling ones and tried to convey all the things he was feeling without words. The soldier hadn't planned on doing it, his body simply taking over and doing what it felt was right for them in that moment. It was a thing that Zack had come to trust over time and so he went with it once his brain registered what was happening, his heart skipping a beat as the cadet first hesitated at the touch and then gave into it and deepened what had been nothing more than an innocent show of affection.

There really was nothing that could have prepared the blonde for what Zack did, the feel of those slightly rough lips against his own making something deep within him ignite into a ball of heat and need. He only paused for a second to acknowledge the sensations which suddenly ran through him, a craving for something more coursing through every cell in his body and burning through his veins like liquid fire. The instinct to take the brief moment further pulled at every fibre of his being and made him act, the desire to feel more and take what he needed to quench his ever rising thirst driving Cloud to deepen the kiss between them.

Zack was the first to pull away from the fierce press of their lips, the distance he put between them being minimal and allowing the hot desperate breaths they shared to pour from their own mouths and into the others. Wide shocked amethyst eyes looked into heated and needing blue, the blazing sapphire orbs crying out for something more as they burned into his soul.

"Cloud I..." Zack began, his voice faltering as the cadet's expression became determined.

"I'm not asking for all the way Zack, but I need this ... I need you." The blonde stated, the dry and now husky tone of his voice vibrating through to the soldier's very core. "I need something more to help me get through the week ahead while you're away, a … a memory to keep me warm at night when you're not there to hold me."

Zack looked deep into Cloud's eyes for a moment, needing to be sure that the desire which filled those glorious sky blue spheres wasn't there through fear of loss or possible abandonment. His heart and mind both in agreement that if Cloud's actions were in fact a sign of needing more than simply sharing their love, then nothing more would happen that night. Thankfully what he saw made Zack breath a small sigh of relief, the emotions he saw swimming within those azure depths being ones which told him that this was not the cadet's doubts or uncertainties asking for proof, but his heart requiring something solid to hold onto during the soldier's absence.

"Alright, Spiky." Zack agreed tenderly, his own heart having seen that the blonde's needs were in fact a reflection of his own. That right now they both needed to feel something more between them before they were separated. "What do you want to do?" He asked gently, understanding the physical need which both of them now required if they wanted to sleep easier that night.

"I want to see you, see you and … and feel every part of you." Cloud whispered nervously, his intense gaze briefly flickering away as he drew a steadying breath before continuing. "I want the memory of what you look like to fill my dreams and the feel of your body to be imprinted on my mind, so that I don't have to imagine what it's like to touch you."

For a moment nothing happened as Zack remained speechlessly looking into those wondrous cobalt orbs that silently begged him to understand, the depths of their beauty being almost heart-stopping as he searched for the right thing to say. The cadet's confession having been spoke so seriously, so longingly, and so passionately that his head was left spinning. The normally uncertain and cautious blonde clearly so caught up in his overwhelming need that he was no longer afraid to make his wishes known.

"Alright." The soldier breathed, his agreement to the softly made demands relieving the remaining tension within Cloud's body. "If that's what you want, then that's what we'll do."

A second later and Cloud felt himself being pulled forward and up out of the sofa he'd been sitting on, his legs not quite ready to support him yet and causing him to stumble forward into Zack's waiting arms.

"It's alright, I've got you." The soldier reassured gently, his body instinctively moving to the cadet's side so that he could place a supporting arm around the blonde's lower back and draw him in closer to his side. "I know we both want this, but I also know you're still nervous so we'll go slowly." He continued to say, his freehand taking hold of one of Cloud's as he gradually began to guide them towards the bathroom. "And if you want to stop at any point just say so, ok?"

"Zack, I ..." The cadet stammered, his feet automatically shuffling along the carpeted floor as he was led through the apartment. "I ... I'm nervous." He admitted, a slight breathiness to his voice showing that it was in fact only part of what he was now feeling.

"Me too." Zack admitted with a light-hearted chuckle, his hand on Cloud's waist tightening a little more as the thumb of the other began to gently rub over the knuckles of the delicate hand they held. "But like I said, we'll only go as far as you want to."

It was at this point that Cloud realised where they were heading, his sky blue eyes opening a little wider as he first looked at the bathroom doorway and then up to the soldier for some sort of explanation.

"I figured that after today we could both do with a shower." Zack admitted sheepishly, his handsome features developing a light dusting of pink as he continued to speak. "And I know we've both seen each other after having one before, so it shouldn't be to different to that." He tried to rationalise, the memories of cold showers after seeing the blonde beside him in only a towel already having a stirring affect on his lower body. "I just thought it might make things a bit more comfortable, for both of us."

"It ... it does make sense." Cloud agreed, his own version of a blush rising higher and becoming deeper than the soldier's as even the tips of his ears turned a bright and vivid shade of pink.

"It'll just be a bit more than we're used to seeing of each other. That is, unless you want to keep your underwear on." Zack offered softly, his gently spoken words echoing slightly on the tiled walls of the room they now found themselves standing in.

But the cadet just shook his head and gave another look which showed just how important this as to him, that determination from before once again burning strongly deep within his glowing eyes.

In response Zack simply smiled and adjusted their position so he could hold the blonde close while placing a feather-light kiss amongst a mass of golden spikes, the gesture being one of affection as well as silent reassurance just before he pulled away again. Cloud then watched with uncertain eyes as the soldier moved towards the shower itself, his sapphire orbs filling with dawning comprehension as he observed how Zack turned on the water and calmly started to adjust the settings so that the desired temperature could be found.

"I'll start it off warm, but if it's too hot, or not hot enough, tell me." The soldier began, as he focused on getting the temperature just right and activated the control which would have the flow redirected to fall from the showerhead above him. "I'm setting it for how I enjoy it so I hope that's ok, but like I said let me know if it's not."

"I'm sure it's fine." The cadet managed to reply, his words barely more than a whisper as they were spoken.

Yet, even above the steady sound of falling water beside him, Zack's mako enhanced hearing had easily picked up the slightly nervous tremble which had entered the blonde's near silent voice. But knowing that asking questions, or pointing out what he'd heard, would possibly only cause more anxiety, the soldier let the matter go. That little voice in his head telling him that while Cloud was sure about what he wanted he was also worried about doing it, that the idea of what they were about to do was resolute in the cadet's mind even as he began to feel self-conscious about what it involved.

"Remember, only what you're ready for." Zack restated gently, as his large frame slowly moved away from the shower stall and back to stand beside the blonde.

Cloud however could do no more than nod in agreement to show that he understood what had been said, his soft pink lips unable to produce a coherent reply as they continued to only allow small shallow breaths to pass over them. Instead the cadet offered up a shy smile just before he found the courage to let his other desires say what he was unable to. His small fingers being granted the freedom to show what couldn't be said by reaching up and cautiously fiddling with the hem of the soldier's t-shirt, as if silently asking for permission to lift it and explore what lay underneath.

Zack smiled affectionately and gave a small nod of his head, the black spikes which farmed his handsome face flicking out briefly and resettling so that they partially covered his bright violet orbs. And strangely this actually seemed to give Cloud a little bit of comfort, the fact that those intense and glowing amethyst spheres were no longer staring directly at him making it easier for him to move again. As a result the soldier had barely taken a small breath when a feather-light touch ghosted over his abdomen, the trails of electricity it left on his heated skin making the muscles underneath ripple and clench in excitement.

Cloud however seemed to take this the wrong way, his finger tips instantly moving away as he felt the warm flesh flex and move away from his touch, the reactions having instantly caused the cadet's confidence to falter again. It was not something that settled well with Zack and he was quick to correct the misunderstanding, his voice coming out patient and understanding, but also filled with the pleasure which now coursed through his veins.

"It's ok, I liked it."

"You ... did?" The blonde murmured, his questioning gaze searching for confirmation that what had been said was really true and not just his imagination.

"Yes, I did." Zack stated calmly, once again allowing that lust-filled tone to accompany his words. "Can you do it again? Please."

There was a moment of hesitation as Cloud let the request sink in and then pulled himself together again, his pale pink lips parting a little more so that the uneven and shallow breathing he was now experiencing could be made easier. Then as his racing heart began to beat a stronger rhythm he placed his hands back on that sun-kissed skin and allowed each finger to press down upon the wall of muscle which lay concealed beneath it.

Zack couldn't help himself and sighed in pleasure as those soft digits moved over his abdomen, as each finger tip nervously glided up and out slightly from where they had started, only to stop half way up his chest before travelling down again to end up resting at his hips just where the material of his jeans began. He didn't hold back the soft moan which followed soon after it, both needing and wanting Cloud to know just how much he was affected by even that simple touch.

"Can I ... can you ..." The cadet tried to ask, his stumbling words unable to make his own request heard now as he nervously played with the hem of the t-shirt once again.

In one swift motion the soldier had lifted the offending piece of material up and out of the blonde's way, the cotton top not stopping its ascent of his body until it had passed his head and was discarded to the floor at their feet. Cloud's breath hitched notably as he was suddenly exposed to the well defined torso he had only seen from a distance or in his dreams, the perfectly formed chest rising and falling with each of Zack's breaths as it pressed gently against his still concealed one. Never before had the cadet been this close to touching that god like physique so intimately, the clothes they always wore around each other meaning that contact like this had never been possible before.

"May I?" Zack enquired faintly, a slight tug at the edges of the blondes own top drawing blue eyes down to where sword calloused hands now held the material in preparation of removing the garment of clothing. The light grip showing that while it was something that Zack very much wanted to do, he would not make a move unless Cloud said it was alright to do so.

"It's only fair." The cadet whispered, his voice unable to offer anything louder as he flushed a darker shade of pink.

The soldier however didn't give him a chance to get too embarrassed about what was about to happen, his heart and mind both agreeing that it was alright to be selfish in this moment and act before the blonde had a chance to change his mind.

A second later and Cloud's top joined Zack's on the tiled floor, the glow in violet eyes intensifying as they took in the glorious expanse of coral skin presented to them. Already there was slight shine to the delicate flesh before him, the light reflecting on the surface of newly developing muscles in a way that accentuated Cloud's beauty without taking away any of his masculinity with it. Zack marvelled as peachy-pink hues seemed to grow richer in colour the longer he looked, the rise and fall of the cadet's chest increasing as soft breaths became faster in response to the soldier's hands instinctively reaching up to touch that wondrous sight. And then, quite unexpectedly, they both released shaky moans mingled with a larger release of air from their bodies. The contact which now existed between them still being innocent, yet promising of so much more if they were both willing to let it happen.

"Doing ok so far?" Zack breathed heavily, his mind registering the shortness of breath he was feeling and knowing it had nothing to do with the steam which was quickly filling the space around them.

"Yes." Cloud gasped, his whole body shifting as his head remained bowed and staring at the soldier's chiselled abs unable to look away.

Zack chuckled then, a soft and heart-warming sound, as he allowed himself to take pleasure in the sight of the cadet's perfectly formed body just as the young blonde was doing to him. Neither spoke as they explored the others form slowly and leisurely with only their eyes, each drinking in every dip and curve of the exposed sloping planes as they memorised each and every detail which had been presented to them so far.

It was the soldier who moved first this time as he began to take the moment further. His hands once again rising up to touch and caress all that he had seen so that, just as Cloud had said earlier, the feeling would somehow be imprinted within him. Zack's lavender eyes burned with desire as they watched sun-kissed bronze trace over coral toned flesh, the cadet's chest now rising and falling notably against the touch of his finger tips as they moved in gentle patterns over baby soft skin. Slowly but surely the soldier worked his way from the centre of the blonde's chest to explore all that was offered to him, the loving caresses tracing along every dip and curve of lean muscle several times as they mapped out Cloud's supple body and committed every glorious detail to memory.

It was when the soldier's hands opened up so that his palms could spread out as far as possible that the cadet's heart began to skip in its beats, the way the sword calloused palms were rough yet tender as they travelled over his flushed and highly sensitive skin. The blonde couldn't help but moan and sigh softly as Zack's wandering touch found his perked nipples, the tiny buds hardening and becoming even more aware of the solder's caresses each time those strong digits would move over or around them. It was beyond anything Cloud could have imagined, the jolts of electricity which ran through his nerves and the tingling sensations which ran up his spin making it impossible to focus on anything else. It was therefore a bit of a surprise when those powerful hands ended their ministrations on his upper torso and disappeared, the absence of them drawing the blonde's attention immediately.

"You know you can touch too." Zack breathed heatedly, the gentleness of his voice almost a contradiction to the more primitive hungers which were now burning in his bright amethyst eyes.

"I ... I wasn't ... I mean ..." Cloud mumbled, the power of speech having abandoned him again as he stared into those pools of purple fire with his own needy and lust-filled blue orbs.

The soldier however seemed to know what he was thinking, or at least had a pretty good idea, those god like hands carefully grasping the cadet's smaller ones and without hesitation lifting them up to rest on his strongly developed chest. The blonde's breath caught in his throat as he felt the heat which now radiated from that sun-kissed skin, his own flushed induced peachy hues darkening and standing out even more in contrast to the wonderfully tanned wall of muscle. But what really made Cloud's next breath hitch was when Zack began to encourage his trembling fingers to caresses the smooth honey coloured flesh they had been placed against. A fine sheen of sweat having formed on the wonderfully tender skin, due to a combination of their rising passion and the steam, which now filled the air around them, and making the gloriously toned surface even slicker than it had been before,.

A few minutes later and the soldier was unable to hold back a soft moan of pleasure as the cadet's delicate hands became more confident and began to glide over tight and perfectly formed abs without any further encouragement. The young blonde's feather-light touch being mind-numbingly good on its own, yet somehow made more delightful as a result of the fine layer of moisture which had begun to form on their exposed flesh. Already Zack's barely concealed erection was feeling restricted and needy within the confines of his tight jeans, each one of Cloud's innocent exploring touches only making the highly aroused flesh twitch more demandingly as it suddenly pushed firmly against the rough cotton material of his underwear.

One look at the cadet was all it took for the soldier to know that he was not the only one to be feelings these things, that the desires which now coursed through his veins were also burning just as strongly through Cloud's, as he saw his own emotions being reflected perfectly within bright blue eyes. It was clear to see that both of them were becoming lost to sensations which were still new to them, neither wanting to rush these first experiences yet also feeling a deeper need pulling at their very core to take what had been felt so far and make it more. But Zack understood that to go any faster would be unacceptable, that it simply wasn't an option to hurry this moment in time just so that they could feel that release again. He wanted this first time together in the shower to be special and knew that the cadet did too, wanted the memory of every detail to be embedded into his mind so that like the blonde he would have something else more personal to remember and cherish while he was away.

Of the two of them it was the soldier's jeans which came off first, Cloud's combat trousers soon following them as he became more relaxed with his own nudity. Needlessly to say Zack had found the blushing cadet to be quite adorable when they had both finally been rid of every piece of clothing they wore, the various items lying scattered on the floor around them wherever they had fallen while being discarded. Neither had paid that much attention as the little pile of material had formed at their feet, each only having eyes for the other as they continued to explore what had been exposed with gentle caresses and tenderly placed touches to heated and highly sensitive skin.

Gentle kisses slowly became deeper and more needy as their passion rose to new heights, while wandering hands began to stroke, squeeze and knead the hot flesh and tense muscles of their bodies a little more demandingly as their feelings for each other intensified. Yet strangely neither moved to touch the more private areas below their waists, each still a little nervous about moving to places which were a lot more personal and intimate than what had already been explored. However, even with this small amount of uncertainty in them, it was clear to see that both were enjoying the attention they were now receiving from the other. The soft moans and heavy breaths each allowed to escape them being reassuring to the other as more confident explorations continued. It was with this in mind that Zack carefully led them towards the shower and gently drew Cloud beneath the cascading hot water with him, the cadet's lithe body shuddering lightly in pleasure at the sensation of being held in the soldier's strong arms as they continued the passionate kisses and caresses.

To make things easier hair was washed first and done slowly, with a great care and attention being given to the task, so that each of them could calm down and savour the delightful sensations of running shampoo covered fingers thought wet locks. The rich lather the solution created also helped Zack to give Cloud a head massage, the small sighs of pleasure which escape the cadet's parted lips letting Zack know that it was being enjoyed and helping the blonde to relax even more. Next came the shower gel and there was no denying how the sensations of that experience made both of them feel, the thick liquid quickly forming a wonderfully foamy layer of bubbles on their bodies and making the already wet skin even more slick to the touch.

Yet, even with this task giving them the freedom to do so, neither let their touch stray to the prominent erections which jutted from their bodies. Both restricting their touches to only spread that creamy body wash over slippery skin as they let their fingers glide over arms, shoulders, back, legs and even, in Zack's case, Cloud's pert bottom. Neither rushed as they took turns using their hands to feel what had never been felt before, both unwilling to hurry the intimate act along to where they knew it was going, the pair simply satisfied to learn as much as possible about what the other enjoyed, as the need for something more steadily grew stronger and stronger between them.

For Cloud it was an experience similar to climbing up through the Nibelheim Mountains, the nervous excitement and anticipation of reaching the top, or even over looking one of the edges, easily overriding the nervousness and uncertainty which also existed. And though the cadet was still feeling self-conscious about his nakedness, and the way that his body was responding to the soldier's touch, there was something almost drug induced about his behaviour as the sensation of more primal needs began to take over his actions. Shyness soon gave way to adrenaline and hormonally spurred confidence, the hesitation in his own explorations quickly fading as something almost euphoric smothered them in a blanket of pleasure. Before he knew it the blonde was acting on his desires alone, his heart and body crying out for more as every bit of contact between them stole his breath and filled the air around them with his own heated moans of pleasure.

Zack on the other hand was fighting his own battles and trying to keep things from spiralling out of control, his rising desire to once again hear Cloud gasping and crying out in pleasure from release only just being held back by the understanding that they still had to go slow. However, that little voice in the back of his head was fighting a losing battle as it tried to keep him in place. As it desperately tried to remind him that this was all still new to the cadet and that taking things too far, and too quickly, would possibly startle the blonde and end up spoiling the amazing experiences which they were currently sharing.

Unfortunately for both, it soon reached a point in their explorations of heated, and highly sensitive, flesh where innocent touches were no longer enough. Their need for something more intimate and fulfilling driving them to begin timidly caressing the more private areas, which until now had been shyly avoided. Strong hands moved first, as they trailed down over a slim waist and followed the delicious curve of a firm backside to cup the rounded cheeks tightly, the added soap and water of their shower making the already silky-soft skin even more slippery-smooth and wondrous to touch. In response the cadet's arms flew up to wrap themselves around the soldier's shoulders and pull their bodies even closer together, his narrow hips naturally flexing as a result of the new embrace they shared and thrusting forward just as Zack moved in closer to adjust his grip.

Neither moved for a moment as each tried to catch their breath again, the heated groans which had escaped both of their bodies at the combined touch still echoing in the steam filled air around them. Burning blue fiery orbs looked up into an inferno within violet spheres and saw a reflection of what was being felt. Their groins no longer separated by a small distance to allow for comfortable exploration, but now aligned perfectly so that their swollen flesh slide deliciously together and sent waves of pleasure coursing through both of their bodies.

In Cloud's mind there was nothing else but the soldier who stood in front of him, the sensations of Zack's every touch having become like white lightning against his highly sensitive skin and causing every nerve ending in his body to tingle with pleasure. He could barley breath through it all as the need began to consume him, as the feel of Zack's erection pushing against his own caused the muscle low down within him to coil and tighten at an alarming rate. The blonde gasped breathlessly as he allowed himself to drown in the sensations which were consuming him, as he let his lust-filled eyes close and focused on the delicious feeling of the soldier's hard length moving against him.

Nothing had ever felt like this before for Cloud, not even his own touch on his body when he washed. The way every stroke of Zack's hard length seemed to set every fibre of his being on fire and push him even closer to the edge. And just as suddenly the soldier's hands adjusted again to take up a tight yet gentle grip of his waist, the strong limbs easily holding him firmly in place as they began to move against one another. The lack of friction was almost as maddening for the cadet as the presence of it had been when they had done this before on the sofa, his own hips instinctively moving in time with Zack's so that a rhythm was quickly developed between them.

Heated breaths became more desperate as the tension grew, as the passionate moans and softly spoken words begging for release filled the air around them. Neither knew who was saying what as they quickly approached the peak of their passion, the lustfully groaned endearments of love mixing with the desperate calls of each other's names as they looked over the edge and into the pleasure filled abyss below. And suddenly they were falling together into that place of euphoria which stole their breath, their arms wrapped firmly around each other and holding on tightly, as their bodies shuddered and shook from the climax which now tore through them.

Of the two of them it was Zack who was able to hold on to reality more solidly, his legs locking in place so that as Cloud's body bucked against him and they rode out the shared orgasm as one he was able to keep them both on their feet. It was also because of this that he was able to feel the evidence of their pleasure escaping their bodies more clearly, the sensation of his swollen flesh pulsing against Cloud's body mixing with the heart-stopping experience of the cadet's doing the same against him. The heated skin between their bodies becoming coated in a white hot wash of their combined seed and warming him in a way which went deeper than just the joy of physical pleasure.

Zack closed his eyes and used the few seconds he had over Cloud's control to soak it all up, to use his mako enhancements to their fullest and imprint details into his mind which would otherwise have not been possible. He memorised the rise and fall of the cadet's chest as it moved against his own, counted the rapid heartbeats which echoed within the blonde and let himself be carried away by the shallow panting breaths against his heated flesh as Cloud struggled to get his trembling body back under control again. He savoured the aroma of their shared release and was pleased to find that the cadet's scent was just as unique as the blonde himself, his heightened sense of smell also absorbing the light fragrance of the shower gel they had used during this experience as it lingered in the steam filled air around them.

A moment later and a more steadier breath was taken by Cloud and the soldier felt the lithe body in his arms begin to shift, the smaller frame moving back out of the embrace of his larger one so that they would once again have a little bit of space between them. It was also at this point that the cadet seemed to become acutely aware of his nakedness and what had just happened between them, his already flushed features darkening even more as he quickly tried to clean himself off without drawing attention to his very self-conscious state.

"It's ok you know." Zack whispered tenderly, as he once again ran a calloused finger tip lightly down along Cloud's soft jaw line. "We both enjoyed what just happened and both have the evidence to prove it on our bodies." He reassured gently, his strong hand carefully moving along the blonde's cheek so that the palm cupped the side of Cloud's face lovingly. "I'm not embarrassed by how I feel for you, or being able to show you that, and I don't want you to be either." He stated with as much love in his voice as he could, his wrist having changed its angel as he spoke so that the cadet was forced to look up at him as he said the last part.

"I've just ... never done ... that ... before." Cloud mumbled shyly, the confidence he'd shown earlier during their passionate encounter clearly gone now as he tried to hold the soldier's gaze.

"I know, that's why I want to make sure that you know what it meant to me." Zack replied, his warm violet eyes now filled with a sated pleasure and a need for the cadet to understand. "I know that you asked for this, but if it was still too much then ..."

"No, it's..." The blonde cut in quickly, his voice faltering as he found that the words he needed just weren't there. "I did want this." Cloud began, the look he gave the soldier being one that silently begged for patience while he tried to explain himself. "I'm not used to doing ... this ... on my own, let alone with someone else." The cadet mumbled bashfully, the pink hue which suddenly darkened to red on his delicate features being the obvious result of embarrassment now and not just because of the hot water or their shared pleasure. "I'm glad we ... we shared that. I know it seems like I'm acting … uncomfortable now, but I promise it's just ... it's just …" Cloud sighed softly, as once again he was unable to justify his sudden shyness.

"It's just that now the moment has passed, and you're not all caught up in it, you're able to think a little more clearly and starting to feel exposed again." Zack guessed, the wide eyes and unquestioningly grateful look the cadet was currently giving him letting the soldier know that he'd hit the nail on the head.

"Yes, yes, it's ... that's exactly it." The blonde gasped. The expression which now adored his angelic face being one of relief but also uncertainty, as he hesitantly lent into Zack's touch, where it remained gently pressed against his cheek. "I know you won't hurt me, that I'm safe with you, but ... old habits die hard. If ... if you know what I mean?"

"I get it and it's all right." The soldier confirmed, his reply stopping long enough so that his lips could connect with Cloud's soft slightly bruised ones to share in another deep and passionate kiss. "And I know that next time we do this you'll be a bit more comfortable with it as well." He added, once they had parted and drawn in several shallow panting breaths to pull themselves together again.

"I will." Cloud confirmed, his exhausted but happily sated body leaning fully into Zack's gentle embrace.

A few minutes later and they had gathered themselves together again and finished rinsing off properly, the physical and mental release of their actions now leaving both tired and hungry but also pleasantly emotionally fulfilled as well. It was no surprise then that, after a light dinner, the cadet feel asleep in the soldier's arms as they watched a film together. The various strains of the day finally catching up with the young blonde and pulling him down into a deep sleep while he lay curled up against Zack's chest and wrapped not only in a soft comforter but also the protective embrace of the solder's arms.

That night Zack tucked Cloud into bed but didn't join the young blonde straight away, instead only staying long enough to make sure that the cadet was settled and sound asleep before returning to the living room where his mission pack still remained waiting and unopened. With a tired sigh the soldier began to read through the various reports and objective outlines, his emotions on a roller-coaster of a journey along the way as he tried unsuccessfully to focus the task at hand and not think about how things would be in the morning when he had to leave, or how Cloud would get on while he was away.


	63. Chapter 63: The week begins

**Hi**

**Well, I did my best to get the next chapter posted as quickly as possible. It's been a challenge, I can tell you that :o) **

**Anyway, I've proof read it and edited a couple of times where necessary, but if odd mistakes do show up then please forgive me. **

**Also, just to remind you, I've got a wedding to go to this weekend, and now an unexpected job interview on Monday, so if I don't reply to your wonderful reviews straight away please accept my apologies in advance and know that I'll get back to you as soon as possible.**

**Thanks and Enjoy.**

* * *

**The week begins**

The sun had not dared to show its head when Monday morning came, the sky outside easily reflecting the cadet and soldier's emotions as it remained overcast and held the promise of rain in sympathy for their sombre moods. Yet even though both knew what the other was going through neither gave a voice to their feelings, each forcing themselves to show small comforting smiles and only allow softly spoken words of reassurance to slip from their lips.

It had been Zack's idea that Cloud not see him off from the transport pad, explaining that it was hard enough to say their goodbyes here and that the added distraction of pre-flight preparations would only make things more awkward between them. The blonde had agreed with the reasoning and not argued the tenderly spoken request, had not had the strength of heart to say that it wouldn't matter as long as they got to spend even a few more minutes together.

But inside Cloud had known that the soldier was right, understood that as Angeal's second in command Zack would be busy with last minute checks and not have time to actually be with him. He also knew that there would be several other soldier's there as well, the small unit which was accompanying them indirectly creating an audience and ruining the chances of any last minute tender moments between them.

It had therefore been with a heavy heart that Cloud had watched Zack leave the apartment shortly after an early breakfast together, the lingering warmth and slight bruising pressure of their last kiss still present his lips even as he began to prepare himself for the day ahead. Relevant textbooks and completed assignments were numbly checked to make sure they were in his bag, the blonde's body moving mindlessly on autopilot as it washed and then dressed in a clean cadet uniform as was expected of him.

The walk to class was uncomfortable for Cloud as he made his way through the compound, the absence of Zack's bright and cheerful presence beside him causing his heart to ache in a way which he'd never thought possible before. Big fat raindrops began to fall just as he was approaching the lecture halls, his own sky blue eyes now mirroring the sadness of the day and threatening to let the tears which burned behind the water orbs to fall just as easily. But Cloud knew that he couldn't let that happen, not on the first day when the soldier had barely been gone an hour and especially not in front of the other cadet's.

It was therefore with a great effort that he reined in his spiralling emotions and tucked them safely away again, a stoic mask of indifference forming on his face as he approached the main doors and passed through them. He would not let his feelings be seen by the others, would not give them an opportunity to see him vulnerable, and allow them a chance to hurt him again. The past had taught him to be strong when it came to their mockery, the experiences of home and here combining to aid him when defending himself against their attacks.

With old defences set firmly in place once more Cloud took his seat within the classroom and patiently awaited the start of the lesson, a familiar and comforting presence within his mind instinctively taking over to protect him from both the physical and mental abuse that might arise due to Zack's absence. It was something that the blonde knew the soldier would not be pleased about, but this was how it would be. The distant which now existed between them meaning that he did indeed need to be stronger while he was alone. Cloud knew what to expect from the others, had lived through it so many times before, and understood that it was only a matter of time before something happened. After all, it wouldn't take long for the cadets to find out about Zack and Angeal's absence and come looking for retribution of his supposed crimes against them.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

As it turned out the first lesson passed well and without incident, the other cadet's clearly not yet aware of the change in Cloud's circumstances. By the end of that period though it was slowly becoming apparent that something was different, perhaps the blonde's own heightened state of awareness alerting them to something being off from the previous weeks. Before Cloud knew it the second session of the morning was over and it was time for lunch, his completed assignments having been handed in and the outlines for new ones giving him a good enough reason to quickly slip away from the crowds and towards the library where he could work on them. And though the blonde wasn't about to admit it, to himself or anyone else, there was also a sense of comfort in heading there. That familiar presence deep within him once again guiding his actions just like it had done months before and reminding him that the library was quite, safe and somewhere they would leave him alone.

The hour break passed quicker than Cloud had expected, the distraction of doing work helping to keep his mind preoccupied and not let it wander over topics which would leave him feeling vulnerable. It was therefore with one assignment finished and another already outlined that the blonde had made his way carefully back towards the cadet training halls, the potential outcome of his stamina and endurance class already weighing heavily on his mind. There was no doubt in Cloud's head that by now the others would know about Zack's absence, that through the various conversations in the cafeteria several of his fellow cadets would have become aware of the soldier's mission off base. But what they would do about it was still up for debate, the way he had stood up to them last time at least giving him something of a chance that they might leave him alone. Yet, deep down, the blonde knew it wouldn't be that easy. He had fought back and that was unacceptable, his actions causing them physical pain as well as embarrassment. They were not boys to forget the humiliation his behaviour had created, not the kind of people who would let such retaliation go unpunished.

Cloud bit back on the swirling sensation of fear which began to rise up within him, the memories of what had happened in the past when he hadn't backed down quickly filling his head. They had always made the next beating worse to remind him who was in charge, always hurt him to the point where blood had flowed over an array of bruises while bones had come so close to breaking they had caused a deep seated pain for days. It was not something the blonde had felt in a while and just thinking back to those times made his blood run a little colder, made his already nervous heart beat a little more frantically in his chest. If they had done that while he was just a grunt and considered something nasty stuck to their shoe then how would they react now? What would they do after what he had done to them?

Sheer strength of will and determination alone kept Cloud moving down the corridor which led to his next class, the door to the training room seeming to be the only thing which separated him from what was and what might be. Because really there was just no way to know what was going to happen, no way to tell who would do what to him, or if they would do anything at all. And suddenly Cloud was angry at himself, furious at his own insecurities coming back so quickly and easily as if everything he had been through was for nothing. He was not the weak person he had been before, not the broken down and trodden on cadet they had used to make themselves feel better or more superior in this place. He was going to be a soldier and that meant something, the time and effort Zack and Angeal and everyone else who now cared about him had put into his training meaning that he wasn't allowed to crumble like this.

Blue eyes widened in shock and amazement as the last thought flittered through the blonde's mind, his heart skipping a few beats in its new fast rhythm as the mentally spoken words really sunk in. People cared about him now, people like Zack who loved him unconditionally, people like Angeal who had come to know and accept who he was, people like Reno Kunsel and Cissnei who wanted to call him a friend, and that was something he'd never thought would be possible. After all, he was Cloud Strife the weird and disliked kid from Nibelheim, Cadet Strife the soldier wannabe, the blonde haired boy who'd had no one but his mother to love him all his life, the short scrawny kid who would never be anything more than a waste of precious resources wherever he went. But not anymore.

No, Cloud thought as the reality of his situation began to dawn on him, this Cloud Strife was stronger than the old one because this time he had friends, he had a boyfriend who loved him for who he was, but most of all he had people who actually cared about him and had faith in him to go far in life. He would not let this week become a disaster by fearing the worst and letting himself slip back into that old life again, would not let Zack and the others down by falling back into old habits so easily. He was Cadet Cloud Strife, on his way to being a soldier, and nobody was going to stop him this time. No one was going to push him around to make themselves feel better; no one was going to pull him down with words or actions to hurt his body and mind. He had stood up to them before when Zack wasn't around and he could do it again, only this time there would be someone there to talk to or at least be there for him afterwards, and just because the soldier was away did not mean that the blonde was alone.

It was with a strength of heart and mind that Cloud opened the door to the gym and passed through it, his soul warmed by the knowledge that even though the soldier wouldn't be there at the end of the day Reno would. That the cocky Turk was going to meet him after class and train with him just as Zack would do and that, should anything happen, the fiery red head would be there to help him if he needed it.

"I can do this." The blonde whispered to himself, as he set his bag down on the bench as far away from the others as possible. Some old habits ground so deeply into his routine, that it was now almost like an automatic reflex to place his belongings safely out of their reach. "I will do this." He reiterated firmly, the determination which had been his life line so many times before once again allowing him to grasp on tightly in preparation for the ride.

"All right you bunch of maggots, get your backside's over here now! Move it!"

Cloud couldn't help but let a small smile grace his lips as the sergeant's words boomed through the air around them, the man's deep commanding voice echoing off the bare walls so that the order he had given resonated with power and authority. It was clear from just the way he had spoken that he was a soldier, that he had earned booth his rank and title with years of hard work and dedication. It also let the blonde know that he did indeed need to get his butt in gear and into formation for the start of the lesson, the fact that he was actually in the room meaning nothing if he wasn't in place when his name was called. Five minutes later found the blonde on the floor, along with all the other cadet's, working through a series of push-ups as part of their warm up. The troubled thoughts of what ifs and maybes having been pushed to the side in favour of focusing on more important things, like his future in soldier with Zack.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Class finished at four exactly and on time for once, the session having gone extremely well in Cloud's mind as he spent a few more minutes stretching out after they had been dismissed. His tight muscles and aching limbs demanding a little bit more attention, due to the extra effort he'd put into his workout that afternoon.

Thankfully no one had bothered him directly, although there had been a few looks which had confirmed his suspicion about the other cadets now knowing that Zack wasn't around. It wasn't a surprise really though, as most things never remained a secret in this place. The gossip network always finding out something and sharing it so that what always started out as a spark of information, quickly became a wildfire which spread throughout the compound. The juice rumour of two 3rd class soldiers being possibly held back from becoming 2nds was a wonderful story, the fact that Commander Hewley had gone to right that wrong making it a wondrous tale to be told. It was the stuff that dreams and honour were built on here, as well as a great moral booster for the men who heard it, and the blonde knew that it would have been nothing short of a miracle for such a mission to remain discreet.

It was this thought that was rudely knocked from the cadet's mind as an all too familiar voice cut through his musings and shocked him back to reality.

"Yo, Blondie. How's it going?"

Cloud looked up in surprise and was silently relieved to see that most of the other cadets were gone, the young Turk's presence offering some protection from anyone who was getting any ideas about approaching him but also causing more problems in return. Already the blonde could see eyebrows going up and curious eyes narrowing on the faces of those who watched, his own delicate features becoming a blank mask as he quickly buried away every emotion he was now feeling.

"Mr Sinclair, Sir." He replied as was expected of him, his body instantly drawing up into a formal stance as he spoke.

"Wow, haven't heard my name said that way in a long time." Reno breathed, the turn of events catching him a little by surprise. "Call me Reno like everyone else, ok kid."

Cloud scowled, he couldn't help it, the word kid stabbing at something deep within him and making it bite back angrily.

"How can I help you, sir?" The cadet continued, once gain burying everything away nice and safely inside him.

"Turns out Zack got deployed before returning some reports I need. He said that they were at his place and to find you if I wanted them back." The red head replied with a huff, his slight put out expression making the cover story look more than believable for their small audience.

"Of course, sir." The blonde responded automatically, his blue eyes never wavering from Reno's questioning sea-green ones even as they observed the reactions of the people watching them.

Across the room his sergeant was monitoring the exchange with interest, the conversation they had once had about Cloud trying out for Turks quickly filling the blonde's mind and making him wish that he knew what the older man was now thinking. If he was lucky then the cadet knew he wouldn't be approached about this incident, the sergeant either taking it for what it appeared to be or possibly considering it a veiled way of Cloud being discreetly introduced to the Turk apprenticeship scheme. The eavesdropping cadets on the other hand were a different matter entirely, their questioning gazes not being as subtle as they could be and making the blonde's insides twist in both anger at them and the Turk in front of him. Didn't Reno know that this was the kind of attention he was trying to avoid, didn't the red head get it that by simply talking to him he had probably made things worse because now ...

Cloud stopped, both mentally and physically as the now parts rolled through his head. Now they would see that one of Zack's friends and colleges knew Cloud, now they would know that the soldier was not out of reach even if he was far away, now they would be aware that the blonde was not alone in this place anymore, and perhaps now they would be less likely to act against him in some way. The thoughts had come as quickly as heartbeats, the slight pause in his bag being packed thankfully appearing as if he were just making one last check before they left. And then his feet were carrying him towards the door and through it, Reno's presence at his back an unexpected comfort even though he still didn't really know the man that well. The wall the young Turk created between him and the eyes which followed their departure providing him with a security blanket which he unexpectedly clung to all the way home.

The walk back to the apartment had been silent, neither really sure what to say to the other now that Zack wasn't there to act as a bridge between them. In fact, it was almost unnerving how what had started to form between them could be weakened so quickly, that the soldier's absence in their company could create a void which words didn't seem to have the strength to fill. Thankfully it was Reno who snapped out of it first and spoke, his quiet contemplation of the situation having clearly been left outside once the door was shut and it was only the two of them safely hidden away inside.

"Man, that was tense." He huffed, his shoes having already been kicked off by the door as he made his way further into the apartment. "You ok?" He called back casually, his lean frame turning at the entrance to the kitchen and disappearing inside.

"I ... I'm fine." Cloud stammered back, his stoic mask completely falling to pieces as he hurried to take his boots off and catch up with the red head.

"That's good." A muffled voice replied, the faint echoing sound confusing the cadet even more as he quickly moved through the apartment.

"What are you doing?" Cloud gasped, as he rounded the corner and found the young Turk with the fridge door wide open and his head almost inside it.

"Getting your dinner ready." Reno answered calmly, his hands already extracting a few ingredients before the blonde could utter a protest. "I saw you skip out on lunch today, so there's no way I'm taking you training now." He stated firmly, his turquoise orbs not even bothering to look up from what he was doing to see Cloud's mildly horrified expression. "And it's not just because Zack would kick my butt for it either." He rationalised evenly, the pan he had removed from the cupboard now warming nicely on the cooker. "From what I know about you, and the way your mind works, I'm betting you hardly ate breakfast this morning either. I'm also guessing that you threw yourself into your afternoon session as a way of forgetting, so anything else I do with you now would just be pointless and tire you out more."

"You don't know that." The cadet defended himself firmly, the tightly drawn features on his angelic face in fact revealing more to Reno than he could have possibly imagined.

"I know that you're tired by the way you're standing." The red head began with a sigh, his attention still focused on making them both dinner as he continued to speak. "I can also see the sweat you worked up today on your clothes, the smell's a giveaway too in case you were going to argue that one."

"What?" Cloud choked, his shocked reaction either going unnoticed or more likely ignored as the young Turk carried on regardless.

"I also happened to be on an errand down by the library earlier, sometime after lunch, and noticed you leaving. Went inside and asked the desk clerk how long you'd been in there and she said about an hour. I figured that since you guys only get that long for lunch you'd skipped out on eating, maybe to get work done or just to avoid being in the cafeteria."

"I had work to do." The blonde stated firmly, the look which Reno finally gave him saying that the Turk clearly knew it was more than that.

"Then I guess that means you don't have any to do tonight then. Doesn't it?"

The words were not a question but more of a statement; the fact that the cadet couldn't argue them without giving weight to the red head's other theory only frustrating Cloud more.

"What does it matter anyway?" He huffed rudely. A small part of his mind desperately trying to remind him that this was what he'd agreed too, that what the red head was doing right now was what Zack and Angeal had hoped would happen, and that Reno had really only been looking out for him earlier when he'd supposedly seen him leave the library by coincidence.

"What matters is that you're ok." The young Turk replied calmly, his sea-green eyes coming away from the food he was cooking to hold the cadet's intense blue ones as he spoke. "I'm not going to baby you, we covered that already, but I am going to make sure you eat properly and not over do it."

"I wasn't hungry earlier." Cloud stated firmly, his head turning to look away as he spoke. "And I'm not really hungry now."

"Liar." Reno challenged evenly, his attention going back to the task at hand and not bothering to look at the blonde as he ignored the angered response he'd been expecting to appear from the cadet.

"What?" Cloud growled, his hands actually clenching into fists at his side.

"I said you're a liar." Reno repeated just as calmly as before, his words pausing as he added some spices and smelt the warm air rising from the pan to check if the fragrance was right. "A bad one too." He added offhandedly, as a microwaveable bowl was pulled out of the cupboard and a bag of quick cook noodles was emptied into it. "Gonna have to work on that if we want to get you into a bar anytime soon." He sighed casually, his fingers absently pressing the buttons needed to get the timer started before he went back to checking on the other pan. "Your looks are enough to make the bouncers ask questions, can't have you floundering when they ask for your age."

"I ... I …" Cloud spluttered, not really sure what to say now as Reno continued to only half take part in their argument.

"Oh don't get me wrong." The red head carried on, once it was clear that the cadet was at a loss for words. "I know you're good at hiding stuff and being all quiet about things, but out right lying … well frankly you suck at it."

"Not telling the truth is as good as lying." Cloud growled back, unsure now whether he was defending himself or only digging a deeper hole depending on where Reno's thoughts were now taking them

"It's close, I'll give you that." The young Turk agreed, the loud ping of the microwave finishing its job interrupting his words and making Cloud flinch involuntarily. "But it's still not the same as being able to look a man, or women, in the eye and say things that aren't true."

"I suppose you're good at it then." The blonde seethed, his frayed nerves from the day thinning even more as Reno continued to cook seemingly without a care in the world.

"Yea, I guess I'd have to say I am."

Cloud stopped the next words from leaving his mouth as something registered in his head, the tone of the red heads voice when he had spoken having held what sounded like regret in it and throwing the blonde's thoughts off balance.

"Why does that bother you?" The cadet asked carefully, his fist unclenching as he watched Reno begin to serve up the cooked food onto two palates.

"I don't like the lying, but it keeps me alive." The young Turk replied just as casually as before, the slight tension in his shoulders showing that he was far from comfortable talking about it now.

"Is your work really … like that?"

Reno had just been about to carry the plates through to the dining room when the blonde's question had been spoken, when Cloud's voice had come out soft and unsure as he asked about something which he clearly wasn't sure he should be asking about. It made the red head smile a little to know that at least the tension between them had eased a little because of it, that right now the cadet was open again and willing to listen rather than simply be defensive while they talked.

"Yea, part of it's for work." The Turk sighed, as he led the way towards the table and carefully set their food down. "But some of it's from growing up, you know." He added softly, his insides churning as he let the last part slip from his lips.

"You said you had … war stories?" Cloud offered hesitantly, all traces of his earlier irritation at the red head gone now and replaced with something else.

"I do." The young Turk agreed simply, giving neither a positive or negative response to what appeared to be a fact to him. "You want milk, water or juice with your meal?" He asked, not giving the blonde a chance to think about things too deeply.

"Juice, please." Cloud mumbled with a hint of confusion to his voice, his expression showing that he was a little lost now.

Shit, I forgot cutlery." Reno sighed, as he finished pouring the orange juice into two glasses. "Can't exactly eat with our hands now can we?" He joked, though his slight chuckle was a little strained.

"Reno." The cadet began uncertainly, as the red head hurried to grab the utensils they would need for eating, after placing their drinks on the table. "You don't have to … to do this." He tried to point out, something softer entering his voice as he noticed how the Turk was now refusing to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry I got angry just now, I just … it's been a … weird day."

"And me popping in like that at the end wasn't exactly the best thing, was it?"

"Maybe, maybe not." Cloud replied faintly, his shoulders giving a slight shrug as if it didn't bother him as much anymore. "I guess, at least now, they'll know I have someone watching over me."

"And that doesn't bug you?" The red head asked with some confusion, his turquoise orbs finally settling on calmer blue as they tried to see the catch in what the cadet was saying. "I mean, don't get me wrong, that's great and all. But I did kind of screw up there, coming in before the others had left."

"So you didn't mean to do it?"

"Hell no. I honestly thought you were alone in there with the sergeant, sort like you were waiting for the others to clear out before heading home yourself." Reno admitted with a faint chuckle, a spark of something lighter and happier filling his aqua-marine spheres as he spoke. "Sorry, if the recovery was a bit pathetic, but it's all I could think of at the time."

"It sounded believable." Cloud offered helpfully, his own lips lifting a little at the edges as they both finally began to truly relax in each others company.

"We'll I'll be more careful tomorrow, so that they don't think I'm a regular feature or something."

"Thanks, I'd appreciate that."

Neither said what was really going through their heads, the cadet's sapphire eyes silently thanking the Turk for doing it even though they had both just spoken otherwise. And Reno knew not to say out loud the words which would confirm what he understood the blonde to be saying, wouldn't give a voice to the reassurances that both knew his presence had brought. Instead both ate with comfortable periods of silence as they talked on and off about their day and how things had gone, the unspoken things still coming through loud and clear for each to hear even when nothing was being said.

XXXXXXXXXX

By the time dinner was finished they had settled into a place where talking was good but not completely necessary, Reno's plan to get Cloud more relaxed around him seeming to be working out well in his mind. Truthfully the evening hadn't gone as the red head would have liked. The absence of training due to the cadet's tiredness and lack of energy, meaning that they were technically off Zack's agreed schedule already. But in his heart the Turk knew that the rota they had drawn up together was a flexible one, understood that the soldier wouldn't be upset about them missing the sparring session in favour of getting the blonde to eat a decent meal and get some rest.

It was with these thoughts in mind that he let the blonde help him clear up and then dug out Zack's games console, his rooting around through the box of games causing a confused expression to form on Cloud angelic face.

"What are you doing?" The cadet asked, his ocean blue eyes a little wide as the Turk plugged the games machine in and turned it on.

"We, my little blonde friend, are going to have some fun."

"But we should be sparring, or I should be studying, not doing this." Cloud spluttered, his delicate features looking more like a confused little kitten than a cadet ready to train in that moment.

"I'm pretty sure I've already told you, and Zack, that it's important to have fun." Reno pointed out. His search for just the right game keeping him only partially focused on the blonde, who was still looking a little bit lost while watching him. "You've had a long day and need to chill out. Besides…" The red head paused, as he inserted the disc he'd been looking for into the machine and watched it start to load. "… you've just eaten so it wouldn't be a good idea to do anything to vigorous now anyway."

"That doesn't stop me from doing my homework." Cloud argued softly, the lack of strength to his words showing that he was slowly being swayed to Reno's point of view.

"True, but as you spent your lunch break working on it I think we can say you've done enough for the day."

The Turk knew that it was a weak excuse if the cadet really did have an assignment which was wasn't finished, a poor reason for them to both blow of their responsibilities for the night, but something within Reno made him push for this. There was something about Cloud's bright blue eyes as he found himself looking into them now, a strange sense of wonder and uncertainty being aimed at the control pad in the red head's hands and the TV screen which now showed the menu options for the game that had been loaded.

A flash of inspiration hit Reno as he considered the blonde's past and what could have caused that look of poor restrained nervous excitement to form on his face, the young cadet's single parent status when he was growing up and lack of friends as a child meaning that he'd probably never played with something like this before. He also remember that Cloud was from Nibelheim, a place where things were a little slower to get through and perhaps not always allowed depending on what the village elders considered to be acceptable or not. It therefore didn't take much for him to realise that the cadet's delicate features now showed the look of someone who'd never had a chance to play with a games machine before, the scared yet also hopeful look he was now giving the Turk making him even more sure of the blonde's lack of experience with such things.

"Hasn't Zack ever got this thing out since you've been staying here?" Reno asked, knowing that it was the less painful question of the two he'd been thinking of. The more personal one about Cloud's past home life and childhood experiences still being unspoken territory between them.

"No he … I've never … seen it … before." The blonde mumbled shyly, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks and suddenly making him look younger than he really was. "I … I guess, what with everything else that's happened, he never got a chance to show me."

"Well grab a seat and prepare to get a lesson in kicking computer butt." Reno announced cheerfully, his sea-green eyes sparkling with joy and a hint of mischief as he patted the floor beside him and beckoned the cadet to sit down. "I'm going to teach you everything I know about this game, and all of the others, so that when soldier boy gets back you can kick his arse at this too."

"I shouldn't." The cadet whispered uncertainly, the sparkle of child-like innocence and curiosity in his sapphire eyes contradicting his words. "Zack might not want me to play with it."

"Doubt it." Reno chuckled, already activating the two control pads and selecting his character. "Probably just hasn't had a chance to show you yet, that's all."

"But I …" The blonde began, his weak and clearly reluctant protests coming to a halt as the red head gave a look which said shut up and get down here now. "Ok." Cloud mumbled nervously, his body dropping into a kneeling position beside the Turk and accepting the control pad he was handed. "What … what do I … do?" He asked hesitantly, the softly spoke question confirming Reno's theory that the blonde was a games console virgin in every sense of the word.

"First you use the little stick here to move the coloured square over the characters." He explained, demonstrating the instruction as he said it. "Then when you've got one you like the look of you press this green button here to select it."

"Why would I need to choose one? I mean, aren't they all the same?"

Reno chuckled softly and gave the cadet a friendly amused look as fair cheeks warmed with that embarrassed pink hue again, the look actually being quite adorable on the kid's delicate features and something which made the Turk see why Zack had such a strong instinct to protect Cloud. It was clear to see that beneath the hard exterior there really was just a boy trying to survive with his horrid past and challenging present circumstances, a young man that hid who he was so that it could be safe, a cadet which had missed out on so much of the here and now by trying to find his future.

"Each character is different." Reno continued, his smile softening as he pushed his other thoughts away. "If you look at the top of the scene it tells you a bit about them and what they can do, a bit like a character reference." He added helpfully.

"A character reference?" Cloud asked with obvious confusion, his gaze flickering from the screen to the controller and then up to the red head briefly before retuning to the screen again as he spoke.

"Sure, just look at the one you've got selected now." Reno reassured, his hand coming up to point at the text at the top of the screen. "See that ones strong, but its size makes it slow."

"Oh." The cadet breathed softly, a glimmer of understanding starting to show on his angelic face. "And this one?" He murmured uncertainly, as he watched himself move the little control stick on the game pad to select a different character.

"Not a bad choice, although not my favourite." Reno noted happily, as he noticed how the blonde was already moving on to the next option.

"Which one does Zack choose?" Cloud asked, his tone aiming for casual but not quite managing it.

"See if you can guess." The Turk offered as a compromise, the challenge in his aqua eyes making the blonde chuckle lightly.

"Alright." The cadet agreed, his sapphire orbs focusing solely on the screen as he began to read through the different bios of each character. "Just give me a minute to read them all."

And so while Cloud was working his way through the options Reno lent back and watched with a smile on his face. The gentle upward curve of his lips not being to over-the-top for their current situation, but clearly showing his happiness at what they were doing and how they were now getting along. He honestly hadn't thought that this would be a way of breaking through the slight divide which had still existed between them. The simple activity, which had nerve seemed that amazing to him, being the very thing which had been needed to distract Cloud from everything else and help him to relax a bit more.

"I … I'd like to use this one." The cadet finally announced, his expression being a mixture of eagerness but still uncertainty as he turned to face the Turk again. "Is it … alright?"

"Hey, any of them are good." Reno chuckled happily as he showed the blonde how to select the character again. "They just have different skills which make them better for some things more than others."

"A bit like you and Zack." Cloud noted softly, his calmer and happier blue eyes remaining focused on the changing screen display in front of him as he spoke. "I mean, he's a soldier and you're a Turk. Right?"

"Yea." The red head replied slowly, his mind quickly going over what he'd said and trying to see what the blonde was getting at.

Cloud looked round at this point and realised that he was being looked at by slightly confused sea-green orbs, the questioning expression which had formed on Reno's face letting him know that he needed to explain himself a little bit better.

"Sorry, I just … you know … it makes sense, in my head anyway." Cloud mumbled bashfully, a faint smirk appearing on his lips even as he looked away nervously. "I mean, you can do things that Zack can't because you're a Turk." The cadet began to explain, his fingers gently gripping and re-gripping the plastic control pad in his hands as he spoke. "But there's things he can do which you can't, because he's a solider."

"Huh, us as computer game characters." Reno hummed, as the blonde's words began to make sense and a bigger smile formed on his face. "You know I can kinda see that." He chuckled happily, their eyes meeting for a moment and Cloud blushing slightly as they shared a brighter smile. "It would have to be one of those adventure type games though, cause Zack wouldn't star in anything unless he had a chance to be the hero."

"I know." The blonde whispered almost dreamily, the warm pink hue on his delicate features darkening a little more when the Turk chuckled faintly.

"Come on…" Reno said after deciding that what he had been about to say probably wasn't a good idea, the playful teasing having reached a comfortable point between them and not needing anymore right now. He was also a little unsure how far the cadet would accept being teased in this way, the playful banter which had thankfully formed between them being something he wasn't about to risk while it was still so new and fragile. "…we need to get started if I'm going to teach you anything about these games before I go tonight."

And so for the next two hours the red head demonstrated all his skills and knowledge regarding three of the games from Zack's collection, the helpful tips and techniques he pointed out sometimes helping the blonde and other times just confusing him more. But by the time nine o'clock rolled around it had been worked out that although Cloud was a quick study with anything academic and practical related to ShinRa, or picking up tells in poker, he truly sucked at computer games. His lack of knowledge and experience possible being the root of this and leading Reno to promise that they would have to play again soon, so he could get some more practice in before the soldier returned.

"Are we actually going to do any serious training?" Cloud had asked as he walked the young Turk towards the front door, the gentle amused tone which he spoke with making the semi-serious question sound almost playful and light-hearted.

"Yea, we'll train properly tomorrow." Reno agreed with a faint chuckle, his aqua orbs meeting with warmer blue and holding them as he continued speaking. "But only if you have a proper lunch."

"I'll try." The cadet began softly, his head turning away under the scrutiny of the friendly yet insistent gaze which was now aimed at him. "But I have an appointment at that time tomorrow, that I can't miss."

"Oh?" The red head replied, knowing that it had come out as shocked as he now felt. "Zack didn't ..."

"Zack didn't know." Cloud cut in, his sapphire eyes still unable to meet the Turk curious stare properly. "Or, at least, if he did know, then he didn't remember."

"Can I ask what it's for?"

Reno held his breath for a minute and silently prayed that the blonde wouldn't shut him out when they had come this far, that all of the time they had spent together was enough for Cloud to trust him.

"My prescription runs out in a … in a couple of days." The cadet mumbled, his face clearly showing that he was embarrassed about the situation. "I … they wanted me to … uuumm … see the doctor again … before … you know … giving me more."

A moment of silence settled around them and for once the Turk knew that it was alright, that although the few seconds which passed them quietly by were slightly uncomfortable they were also oddly acceptable given the circumstances. It was also a relief to know that Cloud had felt secure enough to tell him such a personal thing, a fact which didn't go unmissed by the red head as he smiled reassuringly and calmly offered up his support.

"You know…" He began, feeling the uncertain and questioning blue depths of Cloud's eyes settle on him again. "… I could go with you, or meet you there, if you want."

"You don't have to."

It was a polite reply, one that was almost expected of the blonde, but it was also unnecessary.

"Nah, it's cool." Reno puffed, his hand lazily waving the cadet's polite decline off as if it was a small wisp of air. "I'll meet you there with sandwiches." He chuckled happily, as a flicker of hesitation but also silent relief flickered across Cloud's delicate features. "Can't let you miss out on lunch again." He stated firmly, the look in his eyes quietly letting the cadet know that he also wasn't about to let him go to that appointment alone.

Cloud didn't even bother to try and argue again, the tension which had been forming in his body as they spoke suddenly melting away as he took in Reno's friendly and reassuring expression. In truth the cadet hadn't realised how nervous he'd been about going to the appointment by himself, his choice to not remind Zack or Angeal about it before they had left making perfect sense in the blonde's mind. He knew that the soldier already felt guilty about being away and had no doubt that the added piece of information would only make that feeling worse. It was for this reason that he had not mentioned it during any of their remaining time together, had kept the minor detail out of his new schedule while they had been working on it. After all, it wasn't like the appointment actually interfered with any of his classes or training, the small session with the doctor having been luckily organised to fit in with his lunch break by some odd twist of fate.

It was at this point however that Cloud realised something else, his heart skipping a beat as he took in the Turk's friendly smile and slightly concerned expression. At no point had he even considered his own feelings about the arranged date, his already spiralling emotions having quietly tucked that one away from him so that he could deal with it rationally when the time came. But now that time was here and he had to admit he had started to panic about it, the fear of saying or doing the wrong thing during the appointment causing his stomach to tighten up in a thousand knots and make him want to throw up. Except, as sea-green eyes held his own, the rising tide that wanted to suffocate him moved away and the cadet found he could breathe again.

"That … that would be … nice." Cloud whispered, almost as if he were afraid to speak any louder in case it made the red head change his mind.

"Good." Reno replied happily. The single word being simple in its agreement, yet seeming to say so much more than it actually did. "I'll meet you there at twelve." He added, the door already opening and his feet carrying him towards the corridor outside. "Now get yourself washed up and to bed. I'm gonna kick you butt from here to Wutai tomorrow evening and you'd better not be tired." He ordered playfully. The light-heartedly spoken warning still managing to come across as semi-serious, as concerned glowing aqua orbs connected with the cadet's calmer ocean blue ones.

"I'll try." The blonde agreed softly, neither of them needing to say what both knew would be true about tonight's sleep for the cadet. The soldier's absence meaning that Cloud would once again be alone, but that this time it was something the young Turk couldn't help him with.

"Just try to get some rest." Reno offered tenderly, the tone being sympathetic to the blonde's situation but thankfully not pitying him for it. The type of voice he used clearly showing that while he understood how the cadet was now feeling, he wasn't about to make a big deal out of it.

"Goodnight Reno." Cloud responded with a faint smile, the slightly brighter shimmer of blue in his sapphire eyes letting the red head know that things would be ok.

"Night, kid." The young Turk replied with a chuckle. The slight scowl he received from using the word 'kid', bringing their moods back round to where they had been earlier and away from the more sombre state they had slowly been slipping into again.

"Not a kid." The blonde growled defensively as expected, a small huff of annoyance only making Reno laugh a little more.

"Sure thing." He managed with a snort of amusement, his smile quirking up a little more as Cloud's own mouth betrayed him and showed a small upward curve of lips. "See ya." The Turk said before the cadet could actually speak again, his lean frame turning away from the blonde and offering a farewell wave over his shoulder as he began to move towards the elevators.

"Bye." Cloud breathed, more to himself than Reno, as he watched the other walk away. His head resting heavily on the hard wooden surface of the door, as he let his own body weight push it closed behind the retreating figure of the red head.

A short time later and both were freshly showered, dressed in their night clothes, and lying in their respective bed's on opposite sides of the compound.

For Reno it was a normal night, his thoughts drifting happily over the evening he had just spent with the cadet while he waited for sleep to come and claim him. It was fair to say that things had gone better than he'd expected, although the lack of training did bother him a little bit, and that Cloud's more relaxed behaviour around him was definitely a good sign of the cadet accepting him. The appointment with the doctor had been a bit of a surprise and the red head was more than just relieved that the blonde had told him about it, the fact Cloud had kept it from Zack making sense but being something the Turk knew the soldier would not be happy about when he found out. Still, the important thing was that the cadet had told him about it and accepted his company during that time so that he wouldn't be alone. It was with this thought, and new sense of closeness with the blonde that Reno drifted away from reality, his heart feeling a little more at ease with their growing friendship and his mind determined that he was not going to let Tseng, Angeal, Zack or even Cloud down during the week ahead.

Within the soldier's apartment however, a cadet lay wide awake and staring up at a plan and barely visible ceiling. His unenhanced eyes not really focused on anything as they looked through the darkness at nothing in particular. Sleep wasn't coming easily for the blonde, but that was to be expected, and though he had promised the red head he would get some rest Cloud knew that it would be almost impossible to sleep soundly that night. He had become too accustomed to having Zack's presence beside him now. The strong arms which always embraced him tightly, to keep him safe and warm, no longer there to hold him as he dreamt the night away. Instead he was once again alone in a cold and empty bed. The mattress being a hell of a lot more comfortable than his old one in the barracks, yet no less barren now because of the soldier's absence from it.

"I miss you." Cloud whispered to the silent night, his watery blue eyes closing to shut out the world as he rolled over and buried his face in Zack's pillow. The soldier's familiar scent trying to sooth his aching heart, as the cadet quietly cried himself to sleep.


	64. Chapter 64: Just another day

**Why is it that a busy schedule becomes chaotic at Christmas? It's like time keeps getting speed up or something when I'm not looking.**

**Anyway, here's the latest chapter. I know it's a bit shorter than normal but I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer than necessary. I also felt that where I ended it was a good/nice place to leave it. You'll see what I mean when you get there :o)**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Just another day**

To Cloud's surprise Tuesday morning passed without any incidents, his ever cautious mind still doubting the other cadet's intentions but his senses unable to pick up on anything threatening being aimed his way. Sure there were still the looks, the lingering gazes which showed he was not liked, but in spite of that nothing was done to him throughout the first or second lesson. No one whispered a cruel word to him during either of the classes or tried to trip him as the moved between rooms, his weariness of their behaviour strangely only increasing more the longer they avoided him.

It was hard for the blonde to explain why their distance was causing more tension than if they had actually approached him; the things he'd been expecting to happen somehow making him more worried because they had not been seen. He knew that some of his peers still wanted to hurt him, could see it in the angry eyes which would focus on him from time to time, but never would it go beyond that. And that in itself made Cloud nervous.

This wasn't to say that the blonde's morning hadn't been a hard one, the restless night's sleep meaning that he was currently tired and not functioning at his best. His mind was also worrying not only about Zack, what with the soldier being so far away, but also to his fast approaching appointment with the doctor. He knew that the session was important to show he was getting better, not only for himself and to those who cared about him, but also that it would be a chance to start coming off the medication.

Oh, Cloud knew that it was unlikely that they would stop his prescription straight away. That the man, or women, whom he spoke to would let that happen so quickly considering his past. But silently the blonde hoped that he would come across as being 'healed' enough that they would at least lower the dosage, that the stupid pills would be considered not as necessary to his mental health or physical welfare any more.

It was with this thought, and the same prayer he'd been speaking all morning, running through his head that Cloud made his way into the building where his session was booked for. His hand trembling notably as he pressed the lift button to reach the floor he needed.

"Calm down, you need to calm down." The blonde whispered to himself, as he nervously adjusting his bag strap on his shoulder. "It's just a chat, nothing else. Just a quick check, that's all." He murmured faintly, the words offering very little comfort even as they fell from his own soft lips.

The lift suddenly halted and a faint 'bing' sound let Cloud know they had reached his floor, the combination of his body being jerked slightly and the loud sound echoing within the quiet metal box making the cadet flinch and take in a startled breath. Scolding himself mentally for being so tense, and reacting badly to what was a normal thing, the blonde didn't notice that a certain red head had also witnessed part of it. The young Turk who'd promised to meet him there not actually having seeing the initial reaction, but enough of the after effects to know that Cloud was on edge.

"Hey Blondie, glad you could make it." He called out cheerfully, his sea-green eyes meeting with slightly wide blue spheres and trying to convey that everything was alright.

"Reno?" The cadet mumbled, as if surprised to actually see him there. The expression on his sweet angelic face being one of open and honest relief, that the red head had kept his word, just before his emotions were quickly brought back under control again.

"Yea, that's me." The young Turk chuckled lightly. "You look a little shocked to see me." He added almost straight away, not willing to play mind games with the blonde while they spent time together. After all, if Cloud was surprised to see him, he wanted to know why.

For a moment the cadet didn't speak and Reno found that his easy grin was not matching the slight tightness in his chest, the flicker of emotion he saw within the blonde's bright blue spheres quickly reminding him that Cloud had been let down before.

"You know I said I'd been here." The red head pointed out, not willing to let the silence between them grow. "Brought lunch as well."

Sapphire orbs disappeared and reappeared several times as the cadet blinked as if trying to clear something from his sight, a small hand tightening its grasp on a bag strap as pale pink lips trembled while attempting to give a response.

"I thought we could go somewhere quieter after this to eat, give you a chance to chill out before heading back to class." He began hesitantly, not wanting to let an awkward silence form between them. "Also I wasn't sure which you'd prefer so got a tomato and cheese one and a turkey salad." Reno explained calmly, a quick glance at the small white bag off to one side indicating where their planned lunch now sat waiting for them. "Either's good for me so pick whatever one you like." He carried on saying, the words rolling of his tongue as if there wasn't the slightest bit of unease between them. "I also grabbed juice for us to drink. Again there's a choice of apple or orange, so … you know …" He trailed off, unsure why the blonde was still standing by the closed lift doors several feet away from him. "Cloud, you ok?" The Turk had to ask, his head tilting to one side in a concerned manor as he waited for the cadet to react in some way.

"You really came?" The blonde breathed softly, the reality of the red head's presence finally getting through to his brain.

"Well, yea." Reno replied, letting his confusion show. "Said I would, didn't I?"

"Yes, but … you came." Cloud mumbled back weakly, his feet now slowly moving of their own accord and carrying him down the short stretch of corridor which separated them so that they could stand beside each other.

"Shit Kid." The red head tried to chuckle, the small show of amusement not quite sounding as believable as he would have liked. "I said I would be there for you, so here I am." He stated simply, his lean arms going wide to emphasis his presence before the cadet.

"Sorry, I …" Cloud stuttered uncertainly, his embarrassment and guilt for thinking otherwise showing through clearly now. "I wasn't sure because … because you … you could have been busy ... with other things." He tried to explain, the words sounding weak and feeble even to himself as they escaped his mouth.

"Ok, here's how it works." Reno stated firmly, the long thin fingers of one hand coming up to rest gently on the blonde's shoulder to offer physical comfort as he spoke. "When I say I'm going to do something I damn well do it. No ifs, buts or maybes. You got that."

Cloud could only nod in response to the faintly scolding tone and let his head drop forward a little more, an uncomfortable feeling of shame and sadness coming alive within his gut as he realised he'd hurt Reno's feelings by doubting him.

"Don't go all soft on me now Blondie." The young Turk teased lightly, the slightly more playful and warmer tone drawing watery blue eyes back up to him again with a questioning gaze held trapped within them.

Just then an office door opened and a young women's head popped out calling Cloud's name, her face looking at them briefly before it looked away down the other end of the corridor and then suddenly snapping back to them again.

"Oh, sorry." She breathed, her cheeks warming with a pink blush. "I didn't see you there at first." She explained, her rosy features darkening a little more as her hazel coloured eyes looked away from them both to show she was embarrassed. "It's my first day and it's all kind of … uummm … confusing." She offered nervously, the small interruption thankfully giving both cadet and Turk a chance to quickly pull themselves together again.

"No worries sweet cheeks." Reno chuckled back just as kindly, his hand on Cloud's shoulder giving it a brief reassuring squeeze at the same time. "He's here." The red head said, while nodding his head in the blonde's direction.

"Well, if you'll come this way. The doctor is ready for you now." The young girl mumbled shyly, his glowing expression changing to a different form of self-consciousness as her soft brown eyes continued to meet with Reno's friendly turquoise ones.

"I'll be here when you get out." The read head whispered softly so that only Cloud would hear, his friendly smile actually giving the cadet more comfort than he'd thought possible as he gave a tiny nod of acceptance and moved towards the office door.

A few seconds later and Reno watched silently as the door close behind Cloud's retreating figure and let out the breath he'd been holding, his insides twisting nervously in a way that they hadn't done in years.

"Good luck kid." He whispered seriously, the smile which had been on his face faltering now that the blonde was once again out of sight.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The session with the doctor hadn't lasted long, not compared to what Cloud had feared it would, and twenty minutes after he had entered the room he was leaving it again. To the blonde's surprise the doctor had been quite nice really, considering he was in a position of such power over people, and the older man had seemed more like a concerned grandparent than somehow who held the cadet's future in his hands. The questions which had been put to him had been asked honestly and in a way which didn't appear to be to intrusive, though they had been awkward and uncomfortable to answer at times, because of the emotions they ignited within him, and even now when it was over Cloud found himself worrying about the answer's he'd given.

Thankfully though the session seemed to have gone well and the doctor appeared to be pleased with his progress, the return to classes and progression in all areas of development showing that Cloud was indeed settling back into his old routine quite well. The man had also been pleased that the cadet's physical health had improved, the unexpected checks he'd done in that area catching the blonde by surprise when they were done. At no point had Cloud thought that his short talk with the psychiatrist would also involve being weighed and having his diet discussed, the doctor's brief reference to his 'poor appetite' while in their care last time easily answering the unspoken confusion which had passed through the blonde's mind.

But, even now, as he and the Turk walked away from the building, the cadet was still a little disorientated from some of the questions. His head beginning to ache from the multitude of various thoughts and feelings which the short talk had brought up within him, and still hoping that the response he'd given had sounded convincing. But, strangely, with Reno by his side, the worries which had plagued him all morning about screwing up were already slowly slipping away from him. The red head's silent, yet comforting presence beside him being something he hadn't even realised he was going to need that day.

"Do you want to talk about it?" A calm voiced asked, the carefully spoken words breaking the silence which had settled around them. The softly made invitation to discuss how the session had gone, being asked carefully and in such a way that would allow Cloud a chance to politely decline it, if he chose to do so, without causing any tension between them.

"I ... I'm not sure." The cadet replied uncertainly, his expression being open and honest as he tried to explain himself. "I … think I do, but …. but I don't know … where to start." He admitted reluctantly, the softly spoken reason giving Reno more hope in the developing friendship between them.

"It's ok, there's no pressure to … well to tell me anything. If you don't want to." He began casually, fully aware of the nervous blue eyes which were now watching him as they walked. "Zack told me that I shouldn't push you if you didn't want to talk about stuff, but to be honest I'm a nosy fucker so it's kinda hard to do that." The red head confessed with a light-hearted chuckle as those sapphire orbs widened slightly at his words. "Truth is I'd like to know what's going on, to know what happened in there, but I respect that it's up to you to tell me."

"So you didn't bug the room in advance to listen in anyway." Cloud mumbled hesitantly, his softly spoken joke and shy smile instantly melting away any lingering reservation there had been between them.

"Shit." Reno choked with a snort, a wide grin instantly appearing on his face. "Do you know how much grief I got for doing that?" He added while still chuckling at the memory, the warming sounds of his amusement drawing a brighter smile from the blonde.

"You shouldn't have done it in the first place." Cloud pointed out semi-seriously, the sparkle of humour in his cobalt eyes letting the young Turk know there was no real hostility in the words.

"Yea, maybe." Reno conceded slowly, his lips twisting into a bizarre smile just before he continued speaking. "Although it is part of my job you know. Comes with the territory. If you know what I mean?"

"What? To spy on crazy, and potentially suicidal, cadets?" The blonde tried to ask lightly, his delicate features attempting to hold the carefree expression he wore but failing to conceal the pained look completely.

"No, not for that." The red head replied evenly, his whole body suddenly coming to a stop and forcing Cloud's to do the same so that they now stood eye to eye when he carried on talking. "I did it because I had a friend in need and could help them." He began to explain, the reason he was giving making the guilty which the cadet had felt earlier raise its ugly head again.

"I hurt Zack so much back then." The blonde whispered sadly, his sky blue orbs appearing to cloud over as he spoke. "Thank you for helping him."

"Just don't do it again and I'll call us even." Reno offered gently, the tone he spoke with showing that he was also having a hard time keeping his response light and easy.

"Reno I …" Cloud began, his voice wavering as uncertainty rose up within him.

"You what?" The red head asked, not missing a beat. His ever observant sense having seen the moment of vulnerability in the cadet's defences and knowing that he needed to get through them to really see the young man inside.

"I won't ever hurt Zack on purpose, I can promise you that." Cloud breathed almost reverently, the vow that he was now making seeming to go out to all the deities of Gaia and not just the red head who stood in front of him. "But if … if something happens …"

"Nothing's going to happen to you, not while I'm around." Reno cut in quickly, his gut knotting again as his mind refused to acknowledge what was being implied by the cadet's words.

"But you can't always be around, can you?" The blonde asked, the question being spoken with such certainty that it punched a whole in the red head's own defences.

"Then, like Zack, I'm going to make damn sure that you can take care of yourself. Cause there's no way in hell I'm letting someone hurt you, or through you hurt soldier boy, again." He stated firmly, the strength of his declaration making Cloud's next breath catch slightly in his throat.

"Then you'll … we'll … train later?" The cadet managed to say, his voice getting stuck around a small emotional lump which had formed.

"As long as you eat lunch, then yea, we'll train." The red head reminded him with a reassuring smile, the need to make the situation between them lighter again working its way through both of them now.

"Ok." Cloud breathed softly, a ghost of a smile appearing to offer up what words could not.

For a few minutes neither of them spoke again as they resumed walking towards a quiet area within the compound, the small courtyard where Reno led them being secluded from the normal hustle and bustle of everyday life and keeping them out of the way of preying eyes. It was strangely a spot that Cloud knew quite well, a place where he would sometimes come by himself just to get away from it all and find some peace within the chaos of his life. A place where he could be alone with his thoughts and all of the pains which tormented him, before carefully tucking them away again deep within him never to seen by another. It was somewhere he had not been in a while and now realised how much he'd come to rely on it, the familiarity of the enclosed and sheltered space instantly giving his internal walls strength once again as the old comforting shadows around them beckoned to him.

"You ok?" Reno asked uncertainly, the distant and almost empty look in the cadet's eyes having sparked a sensation of worry within him.

"Huh?" The blonde mumbled unconsciously, his dark blue orbs continuing to focus on something which the red head knew he wouldn't be able to see.

"Cloud, you're kind a scaring me." He admitted softly, hoping that the quietly spoken truth would be enough to shock the blonde back to reality again. "That's actually a pretty hard thing to do, you know?" Reno added to emphasise his point, again keeping his tone light so as not to startle or upset the blonde beside him.

"I used to come here … a lot." Cloud replied faintly, his delicate features remaining void of emotion just like his voice as he spoke. "It was … safe here." He sighed almost sadly, the tiny hint of something like bitter humour also staining each word as they passed his pale pink lips. "I could … be alone to … think … alone to … I don't know … pull myself together again … when things got bad."

"Sorry, I didn't know." The young Turk managed uncomfortably, suddenly realising that perhaps he had not brought them to such a good place after all. "We can go somewhere else if you like."

"No it's … it's … ok." Cloud sighed softly, his delicate features finally allowing the feelings which flowed through him to be seen. "I … I don't want to … to do that again. Don't want to go back to that … again." He stumbled to explain as his voice began to crack and the first tear broke free from its stormy blue prison and ran down over a pale softly sculptured cheek. "I promised … I promised Zack I'd try. I'm not going to break that promise, but if … if you … if you don't want to … if you're not comfortable with this … then I understand."

"I'm not going anywhere." Reno stated firmly, his arm having already wrapped itself around the cadet's shoulders and drawing the smaller body in against him. "And I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me." He reassured the trembling blonde in his arms, the dampness which now formed on his shirt letting him know that more silent tears were falling.

"It's hard." Cloud whispered brokenly, his emotions affecting his ability to speak even as he tried to keep the words coming. "I try not to … to slip back, but … but it's hard." The cadet continued hesitantly. A part of him still having trouble letting the Turk in completely, even though the man was now holding him in a way that he'd only ever let Zack do, until now. "It's like … like I take two steps forward and … and …"

"And one step back." Reno finished for him, the blonde's words having faltered again as a clearly needed shaky breath was drawn in.

"Yes." Cloud seemed to gasp, his watery blue orbs quickly rising up to meet the Turk's concerned aqua coloured ones. The glassy shine over the sapphire gems seeming to glisten as they searched to see if the red head truly understood.

"I've been there and I've done that." Reno noted sadly, his Turk training about not showing emotions being pushed to the side as he let the crumbling cadet see what he needed to see. "And you're right about it being hard." He reassured the blonde without looking away, needing the boy in his arms to believe every word that he spoke. "But one day you won't feel like you're stepping backwards anymore, only forwards, and when you do you make sure that you walk tall with your head held high." Reno breathed deeply, his sea-green eyes burning with a damp heat as the ghosts of his own past began to surface within him. "I want you to know that with each step you take you should be proud of who you are and how far you have come." He all but ordered, his voice so determined for Cloud to do such a thing making it tremble notably as he spoke. "And most importantly of all, know that the people who deserve to stand beside you in life will never let you walk alone."

The heart-felt words bathed the cadet's heart and mind with light like the summers sun upon snow, melting away the negative emotions as if they were ice and letting the more positive ones bloom similar to the first flowers of spring. He felt the warmth which now radiated from the man beside him and took comfort in it, allowed his slightly shaking body to be drawn back into the protective embrace of Reno's athletic frame. And though it wasn't the strong muscular form of the man he really needed the blonde knew it was enough, a few more tears quietly making their way down his damp cheeks as soothing sounds were made against his ear and another door, much like Zack's, slowly began to take shape in his defences. A slowly forming gateway through his protective walls which, this time, Reno would hold the key to.


	65. Chapter 65: It makes you think

**Hi**

**Ok, so I know it's been a while and for that I can only apologise. For those of you who know I was looking for a new job, and now those of you who didn't, one came up on the 4th of January and since then I have been busy busy busy. The jounrey is a lot longer than I used to do and the new timetable and rotas have been fun trying to work out, although now they want to change them so thats a bundle of laughs for me. Not. They also want to rebuild the core structure we're working under and though I'm to be included it's ended up being a lot more work than I thought I was signing up for. I guess it's a good thing I'm at least enjoying being there, even if I am exhasuted by the end of the week.**

**Anyway, as you can imagine I haven't really had much time to work on any of my stories and what I have done keeps getting interupted so ends up sounding bad. On top of that I've had problems uploading this chapter to document manager and so have come up with the idea of copying and pasting it onto an old file and am hoping to add it that way. Fingers crossed it works and the problem can be sorted out soon.**

**Thanks to everyone for being so patient and hopefully I won't keep you waiting so long for the next chapter. Enjoy.**

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**It makes you think**

After witnessing Cloud's small breakdown, and being there to share the burden of it, it was fair to say that Reno had several justified reasons to be worried about the cadet's mental health that afternoon. His own mind having quickly become a whirlwind of unsettled thoughts, feelings and valid concerns about the blonde who was, right now, heading towards his stamina training session with the other cadet's as if it was just another day. Except, it wasn't just another day and in no way was Cloud ready to deal with the demands which were about to be placed upon him, no matter what he'd said before running off towards the gym.

The morning had already turned out to be one of the hardest for the cadet this week and both were very much aware it, through neither had verbally admitted to such a thing. Not only was Cloud feeling Zack's absence greatly now, something which the red head had managed to see in those very expressive blue eyes, but on top of that the doctor's appointment had raised a lot of issues for the young blonde which really needed to be worked through properly and not pushed aside like they had been.

Oh yes, Reno knew about the need for these classes, understood that Cloud missing them would cause more trouble than it was worth, and accepted that there was nothing he could do to stop the cadet from going where his schedule demanded. But it tore him up inside to know that the emotions which had been shown now had time to be buried again, the remaining tears which had yet to fall finding time to hide, and the words which might have been shared given an opportunity to become silent once more. It was not something he wanted to happen now that they had seemed to find a place where they could be honest with each other, a place where Cloud seemed to trust him enough to start letting him in.

Yet, for all his fears about what the cadet might do, he was also counting his blessings that the blonde had not held back while they spoke. That as they had eaten a slightly hurried lunch Cloud had openly talked to him about some of the things which he'd discussed with the doctor. This wasn't to say that it had been an easy conversation, the soft voice the blonde spoke with wavering at times or clamming up completely at others when he couldn't go on, and the emotions which it had stirred within the young Turks' own body making it a little uncomfortable for him to hear. But overall it had been good for both of them, had giving Reno a chance to understand what was now going through Cloud's head, as well as some relief in knowing that the cadet trusted him with this knowledge. A sense of the bond which was forming between them having become stronger, as he mentally recapped what had been said and realised that the blonde was not the only one to have let his guard down a little while they had spoken.

"Well I'll be dammed." Reno muttered, as he passed through the main lobby doors of the ShinRa building and onto the streets outside. "Kid's got me talking just as much as I've got him doing." He grumbled good-naturedly, his lips curling up into a small smile even as he shook his head in mild disapproval of what had happened. "You know Tseng would kick my ass if he knew that a pair of teary baby blues got me to fess up to that much when normal torture techniques couldn't break me." He admitted to no-one in particular with amused annoyance, the concept of Cloud's 'wounded Chocobo' look as a new form of interrogation tactic making him chuckle slightly as he walked.

For another twenty minutes his thoughts continued to circle around how much similarity there was in their backgrounds, the fact that both of them had suffered while growing up clearly being the foundation for why both of them now found it so hard to trust others. They had both been raised as only children to a single parent, though the prejudice of this had not been beaten into Reno as much as it had Cloud, and both knew what it was like to be betrayed by those who had used the word friend falsely. Unlike the blonde however Reno had not been cursed to live in a small village in the middle of nowhere, the slums being his playground as a child and then his training ground as a teenager, and for that the red head would always be grateful. The dark and seedy places below the plate had taught him how to survive, had provided him with a place to belong, even if it was in an abstract way, and had given him a chance to find his purpose there amongst the dirt.

It had been Tseng who had found him that fateful day, or should he say caught him, as he tried to pick the man's pocket. It had been a stupid attempt really. After all, the 'guy in the dark suit' was rumoured to be a Turk. But still Reno had tried. There had been something about the dark haired stranger which called to him, an unspoken challenge that urged him to take the man's wallet because somehow fate knew that he would win in the end. And win he did, after Tseng had kicked his arse of course.

Even now Reno couldn't help but smirk as he remembered the first time he'd met the head Turk, although at the time Tseng wasn't actually their commander and chief yet, and how their first meeting had ended. He was also pretty sure he still had the bruises from the non-verbal part of their conversation as well, although, bizarrely, they were ones he still cherished in a twisted way for what they had led to. Needless to say the strange man must have seen something positive in Reno as well and instead of beating the living shit out of him, like so many others might have, had decided to give him a chance to change everything. A new life out of the darkness and up in the light, a place above and beyond the sewers of his home, and most importantly of all an opportunity to take all that he was and turn it into something with meaning. It had also led him to Zack, the brother he'd never had but always wanted, and for that the red head would always be grateful to Tseng. The man not only giving him a new life but also a new family as well, a place to belong when there had never really been one before, and most importantly of all a reason to want to live when there had nearly been none at all.

"I'd probably be lying dead in a gutter somewhere by now if it wasn't for you." Reno sighed sadly, as his melancholy thoughts drifted towards those of what might have happened if he hadn't taken such a big risk that day. "And I'm pretty sure no one would miss me." He whispered, almost fearfully, as images of all his current friends and colleges drifted through his mind. The people who now meant so much to him in this life that he couldn't imagine one without them, their very presence being the foundation which kept him standing strong whenever the world tried to break him down again.

The sound of barking laughter suddenly filled the air and made the red head flinch, his absentminded footsteps faltering slightly as he was shocked back to his present location. A frantic look around by highly trained senses quickly revealed that there was no threat, sharp observing sea-green eyes instantly finding the source of the sound and dismissing it as just friendly background civilian interaction. But the shock had been enough to make Reno understand the danger of letting his thoughts wander, a deep steadying breath being taken as he forced his battle ready form to relax and cursed quietly as he fought to bring his currently emotional state back under control again. After all, it wouldn't do to have such a skilled and experienced Turk get his arse handed to him because his attention was lost to the past. A past, which he'd left behind long ago.

Two minutes later and the pharmacy which he'd been heading towards came into view and the red head fished around inside his jacket pocket for Cloud's prescription, something which he'd offered to pick up for the cadet while he was in class so that they would have more time for training later. It had actually been quite amusing to watch the blonde's delicate features change as he went through a series of emotions at the offer. The display of surprise, uncertainty and relief had been expected, but the look of guilt and shame in those bright sapphire orbs had not. The brilliant pools of blue showing that while it would be appreciated if the red head could collect the prescription for him, Cloud was still unsure about how things stood between them as well as being embarrassed about needing the despised medication. There had also been mumblings about not wanting to cause Reno any trouble, or making him go out of his way to get them, but the young Turk had been quick to silence those nervously spoken protests. After all, he wasn't going out of his, even though it was technically a slight detour to his schedule, and with some reluctance the blonde had agreed and politely thanked Reno for his help while handing the slip of paper over.

It was only now, as he stood patiently in line waiting to be served, that Reno, being the curious person that he was, found his attention being drawn to the scribbled writing on the paper in his hands.

The familiar name of the medication was not a surprise to him in the slightest, because he'd already been told what it was once before by the blonde himself, but the lowered dosage next to it made him smile happily as he considered what it meant. For the doctor to have halved the strength of the medication it must have meant that Cloud was doing well, that whatever had been said or done behind that closed door had reassured the trained professional that the cadet was getting better. Or at least, he seemed to be.

Reno, however, knew that it took years to really get over the kind of shit Cloud had been through. And even then there would be wounds which would never heal, not properly anyway. Sure the blonde would get tough and find a way to change his life, slowly allowing people into his world once he knew they could be trusted, and in turn find a place where he knew he belonged. Hell, Reno thought, as he absentmindedly handed over the small slip of paper, if I can do it then he sure as hell can too.

Reno smiled at the brown haired girl on the till and felt a friendly, if not flirty, smirk form on his lips as a coy smile greeted him. The sight making it easier to pry his thoughts away from what had been, to what was, as the prescription was processed and passed to the back to be filled in.

"Can I help you with anything else?" The clearly flirting assistant asked, her polite query obviously being one they were trained to ask yet this time being spoken with a slight tone which clearly offered more than the store actually did.

"Nah, I'm good. But thanks for the offer." Reno replied warmly, not wanting to hurt the girl's feelings but also not wanting to lead her on either.

"Are you sure?" She continued, the lack of any other customers behind the red head meaning that she now had more time to give him her full attention. "We have lots of three for two offers at the moment. "She began, the subtlety of her hint being barley legal and making the young Turks' smile turn into a pleased and clearly amused grin. "So, if there's anything you might be looking for…" She trailed off, her voice all sweetness and innocence while her eyes held nothing but sinful promise if he chose to take her up on the offer.

Coughing slightly to clear his throat, and compose himself again, Reno took a moment to meet the young woman's gaze with a look which hopefully showed how tempted he was by the offer but that he wasn't interested right now before he spoke.

"I'm good, but thanks for the offer. I'll consider it next time I'm in the area."

"Of course." The brunette replied just as cheerfully, her light-hearted words sounding as fresh and wholesome as homemade apple pie when the meaning clearly wasn't. "But just remember it's a limited time offer, so don't leave it to long."

And with that the girl had moved away to see to another customer who had only just walked through the shop's door, her instant acknowledgement of the new arrival making Reno realise that his attention had slipped again.

"Great." The red head sighed, as he ambled away from the counter and took a seat in the waiting area. "First I get distracted by a cute blonde and then by a cheeky brunette. Tseng's gonna kill me if he finds out."

Just then his phone rang and the red head couldn't help but roll his eyes when the caller's ID appeared on the display, a softly muttered 'bloody typical' slipping past his lips just before he answered it.

"Yo, Boss, what's up?"

A long sigh could be heard coming down the connection and Reno couldn't help but smile to himself knowing that he still had the ability to make Tseng react in such a way.

"It amazes me that you are still unable to answer your phone in a professional manor." The head Turk replied calmly, although a hint of something resigned and, if either of them was honest, slightly amused could also be heard as he spoke.

"You know you wouldn't have me any other way." The red head countered playfully, one side of his mouth curling up into an amused smirk as a soft chuckle could be heard responding to his words.

"No, I dare say I wouldn't." Tseng agreed warmly, a short pause giving both time to pull themselves back into official mode for when he spoke again. "You haven't reported in regarding your assigned 'visit'. Would you care to explain why?" The authorative voice which commanded all Turks asked firmly, the serious tone letting Reno know that he'd better have a damn good reason for being late even if his old mentor still had an unspoken soft spot for him.

"Yea, it's good. I swear." The red head sighed, instantly weighing up how much he could reveal without damaging Cloud's trust in him.

"I sense a hesitation in you, but not dishonesty." Tseng began calmly, his statement still managing to sound like a question even as it continued to make observations rather than ask for details. "You are not normally one to ignore your duties without a good reason, so I assume you have one."

"I was with Cloud earlier and I'm just picking something up for him before heading down there." The young Turk admitted casually, knowing that the cadet's appointment time and any surveillance footage of them together during that hour window would support his statement if Tseng wanted to check it out.

"You are his temporary mentor, not his parent Reno." Was the slightly annoyed response he got, something which caught the red head off guard considering he had been expecting a different reaction. "You are not supposed to be babying him like Fair does."

"Yea, I am his mentor." The young Turk stated evenly, his own need to defend both his actions and Cloud, for some reason, making him take a stand against his boss. "And I'd be a shit one too if I let the kid suffer through that alone."

There was a very notable pause in their conversation and Reno could practically hear the gears turning in Tseng head as he tried to work out what had been said, Reno's attitude, and the relevance it had to the blonde's situation. A moment later a controlled, but clearly cautious voice came down the line again and the red head was silently relieved to hear a hint of concern in his old mentor's voice.

"Has something happened Reno?"

"Yes and no." The young Turk replied, a deep breath giving him the air he would need to spill everything he could to the head Turk before the next one gave Tseng a chance to interrupt. "He had an appointment with one of the doc's today to evaluate his progress and refill his prescription, I was with him the entire time, well, not with him, but outside just in case he needed me, which he did and …"

"Enough Reno, I understand." Tseng cut in before more flurried words could be thrown at him. "We both know I could easily check on something like that, so it would be foolish of you to make it up as an excuse." He admitted with a sigh, another question already forming on his lips before the red head had a chance to continue. "But why was I not informed of this beforehand?"

Neither of them had to say what he was really thinking, that surely Angeal wouldn't have forgotten to mention something as important as this before he left. But really the answer was obvious and once again Tseng was speaking before Reno had a chance to.

"Strife didn't tell them, did he?"

"Nope, kid wanted it kept quiet so they'd have less to worry about." The red head agreed, nodding to himself as he confirmed the others troubled thoughts.

"And how did the session go?"

Reno wasn't to proud to admit that for the second time in their short conversation he'd been caught by surprise, the genuine concern Tseng was now showing for Cloud being something he'd only ever seen when the man was inquiring about the wellbeing of his fellow Turks.

"It's not that I want to keep stuff from you boss, but he kind of talked to me in confidence and I don't want to ruin that. If you know what I mean." Reno replied wearily, his calm features having crumbled to a worried expression as he spoke. "I think it helped and the doctor lowered the dosage on his prescription so I'm guessing they think things are going ok."

"Where is he now?" Tseng asked calmly, the concerned tone having evened out to one of casual inquiry now that it was clear the blonde wasn't about to have another breakdown. Although personally Reno couldn't be to sure of this after the spiralling emotions he'd seen in the cadet at lunchtime.

"He should be in class with the others, stamina training in the gym." Redon stated confidently, knowing that whatever problems and emotional turmoil might be going on in Cloud's head the blonde wasn't about to skip class because of it. "He ate lunch with me while we talked and then I offered to pick up his new prescription while he was busy so that we'd have more time to focus on his personal training later."

"That was very kind of you." The head Turk noted with a hint of something pleased about this fact in his voice, the little warning bells going off in the young Turks head as he heard the next part be spoken softly. "It seems you are becoming quite efficient in your role as a mentor."

"It's only been two days boss." Reno protested quickly, his heart skipping a beat as he suddenly began to see between the lines and started to work out what he'd been set up for. "And last night I didn't even let him work through his planned session, so I can't be that good at it yo."

"On the contrary." Tseng replied, too smugly as far as the red head was concerned. "Your brief report says he had not eaten properly that day and as a result you decided that it was more important to deal with his malnourishment rather than attempt to maintain his physical exercise regime. Am I correct?"

"Well … yea …" Reno stammered, already trying to find a way out of the trap he knew he was falling into.

"And didn't you use the time to work on his academic studies instead, something which was beneficial without actually taxing his body."

"Yea…" The young Turk responded slowly, hoping to god that Tseng couldn't hear the cringe he was now displaying visually on his face for all the world to see. After all, they hadn't exactly been studying at Zack's place last night. At least, not with the type of schooling that Tseng would have approved of.

"Then you are already showing great potential as a mentor Reno, one I would be proud to see taking on a student of his own." The head Turk continued, no longer seeing the point of hiding his intentions now that the red head had obviously caught on to what was going on.

"Look Boss, Tseng, I know you mean well but …"

"Please Reno, give what you have right now a chance." Tseng began, a softness once again entering his voice that the young Turk was sure he'd not heard in the older man's voice for a long time now. "I know that I often point out how you conduct could be improved and Gaia forgive me for making another suffer by having you as a role model…" He sighed, knowing that the faint sound he'd heard down the phone was Reno trying not to chuckle out loud at such a comment. "…but the truth is you're one of the best at this job and those skills should be passed on to others."

"You saying I'm a good role model?" Reno had to ask, knowing that the head Turk's eyes were probably rolling into his hair line at this point.

"I'm saying that what you have to offer could benefit our newest members greatly and save their lives. For all the … roughness and … crudeness of your character, there is strength and skill in you which I could only hope for in the future generations of Turks who join us."

"Should be boss, you put it there." Reno replied tightly, an unexpected series of emotions welling up within him at his old mentor's sudden show of feelings towards him.

"No Reno," Tseng corrected lightly, a sad yet also accepting tone filling his words. "The world you grew up in put the strength there, I merely provided you with a way to fine tune it into something more."

The words were meant to make a point to Reno, supposed to convince him that he was more than what Tseng had done for him. But hearing them so close to Cloud's little breakdown, and his own personal reflections of the past, it was enough to choke the red head into silence. A lump he was not used to feeling rising up within him and making it almost impossible to speak again.

"I'm taking your silence as your way of saying you'll think about it." Tseng offered almost knowingly, his own voice being tight and carefully controlled now as he spoke.

"Sure." Reno rasped, not trusting himself to say anymore.

"You were a fine student Reno and though I have often been exasperated by your actions over the years I would not change that time for anything. I will not force this decision on you, but, it would … please me … if you gave this week a chance."

"Sure." Reno managed again, his mind reeling as he found himself unable to think past all the things which were suddenly flying around his head.

"Thank you." Tseng replied, those two simple words once again knocking the red head flat on his arse. At least they would have done, if not for the fact he was already sitting down. "I'll expect you to notify me when you've completed your assigned duty." The head Turk continued, the air of leadership which Reno was used to hearing been quickly put back into place and making him feel a bit more secure in himself again. "Have fun with Strife tonight." That calm voice suggested before it disappeared with a click. Tseng having ended the call in a way that had only been reserved for Reno when he'd been a student and his day had been one of the shitest possible, as he'd been on his way out the door to spend the night getting drunk with Zack.

Groaning softly, Reno flipped his phone shut and slipped it back into his jacket pocket, his sea-green eyes closing briefly as he rubbed his hands across his face and tried to clear his head. That conversation had been more than he really needed right now, the things it had brought up only adding to his already fogged up thoughts and feelings. Clearly Cloud was not the only one who needed counselling right now and the red head couldn't help but smirk at his own dry humorous thoughts as he let out a heavy sigh and sat back in the chair, his hands falling wearily down on his lap as they dropped away from his face.

"Here, your prescriptions ready." A gentle voice spoke up, the sound as well as the hesitant hand resting on his shoulder causing the young Turk's eyes to snap open and him to instinctively tense. "I think you might want to take one now, or maybe see your doctor about raising the dose a little." The young girl from behind the counter suggested, with a friendly if not obviously concerned smile, her words making Reno realise that she'd looked at the medication and knew what it was.

"Nah, I'm good." The young Turk replied with a soft chuckle, realising that her offer was probably off the table now, based on how she was looking at him, and that if he looked like he needed some of Cloud's pills then he must look pretty bad.

"Are you sure?" She asked, her voice clearly nervous about suggesting it and her eyes watching him in a way that said she thought he might flip out at any point.

"Just tired." He mumbled, more to himself than for her benefit, as he rose from the chair and accepted the paper bag containing the blonde's prescription. "Just tired." He repeated reassuringly, his thoughts already drifting to other people and places as he stepped through the shop doorway and back onto the busy streets outside.


	66. Chapter 66: A lesson learnt

**I'm still here and still writing. Just haven't worked out how to control time yet :o)**

**Hope you enjoy.**

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**A lesson learnt**

For most of the cadets the afternoon had been a normal day filled with boring routines and repetitive training, each one quickly carrying out the duties assigned and doing whatever was expected of them to get the job done. Of all the boys though there was one who had not been himself as he'd performed as was expect of him, one lone figure who'd only been half aware of the things he was doing as they were made to run, lift weights and completed whatever task was demanded of them in class.

For Cloud it had been an afternoon of hell as he'd struggled to function properly alongside the other cadet's, his head an emotional mess as everything which had been given a chance to come to the surface refused to go away and leave him in peace. The doctor's words had echoed within his skull just as loudly as the Sergeants orders while they completed laps on the track, the memories of Reno's supporting words at least giving some sense of comfort when the rising tide of feelings threatened to swallow him whole.

The blonde knew that the appointment had been necessary for him to move forward, but as they had completed endless sets with the weights he'd begun to wish he'd never gone. The lowered dosage of medication was a good thing but it had cost him his control over his own emotions, something which had left him vulnerable in front of the others and made him appear weak once more in their eyes. It was evident by the way they had looked at him that some had noticed the change, that their stares were more cruel and calculating as they had watched him, and a cold sense of dread had begun to form in Cloud's gut now that he knew he was no longer simply being ignored.

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Eight O'clock that evening came round painfully for the blonde as he lay on his back with the world spinning around him, his only view for the moment being that of the ceiling as it blurred in and out of focus. Each ragged breath he drew in was another stabbing pain to his chest and the cadet was sure he had at least two cracked ribs on one side of his abused body. The taste of blood filled his mouth when his tongue snuck out to lick his parched lips, the shaky desperate breaths he was trying to draw in irritating his dry throat and emphasising his dehydrated state even more.

But Cloud ignored all of these things in favour of regaining his focus again, in pushing past the wobbly world as he struggled back to his feet. Muscles ached as they were made to function past their already strained state, bones and ligaments crying out in protest as they were forced into motion once more. The blonde grunted as he was forced to put weight on his bruised knee to stay upright, knowing it would need to be iced later if he wanted to be able to use it in class tomorrow, a throbbing sensation radiating down one arm reminding him that it wasn't the only place on his body that was going to need medical treatment later that night.

"You give up yet?" A cocky voice called out, the hint of amused pleasure making Cloud's blood boil even more in his veins.

"And why would I do that?" The cadet replied firmly, the determination to not surrender clear in his voice.

It would have sounded great too; if not for the slight slur where his newly split lip had started to swell.

For a few seconds the blonde looked at the man, who had just beaten the shit out of him, and tried to show that he was far from giving up. Yet even as he projected this image of endless strength his body decided that it had had enough and gave out on him, his legs having become like jelly so that he briefly stumbled on the spot before unceremoniously falling back down on the ground again.

Overly amused chuckling could be heard just beyond his peripheral vision and the blonde actually growled in defiance, the humiliation being something that hurt more than the physical pain he was currently feeling.

"Calm down Blondie." The overly confident voice spoke again, this time accompanied by the sound of feet casually making their way towards his sprawled out form. "You told me not to hold back you know." The other reminded him, an unspoken 'I told you so' also coming across in the words.

Cloud muttered something under his breath which the other couldn't hear, though he could probably make a good guess of what it was, and closed his eyes to shut the cocky Turk out. It was undeniable that he had told the red head to give it his all and not hold back, to really challenge him because he needed the release it would give, had wanted to spar just as forcefully as they had done before, but he hadn't expected Reno to actually wipe the floor with him this much.

What he'd wanted was a good, full out, body straining and sweat inducing session with hand to hand combat. Something to help him push past the fluctuating emotions which the doctors appointment had brought up and the afternoon classes had not allowed him to sort through, something that would allow him to really let go of it all and forget about the new fears he was feeling, something that would allow him to physically work the unwanted thoughts out of his system rather than having to think about them more.

Unfortunately, what the blonde hadn't counted on was just how far the young Turk would go.

Never in all his time training with Zack had the soldier actually made him bleed. Well, at least, not on purpose. And they had always stopped straight away if there was an injury so that the raven haired warrior could tend to his wounds and fuss, much to the cadet's frustration. Reno however was being as opposite to Zack's mentoring style as possible, his harsh lessons of 'real life' combat suiting Cloud and his needs just fine at first. That was until they had left him flat on his back and in pain.

A deep sigh filled the air just beside Cloud's head but still the blonde refused to open his eyes, partially because he wasn't ready to see the look on Reno's face but also because he was still trying to rein his anger in. He'd know that it would be a good battle between them based on their last sparing session together, had known it would be a challenge for his skills, but hadn't expected it to be quite like this. The incident involving the other cadets in the gym had made him overconfident almost to the point of being arrogant in his abilities, the swirling storm of emotions raging within his body fooling him into thinking he was indestructible as they were finally let free to be seen.

He cursed himself for thinking that just because he could beat a few grunts he'd be a match for a skilled and highly trained Turk, bit back the anger he was now feeling towards Reno for hurting him and turned it upon himself for being so stupid. The reality of his situation was not a pleasant one to acknowledge and the lesson he'd been taught had been literally beaten into him. Yet Cloud knew that in a twisted way he had needed to learn it. He might have been better than his peers, but he still had a long way to go before he was even equal to a soldier or a Turk. It also told him that Zack's encouraging mentoring technique was flawed, though it was supportive and beneficial, and that the soldier had been soft on him even when pushing him to his limits.

"What you thinking about?"

For a moment Cloud didn't answer and his lips remained sealed in a tight even line, though it was clear to Reno that the blonde was actually thinking about the question rather than simply ignoring him, the slight scrunching up of blonde eyebrows into a frown showing an obvious dislike for the thoughts which were currently being examined within the cadet's head. A moment later and a delicate, if not clearly bruised, jaw worked itself slightly and blood smeared lips parted to allow a soft irritated sigh to escape before words were released.

"I was just trying to work out if I should be thanking you or not." Cloud admitted, unable to stop himself from smiling crookedly as he spoke. A slight edge of something hard still evident in his tone, but the thunderous rage Reno had been dealing with as they had fought thankfully almost gone.

The red head couldn't help himself and laughed out loud in both relief and humour of the cadet's response, the mild joking reply meaning that they were still on speaking terms and the tone showing that the blonde's mood was on the way to improving somewhat. He was of course also thanking the stars that Cloud had finally got the message and given up, the sight of blood on his angelic features and the patches of mottled bruising along visible skin making Reno's stomach knot uncomfortably in regret for what he'd been pushed to do.

"You don't have to thank me." He pointed out still chuckling, his own weary form collapsing happily onto the mats as well. The tone he spoke with trying to keep things light between them. "You clearly needed to let off some steam and so I let you, but I'm not like Zack." He noted a little more seriously. "I won't let you vent on me freely. I don't take hits for no one and if you want to hurt me, or whoever you're imagining I am, then you have to work at it."

For a few seconds neither of them spoke, the sounds of their recovering breaths being the only thing to fill the air as each lay quietly with his own thoughts. For Reno is was focused more on making sure that everything between himself and the cadet was truly alright again, in hoping that because they were now laying side by side and still talking that all his efforts to befriend the blonde hadn't gone up in smoke. For Cloud it was more about focusing on his inner self, in absorbing what the red head had said and realising that he'd been a complete bastard towards his new friend as they had mock-fought. He inwardly cursed himself as he remembered taking out all his pent up aggression on Reno, on making every kick, punch and hit about hurting someone else to get past his own pain and troubles. Only now did he realise that Reno's past, or at least the bits he knew of it, meant that the red head was the last person he should be doing that too.

"I'm sorry." Cloud whispered, the guilt of his actions so evident in his words that the young Turk's head snapped round to look at him fully. "I had no right to take my anger out on you." He explained softly, his eyes remaining closed as he felt Reno's intense look being aimed at him.

"Out of the two of us I think you came off worse." The red head pointed out, his hand instinctively reaching up to touch the cadet's shoulder before he stopped himself. It wasn't that he didn't want to offer the blonde some form of physical comfort or reassurance, but more that he wasn't sure if Cloud was willing to accept any of it right now. Especially from him.

"I guess." The cadet agreed with a faint chuckle, the small show of amusement actually comforting Reno as much as it relieved him. "I think I also learnt a few more lessons." He noted thoughtfully, bright blue orbs finally appearing for the young Turk to see into as the blonde turned his head so that their eyes could meet.

"Really?" Reno asked casually, though his heart had picked up a little in its pace.

"Yeah." Cloud agreed, the word coming out more as an amused but tired sigh as he looked away and back up towards the ceiling again.

"Want to tell me what it was?"

Cloud smiled, sort of. His bruised and partially crimson coated lips curving upwards slightly and making the marbling of colours look even more painful then it probably was.

"Actually I learnt a couple of things." The cadet replied, the tone being confident in what he was saying and for some reason entertained by the knowledge.

"Like ..." Reno probed, because he needed to know what was now going through that head of blonde hair.

"First it's that I shouldn't take my friends for granted." Cloud stated simply, his sapphire spheres flicking towards the red head questioningly for a split second as he spoke. "That I shouldn't take my frustrations out on them."

Reno nodded happily in agreement to the first lesson, smiling at the cadet who had started to become much like a younger brother to him. He also didn't miss how those deep ocean coloured eyes glanced uncertainly at him again as the short silence began to stretch out between them.

"What else?" Reno asked, his soft look giving Cloud the silent reassurances he needed that they were indeed still friends.

"That I might be good at stuff, compared to the other cadet's, but that I still have a long way to go."

"It never pays to be overconfident." Reno agreed, satisfied that the blonde had learnt something else important about himself. "You need to be sure of yourself and your abilities, but never assume that the person you take on can't just as easily kick your arse."

"So, what should I do?"

It was a good question and thankfully Reno had a reasonably good answer. At least, he thought it was a good one.

"At the end of the day you need to be able to detach yourself from your emotions." He admitted with a sigh, the trait being something he knew Zack would not like him encouraging in Cloud. "You need to fight with you head, perhaps even more so than your heart, or you'll end up doing something foolish and getting hurt."

"Zack says that I should fight with my heart." Cloud offered hesitantly, the contradiction not being said in an argumentative way but more confused and in need of clarification.

"Soldier dreams are ..." The red head began, his words faltering slightly and causing intense blue to focus on him once more. "Zack, Angeal, Kunsel, hell all soldiers they ... well ... they have this soldier honour thing."

"Yea, he talks about it a lot." The cadet sighed, the sound being slightly sad as if it were something the blonde still considered to be truly out of his reach.

"Those guys will tell you all about pride and honour; they'll even go on about dreams until you want to bash your brains in. Believe me, I've been there." The young Turk huffed, glad that his mini speech had been interrupted by a quiet sound of amusement from beside him. "But you and I, well we've learnt to deal with stuff they can't even begin to imagine. Or have any hope of truly understanding."

This time when Reno risked a glance at Cloud he wasn't surprised to see the cadet looking away again, or that sapphire orbs had been hidden away. He knew that this talk was dragging up the very things Cloud had just been trying to get out of his head and understood that the emotions the cadet was currently experiencing were not for him to see right now.

"We can still have pride in our work, and honour, but our dreams might not be the same as theirs. You know that Zack wants to be a hero and that Angeal wants there to be peace. Those are things they live for, things their hearts beat for, and it's why they are always telling you about it. I'm not saying you won't have that in time, that once you become a soldier you can't have the same dreams as them, but for now you have to learn to fight with what you have."

"And what's that?" Cloud asked almost fearfully, the unmistakable tremble in his voice warning Reno to be as kind as possible with his honesty.

"You shut down when you fight." The red head began, his words pausing only momentarily as he drew a deep breath to steady himself before continuing. "You cut yourself off from anything and everything else around you and channel all your anger and rage into the battle. It's made you stronger, faster and sharper than most of your opponents so far, but you're acting on instinct alone and that's not always a good thing. What comes from inside of you is fuelled by something dark and slightly ... primal." Reno confessed, his breath now lodged in his throat as Cloud appeared to stiffen beside him. "If you don't learn to control it better then one day you're going to end up in a fight you won't win."

An uncomfortable silence settled around them and Reno forced himself not to speak again, waiting with baited breath for Cloud to either accept what had been said or get up and walk away from him. The seconds slowly passed until they became a minute, then two then three, until the blonde finally spoke. The tone being void of emotion as it asked a question the young Turk hadn't been expecting, one that had an answer which he'd already given to another, one which he'd already discussed with Zack.

"Are you worried I'll hurt him?"

"Shit." Reno swore softly, unable to keep his frustration completely silent as his mind raced to work out what would be the right thing to say.

Clearly however, that one simple word had been enough. Blue eyes appeared once more and this time their depths were filled with a storm that could be anything from mild weather to downright destructive, the darkening heavens swirling in a way that showed a tempest existed within the cadet and that it could easily be given life beyond the flesh covered walls of the blonde's body.

"I admit I was worried about it." The red head confessed, knowing for certain that Cloud would react badly if he lied. "But that was before I knew you properly, before I saw that you ... uuuummm … that you ..."

"It's ok, I get it." Cloud sighed unhappily, his supple body already moving stiffly off the mats they were lying on and rising to stand.

"Cloud." The young Turk called, quickly rising to his own feet and hurrying to catch up with the blonde who was now half way across the room from him. "Cloud man, give me a chance here." He pleaded as firmly as he could, while still keeping his voice gentle. "You want honesty between us but sometimes the truth hurts, ok?" I'm trying to give you what you asked for without hurting you more, do you understand?"

"I have bruise over half my body and I can still taste blood every time I swallow." The cadet growled, the swirling clouds within his eyes appearing to flash like lightening across the angered sky. "You didn't hold back then so don't do it now."

"Physical wounds can be healed, but the verbal ones can't. I ain't gonna let you walk out of here with both those kinda injuries."

"You know what, physical wounds can be healed." Cloud retorted angrily, although suddenly the red head had a feeling the restrained rage wasn't full aimed at him. "But both fucking scar in the end." The blonde snapped, his feet suddenly moving again and carrying him the last few feet to his bag where it lay against the wall.

"Damn it, Cloud." Reno all but shouted, his rising frustration at the situation making his normally controlled emotions break free. "I didn't know you then and Zack is like a brother to me. You expect me to have just accepted you that easily into his life, especially knowing what you did that day when he saved you."

The cadet froze as if someone had cast ice on him, his already tense posture becoming so rigid the young Turk was sure something within the blonde was about to snap.

"You ... you ... know about ... that?" Cloud somehow managed to ask, his voice breathless and filled with badly restrained rising panic.

"Yea, I know." Reno confirmed, his heart aching as pain-filled blue depths finally looked back round to meet his knowing sea-green eyes. "I also get why you did it, how you'd been pushed to your limit like that, but that doesn't mean I'm ok with it." He began to explain, that searching sapphire gaze holding his own so strongly now that it made him feel as if the blonde was searching his very soul as he spoke. "I've found out a lot about you in the last couple of days Cloud, things that I didn't know back then, and it's made me realise that you're stronger than a lot of people I know."

"I do what I have to, to survive." The cadet breathed sombrely, the anger having drained away but the tension still remaining within him.

"I know and believe me I respect that." The red head reassured soothingly, his own shoulders relaxing a little as the blonde's grip on his bag loosened so that the knuckles of his hands were no longer white. "But it's that survival instinct that's also starting to make you a little careless, the part which is starting to make you act before completely thinking about it." The young Turk started to say, his heart beating a faster rhythm within his chest as the words continued to spill uncontrolled from his lips. "I get why you've learnt to shut yourself off in this place, why you chose to bury all the emotional shit from what's been done to you deep down inside, and I can't fault you for that. Not when I've been there and done that myself. But I promise you that you can't learn to depend on it, can't let it be your safety net when you have to fight." Reno tried to explain, hoping, wishing and praying that what he said was really getting through to Cloud. "You can use those bottled up feelings to give you a push but they shouldn't control you, shouldn't take over so that you stop thinking and acting rationally. We've all seen what happened when you snapped in the gym that day, when you fought the other cadets using those darker parts of what's inside you and not your head."

A long pause gave the red head a chance to gather his thoughts again, a moment of silence to refocus his own words before they were let free once more.

"It's a dangerous thing to do Cloud, letting go like that. You might feel strong and act that little bit quicker, but it only works if the guy you're fighting isn't better than you. You can't lose focus when your life depends on it. Or, possibly, someone else's."

"So what are you saying?" Cloud asked softly, hesitantly, unsure if he really wanted to hear the answer or not.

"I'm saying that you're right about today's lesson, that you need to be careful who you pick a fight with, but not in the way you meant it just now. You're better than the other cadet's and some of the 3rd class soldiers here, in some areas at least, but that doesn't make you invincible." Reno stated simply, his own emotional rollercoaster of the day having reached its finally stop and leaving him bone weary. "You started off well and then somewhere along the line started to draw on those darker instincts, started to see me as someone to take your frustration and hurt out on for the feelings brought up within you today." The red head managed before sighing heavily, the blonde's closed off expression not quite able to hide the shame and guilt he was clearly feeling now. "It was also a mistake to think I'd let you score hits on me like Zack does, just so you'd feel better."

Blue eyes opened wide in shock at the blatantly spoken statement and a head of blonde haired wiped round to meet the red heads firm expression, the truth being a sting in Cloud's pride and bruising it just as the young Turk had warned it would do.

"Zack doesn't ... he wouldn't ... I mean ..." The cadet mumbled in a steadily weakening protest, the reality of the facts and Reno's open honest expression making it hard for Cloud to argue what had been said with any strength.

But in his mind the blonde also knew that what had been said was true, that Zack's time with him had been used for more than just training and meant that the soldier had probably been handling him with kid gloves from the start. There had never been a time when Cloud had been pushed too far in their sessions together, the lessons always going where they needed to for the blonde to learn and become quicker, stronger, and more skilled. The mock battles and friendly spars had always been uneven, Zack was a soldier after all, and both had silently understood that Zack always held back his true capabilities when they trained. But now the blonde understood that there had been more to it, that the soldier's care and attention had only partially been to help him achieve his dream of being a soldier, that he'd also been doing it to protect both Cloud's body and his already damaged self-confidence.

In truth Zack had been carefully protecting the cadet from the harshness of the world around him the whole time, had been teaching the blonde what he needed to know to survive while also working to make them friends so that Cloud would confide in him once they were more comfortable together. It was also the reason why the cadet had never really been truly hurt by the soldier, not in the way Reno had been doing in the last two hours.

"Zack let me gain the advantage at times to boost my confidence. Didn't he?"

"I guess."

"And he was careful when we fought so that I wouldn't be hurt more?"

"You'd have to ask him about that but yea, I'm pretty sure he did."

"But, back then, I never told him about what was going on. I never spoke about what I was ... dealing with."

"You didn't need to." Reno sighed, the sound coming out just as a heavy heart-felt sympathetic noise. "He just knew you were in need of help and wanted to do what he could, wanted to be there for you in any way that he could."

"I feel like a fool." Cloud whispered sadly, the softly spoken confession barely audible in the very silent room.

"Today's been rough on you, on both of us in a way, and I don't think this is helping." Reno huffed with a mixture of frustration and obvious tiredness of the conversation. After all, it was dragging things up from his own past as well. "Look let's just call it a night here and go get you fixed up." He offered as way of a peace treaty, the end of the discussion sounding like a very good idea to Cloud as it was spoken. "I know where we can get hold of some healing materia that'll fix you up no problem and then we can grab a bite to eat before you hit the sack."

"I thought that cadet's weren't allowed access to that sort of thing." Cloud pointed out, the question being more of a statement even as the uncertainty in asking came across in his voice.

"Normally yea." Reno agreed casually, the change in topic helping him to relax a little more as he slid his suit jacket back on over his shoulders. "Technically it's only reserved for spoiled higher-ups or soldiers when they get seriously hurt."

"Then I don't need it." The blonde stated firmly, that colder look of stubborn pride burning brightly in his eyes once more as they began to make their way out of the training room side by side. "If they didn't use it fully on me while I was recovering after ... after what I did, then these minor injuries don't need it."

Reno couldn't help it, he just had to laugh. The sound coming out in choked snorted sounds as he tried to keep walking beside the clearly pissed off cadet as they excited the main building.

"What's so funny?" The blonde demanded, that barely calmed anger already raising its ugly head again at the young Turk's unacceptable and extremely insulting behaviour.

"The cures not for your benefit Blondie, it's for mine." Reno stated with amusement, his admission making those fiery blue gems flicker in confusion and open a little wider in surprise. "If Zack, Angeal, or hell even Tseng sees you looking like that I'm a dead man." He explained with a smooth masculine chuckle, the sound filling the night air around then with a lighter touch to ease the remaining tension.

"You ... confuse me." Cloud managed evenly, the bewilderment he was feeling now very clear to see on his angelic if not painfully bruised features.

"I've learnt to do what I need to, to survive." Reno replied calmly, the words being almost a repetition of the blonde's from only a short time ago and making Cloud realise that he still had a lot to learn about the people that were slowly becoming a part of his life.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

A short time later and Cloud was back in the soldier's apartment, his stomach full from the quick dinner he and Reno had grabbed before the red head had left for the night. Now the blonde stood alone in the bathroom and striped out of his dirty sweaty uniform and threw it into the washing basket, not caring that only half of it went inside while the rest landed on the floor beside it. A closer inspection of his body in front of the mirror revealed the few bruises he'd chosen to keep as a reminder of the young Turk's lesson, the marbling of red and purple on his upper arm, left hip and right thigh being the only remaining evidence that he'd been taught something painful that day.

Cloud knew that Reno had felt a little bit of guilt over what he'd done, had seen it in the Turk's eyes as they inspected the damage and then healed it for him. But at no point had the red head apologised for his actions and Cloud had been grateful for that, his own softly spoke request to keep a few of the wounds being reluctantly accepted once the cadet had explained that he wanted ... no ... that he needed to feel that pain for a little longer so that he wouldn't forget so easily. Any visible injuries, such as his split lip and bruised jaw, had been treated. The slightly cracked ribs had also been non-debatable as Reno would not have him disadvantaged by it during his classes. The same also counted for his pulled shoulder and twisted knee.

In the end there wasn't much to show for what had been done to him that wouldn't have been gained from a very vigorous session in training, or perhaps another beating from the cadets who had tortured him in the past. But for Cloud the image of himself in this state was enough, the ache he felt as each piece of his damaged body throbbed in protest to movement as a reminder of what had been said. He had taken Reno for granted, just as he'd taken Zack for granted as well. He'd used his negative emotions to fuel his actions and become worse in his technique because of it. His attacks and blocks had indeed become more unfocused as his emotions turned to rage and frustration, so that in the end he was simply lashing out without full consideration for what he was doing.

In the end the red head was right; the moves would have worked with other grunts and inexperienced fighters but not with someone who was highly trained. It reminded him that hitting Sephiroth had been blind luck pure and simple, that had he really fought the man he would have been dead before even blinking or drawing breath.

"Got to get focused." He ordered himself sternly, the refection nodding back at him in silent agreement. "Got to start using what's in your head." He informed the cold reflection firmly, deep piercing blue eyes looking back into his soul as he spoke.

For a moment the blonde simply stared at the image in front of him, unable to truly recognise the person who stood before him. Blonde hair was visible on the man he looked at, the easily distinguishable gravity defying spikes being something very few others could achieve. Paler than normal, but still slightly healthier looking skin covered the lithe form that was presented. The various scrapes, cuts and bruises adding colour and texture to that supple body in ways that showed it had experienced much in its short life time. But what really stole Cloud's breath was his eyes, the cold sapphire orbs being somehow hollow yet filled with something at the same time as they started back at him.

A cold deeper than any Nibelheim winter began to form within the blonde's chest as he felt himself being pulled into those dark ocean coloured depths, his breath slowing to almost nothing as he began to suffocate in the arctic fires which burned there.

"What have you let yourself become?" He asked the man before him, the whispered words holding what could only be described as a fearful sound to them.

The other Cloud did not respond of course, the question disappearing into the air and fading away into nothing. But something within those cobalt spheres flickered and Cloud found himself startled out of his trance like state, the unnerving feeling of no longer knowing himself chilling the blonde to his very core.

After that Cloud showered quickly, the heat setting of the water being a lot higher than normal as the cadet tried to get rid of a cold that seemed to have gone bone deep. He didn't look at the mirror again as he dried himself and brushed his teeth at the sink, the uncomfortable sensation of once again feeling what had already been felt making something within his body tighten into painful knots. It wasn't that he was afraid of change; he'd know it would happen and was needed as he grew up. But ... now ... when he had finally stopped to think about it, he was scared to admit that he was having trouble recognising himself.

No longer was he just the beaten and trodden down boy that had grown up in a place where he was hated, the cadet who had to fight to simply get through the day. He understood that life had not been fair and it had made him resort to drastic measures. But somewhere along the way, as he'd toughened up and become stronger, he'd lost a part of himself as well. That day in the lockers had been a drastic moment of weakness, his final point of breaking beyond repair, and when he'd been saved and rebuilt the pieces had been put back in the wrong place. He wasn't who he'd been before and part of him was glad of that, but now he was something else ... someone else ... and that frightened him.

He'd been strong and determined to make it, willing to make sacrifices and take the beatings from his peers without complaint to get into soldier. The shadows had been his escape back then to find peace amongst the chaos, not because he needed them but because he wanted them in his life. What Cloud had finally seen for himself in that flickering blue flame within his eyes however, were the shadows that had often been his sanctuary. The dark unlit depths no longer just his place of comfort but somehow now truly a part of him in their bleakness.

Cloud shivered as he curled up alone in their bed, the cold sheets offering very little warmth and protection from his own racing thoughts and inner turmoil's. His life was different now; he had Zack and was finally loved for who he was, in a way. He also had people who looked out for him and cared for him, people who wanted to call him friend and support him in any way they could. Yet the cadet couldn't shake the feeling that he was now damaged in a way that could not be fixed, that because of his actions he was forever broken on the inside.

Images of a shattered glass came to Cloud's exhausted mind as he began to slip into a restless and fitful sleep, the pieces having been stuck back together in a way that looked forced and left holes in its previously smooth surface. He couldn't' help but see himself as that crystal like cup as it continued to allow the contents to slowly escape, the crimson coloured liquid being like the blood in his veins and containing the essence of who he was. The gradually lowering level allowing for a dark empty nothingness to replace what had been lost as it all began to spill away.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Far away, curled up on his temporary bed, a soldier found his dreams twisting into something unsettling. His dark raven coloured eyebrows scrunched up in displeasure as the things he saw began to disturb his peaceful sleep, the ache of another's pain and confusion somehow managing to touch his soul so that it also began to hurt. Violet eyes snapped open as Cloud's named escaped into the small single room and the occupant was startled to hear the word echo softly off the walls around him, the choked sound of it making Zack's breath hitch and his heart lurch in his chest as a bad feeling tore through him.

Without even thinking twice the soldier leapt from his bed and scrambled to find his phone, his fingers already dialling a number he knew by heart before he'd even registered what he was doing.

"Damn it Fair. Do you even know what time it is?" A rough voice growled down the phone, the familiar sound being only a small comfort to Zack's frayed nerves.

"Reno, thank Gaia." The soldier gasped, his emotions unsettled to the point where he knew that his eyes were probably glowing mako green in the dark.

"What's wrong?" The red head asked instantly, all evidence of recent slumber gone from his voice as he took in the soldier's distressed state which was audible even across the air waves.

"I ... I was sleeping and ... I mean is Spiky ... is Cloud ... ok?"

The young Turk was silent for a moment as he processed what Zack was saying, his already overly strained mind taking a little bit longer to work out what the soldier was really trying to ask.

"You had a bad dream about Cloud?" Reno questioned cautiously, his lack of teasing about it in fact making Zack feel more on edge than if the red head had simply laughed at him.

"Shit Reno, it was ... it was more than that."

"I can tell."

Again there was a few seconds where neither of them spoke, as the soldier tried to figure out what had caused him to panic like this and the Turk tried to work out how to explain everything that had happened so far. In the end the red head opted for the safest option ... the truth.

"You'd better sit down?" He advised, now sounding physically and emotionally drained.

"I'm sitting." The soldier replied uneasily, the unspoken questions already coming through loud and clear to the red head who rubbed his eyes wearily and began to talk.


	67. Chapter 67: Falling apart

**Hi everyone. **

**Yea, I know, I've been gone a while again. Sorry. **

**Annoyingly I had 99% of this chapter written last weekend but then work blew up in my face and it's taken me this long to finish it and do the necessary proof reading and editing before posting. Saying that there are probably still some mistakes but if I don't upload it now it's going to be another week of waiting for all of you which I just can't allow. On the plus side it's a really really long chapter so hopefully I'll be forgiven.**

**I hope you like it and please review to let me know if you're still enjoying this story. Thanks.**

* * *

**Falling apart**

For Angeal Wednesday had been more of a success than he'd hoped as it began to draw to an end, the small group of thirds having shown a lot of potential under Kunsel's command and thankfully not one of them screwing up by mishandling the equipment. In fact, everything had been going right for the group as they completed their tasks and now, as a result, they were not only on time for their intended arrival back to the base but actually ran the rather pleasing risk of returning early. As long as nothing interrupted their journey.

There was however one thing which had not been right that day, one thing that had bothered the commander greatly throughout it all, a small niggle which had begun that morning as an unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach and grown to a deep rooted sensation of unease. Glancing to his side Angeal stole a fleeting look at the cause of his discomfort and tried not to sigh, the distant look on Zack's face now even more lost and troubled than it had been at the start of the day.

One look was all it took to know that something was still worrying his pup deeply, that Zack's mind was currently lost to them and wandering freely over other concerns now that the day's activities were done. The fact that the soldier had wordlessly chosen to sit up front beside him on the return trip also said more than words ever could, Zack usually being the first to find a seat in the back with the other men enjoying their company over the long distance and helping to boost morale amongst the new troops during these types of assignments. His youthful and energetic views on life making even the most serious of officers lighten up and join in with the fun and laughter he created.

He'd tried to deny it at first, tried to put it down to just a little love-sickness creeping in and his pup missing Cloud after three days apart. Yet, somehow, deep down inside, Angeal had known that something more serious was wrong for his pup to be acting this way. Zack had been fine for the past few days, although he freely admitted that he missed the blonde's company, as a friend and nothing more, and Angeal had been proud of the soldier for not letting his emotions interfere with his work. They had all know that this first week apart would be hard for both Cloud and Zack, especially after everything else that had happened over the past month, but to Angeal's pleasure Zack had handled the temporary separation well. Or, at least, he had been.

The early morning light had revealed more than just the waking world as they had all gathered for breakfast and to discuss the day's plans, Zack's vibrant personality somehow dimmed of its radiance as they prepared for the day ahead. Even then the commander had known in his gut that something was definitely wrong when his pup's bright eyes had held a tired and slightly lifeless look within them, the soft violet orbs lacking in their usual energetic glow as he'd poked his food around the plate and only been half aware of the people around him.

Thankfully the other soldier's had not noticed Zack's faked enthusiasm for the assigned activities, the raven haired soldier's carefully controlled façade of being happy and content only obvious to a select few, mainly himself and Kunsel, and for that Angeal was grateful.

The problem now was he just couldn't work out what had happened back home to change things, what possible turn of events could have occurred last night to make the young soldier suddenly so quiet and withdrawn into himself when his participation in the task wasn't really needed. They had already had two good days and Zack had enjoyed that training time out in the open and away from the confines of the base, had thrown himself into each activity with cheerful enthusiasm that made every man feel happy and carefree as they performed the duties assigned to them.

The commander already knew from years of experience that his pup's bright and bubbly personality grew with the freedom and positive energy that these missions could bring, his friendly nature always helping to motivate the new soldiers, a beneficial side effect being that it also helped to build a bridge between them and the higher ranking officers. Something which had indeed helped with Kunsel's re-evaluation. But today his puppy had been withdrawn from it all and only helped when needed or called for, the behaviour not being one of reluctance but more distraction, as if his thoughts were preoccupied with something else entirely. And this bothered Angeal greatly as he thought back over all the things they had done, how Zack had not once become a pain in the backside because he'd got over-excited and carried away with things. How the young man had not been himself.

No, the commander mused with a great deal of concern. Today the soldier had been eerily quiet, the fact he was now sitting like a statue and lost to his own thoughts only increasing Angeal's worry even more. Zack was never able to sit still, not even when the warning of President Shinra setting the Turks on him or the threat of Sephiroth's sword chopping off his manhood was used against him. Always at those times the soldier would continue to shift restlessly, his feet tapping against the floor or chair leg until someone glared or his fingers constantly beating out a rhythm on the table or the back of his own hands. And now as the commander looked down in hope at those sun-kissed limbs he felt his insides clench, the breath catching in his throat as he noted the passively still fingers clasped firmly together on Zack's lap.

Finally something snapped inside Angeal and his reservations about talking to the soldier crumbled, his heart clenching tightly in his chest as he finally broke the oppressive cloud of tensions and silence around his pup and spoke.

"Zack, are you alright?" The commander asked, his voice remaining low enough so that no one else would hear him.

"I'm fine Angeal." The soldier replied absently, almost automatically, as he continued to stare vacantly out of the vehicle window.

Within the commander there was a voice which wanted to argue the words, a part of him that wanted to grab Zack's shoulders and shake him until whatever thoughts were bothering him were cleared from his head. But Angeal knew that he couldn't do that right now, understood that whatever was distracting his pup this much was indeed something to do with Cloud and was not a discussion they could have here. So instead of pushing the issue he returned his own gaze to the road ahead, the questions he wanted to ask already forming a list in his head as the sight of the Junon base appeared on the horizon.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Cloud looked around himself and sighed sadly, the weight of the very world seeming to burden his shoulders as he tried to focus on the task at hand. The day had not gone smoothly as he'd hoped, the morning classes dragging on forever to leave him feeling both bored and frustrated. Lunchtime had not been much better as he had tried to avoid the other cadet's, his need to complete an assignment, which was due soon, at least giving him an excuse to keep away from them. But then the afternoon training sessions had begun and the tedious hours crept by once more, the sounds of the others working through various techniques grating on the cadet's nerves like nails on a chalkboard as he forced himself to focus on his own performance and ignore the eyes which seemed to be burning a hole into his back.

By the time the instructor called it a day and dismissed them Cloud's head was a total mess, his hypersensitive state of awareness so wound up that he was practically twitching at every sound around him. No one had touched him through, at least not in a way they hadn't been instructed to, and the blonde knew that on some level they wouldn't hurt him here in front of such a large crowd. But deep down inside the cadet knew that his time was running out, could feel it in his bones that the others had begun to feel more confident in themselves again, and understood that it was his own weaknesses giving them the encouragement to do something.

Cursing softly Cloud quickly made his escape from the gym and hurried to get home, not waiting to see if Reno was around or not, and not trusting his current luck to hold out on him. It had been too long since they had tried to teach him a lesson, too long since he'd shown them up without any form of repercussion, and the instability of his mental state right now was making him appear an easy target. He just knew it. He'd opened up too much in the last few weeks, had allowed first Zack, then Angeal and now Reno to start being his safety net when he needed someone to turn to for help.

Now though it was clear that by reaching out to them he'd left himself vulnerable again, had allowed his carefully built walls to form holes and gaps where shared memories, thoughts and feelings had passed through and made his defences become weak. It was his own fault really, for letting himself soften like that. For opening up so much and allowing so many people to become a part of him and his life. Maybe if it had just been Zack and Angeal, or even just Zack, then he could have handled it. Maybe?

Cloud didn't want to regret letting his guard down to the soldier, in giving Zack his heart and trusting the other to keep it safe when he himself was falling apart. But with the soldier's absence came fresh pain and hurt, the fact he had broken so easily and let Reno in showing that his internal strength was not what it had been before. Gaia, how he whished he could go back in time, how he wanted to change the course of history so that these things had never happened. How, if only for a little while, he'd be safe inside himself again.

He needed his walls now to keep him protected, needed that dark part of him to give him strength. Oh, yes. He knew that there was something there deep within him, had told Zack about it and had them all point it out to him in their own unique way. But last night had been the first time he'd actually seen it for himself, seen what everyone else had seen and been afraid of, and by Gaia it scared him too. Yet, even through the fear he couldn't ignore what it had done for him, how it had made him strong in this place. This world was another form of hell for him and the 'primal' part of him that Reno had spoken about had kept him alive, he knew that now. It may not have been the smartest part of him, or the most human, but it had kept him alive. Hadn't it?

Memories of loneliness and dark whisperings filled Cloud's head as he hurried down the corridors, using only the back routes and staircases that were hidden from the normal route of traffic. Tonight he didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to speak to anyone, just needed to get away and hide where he knew he would be safe. He burst through the back door of the main building and out into the open air, throwing his school bag behind a dark overgrown bush so that it would not be found and ran for all he was worth. Tonight he would not train with the Turk, would not put himself in a position were the red head could teach him another lesson about himself or continue to befriend him.

Anger began to course through the blonde's veins like adrenaline as he travelled an old yet clearly well know route, the fuel it provided pushing him to run faster and faster as he followed a familiar path that would lead him towards the most furthest part of the compound's perimeter. He didn't want to be here now, not in this place, not with so much weight pressing down on him. The need to escape burned through to his very soul and made everything else begin to fall away. He couldn't breathe through the terror of everyone watching him, everyone waiting for their turn to hurt him, and the desire to escape was practically choking him as he sought some kind of freedom.

Hot tears burnt the cadet's storm filled blue eyes as he pushed himself to ignore all the good things his heart was fighting to tell him, each step becoming more painful as he put even more distance between himself and the buildings. Part of him didn't want to run, didn't even now why or where it was running to, and it cried out for him to stop and think. But Cloud couldn't do that because that brought a different kind of pain, one of failure and broken trust, one that knew his actions were born out of fear and weakness. He was too open right now, too vulnerable to think straight, to exposed to stand up against the things that hurt him. But most of all he was scared that he'd gone to far, that by running like this he might never be forgiven, and that Zack's love and trust in him was now forever damaged beyond repair.

With his heart smothering in torment and conflict the blonde remained unaware of the night approaching and the darkness moving in, his legs having carried him into a world were shadows lived and breathed with a life force of their own. He was mindless to rational thought as his own black voice whispered words like betrayal and coward in his mind, blotting out all other hope of light and understanding finding its way in. All Cloud knew in his panic induced crazed state was that he needed to get away and find a place to ground himself again, a place where he could rebuild his defences and become strong once more.

Everything Reno had said to him yesterday came swirling back up from the depths of his mind and from it all the blonde only drew out what hurt him the most, a self-destroying part of his subconscious only letting him see the bad and twisting the good so that it stung just as much. Soul-crushing memories of words they had shared spilled through his thoughts drowning out the last of his sanity, Reno's confession about Zack always being easy on him breaking him in a way that was indescribably. Demons within him whispered that the soldier had babied him, had mollycoddled him into thinking he was strong when really he wasn't, and had let him feel safe in this place when really he would never be all right. They almost gloated as they revealed to him that at least Reno had shown him the truth, that while he was able to fight he could still be beaten easily.

The bruises he had asked to keep seemed to flare up then, the deep seated ache they created being a physical reminder of the lesson he'd been taught. He wasn't better than the other cadets, just lucky, whatever the red head had said, and now they were after him again. No longer did the boys he'd hurt and embarrassed feel uncertain about taking their revenge, their eyes showing that no longer did they feel the need to hold back, because it wasn't actually Cloud they were afraid of but really his protectors.

Memories of facing an unrecognisable image of himself pushed to the forefront of Cloud's head and he gasped, nearly tripping over his own feet, as he remembered the reflection of eyes as dark as the oceans depths looking back at him. The cold fire within his sapphire orbs a sickening reminder of what was within him and what he had, and clearly still, needed to survive. Fear of that version of himself spurred him on in his bid to escape, to undo all that he had learnt and become since giving in and trying to take his own life. He didn't want to think about what his happiness had cost him, didn't want to consider how life might have been easier if he'd just continued the game as they wanted him to. He'd drawn attention to himself by spilling his own blood, had changed the rules but not had time to see them through to the end before the soldier had arrived to save him.

Pain and despair rode him relentlessly and the blonde couldn't help but whimper as his body finally gave out on him somewhere deep in the shadows. He fell forward and landed hard on the dried earth, the mud and dust lifting into the air as his supple frame hit the floor and slid along briefly before coming to a stop. But Cloud didn't stop there, couldn't stop there, his need to feel safe driving him forward, his limbs scrambling desperately to help him rise once more and keep moving. Yet, to the blonde's despair, his body would not allow it. Instead he fell back down onto trembling hands and knees, the weakening muscles only supporting him long enough for him to crawl amongst the dead undergrowth. His frail and exhausted form collapsing into a crumpled heap at the centre of the skeletal vegetation, his subconscious providing a small amount of comfort as it whispered that here he would be safe. Here, amongst the sharp thorns and brambles, no one would be able to reach him.

Curling into a ball Cloud began to cry letting all his pain and agony finally come to the surface, his fears and anguish finding release in bitter tears that streaked down his dirtied face and left clean trails on smudgy brown skin. All he wanted was to feel safe, to be surrounded by strong arms and feel the press of a warm body against his own as it held him tight. But he couldn't get that right now, couldn't go back to Zack's apartment, their apartment, and find that peace he needed. The only thing waiting for him there was more cold and loneliness, a constant reminder that the soldier was gone and that without him Cloud was nothing.

No one saw the blonde cadet curled up within the lifeless bushes that lined the perimeter fence, the patrolling guards hearing the faint sounds of heart-ache and mistaking them for the tormented cries of a wandering spirit, the mako enhanced men still weary of the strange ghost that was rumoured to haunt the area and letting their own fears keep them away. No one went near the shadowed path that led down into a darkness so black it made the bottomless of pits look friendly, their instincts being to stay away and remain in the light. And so Cloud lay wrapped within his own nightmares as the night moved in around him, his emotional walls shattered, his unstable world falling apart, the only thing to comfort him being the darkness within himself.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Back at the soldier's apartment a Turk waited anxiously for the cadet's return, his chest feeling tight as a strong sense of unease coursed through his veins. Cloud had not met him as arranged outside the soldier's living complex after classes, had not even been home based on the stillness of the room he now found himself standing in, and that knowledge made Reno feel on edge. It was already drawing close to curfew and the blonde was nowhere to be found, the red head having looked in all the places he could think of before returning here one last time to check prior to raising the alarm with Tseng.

"Shit kid. Where are you?" The red head groaned in both frustration and worry again, his hands clenching into tight fists within his hair and pulling it firmly at the roots. "Zack's gonna kill me if you're hurt." He informed the empty room, knowing that the one he really needed to point this out to was nowhere to be found.

Already his frantic mind was trying to work out where else the cadet could be, his memories of trailing the blonde on Zack's behalf giving him a deep feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

"I hope to Gaia you haven't jumped the fence." He growled to the air, his threat being spoken harshly to the silence which surrounded him.

But just as quickly as the anger had come it dissolved into frustration and worry, the questions as to why Cloud might have a reason to do such a thing making his own heart ache painfully as it began to reach some rather uncomfortable conclusions. It was clear to see that he'd screwed up badly in this assignment, that he'd upset Cloud with his shity attempts at being a mentor, and worst of all had failed the blonde at being a friend. It was obvious enough that even a blind man would have been able to see how his efforts to teach the cadet something had gone horribly wrong and that, instead of helping Cloud, he'd pushed the blonde into breaking more.

Just as he was about to dial Tseng's number his phone rang, the unexpected sound cutting sharply through the silence and startling the red head back to reality.

"Shit." Reno swore as he fumbled to flip the device open and answer the call, his hands shaking as he lifted it to his ear and acknowledged the caller. "Hey Cissnei, please tell me you've got good news." He all but pleaded, the other Turk having helped take up the search about half an hour ago when he'd initially begun to panic and called for trusted, discreet, reinforcements.

"I don't know if it's relevant but I just overheard some patrolling soldier's talking about that ghost issue again." Cissnei began, her voice tight and sounding a little out of breath as if she had been and was still running somewhere. "I'm heading down to the spot they talked about to check it out." There was a pause, a notable intake of air as she seemed to build herself for the next part. "Reno … it was by the South East perimeter."

Reno felt something inside of him become cold and hardened as he absorbed the information, the knowledge he had of that area making his skin crawl just thinking about it. It was almost ironic really, that a Turk, who often worked in some decidedly uninviting places, would find discomfort somewhere near to their own home. But even Reno, who wasn't afraid of much, hated that area of the base. It was a cold, dark and desolate part of the ShinRa compound. A place where nothing existed now except the cold barren remains of what had once been a garden, a place where death held on to the decaying memory of life like shit stuck to your shoe.

"I'm on my way." The red head replied coldly snapping the phone shut as he hurried for the door, his mind easily understanding now why the brunet Turk had been rushing as well.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Reno reached the area nearly twenty minutes after he'd ended the call, his own abilities having being pushed to the limit as he raced to join Cissnei in a place that both hated with a passion. Neither liked to come here when set the task of checking for security breaches, always finding a way to come with a partner or each other, though they couldn't explain why. With time they had come to accept that the emptiness of it was what troubled them most, the proof of failure and loss in the world all around them as they walked through the evidence of what had once been trees, bushes and flowering blooms.

ShinRa had let it all go once it became clear that such a place wasn't needed, that it was a frivolous expense that only benefited the army who couldn't possibly appreciate it anyway. Funding to maintain it had been cut, the plants left to wither and die, the area allowed to become overgrown and dangerous to any who ventured here. It made for the perfect additional defences for the perimeter, the sharp dried thorns and skeleton-like prickly bushes easily slicing through human flesh as if needing the blood that was spilt to rehydrate them and quench their thirst for life once more.

"Cissnei?" Reno called softly, not wanting to raise his voice too loudly within the man-made graveyard.

"Over here." An equally faint reply could be heard saying, the tone one of concern and barely heard nervousness.

It took the red head a minute to find the other Turk and when he did he felt his breath catch a little, the sight of the young women standing at the boarders of the overgrown and dead wilderness making his chest feel tight as he saw his own fears reflected in her eyes.

"I heard him." Cissnei whispered sadly, her hazel eyes blinking quickly to rid the chocolate coloured orbs of the gloss of tears that had formed there. "I … I think he's hurt." She added hesitantly, his voice breaking slightly as she turned to look back towards where the sound must have come from.

It was in that moment that Reno realised he wasn't the only one to have been affected by Cloud's plight, the women beside him knowing even less of the blonde's troubles than he did yet clearly able to feel the pain the cadet was going through.

"When this is over you'll tell me everything." Cissnei told him without looking back, her voice cool calm and unconditional as it quietly informed him what would happen.

"They're not my memories to talk about, not my nightmares to share."

"Bullshit!" The brunette snapped harshly, her light-brown eyes having darkened to the shade of dark clay as she spun round to face him. "I know what I heard and he's broken, broken in a way that a boy his age shouldn't be."

"Cissnei I …" The red head tried to argue, his own concerns about Cloud having quadrupled at her words and leaving him unable to think rationally in the face of her demands.

"Don't give me excuses." She stated firmly, the even tone she used making it clear how and why she was such an efficient Turk. "I've seen for myself that he's got problems but that … what I just heard … that's wrong, wrong in a way I can't even being to describe."

Reno sighed softly knowing it was pointless to argue with her, that even if Cissnei wasn't one of his closest friends he would have a hard time keeping things from her. It was also clear to see that he wasn't the only one being affected by Cloud's current state, that whatever had happened to the blonde was now affecting them both greatly, and he couldn't help but find some odd sense of dry humour in the fact that both of them had let their emotions get in the way of their strict training and rational thoughts.

"I'll tell you what I can." Reno promised, his voice remaining gentle as he offered what he could. "The rest is up to him, when he's ready for you to know."

"Then let's find him." Cissnei replied, her words being sharp and clipped as if she were holding all of her emotions firmly in place so that they wouldn't break free for all to see.

The red head didn't respond with words, only nodded once in agreement and then began to move forward, his mind already drawing upon the things he knew of Cissnei's past and understanding why she would also need to know exactly what the cadet had gone though. After all, he and Cloud weren't the only ones to have secrets in this place and demons that still haunted their dreams.

"I guess we're all a little fucked up." He breathed to the cold night air, his insides having abandoned their twisting gut-wrenching turmoil in favour of a heavy cold nothingness instead.

"Aren't we just." The women beside him agreed distantly, her blunt retort letting Reno know that although the words had been for himself they had not gone unheard by another.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Zack had been even quieter as they had served up dinner, the soldier having chosen to take his meal to his room rather than eat it in the company of others. He'd stayed for the de-briefing and to pass on words of praise and encouragement to both Kunsel and the other soldier under review before retiring for the night, his sombre mood as he left not being missed by his old mentor or his good friend.

"Leave him be." Angeal spoke quietly to the soldier beside him, who had started to follow Zack's departure, his own deep rooted instincts to follow his pup pulling at every fibre of his being.

"Sir?" Kunsel enquired cautiously, his tone revealing his uncertainty about where they actually stood on formalities in this particularly moment in time.

"I believe he needs some time alone." The commander explained soothingly, his chocolate brown eyes warming to show that they were now having a discussion as Zack's friends and extended family and not as officers.

"He's been off all day." Kunsel ventured carefully, unsure how Angeal would take the news.

"I know." The other replied simply.

For a few minutes both men remained seated and poked at their own food in discomfort, neither sure how to continue the conversation yet both needing to say something. Eventually it was the soldier who made the first move, the one who was brave enough to voice the concerns which each of them was silently harbouring.

"Has something happened to Cloud?"

"I'm not sure, but … it would make sense considering." Angeal replied, the justifications for this belief not needing a voice to be heard.

"Not wishing to seen rude sir …" Kunsel began, knowing that it was best to use a little sign of rank and respect now, especially with what he was about to say. "…but wouldn't it be a good idea to check in with Tseng. Just in case."

"Indeed it would."

And with that Angeal excused himself from the group as a whole, not giving a reason for his departure or acknowledging the soldier he'd been speaking to in any special way. Instead he simply made his way from the room and headed towards his own sleeping quarters, his phone already in hand and dialling as he closed the door behind him and shut the rest of the world out.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

It had taken longer than it should have to find Cloud, their heightened sense barley picking up the cadet's presence amongst the undergrowth as they had passed him by. Neither Turk had noticed the dirty blonde hair which should have stood out like a beacon in the night, nor the pale muddy skin which was laid out before them and only partially hidden within the tangled bushes where Cloud had concealed himself. What had drawn their attention was the soft whimper that was carried with the wind, the sound travelling like a stray leaf drifting on a gentle breeze and easily guiding them towards his fallen form.

A crumbled blue uniform had been the first sign of his location, the splash of colour in an otherwise dismal expanse acting like a bulls-eye on a target as it called to them. Then they had seen what had been missed before, hints of moonlit gold and pearl amongst the dirt bringing relief but also further concern as they searched for a way to reach him. In the end Reno gave up trying to find a way to approach the fallen cadet and instead calmly called out to him, the seemingly unmoving figure, and now distinct metallic smell of blood upon it, making him unwilling to wait any longer in silence.

"Cloud, hey Cloud, its Reno. You ok kid?"

Beside him Cissnei held her breath and felt her heart pound out the seconds as they waited for an answer, each strong beat of the muscle brushing something inside her that ached to reach out and grab the blonde, to pull him close, and hold him within a tight comforting embrace.

"Cloud, its me … Cissnei." She added after nearly a minute of silence. "I … I'm worried about you. I …"

But here her words fell flat as she became unsure what to say, as the weight of such responsibilities suddenly settled on her shoulders and she realised that she didn't have a clue how to start comforting the cadet curled up in front of her just out of reach.

"Cissnei?" A soft, almost unheard, voice questioned. The sounding barley audible yet releasing a wave of relief to flood through both the red head and brunette.

"Yes Cloud. It's me, Cissnei." She replied quickly, gently, desperately trying to keep her voice from cracking and letting the emotions she felt be heard to strongly. "Are you alright?"

"I … I don't … know." The cadet mumbled uncertainly, his body finally shifting amongst the dead foliage and showing signs of life to support the nearly unheard words.

"Can you move?" She asked nervously, her need to reach him quickly becoming a stifling suffocating thing that was choking her.

"Don't know." Cloud breathed faintly, distantly, and far to detached from reality for either of their likings.

"Cloud, its Reno." The red head cut in before Cissnei could speak again. "I can't see an easy way to you from this side, but it if you hold still I'll find one somewhere else. Ok?" He explained calmly and soothingly, knowing that it was best to give the cadet fair warning about his intentions before actually approaching.

"No way in." The blonde sighed absently, almost as if it were a fact they should have been aware of. "Not safe if people can get to me." He explained, the reasoning coming out so cold and mechanically that its tone chilled their souls almost as much as the words did.

"Cloud, honey, did someone hurt you?" Cissnei found herself asking without thought, her voice aiming for soft and her choice of wording hoping to come across as gentle and caring.

The blonde however only chuckled dryly in response and curled up upon himself even more, a very tired and bone-weary breath leaving his body before he spoke again.

"Honey is sweet. I'm not sweet, so I'm not honey."

"Cloud …" Reno began, his gut becoming knotted as the cadet released a bitter-amused sound that quickly fell to a whimper as he started to speak again.

"Lemon or lime, that's what I am. Lemon or lime."

"Why Cloud? Why are you a lemon or lime?" The red head asked, the voice in his head screaming that it was a bad idea to question the confused blonde like this. The logical part of his mind still trying to find a way through the perfectly formed defences which now surrounding Cloud and kept him safe.

"Sharp. Bitter. Not liked. Not wanted." The blonde reasoned sadly.

"I like lemons." Cissnei interrupted, unable to take the cadet's calm acceptance of such a thing so easily.

"You do?"

Gaia, how that hurt. The both of them glancing at each other in pained uncertainty before answering him.

"Sure we do." Reno agreed, a flash of inspiration making his next breath catch slightly. "Can't have lemonade without lemons."

For a moment no one spoke and the blonde remained eerily quiet, his earlier movements having stilled to nothing as he seemed to draw within himself and analyse what had been said. Finally a head of tangled dirty blonde hair moved back and allowed the smudged and tear stained face which had been hidden to be seen, the pain confusion and hurt in those glorious pools of liquid sapphire making it hard for either Turk to think straight past their own rising heart-ache.

"You need sugar for lemonade." Cloud informed them clumsily, the ocean blue depths swimming in and out of focus as if he were drowning in his own thoughts. "No sugar, no sweetness. Just a bad taste and disappointment."

It was at this point that both Reno and Cissnei got to see the reasons for why each of them had been able to identify the scent of blood in the air, the smeared crimson lines across Cloud's left cheek and forehead showing several nasty scratches on his angelic face. They also saw the slightly deeper lacerations on his exposed forearms, the pale expanse of visible flesh between leather gloves and blue uniform now marred by multiple dark lines of red. It was something that made the red head's breathing hitch and his heart skip in its beats, the thought of Cloud being harmed by the other cadet's, or worse yet, having harmed himself, making a dizzying sense of panic consume Reno like none other that he'd felt before.

"Cloud you need to listen to me and I mean really listen." The red head began, his voice creaking slightly as an image of him explaining all this to Zack flashed up in his head and guilt flooded his system. "You're not a lemon, you're not, and even if you were it would be ok cause Zack's your sugar. You hear me?"

There was no reply other than a slow blink of delicate eyelashes, a brief show of life and confirmation of a little more focused attention to what the young Turk was saying.

"Zack and you together is lemonade."

"Zack is … sugar." Cloud repeated thoughtfully, the irrational fog within his head still making his thoughts disjointed and prone to misdirection as he turned watery sapphire eyes away from them both. "Then, without Zack, I'm … nothing."

"No Cloud, that's not true. You're still something special … someone special." Cissnei called out, biting her tongue at the slip of referring to him as an object rather than a person. "And Zack needs you just as much as you need him."

"No, I hurt him." The cadet informed her solemnly, his words being so pained and broken that it cut deep into the female Turk's heart as she heard them. "I'm still hurting him. He just doesn't know it yet."

"How are you hurting him?" The brunette questioned sharply, her need to protect Zack now coming above her need to make sure the blonde was alright.

"I ran away. I … I panicked and ran." Cloud stammered before he sniffled back the new tears which were threatening to fall. "I promised him I'd be strong while he was away but I … I can't … I can't be alone. I don't want to be alone." He burbled as the floodgates opened and streams of water trailed down over his face once again leaving fresh silvery tracks along the muddied skin. "I don't want to be alone Reno." The blonde suddenly declared in a distressed tone, his limbs instantly going into a frantic motion as he started to panic and attempted to free himself from the previously protective confines of the bushes which surrounded him. "Reno! Help me Reno! Help me!" He cried out almost hysterically, as the twisted branches made escape impossible and the long sharp thorns began to cut into him once more as if unwilling to let him free from their grasp.

Reno didn't hesitate to move then, tearing through the physical walls the blonde had been able to surround himself with, his own flesh quickly being shredded by the naturally formed talons that ensnared the cadet's writhing form. He pushed past his own pain to get to Cloud, hissed at the sting as more cuts appeared along his exposed skin and cursed as his suit jacket was repeatedly caught and ripped in his struggle. He ignored the wash of scarlet that flowed from his own injuries as he broke through the last of the plants twisted and unrelenting limbs and grasped the blonde's equally damaged arms, the dark ruby coloured liquid ribbons which wound around their damaged flesh binding them together in a mixture of blood, sweat and tears.

"I've got you. It's ok. I've got you." The red head repeated firmly, his voice trying to sooth and comfort the cadet who now clung to him as if his very life depended on it.

"Reno … Reno … Reno." Cloud sobbed desperately against his chest, the young Turk's name having become the only word his shattered mind could manage to comprehend as they held each other tightly.

"It's ok, I'm here, I'm here." Reno tried to reassure as he gently rocked them both in a way that was meant to calm an upset child, the instinct to do so coming to him almost naturally as he pulled the cadet's trembling body closer against his own and added soft murmuring sounds between his quietly spoken words of support. "I'm here and I'm not letting go. I promise. You're coming home with me tonight, ok? I won't leave you alone. I won't. I promise." The red head swore, his voice shaking notably as all the emotions he'd been trying to keep bottled up finally came pouring out.

A few feet away Cissnei watched with a façade of apparent calm indifference, her own partially scratched hands being the only evidence that she had also started to act without thought upon hearing Cloud's distress. Yet, if anyone had passed by and looked closely they would have seen so much more. Within her hazel eyes there were shadows of past events best left forgotten, of memories that involved not only her own suffering but the pain felt by those she held dear to her heart, and a gloss of tears for the innocence that had clearly been taken from another person she now cared for.

She said nothing as she waited for Reno's assurances to work their magic and help Cloud find some peace, the red head's voice continuing to whisper softly until the blonde's muffled weeping evened out into ragged breathes and broken sniffles. Only then did she remind them both of her presence by coughing lightly, the sounding drawing Reno's attention first so that sea-green eyes looked up at her to show the red head was also having trouble dealing with all the emotional baggage this incident had raised in all of them.

"I can go and get some of his things from Zack's apartment and met you back at yours." She offered calmly, a head of fiery red hair bobbing once in silent agreement before she turned and made her way back towards the main compound.

With a destination already set in mind Cissnei didn't need to think about where she was going, her detailed knowledge of the base allowing her to walk wherever she needed to go on a strange sort of autopilot. This however left her thoughts to wander uninterrupted and she quickly found questions rushing through her head quicker than she could process them. What had happened to Cloud to make him like this? Why had the blonde broken so badly in such a short space of time? Hadn't Reno reported that the evaluation had gone well? Wasn't Cloud on a lower dosage of medication now because he was getting better?

None of it made sense, none of it. The hurt and frightened boy she had seen curled up in the red head's arms making her realise there was a whole lot more to the cadet's story than either Zack or Reno had previously let on.

Hurt. That's right. Cloud had been hurt. And so had Reno.

Cissnei's sure steps faltered as the image of their bloodied bodies wrapped tightly around each other filled her head and she quickly took a slight detour from her previous path. Both men … no … both Turk and cadet had been wounded and their injuries would require cleaning and dressing to prevent infection. Or better yet, healing materia would be best. The chances of getting hold of that at this point though were slim to none and so the brunette settled for what she could get her hands on for now. Her own smaller cuts stinging slightly as her fists remained clenched tightly at her sides and she made her way into the medical building, the supplies she would soon need being easily found within its pristine sterilised walls.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Zack hadn't even touched his dinner after returning to his room, the food laden plate still bearing it's now cold and congealed offering to those who wanted it should they feel the need for sustenance. Instead he'd tried to phone Reno again to get an update on Cloud and been frustrated to find the line already in use, the unrelenting feeling of worry coursing within him making it hard to focus on anything else.

He'd given it some time before trying again, mentally berating himself for fussing like he was, sternly reminding himself the red head had everything under control. But still that niggling feeling was there that all was not right, that something was wrong with his little Chocobo, and the more trouble he had getting through to Reno the worse that feeling got.

Never before had the red head's phone been this busy each time he'd tried to call it, the two times he'd managed to make a connection and it had gone unanswered being even worse on his already strained nerves. Questions poured through his mind as he tried to come up with logical explanations for why Reno would be so busy, why his calls would be ignored, and almost unconsciously the soldier found himself praying that nothing bad had happened to either the blonde or the red head.

With phone in hand and thumb hovering above the redial button Zack was about to make his eighth call to the Turk, a silent plea going out to whichever deity would listen that this time the phone would be answered. He never got the chance to make that call however as a few short sharp knocks at the door to his quarters interrupted the process and announced another's more immediate presence.

"Hang on a sec." The soldier called, a small irritated huff escaping him as he looked longingly at the phone once more before flipping it closed.

A few seconds later and he opened the door to reveal a sight which he was rarely exposed to, the sight of Angeal looking tired and unsettled instantly pushing his other concerns to side. If only for a moment.

"Angeal. What's wrong?" Zack gasped, his feet already shuffling back and out of the doorway so that the other man could enter.

The commander waited until the door was closed behind him before speaking, knowing that such a personal matter should not be aired to the general population of the base. It also gave him a few more precious seconds to mentally flip through what he had learnt from talking to Tseng and what he was actually comfortable sharing with his pup at this moment in time.

"Angeal?" The soldier questioned uncertainly, the extended silence between them having gone on long enough to start becoming uncomfortable.

"Perhaps you should sit down."

The suggestion did nothing to help calm Zack's nerves, his amethyst eyes instantly flashing with wisps of green as his barely concealed fears rose to the surface. It wasn't just his old mentor's words that scared him but the way they had been spoken, the tone implying that the news he brought with his visit would not be pleasant for Zack to hear.

"Please pup, sit." The commander insisted gently, the words being almost like an order rather than a suggestion as they were spoken.

Normally the soldier would have joked about the use of such wording, would have laughed at the comparison of his nick-name and being ordered to sit just like a dog. But right now there was no humour in it, the situation being too tense and awkward for both of them to make such a light-hearted moment possible. And so Zack sat without making another sound, his lips remaining sealed while his violet eyes asked all the questions his voice could not.

"I … I couldn't help but notice your distraction today." Angeal began, knowing it was the best place to start even if it did sound like a dressing down. "But I'm not here to pull you up on it. Your performance was unquestionable and without fault, so don't feel that I'm here to lecture you about it." He added quickly, the flicker of self-berating he saw within lavender orbs making his heart clench in his chest.

"Then why?" Zack dared to ask, his face tipping down towards the floor as he found himself unable to meet such serious and concerned brown eyes anymore.

"I was worried about you pup, about how quiet you were. It's not something that I'm used to, or … that I've seen in a long time."

"I'm sorry. I've had things on my mind." The soldier offered weakly, a cold tendril worming its way though his gut as the commander's words began to bring up memories of the past that he wasn't able to deal with right now.

"I know. I've spoken to Tseng." Angeal informed him apologetically, the comfort his voice now offered breaking what little control Zack still had over his emotions and indirectly giving the gathering tears within violet orbs an excuse to break free.

"Shit. I should have better control than this. I'm on a mission for fucks sake." Zack spat angrily, the overwhelming feelings that now swamped him making him forget that Angeal didn't approve of such language.

"It's alright to be concerned, to show that you care and are worried." The commander tried to reassure him, the words seeming to fall on partially deaf ears as Zack quickly shook his head in disagreement.

"I'm here and that's where my head should be, not thinking about things I have no control over."

"I take it you didn't know about the doctor's appointment either." Angeal guessed, the question really being unnecessary considering the circumstances.

Zack snorted in a bitter sort of amusement and nodded his head in confirmation, a sword calloused hand quickly wiping away the evidence of his tears as he drew a steadying breath to bring himself back under control again.

"According to Reno Cloud felt it was best not to worry either of us about it. Apparently he didn't want to add to our, or more specifically my, burdens about being away." Zack managed relatively calmly, though his voice was tight as he spoke. "By the sound of it the session brought up a lot of stuff he's having trouble processing."

"That was the impression I got as well." Angeal agreed evenly, his larger form now settling on the bed beside the soldier and drawing the younger man in against him in a fatherly embrace.

Zack took what was being offered and let himself fall back into that time again, let his mind and body slip to a place where having his mentors strong arm curled around his shoulders would provide feelings of warmth, strength and comfort when it was needed. He let his head of spiky raven black locks fall against the top of a well defined chest and curled his own muscular frame a little more into the embrace that had formed between them. The years having passed so that times like these had become fewer and far between, but the special bond they shared as ex-mentor and pupil never once letting the potential for them to happen be gone completely.

"What do I do Angeal? I don't know what to do?"

For a moment the commander wasn't sure what to say, his normally calm and rational thoughts still reeling from what the head Turk had revealed and the discover that Zack not only knew as well but possibly had more knowledge than he himself did.

"Knowing Reno the way I do I'm going to assume he has told you everything." Angeal began, a soft grunting sound confirming what he'd thought. "Then for now you have to trust that Cloud's in capably hands and they will help him through it until you get back."

"I know, I know." Zack sighed, his body pulling away as he spoke and his battled roughened palms rubbing briefly at his tired drawn features. "But I just have this gut feeling that something's not right and I can't get through to Reno."

"Try again." Angeal encouraged, knowing that it would be pointless to expect his pup to give up and get some sleep with such worries hanging over him.

The soldier smiled and for a brief moment there was a glimmer of light back in his eyes, the fleeting image already gone as Zack reached for his phone and pressed the speed dial button that would content him to the young Turk he desperately needed to speak to.

What he got instead was something unexpected, something that made his heart leap up into his throat and caused his next breath to catch.

"Zack. Zack is that you?" Cloud's voice asked softly over the airwaves, the notable tremble and slight cracking in his words letting the soldier know that he was not the only one to suddenly be overcome with emotions.

"Yea Spiky, it's me." He managed to breath, the relief and love he felt for the blonde coming through loud and clear for all around them to hear. "Gaia I miss you. I miss you so much." Zack choked, the strong confident voice he'd been hoping to talk with abandoning him almost immediately.

"I miss you too." The cadet blubber, the tears he couldn't see on angelic features so clear in Cloud's voice that it brought fresh ones unbidden to the soldier's violets eyes as well. "I'm not doing so good." The blonde confessed, a small sob accompanying the confession and tearing a hole in the soldier's chest as it ripped through him. "The apartments so empty without you there and I don't want to be alone … I can't be alone. I can't."

"It's ok, sssshhh, it's ok." Zack tried to say, his voice also breaking as he attempted to give verbal comfort when physical touch wasn't possible. "Can you … can you pass the phone to Reno for me please … just for … just for a minute. Ok?"

There was a soft sound of pained acceptance and then movement, the crisp noise of the phone being passed over both soothing and also hurting Zack's heart as he heard the one he loved move away to be replaced by another.

"I'm here Fair, what's up?" Reno asked, his tone implying that he already had a good idea what was about to be asked of him.

"Can Cloud stay with you, just … just until I get back?" The soldier requested, the way he posed the question making it sound more like he was now begging more than anything else.

"I've already got some of his stuff here and sorted him out with a place to sleep." The red head replied, the relieved sigh he heard over the phone making him smile despite the circumstances. "Just talk to him for a bit more, ok. He needs you."

"Thanks Reno. I owe you." Zack informed the Turk, a soft grunt acknowledging his words briefly before a much more desired voice returned to the line and the rest of the world ceased to exist for the soldier.

"Zack?" The cadet's soft voice asked hesitantly, almost as if he were afraid that the other would already be gone again.

"I'm here Spiky, I'm here." Zack replied gently, knowing that there was very little he could do to help the blonde right now except comfort him with words of love and reassurance. "I've been thinking about you all day." He admitted softly, a small sound of amusement escaping his lips before he continued speaking. "I'm surprise Angeal hasn't compare me to a love-sick-puppy yet."

"I've been thinking about you too." Cloud's voice echoed nervously, the slight tremble making the cadet sound even younger than he really was. "I … I let you down." The blonde stammered fearfully, his words cracking as the unseen tears made themselves heard once more. "I … I got scared. I … I ran away."

"It's ok." The soldier whispered tenderly, his heart clenching tightly within his chest as he tried not to think about what could have pushed Cloud to do such a thing. "You're safe now and that's all that matters."

"I … I'm sorry." The cadet breathed solemnly, a hesitant pause letting Zack know there were more painful confessions to come. "I … I wasn't careful. I … got hurt."

The soldier had to take a deep breath here and gather himself before responding, the sudden wave of anger he felt at those words instantly surging throughout his entire body and flashing brightly within his darkened violet orbs for the commander to see. Thankfully when Zack spoke again his voice was calm, although notably tight, and he was able to ask the question which burned within him in a tone that would not cause Cloud any more distress.

"Who hurt you?"

"I … I did." The blonde mumbled fearfully, his voice stuttering as he hurried to explain. "But it was an accident, I swear. I didn't mean to, I promise."

Once again choked up sounds of emotional pain cut the cadet off and if the soldier had been there he knew Cloud would be visibly shaking in front of him.

"It's ok. I believe you." Zack soothed, his insides twisting into knots as he tried to convince himself that what the blonde said was the truth. "Tell me what happened. Tell me why you got scared and how you got hurt."

For a few seconds there was only silence and the sound of muffled breaths as Cloud tried to control his breathing and gather his thoughts, as the cadet looked with relief and thanks at the departing Turk and the soldier silently bid the retreating commander goodnight. Then, with just of the two of them alone in their temporary rooms, one began to talk and the other began to listen. The things they both needed to hear and say finally having a chance to be shared with the one they were truly intended for.

It was almost two hours later that Cloud and Zack reluctantly said goodnight and ended their conversation, both drained on an equally physical and emotional level that had no comparison.

With whispered words of comfort still drifting through his head the cadet drifted off into an exhausted sleep feeling a little safer and not so alone, the soldier's reassurances that he would be back soon and that everything would be alright thankfully acting like a soothing balm over Cloud's severely tattered nerves.

For Zack sleep was a little harder to come by as he found himself calculating the hours and minutes until they would be together again, his thoughts finally finding silence as his consciousness eventually grew too tired to remain aware and slipped into a deep and much needed sleep.


	68. Chapter 68: Expect the unexpected

Eeeekkk. I can't believe how long it's been since I last updated this story. Sorry.

The thing is I sort of got distracted by another story idea and ended up working on that in my spare time rather than finishing this chapter. I'm hoping to start posting it in the next couple of days, but have put it to one side for a day or two in my attempt to get this long overdue chapter posted.

Once again sorry about the long wait and hopefully it hasn't put you off entirely. Enjoy.

* * *

Expect the unexpected

Unbeknown to Cloud and Reno they had not been entirely alone within the courtyard as they had talked so openly on Tuesday. The presence of a much greater man, who remained just out of sight, meaning that the words the cadet had let slip from his lips were heard by at least one other as they were quietly spoken. Yet this man was no threat to the blonde and had no intention of allowing such a moment of vulnerability be used against the boy. His mako enhanced senses having not only picked up the whole of the conversation easily, but also the emotions which had gone with it.

It was clear to see that the clinical session had stirred a lot of things up within the young man, that the private talk with the doctor had brought up a lot of emotional issues which the blonde was now trying to deal with. The small breakdown in the Turk's arms was certainly not acceptable for someone who was supposed to be alright and the mighty warrior knew from his own experience that people, normal people, needed more time to work through their feelings after such an encounter. Time which the young cadet did not have due to his rigorous training schedule.

Silver hair shimmered in the afternoon sun as the great man gently shook his head in disapproval, already knowing that if his friend was here then the boy would have most certainly been pulled out of class to give him that time to digest what had been discussed.

"No, Angeal would not approve of it." Sephiroth murmured to himself knowingly, his lips forming a tiny frown as he considered his options.

Just as if he was planning a tactical advancement the general's mind began to create various scenarios which could take place, his logical mind quickly considering and carefully assessing all of the possibilities available to him. There was still the need to keep a safe distance between himself and the boy, a factor which immediately became a top priority as he worked through various situations that would get the young cadet out of classes as soon as possible without drawing unwanted attention. After all, it would not do to have him show a personal interest in this one cadet above all of the others.

What didn't help was that there were no valid excuses which would account for the blonde being easily excused from his lessons or training, the highly personal nature of his situation meaning that there was little to no doubt that the boy would want it to remain private. But most frustratingly of all was that the majority of his carefully considered plans would go against Angeal's request that the young man not be treated differently from the others, that nothing else should be done to make the already ostracised cadet even more divided from his peers.

"You do not make this easy my friend." Sephiroth sighed, a small ache forming within his head as he considered the commander's words from their earlier conversations about Cloud. "And it would have been best if you, or your puppy, were here to deal with it yourself." He grumbled under his breath so that no one else would hear.

Of course, with neither party actually there to point this out too the general was left feeling mildly irritated and, if he was honest, even more confused by the way he was now feeling. In truth he had been … pleased, that Angeal had put such trust in him to also keep an eye on the boy. His old friend having asked hesitantly before his departure if such a thing would be possible without drawing undue attention, had enquired if it might be acceptable for the general to do a casual inspection of the cadets at some point just to make sure that things were being kept in hand. And to Sephiroth's surprise he had agreed to the request without much argument, his personal interest and knowledge of the boy making something within him curious to observe and perhaps, through this excuse, meet the young man again.

But why? Sephiroth found himself wondering. What was it about this boy in particular that still intrigued him? What was it about Cadet Cloud Strife that made him stand out from his peers? Oh yes, he knew that the blonde being able to hit him was certainly something which got him noticed, in addition to all of the interest Zack and Angeal had taken in the boys welfare after the … incident. But why, out of all the young men at his command, did the general find this one catching his attention?

With more questions than answers running through his head it actually took the general nearly five minutes to find a solution to his problem, his mental review of the boy's abilities leading him to a very simply and yet perfectly plausible idea. He knew, through Angeal, that due to his previous confinement in the apartment, and therefore undivided attention to his books, the blonde was ahead in all of his academic classes. Unlike a majority of his peers. And so it would be perfectly acceptable if, for the next few days, the training sessions were changed in a way which suited these needs.

No one would argue the great general Sephiroth if he showed displeasure at the low level of mental progress in the young recruits as a whole, the temporary cancelling of all physical lessons to make up for poor academic grades being the perfect cover to give Cloud some time to himself away from the others. It was just a shame that he wouldn't be able to put the plan into motion straight away, that the blonde would have to endure at least one more day of classes before he would have time to himself.

Growling softly Sephiroth pulled out his phone and began to make the necessary calls to get the ball rolling, his instructions being clear, conscious and non-negotiable as he contacted the staff who needed to be informed of the new arrangements. He might not have been able to help the boy now, that was the Turk's job apparently, but he'd make damn sure that Cloud wouldn't have to face the other cadet's while he dealt with such strong and clearly unstable emotions during Angeal and Zack's absence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cloud woke on Thursday morning feeling like he'd been hit by a truck, every part of his mind, body and soul having been battered and bruised in some way. He knew that the pain wasn't physical, well, at least, not all of it was. Yet, still, his weary body curled up into itself a little more as he weakly drew the thick blankets which covered him in a bit tighter around his trembling form.

Unfamiliar scents began to drift around him as he shifted carefully upon the mattress where he'd slept, the unique aroma not being unrecognisable to his mind but still not making sense to his distorted thoughts. The unexpected smell was definitely male, the hint of spicy cologne and tobacco mixed with an earthy touch and something else, something also known but not yet recognised, as it moved around him.

Blue eyes fluttered open in protest to the filtered early morning light which spilled in through slightly parted curtains, the first rays of sunshine peeking in through the glass to illuminate more of what had never been seen before. The cadet lay perfectly still as the blurry world began to take shape, as the fuzzy images became clearer, and his heart skipped a beat in uncertainty.

The room he now found himself in was not his own, was not Zack's, and was certainly not one he had seen before. Pale off-white coloured walls surrounded him, a small desk pushed up against one of them with several magazines littered upon it, and a sea of clothes hastily shoved to the edges of a dark brown carpet. The bed itself had been placed just off to one side of the room, the position of the headboard allowing the occupant to sleep in a way that would let them see anyone who might enter the room before the actual 'visitor' had a chance to locate them. It was a perfect defensive position to sleep in, one that Cloud had often used himself, and revealed a lot about whose home he might have spent the night in.

Closing his eyes once again the blonde tried to calm his racing heart and pressed his face into the pillow, his next breath being drawn in through his nose so that he could inhale that scent one more time just to be sure.

This time it only took his now fully awake mind a few seconds to process the unique smell of the red haired Turk that had befriended him. His finely tuned senses quickly recalling details about Reno that fit with both what he was currently experiencing and the state of the room he had been placed in. And with the realisation of where he was came the other memories, the ones where he'd not only cracked like an egg under the emotional stress but also allowed his mind to be scrambled at the same time.

Shame rushed forward and consumed the cadet as he pressed his face deeper into the soft pillow and stifled a cry of pain and frustration, of humiliation and guilt, but most of all bitter despair. He had failed Zack and not been strong while the soldier was away, had broken his promise to both his love and to Reno about trying to make new friends and give these things a chance. Instead of going to someone to talk about his growing paranoia regarding the other cadet's he'd turned away from them and run, had fallen back into old habits as easily and as swiftly as the wind could blow a dying leaf from a tree.

"I'm sorry Zack. I'm so sorry." Cloud mumbled into the now slightly damp material pressed against his angelic face, the heart-ache just saying those words caused now evident in his voice.

A dry deliberate cough from across the room instantly sobered the blonde's faltering state and his head snapped up and round to take in the sight of the person that had made the sound, an easily recognisable head of fiery coloured hair letting him know exactly who was now watching him.

"You ok?" Reno asked, ignoring the tear stained tracks on pink puffy cheeks in favour of hearing the words from the cadet himself.

"No." Cloud admitted, much to the Turk's relief, his face scrunching up as more fresh crystal like beads broke free of ocean blue depths and ran down over the already wet planes that their predecessors had created.

The red head sighed softly and let the relief he felt at the blonde's admission be seen in his eyes, let the sea-green orbs show that he was grateful to the cadet for telling him the truth. Last night had been like a slap in the face to Reno and it hurt to think that what they'd had at the beginning of the week might have been lost. He'd also be unable to forget how fragile Cloud had looked and sounded from the moment they had found him curled up amongst the dead undergrowth, how lost and broken the cadet's thoughts had clearly been as they spilled from his parted lips.

It was fair to say that the disorientated ramblings had not been comforting to hear, the distress and frightened words that were spoken within the confused mumblings leaving the red head in no doubt that it had been a bad idea for Cloud to return to classes as normal. He also knew that he had indeed screwed up during their training, that his technique had definitely been too harsh when the blonde himself was still so vulnerable.

Getting the cadet back to his apartment had not be an easy job, the blonde barley able to support his own weight as his rubber legs had wobbled and threatened to buckle out from underneath him the whole way. But thankfully the supplies Cissnei had picked up were more than enough to treat Cloud's injuries as well as his own, the cadet eerily oblivious to the damage he'd done even as the brunette Turk had carefully cleaned the open wounds with disinfectant and then dressed them. In fact, now that he thought about it, the blonde hadn't really acknowledged anything around him until Zack had phoned. His storm filled sky blue eyes having been completely unfocussed and unseeing as he had sat numbly in front of both Turks and allowed them to manipulate his body, like a lifeless doll, while it was cared for.

It had been the sound of Cissnei announcing the soldier's name, when it appeared on the caller display of Reno's phone, to snap Cloud out his withdrawn state. The cadet's awareness of the world around him only returning more solidly when Zack's name was spoken aloud by the brunette Turk as she geld the ringing device and informed the red head the identity of who was trying to reach him. Instinct had kicked in as Reno had taken in that desperate almost pleading look on Cloud's pained angelic features and he hadn't hesitated to hand the phone over so that the blonde could answer it himself.

The discussion which had led from that moment, between the cadet and soldier, had only added to the red head's certainty that it had been the right thing to do, as he had discreetly listened into some of the things which were said. The short time the two had shared on the phone simply talking confirming itself as being more than necessary for Cloud, as the emotional baggage and weight of unseen troubles were slowly lifted from the broken blonde's heavily burdened shoulders and allowed him to truly start pulling himself together again.

It was by pure coincidence that Tseng had also chosen that time to contact Angeal in Junon and inform the commander about an unexpected development which had occurred that day, of Sephiroth's plan to cancel all training in favour of an 'academic review day' and then subsequent additional classes for those cadets who were slacking in their educational lessons. Reno himself had not found out about it until much later when he'd reported the evening's events to the head Turk as required, once Cloud was tucked up in bed and finally sound asleep, knowing that however much he hated it Tseng had a right to know what had happened. Especially while Reno was acting as Cloud's mentor in Zack's absence.

What surprised the red head most however, was how clear it had been in the head Turk's voice, as he explained the change of plans, that he was also surprised by Sephiroth's decision. Trusting Reno with a bit more information than most other Turk's were to receive Tseng had outlined the arrangements of the rather abrupt and previously unheard of concept, while also openly admitting that such a thing had never taken place within the ShinRa cadet programme before. After all, they were supposed to be training soldiers for the army, not scientists for the battle field. The higher up's normally only looking for brawn in the men and not a whole lot of brain amongst the troops.

It was well know that every year the young boys who eagerly flocked to this place looking for fame and glory as a muscle bound soldier would work their bodies to be noticed, most happy to train their hardest to prove themselves and not caring if their mental grades were in fact only high enough to allow them to become nothing more than meat shields with guns. In the end Soldier, and Turk, always found the ones with promise within these walls, always noticed those who had the potential to go far, and made sure that those boys would not be lost in the system. Each unit quickly finding a way to support their future operatives with mentoring programmes or additional support in all areas of their training until that man, or women, became fully integrated as one of their own.

For Sephiroth to suddenly decide he wanted all cadets to have acceptable grades, or at least appear too, showed that there was something else going on. For all cadet lectures and training session to be cancelled for two whole days and swapped for personalised review sessions, with guidance to be given to those who were not exactly pulling their weight, meant that the general was pulling some pretty big strings for some unknown reason. Except, Reno had mused, while lying in bed that night waiting for sleep to claim him, perhaps Sephiroth was more aware of Cloud's situation than he let on. Maybe the great man was also keeping an eye on the young cadet who had struck him as well.

It certainly wouldn't be a surprise to Reno if Angeal had asked the general to watch over Cloud, especially at times or in the places where Reno could not, the kind-hearted commander clearly being just as concerned about the blonde as the rest of them. But still, for Sephiroth to agree to it. It couldn't be possible for the general to do such a thing, to watch over a lowly cadet he didn't even know just for a friend. Could it?

With more questions than answers, and ideas which bothered him more than they comforted, Reno had forced the spiralling thoughts from his head and focused on the most important part out of the whole thing. His mind having found a small sense of comfort in the way things would now go because of the new arrangements, ones that couldn't possibly be led back to Cloud in any way based on how the whole thing was to be organised.

For a start the cadets were all going to be ordered to remain in their assigned barracks until their appointed time slot during the first day, and then only attending additional educational seminars on the second day if instructed to. The resulting effect would mean that most cadets would be too busy and stressed out with their own issues to notice whether Cloud was around or not and due to the blonde's higher academic scores he would free from the additional class for some one-to-one time with Reno. On the plus side it also gave some of the other boys who, like Cloud, were ahead, a day off to enjoy however they saw fit. As long as it was spent on base of course.

The blonde himself however had yet to be told this and so it was no surprise to the red head when he saw dawning realisation of the day ahead forming in the cadet's sapphire eyes and the unspoken worry that it held for the blonde before him.

"Cadet classes have been cancelled for the day, so there's no need to rush getting up." Reno spoke up quickly, his voice remaining soothing so as not to startle Cloud who was already notably unsettled by his current surroundings and thoughts. "They've got an academic review thing going on cause some of the other grunts … cadets …" he quickly corrected "… have been slacking off a bit too much."

Thick silence hung in the air around them for a moment and the red head watched as the blonde analysed what had been said and slowly reached a conclusion which probably wasn't that far off base considering how the cadet's mind worked.

"Ok." Cloud replied calmly after a minute, his azure eyes levelling with the Turk and letting him know that he had his suspicions even though he wouldn't say them out loud. "So what am I expected to do instead?"

"For a start you can grab a few more hours sleep if you want, it's still early and we don't have to be anywhere until ten." Reno offered causally,

"Why not?"

"Cause I said so." The red head replied with a heavy sigh, his sea-green eyes rolling at the ever cautious blonde.

"I think…" Cloud began, his uncertain sapphire orbs instantly lowering to the floor as he spoke. "... I think I'd … like a shower. If that's … alright?"

"That might not be such a bad idea." The red head agreed softly, a part of him flaring to life in warning that something was seriously wrong in the way the cadet was now acting. "Getting cleaned up and into some fresh clothes might make you feel a bit better."

"I … I don't … have anything … here." Cloud stammered nervously, his head remaining bowed forward and unable to meet the red head's eyes as a notable waver entered his voice as he spoke. "I … I should go. I … I shouldn't … be here."

"Cloud, it's alright." Reno tried to reassure the blonde gently, his feet carrying him only a couple of steps further into the room before the cadet's tensing posture told him to stop. "Remember? I told you last night, that Cissnei had grabbed some of your stuff from Zack's … from your place and brought it round to mine." He quickly corrected. "You can shower and change here while I get us some breakfast sorted out and then…"

"Why?" Cloud interrupted him sharply, the moment of anger instantly disappearing as he spoke again without looking up. "Why did she do that?"

"You know that as well. We talked about it, remember? Zack asked if you could stay here and I said ok." Reno explained as kindly as he could, his feet once again moving him towards the trembling form upon his bed. "He doesn't want you left alone right now, asked me to let you hang out here until he gets back, and I can't say I blame him." He added sympathetically, the cadet's sudden submissive behaviour bothering him more than he'd liked to admit.

"It's … it's a little … fuzzy." Cloud whispered, the words coming out strained as if the emotions he was now experiencing were choking him. "I … I don't remember all of it, but … but I'm sorry … for last night. You shouldn't … neither of you … should worry … about me."

At this Reno gave into his need to comfort the broken cadet, to wrap his arms around the distraught blonde that tried to hide from him, and let himself sit on the edge of the bed beside the curled up lump of blankets. He didn't speak as he reached out and drew the bundle of bedding in against his chest, didn't let go as the body within the many layers tried unsuccessfully to pull away, and let the embrace he knew was needed be given.

"We worry because we care." Reno murmured to the huddled form now pressed against him. "Don't fight that, don't fight us. Please."

Instead of replying with words Cloud shuddered and a muffled sob escaped him, the bowed head of blonde spikes instantly dipping even further from sight as he tried to bury himself even deeper amongst the blankets which surrounded him.

"This isn't you." The red head breathed into the heap of cloth within his arms, an ache already growing in his heart at how much the cadet had seemed to fracture in such a short space of time. "What happened yesterday? What happened to make you like this?"

"I … I could..." Cloud stuttered, short ragged breathes accompanying his ever word. "I … I could … feel them … looking … at me."

"I'm not going to say you're imagining it, because they probably were, but I want you to take a breath and just think about it for a minute." Reno ordered gently, his grip adjusting slightly so that he would be able to hold the cadet close while also rubbing a hand up and down along the padded surface of the blonde's back in a soothing gesture of comfort. "They've been doing this sort of thing to you for a while now and you've been able to ignore it. The only difference right now is that Zack's not here, which is making you feel a bit more exposed than normal, and the doctor's session brought up stuff which has shaken you up as well."

"I don't know what happened Reno." The cadet managed, his voice growing a little steadier as he started to accept the support being given. "It was … it was like I was drowning. I couldn't breath."

"Like I said, stuff's shaken you up a bit."

"How am I going to make it into soldier if I can't even survive a week without him Reno? How?" The blonde whispered almost desperately, his watery blue eyes finally coming up to meet with the red head's worried sea-green ones as he spoke.

"It's not going to be like this forever, I promise." Reno tried to reassure him, the ocean blue depths still swimming with unshed tears as they held his determined gaze firmly.

"Then why does it feel like it will, like the problems will never end?" Cloud questioned nervously, his hitched breath at the end showing that while his mind asked for a reason his heart was perhaps not yet ready to hear one.

"Because right now you're dealing with a lot and that has to be sorted out before you can move on from it." The young Turk rationalised gently, his warm smile slowing drawing the cadet out from beneath the blankets.

"I screwed up Reno. I really did." The blonde replied hesitantly, his fear to admit to such things clear in his voice.

"No, you haven't." The red head corrected him firmly, his aqua spheres holding those sapphire orbs with an intense look as he spoke. "You got scared and ran, that's perfectly understandable." He began to explain, his voice softening as he realised that Cloud was hanging onto his every word as if they were part of a life line to keep him from drowning. "You didn't lash out and fight them, which would have caused a problem, and you didn't hit Sephiroth again. Cause that would have been a disaster, trust me. I mean, there's no way in hell I could have saved you from that one and I really don't think Zack would be happy to know you're cleaning the latrines again so soon." He tried to joke lightly, his own small smile thankfully being mirrored briefly by a tiny upwards twitch of Cloud's soft pink lips. "Look, at the end of the day you needed some space and some time alone. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I … I just couldn't stay. I had to get away." The cadet tried to explain, the tremble in his voice matching the wavering expression on his young face as it turned away from him. "I couldn't face anyone, not even you."

"Sometimes we all need to escape. Even me." Reno breathed, drawing the blonde's head back round to face him again. "But I want you to remember that I'm here for you, when you need me to be." He added seriously, something deep within him finally unclenching as he saw that the gloss of tears had finally started to dry up. "I know I'm not Zack, not the person you really need right now, but I'll do my best to be there for you until he gets back."

"I know you'll … that you're there for me." Cloud managed, his voice barely a whisper as he spoke. The shame and guilt of his actions from the night before once again coming through loud and clear for the red head to see and hear. "But I … I panicked. I felt so trapped and pathetic and useless and … and I …."

"Enough Cloud, let it go." Reno pleaded softly, his expression softening even more as he let his turquoise eyes show the blonde what his brain wouldn't let his heart say. "You're here now and that's all that matters. Today's a new day and we're going to spend it together, ok?"

The cadet simply nodded in response to show that he agreed and wasn't about to argue the statement, his own heart racing as he now saw what the young Turk was unable to tell him with words and drew it into himself desperately.

Reno watched as Cloud's defences began to rebuild themselves within him, as those big blue eyes began to look calmer and more collected, as the weight of his own desire to protect the blonde and keep him safe became the bricks and mortar needed to repair the damage which had been done.

"How about you have that shower now while I fix us some breakfast, yea." Reno proposed carefully, knowing that the moment was still fragile and that things shouldn't be rushed if the cadet wasn't ready to let go yet.

"Can we … can we have … pancakes?" Cloud asked nervously, his request catching the young Turk by surprise.

"Sure. No worries." Reno replied happily, a light-hearted chuckle escaping him as he felt the atmosphere around them instantly begin to become more relaxed at the cadet's innocently spoken request. "I'll mix up the batter while you get freshened up and changed."

With that he began to move away, his arms releasing their tight hold of the cadet so that he could rise to his feet once more and make his way out of the room. It was only as he was about to pass over the threshold and back into the living room that Cloud spoke up again, that the blonde's small voice called out to him with two simple words which instantly stopped him in his tracks.

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me Blondie." Reno informed him, the smile on his face growing as he considered the response he was about to give. "It's what friends do for each other, right?"

"Right." Cloud whispered softly in agreement, that tiny upward curve of lips slowly returning to his angelic features but this time taking up a permanent place there.

"Good." The red head noted happily, a small silent pause following what had been said before he nodded his head in agreement of the word and then left.

From his place on the bed Cloud waited until he could hear Reno moving around in what must have been the kitchen, the distant sounds of cupboards opening and various objects being retrieved meaning that the red head was now busy somewhere else and would not be returning any time soon. Then, and only then, did the blonde rise from the bed and allow his shaky legs to carry him over to the bag which had been place within the room. The familiar item now being easily recognisable as one of his own from Zack's apartment and therefore probably the one containing the clothes Reno had spoken of early, the ones Cissnei had fetched for him while he slept.

A few minutes later and Cloud found himself safely locked away in the red head's bathroom, the shower already running and allowing a stream of hot water to pour forth from it while wisps of steam drifted lazily in the air around him. Slowly the cadet had undressed himself and cringed when he saw the marks on his body, the few bandages which now covered his arms being a rather unpleasant visual reminder of the night before and the mistakes he'd made.

"Got to be careful." Cloud berated himself, as he began to remove the expertly applied dressings and the true extent of his injuries were made clear to him. "They're gonna think you've been cutting yourself again." He sighed heavily, the rather deep lacerations along his arms standing out in vast contrast alongside the small pink scratches on his pale ivory toned skin.

There was no doubt in Cloud's mind that people would think the worst if they saw the damage which now marred his pale soft skin, the knife like slashes being something he would have to cover up for a while until they were fully healed. But, in the end, what really made the blonde's heart ache as he turned his attention away from the semi-self-inflicted wounds was that Zack would also be hurt by them. That, by simply allowing himself to be injured in this way Cloud had once again failed the soldier he loved with all his heart and had broken his promise to be careful and take care of himself during Zack's absence.

Pushing aside the stirring feelings of regret and worry Cloud quickly began to wash away all other traces of the night before from his body, his hands moving vigorously over the dirty and old-sweat covered skin to clean it while at the same time they moved cautiously over the painful wounds so as not to upset the tender flesh and possibly make the injuries even worse than they already were. After all, it would not do to reopen the cuts and end up in the infirmary getting them treated.

Outside in another part of the apartment Reno was busy preparing the meal Cloud had requested, his head and heart still arguing over what had been said and how things would go from this point forward. It was clear to see that the blonde was emotionally unstable, that the positive feedback from the session with the doctor had not been as reliable as he had thought it was. At least, Reno thought to himself, I was able to make sure he slept in a comfortable bed last night and woke up with a friend nearby. But with that thought came those of others, ones which made his insides turn cold, and his body shudder, as he considered what might have happened if the blonde had woken up hurt and alone in that dead garden.

It was clear to see that Cloud hadn't been thinking about anything except finding a safe place to hide when he'd buried himself within those bushes, that he hadn't intentionally tried to hurt himself in the processes of finding shelter and protection. But damage had still been done to that baby soft skin, injuries which the cadet hadn't even registered as physical pain as his arms had been ripped to shreds by the branches he hid within. And that meant there was a serious problem.

For someone to be that far gone that they didn't feel it when damage was being inflicted upon them it had to be bad, for the mind block out the hurt those injuries must have caused meant that Cloud had either shut down completely or been able to tune it out. Either way Reno wasn't happy, his insides becoming cold as he considered both possibilities and found neither were to his liking. If Cloud had started to fall apart to that extent then he was in serious trouble and there was no way in hell that Reno was letting Zack get pulled down into that kind of hell as well. But, on the other hand, if the cadet was able to block the pain out, then that was a different concern entirely.

Being able to displace the distraction of physical pain meant good training, or years of practice, and Reno knew that Cloud didn't have that kind of training to fall back on. Memories of what Zack had told him, and what the blonde had admitted to himself, instantly filled the red head's mind as he began to cook. His attention to the task only being half there as he quickly began to draw some very disturbing conclusions.

Cloud didn't appear to feel pain, at least not physical pain, not like most people did. The blonde clearly able to shut it out either by choice or instinctively when it was inflicted upon him. He hadn't had training which meant it had been learnt, self-taught if you like, through years of practice and … experience.

"What the hell did they do to you?" Reno whispered harshly, his question thankfully going unanswered as the one it was intended for did not actually hear it. "And which group of bastards that hurt you, actually taught you how to close yourself off from it?" He mused tiredly, his worry for the blonde now reaching a whole new level as he slowly began to realise that perhaps Cloud was more suited to being a Turk than a soldier after all.


	69. Chapter 69: A morning at the office

Hi

Yea, I know it's been a while since I update here and believe me I feel like a real s**t for it and can't apologise enough.

The thing is I sort of got caught up with my other story and ended up making the small rut I was in with this story even deeper and couldn't get out of it. I've actually re-written this chapter five times trying to make it sound right and have edited it to death, so please forgive me if it still has a few errors in it because I'm scared to look at it again in case I want to change something else.

That being said I really do hope you enjoy it and will try to update again much sooner next time.

* * *

A morning at the office

Cloud sat nervously in Reno's office waiting for the red head to return from his supposedly quick meeting with Tseng, his own anxiety about the situation steadily building as the minutes continued to tick by without any sign of the red head's immanent return.

Annoyingly it had all been going so well until this point. The early morning breakfast being calm, if not a little uncomfortable while they talked, and the unexpected turn of events actually making the blonde feel better about how the day ahead was going to turn out. But now, after spending over an hour sitting alone in Reno's office, Cloud was once again beginning to feel unsettled by everything in his life and very much out of place within his current surroundings.

In fact, had anyone entered the room at this point they would have been met with a closed off and clearly guarded cadet staring right back at them, his ocean blue eyes now just as cold and unforgiving as the arctic sea as they continued to watch the door with a hawk like attentiveness. But deep inside Cloud was anything but still as he continued to stare at the flat wooden surface which separated him from the outside world, his ever cautious gaze unwavering as it focused solely on every sound or hint of movement which came from just beyond the doorway. And instead of a calm relaxed rhythm, which would be expected from someone resting in an office chair, his heart was beating at an accelerated pace as steadily building feelings of insecurity ran through him. The large muscle within the blonde's chest pumping his adrenaline fuelled blood through his veins a little faster than was necessary as it kept him prepared for the appearance of some, as of yet, unseen threat.

And though the cadet knew that there should have been a sense of safety from being closed off inside the red head's personal room, within the Turk's main office building of all places, the cadet felt none of it. The extended period of time which had now passed meaning that he was not only feeling alone once more, but also very much abandoned in an unfamiliar place where unknown dangers lurked behind every corner. Or, at least they did in his spiralling thoughts.

It wasn't like Cloud to sit still for so long in unknown territory, the brief visit he'd had to this place with Reno a short time ago in no way making him feel safe or secure within this environment now. Especially on his own. He didn't know the building's layout properly, not after only coming here once before. And without any idea about points of entry or exit to go by, in case of an emergency, he was feeling more than just a little bit overwhelmed by all of the uncertainties which surrounded him. It wasn't like being in the barracks, the cadet training halls, or lecture rooms. Places the blonde now knew like the back of his hand and could probably run with his eyes closed.

He'd been taught that lesson early in life, the importance of knowing ones surroundings, of being able to navigate them quickly without too much thought, and it had been a painful thing to learn. His experiences growing up in Nibelheim, as a child who was disliked by so many, teaching him the value of such knowledge and the consequences of being ignorant to it.

It had therefore been almost heart-breaking to find that it was something he hadn't been able to let go of once arriving in Midgar, even though he'd hoped and prayed that it wouldn't be necessary here in this great city of all places. One which was built on the belief of supposedly achievable dreams and endless possibilities. Those initial induction weeks as a cadet proving that in fact nothing changed and that once again he would need those skills if he was to survive here, just as he had done back home.

As a result of those first few experiences amongst his new peers, and the pain which they brought him, Cloud had made sure to spend as much free time as possible walking around all of the places he could access within the ShinRa compound until he knew them by heart. Only allowing himself to feel a small measure of safety, and the confidence to be still within them, once he was certain that there would always be a means of escape nearby when he needed it. As long as he had a chance to reach it of course.

Yet, here he was, in a building he didn't really have any knowledge of, surrounded by people he'd never met before, with no idea how to get away should they turn on him. Even if they were theoretically Reno's trusted colleagues and meant to remain outside the office while he, the low ranking cadet, was supposedly safe inside the room. The only three Turk's that he did know, and could possibly rely on, all being busy with other things and leaving him alone and completely defenceless in this new environment.

Sadly though no one can sustain such a high degree of attentiveness for such a long period of time without becoming exhausted both mentally and physically by the self imposed restraint needed to maintain it. It was simply a case that no matter how had a person tried, or how uncomfortable they were with their surroundings, their body would eventually begin to falter in its preparation for fight or flight as the stress and strains wore it down.

As if to demonstrate this very point to the blonde himself, Cloud felt his body start to tremble slightly as his muscles finally began to show their displeasure at being forced to hold such a defensive stance for so long. The steadily building sensation of notable cramping in both his arms and legs gradually letting Cloud know that he wasn't going to last much longer in his battle ready position.

Frustrated azure eyes flickered hastily towards the clock on Reno's desk once more, if only for the briefest of seconds, and the cadet instantly saw that it was now closer to two hours since the Turk had left him there. Reno's parting words of "I'll be as quick as I can" still lingering in the air around the blonde and making a refreshed surge of irritation at the red head flow through Cloud's veins. Sighing heavily the cadet tried to shake off the feeling of stiffness which was now quite apparent in his shoulders, knowing that it wouldn't do him any good, and tried not to get so wound up about his current circumstances that his body would be unable to react properly should the situation actually call for it.

It was at this point that Cloud realised he had become his own worst enemy and drew a deep steadying breath as he tried to focus on the reason he was there in the first place. His inner turmoil finding some peace as he tried to calm the rising tension within his own body by thinking about what Reno had told him earlier that morning regarding their reason for being here. How this visit was intended to be the first of two days spent in the Turk's main building and training facilities so that he and the red head could have some one-to-one time in a secure place to continue his studies away from the other cadet's.

"This is stupid." Cloud huffed in mild frustration at his own negative thoughts, his hands now fiddling restlessly with the cuffs of the long sleeve top he was wearing. A heavy sigh escaping him as he sought another way to distract himself from his current situation.

Using the soft blue cotton he now fiddled with as a way of redirecting his thoughts Cloud tried to relax by rubbing the pads of his thumbs along the seam and concentrating on the ridges there, on focusing his attention on the faint bumpy pattern and using it as a tool to regulate his breathing. Slowly he counted the raised edges as he skimmed the top of them, a slow breath being drawn in as he moved around the complete circle encompassing his wrist. He then repeated the count but this time in reverse as he let the breath out, repeating the action a few more times until he felt a little more in control of his body.

The only problem with doing this however was that it reminded him of why he was wearing the long sleeved top in the first place, the item having been one of a selection Cissnei had packed for him and the one he'd actually chosen to wear for the day ahead. Cloud didn't know whether to thank the women or hide from her the next time they met, the selection of clothing she had fetched the night before making him both relieved but also unsure of how he felt about it all.

It had been obvious from the moment he'd started pulling the various items out of the bag that the young brunette had known he would want to cover his arms up, the first two tops he pulled out both having long sleeves that would go right down to his wrists and conceal the damage which had been done to his forearms. And something about that troubled Cloud greatly, something about Cissnei knowing him that well, or perhaps just being able to read him that easily, causing an unsettled feeling to form deep within him. He didn't like it when people could work out what he was thinking, or worse yet, what he was going to think, because it normally led to bad things. Things which the blonde really didn't want to be worrying about right now. Not when everything else was still so unstable in his head.

"Great, just great." Cloud sighed, his head dipping down and his hands moving up to run claw like fingers through his blonde spikes in frustration. "Zack wouldn't want you doing this, not right now." He berated himself, the almost desperate need to be moving, to be doing anything but sitting still, once again filling every fibre of his being. "He'd want you to trust them and you can. You can. You just … you just need to … let them in." The cadet mumbled uncertainly, his voice wavering notably as hearing the words slip past his lips made them more significant than having simply spoken them in his head.

Just then the sound of movement beyond the door caught the blonde's attention and drew it away from the new path it had been following, the noises he'd heard just behind the solid mass of wood being faint but still loud enough to have the cadet back on full alert again. Not even realising he was doing it Cloud's body began to tense once more in preparation for the unknown visitor, his shoulders rising and his arms coming up at his sides into a defensive position ready for attack. When the door actually opened however there was no enemy, no threat which needed to be fought against, and instead of danger Cloud found himself looking into surprised sea-green eyes as he quickly fought to repress the undeniable urge to fight before fleeing to safety.

"Everything ok in here?" Reno asked, his whole body having switched into its own version of combat mood based on the way the cadet was now poised in front of him. The very obvious show of barely contained aggression he was greeted with making him feel more like he was walking into a potential bar fight, or royally fucked up mission, than his own office.

"Where have you been?" Cloud demanded to know in a hushed tone, his voice tightly laced with the strongly contained emotions he was desperately trying to hide.

"I'm sorry it took so long, but Tseng and I had a lot to get through so I would be freed up for a couple of days." The red head apologised, still not daring to actually move too far into the room, or close the door, in case the agitated blonde took it as a bad sign. "I didn't mean to be gone so long, but some cases needed to be dealt with personally and I didn't want it getting in our way later." He explained calmly, hoping that his use of a soothing tone would encourage the cadet to relax a little bit as well.

Thankfully the tactic worked and Cloud did indeed start to ease up a little, his rigid posture relaxing just enough so that he settled back into his chair properly once more. The image of the blonde sitting casually in his office however didn't fool Reno for one minute, the relief such a view should have given being dismissed in a heart beat, as he noted the ever cautious look Cloud was still giving his surroundings. Carefully, and ever so slowly, Reno closed the office door and moved further into the room, his athletic form casually taking the long route round to his side of the desk so that it wouldn't draw too close to the cadet and make an already uncomfortable situation worse.

Except, in its own way, the attempt to keep things calm for the blonde didn't really help.

Tired sapphire eyes looked away in shame as Cloud realised how his growing paranoia was affecting the young Turk, could see how his behaviour was once again influencing the way someone else was acting and berated himself for being the cause of it, for putting Reno in a position where the red head clearly felt a need to keep a distance between them.

"I'm sorry." The cadet breathed softly, his head remaining turned away as he spoke. "I just don't like staying still in places I don't know. It … it gets under my skin, like an itch I can't scratch." He tried to explain without being able to make eye contact, his senses telling him that it wasn't really needed because the young Turk was undoubtedly listening intently to every word he said. "I need to feel like I have … options."

"It's ok, I get it." Reno reassured him, the gentle way he spoke making the blonde look back round and meet his friendly, though still clearly concerned turquoise eyes. "I need to know where all the exits are too."

And just like that Cloud knew he didn't need to explain it to the red head, didn't need to fluster about with words that would make him seem crazy, paranoid or pathetic as he tried to explain why he was so on edge, because Reno already understood.

One look into those sympathetic sea-green orbs was all it took for the blonde to see that the young Turk knew exactly what he was talking about without him actually having to say the words, had already guessed the reason before Cloud had even given one and that the confirmation of it had not been needed. But what made the cadet's heart skip a beat was not the knowledge that Reno knew and understood his problem, but that the red head spoke in a way which suggested he shared Cloud's feelings. The simply reply letting the blonde know that he wasn't alone in his need to be able to escape, that the nausea now rolling around inside him from not being able to move around and explore his surroundings was one that the young Turk felt too when the situation presented itself to him.

"Can we … can we get out of here?" Cloud asked uncertainly, the stifling room suddenly starting to feel almost claustrophobic now that his chance to get out of it was finally here.

"Sure, let's go." Reno replied without hesitation, the folder he'd been carrying with him quickly being thrown into a desk draw so that they could leave.

Knowing that Cloud wouldn't want someone walking behind him while he was still this unsure of his surroundings Reno led the way, his lazy stride moving easily down the corridors as he casually walked them towards the training rooms. Thankfully it only took Cloud a few minutes to work out where they were heading and he finally started to drop his defensive state, the tension within him still bubbling just beneath the surface but at least no longer as close to the breaking point as it had been reaching.

"So what did you fancy doing today?" Reno asked in an offhand way, knowing that it would be a better idea to give the cadet something else to focus on as they walked. "I fancied a bit of target practice, how about you?" He suggested in an unconcerned manor, the option now being left open for the blonde to make the decision and hopefully distract him from his current thoughts a little more quickly.

"Sounds good." Cloud replied after a few minutes of silent contemplation, his mind having debated the idea in comparison to some hand to hand combat and finding that he wasn't really in the mood for it. Or in the best physical shape either.

It was also clear to him that Reno probably wasn't comfortable trying anything too physical while he was till injured, that the almost blasé manor in which the activity had been suggested was in fact the red head's way of selecting the task without actually choosing to do it. It was quite clever really and the cadet hid a small smile as he realised that the young Turk was softening up on him even though he'd said he wouldn't the last time they spared. That Reno's statement about not babying him like Zack did, or words to that effect, were kind of going down the drain as they planned their day ahead.

Cloud decided there and then to sort out the situation and rectify that problem, because there was no way he was going to have two soft hearted people training him. And certainly not if he was as sloppy as the red head had implied after kicking his arse the day before.

"I know what you're trying to do." Cloud informed the young Turk cautiously, those intense sea-green eyes instantly coming round to look at him as he had spoken those words. The dread of what might be said next flicking briefly within the turquoise orbs before Reno quickly reined it in. "And I'm not upset at you for it." The blonde continued calmly, a trembling little smile managing to form on his lips for the red head to see and hopefully be reassured by.

"Just so that we're clear about everything, and I don't screw this up with some stupid comment, what do you think I'm trying to do?" Reno asked carefully, that tightly concealed concern slipping through just a bit more as he held Cloud's gaze.

"You're worried about hurting me more, about letting another training session get as rough as it did the other night." The cadet informed him softly, that slight upward curve of lips changing into a sad smile as he continued to speak. "And I don't blame you, especially with my arms being the way they are right now."

"The injuries you sustained last night were an accident." Reno cut in quickly, his steady pace coming to a halt so that the blonde was forced to stop walking and actually look at him as he spoke. "Yea, you mucked up and got hurt. And I should kick your cute little behind for doing it." He pointed out firmly, the stern way he spoke in fact helping Cloud to feel more at ease as he finally started to receive the anger he had been unconsciously waiting for all morning from the red head. "But I also get why you did it and I can't be mad at you for that."

"But you should be." Cloud pointed out hesitantly, his deep rooted need to feel some sort of disappointment for his actions from the young Turk pushing him to argue the point. "You should be pissed off that I ran like that, that I got hurt instead of coming to you, and that what I did is hurting Zack so much."

"I think you've got enough self-loathing going on right now to cover for the both of us. Don't you?" Reno noted with a heavy sigh, the way Cloud was obviously looking for some form of punishment or personal rejection irritating him. "And even though it bugs the hell out of me that you screwed up, I'm not going to toss you aside because of it." He added without breaking eye contact with those unbelieving big blue orbs, the shimmering sapphire spheres letting him know without a doubt that Cloud wasn't used to having his slip-ups forgiven so easily. If at all.

"Why?" The cadet asked, his pulse racing a little faster now as he started to voice the concerns flowing within him. "Why don't you hate me for what I did?"

"For a start it wouldn't achieve anything." Reno huffed, clearly annoyed by the blonde's suggestion that he would do such a thing. "And because I know you freaked out yesterday, that what you did wasn't on purpose, and if you'd been thinking straight it wouldn't have happened." He pointed out, his next words faltering slightly as he realised that they were going to come out wrong and in doing so it gave Cloud a chance to interrupt his train of thought.

"I'm … I'm ok about it, if you're angry I mean." The blonde mumbled hesitantly, that unwelcome waver of uncertainly still evident in his voice. "I didn't just let Zack down, I let you down too."

Reno growled softly at the defeated tone he heard and knew it would be pointless to keep arguing the subject, that as far as Cloud was concerned he'd screwed up and deserved to suffer for it in some way. Whatever that way might be.

"Look." Reno huffed with a slightly exaggerated sigh. "I'm not going to lie and say I'm happy about it, but at the same time I meant it when I said I understand. Just promise to try and come to me if it ever happens again."

"I …" Cloud managed before he was cut off, the look he received from the red head letting him know not to interrupt what was clearly a meaningfully speech.

"We've talked about a lot of personal stuff in the last few days and I'm not gonna get soft on you over what's been said, if that's what you're afraid of." The red head pointed out firmly, the flash of relief his saw in ocean blue eyes letting him know he was on the right path with his own thoughts concerning the way things were currently going between them. "But at the same time I'm not about to let our training to back to that level again so soon, especially with you're still hurt."

"Actually I'm kind of glad about that." The blonde cut in quickly, his lips twitching up into a flicker of a smile as his response instantly silenced the Turk's argument of what he'd clearly thought were going to be protesting words. "It's what I meant when I said I knew what you were trying to do."

"Oh, ok then." Reno mumbled, not really sure what else to say at this point.

"I don't want you going back on how we trained, on how … upfront you were with it." Cloud tried to explain, his feet shifting restlessly where he stood as he tried to justify himself. "I need that, even if it looks like I don't. I mean, I know that I freaked out and you're probably thinking the way we trained had something to do with that and it did." He admitted, watching intently as the red head now looked away in discomfort at what had been said. "But it wasn't our training that made me lose it like that. It was the things I talked about with the doctor which got me worked up, the other cadet's watching me that pushed me over the edge." He tried to rationalise, the stumbling words at least appearing to ease some of the worry in those turquoise orbs which now held his own firm gaze just as strongly. "I felt like a failure for so much and it all got mixed up inside my head."

"Which is another good reason why we should focus on some of the simpler stuff today." Reno pointed out, his tone being firm while his expression was soft and reassuring. "So that you can clear your head while you work on another area of your development."

"I guess that makes sense." Cloud agreed with a small smile. "But promise me you won't ... that you'll be honest if I'm screwing up." He demanded hesitantly, his sky blue eyes silently begging the red head to accept this condition of their training. "I need to get better if I'm going to make it into soldier, need to make sure that I'm using my head properly and not just relying on my instincts."

"Your instincts are fine so don't doubt them." Reno pointed out calmly, a tiny voice inside his own head scolding him for putting that idea in Cloud's mind. "In fact they're better than good, so make sure you do listen to them."

"But you said..." Cloud began, his voice trembling as the young Turk seemed to contradict himself in what had been said before.

"If your senses tell you to fight, run, duck, or whatever do it." Reno stated simply, his whole body leaning to one side so that the majority of his weight was now resting on one leg as he spoke. A hand on his hip helping to give the semi-formal speech he was currently giving a sense of casualness to it. "But don't lose sight of everything else around you when you do, keep your mind focused so that the two elements can work together rather than letting one take over completely."

"So thinking about it too much is bad as well." Cloud asked uncertainly, the simple question suddenly having another meaning to it as he met the red head's thoughtful gaze.

"Thinking about anything too much is bad." Reno agreed lightly, having easily picked up on the underlying question being presented to him. "If you let your head take over then your thoughts will consume you. They'll have you second guessing yourself, wasting time reassessing a situation, and probably end up getting you hurt because you didn't act quickly enough and let a good thing slip by."

"A good thing?" Cloud whispered nervously, the way he now looked humbly towards the floor showing that he clearly understood what the young Turk was talking about.

"Yea," Reno breathed softly, his hand slowly reaching out and gently giving the blonde a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. "What you and Zack have is a good thing. One I know is perfect for both of you, if you can just give it a chance."

"I am!" The cadet protested loudly, his face flushing pink with embarrassment as the words echoed off the walls of the corridor they were currently standing in. "I am." He repeated more quietly, the tone lower in volume but no less in its intensity as he spoke.

"I know you are." Reno replied calmly, his own voice softer in an attempt to sooth the wound he had indirectly caused. "But you're still letting the warring parts of your body take over and it's making you do things which end up causing more harm than good."

"What ... what do you mean?" Cloud asked, needing to know what the red head was talking about even as it made that sickening feeling begin to form once again in his stomach.

"What I mean is that sometimes your instincts kick in and you act without thinking, throwing yourself into a situation where you end up fighting, or fleeing, and always getting hurt in some way." Reno explained, a small heavy sigh between the first reason and the next giving Cloud a chance to absorb what was being said. "But when you start to think too hard about stuff you get carried away and start to second guess what is happening, your brain 'mixing stuff up' as you say and throwing your rational decision making skills out the window."

"So I ... I need to work on finding a balance." Cloud guessed thoughtfully, his sapphire orbs brightening a little as he began to make sense of what Reno was talking about. "I need to start using the two together instead of relying on one over the other."

"Exactly." The red head chuckled happily. His hand, which had not moved from Cloud's shoulder, now drifting casually across the blonde's back so that, in effect, he ended up with the cadet tucked under his arm. The long limb slung over the younger man's shoulders in a casual and friendly embrace as he turned and began to lead them towards the training rooms once more.

"But how?"

Reno couldn't help but sigh, even as he smiled warmly down at the blonde beside him, and replied in the only way he could to such a question.

"Only you can work that one out." He admitted sympathetically, his expression softening even more as Cloud practically rolled his eyes in exasperation at the answer. "But know that I'm gonna be here to help while you do. Ok?"

"Ok." The cadet sighed, his response being better than the red head could have hoped for as he appeared to accept the situation for what it was. "And thanks for ... well for everything I guess." Cloud mumbled bashfully, his pink cheeks darkening a little as he spoke, the blonde clearly not used to saying such things to the people in his life.

"No worries, it's what friends are for. Right?"

"Right." The cadet agreed softly, that small shy smile he did when he was grateful but still nervous once again visible on his angelic face.

"Come on then, let's go shoot some shit and have fun while we're doing it." Reno declared cheerfully, his jovial attitude making a blonde eye brow raise in silent question as to the current state of the red head's own sanity. "What?" The Turk asked in some sort of mini protest to the look he was now being given. "Can't a guy enjoy the simple pleasures in life?"

"Not when it involves destroying stuff so eagerly. That can't be healthy?" Cloud pointed out as they headed down the flight of stairs which would take them to the basement levels where a decent shooting gallery was set up.

"You have no idea how much we're going to have tomorrow Blondie." Reno replied dreamily, the far-to-happy look in his sea-green eyes making the cadet feel both anxious but also a little excited to know what plans were suddenly forming in the Turk's scheming mind. "Gonna have to get Cissnei on board though." Reno hummed thoughtfully, as he steered them into one of the target practice rooms and flipped a switch to let anyone who arrived after them know it was now in use. "She'd kick my arse if we played with the big stuff without her."

"Big stuff?" Cloud enquired uncertainly, his hands trembling slightly as the red head released him and went in search of weapons and ammo for them to use. "What kind of ... big stuff?" He managed to ask as a selection of guns appeared on the small table in the room, several boxes of various bullets joining them almost in the blink of an eye.

"You'll see." Reno laughed happily, the sound for some reason making the cadet smile as it stirred something inside him and chased away the nervousness with a small rush of excitement and anticipation.

After all, everyone had heard the rumours and knew about the Turk's reputation for having some pretty interesting toys to play with when they went on mission.

"Would Zack approve?" Cloud asked casually, his insides fluttering as the red head laughed openly at the question and replied with obvious amusement.

"Oh yea, he'd approve."

"What about Angeal?" The cadet enquired cautiously; almost sure he already knew the answer to this question

"What Angeal doesn't know can't hurt him." The Turk aired overly suggestively. The all too pleased smirk and easily seen gleam in Reno's eyes letting Cloud know that this was one experience he would not be sharing with the commander any time soon, if at all.

"Right." The red head declared with a bright infectious grin, his attention turning back to the task at hand. "First off I'm gonna see how well you do with something you're used to playing with." He stated simply, the cadet's eyebrows rising toward his hairline in a bizarre form of curious amusement at the red head's suggestion that they played with guns.

The look didn't go unnoticed by Reno who simply smiled even more and rolled his eyes as if to say 'you know what I mean' and then he was back to his original train of thought.

"Once I've got an idea on what you can already do I'll switch you to a couple of different models and see how well you coup with the various sizes and strengths."

"That sounds fair." Cloud agreed, his own soft lips now curved upward in a relaxed and open show of pleasure in what they were doing.

A few minutes later and both blonde and red head found themselves kitted out with a pair of strong plastic glasses to protect their eyes and a set of ear plugs wedged firmly in place, where they belonged, to help lessen the sound of potentially deafening gunfire within the specialised training room. Both stood with a solid stance and well placed footing which gave them the best balance for the weapons they were using, their sights being on the target at the end of the range as they emptied their clips and attempted to score higher than the other in some unspoken competition which had formed between them.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

By the end of the two hour session it was clear to Reno that Cloud was pretty good with a gun, that his aim was mostly accurate with a majority of the weapons, and that with a bit more practice he could become quite efficient with all of the models they had experimented with that morning. What pleased the red head most of all though was the blonde's calm and proficient use of each firearm, the way he took the time to get to know a little bit more about each one than was technically necessary so that he could handle it with the respect it was due. Or so he said.

In the young Turk's mind however he was pretty sure that the cadet just liked to know everything he could about the tools he was using, a skill which Reno wasn't about to discourage seeing as how ignorance could be deadly. He therefore took the time needed to show Cloud not only how to load the various weapons but also demonstrated how each gun could be dismantled and rebuilt, so that the blonde would have as much knowledge about each firearm as he needed to feel comfortable using it. And as he'd observed the cadet's progress Reno had felt something unfamiliar bloom within his chest as Cloud's hesitant fingers grew more confident in the way they manipulated each cold piece of metal as they became accustomed to them.

It was once they had sat down to eat a light lunch in the Turk cafeteria that the red head finally began to realise that his insides were in fact filled with a sensation of warmth and personal joy at the blonde's achievements. His own heart swelling with pride as the words which passed between them, as they reviewed the morning's training session, made him realise that the cadet had soaked up everything which had been demonstrated like a sponge. That every bit of knowledge he'd shared with Cloud had been listened to with a sort of respect he'd never thought another person could give him, and that the time and effort which had been put into making the private lesson more than it needed to be was appreciated greatly.

Needles to say it gave Reno a lot to think about as they threw their trash away and made their way out of the large dinning room, his head and heart now in silent conflict over Tseng's words of mentorship and the benefits it could bring. The ones he was now feeling as he supported Cloud, as he mentored the cadet through his training, making something pulse in delight within him. The thought of being able to feel something like this on a more permanent basis starting to swing his thoughts towards another, more positive, direction of the Turk's apprenticeship programme.


	70. Chapter 70: Shadows of the night

Eeek, I've proof read twice but I'm sure there's still some mistakes. Thing is I'm kinda bogged down with reports right now and wanted to get this chapter finished and posted before I lost another week to work. Hopefully you'll forgive the errors and I'll clean them up when I get a chance.

Enjoy.

* * *

Shadows of the night

The wind was stronger tonight, the air holding a colder bite to its intensity as Cloud moved through the darkness and ran with the shadows. He still didn't know why he was doing it, still couldn't explain the desire to escape as it had consumed him, and in truth there was no need for him fleeing like this. But something had called to him from the world outside as the moon had shone through their bedroom window, a familiar presence whispering words that drew him away from the warmth and comfort of Zack's arms and out into the embrace of something else. And though the cadet had known there was no need to go he had been unable to stop himself from rising from their bed, had allowed his body to move of its own accord as he dressed quietly and slipped silently from the apartment.

There had been no time for second thoughts or regrets as the craving to run free had spread along every fibre of his being, as the sensation to move through the night had consumed him and left the blonde with no choice to obey. It wasn't like he was trying to get away from the soldier that lay sleeping peaceful back in their home, his heart aching both from the strain this activity was putting on it but also from the pain his distance now put between them. And yet, his feet would not stop moving, would not cease to travel across the dry muddied ground so that more and more space formed between them.

Cloud heard himself laughing as he moved like the wind and flew through the shadows of the night, no one able to see him let alone stop him as he became one with the very thing he was supposed to be fighting. Realisation of this dawned on the cadet just as if he had been struck by lightening, the very fabric of his soul being ripped in two by the heavenly sent bolt of electricity to shock some sense into him. Tired and aching Cloud slid to a stop and felt everything within him which had been growing strong fall away, felt his walls crumble and disintegrate until it was him alone in a barren wasteland and there was nothing there to protect him.

"Oh Gaia, what have I done?" The blonde breathed heart-brokenly, knowing that he wasn't supposed to run; knowing that he'd made this mistake before and promised never to make it again.

Panic filled the cadet's body until it overflowed and found release as crystal like tears, the evidence of his regret and shame spilling from his fear-filled ocean blue eyes and pouring down his pale cheeks in rivers of silver that shone brightly in the moonlight. Inside a part of him was screaming to turn around and run back, to hurry home and fall into bed once more with his soldier so that no one would know of his betrayal. But that dark part of his mind which had led him astray before would not keep quiet and called out loudly that it was already too late. The wicked voice whispering words that cut deep as it told him that Zack would be awake by now, that the soldier would be wondering why the cadet's side of the bed was cold and empty, and that his love would have already guessed that Cloud had abandoned him again.

"No." The blonde croaked, practically choking on a sob as it followed the only word he could speak. "No." He repeated again almost defiantly, the pain he felt at the idea of losing Zack giving him strength to fight.

Anger burnt through him like wildfire and Cloud used it to fuel his movements, focused all the rage which was now aimed at himself for leaving the safety and comfort of the soldier's arms and began to run back to the tender embrace that he needed so much. Except, something was wrong.

Dry mud was now becoming wet and sticky so that it clung to his boots and slowed him down, the skies having suddenly clouded over and started to rain down tears from the heavens to match his own as they continued to fall down over heart-broken angelic features. Each step he took becoming harder and more difficult to take, his speed gradually falling to nothing as the very world itself seemed to turn against him.

"No." Cloud choked out as he found himself unable to move any further forward, his feet now submerged to the ankle in a black tar like substance as the ground began to draw him in.

Panicking cobalt spheres flew up to the horizon, the fathomless blue depths searching desperately for hope and salvation. But Midgar was miles away in the distance, the plate and surrounding city nothing more than a dark outline against the backdrop of a lightning filled sky. And that, well that was more wrong than Cloud could imagine. After all, he hadn't run that far. Or had he?

Fear gripped Cloud harder than any other emotion possibly could, his terror filled eyes widening as he realised just how badly he had screwed up and that no one was here to help him and that, once again, he was very much alone. Dread raced through his veins as he felt himself begin to sink even further into the wet mud, the dark brown sludge pulling him under bit by bit so that there would be no escape. There was no way to get out of this, no way to get back to Zack and say he was sorry, no way to undo all the wrongs which still needed to be put right.

Cloud screamed for as long and as loud as his body would let him, the air he needed to breathe barely making it into his burning lungs as he continued to cry out for the mistakes he'd made and would never be able to make up for. He wanted his life with Zack back, wanted to be held and loved and cherished. He needed to be with his boyfriend and not here where the world was cold and cruel and trying to kill him. He struggled and fought as the ground continued to swallow him up, as the darkness swirled around his despairing form consuming him both mentally and physically as it buried him alive beneath a storm filled sky. He shouldn't have run even though the night had called to him, shouldn't have listened when the darkness spoke to him just as Reno had warned him. But it was too late to take that back now, too late to undo the damage which had been done.

Darkness and despair had a grip on Cloud that could not be undone, their icy claws digging into his flesh and spreading a cold through his bones which froze his blood. He couldn't move, couldn't get anyway, and the very earth he had walked on only moments ago was now trying to bury him alive. With nothing but fear and panic coursing through him the blonde continued to scream for help, even as the darkness pulled him under and into its embrace where no one would ever be able to find him again.

…

…

"Gaia damn it Cloud, wake up!" Reno shouted, his voice cracking as the blonde's never-ending terror filled cries made his own shaken emotions start to spiral out of control.

It was just after two in the morning, a time when any sane person was asleep, unless they had a job to do, and he'd been dead to the world in the room next door until the cadet's alarmed shouts had woken him. He'd faltered for a moment as his consciousness had drifted fuzzily someone just beyond the realms of sleep, his rational mind taking a painstakingly long few seconds before realising what he was hearing and the Turk had leapt from his bed and made a mad dash to the place in his apartment which Cloud was currently occupying.

His trembling hands had thrown the guest bedroom door open wide to reveal the outline of a knotted bundle of sheets wrapped tightly around a twisting and flailing form, the restraining mass of fabric keeping the poor cadet immobilised even as he struggled to break free and probably making the nightmare he was clearly experiencing even worse.

Not hesitating any longer Reno had thrown himself towards the bed and quickly begun digging at the edges of the blankets he could reach to start pulling Cloud free, had broken two nails in the processes of pulling one corner away only to be met by more twisted layers beneath. His heart having begun to race widely within his chest as the young blonde's sounds of distress had become more frightened and pain-filled with each passing second. With a desperate tug he wrenched the lose corner out further and managed to free the cadet's left arm, the limb instantly swinging out and latching onto his shoulder for dear life.

Biting back the cry of pain that wanted to escape him at Cloud's strong hold on his shoulder Reno struggled to get the cadet's other arm free, his right shoulder protesting the death like grip that was now being exerted on it as the cadet held on to him as if he were a life line to the blonde even in his sleep. A few more violet pulls and the remaining tangled sheets gave way and Cloud's upper body was unbound, the lose bedding quickly slipping all the way down the cadet's body so that it allowed his legs to break free as well. Yet, even with his self-created confinement gone the blonde didn't calm down, his lithe body continuing to twist and turn in clearly panicked, desperate attempts to get away from something as his mind remained trapped in the nightmare consuming him.

"Shit." The Turk swore in a heart-felt way, his own body now starting to hyperventilate a little as he frantically tried to work out what to do. "Come on Kid, you gotta wake up." He half pleaded, half ordered, as the frightened screams began make his ears ring and his head hurt.

But Cloud was unable to hear him and it was perhaps a blessing, or a curse, that when his sounds of torment did start to die down it was because he'd ripped the lining of his throat raw in the process. The heart-broken whimpers and pitiful words of protest which continued to escape him making the distressed noises from before even more painful to bear. With no other choice, and apparently no way of waking the cadet with his voice, Reno resorted to something he'd personally sworn he'd never do to another person. Unless absolutely necessary.

"I'm sorry." He breathed regretfully, before using one hand to grab the front of Cloud's nightshirt and hoist the blonde into a semi-sitting position then the other to slap the cadet across the face.

The smack of flesh upon flesh was distinctive as it echoed for a moment in the air around them, the sound being one Reno knew he wouldn't be able to forget for a while. And then his sea-green eyes saw the evidence of what he'd done on Cloud's tear stained check, the already damp pink surface now blossoming into a bright red handprint shape on one side. The dark crimson outline standing out in stark contrast to his otherwise pale features and looking even more painful than he'd meant t to be. Yet, it wasn't this sight which turned the red head's stomach as he continued to watch the blonde, his insides twisting as ocean blue orbs finally fluttered open and their pained depths became clear for him to see into properly.

Silence hung between them for what felt like a lifetime, but was in fact only a minute, as Cloud slowly took in the world around him. His dazed, confused and terror filled expression melting way to one of guilt, uncertainty and unquestionable relief.

"Cloud?" Reno asked carefully, not knowing what was now going on inside the cadet's head and hoping that just hearing his name would encourage the blonde to answer with some hint of what he was currently thinking.

"Reno?" Cloud managed breathlessly, his voice so faint and small that it made the Turk's chest feel tight.

"Yea kid, it's me." He whispered back just as softly, his voice remaining low and gentle as he spoke. "I'm right here."

"Where … are we?" The cadet managed, though it was clear the question pained him as much as he wanted to ask it.

"We're at my place." The red head replied carefully, unsure of how his answer would be taken. "You're crashing with me till Zack gets back. Remember?"

"Then I … I didn't … I …"

But whatever Cloud wanted to say he couldn't find the words, or at least he was afraid to let them be heard, and his voice fell away to almost inaudible choked breaths and barley muted whimpers as he wrapped his arms around the Turk's athletic body and buried his head against Reno's chest. The evidence of the cadet's unspoken fears easily being felt by the red head as the t-shirt he'd worn to bed soaked up the tears which once again began to fall freely from the silently sobbing blonde in his arms.

Time passed by slowly but neither of them moved to interrupt the quiet which had settled around them, as one gave the comfort which was clearly needed and the other took what was given without hesitation or restraint. The very open show of trust which Cloud was now displaying, in letting Reno hold and protect him like this, in this moment of vulnerability and weakness, not being missed by the red head for its true value.

Eventually though the hushed muffled crying seemed to stop and the shaking of the blonde's body had reduced to that of a slight tremble, which continued to work its way through his lithe frame. Not knowing if it was the right thing to do, but trusting his instincts that it was, Reno slowly put some distance between them by gently easing Cloud out of the embrace that had formed between them so that they could speak to each other more easily.

"I'm not going to push you about this." The red head began, knowing full well that if he did he could undo all the progress which this one moment between them had indirectly created. "But it might help if you talked about it."

Sadly Reno wasn't surprise when Cloud only tipped his head even further down and looked firmly at the space between them, a slightly movement of sweat dampened blonde hair showing that he was shaking his head in silent protest of the idea. What did catch him off guard though was when the cadet's body suddenly stilled and watery blue orbs glanced up at him uncertainly. The shimmering azure spheres flickering with something thoughtful, and clearly scared, before golden spikes drifted once more and this time the head bobbed slowly in agreement.

"O…K." Reno replied, not really knowing what else to say, his mind suddenly swimming with uncertainty as to how the conversation was supposed to go from this point forward.

"I…" Cloud began, before the red head could find his own words to fill the silent tension which now existed around them. "I was … running." He tried to explain, his poor voice sounding strained from his earlier screaming and notably thick from the tears which still seemed to linger ready to fall again at any minute.

"Running where?" The Turk enquired calmly, his own tone trying to remain as soothing as the gentle caresses he was administering to Cloud's body. His hand having begun to rub slow comforting circles along the blonde's back in a way that he hoped would be helpful in getting the still shaken cadet to relax a little more as they talked.

"I ... I'm not sure." Cloud whispered uncertainly, though it appeared he was telling the truth based on the way he seemed to be confused by this point. "Somewhere just … just outside Midgar." He offered weakly, the mere act of remembering this part of his dream making him shudder and lean forward into Reno's arms once more.

"Was it somewhere you've been before?"

It was a sensible question considering Cloud hadn't really had a chance to visit the areas beyond ShinRa's base within Midgar since he'd become a cadet. The rigorous training those boys went through, plus Cloud's own determination to work hard, meaning that there would have been little to no time to go down to the slums let alone to the wilderness beyond the city walls.

"Maybe when I … I came here." The blonde suggested, his voice still sounding abused though he made no sign of letting it stop the words which were now passing between them. "I could see … I saw it … in the distance." He sighed, unable to explain any better than that.

"Were you running towards it or away from it?"

A part of Reno didn't want to ask this particular question, but something told him he needed to. The same something which seemed to take notice when the cadet in his arms tensed all over again and a muffled whimper was heard against his chest.

"Both." Cloud rasped, clearly upset by this fact.

"I know you're gonna hate me for his." Reno began, knowing that never were truer words spoken. "But I really need you to tell me what that nightmare was about."

"I ran from Zack."

Reno didn't let the curses which suddenly filled his mind have a voice, didn't dare give them the freedom to be spoken, as he bit his cheek and waited for the rest of Cloud's explanation to be heard.

"I don't even know why." The cadet practically wailed in despair, his strained voice making the choked up words sound even more pained by the confession. "I just … wanted to run, to be … free, but then …" He managed to force out between small stuttered breaths, the uncertain tone he spoke with revealing that Cloud was just as confused by it all as Reno himself was becoming.

"But then?" The Turk coaxed gently, his comforting touches never faltering as he continued to hold the blonde close.

"I knew it … it was wrong, to run from him, and I … I turned back. But I … but it …"

The red head waited quietly this time, patiently giving Cloud a few seconds to pull himself together. He knew that this time the cadet hadn't paused out of fear of his own words but because his throat had closed up on him, understood that the emotions still flowing through the blonde were making his words even more uncomfortable and choked up as he tried to speak.

"When I … tried to get back … I … I couldn't." Cloud finally stuttered, his heart-ache at such a thing evident in his tight voice.

"Can I ask why?"

Reno cursed himself even as he asked, knowing that he was now pushing his luck as he felt Cloud start to tense all over again.

"It was … Midgar was … too far. I … I'd run too far." The cadet stammered, his unprompted willingness to explain helping to ease a little of the guilt now weighing down on the Turk at pushing for answers when he'd said he wouldn't. "And then the … the ground. It … I got stuck … it wouldn't let me go."

Ok, that part wasn't good the red head thought as his brow furrowed in concern. Cloud's words continuing to come out broken and pained as he tried to give the information Reno had asked for, as he tried to meet the terms of their agreement and share his problems with the Turk instead of bottling them up and running away from it all.

"The ground was …wet … and muddy. But it was more than that." The cadet tried to justify, the tremble which had never really left him now picking up again. "It pulled me under, wouldn't let me go, and didn't want me to get back."

Reno didn't know what to say, what words of comfort to give now, especially when that part of Cloud's dream was freaking him out and he hadn't even been the one to experience it. The idea of being pulled down by something you couldn't fight, to be buried alive beneath the earth and feel it consuming you with no way of escape. It was every person's worst nightmare, to be buried alive, and now he understood why the blonde had been screaming so loudly and with such fear and panic.

"I think that would freak me out too." He finally offered, needing to break the uncomfortable silence which had stretched out between them. "I mean, who wouldn't be terrified by that?"

"Do you believe that … that dreams mean something?" Cloud managed, his voice barley a whisper, his hesitantly asked question cracking in the middle and showing his uncertainty in giving it a voice.

"I think that sometimes they're just our minds trying to sort through a load of stuff and short circuiting a bit." The red head proposed carefully, unsure now whether his answer would be helpful of not. "Sometimes they're the things we want and hope for, the things we strive to achieve and look forward to in our futures." He suggested as tactfully as possible, his words continuing when no audible protests were made. "And sometimes I think that they're the guilt we feel for the things we've done, our brains unable to keep it all safely tucked away and some of it slipping free to mix with our dreams so that we end up dealing with it subconsciously."

"So me running and not being able to come back." Cloud hesitated to say, the unspoken question coming through loud and clear for the Turk to hear.

"I'd say your guilt at that got a little mixed up with your fear of hurting Zack again." Reno confirmed, the straightening of the cadet's body in his arms signalling that Cloud was about to pull away.

"And me being … pulled under … like that?" The blonde began as he put some distance between them just as the red head had predicted he would.

"I'm not sure." Reno admitted with a slight shrug, his athletic frame moving back to give Cloud the room he was clearly in need of now as they talked. "Maybe it's your fear of not being able to come back if you do it again, or that whatever makes you run away the next time won't let you come back."

"You mean … I … that I'll be …"

"It was just a dream, alright?" Reno quickly cut in, not really liking where Cloud's train of thought was now going. "A mixture of things that have been, and that you feel, coming together in one really fucked up nightmare."

He watched as the blonde nodded in silent agreement, those Gaia dammed expressive sapphire eyes filled with fare to much contemplation for someone who was supposed to be letting it go.

"Cloud?" The red head whispered softly, his hand reaching up to rest gently on the blonde's shoulder and squeeze it reassuringly. His next words waiting until a pair of glistening ocean blue eyes finally looked up and met his concerned sea-green ones. "I know this has freaked you out, but you need to remember that it was just a dream. A really shitty dream mind you, but still just a dream."

"I know." The cadet whispered hoarsely, his ruined throat once again making itself known to them both. "But it felt so real."

"Tell you what." Reno began, already rising to his feet and beginning to pull the cadet free from his remaining covers as he did so. "Your voice sounds like you've been swallowing glass and I could use a drink, so how about we grab a cup of hot chocolate and try to find something to watch while we chill out a bit?" He proposed calmly, as he practically dragged the cadet into the living room and deposited him on the nearest sofa to the kitchen area.

"But it's late and … and your probably tired and I … I've woken you up and … and all this and ... and I'm sorry… I'm so sorry." Cloud stammered to apologise, as he realised just what time it was by looking at the clock which hung on the wall beside them and a fresh wave of guilt flowed through him.

"Hush." The red head replied with friendly chastisement as he set to work preparing their drinks. "I want hot chocolate and this is as good of an excuse as any." He stated firmly, though both knew he was just saying it to be kind.

Cloud didn't objection the words though, couldn't argue them even if he'd wanted to, and it had nothing to do with the fact his throat was hurting so much. What silenced the blonde's possible protests was the mix of emotions he saw within aqua coloured orbs, the need for Reno to do this to help calm them both coming through loud and clear.

Silently the blonde nodded in agreement and without another word waited for the warm drinks to be made, his quiet acceptance of the situation not alleviating Reno's concerns completely, but at least giving him a chance to try and rectify the problem in some small way. They didn't talk about the dream any more after that, for which both were silently grateful. Cloud more so because it meant he could push it aside and try to ignore how it made him feel, whereas Reno was simply relieved that he didn't have to try and explain something he didn't really understand in the first place. And in the end they drifted off to sleep in their respective chairs within the living room, neither having found the energy to return to their beds once the hot chocolate had worked its magic nor willing to be out of sight of the other just in case the nightmare returned.

When the sun finally rose later that morning the blonde and red head continued to sleep on, each so lost to a deep sleep that they didn't hear the alarms going off in their respective rooms signalling the start of the day. And so it was Cissnei who found them still curled up asleep in their nightwear when she'd been sent to find them by Tseng, her smile being soft and silently understanding as she waited for them to get dressed and ready for the planned morning ahead. The look she gave Reno letting him know that while she had questions, that would be answered no matter what, she would not ask him in front of Cloud. And for that the red head was more than grateful.


	71. Chapter 71: Revelations and intrigue

I'm cringing at how long its been since I update this. I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. There's just been so much going on the last couple of months with work and stuff. I hate not having time to focus on my writing as much as I used to.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Revelations and intrigue

After a night of broken sleep and terror filled dreams it was no wonder that Cloud wasn't exactly at his best when trying to concentrate on what he was being shown. His tired blue eyes sometimes becoming unfocused, or simply glazed over with fatigue, as Cissnei tried to explain the basics of computer hacking to him. In truth the problem wasn't so much what he was being taught, well not exactly, but more to do with how hot the room they were working in had become. There was just something about sitting in a warm room, while someone droned on about something only vaguely interesting, that made you feel incredibly drowsy. The monotone voice being used, rambling on in a way that could easily put even the most dedicated person to sleep after a while.

Reno, on the other hand, was sort of enjoying the way his morning was going. Sure he was still a little groggy but coffee, really strong coffee, like three shots of espresso and melt the spoon kind of strong, had taken the edge off the worst of it and now he was actually buzzing a little from his caffeine induced high. Really Cloud should have had some as well, but the blonde had politely declined the offer saying he was already feeling tense and that the added boost would probably make it worse. It had been kind of nice to hear him admit to such a thing, a sort of opening up in his defences to show that he wasn't going back on what had been discussed and that he wasn't going to hide from them anymore. Of course, if he didn't start paying attention he might want to hide from one of them because falling asleep on Cissnei was almost unforgivable. And painful, if Reno recalled that day correctly. Although, the head injury he sustained might have been the reason why he couldn't actually remember that time so well.

As if to interrupt his wandering thoughts, and reinforce them in some way, a small surprised squawk was suddenly heard nearby and drew the red head's attention immediately. The slightly wider sky blue eyes and gaping mouth of the cadet beside him making Reno smirk a little despite himself.

"What the hell was that for?" Cloud demanded, his initial shock of the situation now replaced by annoyance as he gingerly rubbed the back of his head.

"You were falling asleep." Cissnei started firmly, her stance and expression portraying that of a pissed of instructor. "No one falls asleep on me when I'm giving a lesson."

"It's true." Reno added in support of her statement, the cheeky grin which now adored his features showing a man who had not regret for having done it once before himself. "Just be grateful that your walking away from it Blondie. Some of us weren't so lucky."

"And some don't learn from it either." The brunette growled softly, the unspoken threat very clear though her hazel coloured eyes now flickered with a teasing playfulness rather than genuine anger.

"I'm sorry." The cadet whispered, his head having ducked down so that ocean blue orbs missed the change in the looks being shared by the suited people beside him. "I didn't mean to be rude." He tried to explain, his voice barley audible above the gentle hum of the computer they were using.

For a moment neither Turk spoke, though it was clear that both were unhappy with the sudden change in behaviour from the blonde currently sitting between them. The previously confident young man, who had only just bitten the brunette's head off for cuffing the back of his head, suddenly reverting back to a very unsure cadet again.

"It's alright." Reno spoke up first, his words coming out only a second before Cissnei's had begun to form. "I mean, at least you're only fazing in and out." He added with a chuckle of amusement as he reflected on his own experiences. "I actually did fall asleep and still have the scars to prove it."

"Really?" Cloud asked in mild disbelief, his curiosity getting the better of his worries about upsetting them so that he once again faced them while he spoke.

"Yep." Reno replied cheerfully, his overly pleased expression confusing the blonde even more and making the female Turk in their company shake her head and sigh in exasperation.

"It wasn't that bad." Cissnei tried to defend herself weakly, the looks which were currently being shared between the pair instantly letting Cloud know there was definitely more to it

"What … happened?" The blonde ventured to ask, his intrigue more than just a little peeked by the silent conversation he could see going on between the two people beside him.

"I'd been on a mission, an all nighter, so was dead tired." Reno began, another huff from Cissnei interrupting his explanation though the woman herself said nothing else on the matter. "Anyway …" The red head continued, a knowing look already passing between them both once more. "…Cissnei here needed some help with some newbie's being trained and even though I was practically a walking corpse, they assigned me to assist."

"I'd have had more luck with a corpse." The brunette grumbled, though the heat in her words as also coated in barley restrained amusement.

"Yea, you probably would have." Reno happily agreed, the humour filled snort he received in response showing that there weren't really any bad feelings about what had happened between them.

Anyway…" Cissnei continued for him, the obvious smirk she was desperately trying to ignore in fact making her own lips twitch up at the edges. "Mister 'can't take anything seriously' here, managed to stay awake for a whole two minutes after we started."

"I resent that." Reno interrupted, with a dramatised act of being insulted. "I lasted at least five minutes before giving up."

"And he wonders why he can't hold onto a decent relationship." Cissnei teased. Her playful bite making sea-green eyes pop out of their sockets, while a mixed gasp of shock and amusement could be heard escaping Cloud's mouth even as he hurried to contain it.

"And concussing the men who fall asleep on you, isn't exactly a relationship builder." Reno snipped back, his grin now reaching from ear to ear as a devil's gleam filled his aqua coloured orbs.

"Are we bickering again children?" Tseng's voice cut in before the brunette's reply could be given a voice, the commanding tone drawing the attention of all three instantly.

"Hey Boss man." Reno greeted the head Turk cheerfully, his relaxed pose on the reclined chair not even budging an inch as he spoke. "What can we do for you this fine morning?"

"On this occasion, I believe it is more about what I can do for you." Tseng replied calmly, a twinkle in his eye not being missed by a now distracted and very curious pair of Turks.

"You got a treat for us?" The red head joked carefully, not really sure what the man was up to but even more intrigued by the small upward curve his saw on normally publicly stoic lips.

"I have just received confirmation that Angeal's team have achieved their objective." The head Turk informed them, all three suited figures instantly noticing how the blonde in their company suddenly sat up and started paying closer attention to what was being said.

"Does this mean they'll be returning to base soon?" Cissnei asked for the cadet, each one knowing that this was now the only thing Cloud was interested in.

"Indeed." Tseng confirmed happily, a slight chuckle escaping him as a brilliant smile appeared on soft pink lips and sky blues spheres began to shine brightly. "They are packing up now and should be arriving back to base just before supper."

"Hear that Blondie, your boy's gonna be home in time for dinner." Reno called out cheerfully, the delightful blush which rose on the cadet's cheeks not being missed by any of them even as he looked down to hide it. The sight of such easily displayed emotions quickly drawing more pleased smiles from the people around him, while also helping to confirm the things they already knew to be true.

"Is that all sir? Or did you have something else to inform us?" The brunette enquired, the ducked head of golden hair beside her tipping back a little as she spoke. Curious ocean coloured orbs once again making themselves visible beneath blonde bangs and showing that Cloud was still focused on what was being discussed, even if he still didn't feel confident joining in.

"Actually I do have a little something." Tseng offered casually, his eyes turning to the cadet himself now as he continued to speak. "Zack has sent you a message, in advance of his return, in the form of a restricted file." The head Turk began to explain. The rush of excitement he saw in azure orbs not being a surprise considering how the cadet clearly felt for the soldier, nor was the flickering of uncertainty and worry which followed as the blonde began to see the catch to his precious gift from the soldier.

"Any particular reason why Zack would do that, Sir?" Reno asked on the blonde's behalf, knowing that there was more too it and deciding that the he didn't really like the unsettled look which had formed on Cloud's delicate features.

"I might have mentioned what you and Cissnei were training Cloud on this morning when Angeal called." Tseng responded offhandedly, the act he was putting on not fooling his ex-pupil for a moment.

"How thoughtful of you." The red head sighed, his legs dropping down from their stretched out placement on the table to land softly on the floor so that he could turn to face the man properly as they talked. "And would it have been his idea, or yours, that Zack's message get encrypted?"

"I believe it was a joint venture." Tseng replied lightly, the teasing look in his eye showing that while it was probably a little unfair for the cadet it was also necessary.

And though Reno hated to admit his old mentor was right, he knew he was. Knew that Cloud had been sucking badly at the task Cissnei had set all morning, a first if he was honest about their time training together, and that this incentive might be enough to push the blonde into completing his assignment for the day.

"Any chance we can get a clue to help us track down this encoded message and translate it?" The fiery haired Turk questioned with an exaggerated sigh, his sea-green orbs twinkling with a small amount of pleasure at the challenge. Even if it was technically Cloud's to undertake.

"Think top level clearance and then important dates." Was all Tseng was willing to give them, his finally words being the last they would get from him as he left the room before any of them could speak again.

"Top level." Cissnei groaned, her head falling into an open palm as she slumped a little on the table. "He doesn't make this easy does he?" She sighed, her hazel spheres moving to look over at both blonde and red head beside her.

"Don't tell me you're worried?" Reno chuckled with amusement, his own heart now racing with excitement at the chance to have some fun with what was essentially a boring task. Well, at least it was when your life didn't depend on it, or you were finding out something juicy about someone else.

"I'm going to need dates to start the decoding, so start thinking of important occasions to begin with. We can work on anything not specific to us or Zack after we've eliminated the obvious ones first." Cloud's voice commanded them, the unexpected serious tone drawing both Turk's attention immediately.

For a moment neither Reno nor Cissnei were able to talk, let alone blink, as the previously half asleep cadet came to life in front of them. No longer were his eyes glazed or fogging over with sleep, but in fact crystal clear like a cool mountain stream. His back was now straight and his expression determined, slim fingers already moving purposefully over the keyboard beneath them as screen after screen popped up and information was typed in. Already the blonde had begun a search parameter, using a specified date and a time window to begin a search for all incoming transmissions that morning, the information which flashed up on the display showing that he was also sorting them into levels of clearance and priority.

"Holy shit." Reno breathed, his wider than normal turquoise eyes going to the women beside him whose light brown orbs now probably matched his own in size and shape as they watched the cadet work.

"You were paying attention after all." Cissnei breathed, a joyful smile having formed on her lips.

"Sort of." Cloud replied with a shrug, his attention too focused on the windows in front of him to actually look at them while he spoke. "I sort of knew this stuff already." He admitted awkwardly, his darker blue eyes revealing a hint of guilt at not informing them sooner, for leading them along with the charade of teaching him, and also the worry of confessing to what he'd already learnt a skill for.

"So…" Reno practically purred, fully enjoying the turn of events and discovering this little gem of information. "… how long you been playing where you shouldn't be?"

"I invoke my right not to answer that." The cadet stated back firmly, a slight twitch of his lips in an upward curve letting both Turks know it had probably been a while.

"Did I even need to teach you this stuff?" Cissnei sighed, her head now falling limply onto folded arms as she slumped onto the table in a way which screamed defeated. Much to Reno's continuing pleasure.

"Sorry." Cloud managed, his gaze flicking up to her for a moment to show that his apology was genuinely felt. "I just didn't want you spoil your fun." And then his head was back down again and his mind set on the task at hand. His simple reply, and perhaps teasing one at that, being the last thing he said as Reno burst into fits of laughter.

The sound of the red head's joyous mirth continuing, even after Cissnei had pushed him off his chair and he'd landed in a heap on his arse at their feet.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

To say that Reno and Cissnei were surprised by Cloud's knowledge of the ShinRa computer systems would have been an understatement, the ease at which he began to access and browse certain areas quickly telling both Turks that the blonde had definitely done this sort of thing before on more than one occasion. And that in itself was the problem.

No cadet should have been able to work the system so efficiently, especially not the soldier data bases which the blonde and his peers weren't allowed to use yet due to their lower status. It was almost as if Cloud had been granted access by someone of higher authority, someone who would definitely get into a shit heap of trouble for such a security breach.

And while the brunette and red head hated to consider the implications of Cloud's newly demonstrated skills, especially if the only soldier they could think of was involved, they also understood that it was better to ask questions now then face the consequences later.

"Cloud…" Reno began, his sea-green eyes turning away from the worried hazel ones they had been connected too as he focused on the blonde properly.

"Yea." The cadet replied almost instinctively, his own sapphire orbs not once flickering away from the screen he was currently skimming over.

"Not that I'm not impressed by what you're doing …" The red head began. His voice faltering as he found himself unsure how to ask what he needed to know, but was actually afraid to hear. "But how the hell did you learn to do it?"

There, that was simple. Or not. Based on how Cloud's fingers had suddenly stilled on the keyboard.

For a moment it was as if none of them dared to breathe, the only sound to fill the void being that of the clock which hung on the wall across the other side of the room. Several soft ticks counted the seconds as both Turk's waited for the cadet to say something, the tension within his supple frame showing of more than just unease at answering the question. In fact, if both could read the blonde correctly, he was now just as afraid to say what they wanted him to as they were to hear it.

"It wasn't Zack." Cloud stated firmly after a moment, the three words being quickly followed by two distinctive sighs of relief from the suited figures on either side of him.

"Then can I ask who it was?" The red head probed gently. Because if it wasn't Zack, then someone else had royally screwed up. After all, it was one thing for the love-stuck soldier to let Cloud have access but another completely if some total stranger had let it happen.

"It … I'm not sure … exactly …" The cadet mumbled, the words he spoke not being a completely lie but also not the whole truth.

"It's important that we known Cloud." Cissnei began, her hand moving to gently rest on a faintly trembling shoulder and squeeze it reassuringly. "If someone left this information lying around who knows who else could have seen it."

"It wasn't .. I mean .. he …" The blonde tried to explain, his voice faltering as he tried to find the right thing to say.

"Just start with the simple stuff." Reno suggested helpfully, his hand now replacing Cissnei's on the cadet's body as he too offered comfort and support with non-verbal communication. "Like when you first started to do this sort of thing."

"I guess it was about six months ago." Cloud admitted softly, his nervous and uncertain tone very clear to hear. "I was in the library one night … studying."

Both Turk's shared a glance at that, the slight crack in the cadet's voice before he'd said studying showing that it wasn't the real reason the blonde had been there. It didn't take much for them to consider other reasons why he'd been there, why the young man might have felt more comfortable amongst the rows and rows of books than in his own barracks. Neither said anything about it though, each feeling uncomfortable with the thoughts now flowing through their heads and not wanting to have their worries confirmed by Cloud in that moment. And beside, that time was over now. They didn't have to think about back then when the cadet was alone amongst his peers and suffering, especially when it wasn't likely to happen again anytime soon with him now living with Zack.

"Go on." Cissnei encouraged, her gentle manor visibly helping the blonde to relax a little more as he began to speak again.

"I ... had a report to re-d … to do. It was … too noisy, in the barracks, so I went there."

Again sea-green and hazel orbs meet and confirmed what the other was thinking, Cloud's words changing at the last second showing he was still hiding things from them and that the excuse he was giving was only partially true. No doubt the cadet was actually re-doing an assignment based on that slip, which meant someone had either stolen or wrecked his original one, and the justification of the barracks being too noisy was probably questionable as well. Again, neither dug deeper into what had or, in this case, had not been said.

"Did you get it done?" Reno asked, hoping that the slight distraction of topic would help Cloud to feel a little more at ease.

"Yea, I did."

The brunette smiled warmly as she and the red head shared another look, the slightly happier sigh which had followed the blonde's words making her realise just how tense the cadet really was and how careful they were going to have to be as they continued to question him.

"What was it about? The assignment I mean."

"It was a history essay." Cloud replied calmly, the change in focus of their discussion making it easier for him to give the answers they wanted. "Some reflection piece on a battle of some kind, I don't really remember which one anymore."

Reno could believe that. He'd could still remember all the worthless facts that had been drilled into him while training, especially the history of ShinRa and its conquering of the world. He knew now that half of it was utter bullshit, the truth being a lot darker and seedy than the cadets were taught. After all, they couldn't have the young boys dreaming of death and brutality when everyone knew they enlisted to be mini Sephiroth's and heroes of Gaia. Couldn't have the soldier wannab's finding out the truth until it was too late to pull out and ShinRa actually had its claws in them.

So caught up in his own internal musings, and touch of bitter resentment at the life he now lived, Reno didn't realise that he'd sighed out loud. Not until he got kicked in the shine and looked up into annoyed light brown orbs did he realise that the disappointed and frustrated sound he'd let slip had been taken in the wrong way by the cadet beside him.

"Sorry Blondie, just thinking about my own days as a cadet." The red head offered with an apologetic shrug at the clearly withdrawn boy beside him. The cautious and slightly guarded look currently being aimed at him not being one he was happy to see, nor pleased to know he'd indirectly put there.

"I'm surprised you can remember any of that time, considering how much you drank back then." Cissnei cut in her. Her bit being more to do with her irritation at him wrecking Cloud's improved state than drifting off into his own thoughts.

"That was the point." Reno snapped back, the hurt of remembering such things making it hard to contain the emotions which were starting to swell up within him. "I drank to forget."

"Why?" Cloud interrupted, before Cissnei could respond. His unexpected question, and the feelings associated with it, catching both Turk's by surprise.

"Why what?" The red head asked while trying to calm himself so that his building anger wouldn't be vented on the wrong person.

"Why did you drink to forget?" The blonde questioned uncertainly, his confused sapphire spheres filled with the need to understand.

"You remember what I said before about our past teaching us things? About how the lessons were learn in life guide what we do and who we become?" Reno sighed, his face turning away so that the other two wouldn't see the emotions he knew were now starting to leak from him.

"Yes." A soft breath whispered in acknowledgement, a slight pause following before the red head continued.

"Well, I … I learnt a lot, as a ki … as a cadet."

Another pause and then a deep steadying breath was heard as Reno gathered himself, as sea-green orbs became hidden by closed eyes lids and he stopped looking at them while he spoke. The red head certain that if he let himself acknowledge their presence, and perhaps their sympathy, he wouldn't be able to talk about the things Cloud clearly wanted an answer too.

"I didn't have the best childhood and coming here was supposed to change that, make it better somehow. But I guess you guys know what I mean."

Cloud and Cissnei said nothing as a few seconds of silence passed between them all. How could they? Hadn't their reasons for joining ShinRa indeed been similar to the red head's, though in very different ways to each others? Also the pair were certain that to speak now would only interrupt Reno and possible ruin the confidence he had in letting so much slip.

"It was ok at first, something new and exciting." The red head began, his shoulders shrugging in a sad way as he continued to speak about his past. "But then … well … life really sucks when the magic wears off."

"Reno it's …" Cissnei tried to interrupt, her mind already warning her about what the red head was going to say and her heart wanting to protect her friend from the pain it was clearly causing him. Even if he wouldn't admit it out loud.

"It's ok, I said I'd talk about this stuff with him."

Cloud didn't make a sound to acknowledge he'd heard the words spoken, but couldn't stop a look of guilt from showing on his angelic features when the brunette glared meaningfully at him. Both of them knowing that this discomfort was indirectly being caused by him and that it shouldn't be necessary right now, if at all.

"You can stop giving him the evil eye Ciss." Reno chuckled, the slightly amused tone making both pairs of brown and blue eyes snap back to him once more. "I'm not going to spill my guts right now, but he does have a right to know eventually."

"You don't have to tell me anything." Cloud offered, his voice once again barely a whisper so as not to upset or offend anyone.

"Sure I do." The red head replied with another soft laughter following it. "I promised to swap war stories with you and one day I will, but just not today."

The cadet simply nodded in silent acceptance of what had been said and waited patiently for Reno to continue, his sapphire orbs flickering momentarily to the female Turk beside him if only to see what she now thought of what was happening between them. Clearly Cissnei wasn't overly happy with seeing Reno looking so down, her worry for the other meaning that the concerned expression on her face was barley concealed and clear for everyone else to see.

"You already know that Zack and I got no end of grief with Tseng and Angeal as our mentors?" The red head asked unnecessarily, his wandering thoughts not even waiting for a response before they continued to pour from his mouth in a fountain of words. "Anyway, the long and short of it is that I started to drink to get through it. Even when Zack and I were teamed up, things still got too much. Actually, I'm not sure how many times solider boy saved my butt or dragged it back to his place to sober up."

"More than any of us care to remember." Cissnei added, though her stern disapproving tone was still tainted by her concern for the fiery haired Turk beside her.

"Yea, I know." Reno sighed, his sea-green eyes finally opening to look back at them. "And I'm sorry about it too, about all the grief I put you guys through over the years."

"Years?" Cloud murmured without thinking, his voice not being intentional spoken for them to hear but still loud enough that they caught it anyway.

"Yea, years." The red head huffed, a touch of regret to the words. "Even after Zack, Cissnei and Kunsel came into my life I would occasionally screw up."

"Why?" The cadet whispered just as softly and uncertain as before.

"Turk missions are … different … from soldier ones." Cissnei informed him carefully, hazel and turquoise spheres meeting in silent understanding about what could be said and how much they were allowed to reveal.

"Sometimes you have to do things which are … questionable, but can't be questioned." She tried to explain, her need for Cloud to just accept this and not ask for more information very clear for the blonde to see in her expression.

"You didn't like what you had to do?" The cadet guessed

"Sometimes we still don't. But it's who we are and what we're employed to do." Reno agreed with a twisted smile. One which showed a bizarre sort of amusement at having to undertake tasks which obviously upset him.

"Why don't you transfer?" Cloud asked in all innocence. His confusion only growing as the pair once again shared a knowing look between them.

"Turk's don't transfer and they don't retire." Cissnei informed him evenly, the lack of emotion making the statement so matter of fact it was almost scary.

Silence so thick it was like soup fell over them then, as each let themselves be carried away by their own thoughts about what had been said. For Reno and Cissnei it was nothing new to be consumed by, the semi-soul-destroying contemplation of their chosen vocation, and the requirements that went with it, meaning that they were already used to such negative feelings swimming within them. For the cadet however it was a startling surprise, his insides churning as he began to understand why the red head would turn to drink when all this pressure had been put on him.

Inside his head the blonde could easily recall his own horrendous childhood, the pain and humiliation which he'd tried to leave behind following him as easily as the prevailing winds which blew through the trees. He didn't know much about Reno's past, about the exact details of what had driven the red head to join ShinRa, but he could certainly guess when the other said they had a lot in common in this area of their lives. But what upset Cloud most was that, even with Zack and the others by his side, Reno had still suffered within himself. That, somewhere along the way, the fiery haired man beside him and nearly given up on himself just as Cloud had done all those weeks ago.

Sure their choice of death hadn't been the same, Reno's being a much longer and more painful process, but still it was there. One having taken a knife to his wrist to end the suffering in a quick and final act of surrender, while the other had slowly given up and let himself drown in the suffering all around him. Both weighed down by their torment of the world and the burdens which had been forced on their shoulders from such a young age.

Realisation and understanding dawned on Cloud like the rising sun, a glimmer of light in his mind brightening as more and more things began to make sense and the random pieces of things he knew about the red head finally began to click into place within him.

"I think I understand." The cadet spoke up, his soft voice being calm and somewhat relaxed as he broke the quite void which had formed around them. "And I'd .. I'd like to talk about it more, when you're ready too, but only if that's ok with you."

"Su … sure." Reno stammered, his surprise easy to see. "We can grab a drink and …"

" … swap war stories." Cloud finished for him, the small nervous smiles they shared showing that while the chat would be painful it would also be good for them both. After all, no one else would understand what they had been going through better than the other, not even Zack and Cissnei who had been there to help. Because, in the end, only someone who had been there and truly tried to end it all could really understand.

For a moment no one spoke and while the silence was not uncomfortable like last time it still made Cissnei feel uneasy, the understanding that she watched pass between blonde and red head making her insides feel more than just a little unsettled by the idea of what might be said or done next. It was therefore her voice which interrupted the quiet this time and drew their combined attention towards her, the gently spoken reminder about what they had originally been talking about quickly swapping one expression on the cadet's face for another.

"I don't know his name, or at least, he never told me it." Cloud sighed, accepting the fact that there were some things the pair needed to know because it was there job. "I was struggling to find the information, because the system had been locked down for the night for cadets."

Neither Reno nor Cissnei voiced the fact that such a thing was only done after curfew had been put into place, meaning that Cloud shouldn't have even been in the library at that time to begin with. But seeing as how he was now talking about it, if only a little reluctantly, they weren't about to interrupt him again.

"He was a soldier working on his own report, or more like finishing it off, and saw me getting … frustrated."

The brunette Turk had a feeling it would have been more than that to get a soldier to help a cadet with an assignment, especially one he didn't know or had any contact with. But again, she wasn't about to say what emotions she really suspected the blonde had been feeling or showing for others to pick up on.

"I guess he felt sorry for me." Cloud mumbled uncomfortably, confirming some of the young woman's suspicions. " Anyway, he offered me his computer terminal once he was done and asked me to make sure I logged off afterwards." The cadet continued without pause. "I guess I got curious once I was finished and had a look around the soldier data bases to kill some time."

Again there was that slip in what was being said, the accidental confession of Cloud not wanting to return to the cadet barracks and instead hiding out somewhere safe away from his peers. It wasn't a comforting thought for either brunette or red head to consider that the blonde had actually spent nights awake and studying in the library rather than sleeping in his bed. Even if it was a shitty standard issue slab of rock the army liked to call a bed. It also made the pair wonder what else Cloud had been up to those nights, where else he had trained or even slept just to avoid being around the other boys. Reno already knew of Cloud's night time adventures around the grounds of the base and now found himself wondering if there weren't other places, other than the library, the cadet had purposefully gone to so that he would be safely hidden away.

"I take it you made a note of his log in details and used them again." Cissnei asked, though it was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes." Cloud admitted uncomfortably, the truth clearly worrying him now that the pair were aware of it.

"I'm surprised no one picked up on it." Reno spoke up, the fact that it had gone on so long without being detected showing that more than just that soldier were to blame for letting such a security breach occur.

"Actually." The blonde murmured cautiously, his face turning away as he spoke. "I started to pick stuff up quite quickly and soon found other user names and codes to access the sites with. I wasn't stupid and made sure not to go beyond the limits of the security level I was using."

Ah, that would explain the lack of alarms going off Reno mused thoughtfully. Cleaver really, when you thought about it.

"After a while I found some … questionable log on details." Cloud confessed, a dry cough clearing his throat as he forced himself to admit something he was probably going to regret saying. "I think one or two were Turk based, the non traceable kind, because they got me into a lot more places than the soldier ones did."

When no angry words or accusations were thrown his way the cadet took a deep breath and carefully looked up to face the pair beside him, certain that his breach of their trust was about to come back and smack him in the face. Instead he was greeted by overly wide hazel and sea-green eyes, the shock of such an admission clear to see on both Turk's faces.

"Holly, shit." Reno swore softly after a moment.

"No kidding." Was Cissnei echoing words, her voice just as breathless as his.

"You seriously got your hands on Turk access codes?" The red head asked, knowing what he'd heard but wanting to hear it again just to be sure.

"Yes." Cloud replied hesitantly, his angelic face now a mixture of fear, confusion and a glimmer of hope because of the amused smiles currently present on the other twos faces.

"That's pretty ballsy." Reno chuckled, a highly entertained and somewhat proud look on his athletic features showing he was more than just a little impressed by the cadet's actions.

"Ya know, we would have capped ya for having that info back then?"

Big blue eyes and a loud reflexive gulp however showed that yes, Cloud had considered it, if only in the last few minutes in a more serious way. It also let the pair know that the cadet was now panicking that this fate might still be in store for him.

"Chill." The red head soothed, a rich warm laughter following his words as the blonde looked at him dubiously. "You're a Turk trainee so it's ok to have that kind of access … now."

There was no need to say more as he looked Cloud square in the eyes and emphasised the word now as it was spoken. The cadet nodding silently in complete understanding, knowing that he was never to admit to having these codes earlier, and that no one else was ever going to find out just how long he'd been playing in someone else's sand box so to speak.

"Perhaps we should concentrate on this task for a while and try to get it done before lunch." Cissnei proposed casually, her instant switch back to their assignment effectively ending the other conversation then and there.

"Sure." Reno chuckled again, watching as Cloud hesitated before continuing his search once more. "Although I think we're focusing in the wrong place with this search."

"What do you mean?" The brunette asked, the way the pair slipped so easily back into their earlier roles once again helping the cadet to feel more relaxed about being able to continue with what he'd previously been doing.

"Angeal would have Zack thinking that Cloud sucks at this, so he would have made it obvious for him to find."

"Maybe there's a clue in the subject titles." Cissnei offered helpfully, her index finger already tapping out an unconscious rhythm as she contemplated something else before speaking. "You know, he might have even sent the message to himself so that no one else would find it floating around."

"That's not a bad idea." The red head agreed joyfully, both Turk's now turning to the blonde in their company with equally amused gleams in their eyes.

"Try accessing Zack's emails." Cissnei began

"And look for any saved rather than sent messages from this morning." Reno finished, the combined power of their excitement overwhelming the cadet for a moment as he simply stared at them in shocked silence.

"Well …" A voice spoke up, encouraging him to do as he'd been told.

A moment later and trembling fingers were searching and locating Zack's personal email account. The codes Cloud entered quickly granting him access to the information in a way which was technically wrong. Well, actually, it was completely wrong and inappropriate. But seeing as he was meant to be finding the message any way possible it was ok, wasn't it?

Pushing that thought aside the cadet focused himself to look for anything that would stand out, his eyes scanning for any key words or numbers that would resemble something Tseng had hinted at or Cissnei had suggested. It didn't take long after that to find a saved copy of the message in one of Zack's personal folders, one which had evidently been made specifically for Cloud. Apparently the soldier had actually sent the message and it was indeed lost somewhere in the ether of the net, but here in his personal account was a saved copy almost waiting for the blonde to read it.

Cloud ignored the guilt at having invaded Zack's personal space to find his message, considering it wasn't quite the way he was suppose to find it, and he also tried really hard to ignore the other files saved in the folder which related to him. Except, now that he knew they were there, it was going to be hard to pretend he hadn't seen them and that curiosity wasn't burning and hole through his stomach. Still, with the soldier's message retrieved he could settle with that for now and smiled happily as he noted that the letters within the message had been replaced by numbers with his and Zack's birthdays acting as the key for the whole thing.

Two minutes later and Reno had helped Cloud to print the message off while Cissnei had gone to grab a pen to help the blonde decode the message, the smile which now shone on each of their faces showing that not only had the task been fun to do but had also been beneficial in a lot more ways than any of them had expected. It was only as Cloud was logging off however that his smile slipped a little, his eyes catching sight of one folder just before the screen switched to the confirmation display. The very clear and easily identifiable title 'Kyle' standing out as clear as day for him to see just before it was hidden from sight. In that moment the cadet was glad that both Turks were busy fetching the printout and necessary stationary across the other side of the room, because there was no way he would have been able to hide his shocked expression or slightly choked breath at seeing that name. Just as he knew that there would have been no way to hide the need which now flowed through him to find out what was contained within that folder as well as his own.


	72. Chapter 72: Coming home

Eeeep. A long delay I know but I do have a good reason. I have been job hunting for a while now and recently managed to get several interviews which unfortunately also needed prep time. It has sort of left me mentally drained and behind on my writing, but has turned out to be worth the effort as now I have a new job starting in October. As long as nothing goes wrong, fingers crossed.

Anyway, here it is. Enjoy.

* * *

Coming home

Zack couldn't believe how slowly the transport vehicle was moving, the miles seeming to pass by at a leisurely pace while the minutes and hours hurried along without pause. A quick glance at both the clock on the dashboard and the mile gauge showed that they were in fact making decent time for the distance being covered, but still it wasn't enough. His body almost screaming that it would be quicker to just get out and run back for Gaia's sake.

"Have patience Pup. We'll be back soon." Angeal's voice spoke softly, the soothing tone helping to calm the soldier's restlessness a little even as he blushed at the use of his old nick-name once more.

"Angeal." He whined playfully, the almost expected response making the older man smile fondly as it reinforced the mood he was trying to set. "Not in front of the guys."

Yes, just like old times Angeal mused thoughtfully. A brighter smile forming on his rugged features as Zack looked at him in a way that was both embarrassed but also proud of the alternative name.

"We've got at least two hours before the Compound comes into view." The commander pointed out, a flicker of something partially frustrated appearing in violet orbs before they looked way from him and towards the horizon once more.

"I know and I'm trying, I swear."

"I know you are pup, but watching the clock isn't going to make the time pass any quicker."

Sighing Zack shook his head and smiled at the words, his expression becoming tender and his voice dropping to almost a whisper as he spoke again.

"I miss him Angeal, like seriously miss him. It's driving me nuts knowing he's only a few hours away."

"I understand that Zack, I do." The commander replied, his words mimicking the soldier's volume in an attempt to give their conversation some measure of privacy when taking place amongst a group of mako enhanced men. "But you can't let it affect you like this."

This time when Zack sighed it sounded heavy-hearted and Angeal knew he was to blame for the sudden change in his puppy's mood. The calm he had hope to instil actually turning out to be like a bucket of cold water on the soldier's previously cheerful state of mind.

"Everything about him affects me Angeal, you know that." The raven haired teen replied neutrally, his previously bright violet eyes now saddened as they turned to look out the side window and silently signal the end of their conversation.

For a moment the commander couldn't breathe let alone speak, even if he'd wanted to, his heart skipping a beat as his brain kicked into overdrive and thoughts spiralled out of control within his head.

Gaia, when had that happened? When had Zack grown up to become so serious? When had his hyperactive, carefree pupil actually become tainted by things which could make him sound so sad? But deep down inside Angeal knew when it had started, understood that the hurt of losing someone you cared for dearly could create a wound that might never heal properly. He also realised that the damage that injury had caused would never truly be fixed, that there might always be a scar on the young soldier's heart which would never fade away. Except, maybe with Cloud.

Maybe with the blonde there was hope that Zack would be able to let go of that past hurt, maybe he would be able to finally move on and completely let go of the pain which still lingered. Maybe the soldier would stop carrying around a ghost of the only other person he'd felt this way for, of regrets only he knew or understood, and be able to let himself love again. Because wasn't that what Zack deserved, to be able to love freely and without fear of losing that. To care for another and know that those feelings were not only returned, but that he was needed just as much as he needed them. And Cloud did need him, the cadet so fragile in his own way that it was hard to believe he'd made it this far. Yet, within that same vulnerability was a core of strength that seemed to have become a pillar for Zack as well. Something which kept them both standing tall together, even when their emotional baggage weighed them down and tried to trip them along the way.

Unfortunately thoughts of the blonde quickly flashed through his mind and brought up other concerns which still troubled him, things that he hated to consider but found himself unable to ignore. It was no secret that for all his strengths the young man was unstable, his actions while they were away being proof enough of that, and worries about the cadet's current state of mind raised more red flags then the commander was willing to admit too. Inside his heart twisted as he considered the harm which could befall Zack if Cloud ended up breaking again, of the pain his pup would be forced to endure if the blonde snapped and did something drastic. The result of which would have Zack losing another loved one and probably pushing the soldier over the edge forever and changing him in a way that could never be reversed.

It had been painful to watch a part of who Zack was slip away after Kyle died, his young pupil's spirit seeming to fade away as if there wasn't a real reason for him to be happy anymore. Gaia bless Reno and the others for being there, for being the support his pup needed at such a heart-breaking time in his life. But now there was a chance of true happiness, in getting back all of the boy he'd lost, but only if things with Cloud worked out. And spirits curse him but he wanted his pup to be truly happy again, wanted the young man to finally be complete within himself once more, even if it was a risk to let it happen. After all, their relationship wasn't exactly the easiest one going.

Not only was there the difference in rank between them, there was also the issues relating to their mentorship status. No pupil and tutor were allowed to become involved, it just made things too complicated and blurred the boundaries of what was appropriate. There was also the matter relating to Cloud's mental health, one which had more shit attached to it than Angeal wanted to deal with right now. If the higher ups found out a mentor was having a relationship with his pupil, one who was currently living with him after a mental breaking down, and potential suicide attempt, it wasn't going to go down well.

Groaning softly to himself, and running a large calloused hand over his face, Angeal lent back and tried to clear his mind of everything. His body suddenly feeling much older than he really was due to the emotional mental baggage he was now placing upon himself. Surely there had to be an easy way to deal with this, a way that would make Cloud safe around others and within himself, a way to make the soldier beside him safe from persecution of abusing his mentor position, and a way to support their relationship so that both boys could be free to love each other without fear of separation or persecution from others.

The slight jostling to his left leg drew a weary brown eye down to one side to see what had bumped against him, the unconscious jerking of a puppy's right leg as it bounced lightly beside him bringing a warm smile to the commander's lips. At least some things never changed, even if the boy … no, the man himself was growing up. Closing his eyes Angeal relaxed back and let the sway of the truck carry him away, the comforting feel of Zack's toned thigh bumping restlessly against him soothing the ache which had begun to form and letting him know that somehow they would make sure everything turned out alright. Whatever the cost.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Back at the compound Cloud was equally fixated on the time as he fired another round of bullets at the target in front of him, his mind once again only half focused on the task at hand due to his wandering thoughts.

It hadn't taken long to decode the message, the numbers and letters being transcribed easily once the formula was worked out and put into place. The words had been simple really, a basic hello and we'll be back soon, and not what the cadet had been hoping for. Not by a long shot.

Maybe it was selfish of him but Cloud knew he'd wanted more, no, he'd needed more. Zack had been gone for a whole week damn it, five whole days without seeing him and that had to count for something. Alright, so they had technically spoken a couple of times. But still. Would it have hurt the soldier to say he was missing him? He could have easily hidden the confession in the form of it relating it to something else they did together, his words perhaps being something like 'I can't wait to train again' or 'I've been missing our sparring sessions'. Hell, the soldier hadn't even called him Spiky in the message and as annoying as the name could be it had actually hurt when it was forgotten like that.

It was almost like a naturally born reflex to lift a new magazine from the table when the gun in his hand forced it's last bullet into the chamber and he fired, the empty clip being ejected from the weapon and automatically replaced with another in the blink of an eye. He didn't even take a breath as he continued to fire, each metal slug tearing through the target and letting the two suited figures behind him know that something was once again wrong with the blonde in their care.

"Holly shit." Cissnei breathed, her softly spoken curse making Reno smile despite the situation.

After all, it wasn't often that the brunette used words like that or showed surprise at another's actions so openly.

"He's a machine, isn't he?" The red head sighed heavily, his sea-green eyes glancing to the side to briefly connect with worried hazel coloured orbs.

"You said he was good." The female Turk replied quietly, her gaze once again drifting back to the blonde in front of them. "But you never said he was this good."

"He works hard and it shows."

"No kidding."

Reno couldn't help but smirk then. Not because of the words themselves but more due to the way they had been spoken, almost as if Cissnei was in some way awed by the young cadet's abilities. Of course, it could also be that she hadn't taken his praise for the blonde seriously when feeding back Cloud's scores on the range the day before.

Anything the red head wanted to say was quickly cut off by the sound of the cadet's last clip emptying, his removal of the magazine and clearing of the chamber being smooth and perfectly performed as was expected. It not only showed a good knowledge and understanding for weapons but also respect for them as well, one where the safety and welfare of the user and the people around them were clearly being considered.

"Good work." Cissnei called out as Cloud removed his protective heard gear, the Turk's quickly removing their own now that it was safe to do so. "You want to use a different weapon or reload and practice on an alternative target?" She asked, her question receiving a decline of the offer as the cadet shook his head.

"I need to clear my head. Can we get out of here for a bit?"

"Sure Blondie. Where did you want to go?"

Reno could almost guess the answer to his question based on the way Cloud's expression seemed strained, his sapphire eyes bright with the need to be free of something that was now suffocating him. Something they couldn't see but knew was there nevertheless.

"I want to run for a bit." Was all the cadet needed to say to confirm the red head's thoughts, his words drawing a tired yet understanding smile on the Turk's lips.

"You want some company?"

It was a carefully made offer with just enough emotion to show he cared, one that hoped for an acceptance of it but without pushing for one to be given.

"Actually, that would be good."

Reno smiled then, a genuine upward curve of lips, and his turquoise eyes sparkled happily as Cloud once again showed he was not hiding away from them. That even though he needed to escape himself and the current world around him, he was not leaving them behind as he did so.

Ten minutes later found the guns and ammunition all packed away and locked back in their storage cabinets, the job of cleaning them being temporarily put on hold for a few hours while something more important was taken care of. While something more necessary was done. And then five minutes after that found a blonde, a brunette and a red head disappearing into the undergrowth beside the Turk training building, their distinctive forms melting into the bushes and becoming one with the shadows unnoticed by all around them. Well maybe not all.

Tseng sighed with mock exasperation as he watched them go and shook his head in mild amusement, a tender smile forming briefly on his normally stoic features at their actions knowing that there was currently no one around to actually see it. He didn't know what had possessed them all to play outside as they were now doing, but whatever it was must have been important. The speed at which they had been moving and the direction they had taken showing that their movements had more purpose than simple being to get some fresh air.

For a brief moment he considered that they were checking the perimeter fence as part of the cadet's training, but almost as soon as it was thought the idea was dismissed. If that was the case then Reno or Cissnei would have been in the lead, not Cloud. The young man clearly the one choosing which path they would be taking on this occasion. It was then that the head Turk realised just how effortlessly the cadet's movements had been, how quickly and efficiently he'd blended into his surroundings and become one with the environment so that his form became easily hidden within the dense undergrowth. In fact, it was actually quite impressive.

"Perhaps the things I have been hearing about you are not so far fetched." Tseng murmured to himself, his words barley a whispered breath though no one was actually around to him them. After all, you could never be too careful in this place.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

They ran, golden, red and brown hair flicking briefly as they moved through the undergrowth, the vibrant and very distinctive colours of two men being the only thing to occasionally give away their positions had anyone been looking for them. Cloud smiled brightly as the wind swept past him, as the scent of freedom filled his senses and his feet were allowed to move as they wished over the earth covered floor beneath him. Deep in his heart he knew it was fake, understood that the soil had been artificially moved there to create some sort of outside effect, but it didn't matter. So what if he wasn't at home in the mountains, so what if the air carried on the breeze was not clean and pure, right now he was able to run and that was all that mattered.

It also helped that he wasn't alone, that the two who accompanied him made him feel safer somehow with their presence. Neither had spoken as he'd led the way out the back door and down into the shrubbery, each suited figure remaining silent as they had effortlessly followed his jean covered arse along a path which was familiar to only him.

It was as they drew nearer to the dead gardens that he felt something within them change, the tension forming like a wall at his back. Still they said nothing as he weaved a way towards the dense undergrowth, the muscles in his legs now burning as they finally began to tire of this hopeless attempt at fleeing the things within his mind. Slowing to a stop Cloud allowed himself to draw a deep steadying breath and wipe the sweat from his brow with one of his long sleeves, the action quickly bringing his injured arm into their line of sight and making their current location seem even more inappropriate.

"Cloud. Why'd you bring us here?"

It was a good question and one the blonde wasn't sure how to answer just yet, his heart still beating a deep accelerated rhythm in his chest as it tried to move the much needed air from his lungs into oxygen starved cells. In truth he wasn't sure why he'd come back here, why it had been important to return to this place, why he now stood here looking for something that he wasn't even sure could be found.

"I … I just … needed to." The cadet began, uncertain how to explain a feeling when it couldn't be justified.

For a moment none of them spoke, as Cissnei watched the blonde carefully and Reno waited for more of a reason to be given.

"Where … where was I?" Cloud finally managed to ask, his voice cracking slightly as he spoke. "When you … when you found me?"

Neither Turk failed to miss how the cadet's tone now sounded ashamed, how the slight quiver in his words revealed uncertainty in both himself and what he was currently feeling.

"It's not far from here." The red head offered, his feet moving him to stand beside the blonde. "About thirty yards ahead and then down towards the back."

"Oh, ok. Thanks. I ... I just … wanted to know. You know?"

Reno did, in his own way, and so did Cissnei. Yet even with this insight and understanding both were still curious why Cloud had felt the need to come back here, why he felt an almost instinctive need to return to the last place he'd broken down so badly.

"You want to go there?"

Cloud shock his head violently, his golden spikes swaying in all directions as he showed without words that he didn't want to go there, that he didn't actually want to see the latest place where he'd spilt his own blood again by nearly giving up.

"It's almost time to go meet Zack." Cissnei pointed out, her words drawing wide ocean blue eyes towards her instantly, the sea of emotions swimming within them made somehow worse by the gloss of tears she could see shimmering on their surface.

"I'm … scared." Cloud admitted softly, his voice barley audible even as it tried to explain what he was suddenly feeling. "I'm scared he'll … that he won't want to see me ... like this, after what I did."

"Hey, where's this coming from?" Reno was quick to ask, his hand now reaching out to reassuringly squeeze the cadet's shoulder. "You've spoken to him about what happened and he didn't get angry. Hell, he's probably driving Angeal nuts trying to get back here to see you and make sure you're ok."

"Really?"

Sweet Gaia, was Cloud really that insecure. His bottom lip trembling as he choked out the word and a row of small white teeth quickly biting down on it in some futile attempt to hold back the emotions which were clearly starting to consume him.

"Cloud, Zack loves you." Cissnei replied immediately, her arms not even hesitating as they wrapped around the cadet's slender form and drew it in closer against her own. A fine tremor now more than noticeable in his supple body as she tried to sooth and comfort as best she could. "Why would you suddenly think he doesn't?" She asked, desperate to know where such upsetting thoughts had come from after their wonderful morning.

"So many mistakes, I've made so many Gaia damned mistakes."

If the faintly spoken curse hadn't been enough to shock the Turks then the fierceness of the blonde's tone was, the obvious self-centred rage and self-loathing all to clear to hear in his voice.

"But you're not anymore, alright." Reno cut in before the brunette could, his words being ones she'd also intended to use. "You've been talking to us, opening up about stuff, and letting us in. That's not making mistakes Cloud."

"But I still ended up running again, didn't I? I still found myself doubting and needing to escape?"

"But this time you didn't run alone Blondie and that counts for something." The red head replied, a soft supportive hum coming from Cissnei as she let the other Turk speak for both of them now. Her efforts going into calming the trembling form in her arms and helping it find some control over itself where they stood.

"But I started to think that … that Zack didn't care. I started to question his feelings again when I shouldn't have."

"Why?"

It was a simple question and once that deserved an answer. Except, now, it appeared as if the reason he had wasn't good enough, his deepest darkest fears being foolish and ridiculous considering everything else that had happened over the past several months.

"Gaia, I'm such an idiot." Cloud berated himself, his lithe form easily slipping free from the brunette's comforting hold as he took a few steps away from them to find a space of his own. Her arms having never really held him that firmly in place against her, understanding that should he want to pull away the feeling of confinement would only make him react badly.

"Why?" Reno repeated softly, knowing that right now the cadet needed to talk to someone even if he hadn't realised it himself yet.

"In his message, he didn't say he missed me. I know. It's pathetic, right?" The blonde scoffed, or more like choked out, a crystal like bead finally breaking free and slipping silently down his cheek. "I mean come on, it's not like he can say it on a message like that and I get that. It's … it's just …"

"He didn't even hint at it." Cissnei guessed, her tender smile helping to ease the ache in his heart when he saw in her warm hazel coloured eyes that she understood and was not judging him on it. "And no, it's not pathetic." She added quickly, her smile softening to show that what she said was the truth. "Tseng made his message out to be something important, something special, but it wasn't what you were expecting. What you were hoping for. It's alright to feel hurt when something like that disappoints you, when something you need to hear isn't said."

"Really?"

This time when Cloud asked there was something different in his voice, a sense of relief and hope that he wasn't a completely hopeless cause for acting or feeling this way. And yes, what the brunette said made sense, so much sense. It was true, it had been upsetting to not receive something more meaningful from the soldier. However much sense it made for them to be discrete. And surely if Cissnei and Reno understood the situation then it was alright to feel this way, it was alright to feel cheated in some way by Zack's lack of words.

"Come on." Reno encouraged lightly, his arm once again finding a place around the blonde's shoulders and pulling him back along the path they had come. "We've got a date with a soldier and a lecture to give him about the right way, and the wrong way, to send a love letter."

Cloud couldn't help but choke on a small laugh at that, the idea of the two Turk's giving the soldier a lesson on how to correctly woe his boyfriend with hidden words and meanings making a watery smile form on his soft pink lips. The sound was more than welcomed by the pair and within seconds each had an arm wrapped around his body in some way, his supple form wedged safely between them as they took a leisurely stroll towards the transport bays and hopefully towards a waiting soldier recently returned from his mission.

"Oh shit … I mean shoot." Cloud quickly corrected, his damp cheeks suddenly warming a little at the slip. "I need to find my bag." He informed them awkwardly, the silver tracks no longer visible as he wiped them away and began to look around to get his bearings.

"Your bag?"" Reno asked in confusion. After all, the cadet hadn't been carrying a bag with him when they'd left the Turk building.

"Yea, my school bag. I kind of tossed it when I ran that night. Gaia, it must still be in the bushes where I threw it."

Reno couldn't help it, he laughed. The mixed look of embarrassment and guilt now visible on the blonde's face making it hard to control himself.

"You seriously tossed your bag and only now think about it?" He choked out between chuckle filled breaths. "It's been there for two days, at least. Hell, it might not even been there at this point."

"But my history text book's in it and the essay I was working on."

That little worried pout was just too cute for words and the red head found himself still on the verge of laughter again, even as the sight calmed him somewhat.

"Come on." He sighed, indicating for Cloud to lead the way once more. "Let's go see if it's still there."

A moment later and Cloud had them moving at a steady pace across the compound once more, his relaxed strides no longer filled with a desperate need to reach some unknown destination but instead paced with a purpose. Quickly they passed down the paths he'd followed that night, almost accurately back-tracking along the route he'd taken until they reached the exit he'd used to escape the main building.

It was there amongst the bushes that they found the blonde's bag, the outside a little dirtied from where it had been tossed and landed amongst the mud but on the whole mostly undamaged. Cloud himself was just relieved to find it and quickly slipped the strap over his shoulder so he could carry it more comfortably; his relieved smile drawing slightly amused ones from the pair beside him even as both worried over how such a simple security breach had once again been allowed to happen. It certainly wasn't going to sit well with Tseng that an unidentifiable bag had been lying in the bushes for over twenty-four hours and no one had found it.

Cringing at the thought of having to report the massive slip-up to the head Turk both suited individuals decided to push that issue to the side for a little while, their thoughts once more focusing on getting Cloud safely to the transport bays and back into Zack's arms as quickly as possible. Neither wanting to worry the cadet over what they both knew was a serious issue, both knowing that tomorrows task would be to find out who was responsible for patrolling this area and why they'd failed to sport such a potential threat during their sweep.

"Come on Blondie. Lets not keep lover-boy waiting." Reno joked lightly, his playful tone making the cadet blush a wonderful shade of pink even as he smiled bashfully at what had been said.

"Jerk." Cloud replied softly, his attempt to keep the gentle banter going making both red head and brunette smile at him in turn.

"Yea, but you wouldn't have me any other way." He retorted with a chuckle, his words earning him a small snort from the blonde and a roll of hazel coloured eyes from the woman beside him.

A moment later and they were off again, their well-trained bodies moving effortlessly and with a well-practiced stealth as all three moved like shadows towards their destination and towards the soldier who would be waiting for them.


End file.
